The Lost Diaries of Scarecrow and Mrs. King

Chapter 1: The First Time

Dear Diary,

October has started out to be a crazy month. I had to take Dean to the train station the other day because he thought it was going to rain and he didn't want to leave his car there. It never did rain. It was blue skies and beautiful the whole time he was gone.

I really wish Mother and Dean would stop harping on me to get married. I'm just not ready.

Anyway, the strangest thing happened while I was at the station. I had just left Dean and was heading back to my car when this man in a white tuxedo grabbed me, spun me around, and said, "walk with me". It really scared me at first but then I saw… his eyes. What beautiful eyes he has. He handed me a small box, told me to get on the train, and hand it to the man in the red hat. I didn't want to at first, but it was the way he almost pleaded for help that made me do it.

I got on the train and looked for the man in the red hat. I couldn't believe it! The entire train was filled with men in red hats. It must have been some Shriners convention or something. Then the conductor stopped me and I had to try to explain why I didn't have a ticket. How embarrassing to be standing there in a nightgown with all these men staring at me. I didn't know what to do, so I just got off at the next stop and went home.

You will never believe what happened next. The next day I stopped at Moby Docks with the kids after their soccer game and the guy from the train station was there dressed as our waiter. He even had on the pirate outfit. Are you kidding me? I have no idea how he found me. And how in the world did he know I would be there at that specific time? Well, I got out of there just as fast as I could. He had the nerve to shove his card under my windshield wiper as I drove off. Of course I was curious and you know what they say about that. I called the number later that day and he scared me with everything he said. He wanted to meet. In for a penny, in for a pound, so I agreed to meet him.

I pulled up to the address I was to meet him. They had a valet and the place was huge. I thought, this couldn't possibly be where I was supposed to meet him. I walked into the house and there was a Halloween costume party going on for which I was hideously underdressed for. I almost left but then I heard my name. I looked up the staircase and I think my heart skipped a beat. He was standing there in another tuxedo. A black one this time. How many tuxedos can one man have? Anyway, every woman there was all over him. It was kind of annoying. His so-called friends are a little weird for my taste. Then he asked me to dance.

He is a really great dancer and his cologne was setting off every sense I have.

We started talking and that's when he dropped the bomb. He told me he was a spy.

Shoot, I probably shouldn't put that in writing.

He told me all about the package and how he needs it back right away to try to find the leak because other spies were being killed.

Oh my gosh, I probably shouldn't have written that either.

But you know me, I didn't bring the package with me. You know, just in case I needed to use it as leverage or something. I mean… he could've been a gangster for all I knew. He got real mad at that and we left. We were in the parking garage and two men started chasing us. I had no idea who they were. We were dodging in and out of cars trying to hide. Then, all of the sudden he grabbed my hand, and we jumped into the garbage cart. He drove down the circle ramp so fast I thought we were going to crash. As we flew out of the garage, we barely missed a limo that crashed right into a fire hydrant, soaking us.

Of course, he followed me home to get the package, but I had him hide outside my kitchen window so Mother and the boys didn't see him. Can you imagine how I would explain that one to Mother? It was bad enough I had a strange man outside my window. Hopefully, none of the neighbors saw him. However, that would have made it easier to explain how Mothers tulips got trampled.

Anway, when I went to get the package, it wasn't where I left it, so I asked Mother about it and she said she mailed it. I saw him out the window and tried to explain it to… let's just call him Mr. Tuxedo… he was not happy. He made a phone call and the next thing I knew we were in the post office searching for the package. We didn't find it but the security guard sure found us.

The next morning, I was at his place of employment talking to some woman he works with. She has no clue how to run a household. Dumb as rocks when it comes to common sense, if you ask me. I mean, she called taking cooking lessons, going back to school. And she has definitely had a nose job.

Shortly after his meeting I was chasing after him through the Jefferson Memorial.

That man has a huge stride and walks fast.

I asked him if he had a family and told him to watch out for himself. I even asked him to Thanksgiving.

Why did I do that? I barely know the man.

Then he got a little upset and blurted out that he lost his last partner. I felt really sad for him. He said his goodbye and he was gone.

Later that evening, Dean came over and we were enjoying a romantic fire while he told me all about his trip to New York.. Can you believe that man brought me book ends as a gift? Thoughtful but not very romantic.

Anyway, Jamie and Phillip interrupted us and Jamie said Phillip opened the gift that I left on the table. I played it off like it was no big deal but I needed to know what was in the box. The information was useful and it actually paid off that my son is nosey and can't keep out of wrapped boxes. I wonder what Aunt Lillian is thinking about her "present".

I got a hold of Mr. Tuxedo right away and he agreed to meet me. I told him what was on the card inside the music box. Duck Ala Nathan Hale, Valley Forge Flapjacks, and Pilgrims Peach Puff. I don't understand what it means and he didn't seem to think it was important even though he said he could run it through his code department, whatever that is. He told me to stay away and that I could screw things up. I was so mad. All I was doing was trying to help him.

Yesterday I was killing two birds with one stone. I was working out and thinking about the three things written on that card. I immediately thought they were recipes, so I started going through Mother's cookbooks and cards and found two of them. Mother said they were from Mrs. Welch's episodes. Mother taped that morning's show because she had a migraine.

She really does get bad migraines.

We sat down and began to watch the episode and the recipe for the day was none other than Pilgrims Peach Puff. Well, I took off right away to call Mr. T. He wasn't answering, and I got worried, so I decided to do a little investigating on my own.

I mean, what could it really hurt.

I took the Cub Scout boys to the local tv station and asked for a transcript of all the shows for the Colonial Cookery Show. I know it wasn't right using the boys as a cover, but it was the only thing I could think of. I compared the days the programs aired, and it was the same days an ag… I mean a coworker of Mr. T's disappeared. I knew it couldn't be a coincidence, could it?

I also knew it was none of my business but Mr. T had a new appointment and I had to help. So, I called Mother, and she came and took the boys home. I headed to where they taped the Cookery show. When I got there, I knew I had to come up with an idea real quick. I was still in my Cub Scout outfit so I went with it. The man I approached was unloading fruit, and I distracted him by knocking over a box of grapefruits. When he looked away, I ran downstairs and hid. I was so scared, but I walked through the dark basement and then I heard a man talking to Mr. T.

I was so relieved he was still alive.

I hid in what I thought was a room but then it started to move. It ended up being one of those elevator things that went up to the next floor. These old colonial houses are full of surprises! I heard voices and looked out the window into the kitchen. I saw the woman from Mr. T's workplace. She looked drugged, and Mrs. Welch and some other woman were grilling her about other employees and appointments. Oh my gosh, she was the leak! Not so perfect now, are you?

I heard a noise and somehow went back out the way I came. When I snuck out of the basement, I saw them escort Mr. T to a helicopter. He had his hands tied behind his back. I had to make a quick decision. I was leaning on a bag of sugar and decided to put some of it in the bad guys' gas tank so they couldn't chase after us. I mean it worked when Phillip did it to Dean's car. After that, I snuck up behind the bad guy who was putting Mr. T into the helicopter. I stuck out my hands like I was holding a gun and yelled, "Freeze!" The man turned around and Mr. T kicked him down, knocking him out. I tried to untie his hands, but they used the Killick Hitch. I thought we were in so much trouble because I couldn't get it untied but Mr. T yelled at me to get into the helicopter.

I ran around and climbed right in. He started barking orders at me and I had to ask why. He said, "because we're flying." I had no idea what I was doing. We kept circling, and they were shooting at us. He kept yelling, "more stick, more throttle". I had no idea what I was doing, and he wasn't even watching. His eyes were closed. Can you believe that? Then he was yelling because I wasn't doing anything right and he had the nerve to stop and complain about my outfit.

Really? That is what you are worrying about right now.

After a while we finally got them to crash and we were able to save the day. Then I realized it was my car they crashed.

I really hope someone's going to pay for all the damages.

Today we went back to his workplace, and I explained everything to his boss. I just rushed through the whole story. His boss was very impressed with me and asked me if I could help again.

He's such a nice man. I was so excited to have a possible job opportunity, I didn't even mind when Mr. T ushered me back upstairs and outside. I am looking for a job after all.

Case notes:

The first time I encountered Mrs. King was at the train station where I was to pass the package off. After an altercation on the platform, I made my way back to the Agency for debriefing where it was discovered Special Agent Guthrie had been killed and the package was not in his possession. Using my civilian eyes and ears network, I was able to determine Mrs. King's home address as well as public places she frequented with her family.

I made contact again at Moby Docks and after a slight misunderstanding, gave Mrs. King my card. We set a meeting for 5:00 the following day at the interagency costume party. I impressed the importance of national security to which Mrs. King reacted as suspected. After further discussion, Mrs. King informed me she did not bring the package with her. In the garage, we were chased by the KGB and after an unfortunate incident; we managed to escape. We made our way to Mrs. King's home where I discovered her mother had mailed the package to Mrs. King's aunt.

Mr. Melrose stated he would not help with the Postmaster General so Mrs. King and I proceeded to the mail sorting center to search for said package. We were interrupted by the local security officer.

After another debriefing at the Agency, Mrs. King and I took a shortcut across the steps of the Jefferson Memorial. Mrs. King is quite persistent with asking personal questions and even went as far as to invite me to her family home for Thanksgiving. She does not fully understand the term 'Loner,' I guess. Somewhere in her delusion, she thought we had become partners in which I clarified she was nothing more than an emergency. Because I was suspended for breaking into the post office, I still needed to figure out how to get my job back and solve the case.

That evening, Jeffries was murdered, and I was reinstated. Mrs. King insisted on meeting again because her son had opened the package and read information on a card inside. At the time, "Duck Ala Nathan Hale, Valley Forge Flapjacks, and Pilgrim's Peach Puff" meant nothing. It was Mrs. King who later discovered the Colonial Cookery and Mrs. Welch were tied to the murders of the agents and our leak. Unfortunately, not knowing this information, I was ambushed and captured. Without any thought to her own safety, Mrs. King arrived at the property. Using some interesting diversion techniques, she managed to find her way into the basement where I was being held. By sheer accident, she discovered Francine Desmond was the agency leak during her cooking sessions with Mrs. Welch.

Mrs. King was instrumental in my escape in the helicopter. The Agency will reimburse Mrs. King for any and all damage to her station wagon after she managed to disable the suspect's vehicle.

A final debriefing at the Agency, Mrs. King gave her long-winded explanation. Mr. Melrose offered Mrs. King an occasional position as a civilian.

Followup with Background check.

-Lee Stetson, Codename: Scarecrow