A/N: Big TW for Kodi's POV.
-Kodiak Chay, 18, District 10-
The bed never felt worse to him. There were so many long days back home in District Ten, when he crashed on a pile of hay. Even though this bed was so much nicer than that, he still hated it right now. The past few days of training had been almost nothing like those days for the Games. On top of the physical aspect, the girls were trying to build their mental strength – which involved long days trying to operate over the sounds of screams, trying to keep his cool while watching footage of gunshots and what happened to them in the Games.
And worse… They took everything from him. All the way down to the blade he was hiding under his pillow. As if training him out of cutting was going to help them at all. But he was a fucking wreck without it. His nails weren't enough. He needed the blades, he needed them to calm down and focus, it was how he did things right the first time. It was his way to make sure he was perfect and they robbed him of it, they robbed him of everything. Like he could even find a moment alone to center himself that way. It felt like he was being watched all the time, sharing a room and a bathroom. And nowadays even when he went to the damn bathroom, he had someone following him and sitting by the door. Worse when it was Mari or Camellia, they had the key and would come in if they even thought they heard the medicine chest opening.
It was all a game of keeping up appearances. That was his entire life. If he looked pretty, people would like him. But it was all a rouse, hiding an ugly person underneath all of those layers. He couldn't show any of them who he really was. They would never love him if he did that. And yet, thanks to Alvis, wherever the hell he was, and Ryder, everyone watched him break on live television. He was still trying to figure out how to recover from this.
His hands twitched in the shape of a razor. He didn't care if it hurt them to have to hold him back from trying to get them, he was going to keep trying. If anything, the tears that broke out of Ryder's eyes when they were holding him back, the shake in Mari's voice as she was calling for Camellia, the shock in Mary's eyes as she figured out exactly what he was trying to do, all of it was just all the more indication that he deserved to hurt.
The door opened slowly and Ryder slipped inside almost silently. Kodi watched through glassy eyes as they came in and sat slowly down on their bed. Ryder looked back at him for a few long seconds, giving him the chance to speak first. But Kodi didn't want to talk to them, so he was just silent.
"I was elected to talk to you first," Ryder said finally, rubbing their face with their hands. "I'm not going to lie, Mari is listening from outside the door."
Kodi gave them a long glare before just sighing. "Well she might as well come in then," he said. He didn't want to talk to them right now.
Mari opened the door slowly, before entering and pulling it closed behind her. She walked slowly over to Ryder and sat by their side quickly. "We can't keep doing this, Kodi."
"Then just let me have it and we won't have to keep doing this."
Mari took a deep, wavering breath, obviously trying to hold it together. "What's gonna happen if you do go out on the field? It's a high-stress situation, you're not gonna have any time to do that. We can't afford to lose anyone, especially not another tribute. You're gonna take bandages that can be used for other soldiers just to cut yourself?"
"You won't lose me, I'm smart about what I do. I know all about killing people and how to avoid it happening." But he bit his lip a little bit.
"It's not a guarantee."
"Mari I didn't ask to be here. I went along with your plan because I was trying to protect them," he said, pointing at Ryder. "I had no idea any of this was going to happen and it was fun, but this is something I need."
"You don't need to hurt yourself," Ryder said firmly. "You can curb the habit, and quite frankly, Kodi, you're going to have to."
"I don't have to do anything," Kodi said back right away, his eyes stinging with tears. "I just want to be free, I didn't put Parker on blast just to come back here and be restricted even more by someone I thought was my friend. Especially not physically."
Ryder tensed up at that – Kodi could tell they were trying to hide that the comment hurt them. Good. Hurt them all and have them turn their backs on Kodi, just like everyone else did. "I did it to protect you."
"I don't need your protection," Kodi said. "Nor do I want it."
"Stop this," Mari said, shaking her head, finally. "This is ridiculous. You're seriously going to sit here and argue for why you should be allowed to hurt yourself?!"
"Yes," Kodi said. "I don't know why you say it like it's crazy."
"Because healthy people don't think like this, Kodi," Ryder said, shaking their head. "This is not normal."
"I know I'm fucked up," Kodi said with a shrug. "This is for all your sakes. Y'all need me, no? Well, here ya go. This is so you get the best version of me."
Mari gaped a little bit at him and Ryder let out a quiet sob that they tried to hide. "Maybe we don't want the so-called best version of you. Not if it means you're gonna hurt yourself. I want Kodi. I want who you really are, not a person that hurts himself to force himself into a box that was created by people that didn't treat him right. I don't want you to be hurt by anyone anymore, that includes yourself." They broke apart from Mari to go over there and grab Kodi and hug him tightly. "I want you for who you are, I don't care what the others say, I don't even care about the cause with this, I just want my friend to be happy…."
"And what is Kodi gonna do for you?" he asked. "Except for hurt you and push you away?"
There were a few seconds of silence where Ryder just held onto him tightly and he could feel the wetness from tears dripping onto his neck.
"Lots of things," Mari said, coming to sit on Kodi's other side and put her hand on his shoulder. "We need you. Genuine you, only he can do all the things we need you all for."
"Like marrying my step-brother," Ryder said, pulling back and giving Kodi a teary smile. "Remember? You promised you would."
Kodi blinked at them in shock. Did they really just make a joke right now? In the moment he wasn't thinking, he could feel a tear break out of his eye and pull down make-up with it. Kodi reached up to wipe it off and took a few shaking breaths. "I don't remember promising that," he said, offering them a small smile. "You know that I never break a promise."
The door opened and on the other side appeared Camellia, who had a troubled look in her eyes as she came in. "You don't get a choice, I'm coming in," she said, laying across Kodi and Ryder and Mari. She looked up at them all and was trying to figure out how things were going. "What's up?"
"I'm not going to let my brother get hurt anymore, that's what's up," Ryder said, sounding determined. "Remember what you told me at the party?" they asked. Kodi bit his lip and they continued. "You said that I'm a person that stands up for the ones I love, and it's just… Who I am." They balled their fist in determination. "I didn't believe it. And I still don't, not fully, but that's who I want to be and it starts today. You're one of those people and I'm going to stand up for you now like I did then against Parker. Yeah. That's what I'm gonna do."
"I'm proud of you," Mari said to them softly.
Kodi looked at the determination on their face and bit his lip. They seemed serious about it. He didn't even know how to react or what to say. Nobody had ever treated him this way before.
"I don't know what to say," he said quietly, honestly, as another tear rolled down his face and he stared at them.
"Then I'm going to teach you a sign." They held up their hand, putting out the thumb, pointer finger, and pinky. "It means I love you," they said quietly.
Mari smiled and copied the sign, before she blushed and giggled. Kodi gave her a knowing look – she was not at all subtle in her crushing – before he looked to Ryder. "Thank you," he said softly, before he put up his hand and formed the sign. Then, he nodded. "Perfect," he said softly.
Ryder smiled at him. "Good," they said, hugging him tightly. "We're gonna keep you safe."
Camellia sat up, relief evident on her face as she took Kodi's hands. "We want to keep you safe, all of you," she said. "I wouldn't be here if that wasn't my purpose. We lost Numi, I ain't losing any of you," she said, taking a shaky breath. "If you ever feel like you want to do that – and you will, Kodi, I'm not going to sugar coat it, from dealing with Numi, I know – please, just come tell one of us. We can help you. Don't hold it in, that'll only make it worse. Can you do that for me?"
He looked at her soft eyes, the gentle grip she had on his hands, and over to Ryder who had Mari nestled into their side and gave him a nod and a sign they'd taught him on the balcony under the stars. Please. Kodi finally nodded, taking a small breath. "I can do that much, yes," he said. And then he thought about it for a moment. He wasn't sure if he wanted to say anything else, but at the desperate looks on their faces, the warmth of them all being close, he felt it in his heart. He had to… So he did. "I promise."
Ryder slapped his back a little bit and gave him a smile and a sign. Thank you.
"Okay," Mari said, rubbing his shoulder.
Camellia's eyes still looked heavy, and the smiles in the room slowly faded away. "I… I unfortunately didn't just come in here to make sure we got that situation taken care of," she said softly, walking to the door to make sure it was locked before she sat down on the floor and pulled out her holo. "Malloy and Jo have been delayed in District Seven. The falconers have captured some of your fellow tributes and are holding them for ransom, and Malloy's been elected to go negotiate. And Jo isn't leaving him, and Coda is convinced he's gonna give this Pocomoke fellow a piece of his mind and a hit with his cane." She shook her head with a smile thinking about them, but it soon started to fade again. "And… Well… You are all going to want to see this," she said softly.
Kodi's heart dropped to his stomach at her tone. He hadn't heard her sound like that since Numi died. He sat up a little bit, still leaning against Ryder, when the news popped up.
"The Capitol has taken prisoner a number of rebels and suspects of rebellious activity," said the reporter on the screen. There were shown a few unfamiliar faces, until Kodi felt Ryder grow cold at the image of the boy with curly hair curled up in a cell.
"No!" they said, the voice of a broken person coming out of them. Camellia frowned as the image of an older woman that looked like the other boy on the screen came up, confined in a straightjacket. "NO!"
Kodi clung to them as Mari's face reflected his horror at the sobs that were coming out of Ryder, when Camellia shook her head, obviously needing them to keep watching. The final person to appear on the screen made Kodi's blood run cold. He suddenly felt like yelling too, grabbing handfuls of his arms and pressing his nails into them.
"What the fuck, no, this can't be happening," Mari said quietly. "He said he was coming back yesterday!" she said, staring at the picture of Lester in shock.
"I'm sorry," Camellia said quietly. "I don't know why," she said softly. "But… I might have an idea."
"Why?!" Kodi asked quickly, feeling the tears flowing freely out of his eyes. Lester was a good man, he didn't deserve that. Kodi didn't know him for long, but that night spent with him was easily the best of Kodi's life. He was just so… Energetic, electric, magnetic, and Kodi was honestly ecstatic to see him again… But now he wouldn't… At least, not for a long while. "Why!?"
Camellia came over and put an arm around Mari, which gave everyone in the room a bad feeling. "Lis and Freddy. They've disappeared. They broke out… With…" She looked like she was having a hard time getting it out, but she finally did. "Bonnie."
"You're saying that Lester was waiting for them?" Kodi asked, over the sounds of Ryder yelling out with sobs.
"Stellan won't admit it," Camellia said, looking at them with teary eyes. "But I know what it's like to love someone even when fate says it's impossible," she said, the tears finally coming out of her eyes. "I know what it's like to want it to be me instead, and not regretting that decision for even a second."
"This is bullshit!" Mari said with a great yell, throwing a pillow across the room with all her might as it slammed into a wall. "That fucking monster!" she roared, letting out another scream. "He had to take Freddy in chains, expose Lizzie to the elements, and now they have Lester and he's still fucking alive! WHY!?" she fell to her knees, holding her stomach, and punched the floor. "If I ever see him again, I'm gonna fucking KILL HIM!"
Kodi's mouth fell open as Camellia turned off the holo and looked so unsure of what to say as Ryder was taking ragged breaths, speaking in a low tone. "Keep that Holo away from me," they said quietly. Camellia put it away quickly and Ryder got over, walking over to the wall and with a loud yell, punching a hole into it. Kodi jumped back at that, and Camellia just stared at them, not even able to blame them for reacting this way.
"What have they done to Shani?!" Ryder asked. "He did nothing wrong! Cheri is the one that pushed me to this point, but why did they take him too?! He didn't earn any of this!" They shook out their fist. "We're getting them back," they said. "I don't know how, but we are. My mother is alone right now, they took her whole family, and I can't let that persist. You fucking heard me, I stand up for the people I love, I'm ready to do that all the time and fucking be that person!"
Kodi looked at them for a moment, Ryder turned to face Camellia with fists clenched, chest heaving with anger. Mari on the floor with her hair hanging over her eyes as she let out angry sobs and punched the floor a couple more times. He took a breath before he stood up, taking one of Ryder's fists and unclenching it. "Me too," he said, squeezing their hand and looking at Camellia. "I'm going to stand with my new family until the end. I want to be that person, you wanna see Kodi, this is him. I'm ready to stand up for the people I love. I'm gonna do it for Ryder, for Shani, and for Lester. Tell me what to do, we're gonna get them all back."
He could feel all of their eyes on him, so his jaw tightened and his fists tightened and suddenly he wasn't even thinking about those fucking cuts on his hips, or his razors, or any of it. All he was thinking of was them.
"I promise."
~.~.
-Chiwi Emory, 18, District 10-
She couldn't believe it had only been a few days. Between everything that had happened since the Arena and how quickly her wound was healing, she was more than a bit in shock at how little time had passed. Not to mention how quickly her bonds with the others had deepened. Especially Rory…
Chiwi had been through shit like this before. Trauma, it brought people together real fast. It made people need each other, if anything, because they need someone they can trust. Maybe that was all this was. They weren't actually growing close as friends. They were all just clinging to each other out of necessity. Especially in the middle of a war like this. They all just needed to stick together with people they knew they could trust.
But Rory, something about them just felt so… Different. Maybe it was just because of their shared past. Maybe it was because they were the only District people, surrounded by Capitolites and Careers. She didn't know, she couldn't place it. But right now, with them was where she felt the safest. There were certainly worse people to spend a war with. Rory was so attentive to her needs, especially as she was healing. They were patient with her progress and celebrated the small steps with her. But it wasn't a pitiful type of celebration – it was so… Genuine.
Yeah. That was Rory. A real genuine person in the middle of a war. It was so hard to find people that were genuine. It was part of the reason she liked Arthur, Caspar, and Valenty so much. It was obvious that all three of them were nothing but genuine. They were looking to help her and give her son a home with people she could trust. They even left the door open for her to be involved in his life. Not a lot of families would do that for a young confused kid like she was. She was so thankful for them. And having someone that was just as good and genuine was so necessary for Chiwi right now.
At least she knew that she always had one person she could go to. Genuine, gentle, relatable, kind, hot, compassionate – wait, hot!? Oops. She didn't just think that. Not that Rory wasn't. They definitely were easy on her eyes. But that wasn't, like, the first thing she noticed, they were just really nice. She didn't just notice that, er, well, not in the weird way, friends could say that about other friends, totally, it didn't mean anything.
Oh God. War and trauma really did weird shit to people. Especially her, right now. Damn. She was just trying to not act weird around anyone. She was feeling everything so strongly for them all, even though she knew it wasn't normal to grow close to people like this.
She looked over at Rory, who was sleeping on an armchair they pulled in for them to use. They looked so calm and peaceful. It was nice to finally see them sleeping well. Unfortunately, she was still struggling, which was why she was up so late into the night. She was feeling a little drowsy, but not enough to close her eyes. Welp, time for a glass of milk. She got up, resisting the urge to stretch and irritate her wound. It had been a long day for them all, hiding downstairs for visitors and playing that waiting game.
She had a small little lantern in her hand that she'd been using as a night light as she went to the kitchen. She opened the fridge and used the light to guide her as she poured herself a glass of milk. It was so smooth and comforting, even if it was cold. She sighed quietly and sat back, looking up when she heard movement. "Oh, hey," she greeted. But her smile slowly faded seeing him. "…Why do you look like that?"
Basil bit his lip, looking around the room. Chiwi's brows furrowed as she was trying to read him. Basil frowned as he turned around to face her. "They were trying to protect us. That's what they'll say. But I saw it."
"Saw what?" she asked quietly.
"They have Cruise," Basil said, his voice wavering just a little bit.
"What?" Chiwi said, squinting at him. "Who? Who has Cruise?"
"They do!" Basil said. "The Capitol has him! They showed him being contained!" he burst out quietly, his eyes filling with tears. "My fucking boyfriend. What did I do wrong? What did he do wrong? This is bullshit!"
Chiwi blinked at him in horror. "What? Did they say anything else?"
"Yeah, they have a whole bunch, and gues what, they're all tribute families. It's so fucked up."
"I'm so sorry, Basil." And she was suddenly worried about her own family, especially her son. But surely he was safe, Arthur always had his family's best interests in mind. That was… If Arthur was safe. And alive. Maybe he wasn't. Maybe the Capitol captured the mentors, fuck. "Where do we see it? I have to see if my family is safe."
"Arthur and his folks weren't there," Basil told her, and Chiwi breathed a sigh of relief, before guilt crashed over her feeling that way when Basil's boyfriend was taken. She didn't know what she would have done, what if Rory was taken by them…? She didn't know how she would even react or behave if that happened. Just the thought made her heart sink to her stomach in fear, and her eyes pricked just a little bit with tears. No, they didn't have Rory. But they did have Cruise.
"I'm so sorry Basil," she said softly, and it didn't even matter, Career versus District. All that mattered was that she saw a man that was hurting because of what the Capitol did to his family. She could feel her eyes filling with tears of sympathy for him. She came closer to him, but Basil put up a hand defensively.
"Stay back. I don't want to hurt you."
"Why the fuck would you do that?!" Chiwi asked, and she did do what he said as she stared at him with wide eyes.
"I'm going. They want information and I have information. I like you guys but he comes first. Always. He's mine and I'm getting him back." His voice broke and Chiwi gaped at him in shock.
"What kind of information!?" she asked, suddenly alarmed at that as her heartbeat picked up. "Basil. No… We've come so far."
"Nobody in this house is guilty, are they? It'll be fine."
"Basil, you don't know what they're going to do if they find us," Chiwi said quickly, her lower lip quivering in fear. Especially for herself, and Rory, and… "The McGinty family isn't innocent here. They dressed up and risked their lives to help us. They're hiding while hiding us, their brother was just killed by them Basil. How could you send those forces on them!?" She was thinking about the sweet little family, Eve, the parents of the household, the youngest at 12, Max, and how hard they worked to help them… The thought of them having to handle the authorities of the Capitol made a lump form in her throat. "After everything they did for you… For us…"
"I'm thankful for that," Basil said. "Truly I am. Consider letting you know this my last act of kindness to you. But this is war, Chiwi. Every man for himself. And I have to get the love of my life. Cruise is practically all I have. When family is so sparse, you have to go after them. Would you not go for your son? Would you not go for Rory?"
"Hey, leave Rory out of this!" Chiwi said, hating the almost juvenile blush off of her face at the insinuation that Rory was the same to her as Cruise was to Basil. "I can't let you do this," she said, shaking her head.
"I wish you all the best," Basil said, and he did sound sincere, but Chiwi could feel her chest burning with anger. She should have known not to trust him. It was enough that he was willing to sell out Chiwi and Rory and his own District partner for this, but how could he repay their protectors this way!?
"No!" she said, above the whisper she meant it to be as she lunged at him, grabbing him. Basil let out a noise of surprise, not expecting her to fight him, and swung his fist aimlessly for a moment. "You can't!"
"I have to!" Basil said loudly. Chiwi was relieved when she heard footsteps coming. Rory was coming, Eve was coming, someone that she could trust was coming to help her. But before they could come, Basil spoke. "I'm sorry Chiwi." He jabbed his finger into her wound, causing Chiwi to fully scream in pain and release him with a cry. Before she could even realize what was happening, Basil went up the stairs and out the door.
The pain burned like fire as Chiwi hit the floor, hugging herself and letting out another scream and a cry. The pain was bad, sure. But what hurt worse was the fact that even after all they'd been through together, she still couldn't trust Basil.
The light clicked open and Rory was the first to be by her side. Chiwi grabbed them as soon as she saw them with another cry.
"What the fuck happened?" they asked, panicking a little bit as they gently pulled her hand away from her wound. "Chiwi are you okay?"
She could barely answer, her brain couldn't form words. She grabbed Rory's arm and just held on tightly. Don't fucking leave me was what she wanted to say, but she just grabbed them tightly to cry out a few times in pain and desperation.
Wendy rubbed her eyes as she came into the room. "What's going on?" she asked, looking around. "Where's Basil?"
He's gone. But Chiwi couldn't make herself say it. It was fucking her fault that he was gone… She couldn't stop him…
Eve was the last to come downstairs, her face frowning in concern. "Chiwi!" she said, coming over, but Chiwi hugged herself protectively to try and get them to back off, she just wanted Rory. She let out a small cry before she was able to force out the word, trying to be strong.
"Gone," she said with a quiet sob. "He's gone. He left."
"Gone?!" Eve asked, her eyes widening. "What?! Where?! Why?!"
"Fucking dumbass," Wendy said, looking around the room in shock. "I saw him watching the report. He saw Cruise there. He… Fuck."
"Shit," Eve said under her breath. "I was going to tell him tomorrow. I just didn't want you all to lose sleep… Fuck. I fucked up."
"You didn't, I couldn't stop him," Chiwi said as more tears poured out her eyes and she sobbed again. "It's my fault!"
"You were injured, there's nothing you can do," Wendy said. "I'm sure he took advantage of it." She scowled a little bit and then shook her head as Chiwi was nodding as she sobbed again.
Eve looked at them all and then sat on the table. "We're gonna have to split up," she said finally. "They're going to milk him for every piece of information they have. With Cruise as a pawn. I just hope they uphold their part of the deal…" But her face indicated that she wasn't confident about that, and she was still worried about him. Despite what he did, she was still fucking worried about him. It wasn't fair, it was just so fucked up.
"I'm not ready to split up," Chiwi cried. She needed to have people behind her, she didn't know what she would do without them. The tears went down her face as she leaned into Rory, grabbing their arm again.
"I'm not leaving her," Rory said as they looked up at Eve with fire. "I won't."
Eve smiled slightly at them and nodded. "We'll keep you youngins together," she said. "I'm in contact right now with Kat about getting you all somewhere safe. Go pack your things now. We have to get you out of here as soon as possible."
"Eve…" Chiwi said quietly, staring at her. "Will you be okay?" she asked, knowing her voice came out quietly and pathetically, but she was so fucking scared for her.
Eve let out a quiet sigh. "I hope," she said with a smile. "But let's get you guys settled first." She put her hands down to help Chiwi and Rory up. "Go pack," she said quietly.
"I don't want to hide away in another safehouse," Wendy said, rubbing her eyes a little bit before she looked around at them. "I've had my share of hiding. I want to go out there and fight. Being here with all of you, I see now. I see that my worth should have never been staked on the Games, and other people like me don't deserve the fate of brainwashing into this attitude. I have a bone to pick with District One, and if Trap is still there, I have to find him. I want to fight by his side once more."
Eve looked at her for a second. "Are you sure?" Chiwi's slowly closed her jaw from when it had fallen in surprise at that. Wendy was a Career, she volunteered for this, she was a loyalist. But things changed. Trauma changed people…
"I'm sure. I've never been the type to shut up and take abuse before. I'm not gonna shut up and take it now."
Rory slowly smiled up at her. They slowly moved away from Chiwi's grip and went to give Wendy a hug. "I'm proud of you."
"Alright," Eve said with a small smirk. "We'll get you back home tonight. Just as long as you give 'em hell."
"I will," Wendy said right away, hugging Rory back. "Look out for each other, okay?" she said to Rory.
Chiwi looked over at them for a moment, realizing that Wendy was talking about her and blushing a little bit. "I can protect myself."
"I know you can. But you deserve each other, and you should stay together." She bounced her eyebrows at them. "For a loooooooong time."
Chiwi felt her cheeks heating up. "What!?"
Rory blushed as well and laughed a little bit. "Yeah, I mean, we're gonna stick together here, but… I… It's not what you think!" they said, pointing at Wendy and punching her arm. Wendy just let out a belly laugh at that.
"Alright, alright," she said. "You lovebirds go pack up and I'll do the same. Not like we have much to pack." Wendy went back to her sleeping area and Eve went to get a pager to communicate with Wolf.
Rory came over to help Chiwi up to her feet. "Thank you," she said softly. When she realized they were alone now, she could feel her face getting hot. "That was really scary. I really don't want to be alone."
"Me neither," they confessed quietly. "So I guess it's a good thing we both want to have a buddy."
"I… Guess so," Chiwi said, letting out a nervous laugh at how hot her face felt as she avoided eye contact with Rory as she felt so fucking awkward for some reason… But all of her awkward energy and worries faded quickly when Rory took her temples and put down her head to gently kiss her forehead. That made everything okay, even for a brief moment.
She didn't know what was happening or where they were going to go or how they were going to get there.
But somehow, they made everything okay.
~.~.
-Lester Gilmour, 19, Capitol-
He didn't even know how long it had been.
At this point, it could have been days. Or it could have been minutes. There was no semblance of time here. He may not have even been in that Capitol prison for an entire day before he was moved here to District Two. They didn't ever turn off the lights, and they barely ever got meals – the bare minimum serving of rice to keep them alive. That was the thing that kept him going. He was worth nothing dead, he was worth everything alive and breathing. They needed him, all of them. He was a pawn for both sides. It was the thing he clung to, even as battered and bloody as he was. They still didn't have any crimes to accuse Lester of. He was here for Bonnie's crime.
He knew he should have been upset, but he wasn't. He knew what he was risking by hanging around an extra day for Bonnie's sake. He knew that Bonnie was going to do something crazy, and fully knew he could have gotten punished for it. And he was, and he would have rather it been him than Bonnie any day. After all, he didn't even know if he was going to live a long and full life, and there was a fifty percent chance he wouldn't. That was enough of a chance for him to be alright with dying here in this prison in Bonnie's place. He wouldn't ever forgive himself. But he deserved to live and hopefully the people in Bonnie's life would tell him that if Lester couldn't.
He heard some movement from the other side of him and perked up right away. He hurried over to the small window that was between cells, only big enough to show hands – and faces, but only when they stood up on their beds. That got Lester a few whips but that was the thing. Lester was a fucking freak, he could take a little corporal punishment. And he'd gotten more than just a little. But if he took a moment to think about it as anything more than a joke, he would lose it. He had to stay positive, focused on the here and now and the future. Not what could have been. He waved a couple times into the window and waited a few seconds before he saw hands appear and wave back to him, and sign.
Morning, LESTER.
Lester's brows creased. Is it? He didn't know.
No clue. I just woke up.
Lester shrugged. I haven't slept much.
Me neither.
Lester rubbed his eyes, wincing when every part of his body complained about that, the vague idea of a metallic aroma hitting him but he couldn't quite reach that feeling anymore. Did you dream?
Haven't since I got here. What about you?
Lester sighed a little bit. I wish.
There was a moment where the hands didn't appear again. Lester looked up and saw a guard walking past, so he quickly made himself busy with something else. They didn't like when prisoners talked to each other. That was what got him in trouble the first time. But he couldn't think about it now. He couldn't let anything break his spirits.
What would you want to dream about? Came the question after the guards had left.
Lester thought about that for a minute. Lots of things, he signed. My Mom. She's dead. I miss her.
He saw the hands on the other side. My Mom is in prison too.
Lester squinted for a few seconds. What's her name?
He watched for the fingerspelling. CHERI MCCARVILL.
Lester's eyes widened a little bit and he quickly shook his hands so that his neighbor paid attention. I met her! She is OK. She talked about missing you.
He could hear the small little sob from the other side of the glass. I miss her too.
Lester frowned and shook his head. They were friends, him and Cheri, through all of the blood spilled… He wasn't sure where she was or what they were doing to her now… Happy thoughts, he signed quickly. Have to think happy thoughts.
Shani let out a small sigh and a few hiccups, trying to slow his tears. I know.
Lester closed his eyes and tried to zero in on something happy. He had to. Did you know that your step-sibling betrothed you to KODIAK CHAY?
He could hear the small noise of surprise from the other side of the wall. What?
Lester laughed a little bit, trying to focus on that and not on the pounding of his heart, not on the bruises and wounds. Yeah. I got to see them both.
Well I know you saw KODIAK, Shani signed with a small titter. Was he really good in bed?
This was definitely not the first time that Shani asked that question, but Lester liked to talk about it way too much to not answer. Yeah. He was a virgin and so blushy but everything I did made him giggle and praise me.
You lucky bastard.
This ass is magic.
He could hear Shani laugh but when they heard the sound of a baton hitting the wall echo across the chamber, they both hit the floor by instinct. Lester didn't want either of them to get in trouble again today. After a few seconds, Shani put his hands back up. Wanna see if this dick is magic too?
Lester put a hand over his mouth to keep from laughing out loud at that. I dunno, I haven't gotten a good look at your face. Are you cute?
The cutest twink.
Lester laughed a little bit to himself. But he quickly lit up when he saw a floof of hair and then that smiling face at the window that he'd only seen when he looked in the first time. He had tan skin, bright happy blue-gray eyes, and a big cute smile on his face. Lester grinned at that and rubbed his hands together. You are cute.
Thank you, he signed back with a quiet giggle.
Do you think I'm cute? Lester signed to him with a grin.
Maybe, came the sign from the other room, but Lester caught the hand that went into yes for just a second. Lester quickly did the sign for Good! As best as he could in the window.
But the sound of heavy footsteps approaching. "Trying to introduce yourself, huh?" came a voice that just sounded damn cruel from the other side of the wall. Lester's heart dropped to his stomach. "You stupid-ass shits never learn," he grumbled.
"Please, no," he heard the protest, but now they both knew way better than to try to protest.
"You'll be beggin' them to turn themselves in soon," he said, and Lester could hear the moment they put the needle behind his ear. The third time they'd done this and the sound of horror never changed. And no matter how many times it happened, the panic in his voice was all the same. He could hear the footsteps of the guard leaving, obviously deciding they weren't worth the effort of sticking around now.
"Please don't, please don't, please don't!" he said, but it was too late, and Lester knew what was happening even before he said it out loud. "Help! HELP! I can't fucking see!" Lester sat in the corner of his cell, listening to Shani scream and pulling his hair. He wanted to do something, but what could he do? Shani was partially deaf and Lester couldn't call out to him. And he was blind now – only temporarily, but it always felt like forever. Shani called out again, sobbing quietly, and Lester put his face in his knees. Hopefully they wouldn't also punish him. But he saw the little bird that was sitting up on the wall, listening to his sounds, obviously picking up on them. Fuck, no more of those, please… Well, the joke was kind of on them now in that respect.
But this was enough torture for him. Sitting here listen to his new friend in pain and knowing it was partially his fault. He just couldn't help himself, seeing Shani's hands and signing with him has been the only happy thing he's had since they got there. He just couldn't deny himself that. He needed Shani to keep the happy thoughts flowing, or else he would curl up and die here. But hearing him scream and cry like this… Knowing it was his fault… It hurt. Everything was his fucking fault…
Suddenly, Lester was brought out of his thoughts by a… Thumping. Suddenly, Lester had an idea. He went along the wall, trying to feel where Shani was punching as he was crying out. He got close and then he looked around, before bringing back his fists and thumping the wall. He did it a few more times. For just a second, Shani got quiet.
"Lester?" he asked breathlessly.
Lester thumped on the wall a few more times. I'm right here.
"Lester," he said again, hurrying over and thumping the wall. "Is that you?" Lester thumped a few more times and heard a sob of relief on the other side. "Lester please, don't leave me, okay?" Lester thumped on the wall a few more times and Shani quieted down a little bit. I won't. He could hear Shani's fast breaths close through the wall and he kept slowly, methodically thumping the wall. He would thump that fucking wall until his damn fist was blue if it meant Shani would know he was close. The bird flew away, obviously uninterested after the initial screams.
There was a wall between them, but Lester could still be with him. If he were in the room, he would hold Shani until it was all over. But he couldn't. So this would have to do.
Lester didn't see the other side, where Shani's palm was gently pressed on the wall right where he felt the thump was the strongest, hugging himself with the other arm and waiting for each thump with bated breath and tears in his eyes which just weren't fucking working. But even though they weren't, he had someone there with him.
The two of them stayed there, pressed against the wall, until the light came back into Shani's eyes and he let out a cry of relief. Lester pulled back his hand to see a red and purple mark on the side of his hand, rubbing it softly.
"I hate that," Shani said under his breath.
Lester pushed himself up and put his hands up to the window. I do too.
"Your hand…"
It's fine. Worth it.
Shani went quiet before his hands appeared at the window again. It was worth being blind to see you. And you see me.
Lester smiled a little bit. You sure?
No doubt in my mind.
Next time you put your face to the window I'll drop my pants.
Shani laughed, and the guards were still out so he let it out. Front or back?
Lester thought about it for a moment. Back so you can see this fat ass.
Shani laughed at that and Lester grinned at that, laughing a little with him. You have a cute laugh.
You too. When I hear it.
I'm still not used to it.
How so?
Lester just gave a pained smile. Long story. Happy thoughts.
There was a moment's pause. Thank you for staying with me back there.
Lester smiled a little bit. I never abandon the people I love. And he would continue to stay with them even in the most dire of situations.
You love me?
Lester could feel his cheeks heating up. Sure. I need you here. I appreciate having you.
Shani let out a giggle that Lester was pretty sure he didn't hear and thought he was being subtle. "I love and appreciate you too."
Lester could feel a little flutter. It had been a while since he heard that. And now he was hearing it from Shani… And Bonnie too. His heart fell to his stomach a little bit thinking about Bonnie. He missed him, he hoped he was okay. And yet, while his heart was aching for him… Having Shani here filled a void that was open without Bonnie. He felt like he should feel bad about that, but right now he needed to hold onto anything he possibly could. Bonnie would understand… Lester loved him first. He was just connecting quickly to Shani too… Just like he connected so fast with Kodi… God, Lester was in trouble.
I'm going to do what I can for you.
Me too.
Do you see anyone?
They both took a few seconds to look into the empty hallway.
No.
Lester smiled. Me neither. They must have been changing out. He dragged the stool they gave him, using it to get one leg on the bed and pull himself up to the window, grinning when he saw Shani in the same position, almost falling a little. Lester let out a quiet chirpy giggle and Shani grinned up at him before he hefted himself up to the window to look at him on the other side.
"Hi," Shani said softly. Lester gave him a small wave. Shani grinned and held up the sign – thumb, pointer, pinky. He put it right next to his cheek and pressed it against the glass. Lester grinned back, and put his hand into the shape, bruised heel and all, pressing it up against the glass. It didn't matter if everything was hurting right now, this was what he needed to keep fighting.
"Even all battered and bruised…" He gently rubbed his fingers over Lester's cheek through the glass. "…I still think you're cute."
You too. We're going to get out of here soon, and then we're going to heal up together. Let's stick together.
Shani smiled and nodded at him through the glass. OK. He smiled at him. I'd like that.
Lester smiled back. You'll be my BFF. No. TBF.
Shani smiled at him. "What's TBF?"
Twink best friends. Cutest twinks ever.
Shani laughed and Lester laughed with him, which made him smile bigger. OK. It's a plan. TBF.
Lester laughed, but when he heard footsteps approaching, he quickly signed, Down before he jumped down and hurriedly dragged his stool back to where it was, sitting on it and rubbing his hand idly, hearing the sounds of Shani doing the same.
But even when they were apart, he could hear Shani breathing on the other side. And for now, in prison, smelling blood in the air and feeling aches, bruises, and pains every time he fucking moved… Even just knowing he was there was going to get Lester through to the next day. Knowing that he wasn't alone while waiting for Bonnie to ultimately make a plan to come get him out of here, having someone that understood and was suffering through all of it by his side…
That would be enough.
~.~.
A/N: Doesn't write for weeks. Writes an update in a day. Rinse and repeat. Sorry I just really love the party kings enough to have a double dose of them today, sue me.
Hope all is well.
Next Chap: No One Mourns the Wicked.