The next few weeks went a lot smoother than I could've anticipated. I haven't lost control too many times, and luckily no one was around to witness the times it got the better of me.
Tina's still a little edgy toward me, but our relationship is back to normal for the most part. Unfortunately, due to her relationship with Mike, I've been forced to see him every so often. I try to distance myself when I know he'll be coming, maybe by going out or calling Brittany to make myself preoccupied so I don't have to talk to him. I speak to him enough so that Tina's not suspicious though…I don't want to rock the boat anymore.
Speaking of Brittany, things between us have been exceptionally great since I returned. We had a little bit of a rocky reunion, but everything's been looking up since then.
We talk all the time and I can definitely say it's my favorite part of the day. The best way to turn in for the night is to talk to Britt about our days and have meaningless conversations until one of us falls asleep.
As for the whole - you know - part of our relationship, I can say things are progressing there as well. Except for the fact that everyone seemed to catch on and start teasing me. And for once in my life, I find that I really don't mind it.
Life's been a lot better than I expected, to say the least. Besides the fact that I still work at the shitty country club, I'm finding myself actually happy with the way things are going.
"Hey," I greet as I enter through the front door of our apartment.
"Late…as usual," Tina rolls her eyes as she walks out of the kitchen with plates and wine glasses, heading to the living room where Kurt, Mercedes, and Brittany are all sitting.
"I can't help my work schedule, T. Besides, I had to wait for Quinn so she wouldn't get lost on her way here," I shrug my jacket off my shoulders and hang it on the coat rack. "We don't need anything to delay us from eating…I'm starving."
Tina bends down to fill 5 wine glasses while Brittany takes the plates from her and starts handing them out to people. Kurt and Mercedes take theirs with a quiet 'thank you,' and she starts walking over in my direction, meeting me halfway.
"For you," She says as she hands me my plate before leaning in and giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. I instantly feel the heat rush to my cheeks and my mouth breaks into a cheesy grin. It's not the first time she's given me a kiss on the cheek, but it never fails to get me flustered…it probably never will.
"Thanks," I mutter as I take the plate from her hands as she sends me a wink. She turns around to go back into the living room, and over her shoulder, I can see 3 teasing smirks being sent my way.
I roll my eyes and flick them off, with Brittany's back still turned to me of course, before setting my plate down on the dining table and making my way towards the hallway. "I'm gonna go wash up, but then I'll be right out. Quinn should be here any minute so just keep an ear out if there's a knock on the door."
I don't wait to hear a reply but just head back to the bathroom to let down my hair and wash my hands. After that's done, I figure I might as well change into something a little more comfortable than my waiting uniform.
Looking through my drawers, I find a pair of leggings and an NYU hoodie to quickly throw on before striding out of the room to meet back with everyone in the living area.
"Hey, Q," I greet as I see the other blonde sitting on the recliner, happily accepting a plate given to her by Brittany. I smile at the exchange as I grab my own plate back off the table. "See you found your way here?"
"Yea, and you were no help," She rolls her eyes. "You completely ditched me on the interstate…I had to use Google Maps the rest of the way here."
"Not my fault you got cut off by that 18-wheeler," I say with a shrug as I step into the living room.
She stares at me with an incredulous look as she says, "You cut him off!"
I look at her shocked. "I did no such thing!" I clutch my hand over my heart dramatically but smirk, knowing I can be a little reckless on the roads sometimes.
I got caught up in my music, okay? I can't help that I forgot she was behind me…
"Anyways," Tina chimes in with a chuckle as I plop down next to Brittany…probably a little closer than normal friends would sit. It doesn't go unnoticed how Quinn's eyes got slightly larger and a surprised expression came across her face. "We're glad you're able to join us, Quinn," Tina brings Quinn's attention back to her. "I actually have a fun little game for us to play to introduce us all!"
"Oooo, what game?" Quinn asks with excitement. I can't tell if she's faking it to be polite or if she's genuinely excited.
"Question Jenga!" Tina exclaims with jazz hands.
I chuckle and roll my eyes at her excitement, honestly finding it sweet that she gets excited over the simplest - and sometimes most boring - things.
"How does that work?" Quinn asks, a hint of confusion on her face.
"I was hoping you'd ask that!" Tina starts to say, but I've heard this spill a thousand times before, so I shift my attention over to the blonde sitting next to me.
She's fiddling with the edges of the plate in her hand and looks to only be paying half attention to Tina.
"You know, she's made us play this about 20 times before…even when we all knew everything about each other," I say with a chuckle as I lean in to whisper to her.
She turns her head to face me and an amused smile breaks out on her face. "Really?" She asks. I nod my head in response. "I've played it a few times with Rachel. She'd always have these parties every time she got placed in a new cast and this was her go-to game every time."
"Rachel…that's your best friend from back home, right?"
She nods a little sadly in response, and I instantly hate the fact that I brought it up. "Yea, she lives in New York…she's actually the lead in the revival of Funny Girl on Broadway," I can see her eyes glint a little in pride.
"That's awesome, maybe one day we can go see-"
"Funny Girl?!" I hear Kurt yell across the room, instantly idling all conversations taking place. I turn to see him on the edge of the couch, leaning so far forward that I'm surprised he hasn't fallen on his face yet. "Did you just say your best friend's the lead in Funny Girl?!"
"Eavesdrop much?" I bite, but he just waves his hand at me dismissively. His eyes widen and he nods his head towards Brittany, clearly waiting for an answer. I look at Brittany to see her brows slightly furrowed in confusion.
"Yea, Rachel?" She asks after a moment.
"Oh my God," He clamps his hands over his cheeks and turns to Mercedes. "Did you hear that too?" He asks her and she nods her head, also clearly confused. "Wait wait wait…your best friend," He pauses. "Is Rachel Berry?"
"Yea?" She says, still wondering what his point is. I can say everyone in the room feels the exact same way.
"Oh-oh my God!" He starts fanning himself as he leans back on the couch.
"Why, do you know her too?" Brittany asks, sounding a little hopeful.
His mouth gapes open. "Uh - I WISH! Rachel Berry is an icon! Her first big Broadway show and she gets the lead! Not to mention that she's still an amateur to the whole business," He starts explaining.
"Well, I wouldn't say that exactly…she's been in theater for years," Brittany says as she leans forward to grab her wine glass off the coffee table.
"Well yes, but I meant the Broadway musical scene…high profile stuff. I mean, don't get me wrong, she is absolutely perfect for the role of Fanny - I was cheering her on all the way back in phase one of auditions - but-"
"Hold up hold up hold up…are you like stalking her or something?" I interrupt and raise my hand toward him. I knew he was a sucker for a good Broadway show but this is getting a little creepy.
He rolls his eyes. "Of course not, Santana. Funny Girl is the new talk of the Broadway world…it's all over the blogs," He explains as he rests his hands on his thighs, acting like it's obvious.
I cross my arms over my chest in response, leaning back further into the couch. Brittany chuckles and taps my forearm, "I was wondering the same thing," She whispers in my ear with a laugh.
"Hey!" Kurt obviously heard her. "I'm not being creepy, I swear! I'm just a huge fan of hers."
"Hers, or the show?" I ask with a pointed look.
As soon as a grin explodes on his face, I immediately knew I shouldn't have asked "I'm so glad you asked, Santana! At first, it was the show, since it's been one of my literal favorites since elementary school, but then when I saw her audition I instantly became a fan. I looked up things she's been, watched recordings of her work, and I'm just captivated by her talent!"
I look straight ahead with a blank expression…I had already blocked him out when he started talking. I can still hear his voice going on and on and on in the background, but it just sounds like static to my ears at this point. It's when Brittany speaks that I'm brought back to reality.
"Well I'll be sure to tell her about you when I talk to her again," She adds with a small smile as she takes a sip of her wine. He stares at her in shock as he places a hand over his chest.
Oh, for the love of God.
"You would really do that?" She nods in response. "Ooo, thank you thank you thank you!" He jets up from his spot on the couch to wrap his arms around her neck for a second. She's clearly caught off guard but returns the hug with one hand, the other one still holding her wine glass.
I reach forward to grab my own while things go silent for a second and take a sip.
Yes! Tina picked out sparkling Moscato - one of my favorites. I swirl the liquid around in my glass, admiring the carbonation bubbles that pop up, before taking a long sip.
"Santana, you sure picked a good one," Kurt says as he lets go of Brittany and moves back over to his seat. I raise my eyebrow at him, confused as to what exactly he means. "You better take good care of her…make sure she doesn't leave you to find another girlfriend."
His statement causes me to choke on my drink. Involuntarily, the wine spritz's out of my mouth and coats his face. Once I'm able to swallow the little bit of liquid left in my mouth, I start coughing.
"We're not dating," I say after a moment once the coughing fit subsided. Kurt's still sitting in the same position he was with his eyes closed, clearly not knowing what to do. He jets his hand out to the side towards Mercedes, and she hurriedly hands him a napkin to wipe his face.
"Coulda fooled me," Quinn pipes up with a shrug of her shoulders. "Matter of fact, I was actually gonna have a talk with you later on why you didn't tell me you were dating her."
"No one asked you, Fabray," I say, my voice still strained.
"Wait…haven't you guys gone on a date though?" Tina asks with her eyebrows furrowed.
"We went to lunch, if that's what you're talking about."
"Yea…a lunch date," She says nonchalantly, like it was clearly evident. I look around at everyone and see them slightly nod or shrug their shoulders, clearly thinking the same as her.
I look over to Brittany to find her looking at me. I raise my eyebrows in question and she just shrugs her shoulders.
"We just went to lunch," I repeat, flustered from the whole situation.
This was kind of a thing I was hoping to talk to Brittany about…not the rest of my friends. I should've known better, they're always nosy when it comes to any of our dating lives…it's always been that way.
"I'm gonna go get some water," I say after a moment of silence, feeling completely awkward about what just happened.
I walk into the kitchen and grab a glass from the cupboard to fill with water. I stand with my back up against the sink, taking deep breaths to calm my racing heart, and drink the glass of water.
A few minutes later I hear footsteps walking towards the kitchen, causing me to tense slightly.
"Hey," Brittany says as she pops her head in. I let out a breath of relief at seeing it's just her, but immediately tense again at seeing that it's Brittany that came in here to talk.
"Hey," I respond as I look down at my water glass.
"You okay? You seem a little…" She says as she walks further into the kitchen to stand a few feet in front of me.
"A little?" I ask, looking up at her.
She narrows her eyes and studies my face for a second. "I'm not sure…I would say nervous, but you don't really seem nervous…annoyed, but you don't seem annoyed - well, maybe at Kurt for the whole Broadway spill," She says with a laugh.
"Just…flustered, I guess," I say with a chuckle, looking back down at my water.
"From what?" She asks, taking a seat at the kitchen table. She pats the spot next to her, signaling me to sit down with her.
I take a deep breath and pull out the chair to take a seat.
"Just, stuff, I guess." I'm still not making eye contact with her. I feel like if I look into those eyes, I'm just going to start spilling everything to her, and that's not an option right now.
"What stuff?" She asks. I don't respond, honestly not knowing how to. "Stuff about us?" She asks after a minute.
I move my eyes over to look at her hands, comfortably resting in her lap. She's fiddling with her fingers though.
Wait a minute, that's something that I do when I get nervous. Is she nervous too?
I finally look up to see her face and notice a slight tinge of pink on her cheeks. Yea, she's definitely nervous. She lets out a chuckle and a sheepish smile comes across her face as I continue to look at her.
"What?" She asks, breaking me out of my trance. I shake my head slightly and look back down again with a shy smile.
"Nothing," I mutter, the grin evident in my voice.
A few more moments pass before she speaks again. "You never answered the question," She says quietly, causing the nerves to flutter back into my system.
I look back up at her and raise one shoulder in reply. It's not necessarily a yes, but it's definitely not a no either.
"I am," She admits. My eyes widen for a second in shock at her sudden revelation, but then I realize it might not give her the best idea so I quickly try to return my face back to normal.
"W-what are you nervous about?" I ask, hating that I stuttered at the start of the sentence.
She takes a deep breath and looks down at her hands for a second before turning back to me.
"Many things," She starts softly. "If this is going in the same direction I want it to, if you enjoy spending time with me as much as I like spending time with you, if we're moving too fast, if you're just gonna get tired of me eventually and find another someone else, and most importantly…" She looks down at the table. "If you like me, too."
My breath hitches at hearing her words. Of course I like her…I just never expected her to reciprocate the feelings. I mean, sure, we flirt and stuff but that's innocent things that some friends do, right?
"I-uh," I try to say but the words get lost in my throat somewhere.
"It's okay, you don't have to say anything…I just wanted to let you know that you don't have to be nervous about us, if that's what got you so flustered." She says with a slight shake of her head.
I take in her facial features for a few more moments before I gather up the strength to say it to her. Seeing her so unsettled, sitting right in front of me - and because of me - doesn't feel right.
"I like you, too," I say softly.
I can't help the small smile that takes over my face as I see her head snap up in my direction, not anticipating the news.
"Y-you do? You're not just saying that to make me feel better, are you?" She asks as her brows start to furrow slightly.
"Britt, how could I not like you? You're like perfect in every aspect," I say with a chuckle. Her face breaks out into a grin and she laughs along with me, neither of us really knowing what to say next.
"So," She begins, visibly swallowing. "You would say yes if I asked you on a date?"
"No," I straighten my back out to sit up straighter. "Because I'll be the one asking you on our first date."
Her face quickly morphs from mild confusion to utter excitement as her mouth breaks out into a toothy grin.
"That was you asking, right?" She teases as she points her finger down for clarification.
"Yes," I say with a nod and chuckle.
"Hmmm," She pretends to think about it, bringing her finger up to stroke her chin. "I guessssss…but it'd have to be tomorrow night. No earlier, no later," She says professionally.
"I think I'd be able to fit that into my schedule." I play along with her ruse, enjoying how the conversations shifted back to our normal, comfortable, dynamic.
"Looking forward to it, then," She adds with a nod.
"You better, because believe me, it's going to be the best date you can ever say you've been on," I say with a definitive nod and a raise of my eyebrow.
"Oooo, I have high expectations then, Miss Lopez. And where exactly will this date be taking place?" She leans her elbows on the table and props her chin on her hands, leaning towards me.
"Ah, that part's a surpr-"
I'm interrupted by a beeping noise and vibration coming from my purse at the end of the table. Brittany and I look at each other in confusion, both clearly wondering what's making the noise.
"Is it your phone?" She asks.
I shake my head as I pull my phone out from the pocket of my hoodie. Her face morphs into an even further look of confusion at seeing how neither of us knows what's causing it.
I set my phone down on the table and walk over to my bag. As I start rummaging through it, I can start to see a small red exclamation point blinking at the bottom.
Well, shit.
"What is it?" Brittany asks as she stands to walk closer to me. She must've noticed a look of realization on my face when I saw what's causing the distraction.
Before I can respond, I hear another identical beeping sound moving closer to me. Seconds later, Quinn rushes into the kitchen looking rattled.
"We gotta go…now," Is all she says.
Her tone would've made any other person cower down and quickly agree, but not me. I was having a nice conversation with Brittany and wasn't ready to be bombarded by this crap I thought I left behind when I left the headquarters.
"No," I say with a shake of my head. I press down on the top of the card, remembering what Quinn did when she showed me how it worked when she gave it to me.
"You don't have a choice."
"Uh, like hell I do. I'm not going back, Quinn. When I left, I left for good." I'm starting to get pissed off, which is never good for my control.
"Santana," She starts, still speaking with a strict tone.
"No, Quinn. You can tell him to shove it because I'm. Not. Going. Back." I say with finality. "And you can't make me."
"Wanna bet?" She asks as she reaches out to grab my wrist, but I quickly step further away and toss the card to the side with it landing somewhere on the table.
If she wants to play it this way, we can play this way. I can start to feel the anger and frustration seep its way into my veins.
"Um, I don't mean to interrupt," Brittany says hesitantly as she takes a step forward, moving closer to us. "But it really sounds like she doesn't want to leave, Quinn, so maybe-"
"You don't get say in this Brittany," She holds up a hand, interrupting Brittany. "This is way bigger than you, so you shouldn't pipe in unless you know what you're talking about."
Alright, she's really starting to piss me off. It's one thing to try and force me back into something she knows I don't want to do, but it's another thing to come in and talk down to Britt like that.
"Who the fuck do you think you are? Coming in here and talking to her any way you want?" I step closer and bring my hands down to clench at my sides. "I don't care how you speak to me, I can handle it, but don't you ever - and I mean ever - carry that tone when you're talking to her again…you understand me?" I can feel my limbs starting to shake slightly as my vision starts to blur.
"Santana-" I notice how Quinn's demeanor falters slightly, looking at me with a knowing expression.
"What, you trying you interrupt me, too?" I wave my hands up to a shrugging position as I ask the question, causing a rattle to be heard in the cabinet - and it wasn't necessarily quiet either. I can see Brittany turn to look at the cabinet with confusion in my peripheral vision. She must've shrugged it off rather quickly because soon I can feel her eyes on me again.
"Because you of all people should know that I get the last word!" I say as I step impossibly closer to her and point my finger at her chest. At my movement, all the utensils on the drying mat next to the sink fly off and land on the ground, dragging up to Quinn and I's feet before coming to a rest - all pointing at her.
"Uhhh, guys…did those just move?" I hear Brittany say from behind me as she looks around at all the utensils scattered across the floor.
"Brittany, I think you need to get out of the kitchen…like now." I hear Quinn say, sounding rather harsh again. Seriously, is she ever gonna learn?
"Brittany doesn't have to go anywhere…especially just because you told her to. I think if anyone needs to leave now, it'd be you. I told you I'm not going, that's final, so there's really nothing else you can do."
"Please don't make me force you." Her voice is stern again, almost like she never missed a beat. "You know I won't hesitate to do it." She's looking straight into my eyes again, neither of us wavering. It's then that I notice her card is still beeping in her hand.
"Soooo, are you gonna turn it off? Or do you want me to do it - because you know I don't mind cutting out shit that annoys me."
She makes no move to respond, so I shrug my shoulders and move to grab the card from her hand.
As soon as I reach for it, she grabs my wrist and attempts to flip me over onto the ground…little does she know I already anticipated her move. I plant my feet to the ground with as much force as I can - thank you, superstrength - making it to where she can't seem to budge me no matter how hard she yanks at my arm.
"Hey, guys, I think we should-" I hear Brittany say as she approaches us again.
"Brittany! Back! Off!" I hear Quinn yell, swiveling her head to look at the blonde.
Well, there goes any self-control that I thought I had.
In one quick move, I spin us around and push her up against the table, pinning her down. This all kind of seems really overdramatic right now, but I honestly don't care. She pissed me off…then pissed me off again…and then pissed me off again, so this is what she gets.
"Santana," I hear Brittany say, sounding worried. Immediately forgetting what I was planning to do, I turn my head to make sure she's okay. Quinn wiggles underneath me, trying to gain freedom from my distraction, but I know she can't beat me physically.
When my eyes make contact with Brittany's, I see nothing but fear in them, causing my grip on Quinn to loosen. Her eyes leave mine and float over to something next to me, and in turn, make mine look over to the direction she's looking in.
I stand up straight and look around me to see the utensils that were once scattered on the floor, all floating in midair and aiming at Quinn - almost like if I were to command them, they'd all fire at her.
"Holy shit," I mutter as my hand covers my mouth.
I hear the front door open and close, along with 3 sets of laughter floating through the foyer, effectively startling me enough to cause everything to fall back to the floor, lifeless.
"Quinn, we got the-" Tina says excitedly as she bounces into the kitchen. "What…the…hell…" She mutters as she looks around at the mess made in the kitchen, and then at my frazzled state. I can still feel the sweat that formed at the top of my brow during the commotion, so I'm sure everyone else can see it, too.
"You did it again?!" I hear Tina yell, sounding furious, as she slams a box of something down on the table, causing everyone to jump. "What was it about this time? A-and why would you do it with Quinn and Brittany here? What could they have possibly done?!"
You'd think I'd be focusing on the voice that's screaming at me right now, but I'm not. I'm more focused on the fact that I just lost complete control…and Brittany was here to witness it. I mean, thank God that she was the only one, but still!
Ugh, Mike was right…I should've stayed and finished my training. I don't want to put people around me at risk just because I lose my temper. I really thought I had a handle on it, that I could control it enough to prevent from lashing out, but I guess not.
As I continue to think about it, I notice my thoughts beginning to spiral with what could've happened, specifically what could've gone wrong. What if Brittany got in the way to try to break us up again and something accidentally hit her, hurt her? Oh God, I can't think about this.
How are things with us ever going to be the same from now on? She saw the whole…freak thing…with me and I don't even know if she wants to continue being my friend. If she still wants to go on the date tomorrow night!
How did this go from one of the best nights to one of the worst so quickly?
"Santana!" I hear, startling me out of my thoughts. I look to Tina, who the voice came from, who's looking at me with eyes wide, eyebrows raised, and hands up by her shoulders - clearly looking for an explanation. As much as I would love to give her one, I just don't have one right now.
All the emotions from everything that just happened, thoughts included, started bubbling up, making it feel like I can't breathe. I need some air…I need to be alone.
"No," I say as I start shaking my head. "No no no no no no," I repeat, emotion evident in my voice, as I hurry out of the kitchen, running out the front door. Making sure no one's behind me, I climb the final set of stairs and make my way onto the roof for some space.
Hey guys!
*gasp* What is this? An update two days early?!
Surprise! Truth is I really couldn't get this story out of my head for the past few days so I spent wayy more time than usual working on it to get this update up for you guys as quickly as I could!
As always, I absolutely love hearing what you guys think about this story and its progression, so reviews are always appreciated! :)
Hope you guys are satisfied with how the story's going so far. Thank you so much for reading! :)