Xander walked over to his refrigerator and pulled out two pops, he handed one to Buffy and popped the tab on the other and took a swallow.

Buffy shakily pulled a chair from Xander's dining room table and sat down. Popping the top on her own can, she took a drink.

"Just like that Thanksgiving the first year we were in college when he came to Sunnydale because his friend had a vision that I was in trouble. He didn't help then either, just watched." Buffy said softly. "I thought it was a one time thing, you're saying it went on for three years?"

"Yes."

"And you didn't say anything."

"You wouldn't have believed me and I would have just gotten more accusations of jealousy from you. You wanted to believe what you wanted to believe. The evidence was always there, right in front of you, all you ever had to do was look. He was always close enough where if you'd just looked you'd have seen him."

"I couldn't sense him. Emma thinks he did it on purpose, stayed just at the edge of my range to tease my senses but not really register."

"Probably. Like I said, doing nothing while claiming he wanted to help wasn't even the worst thing he did. It was just the first thing."

Buffy closed her eyes and sighed. "What else did he do, Xander?" She asked.

"Well, I could complain about the two times I nearly died because of Angel. Angel, not Angelus. But hey, you and Willow have tried to kill me too and it's not like either of you have ever apologized, so why would I expect him to. No, him nearly killing me ranks low on the list."

"Just tell me all of it, Xander."

"You're sure about that? You really ready to hear the truth?"

"Yes, I am."

"Do you know why I can't forgive Willow for what she's done? Why I ended our friendship?"

"No, I don't. What she did was terrible, but you forgave her for trying to kill you and not to mention, trying to destroy the world. So why can't you forgive her for the rest?"

"Besides the fact that she's not sorry for it or apologized for anything? Confessing isn't the same thing, by the way. That's just admitting what you've done. The one and only time she apologized was after the my will be done spell and she made guilt cookies to relieve her guilt."

"What about when she came back from England?"

"That was embarrassment, Buffy. Not guilt, not remorse, just embarrassment."

"Okay, I get that. You're right, she hasn't apologized. But forgiveness is something else."

"You're right, it is. I grew up abused, Buffy. So did Faith. So did Tara. Victims of our parents. Willow was aware that I was abused, she probably had at least an inkling that Faith was too. And she damn well knew Tara was abused. Didn't stop her from mind raping us all and influencing others. Worse, she didn't just rape Tara's mind, she raped her body. While Tara was under the influence of that memory spell Willow cast on her, she had sex with her. Do you think that qualifies as informed consent?"

"No, it probably doesn't. What does it have to do with Angel?"

"Willow was an addict, addicted to Magic and power. And she was an abuser. I've lived in fear that I would become an abuser myself, Buffy. Like my father. Do you know the odds of an abused child becoming an abuser themselves? Anywhere from thirty to forty percent. Willow knew I was abused, she knew I was a victim. She knew Tara was abused, she knew she was a victim. She abused us and made us victims again. She made us helpless again. No, forgiving her isn't in the cards. She made all of us her victims at one time or another and she never asks for forgiveness."

"Angel stalked me, does that qualify as abuse?"

"Now you're starting to ask the right questions, Buffy. And it does feed in to it. What Angel did goes beyond that. He made you an addict. He'd give you a taste of vampire, tease you. He manipulated you, he acted like he loved you, but did nothing good for you. Your relationship was never healthy, Buffy. And if I'd have said anything you'd have hated me for it and not believed me anyway. Even now you defend him. He hasn't been apart of your life for four years. He left because he decided it was time to move on. And still he teases you with a taste. He keeps you addicted. Spike was a substitute, that fed into your addiction. And he knew it. He just wanted the prime position."

"If Angel was so bad for me, why did Giles and my mother not do anything about him?"

"Another good question. Joyce loved you, sometimes I think you treated her like crap, but she loved you. And you loved her. As for Giles, you wanted him to replace your father and he wanted to do his job. Aside from research, he did a piss poor job. Faith said you're a spoiled brat because of him and his indulgences. She's right."

"Gee, thanks."

"You wanted honesty. I hate Angel because he's a coward that did nothing. I despise him because he broke you. I admire you because you keep trying even when you fuck up. Willow was an addict and abuser who couldn't and wouldn't stop. Even after she admitted she was an addict. Jean said, you can't be helped if you won't admit you need help. It's time to admit you need help."