Chapter 4: Magic Bus

Dear Diary,

Oh my gosh! Things started off so normal. Trying to get Phillip off the phone. Trying to keep Jamie from sneaking ice cream. All I wanted was a little help with the laundry. Then he called. Yep, you guessed it. Mr. T called my home and my son answered the phone. He needs to be more careful in the future.

Anyway, he said he needed a favor. For our country. Right before Mother mentioned someone was in the driveway with the RV I was buying. Huh?

Before I knew it, Mr. T was fast talking his way out of an apology and I was stuck with an RV in my driveway that I knew nothing about.

The next morning, I got up at five thirty to make him a lunch which I knew he wouldn't appreciate. Then I heard a noise in the driveway and went to see what was going on. The RV was being moved but it wasn't Mr. T who was driving. I quickly went to call him to let him know the RV was gone.

I ended up going to his office and told them what happened. Then they made me wait for a very long time. I had to interrupt their meeting. I mean, Jamie was sitting in the car and he had goldfish and it was very hot out. If these died as well, I just didn't know what I would tell Jamie. I had to leave.

Later that day I was cleaning out the cupboard of tupperware when Mother surprised me with a suggestion that I was having an affair. Me leaving all times of the day and night. I assured her Dean was the only man in my life. Then it happened. Mr. T popped up outside my kitchen window right behind Mother. She almost saw him when she turned around.

Man, he is going to get me into trouble one of these days.

I snuck outside to talk to him and gave him the riot act. I told him that just because I told him not to call that didn't mean he could just show up at my house. I felt kind of silly since we were both crouched down in the flower bed right under the kitchen window.

Then he informed me we had a job.

Huff, we had a job. I still haven't had any training yet. Bill promised me training.

I accidentally popped up in front of the window and surprised Mother. She looked at me like I was crazy. I really hate sneaking around and lying to her.

Mr. T told me he needed me to go with him to talk to Stan… this guy of interest and he needed me to be his caddy since they are meeting on the golf course.

I don't play golf. All I wanted to do was identify the weasel-face man. He's the one that drove off with the RV.

Anyway, later that day I was embarrassing myself on the golf course. He said I was just going to be his caddy. He never once mentioned that I would have to actually play golf. He also didn't tell me that I was to pose as his photographer. I really wish he would give me all the details so I could prepare for our jobs properly.

After my disastrous game of golf, all he did was complain about how he wasn't able to get the guy of interest to admit anything he needed him to. But I confirmed that he was who Mr T. thought he was. His wife told me and she even invited me to a special retreat they were having last weekend. He was very mad that I got invited and he didn't.

We headed back to his office and all he did was tell me how I wasn't going on this retreat. I kept telling him it would look silly if I didn't go. I mean, I was the one invited and I was the one that can identify the weasel-face man. Mr. T is really getting upset every time I mention him. We finally agreed to let Bill decide, and to his surprise, Bill agreed with me and told him I was going.

The first thing we did at the retreat was a nice long run. You know, it was the first time I saw Mr. T's legs. He had on very short gym shorts. He had the nerve to ask me what I thought of them. I played it off by saying, "not bad", although I enjoyed looking at them very much. He was very impressed with my running. He mentioned that I seemed to be in pretty good shape. I told him I worked out.

Later in the day when we were relaxing and talking, I tried to get some personal information out of him but he wouldn't budge. He kept changing the subject. Then he was talking and all of the sudden I saw him. The weasel-face man standing behind Mr. T with a gun.

They took us in the RV to Donahue Dam. They planned to blow it up. We were tied to the grill of a jeep and would you believe that man kept grabbing things he wasn't supposed to instead of loosening the knots? I kept telling him to "watch his hands" but all he could do was mess up the progress I was making. I'm not sure what made him think of it but he kicked the headlight to break the glass and we managed to get a big piece and cut through the ropes.

When the bad guys came back, Mr. T attacked them and got their gun and went to the side of the RV. I tried to get someone on the CB radio then all of the sudden I heard a bunch of shooting. I heard him call for me so I ran to the side of the RV and got in. Mr. T was shot in the leg and told me to "leave him". How crazy is that?

I got the RV started and drove while he used the crazy gadgets to help us escape the bad guys.

I took off down the road and there was something set to go off in a few minutes and we couldn't get it turned off. I went around the corner and noticed the Army was there to help us. Boy was I wrong. They started shooting at us. Why were they shooting at us?

I kept driving the best I could when all of the sudden I turned around the corner and there was a tank right in front of me. I tried to get out but the door was locked. We were in big trouble and we couldn't get the thing turned off. Then I saw Bill show up and I tried to get his attention. He saw us at the last second. Finally, I heard Mr. T stop the "thing" from going off and I saw Bill and the nose job woman open the door to the RV.

After everything was over, I was wrapping Mr. T's leg with a bandage. Thank goodness, it was just a scratch and nothing serious. He actually gave me credit for my driving skills. However, I needed to hear him say something nice about my part in our job. He actually said that my driving skills were not bad. He is so petty.

Case Notes/1st Journal entry:

This case began with a demonstration of the newest tactile device supported by the Arms Procreations Committee called the TWU (Total Weaponary Unit), codename Vigilant. It was a fully computerized fortress on tires disguised as a recreational vehicle.

Despite my ideas of having the Vigilant shipped by air, I was assigned to drive it to Arizona. I tried to point out all the security issues however, it was Billy's brilliant idea to have it leave from Mrs. King's neighborhood as it was the most unassuming place and hopefully the last place anyone would think to look for an assault vehicle.

Early the next morning, we had agents stationed outside of Mrs. King's home who were compromised. Mrs. King called to tell us the vehicle had been stolen from her driveway. Congressman Freedmont received a ransom message from an extremist group called The Survivors saying we had 72 hours to trade two extremists, Gertrude and Gary Gardner, codenamed the Stewed Tomato Two.

To my dismay, Mrs. King interrupted our meeting to inform us her son was in the car with some fish. I wish she had just given her report and left immediately but clearly that didn't happen.

After the meeting, Billy suggested we enlist Mrs. King again to help identify the man who stole the Vigilant. We were to meet Gordon Standish and his wife at the country club. Gordon Standish had ties to The Survivors via the newsletter America Alert. After explaining I had done some investigating and found a link between Standish and The Survivors, I managed to arrange the meeting.

I would be posing as reporter Brad Brown for Success Magazine and Mrs. King as my photographer. Despite her awkwardness and unprofessionalism, somehow Mrs. King managed to obtain an invitation to the survivalist weekend. Mrs. King and I returned to the Agency to report to Billy who insisted she would be going on the retreat.

We met up with the group and began the day with a run through the woods. During a rest moment, Mrs. King and I exchanged some personal workout tips before continuing with the group activities. Later, Mrs. King persisted asking questions, distracting both of us until we were captured by "the weasel-face man" and another survivor.

We were taken to a viewpoint for Donahue Dam in the Vigilant. We were tied up and while Standish and his buddies were inside, we managed to break a headlight to use the plastic to cut through the ropes. Mrs. King acted as a decoy while I ambushed two of our captives. While Mrs. King attempted to reach someone on the CB radio, I exchanged gunfire, receiving a flesh wound on my right leg. Mrs. King dragged me into the bus, saving me. For once I was glad she never listened to me.

Mrs. King drove the Vigilant while I used the weaponry on it to disable the jeep. I ordered Mrs. King to drive as far out into the country as possible as we discovered the weapons were set to fire in less than six minutes. We encountered military vehicles which we had to use the fire hose to assist us in escaping. We were stopped by a tank as well as several other military vehicles. The interior doors were sealed so we were not able to exit the vehicle. I was able to finally disable the launch of the missiles at the last second.

Francine informed us Standish and his accomplice, Holt, were taken into custody. She also complimented my driving skills but I had to admit I wasn't driving and it was all Mrs. King. I also have to admit, Mrs. King's work on both the case and her first aid skills was not bad.

-Lee Stetson, Codename: Scarecrow.