Hey yo, author here! Few things! Firstly, so I decided to reduce chapter lengths overall. This was originally gonna be twice the size, but I don't want chapters to start going 17/18k words. I'm not gonna trim anything, just changing how I break the story up! Secondly, FF finally fixed the viewer count, and it was super surreal. The number of people who have viewed my last update melts my head ahaha. With that being said, please still review/favorite/follow 3, makes my day every time. Right, with that being said, on with the chapter!
As always, much love - Seadavid41
Ch. 27 Rain
Raven had always thought emotions, including her own, were fickle things. In her life, where being in control was so important for herself and for her duty as a hero, it still surprised her how little it took to invoke the wrath of the different aspects of herself. Someone made a passing remark, Rude was always chomping at the bit, Raven made a mistake, Timid was ready to really drive that home and god forbid Raven read something in a book she didn't know, as Knowledge would ensure that she stayed up all night pursuing the topic. It was with that idea, that she subconsciously marveled at how a single sentence could change the mood of every single Titan in the room with her, but in different ways.
The loudest responses always drew the initial attention. Raven barely had the words out of her mouth as the room immediately fell into uproar. Several Titans immediately voiced their disapproval, each shouting over the other to try and get their point across. Raven wasn't trying to identify the voices in the crowd. She wasn't completely oblivious to the fact that her suggestion wouldn't warrant a warm response, but she had realised it was the safest option they had. A surefire way to keep world-ending power out of Deathstroke's hands forever. After all, she had already lived far more life than she was supposed to.
But while she didn't listen to the crowd for voices, her eyes did scan the room, searching for the people the she cared the most about. Her eyes landed on Starfire first, as he had been the last to speak before Raven dropped a bombshell on their little gathering. Starfire had never exactly been good at hiding what she was really thinking and this time was no different. Raven couldn't help but almost feel bad for even suggesting what she had as she dragged her eyes away from the Tamaranean, who had yet to uncover her mouth with her hands. Her eyes moved to Cyborg, who had been stood behind Starfire, and while he wasn't amongst those shouting, his look of defiance, which bordered into anger, said more to Raven than anyone currently shouting up at her. His message was obvious.
Not an option. Ever.
She moved on, almost wishing that the metal Titan would look away, the feeling of his piercing gaze still burning a hole in the side of her head. She wouldn't turn around to Nightwing. She imagined he was probably looking somewhat relieved that his prediction of everyone's outrage came true. However, as her eyes moved, she suddenly wished she had taken the time to turn around. Anything to delay what she was no looking it at. For the first time, her face faltered, her lips parting just the slightest bit, as if she had suddenly lost all her breath. In her determination to say what she thought she needed to, she didn't even realise they were involved in the gathering.
Timmy and Teether were looking up at her wide-eyed, confusion evident in their young faces, like they hadn't quite understood what Raven had meant by what she said. Each of them hung onto one arm of Melvin, who was staring up at her wide-eyed. Unlike her brothers, she very much understood what Raven had meant. Raven could see the realization in her face, as he pulled her brothers in closer to her side. Raven could see her whispering something to them but over the cacophony of other voices, she couldn't pick up what she had said.
She eventually tore her eyes away, almost unable to look at Melvin's defeated face for another second. Finally, her eyes settled on the last person who's response she truly cared about. Still sat beside her own empty spot, Beast Boy looked up at her unmoving. Throughout all the time Raven had known Beast Boy, he had never had a great poker face. Even in the motel when they first talked after Adonis, while being different from before, he still very much wore his heart on his sleeve. But now, his expression was like that of a stone, unflinching, unemotional. In all honesty, it almost looked like he wasn't paying attention. If it wasn't for the fact that he was currently staring at her as if he was looking past her exterior and peering straight into her soul, she could have been able to convince herself of that. When her eyes had fallen on him, he had already been staring and he didn't even flinch when green met amethyst. It had crossed her mind to tell him in the Med Bay before the brief…but maybe a little selfishly, Raven wanted just a few moments of peace before everything went to hell. She looked away first, looking down and closing her eyes tight as a commanding voice cut through the noise.
"Everyone settle down! Shouting opinions across the room won't do anything! Now, like I said before, I disagree with condemning Raven to death even being an option and based on many of your responses, I can only assume most of you do as well. However, Raven has asked for this time. So, if anyone has a question about either suggested path forward, now is the time."
"Yea, I got one."
Raven's gaze flicked upwards to lock eyes with the daughter of Deathstroke. She almost smirked. She hadn't interacted with her much, but she liked Ravager. No nonsense, straight to the point and also had a father who had or was currently trying to end the world. Leave it to her to dive straight into a subject like this when other people would've tiptoed around. Raven nodded at the girl to signal she could go ahead.
"So, not to dampen the mood further, but I just want to understand more about whatcha' found. I know it's blunt, but why couldn't somebody just kill you now? What's the importance of your demonic side being in control in all this?"
Raven had actually thought of this as well beforehand and had an answer prepared. "The rules that govern how Trigon's powers are passed down are…convoluted. However, an unquestioned law for succession with demons is nepotism. In essence, with the right to control Trigon's fire armies left unclaimed on Earth, I am first in line and will always be first in line. However, Trigon's realm, the dark dimension, also has it's own system that affects hierarchy…the spilling of blood. If Deathstroke were to slay me in the ritualistic way required, whether I was demonic or not, the right to Trigon's armies would fall to him as he has been given Trigon's blessing and so has fulfilled the prerequisite required. However, if I were to claim the right, and then was slain by another, Deathstroke would no longer have any way to claim control for himself. He is still an outsider, given powers by Trigon's choice…not by his blood. Killing me in my demonic form would essentially eliminate the ability of any person to command the fire demons on Earth until Trigon could gather enough strength to come again, which won't be for millennia."
Ravager took this all in with interest. "Okay…separately then, do you know how to embrace your demonic side? Like is at easy as flicking a switch?"
Raven shook her head. "It isn't as simple as that. I would require some time. Essentially, I would have to relinquish all control I have over my emotions and allow my demonic side to come to the fore. I'd have to not only give in, but fully allow that side of me to take control. Once that process was complete, the person you know would essentially cease to exist. But, during this time, I would be vulnerable. If we investigate this plan…that is when the act would have to be done."
"Killing you."
Raven's eyes drifted to Cyborg who still looked like he wanted to tear into her for even daring to bring this idea up.
"If that's how you want to say it…yes."
Cyborg snorted. "I don't want to say it. I don't want you to say it. I don't want anyone to say it. Okay, I got a question. After everything we've been through, how could you think we'd ever even consider going along with this?"
Raven sighed, but kept her face composed. "I'm not asking you to do this…but my responsibility as a Titan is to the people we protect first and foremost. Tell me Cyborg, if you were in my position, and you found something that could save the world, but end your life…would you hide that information?"
Cyborg opened his mouth as if to protest, but suddenly found that no words were coming out. Raven saved him from being speechless for too long.
"We can pursue other avenues…but you all had a right to know what I found out."
The crowd fell into silence for a minute as everyone mulled over the bombshell that Raven had dropped on the room. Eventually, a hand raised in the crowd and Raven's gaze moved onto the form of the Herald, stood behind one of the couches. Raven nodded at the trumpet player.
"Going back to…the first plan. You said you had only managed to assume your white form three times on Earth. Have you managed to assume it somewhere else?"
Raven mulled the question over in her head. "That is…complicated. There are two other times I have technically assumed this version of myself. When I became the portal for Trigon and was reduced to a shard of my former self…I was technically in this form. The other time is…even more complicated. Without going into too much detail, as part of my meditation, I possess a mirror that lets me…traverse…my own mind, in a sense. It allows me to deal with my emotions individually. A few years ago, after a particular encounter with Dr. Light, before Trigon's defeat, an aspect of him…got loose in head. With help from Cyborg and Beast Boy, I was able to defeat Trigon's aspect, assuming my white form in the process…but this was entirely within the realm of my own mind and not applicable to the real world."
The Herald's brow furrowed as he assessed Raven's answer. "Okay, I think I understand…but tell me then. When you entered your own mind like this and assumed this form, what was the process behind that? It sounds like you understand how it occurred?"
For the first time since she stood up, Raven's expression changed to one of genuine contemplation. In all honesty, she had discounted the time she became whole in Nevermore due to the impossible nature of the world inside her mirror and mind.
"Well…when I meditate like this, I can essentially speak to different aspects of myself individually. As such, when I assumed it within my own mindscape, it was simply a matter of well…asking them to come together. It was the same principle as the real world of all aspects of my being uniting, except it was like I could just ask every aspect of myself to help in person."
The Herald brought his hand up to his chin. "Okay, so say the aspect of Trigon got loose in the real world. In the past, all the aspects of yourself came together to fight this in your head, but this wouldn't apply on Earth. There must be a difference in circumstance…something that changes the outcome. Take your mindscape as the control experiment. A dimension where all variables are eliminated because well…it's in your head. You're able to eliminate all the variables. There has to be something different occurring…a condition not being met."
Raven's interpretation of her emoticlones and how they affected her powers had always been quite…abstract…as emotions tended to be. To hear the Herald's approach, an approach based in logic and rationale, was intriguing to her. She was about to respond when a voice cut across the room.
"Rage."
Raven's head swiveled to lock eyes with Beast Boy, whose expression hadn't changed since she looked away the first time. If she hadn't just heard him speak, she almost would've assumed he hadn't moved. It even took her a second to pick up on what he'd said, her brain slowly catching up with her sense of hearing.
"I'm sorry?"
Beast Boy's face still didn't change, a genuinely unnerving sight for the empath. "It's Rage…that's the variable. In Nevermore, the aspect of Trigon...that was Rage but under his influence. You assumed your white form without her, but when she joined back, you immediately went back to being blue. In the real world, you've assumed you're white form three times. The first time with Malchior, up until he showed his true colours…well, it was the happiest you had ever been…you had no reason to be angry. When you turned white fighting against Trigon, the part of you that was destined to become the portal…Trigon's aspect, had essentially just been eliminated. As for the third time…well I wasn't there for that…but surely there's enough of a connection there already."
Raven stared blankly back at Beast Boy, as though he had just finished explaining the basics of quantum physics to the room. For him to be able to diagnose her emotions like that and present a plausible theory in seconds…unsettled her. Raven puller her hood up, suddenly feeling even more uncomfortable being under the spotlight now that the conversation had simply moved onto her emotions. Maybe if she asked nicely, they could go back to talking about her dying…that would be preferable…
She was about give some sort of response, when Nightwing cleared his throat from behind her, as he made to address the room.
"I think we can wrap it up there for now. Everyone, please make sure to collect a dossier on your way out and familiarize yourself with the contents. No matter what, we will be taking action in the next few days and we will all need to be ready for when that time comes. Electronic files have been sent to Titans who can't be here straight away."
The tension in the room seemed to dissipate with Nightwing's dismissal and Titans slowly began shuffling forwards and collecting a folder each from the table in the middle of the room. Raven, for her part, stayed frozen where she was, her eyes still locked on Beast Boy's, even as he began to stand up and move towards the table himself. Raven felt a tap on her shoulder and finally broke her gaze from the changeling and turned to face Nightwing. "Hang back for a minute…"
Raven could only nod as Nightwing stepped past her and began weaving through the crowd. Out of the corner of her I, she saw Starfire leaving out one of the side entrances, with Cyborg leaving after her as if he was trying to catch up to the Tamaranean. Her heart panged in her chest. She knew it wasn't fair to drop the information she had onto her friends but…life wasn't fair. She knew that better than everyone.
She turned back to see where Nightwing had gone only for her blood to run cold as she spotted him talking to Beast Boy. After a few seconds, Beast Boy glanced in her direction, before nodding, although he didn't look entirely happy with whatever he had agreed to. The pair of them began making their way back towards Raven, who pulled her hood up. After feeling so exposed during the brief, she wanted to have some semblance of privacy back. When the pair came to stand in front of her, Nightwing didn't wait for a silence to set in.
"Perhaps we should continue this in my study. No need to continue discussing the inner workings of Raven's mind so publicly…"
Raven smiled internally. Nightwing had always been good at reading people and there was no way he hadn't been able to identify how uncomfortable she had been in front of everyone once the conversation veered in a certain direction. Raven nodded and Nightwing led the way towards the door to his office, near the back of Main Ops. As she walked, Raven glanced at Beast Boy a few times. Not once did he look her way…well at least not that she spotted anyway. Her heart sunk a little lower in her chest.
Not a word was spoken until the three of them were inside Nightwing's office, the sliding door sealing them in.
"Now…seemed like a bit of privacy would be better for a conversation like this. Raven I hope you understand…I'm not trying to pry…but I need to understand what you're dealing with…so please don't take any question I ask here personally."
Raven waved a hand. "I know Nightwing…circumstance demands it."
Nightwing gave a nod of affirmation. "Well then, Beast Boy certainly gave an interesting theory outside…Raven, in…Nevermore, you said you're able to isolate the different aspects of yourself. Would you be able to isolate Rage? If there is any merit to what Beast Boy has suggested, well…I think we'd all rather pursue the first option…or rather not the second."
"It is…possible. However, Rage is…difficult. While she is, of course, an aspect of myself, and I have spoken to her since Trigon's downfall…it was the part of me most influenced by Trigon's presence. If it is an emotion blocking my ability to assume the form required to banish Deathstroke…Rage would be the candidate."
Nightwing, leaned back against his desk, his hands supporting his body weight. "Okay then. Another question then, if Beast Boy's idea could be true, could you think of any reason why Rage wouldn't have affected you turning white when you tried to reach out to Beast Boy after our fight with Rancid? That's the only outlier there is amongst the examples.
Raven shook her head. "I'm…I'm not quite sure."
Nightwing gave a grimace, like that was the answer he had been expecting but didn't want. "Fair…Raven…I have an idea…but I don't think you're going to like it."
Raven looked at Nightwing with an eye roll. "Five minutes ago, I offered to die to keep Deathstroke from obtaining command of Trigon's fire armies. I don't think it can get much worse."
Nightwing took a breath and the look on his face made her question her previous assertion.
"I want you to go into your mindscape…Nevermore, right? I want you to go there and try and understand if Rage is the issue…"
"I will try, but understand Nightwing, I have spent my entire life trying to handle how these facets of myse-"
"…and I want you to take Beast Boy with you."
Raven's jaw would have plummeted to the floor if it wasn't to her skull. Her mouth opened and closed several times and Nightwing couldn't help but smirk.
Yea, death got nothing on this.
"Absolutely not."
Nightwing sighed as Raven clenched her fists, which lay down by her sides. "Raven, be reasonable. I know it's not a simple thing to ask, bu-"
"Of course it's not a simple thing to ask. Tell me Nightwing, or if I wanted to use another name from the time I had to enter your mind to save your life, how would you like it if I asked you to let someone peek behind the mask."
Nightwing didn't back down. "If the choice was between that and my death which could have been avoided, surprisingly, it's not that hard."
Raven stepped forward. "But why? I have been there countless times alone. I don't need someone to watch over me."
Nightwing folded his arms across his chest. "It's not about watching over you. The one time you turned white that we can't explain…well…Beast Boy was at the heart of it. I want him there when you talk to Rage. In all honesty, I want him to speak the emotion itself."
Raven was genuinely lost for words. Nightwing looked at her sadly and walked over, attempting to put a hand on her shoulder. "I know it's a lot to ask…but Raven…this is all in pursuit of…not pursuing plan B…"
Raven brushed her leaders hand away, but struggled to come up with a counter-argument. "We don't even know if he's willing to go."
"I already agreed, in the case that you agreed."
Raven almost jumped as Beast Boy's voice cut across the room. She had almost forgotten that the changeling was in Nightwing's study as well, with everything that had happened and the nature of the conversation she was having with the leader of the Titan's.
Beast Boy stood up from the wall he was leaning against. "I know you don't like having people in your head, but if I have to choose between invading your privacy and going with your other plan and being amongst a selection of nominees, all vying against each other to desperately not get to have the privilege to murder you…I'll take Nevermore."
Beast Boy looked past Raven to Nightwing, who was caught between the two. "Permission to go and get ready."
Nightwing nodded at the changeling who proceeded to walk towards the door. When he was only a couple of feet away from leaving he turned back to the empath. "Of course I was willing to go…you've forged something with me that goes way beyond being inside my mind with this connection we have…I didn't realise that that was supposed to be so one-sided."
Raven took a step towards the changeling, but faltered as he turned his back and slipped out of Nightwing's office without another word. Raven's hand, which she had raised as if to reach out to him, slowly dropped down by her side. From behind her, she sensed Nightwing approach tentatively.
"…I'm guessing you didn't tell him…or anyone about your plans for Deathstroke."
"…no…I didn't."
"…I understand why."
Raven turned to her leader who was looking at her with an empathetic expression, her head tilted in a silent question. Nightwing complied.
"We never stop do we. First is what Slade, then Brother Blood, then Blackfire…Trigon, the Brotherhood and now we're back to Slade under a new name. Sometimes, it's nicer to just put things aside for just a few brief moments and just…pretend we're normal."
Raven was glad that her hood was still up so she didn't have to try and keep a stoic façade. "We're always fighting…but this morning in the Med Bay…I just couldn't…maybe it was selfish, but I just wanted time to call my own."
Nightwing pulled Raven close and wrapped her in an embrace, which she thankfully leaned into. "He'll understand that…hell, he probably already does…same with all the others that heard your ideas in Main Ops…but it's a lot to take in…and you know…in our line of business, for some moments like that…sometimes it's okay to be a little selfish. It reminds us that we're just people at the end of the day."
Raven didn't move from the comforting arms of her leader. "I could really use reminders like that a bit more often…I'll go talk to him in a while…he deserves that much."
The two didn't move for a minute, simply allowing the conversation to die and the world to slow down, if only for a few seconds. However, Nightwing couldn't help the smirk that eventually adorned his features.
"Would you actually have name dropped me with Beast Boy in the room?"
Raven pulled back from Nightwing, a contemplative look on her face.
"It would have depended on how much of a Dick you were being."
Cyborg had originally planned to talk to Starfire straight after the meeting in Main Ops but despite his best efforts to catch her on the way out, by the team he had gotten to the door she had left through, the Tamaranean of the door had flown off down one of the many hallways of Titans Tower. It was at times like this he really wished he could fly as he trudged his way down the halls and up flights of stairs, knowing where Starfire had most likely gone. He emerged onto the roof of Titan's Tower and felt a shiver go down his spine as his face met the cool Winter air. He knew his cybernetics would react to the cold and start warming up, so he wasn't too worried as he walked out onto the roof, where he could see Starfire sitting atop an air event, gazing upwards into the sky.
"Catching the end of the sun's rays for the day?"
Starfire made a small noise and jumped in her seat before turning around, a sheepish look on her face, one that normally would've made Cyborg laugh if it hadn't been so obvious that Starfire had been crying.
"Apologies Cyborg, I did not hear you approaching…and while I do enjoy catching the Winter sun's rays, it isn't why I came out here tonight."
Cyborg approached slowly, noting on the way that there wasn't enough room for him to squeeze his massive frame on to the vent with Starfire. As such, when he arrived, he leaned against the free section and slid down the cold metal, to rest on the floor, so that Starfire's legs were dangling to his right. He glanced up at the sky where Starfire had turned back to look at.
"So what did ya' come out here for?"
Starfire sighed, "On clear earthly Winter nights…I can see Tamaran. It is only a speck on your sky but…it is there nonetheless."
Starfire raised a finger and Cyborg tried to follow it's direction, using his cybernetic eye to zoom in on every little dot he could see starting to emerge in the slowly darkening sky as twilight set in. He eventually locked onto a flickering point, in between three constant stars, it's colour alternating between brilliant oranges and purples.
"Well I'll be damned…"
The two sat in a comfortable silence, both happy to stargaze, as the sky, which had originally been a warm orange when Cyborg had emerged, slowly surrendered to the velvety embrace of darkness, a celestial canvas merging over their heads, like the stars were being dotted onto the night sky by some unseen artist. Each star, a tiny beacon, casting their soft glow upon the earth below. Cyborg tilted his head to the right when he heard Starfire clear her throat.
"Cyborg?"
"Yea Star?"
"…how come when there is precipitation, it comes down in such vast quantities?"
Cyborg furrowed his brow, as he tried to decipher the meaning of Starfire's words.
"You mean…how come when it rains, it pours?"
"Yes…that."
Cyborg chuckled before he smile faded as he thought about Starfire's question. It was certainly one that applied to the Titans over the last few months. When they had first started out in Jump, between fighting crime and saving the world they had always managed to find time to be…well…themselves. Even before Trigon, in the months after Raven had been sent the message by Slade, they had managed to find time. But ever since that little silver ball rolled into Main Ops to let Beast Boy know that the Doom Patrol needed him…those little moments had been allowed to slip away.
"I don't know Star…but you know, when I was kid, my mom used to say that no matter how long it rained for, it was only a matter of time before the sun shined again."
Starfire glanced down from the sky at her cybernetic companion who was still looking out onto the horizon. She gave a soft smile. "I like that idea…that something good is on the horizon…but still…there are no signs of the rain letting up anytime soon."
Cyborg finally tore his gaze away from the stars. "You know we're not gonna let Raven sacrifice herself, right?"
Starfire pulled her legs up to tuck them underneath her chin. "I do not want her to do this…I don't even like the fact that she sees it as a possibility, but Raven is…most stubborn. I fear that if we don't find alternative, she may act whether we agree or not…I'm not ready to lose a titan again Cyborg…we only just got everyone back."
Cyborg sagged against the vent. He couldn't argue with the fact that Raven was headstrong to say the least. If she couldn't guarantee access to her white form, there was every chance she took the decision out of their hands. He hated it. Everything about it. She had just survived what was supposed to be her prophesized death and here she was, straight back into another responsibility she never wanted or asked for. He'd give anything for the weight of it to be on him. But with that being said, Raven had called him out in Main Ops for it. If the decision was on him, he wouldn't hesitate to sacrifice himself…
He squeezed his eyes shut. Tight. His forehead creasing in determination.
"No…I'm done losing Titans."
Starfire turned her head towards Cyborg when she heard the shift in his tone. The metal titan pushed his arms beneath himself and hauled himself to his feet to stand beside Starfire such that she had to look upwards to meet his eyes.
"We've defied the odds every damn time and you know what, when Trigon came knocking last time, and Raven acted whether we agreed or not and took us all out so she could go with Slade, we defied the odds again. I don't care if she thinks they're the only two paths forward. Up until this morning, we didn't have anything. There's always a way and we're gonna find it. Whether it's helping her with her white form or something completely different, I don't care. I ain't losing any of you lot again…not now, not ever."
Starfire's eyes widened at Cyborg's sentiment, but didn't move to stand by her teammate, instead choosing to stare at the ground in front of her.
"Cyborg…where does your strength come from?"
Cyborg looked at the Tamaranean in confusion. "Whatcha mean Star?"
Starfire looked up into Cyborg's eyes for a second before looking out towards the horizon again. Her eyes eventually locked onto the shimmering dot in the sky that was her home planet, flickering in the distance, like it was calling out to her.
"On Tamaran, war and battles are a way of life. I was raised on these ideas when I was a child. But Tamaran is not my home anymore. I have had the privilege of living a life on Earth, but motivations here are so much more complex. Before my sister betrayed me and I ended up on…the citadel and with the psions…I had never really experienced combat…out of malice. Everyone was fighting to survive, for wealth, for status, for power…not out of spite. Yet, here on Earth, Adonis goes beyond what a fight should entail every time, the brotherhood attempted to kill heroes who had never even heard of them and Deathstroke…well…where does your strength come from? What makes you persevere?"
Cyborg blinked at her as some of the wind seemed to flow out of his sails. "You know Star…I guess I don't really know. I've talked about something similar with Bee before and part of thinks it's down to the villains we face…specifically Brother Blood. He helped me see past the machine to the man I had become, whether he intended to or not. Another part of me always wants to prove that I can go beyond what I'm capable of. You can't beat the man who simply won't give up…but you know what? I think I know it now…I wouldn't have had the strength to do anything I've done without a reason to fight…people to fight for. When we all met, I was a loner and had no intention of being anything more. You guys made me who I am today. So my strength…comes from within…but my motivation comes from the people behind me. I fight because I've found something worth fighting for…does that answer your question?"
Starfire listened silently, her eyes closed, allowing Cyborg's words to seep into her mind. She mulled over his sentiments, his ideologies, and suddenly found herself finding meaning in a phrase she had been told once before. She opened her eyes and looked up at the largest titan. "Yes Cyborg, I believe it does…you know a friend once told me a funny phrase. He said "love until you're in the coffin." At first I did not understand it, even after he explained it to me. Now…I think I appreciate what he meant. I am not afraid to die…I truly believe that none of us are…but while I live, I not only fight with you…I fight for you, all of you…the people I care about…that's what I fight for…and I will not have stand for that right being taken away from Raven."
Cyborg grinned extending a hand. "Well then…let's fight."
Starfire took his hand and jumped to her feet, where neither Titan let go. "I would have it no other way."
Raven had truly expected Beast Boy to be down on the rocks and couldn't help but be surprised when the changeling's outline wasn't visible on the island shore from Main Ops. Her next thought was his room, but once again, she was left confused when all that greeted her when his door slid open was an unmade bed and some clothes on the floor. One problem with Beast Boy in the past had been that when he didn't want to be found, it was almost impossible to find the changeling. It was pretty easy for the youngest titan to remain out of sight when he could simply fly into an air vent at a moment's notice.
Still, Raven roamed the halls, hoping that Beast Boy hadn't decided to use his powers to avoid her. Her efforts were rewarded when the sound of clinking chains and dull thuds emanated from the gym, attracting her attention. The door was slightly ajar and Raven was able to peer inside without making so much as a sound or entering the room, keenly aware of Beast Boy's heightened senses from this morning. Beast Boy had his knuckles taped up and Raven could only feel the sympathy for the punching bag that Beast Boy was beating like it owed him money. He had traded his uniform for a tight-fitting tank top and basketball shorts. Raven could only watch in slight awe as he continued to wail on the bag before he delivered one massive straight on shot that sent the bag flying off its hinges. Raven watched as Beast Boy placed both his hands on his hips with a sigh before moving out of her view for a few seconds. When he returned, he was carrying a fresh punching bag, which he strung up as a replacement and after a few seconds of bouncing on the balls of his feet, he fell back into a rhythm of punching the bag.
Raven shook her head and tried to clear her mind before she went in, desperate to dispel unnecessary dialogue from any particular rambunctious emoticlones. She slipped inside the door, electing to float instead of walk, her hood up. Beast Boy had her back to her, so when he spoke, not even taking a second to stop boxing, he caught her off guard.
"You're making a habit of watching me first before or when you enter rooms."
Raven's eyebrows shot upwards beneath her hood, but she elected to play it cool, not wanting to give Beast Boy the satisfaction of surprising her. "I must smell incredibly strong to you if you could detect me from the hallway."
Beast Boy gave a sharp laugh, responding between breaths he took as he laid waste to the bag in front of him. "Not strong…just recognisable…vanilla…jasmine…and also…just the faintest…trace of smoke."
He finally stopped punching the bag and turned around, where Raven had become increasingly thankful for the fact that she had her hood up to hide the blush that was definitely on her cheeks after his statement which he had made way too calmly for her liking. He looked at her for second before beginning to unwind the tape around his knuckles. "You caught me off-guard this morning. I don't fall for the same ploy twice anymore."
He began to walk away to a bench with a water bottle on it. As he walked he called over his shoulder. "And you know…you and me…we're all about honesty now, right? Being open with each other?"
Raven sighed and followed after him. "Beast Boy…can you let me explain for a minute? Please?
Beast Boy turned around, water bottle in hand and took a seat on the bench, before leaning back against the wall. He looked at her expectantly. Raven thought about going to to sit beside him before she stopped herself. Beast Boy took a massive gulp of his water, before pulling it away from his mouth breathlessly.
"Explaining now seems a bit late, no? We talked in the Med Bay all morning and you didn't think that that wa-"
"Azar, would you just listen to me for two minutes!"
Beast Boy's eyes widened at Raven's rare loss of composure before they softened ever so slightly. "Sorry…me being an ass isn't helping anyone."
"No, it's not."
With that, Raven finally decided to move over to the bench Beast Boy was occupying and take a seat by his side. The two fell into a not so comfortable silence while Raven tried to formulate her thoughts. Without looking to her right where Beast Boy sat, she took a breath before letting out a deep sigh.
"While you were unconscious and I was by your bedside, I didn't want to waste time, so I took to research. In all honesty, I didn't expect to find anything…but when I found out about the connection between me and what Deathstroke wants…Beast Boy, you know I would never have kept that a secret."
Beast Boy head fell back against the wall. "I know Raven, and you said it to Cyborg yourself. If it was anyone else in your position, we would have done the exact same thing. But you could have at least told me beforehand…we talked for hours in the Med Bay before the meeting and well…I kind of laid myself out in front of you, but you had this massive discovery that could affect the fate of the world and whether you live or die…I just wish you told me in that moment instead of pretending everything was fine. You can see so easily inside my head…and I just feel like I'm still a stranger to what's really going on in yours at times."
Raven's eyes softened beneath the comfort and security offered by her hood. "I don't mean for it to be like that…"
Raven turned towards Beast Boy, which he acknowledged by leaning forward from the wall. "I thought about telling you this morning when you woke up…bu-"
"Raven? Can you take down your hood?"
Raven paused as Beast Boy wiped some sweat of his brow with a nearby towel. "When we're talking like this, I like…well…actually being able to see you. Feels like there's just another wall up otherwise."
Raven only hesitated for a second before reaching up slowly and pulling her hood down, her purple hair spilling down her sides. She glimpsed towards Beast Boy to find him giving her a small smile for the first time since she'd entered the gym.
"Much better."
Raven merely nodded, suddenly feeling quite exposed, but she knew she owed this to him. "I was going to tell you this morning...I was going to tell the whole team this morning before I brought up the all the honorary titans…"
Raven struggled to find the words to explain and for the first time, Beast Boy realised this was far more than just choosing to keep it to herself. In a second, he closed the little distance between the two of them and was about to wrap an arm around when he paused. Raven looked up at him confused. He looked at her sheepishly.
"…sorry, it's just that I'm still sweaty and I don't want to-"
"I don't care."
Beast Boy's eyes widened a for only a moment before he wrapped an arm around the empath, who ever so slightly leaned in. Not enough that Beast Boy felt he had to support her, but enough to know that she was glad he was there. Raven eyes focused on the punching bag Beast Boy had been working on as it still swung ever so gently on its chain, like a pendulum.
"It just seems like we never get to stop, and for a moment this morning, when I walked in on you simply playing music to Melvin…well…I wanted everything to stop. I wanted, for once, to just be able to enjoy a moment…like when I tried cooking for the titans on the day I became the portal. This morning, we started serious and then moved into just…talking. It was nice. Maybe it was selfish, but just for once, I didn't want to end something early because of some world-ending threat or evil entity coming to kill us…I just wanted take the moment."
Raven felt Beast Boy's grip around her tighten as she trailed off and she reached up with one hand to grasp at his hand which was resting gently on her shoulder. She felt Beast Boy let out a breath that it seemed he had been holding for a while, as his body seemed to deflate beneath her. "It wasn't selfish Rae…hell, I'm not even mad…I'm just…
"Frustrated?"
"…yea…that'll do it…I'm sorry…for how I acted earlier. I just…I want those moments too…maybe a bit more frequently, instead of having to try and them between different instances of one of us dying"
"Yea…that sounds nice."
A few seconds past before Raven remembered how their conversation had started and a small smirk spread across her features. "So…I smell like vanilla, jasmine and…smoke?"
She felt Beast Boy tense beneath her and she couldn't help but give the smallest laugh. Beast Boy glanced down at the top of her head, which had just come to lean against his shoulder.
"You're messing with me."
"I'm messing with you."
Beast Boy chuckled, readjusting a little bit so that Raven could lean in a little more. "When I said smoke, I mean like…from the candles you have in your room, not like…you know…the half demon side of you…just so you know."
Raven looked up at him, her smirk still on her face. "I hadn't thought about the origin of the scents you can detect…but thank you for explaining."
Beast Boy blushed and looked away, but Raven could still sense some unease coming from the changeling. "Gar…there's still something bothering you."
Beast Boy shifted uncomfortably underneath her touch and Raven pulled herself away from his embrace to look at him. Beast Boy, for his part, seemed far more interested in his hands on his lap before he turned to face the empath.
"Look, I know Nevermore is your space and to be honest, I'm kind of surprised Nightwing asked me to go before he even asked you if it was okay. I said yes because I know you and I know how stubborn you can be. When you felt you had no choice to become the portal, let's be real…you took all of us out pretty quickly. I know you need someone to…help you…this time, but I'm sure you could find a way. I said yes because I'm terrified that if we don't find 4another way to stop Deathstroke, I'm not gonna be able to stop you. I'm sick of losing you…and I'm gonna do everything in my power to make sure I don't…not again."
Beast Boy couldn't help but notice the gentle smile that had graced Raven's features as he finished his declaration. Even though they had their moments, like on Christmas Day on the roof and in the Med Bay, Beast Boy still couldn't help but savour every single time he got Raven to smile. It was like getting an electric shock down his spine into every extremity of his body. It made him feel alive. That's why he was so disappointed when her smile slowly disappeared and Raven looked away.
"Gar…the reason I didn't want you going to Nevermore isn't because of you. In all honesty…I think a trip to Nevermore would help you understand some of the things I want to say but…don't know how. But we won't be going for that purpose. We'll be going to talk to Rage. While she is more…civil now that I'm not under Trigon's influence, she is still…malicious. If we see her, she'll say things to you that I don't think or mean…and I don't want to put you through that."
Beast Boy acted on instinct, his mind not even having the chance to register his actions. His hand was underneath Raven's chin in an instant and he slowly raised her head up where his green eyes bore straight into her surprised amethyst ones.
"Rae…not only could you never hurt me like that…but Rage is a part of you…and I don't just like some of you…I like all of you and there isn't a thing I would change about you. From the time we first met, where you said I was funny, to the years of us poking and prodding at the other to now…not a thing."
Raven prided herself on being hard to read. Whether it was for keeping civilians calm in a time of crisis or hiding her true thoughts from Starfire during one of their patented "girl talks", she had always been a master of composure, able to produce a mask of exceptional quality to obscure any interpretation any person could muster of her true thoughts. However, she was also human and she had never heard anyone say something like that to her before. She couldn't help it. Her mask slipped, a smile pushing it to the side, falling off her face like it had never been there at all. Her eyes, so used to conveying nothing, blurred for once by a wetness that she couldn't explain. She reached out to Beast Boy, who opened his arms in anticipation, where she crashed into him, where he wrapped himself around her, as if to protect her from anything that might come her way. She shuddered in his arms but he only brought her closer, burying his face into her hair. He smiled…vanilla and jasmine…a hint of smoke.
"Thank you Gar."
"Anytime Rae."
"If we're going into Nevermore together, I want to give you one more once over…Rage can be unpredictable and I'm not bringing you in carrying an injury."
"That's okay Rae, but for now…any chance we could just have one of those moments you were talking about?"
"Yea…I think I'd like that."
Night had fallen over Titans Tower by the time Beast Boy began the long walk back to Nightwing's office. Raven and him had stayed in the gym for a while, simply enjoying the moment, talking about anything and everything. However, at some point, there conversation veered from natural to stalling. They both knew that a trip to Nevermore couldn't wait, no matter how much the pair of them would rather forget the world, even for just a single day. Raven had been the first to stand, citing that if Beast Boy were to enter her mind, the least he could do was shower first. With a final embrace and quick, albeit tender kiss, the empath was gone, off to prepare for the journey to her mindscape. Part of him was still coming to terms with the fact that he was the one that got to be kissed by Raven…it was pretty awesome.
As Beast Boy approached Nightwing's office door, he could already hear voices inside. With a quick press of a few buttons, the door slid open, to reveal Nightwing sitting at his desk, a tired expression on his face as he flicked through papers, with what appeared to be an irate Starfire and angry Cyborg in front of him, with their backs to the changeling. Cyborg slammed his hand down on Nightwing's desk.
"We don't have time to be sitting here! Not finding a solution that doesn't involve Raven killing herself isn't an option Nightwing!"
Starfire nodded vehemently, still not aware of the additional presence in the room. "Friend Cyborg is right! I do not understand why we are simply waiting around when we could be trying to find a different way forward! What is it you are waiting for?"
Nightwing sighed and sat back in his chair. "Listen, can you guys please just trust me? I do have a plan, I'm just waiting for…Beast Boy."
Nightwing trailed off as he finally noticed the presence of the changeling, prompting Cyborg and Starfire to follow his line of sight. Cyborg's eyes widened in surprise. "Man, where you been? You disappeared after the meeting? Star and I went looking for you?"
Beast Boy gave a half-smile as he walked over. "Sorry…I was in the gym, working things out."
He gave Nightwing a knowing look, causing the leader of the Titans brow to rise in recognition. Starfire looked at Beast Boy in confusion, unaware of the message that had just passed between the two. "Friend Beast Boy, you were exercising? But you are only just recovered from injury?"
"I know Star, but I needed to be sure I was ready for action. Nightwing, have you told them the plan?"
Nightwing shook his head. "Not yet. I didn't want to say anything until I knew both you and Raven had agreed to my suggestion."
Cyborg's head whipped from Nightwing, to the changeling, and back. "Wait, what suggestion? What's going on?"
Beast Boy tried to help his confused friend. "Nightwing had an idea, based off my theory in the meeting. Raven and I are going on a mission."
Cyborg balked at Beast Boy's statement. "I'm sorry, what? You only just got out of the Med Bay? Where the hell are you even going?"
"Nevermore."
Every occupant of the room turned to the entrance of the room to see Raven in the doorway, her hood down, her mirror in her hands. She walked forward purposefully, with a conviction she hadn't had a few hours ago. "Beast Boy's idea holds promise. If Rage is truly connected to the reason I can't assume my white form, it is an avenue worth pursuing. Nightwing suggested Beast Boy come with me, as the last time I obtained my white form pertained to him."
Cyborg looked baffled by the recent developments, while Starfire looked like she was about to explode with joy, as she practically shook in the air where she was floating. Raven noticed her excitement, her eyes widening.
Oh Azar, here we go.
"This is most wonderful news! I believe any path forward other that doesn't involve the use of Raven's demonic aspect is the correct way to go. Tell me Raven, do you have any theories as to why Beast Boy may have an effect on being able to appear in your white form?"
Raven wanted to squirm as every head in the room turned towards her. She had absolutely zero interest in divulging how close she had become with Beast Boy in the last few days. They had had so little time to discuss it themselves, she wasn't even sure if she could class what they even were to each other right now. However, a cough from in front of Nightwing's desk thankfully drew the attention away from the empath.
"Raven and I talked about it Star. Neither of us could come up with something definitive, but we had a few ideas, mainly to do the added stress of the situation at the time. If she thought I was gonna die, she may have been able to react in a way that she couldn't normally."
Starfire almost seemed disappointed by Beast Boy's answer and Raven could only silently marvel at how quickly Beast Boy had come up with a story to take her out of the spotlight. She walked further into the room, past the others and placed her mirror on Nightwings desk, locking eyes with her leader as she did so.
"Normally, I would do this in my room but, with the nature of what we're about to do, if Beast Boy and I don't emerge within the next eight hours, feel free to send someone in after us. Cyborg knows that Nevermore can be…difficult to navigate.
The metallic titan snorted. "Now that's an understatement."
Nightwing ignored him and gave Raven a nod of confirmation. "When do you guys want to set off then."
"As soon as possible. I've checked Beast Boy over, and he should be fine on the off chance we come across something that requires him to shift and with the cult's presence in the city, Deathstroke is only growing stronger…we don't have the time to delay it any further."
Nightwing stood from his chair. "Well, alright then. Raven. Beast Boy. Watch each other's backs. Anything you can learn to help Raven is another step towards taking Deathstroke down for good. I wish you both the best of luck and we'll be waiting for you guys on this side."
Cyborg, who had finally snapped out of his confusion at the sudden developments, gave Beast Boy a hard pat on the back. "And don't be messin' around inside Raven's head…we caused enough problems the last time."
Beast Boy shot him a half-grin. "Something tells me with Raven with me, I'll be kept relatively in line."
Raven looked at Cyborg in confirmation of Beast Boy's sentiments. "He will have to ask if he wants to touch anything."
Starfire flitted over and gave each of them a hug. "Best of luck friends. I hope you both find what you are looking for."
Beast Boy rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. Why was it that every time Starfire said something about Raven and him, it seemed like she knew far more than she was letting on. He shook his head and turned to Raven. "So…ready?"
Raven let out of a deep breath. "As ready as I'll ever be. Take my hand Gar."
Beast Boy slipped his hand into Raven's grasp before Raven grabbed her mirror and held up to her face. Closing her eyes, a serene look crossed her face, before she opened them again gently.
"Azarath Metrion Zinthos."
At once, a black, clawed hand, teeming with magic, erupted from the mirrors surface, taking a firm grip of both Raven and Beast Boy, before retreating back from whence it came, pulling the empath and the changeling deep within the confines of Raven's mind. The mirror began to fall to the floor before Cyborg plucked it out of mid-air and placed it back on Nightwing's desk. The three titans left in the room all couldn't help but stare at the ornate mirror that Raven and Beast Boy had just been dragged inside of. Nightwing settled back into his chair.
"And now we wait…"
The Herald enjoyed sitting out on the roof at night. There was something truly relaxing about playing music outdoors under the stars, the only sound outside of the whistling winds being his trumpet playing, carrying on the breeze. So it was he found himself on the roof of Titans Tower by himself, playing some songs by Louis Armstrong, sending his tunes out into the night sky. He hadn't been expecting company and was happy to have the moment to himself. However, as he looked out over the bay, his eyes picked up three outlines flying through the night sky. Squinting, he could just about make out their figures and his forehead crinkled in confusion. Starfire was flying towards the tower, beside what he could only assume was Beast Boy in the form of a pterodactyl, who was carrying Cyborg in his claws. He could have sworn that the three of them were in the tower and he hadn't heard word that anyone had gone into the city.
The Herald stood as they approached the tower, with the three of them coming to land right on the tower's edge, seemingly unaware of the Herald's presence. Once they landed, they turned to face each other and the Herald watched in interest and slight suspicion as they seemed to almost huddle up. Not being able to ignore his curiosity any longer, the Herald jumped off the air vent he was sat on and cautiously walked towards the group.
"Ehm…guys? What are you doing up here?"
He saw the three of them freeze in place, before they slowly straightened up. Cyborg, who had his back to the Herald, slowly turned around and the Herald gasped, as not one red eye, but two stared back at him. In a flash, he felt himself flying backwards as Starfire barrelled into him, sending him careening into one of the many vents on the roof. He didn't even have a moment to react before he felt himself enveloped in a pair of string arms. He looked forward through blurry eyes to see Beast Boy approaching him…but it wasn't quite him. He had the same red eyes as Cyborg, but most importantly, the green skin was gone, replaced with black and grey. Beast Boy walked towards him a devious smile on his face. The Herald looked down at himself to see Cyborg arms, also black and grey, pinning his arms to his side and holding him off the floor.
The Herald felt his chin being lifted up and found himself staring into the Beast Boy doppelganger's glowing red eyes. "Sorry Mal…can't have you raising an alarm just yet. The fun has only just begun."
The Herald didn't get a chance to respond before Beast Boy drove a fist into the Herald's temple. He was out before he hit the ground, the fake Cyborg allowing him to fall in a heap before looking at his grey and black companions. "Shall we head inside? I'm sure the Titans have missed us."
The three strode up to the roof entrance, where with the quick input of a security code, the door promptly slid open. Beast Boy turned to his companions. "Remember what Deathstroke wants. We get the gem and we leave. If for any reason we can't get her, we get what we deem the next best thing, something, or some she cares about. Are we clear?"
Nega Cyborg and Starfire nodded evilly, prompting the evil doppelganger of Beast Boy to return their grins with one of us his own as he turned back to the stairwell which led into the tower.
"Alright then…let's raise some hell."