Chapter 44:

Hi, guys! I got a replacement for my computer and am posting the new chapter! Thank you all for being so patient with me, and I hope you enjoy it.

The tears and sobs slowly died as the pressure left from my chest. My breathing grew stable and my body stopped shaking. I took in a deep breath to gather myself and to indulge in the sudden relief.

After so long of holding in my pain—pushing it down, actually—I had finally burst. I had tried to act strong and be the bigger person and just let it all go. I had tried hard, but, in the end, I wasn't meant to.

I should have let it all out years ago when the weight first settled on me. I had no idea the burden was a burden. I thought I had gotten over it, or was doing the best thing by "accepting" it had happened to me two years ago and continuing to live the best I could.

But that hadn't been what had happened. I had kept my mouth on the matter shut and put up a barricade to keep it from slipping out. I brushed off every inquiry about it—every single one—with a half-truth that didn't really answer the question, but deflected it.

Had I accepted it? Yes, there was no way to not accept that it had all happened to me. Denying it would have been like telling a wolf they were a vampire, or a vampire a wolf. I did accept it happened, but that hadn't meant I healed from it like I thought it did.

I had just pushed it into a corner with an attitude of, "I may not live long, so there is no real point to dwell on it". I didn't deal with it and pretended it wasn't there. I tried to keep it locked away, and I tried to keep myself occupied with anything else in life so I wouldn't be tempted to turn to the corner it was stuffed in and look.

I had done that for two years. Two years, and the only good it did was keep a pressing weight on my shoulders I didn't even know existed. Today I was relieved of that weight—liberated. Today I had done what I should have done years ago and dug the weed out by its roots.

I took in a deep breath; my heart and breathing calmed dramatically. I slowly let it out and Tanya's cold fingers gently brushed at what remained of the tears on my warm cheeks. She looked at me so tenderly and lovingly it nearly brought me to tears again. "Are you alright, darling?"

I nodded and took in a deep breath. "As well as a person can be after that," I murmured. I pressed myself further against her and reveled in the contact she gave me. Her arm around my shoulders tightened.

I looked up to find Carlisle and Esme still standing in the spots they had been earlier. Their eyes were clouded over with a terrible mixture of shock and guilt. Esme appeared ready to burst into tears and Carlisle looked as if he had just been told all of his medical knowledge was out of date.

Edward was nowhere to be seen, and at the moment I didn't give a shit where he was.

Jacob took my hand into his large warm ones. "You know, Bella," he said, "I knew you thought highly of the Denalis…but did you have to put them up there with us? They really can't match up to our awesomeness." The vampires didn't take any offense with his comment. Instead, they gave small smiles and snorts.

I shook my head. "You're awesomeness is based off your ability to turn into a very large dog, Jake."

"Like I said: awesome."

I snorted and Tanya began to stand with her arm still around my shoulders. Jacob used the hand he had in his to support me and together the two brought me up to my feet. When I was standing, I realized just how tired I was after screaming and crying. I was exhausted, and I was more than happy to lean against Tanya for support.

Alice was immediately at my side—well, sort of because she stood behind me—and placed a supporting hand on my back. "Okay, Bella," she said quietly, "let's sit you down."

"Gladly," I grumbled.

The group took a step back to clear a path and allow us through to the sectional. Tanya seated herself in the crook of the sectional's arm and pulled me down next to her. I nestled myself into her comforting hold and let my body relax fully against her.

The three families began to seat themselves around the room. Several took the chance to just sit on the floor in front of me (a.k.a. the wolves), but others sat in the other available seats around the room. Irina sat next to me on the couch, but kept her distance from me until I physically reached out and motioned her to lean against me. It felt good to be sandwiched between two members of my family—I felt protected and safe between them, and it was a feeling I needed at the moment.

Numbly, Esme and Carlisle sat with their eyes fixed on me. They stared at me like they were seeing me for the first time—the real me. I didn't blame them after that explosion. I had barely spoken or interacted to either of them since they arrived. Unless you counted the incident with Esme, I mostly kept to the Denalis or the younger Cullens—the people in the house I could stand.

I'd just lost it in front of the entire house, and, oddly, I didn't regret letting go and screaming my heart out one bit. What I did regret, was not screaming a few more things at Edward.

I took in a breath and let it out slowly. I could practically feel the gazes on me drilling holes in my body. I shifted, trying to shake them off, but it brought no relief, only more annoyance and discomfort.

I sighed. "Are you going to stare at me or say something?"

The stares lessened in intensity, but they didn't cease fully with only a few glancing away from me embarrassed. Esme, however, spoke up from her spot next to Carlisle. "I'm so sorry, Bella."

"For what? Leaving or staring?" It was harsh, but I was still plenty angry.

She ducked her head and Irina gently touched my leg. "Bella," she murmured lowly in warning.

I ignored her and raised my brow at Esme. Meekly, she answered, "For both, I suppose." She shifted. "We never knew any of that happened to you. We thought we were doing best by leaving."

I snorted. "Of course you didn't," I snipped. "You just dropped the mic and walked off the stage. Did you really think that dramatic ass move was going to go well with me?"

She ducked her head and shrank into Carlisle's side. He wrapped a protective arm around her shoulders and he stared at me with shock. "Bella," Carlisle said from her side, "we truly are sorry about leaving. You have to believe us when we say that." The Cullens nodded. "We didn't know it would impact you so badly. We understand what you went through, but—"

My eyes narrowed. "Understand?" I snapped. "You understand what I went through?"

I pushed against Irina to sit up. The vampire set her hand on my thigh as if to calm me. Tanya moved with us and held me tighter to keep me seated. Did she really think I was going to throw myself at the equivalent of a brick wall as hard as I could?...Actually, I would do that.

The wolves swallowed and kept their eyes fixed on me me so they wouldn't look at Carlisle. It seemed they felt just as much anger in that moment as I did.

Carlisle cleared this throat. "To an extent," he clarified. "I mean we now know what you went through and how difficult of a moment you had. But—"

"Difficult moment?" Jacob growled from the floor. He chuckled humorlessly. "She was ready to kill herself, Carlisle, and you're calling it a difficult moment?" He glared at the man over his shoulder. "A difficult moment is being stuck in traffic when you're late to work, or when you are struggling for a test you didn't study for. What she went through—what we saw—was not a difficult moment at all."

The man straightened. "A poor choice of words," he stated calmly. He eyed Jacob for any signs of physical aggression. "I know the time after we left was harsh, extremely harsh, and I do not wish to downsize it. I am trying to say that the time was hard for us as well."

I sneered. "Oh," I drawled, "so your body was trying to destroy itself too, Carlisle?"

His eyes widened. "That's not what I meant, Bella," he sputtered. "I—"

"Let's not get into this," Tanya interrupted. Her grip on me tightened just a fraction. "There has been enough stress today for everyone, and I think we should save this discussion for another time."

Carlisle swallowed and his jaw ticked, but he gave a stiff nod to show he agreed. The wolves took in deep breaths and Irina held onto me just a little tighter with Tanya. Slowly, I took in my own breath and let it out with a sigh. "Fine," I agreed.

I relaxed into their holds again and I could feel the room faintly relax with me. It seemed I was the source of the tension for this specific round. Tanya leant into the couch while pulling me to rest against her, keeping me comfortable while Irina adjusted to spoon me the best she could without putting me in an awkward position.

The room fell into a tense silence that was only filled with the sound of shifting bodies and clothes on fabric. No one spoke as everyone adjusted and readjusted their positions to not look as awkward as they felt, but still failed.

After a few minutes of the silence, Jacob moved closer to the couch and said, "So…You guys really walked in on Sue and Charlie, huh?"

"Jacob!"

Leah and Seth gripped their heads and I flinched with a groan. I turned my face and buried it into Tanya's shoulder. "I finally managed to forget about that horror, Jake…" I whined.

"Not cool, dude," Seth groaned.

Jacob shrugged. "What?" he asked. "If you think about it, it is really hilarious." He smirked. "It was like movie. All five of you shouting something before they fell out of bed and—"

Not wanting to relive the scene again, I quickly took off my shoe and chucked it at him. While Jacob usually would've been able to catch it with no issue, he wasn't paying attention and it allowed my shot to land dead center in his face.

His hands flew up in a delayed attempt to stop the shoe. "OW!" My shoe fell into his lap and his eyes teared up just a little bit from the hit to his nose. "What was that for?"

Leah grinned and gave me a low-five. "Bringing it up," I said.

He rubbed his nose and Paul frowned. "I really don't see why you guys don't find it funny. I mean, sure it was awkward after Sue touched Bella with her sex-hands, but—OW!"

My other shoe landed on the ground next to him. "Paul…" I growled.

He rubbed his cheek with a frown. "That was uncalled for!" he called. "All I did was talk about Sue's sex-OW!" He rubbed the back of his head where Leah landed a hard cuff with her shoe.

"Shush!"

"I was just—OW!"

"Shush!"

He rounded on her and yanked the shoe out of her hand. "Stop that!"

"Stop talking about it!"

He held up his hands in surrender and dropped her shoe. "Alright, fine, fine," he said. He rubbed the back of his head and face. "Why'd you have to hit so hard…?"

I smirked and motioned to Emily. The woman grabbed each of my fallen shoes and tossed them to me flawlessly. I was going to catch them, only to have Irina beat me to it. She snatched both shoes from the air and shrugged when I raised my brow at her. "I didn't really feel like risking another one of your random spells of clumsiness."

She handed me the shoes and I began to slide them on—albeit awkwardly from the position—without any complaint. The room had lost much of the tension it had gained during the growing argument, and I was oddly grateful Jacob had brought up the topic to clear everyone's mind about what had happened. I would've appreciated a different topic, though.

Sam fit Emily under his arm and said, "I actually have a question."

"'Bout what?"

"When you guys walked in," he started, "they weren't…connected or anything were—"

I raised my shoe that had yet to be put on my foot and chucked it at him. He flinched when the rubber hit him square in the jaw and then dropped into Emily's lap. Slowly, he turned his head to look at me while rubbing his jaw. "Ouch."

I raised my foot with the shoe on it. "Next person to mention that traumatic experience gets my last shoe in their face," I warned, glaring harshly at the Alpha.

He rubbed his jaw. "Message received…." he grumbled. He pressed the flesh and flinched. "Damn, Bella, how do you have such a killer throw for a human?"

"Paul."

The man frowned with a huff and lowered his hand from his head. "When did I ever…Oh," he drawled. "I forgot about that."

I smirked. "Uh-huh."

Leah grabbed my shoe and tossed it at me again. This time, I didn't blink when Irina caught it for me one more time and then handed it to me. I pulled the shoe on with a slight struggle and popped up a few seconds before Alice gave a huff of irritation.

I frowned with the rest of the room and glanced at the small vampire. Jasper shifted behind her and gently touched her arm. "Why are you so agitated, darlin'?" he asked.

She huffed and crossed her arms in irritation. "I can't see anything," she hissed angrily.

A few brows—along with my own—rose in surprise. "You can't see anything?" Eleazer asked surprised.

She nodded. "Nothing," she said. "It's all completely black to me."

"What were you trying to see?" Carlisle inquired.

"Edward," she grumbled. Her brows furrowed. "I wanted to make sure he wasn't going to do anything stupid, or something he'd regret while he was taking another hunting trip, but when I looked I couldn't see anything."

"Has he just not made a decision?" Esme asked curiously. "You know how indecision can keep you from seeing visions."

Alice shook her head. "No," she said. "I would at least get flashes, then. This is different." She closed her eyes and her brow furrowed for several seconds before she opened them with a hiss and held her head, rubbing her temples like she had a headache. "I can't see anything. I haven't been able to all day."

The room frowned and I cocked my head and went back to the poker game. I thought back on how Alice seemed to be guessing through the entire game with more and more agitation after each of her moves. Had she been trying to see the future during the game and couldn't? If so, why couldn't she see on such a simple thing?

I furrowed my brow and thought back to the diner today when I had my nosebleed and then the time I vomited with the Denalis and Cullens all present. When I had started to puke, Alice had seen my approaching episode before I even knew it was going to happen. At least, a few seconds before, anyway.

But at the diner…she only reacted until right after it happened. Why didn't she see the incident at the diner like she did at the Denali house before? Both could happen at random, but she still saw the first incident coming. The only real difference between them was the—

My brows shot up and I snapped my head to Alice. "Alice," I said, getting her attention. She looked up at the sound of her name and cocked a brow. "You said you couldn't see me when I was sick in Forks, right? When you and your family first came here?"

She nodded slowly and her head lowered with a small glimmer of shame. "Yeah," she sighed. "I didn't see anything about you happening during that time…" She grumbled something under her breath I didn't catch, but I guessed she was blaming herself from Jasper's comforting hands.

"And the diner?" I pushed on. "You didn't see my nosebleed was going to happen, right?"

She frowned and shook her head, a small glint of regret in her eyes at the thought of the diner. "Well…no. I didn't."

"But you saw my first vomit episode with you around?"

She nodded in confusion. "Yes," she said. "I saw it just before you started clapping for everyone's attention."

Tanya tightened her hold on me for my attention. "What are you getting at, love?" she asked.

"A theory," I responded. I turned to Alice who looked completely and utterly lost. "Try to look in Edward's future again, Alice."

She frowned. "I've tried three times, Bella," she sighed. She rubbed her temples. "Last time I got a headache I tried so hard."

"Just one more time," I urged.

The woman looked at me hard for a long time unsure. Jasper, however, set his hand on her arm comfortingly and gave her a small nod of encouragement. Alice then sighed and nodded. "Fine…" she grumbled. She closed her eyes and sat silently for several seconds.

Then, she let out a low growl of frustration and opened her eyes. "I can't." She rubbed her temples again. "I think I'm broken."

I shook my head. "I don't think you're broken, just…" I furrowed my brows as I tried to search for the right word. "…blocked."

"Blocked?" Eleazer asked curiously from Carmen's side. He cocked his head. "What do you mean by 'blocked', Bella?"

"Are you talking about some kind of advanced indecision?" Kate wondered. "Like someone's moving so rapidly between options it's impossible for her to even get a glimpse of something?"

I shook my head. "No, I mean her ability is, like, actually blocked from doing anything—like closing her eyes." I glanced at Alice. "I think you can't see anything because of the wolves."

The Pack on the ground raised their brows in surprise while the vampires looked from me to the wolves to me again. "Us?" Jacob asked. "What could we possibly be doing?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. Existing?" I scratched my chin. "It's just…She couldn't see me for two years, right? Granted, for a portion of that time I hardly made decisions that lasted for more than a second, but that was only a few months' worth. The rest of that time, I was with you guys almost constantly, and if I wasn't with you, I was making plans with you.

"When you weren't here and I had my first attack around the Cullens, Alice saw it was going to happen. However, at the diner, she had no idea my nosebleed was even a possibility until it happened. Both of those events are completely random, and the only major difference is that you were there for the nosebleed today."

I glanced at Alice with a smirk. "I'm also decently positive she was playing blind during the poker game earlier, too."

A few of the vampires, including Tanya, narrowed their eyes on her. Alice quickly tried to give an excuse with a nervous chuckle. "I was—"

"Oh, hush, Alice," I cut her off. "I was watching you because I saw how agitated you were getting. Besides, trying to look at the other's moves during the game is really not your worst offense."

The room paused in serious consideration of my theory. Carlisle tilted his head to the side and hummed with Eleazer. "That would explain quite a lot," the blond man admitted.

"We should experiment with this theory," Eleazer agreed with an excited nod. The two looked like two children at Christmas. "Then we'll know for sure if she is really correct."

Carlisle nodded as Jacob raised his brow. "So you're telling me we could potentially block Shortie's sight?"

"Shortie?!" Alice shrieked.

Irina smirked at Alice and nodded to him. "Sounds like it."

He grinned and turned to me. "See? I told you we were awesome."

I frowned. "I didn't say you weren't awesome," I argued. "I just called you adorable."

"You did kind of insult our awesomeness with that, though," Paul added in. "That's like calling an awesome flying pig adorable because it has a pair of wings. It just doesn't make it that awesome anymore, and we are beyond the comprehensive level of awesome."

"So…you're now the normal awesome?"

"Yes," Leah confirmed. "And that is unacceptable."

I frowned. "But…that would mean you're still awesome."

"But not as."

I waved my hand and shook my head. "You guys are ridiculous."

"Ridiculously awesome. At least, we used to be before you lowered us to the basic level of awesome."

"Do come back relatively soon, Bella," Eleazer encouraged as he gave me a tight hug. "I'd like to test your theory with the wolves, and see if Alice really does—"

I covered his mouth with my hand to cut him off and pulled back from the hug. "I know," I said, "you want to see if the wolves really are the reason she has issues. We'll be back soon enough." I pulled my hand away and gave the man a small wink when he smiled sheepishly.

Emmett was the next vampire to scoop me into a hug. He swung me around in a circle—careful of my port—and then set me down with a dopey grin. "Bye, Bella-Bear."

I smiled. "Bye, Emmett," I said.

He grinned and stepped aside to let Rosalie get a hold of me. The blonde woman I was quickly coming to love as a sister smiled at me brightly and pulled me into a hug. "I'll see you later, Bella, okay?" she asked softly in my ear.

I nodded and gave her a squeeze. "Sure thing, Rose."

She pulled back and kissed my temple. I smiled at her, but it lessened when I felt her hand press something into my own. Her eyes barely flickered down to my hand and then back to me with a small nod.

I nodded confused, but stashed whatever she put in my hand in my pocket and hugged Kate who was eager to get her scent on me again after Rosalie. I rolled my eyes at the blonde Denali, but didn't deny her the hug.

After a (not so) quick goodbye kiss from Tanya we were all piling into Pack's car and driving towards my house with me sandwiched between Leah and Paul.

I pulled out the object Rosalie handed to me from my pocket—a slip of paper—and quickly opened it. On top was a strip of numbers and then:

Bella,

My family and I would like to speak with you in private to explain ourselves if you'd allow it. Call me when you have the chance, please.

-Rosalie

I frowned and looked up to the numbers across the top of the paper again and then back at the small and neat note. She had to mean what happened today in the living room with everything I said to both Edward and her family.

What else could she have meant?

I folded the paper up and slipped it back into my pocket before the others could notice. I looked ahead and thought about what she wrote. Would I allow it?

I stared up at the fan in my room, still unable to sleep at nearly three in the morning. Next to me, Leah was sleeping soundly with no issue. Her arm was thrown haphazardly across my stomach and her face was only an inch from my neck with her chin resting on my arm.

On the floor next to my bed on a blow-up mattress was Jacob and Seth. The two boys were contently snoring and deeply asleep just like Leah was up on the bed next to me. If there was one thing the wolves liked more than food, it was sleep. If they weren't eating they were sleeping or vice versa.

I was still thinking about Rosalie's note and what she said about meeting to talk things out. I hadn't been able to get it out of my head since we returned to the house—not even the slightly awkward dinner with the adults could take my mind off of it.

It was the reason why I had yet to fall asleep.

I took in a deep breath and sighed. Having the air cleared between us would help the Cullens and me. I hated to admit it, but having that tension between us—no matter how well I could look over it—was something I didn't like to have. I was able to bond with Rosalie and have fun with Emmett, Alice and Jasper, but in the end, that was still there between us. The history we had with each other was incredibly hard to overlook; especially the last part of it. No matter how many shopping trips, how many laughs, how many videogames we played together, no matter how many meals I was made, it was still there.

I took in another breath and looked to my phone only an arm's reach away. I blinked at the glint on the screen from the light coming in through the windows, and then shook my head with a sigh.

I threw my hand over and grabbed it—not bothering Leah—and pulled my phone over to me. I pressed the power button and flinched from the bright light in my eyes. I lowered the brightness and pulled it towards me.

I went to Rosalie's number I had entered in earlier and typed one message: We can talk on Monday. I'll talk to the wolves and make sure they leave us alone.

I took in a breath and pressed "send". Not even a second later did I receive a reply: Thank you.