Finally the day came when the Potentials were moved out of Buffy's house and into the former Chase Mansion and Buffy didn't even care that in the wake of their departure it meant that everything needed a good cleaning. She made a list and began working through it. It was keeping her busy and gave her time to think over recent conversations and what she'd read in the Chronicles. As she vacuumed the carpet throughout the house she thought about Liam of Galway.
'Son of a silk and linen merchant, according to the Chronicles.' She thought. 'Money, a nice home, educated. A demanding father, not sure what that means. Demanding how? What did he demand? Was Liam supposed to learn the family business or behave a certain way to make his father happy? Either Liam didn't want to or his father was never happy since the Chronicles say Liam spent all his time getting drunk and passing out in the street.' Buffy put away the vacuum after the carpet had been cleaned. 'That's not all the Chronicles say he did. They say he spent a lot of time seducing women. Alot of woman according to the Chronicles. A bounder, a cad, a professional seducer. But that's not Angel!'
As she cleaned the bathroom her thoughts moved to Angelus. 'Sired by Darla. Monster. Tortured people, alot of people. Killed Liam's village and family. Carved crosses on people. For a century and half. Scourge of Europe. Nuns, alot nuns, what's with the nuns? Drusilla apparently wanted to be a nun. Tortured her by torturing and killing her family first. But that's not Angel! So why does Emma think Angel is a conglomeration of Liam and Angelus?'
And as she cleaned the kitchen, she thought about Angel. 'Why does Xander think he's a coward? Angel saved me, he killed Darla to protect me, he showed Xander the way to the Master's lair. He helped me fight the Three and that Tarakan assassin, the one with one eye missing and the big scar. The reptile demon Cordelia and I were going to be sacrificed to, Xander got him and Giles and they saved us and I killed the demon. He found the Pergamum Codex, it's not his fault it had a prophecy about me in it. Angel loves me, I know he does. And Angel isn't Liam or Angelus. So why does Emma think he is?'
"Emma, why do you think Angel is a combination of Liam and Angelus?" She finally called Emma and asked her.
"All of this time as a Slayer Buffy and you never learned how vampires are made?" Emma asked.
"I know how a vampire is made, a vampire drains a human and then gives the human their blood. Anywhere from one to three days later a new vampires arises."
"That's the physical mechanism, Buffy. Beyond that, a demon moves into the dead body. It knows nothing of the world it's now apart of. Everything that informs the vampire comes from the human mind. The demon gets the human's knowledge and their personality. But there's no soul, no morality and being a demon, it's all want, take, have, kill, torture, destroy. It becomes the literal dark side of the human. And it grows from there. And then in the case of Angel, the soul is added back in and now he has the capacity to tell right from wrong. But that's the only thing that's changed. Angel can recognize that Angelus' behavior was evil. But aside from recognizing that fact and deciding not to kill or torture people anymore, nothing else changes."
"But Angel and Angelus were very different people!"
"Angelus was driven insane being jailed by the soul. Just like Spike was for awhile. And Liam was raised Catholic, so Angel punished himself for Angelus' crimes. But he never did anything to try to balance them. Because the soul is the same thing as the chip Spike had. A leash, causing pain. But that's all it does. It didn't make him a better person, because he didn't want to be good. He still doesn't. Like Spike, he wants to be free of pain."
"But he did, he helped me! And Spike got better!"
"Not nearly as much as you think, Buffy and not nearly as much as he could have. A whole year spent watching you and doing nothing to help you. And Spike accepted that he's a monster, soul or no soul and saw no reason to punish himself."
"Why does Xander think he's a coward?"
"Why don't you ask him yourself? Or are you afraid of the answer?"
"I'm not afraid, because he's not a coward."
"Are you really sure about that, Buffy? Because if you go down this road, if you ask Xander why he thinks Angel is a coward, he will tell you. He will tell you everything he could have used to try to turn you against Angel. He told you what he thought of you dating a vampire in general, but he never told you why he personally hates Angel. He has good reason, Buffy."
"What could Angel have done that was so bad that makes Xander hate him and think he's a coward?"
"Nothing, he did nothing."
"I don't understand, that's not a reason to hate him."
"No, Buffy. It's a very good reason to hate him. But it's only one reason, Xander had another and it's equally as good a reason to hate Angel."
"Jealousy?"
"No, not jealousy. As much as you want to believe Xander is jealous of Angel, he's not. Xander gave up on you a long time ago, Buffy."
"If Xander gave up on me, why is he still here helping me?"
"You want to see Angel as perfect, a hero. Problem is, he's not. Neither are you. Xander knows you're not perfect and acknowledges your flaws. And no matter how badly you screw up or make really stupid decisions, you still try. That's why you're his hero."