A scream could be heard in the common room. Everyone, including Sirius, James, Remus, and Madison, looked up the stairs. "It sounds like it's coming from the girls' dorms," Madison said slowly.
The scream sounded again. "That's Serena!" Sirius said urgently, and took off running.
James, Remus, and Madison followed him. He threw open the door to Serena's room and found her screaming and sobbing, hugging Lily, who was also crying. "Serena, what – " he started, before looking behind the two girls.
Lying in Serena's bed was the body of her dog. There was blood all over the sheets and the head was separated from the body. "Fuck," was all Sirius could get out.
"Bloody hell," Madison breathed, arriving right behind Sirius and taking in the scene before her.
James and Remus walked around Sirius and Madison to get to the two girls. Lily, catching sight of her boyfriend, let go of Serena. "Oh James," she cried as he wrapped his arms around her in a big hug.
"Serena," Remus said, moving towards her.
"Get her out of here, Remus," Madison instructed him.
Madison steadfastly avoided looking at Sirius. The two of them watched as Remus put a hand on Serena's shoulder. She was standing there, no longer screaming, but with tears streaming down her cheeks as she stared at what was left of her beloved pet. In her own world, Serena flinched when she felt Remus' hand on her shoulder. "Come on, Serena," Remus said, wanting to get her out of the room.
"Don't," she said, stepping away from him and wrapping her arms around herself as he tried to put his arm around her to guide her away.
Sirius felt satisfaction upon seeing Serena's rejection of Remus. She turned and looked in Sirius' direction for the first time since he had entered the room. The two of them locked eyes. Serena's were full of anger and despair; Sirius' of sadness and longing. "They killed him," she told Sirius, her voice wobbly.
"I know," he said, not breaking eye contact.
"I'm sorry, love," she said, her expression pained.
Upon hearing her old endearment for him, Sirius took a step closer to her and she flew into his arms. Remus and Madison exchanged a look, then quietly left the room, bringing James and Lily with them. Serena started crying again, her arms wrapped around his middle. Sirius clung to her, holding her against him as tightly as he could. "They killed him. I'm sorry," Serena kept repeating through her tears, over and over again.
Sirius stroked her hair, whispering comforting words into her ear. "Serena, it's not your fault. I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry."
Neither one of them knew how long they stood there clinging to each other. Once Serena's sobs subsided, Sirius knew he needed to get her out of the room where the dead dog lay. "Come on," he said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.
He didn't want to bring her down to the common room where everyone was sure to ask questions, so he brought her to his room instead. None of the other Gryffindor seventh year boys were there. Sirius closed the door behind them, still holding her hand. He couldn't bring himself to let go of her for a second. "Come on," he said again, leading her to his bed.
He sat down, pulling her into his lap, and was content to hold her as she curled into him and started to cry again.
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Meanwhile, Remus, Madison, James, and Lily went downstairs to the common room. Spotting Alice and Frank in a corner, they waved them over. The six friends huddled together, Lily no longer crying but still holding on to James' hand. "What happened?" Alice asked.
"Serena's dog is dead," James said grimly.
"In our room," Madison added.
Alice's eyes grew wide and horrified. "Oh, no."
"Start from the beginning," Frank instructed.
Remus and James looked at Lily. "Serena and I had been out. We came back and went upstairs to get our books to work on a Potions essay, and – " Lily bit her lip.
James wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "We got up there, and something felt wrong," Lily continued, shooting her boyfriend a grateful smile. "The door wasn't closed all the way. So we step inside, and – he was in Serena's bed."
"Eros?" Frank asked.
Lily looked too overwhelmed to speak at the moment, so Remus jumped in. "There was blood all over Serena's bed, and the dog was – he was decapitated."
"Oh my gosh," Alice whispered, aghast.
"Serena flipped," Lily continued.
"Of course she did," Remus said.
Madison and Remus exchanged a look as Lily kept talking. "We both started crying, and she was just screaming and screaming – "
"Where is she?" Alice asked, interrupting Lily.
James, Lily, Remus, and Madison looked at one another and shrugged. "Our room, maybe," James said. "Hopefully Sirius got her out of there."
"Sirius?" Alice repeated. "But – "
She stopped. When Felicity had died, it had affected Sirius as well. But Serena had refused his comfort – she had declined to even speak with him, turning to Remus instead. "Sirius?" she simply repeated.
"I don't know what's changed," Lily said.
But Madison did. Felicity had died right after Serena had seen Sirius with Margaret, and Serena had been too hurt to go anywhere near him. But Madison knew that dog had been the last piece of Sirius that Serena had, and as such she had loved the animal and clung to it. Now he was gone. It was obvious – to her, at least – that Serena still needed Sirius. Looking at Remus, Madison knew that if things didn't change then pretty soon the two of them would have to step in and bring their stubborn, foolish friends back together.
"Come on," James said to Remus and Frank. "Let's get the dog out of there."
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"I loved him, you know. Eros," Serena said, finally breaking the silence.
"I know," Sirius said, stroking her arm.
Serena knew – she knew – that she should leave. She shouldn't be in bed with Sirius. But she couldn't bring herself to do it. She couldn't bring herself to push him away, to see the pain in his eyes when she did so. And even more than that, she selfishly wanted to stay put. She felt safe, comforted, loved. Even if Sirius had moved on – to Margaret or anyone else – if they stayed right here, then Serena could pretend that he still loved her.
Serena turned her head into Sirius' chest and began speaking. "I loved him because you gave him to me," Serena said, her voice muffled by his chest.
She started to cry again, saying, "He was the only piece of you that I still had."
Feeling a hope rise inside his chest that he thought he had killed weeks ago, Sirius buried his face in Serena's hair and breathed in deeply. "You've always had me," he said quietly, his breath tickling her ear.
Serena sat up a little, pulling away from him, and Sirius instantly regretted what he had said. He was afraid his words would somehow chase her away again. He refused to loosen his hold on her, but Serena only pulled away far enough to look into his eyes. Seeing the hurt there, she leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead. "I'm so sorry I hurt you," she said softly.
Sirius closed his eyes in contentment as she slowly kissed his eyebrow, his cheek, his nose, and finally his mouth. Then he sprang into action, putting a hand on the back of her head and crushing her mouth against his. His tongue demanded entrance and her mouth opened, allowing him in. She began rocking against him as the kiss intensified, his tongue rubbing hers. Sirius didn't think he could stop if he wanted to – not that he wanted to, of course. Sirius pulled away from her only to take off his robes and hers, then flipped her so he was in control and roughly began kissing her again, his hands caressing her body as he did so. Serena whimpered, pulling him closer and running her hands over his back. He suddenly thrust into her, causing Serena to moan with pleasure as he began moving.
Suddenly he stopped. "Tell me you love me," he demanded, looking down at her.
Serena arched against him. "Sirius – "
"Tell me!" he commanded.
She looked at him and saw the need in his eyes. A need for her, for her love. "I love you," she said.
She kept talking as their bodies began moving together once more. "Do you know when I first knew I loved you?" she asked him breathlessly as he kissed her neck. "That time we were in the kitchen and Al came home – "
She gasped as Sirius moved a hand down to where their bodies were connected, but continued speaking. "He was mad and yelling at me, and you stepped in front of me. Which just made him angrier. Do you remember?"
"Yes," Sirius grunted.
He bit her neck, causing Serena to hiss out a breath. "I've been in love with you ever since then," she said as their bodies kept moving together.
Finally, spent, Sirius collapsed on top of her and both of them stopped moving. After a minute he rolled to the side, keeping an arm around her. "I'm sorry, love. For everything," Serena said after a moment.
"Lay here with me," was Sirius' only reply.
Knowing she shouldn't, and that this warm feeling buzzing through her was the result of a lapse of judgment she would have to rectify later, she still said, "Okay."
And before they knew it, both had drifted off to sleep.
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Hours later, Sirius awoke to find himself alone in bed. He sat up, looking around for any evidence that Serena had even been there and that it hadn't all been a dream, and saw a piece of parchment on his nightstand. With a sinking feeling in the bottom of his stomach, he picked it up and read it.
Sirius –
I meant what I said before. But we can't go back to the way things were. I could never forgive myself if something happened to you like it did Felicity. I hope you can understand.
I've gone home for a few days. I need some time before I can even think about sleeping in that bed in my dorm.
Please don't get upset. Hate me, if you want, but I can't stand to see you sad.
-Serena
"Fuck!" Sirius yelled, crumpling her note into a ball.
"Wha'sa matter?" came James' sleepy voice from the bed across the room.
"Nothing," Sirius replied.
He got back into bed, furious with himself for being sucked back in so easily by Serena. Lighting his wand, he smoothed the parchment and read the note again. There had to be some sort of hidden message in it that he hadn't gotten with the first reading. There was no way she was faking everything before, that she could just leave him.
She meant what she said before. When? About loving me?
Sirius frowned. But if she did, why did she break up with me? Why did she distance herself from me?
Deciding to move on, Sirius stopped on the part about Felicity. She thinks something will happen to me? Does she think Felicity's death was her fault? Probably. She thinks everything bad is her fault.
Continuing to read, Sirius figured it made sense that she went home. She always runs away when some sort of problem comes up. I can't blame her for not wanting to go back to her room…it was terrible to see Eros like that. But she could have stayed in my bed.
Not knowing what to make of the closing to the letter but unable to let go of the hope he had started to feel again regarding Serena, Sirius fell asleep holding the parchment in his hand.
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"Where's Serena?" James asked Sirius the next day.
"Went home," he answered shortly.
The two of them were the only ones still in their room that morning. Frank, Peter, and Remus had already left for class. Sirius had stuffed Serena's letter in his pocket and had no intention of showing it to James. "What happened yesterday?" James asked.
He could sense, of course, that Sirius didn't want to talk about it. But James knew that if he didn't ask, no one else would work up the nerve to do it. "I don't know," Sirius finally responded honestly.
"You don't know?" James repeated, confused.
Sirius grabbed his school bag. "Did I stutter? Come on, we're going to be late for class."
James stared at his friend, then grabbed his books and followed him to class. He didn't know what Serena had done now, but he wished she would stop messing with his friend's head – and his heart.
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"I think we should spill," Madison said to Remus later that day.
The two of them were walking back to the Gryffindor common room from the Great Hall after lunch. By now everyone knew that Serena's dog had been murdered and left in her bed, and that she had freaked out and gone home. But no one knew what had passed between Sirius and Serena. Sirius wasn't as hurt or angry as he could have been, but he was definitely upset. Now that Madison knew that both of her friends still had feelings for each other, she wanted to help them figure things out. And since she and Remus were the only ones who knew the whole story, he would have to be her co-conspirator.
"Madison – " Remus started.
"Remus, you know they're still in love. We have to help them stop being stupid."
"You promised Serena you wouldn't say anything," he said. "And what would we do? Explain it to Sirius? Tell Lily or James and hope they come up with a plan? You know I can't talk about it, Madison. Serena made me take an Unbreakable Vow."
"Yes, but I didn't," Madison said. "And besides, can't they be undone if the original vow-binder will perform the counter spell?"
Remus shrugged. "Maybe," he said. "But I don't know if I could trust Regalus with a wand pointed at me again. I could barely handle it the first time."
The two of them stopped talking as the reached the entrance to the common room, and went inside. Unbeknownst to them, Sirius had been following along behind them – at a distance – and had heard everything they had said. But their words had only caused him confusion. Regalus? What does he have to do with any of this? And Madison knows what's going on, but hasn't said anything? Serena made Remus take an Unbreakable Vow? Why would he even agree to that? And why does it sound like Regalus is the one who performed it? Since when would Serena allow someone like my brother to be around her with a wand?
Turning on his heel, Sirius ran off in search of his brother. He was going to get some answers.
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Remus and Madison found James and Lily in the common room. "We need to talk," Remus told them.
James looked surprised by the tone of his friend's voice. "What's going on, Moony?" he asked.
"Not here," Madison interjected. "Let's go outside. Somewhere deserted."
Remus and Madison led James and Lily outside. They headed towards the Quidditch pitch. "Is everything okay? Is it Serena?" Lily asked.
"Do you know what she did to Sirius this time?" James asked, looking angry on behalf of his friend.
"James, stop," Lily admonished him.
He kept scowling but didn't say anything else. Finally deciding that they had reached the most deserted area they could find, Remus and Madison stopped walking. "What's this about?" James asked again.
"We need your help," Remus said.
"To do what?" Lily asked.
"To help Sirius and Serena."
James crossed his arms. "What do you mean?"
Madison looked at Remus. "We know why Serena's been acting the way she has, and why she broke up with Sirius in the first place."
Lily stared at her two friends, speechless. James didn't have the same problem. "What? You've known this whole time and didn't say anything? And just watched Sirius go through that?" he yelled, taking a step towards them.
Remus stepped in front of Madison protectively. "Madison only just found out. And yes, I knew the whole time, but Serena made me promise not to tell."
"So?" James roared. "You saw how much she hurt Sirius!"
"Serena was hurt too, James," Madison countered. "Or were you too blind to see it?"
James didn't say anything, but he didn't look repentant at all. "Do you know where she'd go when she would disappear for those large chunks of time?" Madison continued.
"Where?" Lily asked, speaking for the first time since Madison's pronouncement.
"Somewhere private where she could break down," Remus answered, his voice quiet. "She still loves Sirius."
"Then her tears were her own fault," James said nastily. "She was the one who broke up with him. She was the one who kept him, and everyone, at a distance. Merlin's beard, Remus, when he had to deal with Felicity's death and Serena's rejection of him in favor of you – " here Remus winced " – at the same time, he was devastated."
"I couldn't tell you. Or Sirius. I couldn't tell anyone," Remus said.
"Yeah, because you made Serena a promise," James said, his tone bitter.
"More than that," Remus said sharply. "Because I took an Unbreakable Vow."
This shocked James to silence for a moment. "Why don't you tell us the story from the beginning. We won't interrupt," Lily said, shooting James a look.
"I'll tell you what I know," Madison said. "Remus still can't talk about it."
"Then how do you know?" James asked.
"Serena told me about two weeks ago."
"Why – " James started.
"She'll get to it," Remus interrupted.
The four friends sat down on the ground and Madison began her explanation. "Right before school started, Serena and Al both received a note. They don't know who, specifically, sent it, but it was a threat from Voldemort. The usual. But the note also said that if Al and Serena didn't turn themselves over to him, then he would go after everyone close to them – starting with Felicity and Sirius."
"Oh, no," Lily said, looking as if everything was suddenly making sense.
James didn't say anything and Madison continued. "Al didn't pay it any mind, but Serena did. Sort of. At this point, she didn't plan on breaking up with Sirius, but she definitely worried about the note."
"So what changed?" James asked belligerently.
"Regalus Black," Madison said, her expression turning sour. "Once we had been back at school for a few days, he got Serena alone and told her that Voldemort would really come after Sirius and that he was worried about his brother. I don't know any more of the details of the conversation – " here she flicked a glance at Remus " – but after all of Regalus' precautions, they weren't as alone as they had thought. Remus happened to be around and he overheard."
James and Lily looked at Remus, who looked like he was dying to put his two cents in, but knew he couldn't. "After Regalus left, Remus confronted Serena to make sure she wasn't taking Regalus seriously. But she did; somehow, Regalus had convinced her that Sirius was in danger and it was all her fault. She told Remus she had to distance herself from Sirius, and made him promise not to tell. He agreed, but probably would have told at some point. Serena realized this almost immediately, and asked him to take the Unbreakable Vow."
"How'd she convince you to do that?" James asked Remus.
"She was so desperate," Remus said. "Hysterical, crying. I just couldn't say no."
"So you've known ever since the beginning," Lily said.
Remus nodded. "Why didn't she ever say anything to me about it?" Lily asked.
Madison and Remus exchanged a look, but Remus only said, "I think that's something you need to speak directly with her about."
Lily looked annoyed. "Fine. Continue," James ordered.
"Well, we all know what happened next," Madison said. "She was really smart about it, actually. Serena waited a few weeks, started distancing herself during that time, acting like her feelings were fading, then broke up with him. She wanted him to hate her – well, she didn't want him to, obviously, but figured that would be best because then he wouldn't want to be anywhere near her."
"Well, her grand plan failed," James said sarcastically.
Madison shrugged. "She didn't think so. Things leveled off for awhile, as we all know. But then – "
"Felicity died," Lily put in.
"No, actually, something happened before that."
Here Madison shot a look at James. "Serena walked in on Sirius and Margaret."
"Walked in on them doing wha – oooh," Lily said, comprehension dawning.
James frowned slightly. "Sirius never said that Serena knew about that."
"He didn't know – or doesn't know," Remus said. "I only found out about it yesterday, when Madison told me. Serena found them in an empty classroom, but quickly left before they even knew she was there."
"Oh no," Lily breathed. "And she still loves him, right? Oh, poor Serena."
"Poor Serena? She broke up with him. He can do whatever he wants," James argued.
Lily sent him a reproachful look, and Madison continued. "Even though she broke up with him and by all accounts they weren't getting along, I think a part of her still…still felt like he loved her. So when she walked in on that, it was hard because she knew he didn't love her anymore."
Madison and Remus looked at James, who was suddenly quiet. "This was the night before Felicity died," Remus added.
Lily's eyes went wide. "I remember that night! Serena was gone for ages, and we all waited up for her, and she finally came in looking terrible – "
"Yes, that was the same night," Madison said. "Then the next day, she found out Felicity was killed."
"I remember that scene," James said. "She started crying in the Great Hall when she got her letter. And Sirius had received a letter about Felicity too, and was also upset. But she wouldn't let him anywhere near her, turning to you – " here he looked at Remus " – instead."
Remus grimaced. "That was a pretty terrible day," he agreed.
"Serena thought that Sirius was with Margaret, and she was so hurt. That's why she pushed him away," Madison explained.
"You seem more understanding now than you were at the time," Lily commented.
Madison flushed slightly. "Yeah…well, I didn't like Serena turning to Remus any more than Sirius did."
Here Remus squeezed her hand reassuringly. Madison gave him a small smile before continuing to speak. "Late that night, I heard her get out of bed and head downstairs. I was angry, and not thinking straight, and a part of me thought she was going to meet Remus or something. So I waited a minute, then followed her."
Madison paused, her face sad. "She had only gone to the common room. She was in a ball on the floor, sobbing hysterically. I asked her what was wrong, thinking she was upset about Felicity, but that's when she told me about seeing Sirius with Margaret."
Madison shook her head slightly, trying to get the image of Serena's distraught expression out of her head. "That's when I realized there was never anything going on with Remus and Serena. She was still in love with Sirius. And the next day, she told me everything."
"That's all we know," Remus finished.
James looked like he was thinking, and Lily looked sad. "I can't believe Serena kept so much of this to herself," Lily finally said.
"She was willing to go through all of it to keep Sirius safe," Madison said, looking at James pointedly.
He still didn't say anything. "Come on, Prongs, you've noticed the terrible shape she's been in," Remus said.
James looked at his friend. "Why are you telling us this now?"
"There was never anything I could say," Remus reminded him.
"And I thought the same thing as Serena, that Sirius was with Margaret. I didn't think it was a great love or anything, but I thought he was moving on. I didn't realize until yesterday that they both still loved each other so much," Madison defended herself.
Lily and James looked at each other, then back at their friends. Neither one of them looked pleased, but they both looked at Madison and Remus and asked, "So now what?"
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"How are you doing?" Al asked his sister.
Serena had shown up on their doorstep last night, looking scared and upset. She had told Al about Eros and said she couldn't face being in her room. Of course her brother had let her stay. Serena had gone to her room, and Al had left her alone until this morning. "I don't know," Serena said, sitting up in bed.
Al looked closely at his sister. "Is something else bothering you?" he asked.
His intuition told him this was about more than Serena's pet being killed. Serena looked into her brother's concerned gaze, then looked down at her bed covers. "What is it?" Al persisted.
"I just – I did something stupid," she confessed haltingly. "I was so upset – I turned to Sirius."
Now Al felt confused. "Sirius? But you broke up with him awhile ago, didn't you? You said you didn't have feelings for him anymo – "
All of the sudden he stopped talking. "Oh Serena, no," he breathed.
He now realized Serena had only broken up with Sirius because of the threat in the note they had received back in August. "I had to," Serena said defensively.
Al ran a hand over his face. "Serena, why are you doing this to yourself? To Sirius? All because of a stupid – "
"Stupid?" Serena interrupted, her voice rising. "How can you say that, after what happened to Felicity?"
Immediately Serena clapped a hand over her mouth, wishing she could take the words back. She couldn't bring herself to look at her brother; she knew she couldn't have hurt him more if she tried. I don't really think what happened to Felicity is his fault…do I? Serena asked herself. Although I broke up with Sirius to save him…Al could have done the same with Felicity but he was too selfish…like how I was last night…
Her swirling thoughts were interrupted by her brother finally speaking. "You should go," Al said, getting up.
Serena finally looked at her brother. His face was expressionless, his eyes empty. She noticed the stubble on his chin and the shadows under his eyes. Obviously he was still losing sleep over Felicity's death. How could she have just thrown that in his face? She had to make him understand. "Al – " she started. "I'm sor – "
"I mean it," he said, interrupting her apology. "Go back to school, Serena. You can't run away every time something's bothering you, and you shouldn't be missing class."
He turned to leave her room, and Serena felt her desperation rising. "Al – Al, please – "
But before her eyes, he Disapparated. Serena felt tears come to her eyes, and she curled up in a ball in her bed. What have I done?
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