Chapter 14 - Hazbin Hotel

"I've never been inside a castle before; do the corridors usually rearrange themselves like this?" Hilda murmured, pausing at yet another intersection in an endless cavalcade of corridors.

True to form, two of three possible corridors promptly dissolved into sand, leaving a single unbroken tunnel heading further into the depths. This was a pattern that had repeated every few minutes in a journey where time was meaningless. The correct passage varied on each occasion, and they were sometimes greeted with brief glimpses of Sandshrew and Sandile, but they never stayed for long, vanishing quickly into the sand seconds after being spotted.

"Not usually, no, but the Celestica were a people of many secrets, some of which have long outlived them. The castle makes way for us, because I come as a friend to the Queen. You'll not see anything similar in Unova, though there are plenty of Ghosts and Zorua who loved to employ similar tropes to scare passersby. Never mind that though; we're almost there."

True to Koffing's words, the next long corridor proved to be the last, collapsing behind the party as they emerged into a cozy chamber; perfectly symmetrical, walls lined with smooth red brick. with torches adorning the walls at even intervals; the only decoration visible on any surface. But all of this took a back seat to the dominant figure in the room - The Queen.

A truly titanic Volcarona, she towered over the visitors even as she laid flat on her stomach, body wrapped inside a quilt resembling a cocoon with only her head fully visible. A regular-sized, mechanical Volcarona floated in front of her head, projecting what appeared to be reruns of Unova's Got Talent for her viewing pleasure. A Claydol hovered beside her, levitating a bowl of popcorn the size of a bathtub from which she would periodically partake.

"Just like I promised, there she is," Koffing stage-whispered to his awestruck audience. "The first Volcarona ever born a Fire-type in aeons long gone. She never did enjoy Fighting; nor did she like partaking in physical activity of any kind, in fact she hated it enough to shed her tail and learn how to fly so that she wouldn't need to walk ever again."

"I can hear you, you scoundrel," The Queen huffed, finally turning away from her home cinema. "For the record, I'm old but not that old. Now, what do you want?"

"Well, since you're offering, do you have any Sun Stones left?" Koffing asked shamelessly. "A friend of the family is a Cottonee, and he'd quite like to have fully articulated limbs again."

"Those old things? Now that you mention it, I did have a chestful until recently, but a strange young man in a flying pyramid dug them all up a few years ago. I never did bother to replace them, did I?" The Queen mumbled absently, Claydol beeping something that might have passed as affirmation. "Oh, don't you worry, this will take just a second!"

Reaching out with one stubby arm, The Queen reached into the tub, tossing a single kernel of popcorn into the air. For a single (micro)second, the kernel burned with the light of creation, whilst icicles erupted and breath misted as the chamber dropped fifty degrees, all available ambient heat redirected towards another, greater purpose. A Sun Stone landed on the floor with an unceremonious thud, rolling along the suddenly slippery floor until it came to rest against Hilda's foot, warm to the touch even through her Iron Defense.

"That should be enough to get your friend back in shape," The Queen declared grand. "Now begone with you all! I have another fifty episodes to binge before the weekend is done."

"Um, how do we get out?" Hilda asked as she pocketed the Sun Stone. "None of my team can Teleport except Slowpoke, and I left him back in Castelia."

"The same way you came in…" The Queen trailed off as she glanced around, remembering exactly where she was and the conspicuous absence of any doors nearby. "Ah. Right, I see you took the staff entrance to reach me. In that case, Claydol, please direct the guests to their quarters."

Claydol gestured briefly in Hilda's general direction, and then they were gone.

"What do you mean, my TM is being held up at customs?" Absol groaned.

"Jirachi isn't native to Unova." Porygon explained. "Never has been, and even close to home sightings are rare to begin with, overwhelmingly weighted towards Hoenn and the immediate border regions. Only one person has ever managed to obtain a copy of Doom Desire, a very lucky trainer with a Smeargle in the right place at the right time, and he very rarely sells TMs for it. We had no choice but to ship your order from the Far East, the product literally doesn't come from anywhere else."

"That's all well and good; but how does that translate to a bunch of dockworkers blocking Silph Co from shipping goods to Castelia?"

"Just a decade ago, it would have been impossible," Porygon commiserated. "Free trade was the name of the game, and almost every government had bought into the idea at least in theory. But then the Dexit movement took power in Galar and imposed all sorts of restrictions on imports; other regions naturally retaliated and before you know it there's a lot of ways to make people's lives miserable at the borders. Our security teams have secured the cargo on-site, don't worry, we just need to get the ship moving. The presiding dock master is alleging smuggling activity on the vessel, but its all lies and won't stand up to a detailed inspection."

"A timeline, if you could," Absol pressed. "How soon can I have the TM in my hands?"

"Soon. The troublemakers might delay it for a few weeks, but eventually the ship will depart and you'll have your order." Porygon helpfully reassured him, before promptly hanging up.

"Slowpoke."

"Indeed," Absol sighed as he absently patted Slowpoke's head. "Arceus above, I hate politics."

"When she said 'see them to their quarters' I was expecting some old-fashioned barracks half buried in sand, or maybe a prison cell." Hilda quipped as she dug into her sixth steak of the night, blue and dripping blood like all the others.

Around them was a scene of oddly organized chaos, Baltoy floating every which way as they busied themselves bringing more dishes, retrieving empty plates and used utensils, cleaning spillages on the table and floor, all this and more without once getting in each other's way or impeding the motion and/or conversation of their guests.

"I didn't realize the Relic Castle was actually a hotel; you know you could've mentioned that when you said we'd be staying the night."

"The Queen's sweet tooth has to be paid for somehow," Koffing laughed, sipping slowly from a MooMoo Milkshake in a rare moment of indulgence. "Besides, when you get down to it, Claydol and Baltoy were more or less created for the service industry; they're the kind of Pokémon to get incredibly restless when given nothing to do. Running the hotel has been good for them; its kept them mentally stable and thriving long after their creators have faded into history, whereas many of their peers across the ocean have since regressed or even turned feral.

"Amoonguss." Impostor chimed in from the head of the table, where he zealously guarded all the vegetarian options.

"Stop doing that randomly," Joseph complained, nibbling his own steak, well-done with ketchup, mustard and brown sauce just the way he liked it "I keep thinking the translation's gone away when you say your name like that."

"Sus."

"I deeply regret introducing you to the Internet." Joseph deadpanned, causing Hilda to shake as she giggled uncontrollably.

"Careful, don't dislodge the wire," Audino chastised, placing a firm hand on Hilda's back to stabilize the cannula feeding a steady stream of iron into a central vein, and from there directly onward to her heart. "Eating is fine, but try not to make any big full body movements. We need another two hours at least to replenish what you've burned during training today."

"Great, that means even more time for dessert!"

Nimbasa City; the beating heart of Unovan culture, in many ways the opposite of Castelia. Where Castelia prided itself in its towering skyline, Nimbasa enforced draconian planning restrictions to ensure an abundance of green space and a beautiful vista as far as the eye could see. Whereas Castelia was an economic powerhouse hosting many of the world's largest corporations and one of the world's largest docks, Nimbasa captivated the globe with art galleries, film exhibitions, amusement parks and more. Given all the contrasts to be made between Unova's twin stars, Hilda found it rather amusing to be greeted at the gates with a very familiar sight.

"Perish Song again?" Audino huffed as she waded through the crowd to the nearest patient requiring assistance. "Whose bright idea was it to even make a TM for that? One of those Paldeans I'll bet, they only bring trouble everywhere they go..."

Following in Audino's wake, the party made their way to a nearby checkpoint, where an animated discussion was ongoing between several officers of the law. Whilst much of their discussion was held in incomprehensible corporate jargon, one brief snippet did catch Hilda's ear.

"The Masked Singer? Wasn't that an old reality TV show?"

"It was, which is probably where the perpetrator took the name from," Officer Jenny chimed in, even as she continued to survey the scene from atop her Stoutland, relying on his height and bulk to keep the thronging masses in order. "We suspect the perpetrator to be a trainer recently arrested at Castelia for a similar offense, who broke out of their holding cell by methods currently unknown. They retrieved their Paldean Jigglypuff from the evidence locker and went on a rampage at the station, knocking out several officers and their Pokémon before fleeing the scene."

"What the fuck," Joseph muttered, taking advantage of his newly elongated limbs (courtesy of a quick evolution) to facepalm. "That sounds like a villain straight out of a Saturday morning cartoon. Well, at least it's not our problem?"