Leonard adjusted the neck of his shirt for the ninth time in the last 5 minutes, it had been a dumb idea to agree to this blind date. He removed his glasses and cleaned them again. Just because Penny was dating Sheldon didn't mean that he had to jump into a blind date. Well, not exactly jumping into it but seeing his friends be actually happy made him wish some of that happiness for himself.
Penny and Sheldon…that had come out of the blue and surprised everyone. Leonard most of all. He thought that he and Penny had something going on.
Sheldon had received funding for his Arctic Expedition and immediately broke his ankle jumping for joy. Because of that, Leonard Raj and Howard had gone on his stead, which yeah, the experience was amazing and even as Sheldon's helpers it would be an amazing thing to add to their resume and records. Sadly the experiment didn't reveal anything new and even Sheldon had to admit (over spotty Skype) that there was nothing more they could do but return.
Leonard should have known that something was wrong by Sheldon asking him to remember that they had been gone for 6 months.
"Leonard, change is an inherent part of life." This should have been terrifying coming from Sheldon but Leonard had just been happy to go home.
The three intrepid explorers had arrived in Pasadena and then into 4A and had been met with the image of Penny straddling Sheldon while she did her best to check if he still had his tonsils.
Leonard could still feel his heart break to this day.
Which fine, Penny didn't owe him anything, but…he had seen her first. He had already named their hypothetical children and envisioned a future with her. All of that was gone, like smoke in a moment.
A flush of shame makes him remember the words he had hurled at this roommate and neighbor, he was truly ashamed of them and wished he could take them back. It was the first time he thought Sheldon would actually deck him, as for Penny, she did deck him before yelling in his face 'I'm not a toy Leonard! You can't just call dibs on me like a thing.'
That hurt.
Not just because of the punch, but because Penny's words went against everything he believed himself to be. Had he really treated her like a thing? Looking back at their interactions made him cringe more and more until he was a ball of shame and regret. Every time he paid for her dumplings, he had done it expecting her to put out for him. He had thought that because he had treated her nicely that he deserved to sleep with her…
It's a horrible thing to look at yourself in the mirror and not recognize your reflection.
He had apologized to both Penny and Sheldon, but not only that, he also started going to therapy. Even though his natural response to anyone suggesting therapy had been to react defensively and to deflect the subject, he couldn't do that anymore. Not if he wanted to be the kind of person he thought he was before. An apology without change in the behavior was just manipulation and he didn't want to be THAT person.
Not anymore. He had to destroy Leonard Hofstadter 'The Nice Guy' and rebuilt himself into Leonard Hofstadter the nice guy.
It wasn't easy, of course he could see how his mother influenced him, but at what point did it become routine to simply blame her for everything and not take responsibility for his actions? To sweep it under the rug of his mother's shadow.
Now he had to take everything from under the rug back out one by one until he could no longer hide behind it. He had to face the things that made him uncomfortable.
Manipulating girls to be kinder to him by offering stories of hugging machines, funeral chocolate cake, being ignored for his siblings. Being ashamed of who he was and always being ready to leave it behind. Being snarky and sarcastic all of the time in order to not be vulnerable.
He couldn't stay the same.
It all felt like learning the way you walked your entire life was wrong and you had to be conscious about how you're stepping, how long your stride is, what shoes you're wearing. At times you unconsciously went back to walk the same way. But as his therapist said "It will soon feel normal, you won't have to worry about all of that stuff and you will be able to live the way you want."
The flush of shame had almost disappeared by now but he helped it along by downing his second glass of water. He was glad the waiter had left the pitcher at the table because Leonard was thirsty.
He had arrived at the restaurant thirty minutes before the agreed time because old habits are hard to kick and he was nervous. This would be his first date in…a year. Leonard froze with the glass to his mouth, huh, he hadn't noticed it had been quite so long. He'd been focused on his own personal improvement that dating was left behind. He was a little proud of that fact.
In fact, he had only agreed to this because Howard had pushed him to it.
His friend had apparently set up a dating profile for him and arranged this whole blind date. He still wasn't sure if this was a prank or not, Howard had been smiling a little too enthusiastically.
"Excuse me, I'm Amy Farrah Fowler. You're Leonard Hofstadter." A strong and firm voice interrupted his thoughts.
"Hi, yes…" He trailed off after seeing his date.
Oh. It had been a prank. Amy was a nice girl but she was dressed like his grandma and the way she had spoken, well, that was a perfect impression of Sheldon. Man…he hadn't expected that, not really.
Howard could be such an asshole at times.
"Sorry, yes. Hi. I'm Leonard." He extended his hand, he'd play along for now and get Penny and Sheldon involved in his revenge.
"By your expression I can see that you're disappointed in my appearance. This is a common thing." The heartbreaking words were said in a deadpan tone of voice and expression.
"No! I mean…Yeah, a little bit. I thought this was an actual date and…You know what, my friend set this whole thing up and I feel bad that you were pulled in for this prank. Is he around? I have to admit that getting you to imitate Sheldon is a bit much." Leonard rambled quickly.
"Imitate?" The first inkling of an emotion in her voice. "Elaborate please."
"THAT! It's just that we have a friend that speaks like that and he's my roommate and…" Leonard trailed off at the confused look on her face. "You don't know what I'm talking about, do you?"
"No. I…You mentioned a prank. Are you pranking me like Daniel Hurt did during the Homecoming dance where he pretended to invite me only to have a homeless man pick me up instead?" There was something in her voice that gave Leonard pause. Resignation?
"What?! No!" He was horrified by her anecdote. "Did he really do that to you?" Morbid curiosity prompted him to ask.
Amy nodded. "Samantha Brewer also pretended to invite me to a sleepover only for the address she gave me to be the local dog pound."
Leonard gaped at her. "Uh, I'm really sorry. I once got shoved in my locker by my best friend because a cheerleader told him that if he did it she would kiss him. But then her boyfriend beat up my friend."
And sharing stories of their horrible childhoods they soon began talking about their interests and job. Amy was a Neurobiologist and she actually spent time in Caltech, though not often.
'Maybe this date wasn't such a bad idea after all.'
"Raj! Buddy! You don't understand!" Howard took a hold of Raj's arm.
"I understand. Leonard has been doing his best to become a better version of himself and you wanted to prank him?!" Raj wasn't exactly yelling, but was very close to.
They were outside of Howard's house and were about to enter with their takeout but before they could do it, Howard couldn't contain his glee anymore and told Raj of his 'prank'.
"No buddy, no. It's not like that! I just-"
"Howard! You better hope that Leonard forgives you." Raj gave Howard a disappointed look.
"I…I'll apologize properly. I swear!"
Leonard nervously shifted in place and looked up at Amy's face. Her expression was the same as it had been for most of the night but she had a small blush on her cheeks.
Leonard was happy that he date had NOT been a prank.
Amy was a wonderful and sweet girl, and much like Sheldon she was way too smart for her own good. She wasn't imitating Sheldon, that was her own way of speaking plus nervousness.
"I believe that it's customary for a date to end on a kiss." Amy said, her voice was level and calm but her blush had intensified.
"Ah, yes." He said smartly. Deciding that talking was not the best course of action at the moment, Leonard gave Amy a chaste kiss on the lips but almost right away Amy grabbed him by the back of the head and deepened the kiss.
Leonard grabbed Amy's waist more to stop himself from toppling over than for any other reasons but the moment he did she moaned into his mouth and Leonard decided to stop worrying and start kissing her back.
"Woah…" Leonard said after Amy had let him go.
"I'm free next Friday night and will be expecting a call from you." How could she sound so calm after that kiss was a mystery.
"Uh, yes." Leonard gave himself some grace on his lack of eloquence, lack of blood to the brain does that to you.
"Goodnight Leonard."
"Goodnight Amy."
"Woah…" Leonard repeated once her apartment door had closed.
He touched his lips and looked at his feet, he felt like a teenager in the best sense of the word. He looked back up at the closed door and raised his hand to knock but stopped himself at the last moment and instead moved to walk back to his car.
The cat was alive.
On the drive back to the apartment he kept thinking on the best way to thank Howard for introducing him to Amy. Maybe he could convince Sheldon to rescind one of Howard's strikes?
"Hey there Casanova, how did your date go?" Penny asked him as soon as he closed the door to 4A behind him. She was sitting right next to Sheldon on her spot and judging by the state of her hair they also had a successful night. Sheldon was too focused on his laptop to give him more than a passing greeting.
"It went great!" He gave Penny a real smile. He was glad that they were able to recover their friendship. "Amy is a sweet girl and we kinda hit it off right away."
"Aw Sweetie, that's fantastic!" Penny smiled back at him. "Isn't that right Moonpie?" She nudged Sheldon with her leg.
"Yes, yes, yes. Congratulations Leonard." Sheldon rolled his eyes and gave Leonard what for him was an enthusiastic response. Sheldon yelped as Penny pinched his side and whispered something about being happy for Leonard.
"So when are you seeing her again?" Penny asked after her whispered conversation with Sheldon.
"Next Friday night…" He hesitated before deciding to soldier on. "I really like her. I don't know…I think there's something there." He shrugged bashfully.
"Awww Sweetie, that's great!"
"Yeah." He smiled like a fool at her.
He hoped that he wasn't wrong about this. He really liked Amy.
Leonard took a hit of his inhaler and tried his best to smile and signal to Amy that he was okay. His naked chest heaved with the effort of trying to breathe until the medicine relaxed his airway muscles and he was able to gain control of his breathing.
"Allow me to go fetch a glass of water for you." Amy said once she knew he'd be okay.
"Thank you, love." He said breathlessly and enjoyed the way Amy blushed at his words.
Amy put on her robe and left his bedroom. Thankfully Sheldon was spending the night at 4B which meant Leonard and Amy had the apartment to themselves. Leonard relaxed against the headboard and enjoyed the sounds of Amy moving through the empty apartment, the sound of the cupboard opening and closing.
It felt nice, like home.
Being fully honest with himself, he had to admit that he hadn't seen his relationship with Amy develop the way it had in the past months.
She was as smart as Sheldon but didn't have the same hang-ups that he did about physical contact and sex. Pursing his lips he sucks on his teeth in annoyance.
'Although it seems he doesn't have those same hang-ups when it comes to Penny.'
Leonard shakes his head and tries to move away from those thoughts. Sheldon and Penny were happy and he was honestly happy for them as well. But it was a work in progress to try and stop the negative thoughts, it was a behavior he needed to unlearn.
'Focus on Amy.' He reminded himself. Amy had a very dry sense of humor that matched perfectly with his, she was actually very sweet but had trouble expressing those feelings, honestly their childhoods had been somewhat similar which also helped them bond.
Amy was also a very sexual being…and he could barely keep up with her. He thought he had wanted a girl that liked sex, but Amy was challenging that idea. In short, she was insatiable.
"Here you go Leonard." Amy's voice startled him out of his musings.
"Thank you." He accepted the glass of water she offered, took a couple of sips and once his throat felt better he took a big gulp. The water was cool and it helped to calm him down even more.
"So…ready for round two my sexy Hobbit?" Amy was also very direct.
Leonard almost choked as he drank, not due to shock, no. He was used to Amy's somewhat inappropriate comments when she was feeling horny. No, he almost choked in laughter.
"Yeah." Leonard put the glass on the nightstand and pounced on his sexy girlfriend, they had the apartment to themselves for once and he was not going to waste this chance.
Later, as he laid between Amy's arms, Leonard had to wonder if this position would have embarrassed the 'Leonard from before'.
If anyone would have barged in on his room at that moment, they would have found Amy on her back and Leonard laying on top of her, his head nestled right underneath her breasts and her arms resting protectively against his back, surrounding him lovingly.
Sometimes he got the sudden urge to cry in these moments and he wasn't fully sure why.
Leonard had always wanted to be the one that protected his girlfriend, to be a manly man. But therapy had helped him see how it also led him to see women as things without autonomy. He had been afraid that someone could come along and 'take' girls away from him, like they were toys. He'd been scared of that when introducing Amy to Sheldon…He's glad that she's sleeping because he can't face her at the moment, he nestles his head closer to her chest.
Her warmth is a soothing balm on his…soul? Ego? No, on his life.
A part of him, a part he hadn't wanted to face had been afraid that Amy would have dropped him as soon as she met Sheldon, but he had been a fool. Amy hadn't left his side all night and even kissed and openly showed her affection towards him.
A bubble of laughter almost threatens to burst out of him. 'If anything, I should have been wary of Penny.' Amy almost instantly latched onto their neighbor, the trademark kindness of the blonde was a bonfire that Amy couldn't ignore, even going so far as to declaring Penny 'her bestie'.
It felt good to be in a relationship and not having to feel like he was competing against some invisible contender. Amy wanted to be with him and that was all there was to it. He still had to remind himself of that, but with Amy by his side, he could do anything.
And yes, he's certain that if Howard knew about their sleeping positions there would be much teasing about Leonard being the girl in the relationship, but he honestly couldn't care less what Howard, or anyone else for that matter thought. Amy loved to cuddle with him and the way she held him was loving and made him feel safe.
Leonard is sure that he loves Amy.
But he's still in therapy and doesn't want to scare her off, it's only been 6 months since they've been dating which yeah, before, he would have been ready to move in with her almost right away, but Amy had her own circumstances with her mother and these weekends that they would spend at the apartment felt like a nice practice run for the future.
There was no need to rush, they'll get there when they get there.
His eyes felt heavy with sleep but he refused to give in to sleep just yet. He wanted to enjoy more of this time with her, the apartment was quiet and the only noises were coming from beyond the window and the city outside.
For this moment in space and time, only Leonard and Amy existed in his consciousness. Sleep took him soon.
That night, dreams of two boys with brunette hair and square rimmed glasses filled him with joy and caused him to wake up in a great mood. Sadly, by the time his waking consciousness took over he had forgotten most of the dreams he had that night.
All that left was a feeling of longing that only went away when he hugged Amy.
"Sheldon, stop fidgeting." Leonard whispered to the man on his left.
"I do not fidget, Leonard." Sheldon lied.
"Then what do you call this…" Leonard tried to discreetly show that Sheldon kept moving in place.
"It's my first time being a 'Best Man' and I'm simply nervous. I want to perform my role correctly." Sheldon avoided admitting he was fidgeting, Leonard noted.
"I'm the one getting married, Sheldon. As long as you don't lose the rings you'll be fine." Leonard saw Sheldon freeze in place and a pit of dread opened in his stomach. "Sheldon…the rings…" He trailed off not knowing how to even ask Sheldon if he still had them.
A breathy laugh "Bazinga. Honestly Leonard, I have an eidetic memory, I would never-"
Ignoring the rest of what Sheldon said Leonard took a deep breath and closed his eyes in consternation, he would tell Penny later about this inappropriately timed Bazinga so she could take care of her Wackadoodle husband. Being in love with the man did not make her any less likely to go Junior Rodeo on him.
At least this had calmed down his own nerves significantly.
Hearing the music swell and start to play, Leonard opened his eyes and like magic his eyes found Amy's eyes across the church. She looked breathtaking in her white dress, the glasses he loved were absent which meant her eyes were shown fully to the world and he couldn't help but smile at her.
Leonard Hofstadter was one lucky SOB. And he was ready to marry the love of his life.
"Dad! Can we get ice cream?" Sheldon asked.
"Ohhhh yes! I second that." Niles quickly joined, his youngest always followed in his brother's steps.
"I don't know guys…" Leonard pretended to think it over. "Well, alright! Let's go get ice cream."
"Yay!"
"Yes!"
"Just don't tell your mother, we're supposed to go have dinner at your Aunt Penny's place." He was glad that his kids did not inherit his aversion to lactose, he wanted them to have as much of a normal childhood as possible.
"Okay Dad." Niles said.
"I can't wait to show Uncle Sheldon my test results." His other boy vibrated in his seat in his excitement.
Leonard smiled at his children through the rearview mirror.
Life was good.
fin.
Notes:
Yeah, honestly, don't expect more of this. It was a nice exercise in writing and I'm pretty happy with the result but this was mostly done for the following reasons:
-I've been listening to Steven Universe songs a lot on repeat recently and this gave me the push to try and be more empathetic towards characters that I would usually not be.
-I've read plenty of Lamy but it's always in the background of other pairings and they never get the spotlight.
-It seems that there are no actual Lamy fics (If I'm wrong please feel free to correct me in the comments with your recommended story, but remember I'm talking about stories where Lamy are the main couple.)
Once again, I want to reiterate to not expect this type of fic from me again, I don't want to set any false hopes or expectations.
Much love.
Hanabi.