It was humilating. It was wonderful. It was pitiful. It was heaven.
He sat on Akane's lap as she fed him table scraps and scratched his chin. Ranma sat next to her, scowling at him. Ryoga stuck his tongue out in a fit of pique.
Being P-chan was the most chaotic of all mixed bags in life.
"Don't you think it's strange," Nabiki wondered aloud. "Akane's pet never seems to get any bigger, even though it's been months and months since she adopted him."
"Yeah." Ranma gave P-chan a smoldering look of disdain. "It's almost like the thing has a cursed form."
Ryoga narrowed his eyes at his rival. You wouldn't dare.
Ranma raised one brow at Ryoga in response. He did dare.
"Ranma! That thing has a name," Akane snapped. "And don't insult P-chan. You'll hurt his feelings!"
Ranma opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again, and closed it again.
"You are the most clueless girl I've ever seen," he finally muttered.
"What's that supposed to mean?!"
"Ah, and here we go again," Nabiki drawled. "Can't last three days without you two sniping at each other, can we?"
"That's not fair, Nabiki," Kasumi said, changing the channel from the news to Animal Planet, featuring two wild boars trying to kill each other. Kasumi, gentle girl that she was, gazed at the sight in mild fascination. Perhaps she was drawing parallels to the constant strange situations in her house. The Tendo dojo wasn't that different from Animal Planet, after all. "Last week, they went four days without fighting. Isn't that nice?"
REALLY NICE, according to the resident panda's sign. WE FATHERS HAVE DECIDED THAT THEY'LL BE MARRIED ONCE THEY LAST FIVE DAYS WITHOUT FIGHTING.
"No, you won't!" Akane and Ranma snarled together. Everyone dutifully went back to their food, and P-chan back to his table scraps.
They were scary when in agreement.
"Anyway, Akane," Kasumi said after a long and painful silence. "You don't have to take Ranma-kun's comment the wrong way."
"What other way is there to take it, nee-chan?"
"Well, maybe your P-chan is a pygmy pig, and that's why he never seems to get any bigger. Perhaps Ranma-kun was hinting at that. Weren't you, Ranma-kun?"
Ranma stared at Kasumi, mouth hanging open like a goldfish, showing off the seaweed stuck in his teeth. She continued smiling blithely.
"Yeah, sure, let's go with that," he mumbled, resigned. "P-brain – "
Akane cleared her throat.
"P-chan is naturally small, weak, and helpless. He'll be that way into adulthood too. Must be in his DNA – owww!"
Ranma's fingers tasted much better than table scraps, and Akane gave him a particularly firm, approving pat on the ears. Yes, being P-chan could be fun sometimes.
A/N: Would P-chan remain the same small black piglet as the years pass, or would he grow into an adult pig? Who knows...definitely not me.