"I think I've finally figured out my problem with women," Leonard realized.
"Lots of people are working on that research," Howard said, not taking his eyes off the TV.
"You have?" Raj turned to him, a look of mild surprise on his face.
"Yes. I don't project confidence."
"Oh no," Howard said. "Trust me, I'm very confident and women don't like that either."
"You're just creepy. No, I mean… I hold back too much. I should be open about what I want. Go up to a woman and talk to her."
"Well yeah, obviously," Howard said. "Not talking is not gonna get you laid. Right, Raj?"
"Very funny," Raj noted dryly.
"I'm telling you," Leonard said. "Next time I meet a woman I find attractive, rather than holding back and being cautious, I'll assume the mantle of self-assurance. I'll-"
"Hey Leonard?" a new voice cut in. "Is there a trick to get it to switch from tub to sho- woah. Uh, hey everyone."
Penny, their new neighbor, smiled sheepishly, a blush rising to her cheeks. The fact that she was standing in a living room dressed only in a hastily wrapped towel in front of two strangers and two almost-strangers was probably a big factor here.
"Oh, sorry Penny," Leonard said. "These are our friends, Howard and Raj."
"Hey." Howard waved to Penny.
Leonard furrowed his brow. "Wait, what? You're not gonna…"
"Oh no," Howard said. "I want to see this."
"See what?"
"The mantle of self-assurance."
Leonard froze.
Damnit.
"What's self-assurance?" Penny asked.
"Oh, that's just… uh…"
"Yes, Leonard," Howard smiled. "Where's your mantle?"
"Uh… well… I mean…"
"Like I thought." Howard walked up to Penny and cleared his throat. "Echantee, made-"
"Okay, that's enough," Leonard cut in. "We can make introductions once Penny finishes her shower. Come on, I'll show you how to switch it."
Leonard wrapped his arm around Penny's shoulders and guided her back into the bathroom.
"Sorry about Howard," he muttered. "He doesn't know how to behave himself around beautiful women."
"Oh." That made Penny blush even harder.
They entered the bathroom. Leonard switched the tap to shower.
"There we go. Sometimes it sticks a little."
"Thanks."
Penny stepped back into the shower. She tossed her towel over the curtain.
Leonard swallowed hard.
Okay, what now? It's not like he could-
"Hey Leonard?" she asked.
"Yeah?"
"Can I ask you a favor?"
"Yeah, sure, you can ask me a-" he hesitated. That didn't sound very confident.
"It's okay if you say no," she added.
I'll probably say yes.
Wait, hold on. He should be the one asking her. Why was he going with the flow? He should-
"It's just not the kind of thing you ask a guy you've just met," Penny continued.
"W-What is it?"
"It's just… well… my tv is still with my ex-boyfriend."
"Wait, what?"
"We've got a little argument about… custody. And my budget is a little tight right now so I really can't afford a new one."
Huh? "Y-You want me to get your TV from your ex-boyfriend?"
"I'm sorry," she said. "It's stupid, forget I-"
"No, no. It's… It's not."
"Wait, you'll do it?"
"Yea-" he caught himself. "Ye, I don't know, Penny. That's a pretty big favor to do for a girl I met less than an hour ago."
"Yeah, I know, but I'm afraid if I go over there…"
"Yeah, that makes sense," Leonard said. "Tell you what. I'll do it if you do a little favor for me in return."
She chuckled. "What do you want? You want me to pull open the curtain so you can watch me shower?"
"What?"
What an excellent idea, he should go with that.
"I'm joking," Penny said. "Don't be silly. Now, what favor do you want?"
"Well," Leonard said. "I should warn you, it might end with us showering together anyway."
"Wait, are you asking me out?"
"Yes. Yes, I am."
He was, right? Yes. Yes, he was. Confidence. Self-assurance.
"Come on, be serious," Penny argued.
"I am serious."
"Leonard, look," she said.
Oh, I wish I had that level of confidence. Just pull back that curtain and look at-
"You're not the kind of guy I usually date."
"You mean like your ex-boyfriend who still has your TV?"
"Good point," she admitted.
"So-"
"Look," Penny cut in. "I don't want to date a new guy right now. Ask me something easy. Ask me to show you my tits."
"Do you want to show me your… breasts?"
"I don't know," Penny said. "I've flashed my boobs for a lot less than a TV. This is an upgrade."
"I don't think you're that kind of girl," Leonard said.
"Oh, I am."
"But do you want to be?"
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Look, forget about the favor," Leonard said. "I'll go get your-"
"Wait. I…"
She pulled back the curtain. Leonard's mouth fell open. Penny was standing under the shower, completely naked. I mean, duh. Who showered with clothes on?
But… she was showing him. Penny didn't even attempt to cover her body. And what a body. Her boobs were even bigger than he imagined earlier. They'd overflow his hands if he grabbed them. Her pink nipples were hard, either from the hot water still running down her body, or from this whole situation. Her skin was nice and smooth. There were no tan lines anywhere in sight.
"I… uh…"
"I want to be that kind of girl," Penny explained. "For guys who deserve it. Sweet guys, like you."
"Oh."
"You're a great guy, Leonard. And I want to date you. Just… not right now, okay?"
Leonard didn't trust his voice to respond, so he just nodded.
Penny winked at him. "Keep that mantle of self-assurance lying around, kay?"
"O-Okay."
"Perfect."
She blew him a kiss and then closed the shower curtain again.
Leonard stood there, pinned to the floor.
Look at that. Projecting a little confidence worked. Who would have thought?
Right. Better go get that t-
Wait a second.
"Hey, Penny?"
"Hm?"
"Need some help washing your hair?"
She chuckled. "Well, these hair products do look confusing. What am I supposed to do with this Luke Skywalker shampoo?"
"That's the conditioner," Leonard said. "Darth Vader is the shampoo. See, you need my help."
"That's right. Why don't you take your clothes off and get in here?" Penny suggested.
"Wait, what?"
"It's only logical," Penny said. "I showed you mine, you can show me yours."
"I-I suppose that's fair."
Come on, he could do this. Project confidence.
Leonard got out of his jeans and hoodie. Then, he pulled off his shirt, leaving him in his Star Wars briefs and the sleeveless top he wore underneath his shirt.
Deep breath. Come on.
Leonard pulled off the top and tossed it aside. He tried to ignore the sideways view in the bathroom mirror. Then, he hooked his thumbs into his briefs and pulled them down.
Somewhere deep down, he half-expected this to be some prank. Something that would end badly. But he reminded himself that he decided to wear the mantle of self-assurance. New Leonard didn't get pranked.
Completely naked, he stepped-
Oh, wait. Socks.
Leonard quickly pulled off his white socks.
Second attempt.
He stepped into the shower with Penny.
"Hey, there, big guy," she smiled. Penny still stood there, underneath the warm spray of water, completely naked.
"Hi."
"Although you're not that big right now." She nodded to his crotch.
"I'm a little nervous," Leonard argued.
"About washing my hair? Come on, don't be silly. You're confident, right?"
"R-Right. C-Can you hand me the Darth Vader no-more-tears shampoo?"
Penny chuckled. "Yes, Sir."
She handed him the bottle.
"Right," Leonard said. "Turn around."
She turned her backside to him.
Damn. Her ass wasn't too bad either.
Penny's beautiful blonde hair fell down in thick ropes, heavy from all the water it had soaked up. Leonard spent a few seconds admiring it.
Then, he squirted some shampoo on his hands and began to wash her hair. An act that felt surprisingly intimate. You'd think the more intimate part would be before when Penny showed him her naked body, but weirdly, it wasn't. Maybe Raj's weird theory about washing hair was true?
Oh well. Better not think about Raj right now.
"Damn, you're good at that," Penny sighed.
"Thanks."
He gently washed her hair, massaging her head in the process. It was very relaxing. For both of them.
"Hm," Penny said. "I feel something hard poking against my back."
"Sorry."
"No, no," Penny said. "Don't be. It's a compliment."
"I-I guess."
She turned around. "I'm glad I- ah fuck. No-more-tears shampoo my ass. Fuck that stings."
"Hold on."
Leonard grabbed the showerhead and sprayed her face. The shampoo washed out.
Penny blinked a few times.
"Better?" he asked.
"Damnit, I'm crying again."
"It's okay," Leonard reassured her. He was still standing there awkwardly, with the showerhead in his hand.
Penny's eyes briefly looked down at his crotch. "Look, why don't we finish this some other time?"
"Your hair?"
"Leonard, come on. We both know what's going to happen if we keep this up. I'm gonna get down on my knees, as usual."
Leonard gulped. "Oh." On her knees, like… Wow.
"Now is not the time," Penny said. "I just broke up. And you're such a sweet guy. I want to do this right."
"Right," Leonard deflated.
"I'm sorry."
"No, no. I was saying you're right. We should do this properly. I'll go get your TV, you finish your shower." He handed her the showerhead.
"Okay. Thanks."
"I'll just-"
"Hold on." Penny put her hand on his shoulder, stopping him from climbing out. She leaned forward and… placed a chaste kiss on his forehead. "Thank you, Leonard. You're a great guy."
"T-Thanks."
"Be careful out there, okay. Kurt can be a little…"
"I got it. Don't worry. I've got the mantle of self-assurance."
"Alright. If you so say."
Leonard got out and grabbed a towel. He could do this. And honestly. What was the worst that could happen? He had the mantle of self-assurance now. Everything was gonna be just fine.