TW: Language, psychological abuse
Chapter 8: Crumbling
"Kinnosuke~ One more order of rice over here!" said a cheerful blonde.
"Yes! Coming right up" replied an enthusiastic chef.
It was a busy evening in the restaurant for Ikezawa Kinnosuke and his wife, Christine "Chris" Robbins. The two had been working all day, serving customers until the late hours of the night.
Chris and Kinnosuke have been married for a couple of years at this point, after a fairly short "dating" period, and a rather long pining period, similar to that of Kotoko and Naoki.
Chris and Kotoko formed a friendship shortly after her engagement to Naoki had ended. The two of them bonded over the fact that they were in love with men who didn't love them back.
The two women were both hopeless romantics.
Like recognizes like.
They have experienced similar hurts when it came to their love lives. However, they did not exactly share the same fate.
Much like Kotoko, Chris chased and chased after her object of affection who at first did not reciprocate.
While Kinnosuke was a romantic, he was still healing from years of unrequited love when Chris popped into the picture.
He was not completely ready to open his heart to someone new just yet. Chris was so bold and open about her love for him. He wasn't used to it. He didn't know what to do about it. He felt unworthy of it.
So he acted in ways which hurt her.
Chris was patient. Perhaps more patient than she should have been. While she loved him and felt like he was worth the wait, she also felt hurt by the pain of unrequited love. It didn't seem like she was hurt. She seemed overjoyed when Kinnosuke finally returned her feelings. And she was hurt by the constant rejection. Even if she didn't want to admit it.
When she was still trying to "win" Kinnosuke over, she tried to put on a front and appear cheerful, in hopes that he would eventually come around. She wanted to be happy and find love, just like Kotoko did.
But he loved someone else.
It hurt. It felt unfair. She could have released herself from this emotional burden by letting him go. But she stayed. He was the man of her dreams.
Kinnosuke, unlike Naoki, recognized the emotional burden of waiting for someone. Once he had gotten himself together, healed from his hurt and became aware of how he was hurting the people who were ready to love him, Kinnosuke did the noble and respectable thing and actually apologized for his outbursts and emotional unavailability. He then promised to give Chris the fairytale wedding she had always wanted, and he delivered on his promise.
Their relationship had grown into something very fulfilling for the both of them. Once he worked through his fears, Kinnosuke has become a great husband to Chris. He was caring and affectionate. He started to express his affections out loud and without hesitation once again, this time to someone who was receptive to it.
What happened was that he realized that he didn't want to live the rest of his life as a bitter and jaded man. He also did not want to be cold and uncaring to a woman he loved, and was ready to love him. He knew how much it hurt to be on the other end of that treatment.
Despite being a bit goofy and sometimes overly passionate, he was still a man of honor and principle. He had to do right by his loved ones. He had vowed to do so the minute he had been put down and disrespected by "The Great Irie Naoki" one too many times.
Kinnosuke knew that man had something Kotoko wanted. Irie Naoki was a man who was respected by his classmates, his peers, and everyone else. He understood that in the eyes of his classmates, there was a clear distinction between himself and Naoki.
But Naoki was a jerk. So…Did it really matter? Why was he worth respecting? Why did all that stuff he had matter?
Kinnosuke didn't get it. In fact, after living his own life for a while, doing what he loved and was passionate about, and only associating with people who appreciated him, he began to see Naoki as a rather pitiful creature. Despite what other people thought.
That man didn't know love.
People "loved" and respected Irie Naoki, but Naoki didn't have the capacity to appreciate it.
They loved him for his looks, status, and "unattainable" quality.
It seemed as though someone like Kinnosuke shouldn't have been able to be happy with himself. He wasn't "allowed" to be. Neither was Kotoko, according to the same people. Nevertheless, he still continued to find reasons to enjoy life. He owed it to himself. He deserved it, for no other reason than that he was a human being with the right to do so.
Those people who valued status more than anything else didn't deserve his time or attention.
Kinnosuke had his own good attributes. He was a talented chef. He cared about the people around him. He was a good friend and knew how to think for himself.
He was good. He was enough.
After reaching this conclusion, Kinnosuke quickly got himself together and fully embraced his new life. He moved ahead at full speed and never looked back. He and Chris, who had his whole heart, opened a restaurant together, and were planning to have a family. They were happy.
Chris, Kinnosuke and Kotoko were still good friends, but they did not see each other as often as they used to. Part of the reason for that is that they each had their own busy lives. They were beginning to drift apart. Kotoko felt bad about it, so she promised to pay them a visit. She was planning on going to their restaurant after her date with Naoki. She was looking forward to it.
Chris was also looking forward to seeing Kotoko and catching up with her. She wanted to introduce her to a friend who had arrived from London a few days back, and had been staying at Chris and Kin's house during her stay in Japan.
"Here is your room key. If you need anything, please don't hesitate to call the front desk. Enjoy your stay!" said the lady at the front desk, as she handed Naoki the key to the hotel suite.
"Thank you," said Naoki as he took the key. "Let's go, Kotoko," he said.
"Okay!" Kotoko replied.
Naoki and Kotoko were finally on their "couple's trip", and they decided to check in at the hotel before going to see a musical.
Kotoko was ecstatic. She was beyond excited. She couldn't wait to spend time with Naoki, to do things they haven't done together yet, and to hopefully have a conversation with him about how they were going to move ahead and fix their relationship.
It felt as though everything was falling into place.
Maybe she could tell him about her newfound passion too. She felt bad about hiding it from him.
Surely he would be supportive of it.
I wonder what he would think about it.
I'm sure he'll think it's cool. Especially since I enjoy it so much.
He wants me to be happy, and he wants this to work, so of course he'd be happy for me!
So many thoughts were racing through Kotoko's head, but for once, she didn't mind. They were happy thoughts. Thoughts of the future. Thoughts of all the stuff that could go right for her and Naoki.
Kotoko thought back to the moment when Naoki suggested they try to fix their relationship.
I was thinking about things, and I realized that you're right. Things shouldn't be this way. I think it's time we fixed our relationship.
When she heard those words from him, she felt so seen.
It was gonna be him and her against everyone else from now on. She no longer had to feel alone. And she had felt alone for so long. She could no longer bear the judgment and snide remarks from her coworkers, as well as the pitying looks from her nursing friends.
And she was especially done with the taunting remarks from Youko.
Others had no right to speculate on their marriage. She and Naoki would show everyone that they were happy and strong as a couple.
And then they'll shut up for good!
Kotoko stood excitedly behind her husband as he opened the door to their suite. Her eyes lit up as the door was opened and she saw the inside.
It was beautiful.
She felt like she was on her honeymoon for the first time. She was so excited to spend the night with a man she had slept next to for years.
Kotoko and Naoki walked inside the suite and placed their bags near the door. They still had about an hour before the musical was going to start, and the theater was only a five minute walk from the hotel, so Kotoko took the opportunity to enjoy the suite and freshen up. She pulled back the curtains which were hiding the gorgeous view of the resort.
Shortly after, Naoki joined her in her viewing.
Kotoko smiled when she saw her husband stand next to her by the window. Naoki turned his head toward her and their eyes met. They stared at each other for a moment. Suddenly, Kotoko got shy and looked away. She didn't know what to say to him.
"I-I'm…gonna check what time the musical is gonna start. Don't wanna miss the show!" she said suddenly as she went and sat on the bed. She pulled out her phone and stared at her lock screen, not wanting to make eye contact with her husband. She didn't know why she felt nervous all of a sudden.
Like…It was her husband of years, and her love for a long time.
What she was feeling in that moment was similar to how she felt before giving Naoki her love letter all those years ago.
It was the nerves, the excitement, the anticipation, the giddiness as well as the fear of a poor outcome all in one cocktail of emotion.
As far as outcomes go…Kotoko did not have the best track record. Things have always had a way of turning out badly and embarrassingly for her.
Not this time though. Things were going to turn out well. They had to. It was all gonna be fine.
No longer wanting to spend any more time thinking about what could go wrong, Kotoko decided to get herself together. She got up and let out a quiet but determined "okay!"
Naoki observed his wife who had left his side a few moments before.
"She seems happy", he thought to himself.
Naoki, like Kotoko, also felt that things were finally "falling into place". He had been feeling a horrible discomfort for a while now, and he desperately wanted it to be over. He wanted things to go back to normal too.
But what did "normal" mean to him?
After all, it's not like Kotoko had been particularly calm or "secure" before their current state. So what did normal mean?
As long as things go according to plan then I won't have to concern myself with such quest-
Naoki's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing. He told Kotoko he needed to take a work-related call outside the room for a few minutes, and quickly made his way outside the room. Kotoko didn't question it, and took it as a chance to make a phone call of her own.
Once she found the contact and pressed "call", she waited for what felt like an eternity before she was answered.
"Ah, hey Kotoko! What's up?" said Yumi from the other end.
"Hey Yumi-san, uhhh…Watcha doin?" Kotoko said.
"I'm getting ready to pick Asami up from piano class," said Yumi, "Is everything okay? How are you? How's your getaway been so far?"
"It's great! I mean, it's fine. I'm fine! The hotel is beautiful, like I mean the view is so great and panoramic, and I wish you could've seen the resort…" said Kotoko as she rambled on and on about random unimportant stuff.
Yumi could sense that Kotoko was rambling out of nervousness. She wanted to help her get to the point.
"It seems like you're having fun then. I'm glad to hear that. Sooooo…Any breakthroughs?" asked Yumi.
Kotoko, grateful for Yumi's attempt to get to the point, sat back down on the bed and said, "Uh, so…Nothing so far. But honestly we just got here! We're staying until tomorrow afternoon, so I'm hoping we'll get somewhere by then."
"I see," replied Yumi.
"Yeah", said Kotoko, "I think what's gonna happen is that he will talk to Youko and set the record straight. Hopefully she listens. It would be really awkward if we had to bring our parents into this. Our families hang around each other a lot."
"Yeah that would be totally awkward," said Yumi.
"Right? I think it'll be fine as long as he doesn't beat around the bush. Then there's the hospital. I mean, the rumors have been flying around and it's getting crazy. We'll have to shut that down next" Kotoko said.
"Sounds like a solid plan," said Yumi.
"I think so too," replied Kotoko, "I really hope it goes well."
"You got this, Kotoko!"
"Thanks, Yumi-san!".
"And I'm gonna say this to you because I care…Please protect yourself."
"Thank you…And I will. Don't worry. I know now that my happiness matters too. I'll be okay, Yumi-san" said Kotoko.
Yumi sighed in relief and said, "Alright then. All the best. Let me know how it goes."
"Alright, bye" replied Kotoko.
Kotoko ended the call feeling energized and more confident than she was earlier.
Today was gonna be a great day!
Kotoko and Naoki went to a nice restaurant for dinner after the musical, which Kotoko loved and had a great time seeing. She thoroughly enjoyed the show, and was fully immersed in the experience.
Naoki…Was his usual self. He wasn't really a fan of the dramatic arts, or music in general. But he didn't hate it either. He went because it was what Kotoko had wanted to do for a while.
"Irie-kun! Doesn't this parfait look delicious?" Kotoko said as she looked at the menu in front of her.
Naoki seemed distracted. He appeared to be texting someone on his phone.
"Irie-kun?" said Kotoko, trying to get his attention.
"What? Oh, yeah" replied Naoki, as he looked back down on his phone.
Kotoko noticed that Naoki was distracted, but she didn't mind it too much. She just shrugged her shoulders and continued looking at the dessert menu.
Kotoko was so happy. She was on a high and it felt like nothing on this earth could bring her down. She looked across the table at her soulmate. She gazed at him lovingly.
Things were looking up, and it felt like her life was heading in a different direction than she had planned, in the best of ways. She had really thought for a while that her marriage was going to be destroyed. But it was fine now, because everything was going to be okay. Her husband was stepping up to fix things. To save them.
This was amazing.
It was amazing because she finally felt comfortable around him again. Happy with him. In love with him.
It's because he had shown her that he got it. He knew that there was a problem. He understood that there was an issue.
And that meant that he got it.
Kotoko didn't feel alone anymore. She no longer felt like she was floating around in space with nothing to ground her. She had her husband back. Her anchor. Her parachute.
Her Irie-kun.
Kotoko held tightly onto Naoki's arm as they walked back to the hotel after their meal. It was dark outside, but the area was illuminated by pretty and bright lights which helped guide them toward their destination.
On their way back to the hotel, they came across a small playground.
Despite the fact that it was late and dark outside, there were quite a few kids playing around while their parents sat by and made sure their kids didn't hurt themselves.
One of the kids started running away from where their parents could see them, and ended up bumping into Kotoko.
"Ow! Sorry…" said an adorable young girl as she rubbed her forehead. She had long red-brown hair in pigtails, and looked to be about six or seven. She kind of resembled a young Kotoko.
"Nami-chan! What are you doing? Don't even run away like that again!" said a tall woman with short blond hair. She ran after her daughter and picked her up.
"I'm sorry about that," said the lady to Kotoko.
"It's okay, it's okay," said Kotoko, "It was an accident. She was just playing around. No worries at all", said Kotoko.
The lady smiled and replied, "I see, well, good day!". The lady walked away and met who appeared to be the child's father near the slides. The father smiled as he took his daughter from her mother into his arms.
Kotoko couldn't help but stare at the couple and their daughter. They seemed so happy.
Naoki noticed the look on Kotoko's face.
"Should we continue?" said Naoki.
Kotoko snapped out of the trance she was in and said, "yeah, let's go".
As they continued their walk home, Naoki chucked and said, "She kind of looks like you, doesn't she? That little girl."
"Y-yeah, she does…" Kotoko replied as she blushed.
Kotoko and Naoki continued their journey back to the hotel and walked further away from the playground. Kotoko looked back at the family once more.
That seems nice…
"Checkmate" said Naoki, who had won yet another game of chess. He leaned back in his chair and stretched his arms.
"I'm gonna go to the bathroom," he said as he got up and left Kotoko, who laughed sheepishly as she took yet another loss.
Kotoko and Naoki had been trying out different games from the board game selection at their suite. There were so many different types of games. Some were long and complicated, and some were shorter and more straight forward.
And some were…a bit too, um, adult.
So they settled on chess.
Kotoko didn't expect to win at all. All she cared about was spending time with Naoki.
After another half hour of playing, Kotoko lost interest and went to turn on the TV. She laid down on the large bed with her head resting on the ever so fluffy hotel pillow. Naoki laid down next to her as she flipped through the options on the TV. Nothing was looking good so they put on some random romantic comedy in the background as they talked.
Kotoko turned her head to face her husband. He looked back at her, and the two were silent for a moment.
She was thinking of maybe possibly finally telling him about her interior decorating and how she's been on a roll for some time.
She decided to break the silence first. And then hopefully the conversation could lead to her telling Naoki about her other life.
"So…", she began, "it's been a while since we were together like this, hasn't it?".
"Ah," Naoki replied with a slight smile.
Kotoko didn't know what else to say. She blushed as she tried to fill the silence once again.
"Neither one of us really want to watch this movie right, hehehe, let me put something el-"
"Did your hair grow longer?" Naoki interrupted as he brushed his hand through Kotoko's hair, his fingers tangling in its soft strands.
Kotoko flushed as she was caught off guard by the comment. He noticed the little things but didn't always say it out loud.
"Ahaha…I guess it did," she said as she flushed, "Uh, Irie-kun…"
"Hmm?" Naoki said.
"Um…" Kotoko said as she struggled to find the words to say, "well…uh, how did you like the musical?"
She mentally kicked herself. That's not what she wanted to say.
Really Kotoko?
"It was alright, I guess", he said, "what's more important is that it's what you wanted to do"
"Yeah…" said Kotoko as she flushed, "It was. But what I really wanted was just to spend time with you-"
"Kotoko," said Naoki suddenly.
Kotoko was caught off guard.
"W-what is it, Irie-kun?" she asked.
"Let's…Do better from now on. Together. Okay?" he said, a tender smile playing on his lips.
"Yeah" said Kotoko as she nodded, "I'm sorry for doubting you cared! I'll never do that again."
"I told you, remember? I'm the one who needs you" Naoki said as he lightly patted her on the head.
Kotoko blushed. It was moments like this when she truly felt like she was the only girl in the world. Kotoko gazed into his eyes.
He's so handsome…
She was so glad she didn't give up on him. This was where she was meant to be. With him. By his side. Always and forever.
She giggled at herself for entertaining the idea of a business. That's not what she was meant for. She would still decorate for fun, but she wouldn't want to spend too much time away from Naoki.
How silly of me...
Irie took note of her amusement and asked, "What is it?"
"Oh! Nothing, hehehe…" Kotoko replied, flustered.
Kotoko felt a bit guilty for thinking about a life spent away from his side. She wanted to spend her free moments with him. She was very optimistic about the future.
Maybe now the people at the hospital would see that they were happy. Maybe now things will go back to the way they used to be.
And maybe she will finally go away.
They could also finally start a family. The one Kotoko had wanted for a while.
Kotoko hoped Naoki wanted that too. She wanted to bring it up.
He beat her to it.
"So, Kotoko," Naoki began as he smoothed her hair, "what do you think…about having children?"
Kotoko's eyes widened.
"Irie-kun…" Kotoko beamed, "are you saying…"
"Yeah. I think it's about time," Naoki said.
Kotoko and Naoki had never really sat down and had a serious discussion about what their future would look like. They haven't considered whether or not they would always live with their parents, and they've definitely not made any serious plans to have kids and raise them.
Everything with regards to their relationship was always so…unexpected and unplanned. So spontaneous.
The two had never really talked about having children.
Kotoko's number one desire in life was to be with the man she loved. Everything else was secondary. The thought of having a kid seemed like a fantasy. Even now.
Still, the thought of having kids with Naoki brought Kotoko so much joy. She couldn't wait to experience the next stage of their lives together. Whatever that may bring.
Kotoko felt Naoki cup her cheek with his hand. She looked into his eyes. He was practically staring into her soul. Her heart was pounding.
"Um, Irie-kun...Is…This okay with you?" asked Kotoko, "Is this what you want? Do you want this with me?"
"Have I ever given you a reason to doubt me?" said Naoki with a soft voice, as he gazed into her eyes in the dimly lit hotel room.
Naoki reached out, his fingertips grazing Kotoko's cheek, sending shivers down her spine. Before she could even react, Naoki closed the distance between them and kissed her. Kotoko melted into the kiss and forgot about everything else. All her doubts disappeared, and were replaced by a sense of overwhelming love and longing.
Kotoko wanted this. She wanted it with Naoki. So she let her guard down. She forgot about everyone and everything else.
The mood was right. Then the lights were off.
…And so were their clothes.
The morning after was quite blissful for Kotoko. She woke up in the warm embrace of her husband, who woke up not too long after her. The two lay together in peaceful silence before deciding to start their day.
Kotoko and Naoki wanted to enjoy the resort for their last morning on their couples trip. They would leave at noon, get home a couple of hours later, and then hopefully Kotoko would meet Chris and Kinnosuke for dinner later that evening.
Kotoko decided to make some coffee, her specialty, as Naoki was showering.
As the coffee began to brew, Kotoko took a moment to appreciate the gorgeous view of the outside once again. She peeled back the curtains and admired the beautiful ocean which stretched out endlessly.
The day was so clear, and everyone looked so happy.
The weather will be great too…
"Kotoko" said a familiar tall figure, "what are you doing?" he asked.
It was Naoki, who had just gotten out of the shower. He sat at the table and dried his wet hair with a towel.
Kotoko turned to face him, a cheerful smile lighting up her face. "Making coffee! Here's your cup" she said, as she handed him the delicate porcelain cup with the piping hot source of caffeine.
"Thank you", replied Naoki. He quietly took a sip and relaxed into his chair, as he also appreciated the view presented by the huge windows of the suite.
Kotoko watched him, feeling a mixture of hope and nervousness stirring within her. This vacation was supposed to be a fresh start for their marriage, a chance to reconnect and heal the wounds that had festered over the last few months.
Last night, Kotoko had bared her soul in a way she hadn't in a while, both mentally and physically. She completely surrendered herself and let her guard down. Because she knew that she and Naoki would be in it together forever, so it was safe to do so.
She had no regrets.
Kotoko trusted Naoki, but she was also a bit scared of what would happen moving forward. After their trip, they would go home and work on changing how things were. She had no expectation that this would be easy to accomplish.
After all, that woman was who she was.
But it was okay, because Kotoko wasn't alone. Naoki would be the one to cut her off.
Kotoko sighed in relief. She could be vulnerable again. She took a sip out of her own coffee cup and took in its wonderful aroma.
"It's not too bad out here, isn't it" Naoki commented, as he placed his cup on the table.
"Yeah," replied Kotoko. "It's really nice," she said with a smile.
There was a brief moment of silence between them. It was broken not too long after by Naoki.
"I've been thinking," he said, "instead of going home right after checking out, we should go out to eat. Our parents are gonna be gone till tomorrow as they've taken a trip as well. We'll be too tired to prepare anything once we get home."
It was true. Mr. and Mrs. Irie, along with Mr. Aihara and Yuki, had decided to go on a little mini vacation of their own. For no reason in particular, except that they may have been in the mood for a little change in scenery as well.
They've all had a good break.
Kotoko, true to form, had no problem spending even more time with Naoki, so she agreed.
"Yeah, let's go somewhere," she said as she took another sip, "any place in mind?"
"Yeah..." Naoki replied, "why don't we go to 'Sweetscape'? They have a lot of stuff that you like, don't they?"
"Okay!" Kotoko happily agreed.
"Hello! Do you have a reservation?" said a petite blonde with warm brown eyes.
"Yes, we do" replied Naoki, "Its under 'Irie' ".
"Ah, yes, for one o'clock, correct? It's a bit early, but we can definitely seat you right now. Please follow me!" the woman led Kotoko and Naoki to their table. It was a bit large for just the two of them, but that was fine. The two of them sat down and made themselves comfortable.
Kotoko had been to this place quite a few times. It was her favorite place. She'd usually come with her nursing friends, and other times she would treat her beloved mother-in-law to their amazing selection of desserts.
She felt grateful that Naoki would take her to her comfort sport. She couldn't wait to scarf down her favorite strawberry parfait.
He's so thoughtful.
As they looked through the menus, the waitress came back and asked if they wanted to order.
Kotoko was ready.
Naoki was not, apparently.
"Not yet, we still need a moment," said Naoki.
"No worries! Please call me if you need me," said Hana, the waitress.
"Thank you" replied Naoki. Hana walked away and left them alone once again.
Kotoko looked at Naoki in amusement.
Not like him to take his time. He must be hungry.
Kotoko felt that now was the time to open up about her passion for decorating. She didn't want to wait any longer.
"Hey, Irie-kun-" said Kotoko who was interrupted by the sound of a woman approaching their table.
"Naoki-kun!" said an all too familiar voice. It was Youko.
Kotoko froze. Her stomach dropped.
Oh no...
"Ah, Youko-san, hello. Have a seat", Naoki said as he pulled out the chair next to him.
"Okay!" Youko replied as she sat down next to Naoki and across from Kotoko, "thank you for inviting me, Naoki-kun...and Kotoko-san".
Kotoko didn't know what to say. She was confused.
He wants to have the talk with her...Now? And here? We haven't discussed this...
Youko took note of Kotoko's confusion and discomfort.
"How are you, Kotoko-san?" Youko asked, as she pushed her sunglasses onto her head and rolled up her sleeves.
Kotoko was silent.
"She won't say hi, hahaha...Must be in a bad mood. It's alright, not all couple vacations go as expected" Youko said, her tone dripping with condescension.
Kotoko's blood boiled.
You weren't even there, so you have no right to assume it didn't go well!
Kotoko took a breath to calm herself down.
Calm down Kotoko...She doesn't deserve a reply for that.
She tried her best to keep her cool.
"Sorry. I spaced out for a minute. I'm fine, thanks," Kotoko said as nonchalantly as possible. She picked up her cup of water and took a sip.
There was a long awkward silence. The tension between the women could be cut by a knife.
Kotoko had no idea what to say. She waited for Naoki to say something. She was relieved when he finally started talking.
"Thank you for coming all the way here to meet us, Youko-san" said Naoki, "I'm sure you had other things to do."
"It's nothing, Naoki-kun", replied Youko, "I didn't have any plans, and I would never pass up an opportunity to talk to you!"
Kotoko could feel her eye twitching.
Naoki smiled slightly and said, "I see. Well, let's order for the time being".
The waitress came around and took their orders. Kotoko did not feel like eating as much so she went with a strawberry juice and some soup.
So much for my favorite restaurant...
"Are you sure you don't want to eat some proper food?" asked Naoki, as he took a bite of his pasta, "you'll regret it when we get home".
"I'm good," replied Kotoko, as she took a sip of her juice, "I think I'm having a reaction to the seafood I had at breakfast".
"Why didn't you say so?" he said as the doctor in him took over, "jeez, Kotoko,"
"It's fine. I'm sure it will go away in a bit" she replied.
"Come on Kotoko-san, don't be like that. If I had a doctor for a husband, I would take advantage of it all the time" Youko said with a smirk.
"Oh really?" said Kotoko, the irritation clear in her tone of voice.
"Yeah," Youko replied smugly, pretending not to notice that her comment was not taken well.
"Well," Kotoko said as she put down her glass, "I've grown used to it at this point. Even when you're married, you have to know when to deal with problems on your own. I don't want to be that person who bothers her husband for every little thing. Maybe if you were married you would understand that."
Youko didn't like that one. She sensed the snark. It was clear.
"Oh, really?" she replied, her voiced tinged with simmering anger.
I see how it is, Irie Kotoko.
"Naoki-kun, I just remembered I have an appointment in about an hour and a half. Let's not waste any time, shall we?" Youko remarked, her irritation thinly veiled.
"Oh, I see," said Naoki, "Yeah. Let's get to the point."
He pushed his plate of food back slightly, looked at his wife and said, "Kotoko. I think its time you apologized to Youko-san."
Kotoko's jaw dropped in disbelief, her heart sinking. It was at that moment that everything came crashing down.
"Apologize?" she replied, her voice shaking, "for what exactly?"
"For overreacting," Naoki answered, "I don't want anymore trouble in the workplace. You said you wanted people to stop paying attention, and this is how to do it."
As Kotoko processed the audacity of Naoki's request, Youko's smug expression only fueled her growing rage.
"Kotoko-san," Youko said, "I also don't want any more trouble. Believe me when I say that I never meant to hurt you at all. This is just how I act friendly with the people I like."
What?
"Friendly? Is that what you call it?" Kotoko's voice trembled with rage. "You've been nothing but a burden in my life. You're extremely out of line. That's all you know how to be," she spat.
Youko's smirk faltered, replaced by a hint of discomfort as Kotoko's word hit their mark. Naoki interjected.
"Kotoko, enough now. She came all the way here so we can all move forward. We don't have to continue with this misunderstanding," he said.
A misunderstanding, is it?
"I won't apologize for defending myself or our marriage," Kotoko said.
"Come on," urged Naoki, "let's be done with this once and for all".
"Yeah Kotoko," said Youko tauntingly, "Your husband is trying his best to repair your relationship, and you don't seem to care very much."
Kotoko's head was spinning. She felt sick to her stomach. She looked at Youko, and then at Naoki, and then back at Youko again. She was waiting for someone to say something that made sense. Her heart was beating insanely fast, and she wanted to cry and throw up, and then cry and throw up again.
What's happening right now? Why is this happening?
Kotoko stood up and ran to the washroom. She vomited until it felt like all her insides were gone.
Well that was a waste of fine dining…
She wiped her mouth and staggered to the sink, her stomach still feeling like it was being twisted and beaten with a baseball bat.
Kotoko leaned over the basin as she rinsed her mouth and tried her best to get herself together. Her hands gripped the edges of the sink tightly. She lifted her head and stared at her own reflection. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were watery, and she tried her best to keep it together. She really wanted to just break down and cry, but she couldn't.
This is no place to do that right now.
She really didn't know how she would be able to move past this one. The pain she felt at that moment was almost too much to carry. She felt humiliated, hurt, betrayed, and absolutely worthless.
She would at least try to pull herself together for the next few minutes.
Those two were still waiting out there, and she didn't want it to be obvious that she'd been a crying mess.
Kotoko got herself together the best she could, although it felt like her body was on fire, and she made her way out the washroom and back to the scene.
Youko was waiting near their table with a smug expression. Naoki was seated with no emotion to be read from his face.
Kotoko walked up to them, trying her best not to lose it. Youko stood up and faced Kotoko, her arms crossed, waiting for her "deserved" apology from Kotoko.
"SO?" Youko "Don't you have something you want to say?"
Kotoko was silent. She looked at Naoki, who raised his eyebrows slightly.
She then grabbed her glass of wine, and in a swift, decisive motion, hurled it at Youko, the crimson liquid splattering across her blouse.
Her white clothes were stained by the red wine. A true image of an angel being exposed for the demon it is.
The people around them stopped what they were doing and stared at the scene.
"Kotoko!" yelled Naoki, embarrassed at the scene.
Youko furiously wiped her mouth.
"What...Did you just do...You psychotic bitch!?" she seethed.
"I…have to go," Kotoko said as she put down her glass and got her purse. She then sprinted out the door, leaving Youko stunned, and ignoring Naoki as he called out her name.
Kotoko wandered aimlessly through the streets, her mind consumed with a mix of anger, hurt and betrayal.
This was it. She has never felt worse.
She was so angry and devastated that she didn't remember what it felt like to not feel that way.
Kotoko continued in her wandering. She drifted past storefronts and cafes, her mind preoccupied with the injustice of her situation. Unable to relax in the chaos of the city, she sought refuge in the tranquility of a nearby park. Nobody was there. She sat down alone under the shade of a tree, and buried her face in her hands. She cried her eyes out.
It was all a lie...
See, Kotoko wasn't dumb. She didn't believe she was anymore.
Actually, it became apparent to her that her husband was the dumb one.
So was Youko. And the people at work. And everyone who looked up to those two.
They were so mean. So arrogant. So full of it.
So dumb.
And when she looked at things this way, it was hard for her to see herself as inferior to any one of them any longer.
They needed help. They were the ones with the problem.
Kotoko almost laughed at the realization. Cause it felt like she didn't have the right to say anything when it came to people's intellect.
But she no longer cared. There was no way she was inferior to this woman. Or Naoki, who clearly didn't care about her at all.
She understood this now.
The problem was him.
Kotoko had been doubtful for a while of how her husband had felt about her, but she had been hanging on to the small bit of hope she had left. A hope for change. A hope for some big misunderstanding that could be resolved. Their relationship thrived on the resolution of "misunderstandings".
Kotoko was able to see that her relationship was weighing her down, as she has spent the past few months pouring into something else that wasn't Naoki. And this is something she hadn't done since she was in middle school.
It may seem like Kotoko lacked self respect by giving her husband a chance this last time. But she didn't. She knew deep down how she deserved to be treated. Her newfound friendships, as well as discovering her passion helped her see this.
The only reason she wanted to work things out with Naoki was because she really believed he had changed. She loved the man she thought he was.
She didn't love whoever this was. This cruel, calculated, arrogant, and deceitful guy who for some reason would rather do anything than show his wife a tiny bit of respect. Contrary to what it may seem, Kotoko didn't like assholes.
She wanted love.
Kotoko had many fantasies of Naoki long before he even knew who she was. He behaved one way in her mind, and another way in real life. She spent her life trying to get the real Naoki to behave like the Naoki in her mind.
It seemed this horrible person who had just shown himself is who he has been all along. Kotoko wondered why she had spent all her time painting such a beautiful picture of who she wanted him to be.
It was weird. It was like she had awoken from a dream. A long, weird, and exhausting dream.
Something broke. Kotoko didn't know why it had taken her this long to get there, or why this was what it had taken to break her. But it worked. She could no longer live in her fantasy world anymore. She was over it. It wasn't even fun there anymore. She had other places she could go. Places that actually existed, and places where she actually enjoyed being.
A real, happy place, that didn't include Naoki.
She had pride now. And self-esteem. She felt insulted.
This time, she would not fall for his lame attempts at a "reconciliation".
Kotoko recalled a conversation she had with Ikue not too long ago. She and Kotoko had gone out to eat together. Kotoko let Ikue know about her relationship with Naoki, and Ikue told Kotoko about the many relationships she had throughout her life. She told her about her many boyfriends in the past, and how her relationship was with each of them.
Ikue had not found whom she considered her "first love" until her third relationship, which started in college. While her first two relationships made her feel giddy and excited, she had not yet experienced what it was like to be with someone who, in her own words, became "her whole world".
The one person who brought out such a level of affection in her was named Michael. He was an International student who knew how to romance a lady. Ikue met Michael after his break up with his girlfriend at the time. It was his third year, and Ikue's third year of college.
They met in an elective class, and were partnered together for an assignment. All of their planned work meetups turned into long talking sessions, and soon enough, they were inseparable. They spent every possible moment together, and they even started talking about marriage. Michael told her he loved her, that he would stay in Japan, and that he never wanted to be away from her.
Ikue had never had a guy pay so much attention to her before. He asked her about her thoughts on everything, bought her gifts, and made her feel so special.
All was going well, until the day she found out about his high school sweetheart. She was the one Ikue knew he had broken up with before they met.
She was fine with that. She was in the past. But Ikue was his now.
The problem was the way she found out.
She had been hanging out at his apartment one day, and he was taking a shower. While waiting for him in his bedroom, she noticed a ring on his dresser. He wore it daily on his pinky. She thought it was cute.
She decided to pick it up and take a closer look at it. On the inside she found an engraving that said "M & A".
"A" for "Annie". His high school sweetheart.
Ikue felt sick to her stomach, but she loved him, so she decided to trust him.
A foolish decision.
After growing impatient, she decided to ask him about the ring, and why he didn't take it off. Michael was caught off guard. He made all the excuses. Ikue still trusted him, despite feeling horrible.
The months went by and Michael never removed it. He kept making more excuses.
I forgot.
I'm just so used to it, so please understand.
Why are you so threatened by my past? Stop being insecure, damn it!
That one hurt. Michael had never snapped at her like that before, so Ikue felt guilty. She decided she wouldn't bring it up again, but she really wanted to hurry up and marry him so that she could feel more secure about her place in his life.
She tried her best to let it go, despite the constant feeling of being punched in the gut. Part of her knew he was attached to someone else, and refused to let go. Part of her screamed at herself to get out, quick. But she didn't.
Until one day, life decided for her.
It turns out, Michael had never broken up with his high school sweetheart at all. The ring was a promise ring to Annie, that she also wore on her finger. He also had no plans to stay in Japan longer than his study period. All that talk of getting engaged and married to Ikue was utter bullcrap. He just wanted company. A placeholder. Ikue was devastated.
"It felt like a rug had been pulled out from under me, even though I had a nagging feeling in my gut for so long. I didn't listen because I was too eager to be the one he would settle down with" Ikue said.
Kotoko had wondered why Ikue decided to tell her that story, but she realized why she did. She wanted to send a message.
Kotoko didn't realize until now that what she was caught in wasn't just struggle. It was a cycle. She had been dealing with the consequences of making the same bad decision over again.
Kotoko prepared to make her way home. She knew she would have to make many difficult decisions, and have difficult conversations. She was not excited. But it had to be done.
As she rose from the bench, a sudden discomfort reminded her of what she was wearing on her feet.
Kotoko realized she was still wearing her date wedges. They weren't comfortable at all. She took them off, and looked around.
It was getting dark.
Oh my god, how long has it been?
I should probably go home now.
She turned around reluctantly and began to walk back home. Until she remembered the commitment she had made.
Oh crap, I said I would meet up with Chris!
Kotoko was much too tired and much to upset to go socialize.
But she also did not want to go back home to him.
Kotoko wanted to scream. She was in no mood to be making decisions right now. Her brain was fried.
Ahhhh! What should I do?
"Kotoko! It's been so long. Come in, come in!" said a familiar blonde.
"Hi, Chris" Kotoko said, her voice carrying the weight of her exhaustion. "How are you?" she asked.
"I'm great. It's been so long! Come, have a seat". Kotoko followed Chris to a table in a quiet corner of the restaurant. She sank into her chair. "It's been a rough day," she said, "but I'm glad we finally got to see each other".
Chris nodded. "Me too Kotoko," she said. "Oh! By the way, this is my friend Mary," she gestured to the woman sitting at the neighboring table.
Mary greeted Kotoko with a friendly smile. "Its nice to meet you," she said.
"Nice to meet you too," Kotoko said as she returned the greeting.
"I'll go bring some tea. You guys should talk and get to know each other! Be right back." said Chris as she got up and hurried to the kitchen. Mary got up and sat at Kotoko's table.
"Chris told me a lot about you," said Mary as she smiled, "a lot of good things".
"Really? That's nice" said Kotoko. She wanted to say more, but she was feeling so drained.
Mary noticed.
"Is everything, okay?" she asked.
"Uhmm...Yeah, I guess," said Kotoko, who attempted to conceal her problems, "actually...no, its not. But don't worry about it!"
"I mean, you can vent if you want, I won't judge" said Mary.
Kotoko hesitated for a moment before deciding to tell her about the events that had taken place over the past few months.
"Oh I see..." said Mary, "damn, I'm sorry you had to deal with that"
Kotoko exhaled in frustration. "I just don't know how I'm gonna deal with her at work. Everybody thinks so high of her because she's Fujihara Youko..." she said.
Mary's eyes widened. "Wait, what? Can you repeat her name again?" she said.
"Sure. It's Fujihara Youko," said Kotoko.
"Thanks," said Mary as she took note of the name and opened her phone and appeared to be searching for someone. Suddenly her eyes widened and she put her phone down. Her hands flew to her mouth in shock.
"Hey, Chris…I think you need to come see this. I actually have chills," she said to Chris, who was approaching their table with the tea.
"I'll be there in a sec," said Chris. Chris put down the tray, and went toward Mary.
"Its his girlfriend, Chris. I have no reason to make this up. Just look at her!" said Mary as she held her phone up and showed it to Chris.
Chris gasped once she saw who the person in the photo was. It was Youko, next to a tall man with brown hair and green eyes.
"I'm sorry?" asked Kotoko, who was very confused, "who are we talking about?"
"That's…My cousin" said Chris, shock and disappointment on her face.
And indeed it was. The man in the photo was Christine's cousin on her dad's side–Jack Robbins. He and Chris were close in age, and they have pretty much grown up together. They were very close. Like siblings. Chris cared about him a lot.
She really couldn't believe what she was seeing.
"Kotoko, listen to me," said Mary, "This woman is in a relationship with Christine's cousin. She has been for almost six years. It's extremely serious. They have been talking about marriage."
Kotoko's eyes widened. She couldn't believe what she was hearing.
Youko and Jack had met during high school. Youko had been studying in London as an exchange student. She met Jack during her final year, and they had been together ever since. It was Youko who was smitten with Jack from day one. She confessed her feelings, and he returned them. She begged him to wait for her while she studied medicine in Japan. He planned on moving to Japan and marrying Youko when he was done with his PhD.
Mary said, "that's why I need you to trust me when I say that there is no point competing with this woman. Not because she is better than you. It's quite the opposite, actually. She is actual human filth."
"Poor Jack," said Chris, shaking her head in disbelief, "After all they've been through. After all he's done for her."
"So what should we do?" asked Kotoko.
"Don't worry, I have an idea. She's not gonna get away with this," she said as she sat close to Kotoko, "Here's what we're gonna do."