Many thanks to my wonderful beta reader Nan P. (nanciellen)
PPP
In the first days of April, Darcy received an express from his steward with the shocking news of Lady Victoria's suicide, accompanied by a letter that she had written.
25th March 1813
Scotland
Dear Mr. Darcy,
I don't know exactly why I am writing this letter; perhaps it is simply as a confession of sins that those sentenced to death make to a priest hoping to be absolved.
By the time you receive this letter, I will probably already be dead. My father, Lord Matlock, Edward, Frederick, and you, took it upon themselves to destroy my life and my dreams.
I am aware that I was wrong to fall in love and give myself completely to your cousin, but is it fair that I have had to pay for the rest of my life for an error in judgment?
Unfortunately, we were just two pawns in my father and Lord Matlock's scheme. With my dowry, my father was able to pay most of his large debts, particularly the £20,000 he owed to your uncle.
I know you married me because you were manipulated and tricked. In hindsight, I should never have deceived you and taken advantage of you. But the only other option was marrying an abusive man several years my senior. I didn't think clearly about our lack of common interests and the lack of amusements at Pemberley.
You probably cannot understand what it meant to me, to be totally at the mercy of both a father and then a husband who cared so very little for my happiness.
Unfortunately, on our wedding night, you discovered my secret, and, my fate was sealed. The nights you visited my bed-chamber were nights of agony; you never even looked at me or cared about my comfort. Was it too much to ask that, in this most private act, you treat me with tenderness?
I know that you love another woman named Elizabeth. You may wonder how I know about her; the answer is sad and simple. One night, the connecting door of our bedchambers was open and, in your dreams, you said, "Oh Elizabeth, forgive me, I love you."
Then, I understood that your heart belonged to another, who you could not forget. I wonder, who is she? If you loved her so much, why did you court me and not her?
At the loneliest and saddest moment of my life, Frederick Swan appeared. He was very attentive to me, he made me laugh and feel beautiful and wanted. During these last isolated months, I had concluded that if you had treated me with affection, I would never have sought solace outside of marriage. I know, it is not an excuse for my behaviour, and I understand you were not willing to take the risk of another man's child to inherit Pemberley.
However, believe me or not, the child I was expecting was yours. I only laid with Frederick after I was sure I was pregnant. Unfortunately, it was not meant to be, since a month ago, I had a miscarriage, which was the only thing that had kept me alive and excited.
My parents and everyone I know have disowned me. They have left me alone, humiliated, and helpless. My life has become a nightmare for which five men and my great mistakes have been responsible. Unfortunately, death is the only way out.
Lady Victoria.
After reading Lady Victoria's letter, Darcy was shocked and sad. Although he had despised her, he never wished for her death or for her to commit suicide. He immediately left for Scotland to at least give his wife a decent burial.
As the days went by, shock gave way to remorse and, ultimately, guilt. Despite the lies, manipulations and betrayal, he realized that he had been a hypocrite. In his vows, he had sworn before God to love and respect her. He thought about Georgiana, and what would have happened if his sister had given her virtue to Wickham. Shamefully, he realized that in this situation, he would have gone to great lengths to protect his sister's reputation.
He understood that it was unfair for a woman to have to pay with her life for her mistakes. Lady Victoria was not a good woman; but he had not been a good husband in every way. Even before they were married, he had sought out the woman he loved and insulted her. He thought he was doing Elizabeth a favour offering his protection and saving her from a terrible fate! What a scoundrel he was!
News and gossip of Lady Victoria's death spread rapidly through London. Some said that her lover had murdered her, others said that Darcy had killed her, and others claimed that it was all a lie to avoid a divorce. To mitigate the negative effect of gossip, Lady Matlock spread the rumour that she had died of consumption in the country, and that Darcy was grieving his wife.