Wordgirl: Best Girl Part 1

Ah, the third annual villain convention! A fantastic opportunity for the city's most dastardly and diabolical to relax, kick back, and share their feelings with like-minded colleagues.

Oh, and look. It's Victoria Best and her parents. Hurray.

"Victoria, dear…are you sure you want to be seen with these…how shall I put this…NOT-the-Best people?" said Mr. Best, looking around awkwardly.

"Yes Victoria dear, I quite agree with your father," said Mrs. Best. "As the Bests, we should only associate with other people who are the Best. Or, at the very least, people who are CLOSE to being the Best, since there can only be one ACTUAL Best. Why don't we drive back to the city and you can call up your friend Hunter? He's the second-best actor in your school, after all. Or maybe you can just hang out with your brother like usual-"

"-Victoria, dearest, are you listening?"

-Victoria Best was not listening. She was, for the first time in a very long while, looking around with excitement.

"Victoria! Hello?"

"What? Oh, no thank you mother, I don't want to go back. You see, I'm the BEST at understanding people, so I understand why you'd be confused about me wanting to go to villain-con. And it's true…most of these people are TOTAL losers, not even CLOSE to being the Best."

"Ugh. Losers," agreed Mr. Best, glancing over at a guy with a big left hand.

"But here's the thing, mother; a few of these people ARE close to being the Best."

"What? They are?"

"That's right. Like Tobey over there! He's a villain, just like me, and I was kind of hoping…I mean…"

-Victoria hesitated. She didn't want her parents thinking that she was here JUST to make friends. They wouldn't approve; no, they would be disappointed that she was wasting time NOT becoming the best.

"...I…what I'm trying to say is, I want to become the BEST at talking with villains!"

"Oh! Now I understand," said Mrs. Best. "The best at mingling. So smart, Victoria!"

"Do they give a trophy for that?" asked Mr. Best, rubbing his chin. "We'd better find out once the convention is over. Run along Victoria, go and meet your slightly-non-inferiors and we'll catch up with you later!"

"Thank mom, thanks dad!"

"Ah, our little girl. She is just…the BEST."

"That's why we love her, dear. That's why we love her."

Inside the villain convention main lobby, Victoria Best makes her way through the crowd.

"Out of my way, losers! Excuse me, the BEST coming through. Oh, don't mind me, I'm just the only villain to have EVER beaten Wordgirl, actually, on second thought, DO mind me, I'm a big deal, I'm the BEST!"

Victoria stopped once she finally saw the person she was looking for.

"Hey Tobey! Hey, over here!"

"Oh! Victoria! A pleasure to see you again."

"Theodore McCallister. The second-Best villain in the city."
"Haha, yes, indeed. I DID manage to tie with Wordgirl last Thanksgiving, I do suppose that does make me the second-best. Very nice to see you again, my dear colleague! Come, join me at the snack table!"

"Thank you, Tobey. I'm the BEST at picking out snacks."

"I had a feeling you'd say that. Excuse me please, coming through-"

-The two kids make their way to the snack table, chatting the whole time.

"And then I trapped Wordgirl in a cage!" said Victoria, finishing her story. "Isn't that amazing?"

"Yes, yes it is! I must say Victoria, that story gets better every time you tell it!"

"I…yeah, I know I tell it a lot, sorry. It's just…most other kids don't LIKE to hear that kind of story for some reason."

"Oh, tell me about it. Did I ever tell you about the time I knocked Wordgirl off of a building? I even brought in part of the building for show-and-tell and all of our classmates started booing me! Can you imagine?"

"I can."

"I must say Victoria, it is…refreshing, to have someone to talk to about all of this. And not just any villain, you understand. I've tried talking with that Birthday Girl, and I must say she's not NEARLY as entertaining or intellectual as you are."

"Oh…wow, thanks Tobey. That…yeah, I…thank you."

"Say, how would you like to skip the rest of the convention and go destroy the fountain in the park? We can see who's the better at it!"

"I'd love that, Tobey! Although for the record, I'M going to be better at it because I'm the-"

"-Hey, watch it kid! Wait your turn!" said Chuck the Evil Sandwich-Making Guy, just as Victoria bumped into him in the line for the snacks.

"Wait my turn?" said Tobey, frustrated. "My good man, you're hogging ALL of the snacks and using them to make a sandwich! If I 'waited my turn' then I'd be standing here till New Years!"

"You should be more respectful to your elders, young man!" said Granny May, standing on the other side of the snack table.

"And YOU should be more respectful to your superiors!" retaliated Tobey. "Do you KNOW who I am? I am Theodore 'Tobey' McCallister the Third! And this young woman standing next to me is none other than the BEST villain at this entire convention!"

"Wait…did you just say Victoria Best?" asked Dr. Two-Brains. "That kid who stole all of our stuff that one time?"

"Yes. That is EXACTLY who I mean!" replied Tobey, snarkily. "I mean, I…oh come now, Victoria, let us leave these ruffians to their disgusting food and go find ourselves a proper meal-"

"-Yeah, that's right!" said Victoria, interrupting Tobey and standing up on top of the table. "It's me! Victoria Best! The BEST villain in this entire city! And if you don't believe me, might I remind you that I'M the ONLY ONE here who was able to trap Wordgirl? For a full FIVE MINUTES?"

The room was silent again.

Then, all of the villains burst out laughing.

"What? What's so funny?" asked Victoria.

"Five…haha…five MINUTES? That's IT?"

"I…yeah! Five minutes! I beat Wordgirl and I trapped her!"

"For just FIVE minutes? Kid…do you REALIZE how many times we've all trapped Wordgirl? One time I draped her in steel beams for a whole hour!"

"Yeah, and one time I slung her up in yarn for almost three whole hours!"

"And me!" said Chuck the Evil Sandwich-Making Guy. "I trapped Wordgirl in peanut butter for almost an ENTIRE DAY!"

The room went silent.

"You did? Wait…so does that mean…CHUCK is the best villain in the city?"

"What? No!" shouted Victoria. "I'M the best villain! I'm the best! You all are just jealous! You all are lying, you have no proof that you ever did any of this-!"

"-Hey everyone, sorry I'm late!"

The Butcher entered the room, holding a giant box.

"What's everyone talking about? Did we already start doing that thing where we show off all the pictures we took of the many, MANY times we've trapped Wordgirl? Because I've got a BIG box right here, I hope we have enough time to go through all of it. What? Why's everyone looking at me?"

Victoria stood there, stunned.

Then she stormed out of the room.

"Victoria, wait!" shouted Tobey, running off after her.

In the parking lot of the motel, Victoria storms away, Tobey trailing behind her.

"Victoria, wait, please stop! Don't listen to any of them, I still think you're the best villain in this entire-"

"-I shouldn't have come here!" shouted Victoria suddenly, slamming her foot down on the ground.

"I…what?"

"If I hadn't come to this stupid villain convention, then I NEVER would have found out about ANY of that! I would have KEPT THINKING that I was the BEST! But no, I HAD to come here just because I was DUMB and I wanted to make friends with people like YOU! I should NEVER have cared about finding new friends, I should have just stayed where I was and continued to be the BEST!"

"Victoria, I…wait, that…that doesn't make any sense at all. Come Victoria, you don't HAVE to be the best! I still want to be your friend. We both know how difficult it can be for…villains like us…to make friends! I WANT to be friends with you Victoria, please don't say that you wish you hadn't come here! I don't CARE that you're not the best-!"

"-I AM the best! Everyone else was lying-!"

"-I…no Victoria. They were not."

A stunned silence.

"I…I am a man of science, Victoria. And as much as it pains me to say it, what we just saw was EVIDENCE that you are not…at this very moment…the best."

"You take that back-!"

"-Victoria, PLEASE. I want to help you! You can't keep going through your whole life ignoring things that don't fit your world view! You are NOT the best at everything-"

"-YES I AM-"

"-You're not. You KNOW you're not."

"I…I am!"

"You're not."

"I…I…"

Tobey raised any eyebrow.

"...I'm not the best," whispered Victoria.

"What's that?" said a voice.

Victoria and Tobey both looked up. Mr. and Mrs. Best had pulled up their car right in front of the pair.

"Victoria…did I just hear this boy say that you're NOT the best?"

"We are VERY disappointed in you, Victoria. We're the Bests! And you are supposed to be the BEST."

"Get in the car young lady! You are not to show your face in public again until you are ONCE again the very BEST!"

"I…yes mother. Yes father…"

"Victoria, Victoria wait-!"

Back at the Best residence, Victoria lies on her bed, facing up at the ceiling.

"I…I didn't say that for real. Of course I'm the best! There's no way I would ever admit that I'm not the best!"

Actually, that's not true. You JUST said it in the last scene.

"Oh what do you know? You're nothing but the narrator!"

I can play it again if you want.

"...I'm not the best," whispered Victoria.

See? You admitted it. You're NOT the best.

"I…I'm not the best."

That's it. Let it all out.

"I'm not the best. You're right, Narrator, I've ALWAYS KNOWN that I'm not the best."

Exactly. Now, doesn't that feel a whole lot better?

"All of these trophies and contests…all of the cheating and the stealing…I've ALWAYS known that I'm not actually the best. I just…I never wanted to admit it, but all this time…"

Exactly.

"...These trophies are supposed to remind me that I'm the best. But they actually remind me that I'm…NOT…the best."

That's right. And now that you've accepted the truth, you can start to become a better person and-

"-I know what I have to do, Mr. Narrator. I have to make myself FORGET that I'm not the best!"

Um…what?

"I need to wipe my memories of all the times I stole these trophies! Then, when I look at them, I'll think that I'm the BEST again!"

Um, no, that sounds like a terrible idea-

"-You! Narrator! Narrate it so that I forget about all of these trophies being fake! Say it, then it'll be real!"

I can't do that, Victoria. I'm the narrator, not a magician. The only things I can do are explain what's going on, switch scenes, and occasionally trigger flashbacks.

"You can trigger flashbacks? Do that then! Do it right now! Flashback to the very first time I wasn't the best, and I'll use my magical recorder on my past self to make myself think I WAS the best!"

Absolutely not.

"Fine then…I'll MAKE you do it!"

Hah! Nice try. That magical recorder doesn't work on me-

TUU-DOO-LOO-LOO-TUU-DOO-LOO-LOO-DOO-DOO-LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

And so, the incredible and very smart Victoria Best travels back in time to the very first time she was ever NOT the best. It was back when she was only two years old, having a picnic with her parents in the park.

"Yes. There I am!" said Victoria, watching her past self and the past versions of her parents from behind the bushes. "Baby Victoria! Ah, I was so cute back then! Oh, and there are my parents! They look so different too-"

"-Baby Victoria dear," said the past version of Mr. Best, "remember; you HAVE to always be the best!"

"...Huh," said Victoria. "They still acted the same, though."

"Oh hush now dear, there's no need to tell Baby Victoria that," said Mrs. Best. "She's only two years old and ALREADY she's the best at everything! Best at chewing her food, best at crawling, best at…best at EVERYTHING, really!"

"Indeed," said Mr. Best. "Hmm, I wonder if she's the best at drinking milk from a bottle?"

"Oh of course she is dear, watch! Drink up Baby Victoria!"

"Goo-goo-goo-goo-sputter-SPACK-"

"-Ugh! Baby Victoria spit out all of her milk! Right onto me!"

"Oh dear, it looks like Victoria isn't really the best after all!" said Mr. Best.

"Hush dear, don't say that!" gasped Mrs. Best.

Wait. THIS is the first time you weren't the best? You traveled all the way back in time to stop THIS from happening?

"That's right, Narrator. Look; look at my Baby face; look how disheartened she is! Look how her confidence has been shattered! As the years went on, I would learn to hide my lack of confidence but still…it's there! You can see it taking root! You can see it hindering my ability to believe in myself!"

Really?

"Just watch, Narrator. I'm gonna play my recorder and use it to make Baby Me forget all about this. I've just gotta wait until my parents are looking away…"

"-Well dear," said Mrs. Best. "I say we move on to finding OTHER things for Victoria to be the best at. How about…a scavenger hunt?"

"Ooh, a wonderful idea, darling!" said Mr. Best. "Whoever finds the most interesting thing is the winner!"

"Sounds wonderful!"

"Yes dear, I just said that."

Victoria's parents walk away for just a moment, taking Baby Victoria with them. A few moments later they explain the rules to Baby Victoria, then split up so that Baby Victoria can go crawling away on her own for the scavenger hunt.

"Now's my chance!" said Victoria, waltzing over to her baby self, recorder in hands. "Hi Baby Me! Ah…you look so unconfident. Look at the way you're crawling, so…so defeated. So unsure. You used to think you were the best…but now you DON'T think that you're the best. Well…don't worry! I'm gonna fix all of that right away!"

TUU-DOO-LOO-LOO-TUU-DOO-LOO-LOO-DOO-DOO-LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

"Yes! Look at her now! She's COMPLETELY forgotten about the milk!" said Victoria, clapping her hands together triumphantly. "Now she thinks she is the best again! Go Baby Victoria, GO! Win that scavenger hunt!"

Huh. You REALLY think this is going to make an impact?

"Of course it will, Mr. Narrator. I remember that I LOST this scavenger hunt long ago, but now that I have my confidence back, I'm DEFINITELY going to win! And THAT will create more confidence, and more, and more, and I will be so confident that I will NEVER lose and I really will be the BEST!"

I really don't think that's how it works, Victoria-

"-Honey," said Mr. Best, "come and see what Victoria found! It's the most amazing thing ever! She's won the scavenger hunt, dearie! She's the BEST!"

"Told you!" said Victoria, triumphantly. "Now, narrate me back to the present day, Narrator!"

You know, I REALLY think this is going to backfire…

TUU-DOO-LOO-LOO-TUU-DOO-LOO-LOO-DOO-DOO-LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

And with that, Victoria Best transports herself back to the present day, her mission complete. Because Victoria Best is the BEST at time-travel.

Back in the present, Victoria appears back in her room.

"Yes! It worked! And look, Narrator! Look at all of these NEW trophies! NONE of them are stolen!"

How can you tell that none of them are stolen?

"By smelling them."

Smelling them?

"Yes. See? SNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFF! That's the smell of a winner."

Huh. Okay then.

"Time to go downstairs and see my parents! They must be SO proud of me!"

Victoria rushes down the stairs, but her parents are not in the living room.

"What's this? A note? I'll read it. I'm the BEST at reading."

Uh huh.

"To Victoria and Victor, we are going to the awards ceremony and won't be back until later. Don't stay up and don't forget to do your homework. Or not, it doesn't matter."

That's a weird note.

"No it's not! I'm clearly SO the best that I don't even have to do my homework! That's HOW MUCH THE BEST I am! And look; an awards ceremony! That proves that all of my trophies are real!"

No, it's still weird. If your parents are going to YOUR awards ceremony, then why did they write a note telling YOU that they're going to an awards ceremony? Wouldn't YOU also be at this awards ceremony, instead of doing your homework?

"I…um…hang on, you're right, Narrator. This sounds like they're going to my awards ceremony…without ME! What the heck is going on here?"

Victoria makes her way to the center of town, where a gigantic crowd has gathered at the steps of city hall.

"Wow…all of these people showed up for my award?" marveled Victoria. "That's pretty amazing! Ooh, and LOOK at the size of that trophy! It's GIGANTIC! It might be the biggest trophy I've ever won!"

How is anyone supposed to carry a trophy that big?

"It doesn't matter, Mr. Narrator. Oh, look, there are my parents up on the podium! They're speaking before I get my award. Ooh, I'd better get ready to go on stage, how's my hair?"

"Hello citizens of the city! I'm Mr. Best!"

"And I'm Mrs. Best!"

"We're the Bests!"

"And we are so honored that our daughter is being given yet ANOTHER award. We want to personally thank everyone here for realizing that our daughter is the BEST!"

Victoria smiles, clutching her heart.

"Finally. They really mean it, they really DO think I'm the best…"

"That's right," continued Mr. Best. "Oh, our daughter has won so many awards that we've almost lost count! Almost, it's 34,091. It feels like only yesterday, back when we were a much smaller family, and we were out on a picnic! We were playing a game of scavenger hunt, and our daughter Victoria found something incredible! It was the BEST moment of our lives!"

"Yes! Yes!" says Victoria, smiling.

"Because that was the day we first discovered our daughter. Our BEST daughter."

"I…wait, what?" says Victoria, suddenly confused.

"That's right, dearie," said Mrs. Best. "Oh, it seems like just yesterday. Our daughter Victoria was playing scavenger hunt, and she found a SPACESHIP! A just-crashed spaceship, with a monkey and a little girl inside!"

"What…what are they talking about?" asks Victoria, stunned.

"We adopted the little girl in that spaceship, but at the time we didn't realize just how special she was! She could fly! She could lift ANYTHING! Once she started speaking, she had the absolute BEST vocabulary we had ever heard! We knew right then and there that we were lucky parents. Because our adopted daughter…was the BEST!"

"Wha…the…wha…?"

What…?

"So please, citizens of the city!" said Mrs. Best. "Give it up for our BEST daughter! Our wonderful, adopted, superhero daughter…BECKY BEST!"

The crowd roars with cheers.

A girl appears with a FLASH in the middle of the stage, holding her arms out wide.

"That's right! Becky Best! Also known as…BEST GIRL! Because I'm the BEST!"