Chapter 35
The sound of laughter and the stomping of feet announced the return of the children to the house as once again coats, mitts and scarves were strewn across the hallway floor. Lillian and Gabe followed them inside, a look of despair on her face at the mess that had so quickly been created. "I'll sort it", Gabe whispered in her ear as he took a moment to give the back of her neck a soft nuzzle, almost stopping her in her tracks as it sent shivers right through her. "I think I'm going to enjoy having you around", she answered breathlessly, "whatever was I thinking waiting all this time to say yes!"
They watched as the children scrambled over each to get to the warmth of the fire, pink faces glowing from their exertion and excitement as they animatedly shouted out the best bits of their sled rides. Boys argued about whose crash and tumble was the most spectacular while the girls were giggling at the funny things Gabe had told them as he pulled their sled back up to the top. "I think I'm not the only who's going to be happy to have you here. You seem to have quite a fan club starting through there." The warmth of his smile seemed to ignite the air around them and Lillian was glad to see how happy he was.
"I love them, they're all great kids. You and Grace do such a wonderful job of making them feel secure and loved. Promise that you will tell me if I am doing anything the wrong way or creating a problem, I don't want to change what you have here." That he was so worried about this made Lillian love him more, although she knew he would only ever add to the joy and love these children needed. Patting him on the arm as she turned towards the kitchen she said, "Just continue being you Gabe, that is the greatest gift you can give all of us."
Mrs Winters, Grace and Elizabeth had just finished putting away the last of the dishes from lunch, the dining room was now swept and straightened and the smell of apple and blueberry muffins in the oven filled the room with the most heavenly aroma. Cups were set out on trays ready to be filled with hot chocolate and there was a comforting feeling that enveloped Grace as soon as she entered.
The two babies were gurgling happily in their high chairs, speaking to each other in a language only they seemed to understand as they clanged wooden plates together like cymbals in an orchestra. Little Jack sat at the far end of the table, his Mountie horse and wagon set being moved back and forth in front of him as he kept up a dialogue between the two figures.
"Come on Mountie Gabe, we have to hurry to catch the bad man."
"Yes Mountie Nathan, Apollo and I are going as fast as we can. He's not as smart as Newton who everyone in the whole world knows is the best horse."
He paused for a moment, his little face scrunched up, before quickly adding, "but Sargeant is better."
Elizabeth struggled to suppress the giggles that were threatening to escape her lips, moved by how serious his little voice was. She loved how, despite having received so many other presents today, these two were still his favourites. For a moment the idea that her sweet boy may choose to be a Mountie when he grew up made her heart stop but then she thought about the men she loved and admired the most and realised that they all had or still wore the red serge. Her son could do a lot worse than be like any one of them.
Gabe had taken him for a few turns on the sled at the beginning of the play session, knowing that it might get a bit too chaotic to be able to keep an eye on him later. He had ridden down with Little Jack, "to make sure everything was fine" he had said, but Lillian just stared at him with a look that said "be honest", accusing him of just wanting a go himself and jokingly saying how sad he was to use a little boy as an excuse. Somewhat sheepishly and after much protestation Gabe admitted she was right, which made the whole scenario between them even sweeter. Elizabeth was so glad to see these two finally casting aside all their doubts and looking excited about their future together. Another gift to them all this Christmas.
The noise from the children had carried upstairs to where Nathan and Allie had settled into a peaceful mood as she read to him from her book. The way she had of making each character come to life got him thinking that perhaps she was destined to be an actress when she was older. Or maybe a writer, like Elizabeth. Given the choice he knew which he would prefer. He could hear an occasional pause between her words as more sounds of children playing drifted up the stairs and he admired her resolve to continue reading rather than asking to go and join them. He treasured these times together but more importantly he loved seeing her happy with the others and to hear her wonderful laugh ring out above the rest.
"Go", he said, when the next pause came. "Go join your friends. We have lots of time to read together."
She hesitated, feeling as though she was deserting him and watching her face Nathan knew that was exactly what was going through her mind.
"I think Chloe may be missing you by now." When Allie still looked torn he added, "It's easy to think that now we have found out the truth about the fire and closed the case that everything is okay for her and her brothers and sisters but it is going to take a long time for that to happen. They will have many ups and downs, lots more tears, and while today is filled with fun it is the first Christmas since they all lost their parents and at some point that will hit them very hard. So there will be moments of great sadness too."
Allie listened, agreeing with his words but still not sure what she should do. What she could do.
"Chloe will feel that she needs to be strong for the younger ones but someone has to be there for her. You have such a big heart Allie and I think she is going to need that as the evening comes. And then tomorrow, and the day after, and so on. Why don't you go find her, have fun together, and then be ready to help her if it starts to become too much."
Allie understood what her dad was saying. "If you're sure you don't mind being left, I'd like to do that. She was there for me the other night when we were all so worried about you. I know I had all the adults around to comfort me but having someone my own age by my side meant a lot."
Nathan gave her a kiss on the forehead as she bent to hug him, then added as she walked to the door, "I think she's a lot like you, you know. She tries to be strong and act tough but inside is really just one big marshmallow full of love and caring."
She turned and flung herself back at him, almost knocking him sideways off the bed. "That's because I had the best person teach me how to have a big heart. I love you dad."
He smiled, holding her close and whispering, "I love you too Allie-girl." Then letting her go he pointed towards the door, "Now go and have some fun because that will make your old dad very happy. I promise I'll be back downstairs soon to see you."
Bill had finally managed to get Lucas to eat something, even though the food had long gone cold. Pouring the last of the coffee into his cup he wondered if he could leave him for the time it would take to get a fresh pot but the longer he had sat here he was becoming more and more worried about the man. He had let him sleep for a while, although it was fitful as he tossed and turned clearly dreaming of the past and the events that had led to this moment.
Nathan gave him a brief understanding of the relationship between Lucas and Mary, explaining that it was now up to her whether she chose to speak with him or, which was probably more important to Lucas, tell him where he could find Rachael. There was now so much more clarity about the man Lucas was. Bill had always believed he was driven by greed and arrogance, as were so many gamblers he had encountered over the years. Now he found himself on his side, hoping that there would be a satisfying ending to all of this. They all deserved their happy ever afters.
He thought back to a day in the library when Elizabeth had been showing him around all the different sections, or genres as she like to call them. When it came to the romantic novels he had been lost, not recognising any of the authors' names but noting that most of them were women. Right up Nathan's street, he thought at the time, knowing that his friend was quite proud that he was familiar with the works of a number of female authors. The minute he asked Elizabeth what they wrote about he wished he hadn't as she began pulling books from the shelves, going into detail about unrequited love in this one or dislike turning to passion in another. The common theme of them all seemed to be two people struggling to find their way to each other but ending up happy on the last page.
Now he laughed to himself as he put the pairs here together, each of them just now seeming to have reached the point where happiness was within their grasp. Elizabeth and Nathan. Lillian and Gabe. Grace and Chuck, although he knew that one still needed working on. Abigail and himself. They'd all taken different routes to find love, overcome their own obstacles, but gotten there in the end.
Then there was Lucas.
A soft tap on the door made him turn towards the other man to see what reaction, if any, he showed. Lucas nodded and in a quiet voice said, "I'm ready."
Abigail was with Mary, her worried smile telling him that she wasn't sure how this was going to end. He ushered them in, pulling the other chair out from the table so they could sit but Mary remained standing, her eyes taking in the hunched figure of Lucas who had yet to look up. After a minute of silence she moved, taking a few more steps into the room until she stood in front of him, willing him to look at here.
"Hello Lucas".
Finally he raised his head and when she saw the tears in his eyes she crouched down, taking his hands in hers as she softly spoke, like a mother to a child, "Everything is okay. I'm here because I forgave you a long time ago. Now I need you to speak to me so that you can forgive yourself."
Bill slipped out of the door after bring the chair across in front of Lucas so that Mary could sit, sensing that they needed to be close to each other. "I'll bring more coffee", he told Abigail. "They'll probably speak more freely with only you here. It's easy to forget one person in the room but two are a bit more obvious."
She nodded back at him, taking the other seat by the fire and reaching into her pocket for the small bible she had taken the habit of carrying with her. It gave her a sense of peace knowing that at any time she could open it and find comfort from the words within. Opening it to the passage she had been thinking of she wondered if Lucas read the bible. If he ever had. She wanted to be able to tell him that God understood, that he was watching and even if this did not end as he wished then he was still loved.
Her eyes fell on the words of Proverbs 17:9, He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends. She thought about what it meant, translating it in her mind to simpler words. "Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends". She whispered the words to herself. Then she prayed that forgiveness could be found and given by all concerned here and that the bond of friendship would be strengthened by sharing their regrets and sadness over something that happened so long ago. That they would then put it behind them and move on.
Now Mary was leaning closer, patiently waiting for Lucas to gather his thoughts to speak. When he did there was so much humility in his voice, so much pain, that it immediately took her back to the lonely little boy she had known so many years ago. The friendship formed between them all had slowly given him the courage to be himself and she felt sad that once again the key to his happiness lay with others.
"Talk to me Lucas. I'm not here to judge you or seek retribution, I just need to know what happened."
He began then, recounting his frantic dash back from Europe, his misguided belief that his parents were doing what they could to help and then his distress when he arrived to find them gone. How it was easier to believe the lies he was told because that was better than feeling abandoned for no reason. With each word he seemed to gain strength, never letting go of Mary's hands, as though the blood that was pumping through his body was getting its life essence from her. He told her everything, holding nothing back.
When Bill arrived with the coffee he was surprised to see a different Lucas sitting there. A quite belief now seemed to emanate from him, fired by his relief that perhaps there was a way out of this morass he had been in for so long. His voice had taken on a new confidence but anger could be heard lying just below the surface as he began to explain how he had found the messages hidden in his father's study. He stumbled over mention of the letter from Rachael, his voice breaking with the despair he had felt. Then he told her how he had cut all ties with his father and placed restrictions on any contact he had with his mother. Then he had left.
Mary sat in shocked silence, the whole picture suddenly there in front of her. Tears for all the lost time began to trickle down her cheeks, all the hurt and anguish that one man's cruelty could bring felt like knives stabbing at her heart. She had to take a few deep breaths before she could speak, her voice still faltering as she looked at him. "Lucas, I don't blame you for any of this, I think I always knew there was more to it than we were led to believe. I need to speak to Rachael. What she saw as your betrayal cut so deep that I don't know if she will want to revisit any of it. I can only try to explain it to her. She is happy, Lucas. Maybe not in the way you two may have been together, but in herself. If she says no then I won't try to persuade or force her. Can you understand that?"
He nodded, knowing that everything she was saying came from love, for her sister and for him. And if Rachael decided there was no way forward for them then he would accept that. It would be his gift to her, his way of showing his love no matter how much it may break his heart again.