Chapter Warning: Abuse and Brief Suicidal Ideation

Eli watched with bated breath as the small green creepers swarmed up the side of the building like grotesque frogs. He couldn't believe his luck. All his previous attempts to spot them had only captured images of blurs and distant blobs on his camera, but this…

Eli's hands shook as he lifted leveled his phone and a snapped a picture. Unfortunately he had forgotten to turn off the shutter sound. The creatures stiffened and started looking around at the click. One of them started sniffing the air and moving in his direction. Eli quickly covered his mouth and ducked down behind the bush.

Stupid!

This was exactly the kind of amateur mistake that got people killed in horror movies.

A sniffing noise was getting rapidly closer. It was just on the other side of the bush. It paused and he heard a raspy murmur that wasn't human or animal.

He should probably run.

Before he could formulate a plan any farther than that, something wrapped around his waist and he was airborne.

He let out a shriek and the night burst into a cacophony of noise as the creepers came pouring over the bushes.

Fortunately whatever was carrying him was staying well ahead of them. Eli managed to twist around enough to see what was holding him and squeaked.

It was a big blue creeper, one of the stone ones. It had tusks and horns and a glowing suit of armor.

The creeper tightened its grip on him and jumped. All the air left Eli's lungs. He didn't get a chance to even try to suck in a breath before they touched down on a tree branch and the creeper was leaping again.

Eli whimpered as they shot from one perch to the next, only pausing long enough for his rescuer… or kidnapper?... to gather itself for another leap.

By the time they finally stopped, he was feeling sick. Eli leaned over and retched, losing the whole of his dinner on the ground behind the dumpster they were crouching behind.

"Sorry," A quiet rumbling voice said.

Eli jumped and then his eyes widened with surprise as he realized it was the creeper that had spoken.

"You can talk… I mean you know English?" Eli asked forgetting his fear in the excitement of new discovery.

The creeper blinked and leaned back slightly, nose wrinkling as it stared at him. It was actually surprisingly humanoid, now that he got a chance to get a good look at it. Almost in an uncanny valley way, but not quite.

"…yes," It said finally. "Why wouldn't I be able to?"

"I've only been able to get close enough to hear the green creepers before," Eli exclaimed. He was talking to an actual creeper! This was so cool! "They aren't able to talk far as I can tell."

"Creepers? Do you mean the goblins?"

"Is that what they are?!"

The armored creeper stared at him, before shaking its head.

"Come on, you need to go home. It's not safe here."

"But… but I have so many questions." Eli stared at it pleadingly.

The creeper eyed him again.

"I can answer some on the way to your house…"

Jim wasn't sure what to think of the strange teenager he rescued from the goblin pack.

Despite almost being eaten and despite Jim being some sort of half-human, half-troll, monster, the gangly black-haired human -Who had at some point introduced himself as Elijah Pepperjack ("but everyone calls me Eli")- was positively glowing with enthusiasm as he peppered Jim with questions.

Bemusement at the entire situation caused Jim to answer far more of them than he was really supposed to.

Eventually they reached the human's house.

"You have keys right?" Jim asked, because there wouldn't be much point in rescuing him only to leave him trapped outside his home.

Eli nodded and then dug around in his pocket for a moment before producing the aforementioned keys.

"Good," Jim said. He gave him what he hoped was a firm authoritative stare. "Please don't go out in the dark. I might not always be in time to save you. Have a good night."

Jim turned toward the bushes and bent his legs, preparing to leap into the nearest tree.

"Wait!"

Jim paused and glanced back.

"I… I um…" Eli stammered. "I was wondering if you wanted to stay and like watch a movie or something?"

The Trollhunter blinked, it was one thing to accept a walk home from a creature that had protected him but to invite a troll into his house? Did Elijah Pepperjack have no self-preservation instincts?

Jim should have said no then. He'd already interacted with the human far more than he should. He glanced toward the woods and then toward the house. His ears flicked. Why was he still hesitating?

"My mom's not home, so no one will see you," Eli continued, looking up at him with wide pleading brown eyes.

Meaning he wouldn't be showing himself to any new humans.

Jim wavered. It had been years since he'd gotten to watch a movie or do any normal human things. Merlin was out, so he didn't really have to worry about when he arrived back at the cave.

He tapped his fingers against his thigh. His armor clinked.

But Arcadia…

Arcadia would be fine for a little. He had been close enough to the end of his patrol to see that Eli had been the only human about outside right now.

"Sure," He said slowly.

Yeah he could work with this. He was making sure that Eli, the only human crazy enough to wander Arcadia at night, was staying indoors. That was totally doing his job, right?

"Really?!"

Jim's lips twitched into an involuntary smile. Eli looked like he had been he'd been given a trip to Santa's workshop for Christmas and just found out it was the real deal.

"Yeah, just tonight."

One night wouldn't hurt anything.

"So this is where you've been disappearing to."

Jim froze.

Merlin was standing in the shadows of the tree with his arms folded. His lips were drawn into a thin line.

Immediately a wave of guilt washed over him. He had only meant to hang out with Eli once but then… well… He'd had fun and Eli had had fun and he'd been invited back… and it would have been rude to refuse so he'd agreed to meet again … and that second visit had turned into a third and a fourth and…

And now he was here.

"Are... are you mad at me?" Jim asked carefully.

Merlin sighed. He pressed the tips of his fingers to his forehead and rubbed them in circles like he had a headache.

"I'm not mad just disappointed." He sounded it too.

Jim flinched, ears pressing down.

Merlin turned away.

"Come," He said. "We're going home."

He disappeared far into the darkness of the woods and, after a quick glance back at the house behind him, Jim followed.

/

The walk back to the caves occurred in relative silence. Honestly Jim wished Merlin would just yell at him or something. As it was, the calm emotionless expression on his mentor's face left him tense and anxious.

"You know what you've done wrong," Merlin stated when they were back in their abode.

"Yes," Jim said, hanging his head slightly. "I showed myself to a human."

Merlin sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"A simple slip up is one thing, but you repeatedly visited this human."

"…But he already knows about me and is keeping it secret," Jim said softly. "You're always busy and I…" He hesitated. "It's nice to have someone to spend time with."

Merlin huffed.

"You have your training and Snip." The cat in question opened an eye at the mention of her name. "If that isn't enough you can always go to Trollmarket, I'm sure they can find you something to do."

Jim's ears pressed against the side of his head. There was certainly always something for him to do at Trollmarket, Bagdwella at least made sure of that, but they didn't really like or trust him there. He remembered how they had first reacted to him and despite pretending otherwise he heard the whispers.

Abomination.

They had to test him with a gaggletack to make sure he wasn't a changeling before they'd even allow him to roam free. He'd barely been able to hide his flinch when the iron horseshoe had burned his skin, causing his magic to buzz anxiously as it tried to make him shift but couldn't since his normal form was halfway between his other two. The trainers he'd been assigned where nice enough but…

"It's just nice to have someone my age…"

Merlin stood up. The metal feet on his chair shrieked as they grated on the stone floor. Jim flinched at the sound.

"Come," He said sharply and the half-troll quickly obeyed.

Merlin led him to the large cave that served as their training room. Jim stood stiffly in front of the door as the wizard shuffled around in a pile of props.

"Hmm… Ah yes! Here it is."

He pulled out a straw dummy and set it in the middle of the room.

"So you want to spend time with this… Elijah Pepperjack," Merlin said. Jim twitched in surprise. How long had Merlin known about his visits to have found Eli's full name? "I've warned you before that it's too dangerous but it seems I should expect you to go against my advice anyway."

Jim opened his mouth to protest but stopped when Merlin kept speaking.

"If you want to persist in this… this dalliance I suppose I can't stop you, but I must make sure you know what you are getting into."

He turned to the side and gestured.

"Let's pretend that this training dummy is your human friend."

Merlin raised his hand and Excalibur materialized in it. The lights of the crystals glinted off the blade and his armor casting motes of light on the floor.

"Defend him from me."

"What?!"

"Come Trollhunter, show me how well you can protect someone."

With that Merlin lunged with his sword toward the training dummy. Jim felt his adrenaline surge as he managed to just barely summon his armor in the nick of time. He threw Daylight, deflecting Excalibur and buying him enough time to get between Merlin and Eli… the training dummy.

The wizard didn't wait for him to recover his sword and lunged forward slicing at Jim with rapid two-handed strokes. Jim was still somewhat off guard and couldn't rally his concentration enough to resummon Daylight. He managed to call his shield and held it up to fend off the blows and tried to push Merlin back.

"Come," Merlin snarled impatiently at him. "I've trained you better than this."

Merlin caught the shield with one of his arm-blades. The next stoke of his sword hit the amulet. Jim staggered, disoriented, as the blue light flickered. Murmurs of distant voices whispered in his ears and his armor vanished. Merlin took advantage and dealt a fast two handed stroke against him. He cried out as it cut into his arm.

Excalibur's magic burned and Jim dropped to his knees clutching at the wound with a pained snarl.

Too late he recognized the distraction. He forced himself to his feet in a panic, pulling his hand away from to wound to summon Daylight…

And stopped.

Excalibur was sticking out from the chest of the training dummy.

Jim stared blankly at it.

"See?" Merlin said.

He strode over to the dummy and pulled the sword out with a sharp tug, spilling straw across the floor.

"If that had been a human, he would have been dead," Merlin continued in his lecture tone. "Ours is not world for mere humans. Do you think your enemies will hold back on you? Do you think they won't hesitate to use friends against you?"

Jim shook his head. His voice seemed to have shriveled into a lump in his throat. His arm throbbed. He glanced down at it and saw a drop of blood trickle off the side of his arm fall onto the floor.

It felt like a vice was closing in on his ribcage.

He wanted to leave.

"Do you understand?" Merlin was asking.

"Yes," Jim said quietly, voice barely audible. "May I go?"

"You may," Merlin said. He sounded closer.

Jim flinched slightly when his… mentor laid a hand on his shoulder.

"I know this seems harsh, but I really do have your best interests in mind," The man said softly. "The Trollhunter has always worked alone. It's better that way. Now go take care of yourself."

Jim listened silently, eyes still on the floor, as Merlin left the room.

The moment he was sure the wizard was really gone, he bolted for the door to the outside.

/

Jim wasn't entirely sure how he ended up in a dumpster but he didn't particularly care. It was in a secluded part of town, there was no humans, no trolls, and no Merlin there.

The reek of the trash was subdued in the gentle patter of the rain and the light from the lone streetlamp barely reached him here.

He curled into himself and started shaking. He didn't have any real words for what he was feeling but it felt like hurt and emptiness and a blade lodged in his chest all at once.

He wanted other people to be safe, he really did. But idea of continuing to fight alone until he returned to dust or stone… or whatever a half-creature like him became… felt so… so pointless. It wasn't just Merlin being against him being friends with Eli. It was Kanjigar's death, and his mom being gone and Trollmarket's cold reaction to his appearance and… and…

A pained sob tore itself out of his chest.

It hurt.

He just wanted it to be done.

He just wanted to rest.

The sound of footsteps jerked him out of his misery and he looked up to see a mop of red hair, now drenched with rainwater, and a familiar pair of blue eyes staring at him.

They widened as they met his.

Nemesis, champion of Morganna, seemed every bit as shocked to see him as he did her.

/

Jim shifts slightly and the branch creaks under him. From his current position he can see through the widow of Elijah Pepperjack without the human spotting him. The teenager is currently sitting at his desk chewing on a pencil as he stares down at a book with furrowed brow. The warm light from his window stops just short of where Jim's dark fingernails dig into the bark beneath him.

He shouldn't even be here. He knows better than to ignore Merlin's warnings. The wizard already has too many variables to deal with without Jim adding his own willfulness to the mix. Anyway, he's really only looking out for Jim.

Jim knows that but…

But when he'd ran into Nemesis, he'd been ready to let her kill him. He'd seen her familiar face above him and been almost relieved. It wasn't like he really had anything to live for after all.

And yet…

She hadn't even tried. She had invited him to sit with her and patched the cut on his arm with an uncharacteristic gentleness. He hadn't known what to do.

Then –in what was probably his most foolish decision ever- he'd asked her for advice.

She'd given it.

So here he is, contemplating the value of friendship based on the advice from an enemy.

Jim sighs and runs a hand over his face, ignoring the faint rasp of stone on stone.

This is insane. He should just leave. He'll be putting Elijah in danger. There's no way he can make sure that the human is always safe, not with the whole of Arcadia to protect.

He stands up and starts to turn away, but the warm glow of from the bedroom window draws him back.

"Do what's good for you, or you're not good for anybody," Nemesis' voice echoes in his memory.

The sincerity that he'd seen in her eyes causes a pang of something (something painful but almost sweet) to form in his heart. He just wants something outside of his duty… a chance to be someone outside of the Trollhunter. To be Jim again.

Can't he be selfish just this once?

Eli sits at his desk trying to work on his homework. He can't focus. He's been reading the same paragraph for the last hour but still isn't sure what it says.

He makes a frustrated sound and throws himself back in his chair. It balances precariously on two legs as he shoves his glasses up and scrubs at his eyes.

"You're losing it, Pepperjack," He says reproachfully to himself. "Why would someone that cool want to be your friend anyway?"

"Eli!"

Eli looks up to see a blue face and glowing eyes staring in his window. He lets out a high pitched scream and topples over backwards.

"Eli! Are you all right?" His mom calls from downstairs.

"I'm fine!" He yells back. "Just tipped over my chair."

"Again? You need to be more careful!"

Eli blushes but scrambles to his feet and quickly lunges forward to open his window.

"You came back!" He says, a hesitant, excited smile forming on his face as the blue creeper…. No, troll, he reminds himself… climbs into his room. He did come back. It had been weeks, Eli had started to think that he wasn't going to.

"Yeah," the Trollhunter says slowly.

He looks uncertain. His eyes dart from side to side before he turns around and closes the window behind him. He then closes the blinds for good measure.

"What… are you doing?" Eli asks hesitantly.

He's never behaved this way before.

"We need to talk," The Trollhunter says and Eli's heart immediately plummets to his toes.

That phrase never leads to anything good.

"Wha… What do you want to talk about?" Eli's voice sounds small.

He'd known that this whole thing was too good to last. Cool monster heroes like the Trollhunter weren't the sort of people to be friends with nerdy nobodies like Eli.

The troll doesn't seem to notice his hesitance. He picks up one of Eli's model flying saucers and turns it around in his hands before putting it back and sitting cross-legged on Eli's bed.

"You should sit down too."

Eli obeys, the feeling of dread growing in his chest. The Trollhunter opens his mouth and Eli braces himself.

"I want to be friends," He says, brows furrowed and expression grim.

Eli's brain derails.

"Y-you do? But why…"

The expression and statement don't really match.

"I need to explain some things first, so you know what you're getting into," He continues. "Then you can decide if you want to be friends."

"Of course I want to…"

He is silenced by a sharp look.

"I told you when we first met that I was tasked with protecting Arcadia, right?"

Eli nods quietly. He certainly won't be forgetting that meeting soon.

"There are a lot of people who aren't particularly happy about that. In fact they would do anything… use anyone… to get to me…"

The troll looks down at his hand for a moment before clenching it into a fist. A soft growl rumbles from his throat, causing Eli to jump.

"If you decide to be friends with me… if anyone finds out… you, and your family, will be in danger. Do you understand?"

He continues going on to detail exactly what changelings and goblins and Bular are capable of. It was something he told Eli back when they first met and he was trying to discourage him from studying the supernatural. He sounds for all the world as if he's trying to drive Eli off and he's not entirely unsuccessful –the idea of putting his mom in danger doesn't sit well with Eli- but as he's talking the troll starts to slowly curl in on himself. His gaze drafts downward to study his clenched hand. He looks scared and lost.

"…Merlin thinks it's a bad idea," The Trollhunter is saying. His ears press low against the sides of his head.

Eli takes a deep breath and forcibly swallows down the lump in his throat.

"hey…" He tries to get the troll's attention, but he isn't quite loud enough. "Hey!"

The troll flinches and looks up.

"You said it was my choice if I wanted to be your friend right?" Eli asks.

The troll nods.

"I… I admit all this stuff sounds scary," He says and his voice is shaking. Honestly he's never been able to stand up to Steve let alone a monster like Bular but… "But it sounds like you're lonely and I don't really have any friends either and…" His voice cracks and he coughs a little and squares his shoulders. "And I want to try. You said a Trollhunter never gives up right?"

The troll nods again slowly.

"So if the problem is me being in danger then maybe..."

Eli hesitates thinking for a moment before an idea comes to him.

"Maybe you could teach me to defend myself! Then you won't have to worry about always being there to protect me.

And maybe he could help out in protecting Arcadia. Eli thinks that sounds really cool, but he decides not to say anything yet on that. He doubts the Trollhunter will accept his help.

The troll's blue eyes widen for a moment and then a hesitant smile forms across his face.

"That's… that's a good idea." His shoulders relax slightly and his ears are back up. "That way I won't have to worry as much about you investigating something and getting into trouble either."

He gives Eli a hopeful look.

"So you really would do this?"

"Yes." Eli says. He's feeling a little cheesy so he holds out his hand. "Let's be friends, Trollhunter."

The troll cocks his head but takes the hand and squeezes it. His eyes study Eli's face for a moment.

"Jim…" He says softly. "My name's James Lake, but friends call me Jim,"

"Cool, I'm Eli," Eli says and then blushes, rubbing at his hair. "Buuuut… you already knew that…"

The Trollhunter… Jim… (Eli's new friend!) chuckles at that.

"Don't worry about it." He pauses, a serious look flickering across his face. "Though for future reference, you really shouldn't just give your name to unfamiliar magical beings."

"Why's that?" Eli asks.

"For one thing, it makes it easy for other people to find your house… but in the right hands… well a name can be a weapon. Fae and some witches can use names to control people."

"Oh," Eli says with a shiver. "Is that why you didn't tell me your name at first."

Jim nods.

A warm feeling appears in his chest. That means that Jim trusts him.

"Thanks for telling me then," He says.

"Thank-you for inviting me in," Jim responds, sincerity shining in his eyes. "You don't know how much it means to me."

Author Notes:

This is really the center-point of the plot. It happens before and after the events of the first chapter.
I was going to do the two parts of this chapter separate but I decided I wanted to keep them together. (Partially because I didn't want to leave Jim in the dumpster.)

Merlin doesn't realize just how far he pushed Jim. In his attempts to do things "for the greater good", he's completely lost sight of the importance of individual people's feelings and needs (Aside from his own).

It was a good thing that Jim met Barbara in the circumstances he did and when he did. If he had met her in battle, he would have ended up being killed. A large part of winning fights is wanting to win and well... Jim had stopped caring. That said things get better for Jim.

I haven't quite decided what part of the story I want to work on next but we'll see. I'll probably do a chapter in the past again. Let me know what you think about the way I'm jumping back and forth between the past and present.