Prompt #5: "Let's go home." "I'm already there."
Take my Hand and I Will Follow Through
~oOo~
Captain Olivia Benson sat in the examination room of the Urgent Care, lost in thought as she waited for her release papers. She had just been shot for the first time ever. It hurt. But right now it wasn't the most painful thing she was feeling. Having Detective Elliot Stabler by her side for that fire-fight in the diner was bittersweet. On the one hand, it was just like old times. On the other hand, she was reminded of all the times in the last decade that she had needed him and he wasn't there for her. But today he had been. They had literally worked together to fire back when Olivia had been wounded and Elliot had been blinded by teargas. She had guided the gun in his hand as he shot back at the shooters. Then she had directed him as he carried her out of the building.
Now she was waiting to be released, but in all honesty, she was waiting for him. She somehow knew, even after all those years apart, that he would come find her as soon as he could.
Sure enough, Olivia heard a noise a few minutes later and when she looked up, Elliot was standing in the doorway.
"How's your ass feeling?" he asked with a little smirk.
Olivia tried to push herself up from the exam table.
"Well, I won't be sitting anytime soon. Get me outta here, will ya?
Elliot reached out and Olivia grabbed onto him as he gently as possible helped her stand.
Once she was on her feet once more, she looked into Elliot's eyes and saw the pain in them.
"You ok?"
Elliot shrugged.
"Couldn't see. Heard the shot. Thought I'd lost you."
Olivia sighed.
"I can't imagine what this must have brought up for you?"
Before Elliot could tell her that this had nothing to do with Kathy, his phone pinged.
He sighed as he looked at it.
"Bell."
"You gotta go?" Olivia asked.
"Yeah," Elliot replied unhappily.
The two looked at each other for a long moment, before Olivia pulled Elliot in for a gentle hug. A moment later, he was gone.
Getting Olivia home was a bit complicated, but Fin and Amanda managed it.
Amanda was planning on staying the night with Olivia. She brought the girls with her to play with Noah since Carisi was going to have to work late anyway. Amanda knew Olivia was less likely to protest if she didn't feel like she was keeping her friend from other obligations.
"How are ya feelin'?" Amanda asked once Olivia was settled on the couch and the kids were settled in Noah's room with a video game.
"Really sore, but other than that, I'm ok," Olivia replied.
Amanda nodded. "I know the feeling. Been there. Twice."
"Mine wasn't nearly as serious as yours," Olivia replied.
Amanda grinned. "But I didn't have a hot detective carrying me out."
Olivia rolled her eyes but had to smile.
"He was there for me. This time. It was like old times. 'Always so in sync.' That's what everyone said about us, including his wife. Then one day he was just…gone. And then there was no one by my side for the other times. Until today."
"Have you asked him about…back then? Where he was? If he knew?" Amanda inquired seriously.
Olivia shook her head.
"Part of me is afraid to ask. I mean, what if he did know and didn't come look for me? I don't see how it's possible that he didn't know. It was all over the news. And if he didn't know? That might be even worse. Like he didn't care enough to look me up? But I also don't want him to have the pain of the guilt he would inevitably feel if he hadn't heard. And the other part of me…sometimes I feel like he doesn't deserve to know. He left, Amanda. He abandoned me for a decade."
Amanda reached out and took Olivia's hands.
"Liv, you have to tell him. Especially if the two of you are gonna have any kind of future together."
Olivia groaned. "I know. I just don't know where to start."
"Just tell him the truth," Amanda said as if it were the easiest thing in the world.
Before Olivia could respond, the buzzer buzzed.
Amanda got up to answer it.
"There's an Elliot Stabler here to see you, Captain Benson," said the doorman.
Amanda looked at Olivia, who nodded.
"Send him up," the blonde said into the speaker.
Turning back to Olivia, she said, "Now's your chance. I'll take the kids to dinner and a movie and give you two a chance to talk."
"Amanda…" Olivia protested.
Amanda gave her a firm look.
"It's just going to get harder the longer you put it off. You know that, Liv."
Olivia sighed.
"You're right. Ok. I'll talk to him."
Amanda smiled. "Good choice. I'll go tell the kids to get ready."
'Since when is Amanda Team Benson/Stabler?' Olivia wondered to herself.
Elliot arrived at Olivia's door half a minute later and Amanda let him in.
"Hey, Rollins. Sorry to interrupt your evening. Liv, I just wanted to check on you."
"The kids and I were just leaving. You two need to talk. I know she's in good hands."
Elliot raised his eyebrows at Olivia who nodded.
Amanda leaned over and hugged Olivia, saying in a low voice, "Call me after. If you need me to leave the kids with Sonny, I can. He should be back by the time the movie's over."
Olivia nodded.
"Have him pack a bag just in case."
"I'll be back later either way. Unless Elliot ends up staying."
"That won't happen. See you later, Amanda," Olivia responded.
A few moments later, Noah had a bag packed but was hesitant to leave.
"Mom, are you sure you'll be okay if I go?"
"Oh, I'll be fine, sweet boy. Elliot and I haven't talked in a while and we're just going to catch up. You go have fun with your friends."
Noah still looked uncertain, but he kissed his mom goodbye and left with Amanda and the girls.
~oOo~
Once they were gone, Elliot sat down next to Olivia and asked, "Hey Liv, you seemed a little…off earlier. Like you had something on your mind. Other than that hole in your ass, I mean."
Olivia snorted a laugh, then got serious again.
"El, How much have you heard about me since you've been back? I mean, from when you were gone?"
Elliot shrugged.
"Nothing. I was waiting for you to tell me when you were ready."
"Where were you in 2013? And early 2014? Where was your family?" Olivia continued.
"I was bouncing from one security job to another. I did walkabouts all over the world. My family went with me when they could but mostly they were here. Why?" Elliot replied.
Olivia took a deep breath.
"Does the name William Lewis mean anything to you?"
Elliot wracked his brain. After a moment he said, "No. Should it?"
"I don't know. William Lewis was my worst nightmare. Amanda arrested him and we could tell he was one sick puppy from the beginning. We had him, El, but he was released on a technicality."
"What happened, Liv," Elliot asked, suddenly dreading the answer.
Olivia drew a shaky breath and told him the entire story.
She told him how she was sent home only to find the guy in her house. She told him how she was missing for four days and suffered unspeakable torture and indignities. She told him how she had beaten him and saved herself only to have to relive her horror in court when the creep defended himself after firing his attorney. She told how they had found him guilty of the murders and kidnapping of an officer but not for the rest. She told him how he escaped a few months later and framed her for murder after holding her hostage a second time.
"I went willingly that time, El. To save a twelve-year-old girl. He forced me to play Russian Roulette. But when it was my bullet, he turned the gun on himself instead of handing it to me. I could have died, El. Should have died. Might as well have. What happened next was hell anyway. He managed to make it look like I had shot him. I had to go on trial for murder!"
"Liv…I," Elliot began in a shaky voice, but Olivia held up a hand to stop him.
"And the worst part was, you weren't there. For any of it. I told him what you would do to him if you had been. He taunted me about you during those four days and he used you against me at the first trial. I needed you, El. More than I ever did before but you. Weren't. There. Not then, not when I found my son. Not when I had to fight for my reputation and to keep my son when I was falsely accused of abuse or before that when I was accused by CPS of neglect because I had to be at work when my son was in the hospital. Not when my son was kidnapped by his biological grandma. Not when I was held hostage in a townhouse. Where were you then? Huh?!"
By now, both Elliot and Olivia had tears streaming down their faces.
"Liv, I…I didn't know. No one ever told me. I don't know if my kids were trying to protect me or my marriage. If Kathy ever knew? I don't know if they were with me both of those times. I think my mom knew. But I didn't take her seriously because of her problems. She said something a couple of years ago. I…I thought she was just confused. I swear, Liv, if I had known, I would have been here in a heartbeat. Please believe that!"
Olivia looked down at her hands before meeting his eyes. "I do. I do believe that. Elliot, why did you leave me in the first place? Your mom once said that if you hated someone you'd just walk out of their life. Did those twelve years mean nothing to you?"
Elliot looked at Olivia in shock.
"Liv, I could never hate you. It was just the opposite. I cared way too much. After Jenna, IAB threatened both our careers. Kathy threatened to leave and take Eli if I decided to fight them. She was tired of my job coming between us and keeping me away from my family. I wasn't in a good headspace then, so I agreed. Then I was too much of a coward to face you. I actually convinced myself that you'd be better off without me. I realize now I was just running away and even though you thrived without me, you weren't safer without me. I would give anything to get the past decade back with you, Liv. If I could I'd go back and change things. But I can't. All I can do is promise to never leave again. To be here for you from now on. To stop running."
Olivia was sobbing now and Elliot wasn't far behind. She turned to avoid her painful side and pulled the man into a big hug.
Elliot held the captain for a long time. He never wanted to let her go again.
Eventually, Olivia pulled back and looked the detective in the eye.
"Elliot, I forgive you. I know we can't change the past but I want to move forward from here. I want to work on trusting you again and I want to see where our relationship can go. I want to try."
Elliot looked at Olivia for permission and she nodded. He leaned in and kissed her deeply.
After they pulled apart, Elliot asked softly, "Ya hungry? I know a place that makes great Mac and Cheese."
The two of them chuckled and Olivia said, "Maybe it's too soon for that. How about pizza?"
"Works for me. The usual ok?" Elliot replied.
Olivia nodded with a smile. Some things would never change.
Elliot left not long after dinner after getting a call from Bell that Detective Jamie Whelan had been shot and was in the hospital in critical condition. He headed there as soon as Amanda could return to be with Liv.
Unfortunately, Whelan died late that night.
A few days later, Elliot went to see Olivia at work.
Upon seeing a Christmas present from Noah's half-brother's family still unopened on the shelf, he commented, "Ya know, you really should open that. It's a bit weird just leaving it wrapped like that."
Olivia huffed, "I'm afraid it's going to be too normal."
Elliot chuckled at her admission.
"That's just silly."
Olivia rolled her eyes and handed him the package.
"Here. You open it then."
"I will. But first, we need to talk," Elliot confessed.
"Ok. What's up?" Olivia asked in concern.
Elliot sighed.
"I have to go away for a while."
Olivia's heart was pounding. But she tried to hide her anxiety.
"Ok. Thanks for telling me this time."
"I want you to know that this wasn't my choice. With Whelan gone, there's no one else. The others are too green. I'm also going to contact you as much as possible. It won't be as often as I'd like, but I won't ghost you again."
Olivia nodded. Trying to push down her fears and believe him.
Elliot handed her a package.
"This is for you. It's a promise gift."
Olivia opened the package and gasped as she pulled out a beautiful compass necklace.
"El, this is…this is beautiful."
It's customized. It's a promise. That I'll find my way home to you. It will lead us to happiness with each other. I love you, Liv. I meant what I said the other night. I'm not leaving you again."
Olivia couldn't quite bring herself to say those three words back yet, so she changed the subject.
"You gonna open yours?"
Elliot smirked and picked up the box from the McCanns.
He unwrapped it and pulled out a 'Live Love Laugh' ornament.
Olivia snorted.
"See? It's normal. And tacky."
Elliot grinned at her affectionately.
"We really need to work on your normalitis. But this can be fixed."
He snapped off the 'e' of 'Live' and held up the ornament which now said 'Liv Love Laugh'.
"See? Now I'll treasure it. And I'll keep it with me and look at it every time I miss you. Which will be every day. Several times a day."
"And I'll wear my necklace all the time. Because I'll miss you, too," Olivia whispered a bit tearfully.
"Liv, would it be ok if I kissed you before I go?"
Olivia hesitated but then nodded. Shutting her door, she slowly walked over to Elliot.
He kissed her tenderly and said softly, "Talk soon." Then he left the building.
Olivia sighed as she sat gently in her chair. Gazing at her new necklace, she prayed to a God she wasn't sure she believed in to bring her Elliot home safely.
Elliot kept his promise to keep in contact as much as possible while he was away. It was very sporadic for safety purposes but it was still something.
He was gone for two months and then, one day, Olivia was attending a mandatory black tie event for the NYPD. She was at the punch table trying to avoid McGrath when she heard a voice behind her say, "I told you I'd come home to you. I guess the compass worked."
Olivia spun around.
"Elliot! When did you get back?"
Elliot moved in to hug her tightly before kissing her cheek. That's all he felt comfortable doing with all the eyes on them.
"I got back this morning. I debriefed and saw my mom and kids and when Jet, Reyes, and Ayanna told me about the event tonight, I decided to surprise you."
"Well, you definitely did," Olivia told him.
Leaning closer, she added in a low voice, "I missed you, El."
"I missed you, too," Elliot replied.
The music changed to the song Broken Road by Rascal Flatts.
"Dance with me, Liv," requested Elliot.
"Ok," she agreed.
The two of them danced with their arms tightly around each other.
After that one dance Olivia was cornered by McGrath who wanted her to meet with some people and barely acknowledged Elliot. Elliot took that opportunity to request a song from the DJ.
About ten minutes later, Olivia returned to Elliot just as the requested song started.
"Thank God. I thought I'd never get away. Sorry about that."
Elliot smiled.
"I understand. I requested this song for us though. Can we dance again?"
Olivia nodded. She listened and heard the first verse of John Denver's Follow Me.
"These words are my promise to you. Only most of the time, I'll follow you. Whatever you do, wherever life takes you, Liv. I'm with you. All the way," Elliot promised.
"I know, El. We go together. Side by side. Like we always have. In sync," Olivia said, as her eyes shone with tears.
When the song ended, Elliot suggested, "Let's go home."
"I already am," Olivia murmured, holding tightly to Elliot's hands.
Elliot looked at her questioningly but hopefully.
"You are my home, El. I got a little lost. We both did, but love has led us home."
Elliot smiled, his special smile reserved only for her.
"It has, hasn't it? It took a long time, but we finally both found the happiness we deserve."
They went to find their coats and said their goodbyes before heading out. As soon as they were out on the sidewalk, Elliot pulled Olivia in for a deep kiss.
"I love you, Olivia Margaret Benson."
Olivia looked into his eyes and saw the sincerity there. She was finally ready to say what she had felt for twenty-five years, even when she didn't want to admit it.
"And I love you, Elliot Joseph Stabler."
The author of this SVU - Love Leads You Home story will be revealed in March