Crowley drummed his fingers impatiently as he waited, wishing the looping song in the background wasn't a constant reminder of the relationship he didn't have anymore.

"Everyday, it's a-gettin' closer…" A man sang softly.

"Going faster than a rollercoaster," His partner completed.

"Love like yours will, surely come my way-"

"Oh wow, thank you for the encore of the song that's been playing for the past hour." Crowley moaned, clapping slowly.

"Well, seems like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed." Gabriel laughed heartily before offering a seat to his partner.

Beelzebub scoffed, seeing Crowley glare between them. "Okay, just because your love life isn't going smoothly doesn't mean you have to be a little bitch about ours, Crowley. We risked a lot coming here, you know."

"Right, sorry." Crowley remembered, leaning back. "Thank you for… putting your existence on the line to see me, that good enough?"

"Oh, hardly." Gabriel smiled rather aggressively at the way he talked to her before calming himself. "But we owe it to you and Aziraphale for helping keep me and my memory safe. Otherwise I wouldn't be with my Heaven…"

"And I with my Hell." Beelzebub smiled softly, making Crowley roll his eyes.

"Great, thanks. So you guys got everything worked out, yeah? Miracle cast on this bar so you're all hidden in it?"

The couple gave him a shared look.

"Dumb question, 'course you did. Anywho, Muriel filled you in on the details, tell me what you think." He drummed his fingers on the table as if to hype them up before pointing.

"I think whatever you're encountering isn't the ray of sunshine we're used to." Gabriel started with a shrug. "Never once liked the idea of smiting someone, especially not you. But you'd know that."

"Yeah, yeah, but before- when you were Jim, did he… ever let on he wasn't as happy as he appeared? Like, wishing that things could be more… celestial or-"

"He wasn't getting bored with your life together, Crowley." The past Duke of Hell buzzed. "Gabriel's had nothing but nice things to say about the two of you's relationship while taking care of him."

"Yes, even though my appearance put a slight strain on it, you guys were still you." The angel muttered. "Ever since I got my memories back, I realized how obvious it was. There were always the rumors, of course, but even when I visited him on Earth he'd clam up everytime I mentioned you."

"He did?" Crowley asked, slightly surprised.

"Right. And you were the same way about him, don't think I didn't notice you sneaking around with your little angel. Thought maybe you were tempting him to our side until I found out just how tempting angels are themselves."

"Cheers to that, they'll sneak right up on ya'." Crowley tipped his glass to her.

"Off topic!" Gabriel chuckled despite him clearly enjoying the praise. "Aren't we supposed to be talking about how out of love he is now?"

The table went quiet.

"Well, you didn't have to say it like that…"

"That was a bit cruel, my sweet. Normally I'd love it but-"

"Well that is the reason we're here!" Gaberial reminded them yet again. "Aziraphale isn't acting like himself."

"Yeah, sorry, I went off there." Crowley agreed. "The real reason I called you here: I was wondering if there was a way to make angels more obedient besides spiking their drinks like cowards. I'm taking near total control, making them do the opposite of what they usually do."

The couple exchanged a glance in thought before Belzebub snapped suddenly. "What about the Horns of Humiliation?"

"Come again?"

"Oh, you wouldn't know it, only privy to the dukes of Hell and even then we thought it might be a myth." The demon shrugged. She leaned forward. "They say Satan worried the fallen may still have pure thoughts once they came to Hell or that good might try to resurface in them and they'd try to return to God. Given that God is God, Satan knew she'd never want any of them back and that'd it'd probably hurt far more than if we just stayed hellspawn. So, he made the Horns of Humiliation. Sorta like a crown made with these sharp thorns and- you know, some horns."

"And what would happen if a demon was to wear it?" Gabriel asked, now fully enamored.

"They say that the demon would turn loyal, the master's will would become their own since his voice was all they heard."

"That's…" Crowley grew more and more unnerved as the story went on. "That's pretty fucked up."

"Yeah. He never had to use it if it ever did exist, usually the torture and maiming would straighten everyone out." Beelzebub muttered. She smirked. "Glad the master never found out about you and your angel pet."

"…" Crowley didn't say anything, thinking for a moment. "Gabriel, did your old side have anything like that?"

"Hm? Oh, no." Gabriel laughed. "They never even had to use almonds before Arizaphale, that's how soft angels are. Like the almonds, they'd never find the need to make something like that unless…"

"That's what I thought." Crowley hissed, remembering the circlet on Aziraphale's head. That had to be it. "She didn't want him leaving like you so She took a note out of Satan's book."

Beelzebub nodded in agreement. "She always was piggybacking off our past master's work…"

"Aziraphale's got some sort of crown similar. Thought it was just part of the costume but now…" Crowley trailed off. "Won't be easy to get off. I'm gonna need time to…"

He trailed off, hearing the song suddenly switch from Everyday. It took Crowley less than a second to recognize it.

He gave a look to the couple across from him who looked equally confused.

"That's not supposed to happen, it's supposed to be our song..." Gabriel muttered. "What is this blast-"

"Don't say anything, you've already disrespected one thing I love, not letting you get at another." Crowley hissed, springing to his feet.

He pushed his glasses up higher when he saw the Bentley now had its usual passenger, the song echoed through the diner:

"Ooh, love. Ooh, lover boooy~"