WORDGIRL: TWO-BRAINS'S GAME NIGHT
(Psst. Watch out for the words 'Experience' and 'Fondness')
JUST ANOTHER normal day in the city!
Huh, it looks like my job as the Narrator is going to be a lot more difficult now that we're doing this in written form. But fear not, loyal Wordgirl fans, because I…the handsome and ever-reliable narrator, will continue to do my part to ensure the story is told carefully and with just as much excitement as ever! The experience will not be ruined!
Ugh, I need a glass of water. Hang on a sec…
…
Ah, that hit the spot. Keep 'em coming please, Milton!
Anyways, what's happening today? Ah, the Botsford resident, home of Wordgirl's secret identity Becky Botsford, who, as you can see, is currently in her room-
(-Oh, right, they CAN'T see what's going on. Huh, this is gonna be harder than I thought. Maybe I'll get lucky and Wordgirl will just explain what's going on, and I won't have to wear out my voice by describing every single thing that's happening…)
"-Bob, tonight's the big school dance!" said Becky, posing in the mirror. "I have to pick out what outfit I'm going to wear! This is my first time my class has had a fancy dress-up dance and I want it to be great!"
"EEP!" responded Bob, wisely.
"How about this dress, Bob? I know, it's kind of big but it was the only thing I could find in my mother's old trunk from the attic and I…hey, looking snazzy Mr. Monkey-Man! Where did you get such a fancy tux?"
"EEP!"
"What? The spaceship? Bob, you can't wear an outfit from the spaceship! If people realize you're wearing clothes from outer space, it won't take them long to realize that you're Captain Huggy Face! And then once they realize THAT, it'll only be a matter of time until they realize I'm Wordgirl!"
"EEP."
"What? You think people will believe that? They'll just assume Captain Huggy Face let you BORROW the outfit? That's…actually not a bad idea…"
"EEP."
"Say, are there any fancy outfits on the spaceship that would fit me?"
Right at that very moment, the EVIL DOCTOR TWO-BRAINS and his henchmen are in the midst of beginning their next dastardly scheme! Dr. Two-Brains sits in his getaway van, briefing his two henchmen on the first phase of his plan.
"Okay, listen up, henchmen," said Two-Brains. "Enough chatter, especially from you Charlie! Here's what we're going to do! Tonight the city is importing an entire WAREHOUSE full of cheese, right here in the lower district! We're breaking in tonight, boys! But first we're gonna need hi-quality equipment in order to ensure our break-in goes off without a hitch!"
"But boss," said one of Two-Brains's henchmen, "what kind of equipment are we gonna need? Crowbars? Giant blimps? Magnetic cranes?"
"No, NO! Weren't you paying attention? We're stealing the cheese tonight, which means it's going to be dark! In order to see, we're going to need FLASHLIGHTS!"
"Stealing flashlights? Oh gosh boss…stealing cheese is one thing. After all, there's always more dairy products for people to get their essentials from. But stealing flashlights? Without flashlights, people won't be able to see in the dark. What if the power goes out and everybody gets lost? We're putting the city in a lot of DANGER by doing this!"
"Yeah? So? I don't care about other people. I never have, it's why we're VILLAINS!" said Two-Brains, impatiently. "Now come on, we have to get going as soon as possible-"
"-Wait…you don't care about anybody, Boss? You don't have a fondness for anybody? At all?"
"Of course not! The only person I care about is me, Dr. Two-Brains! And the same should apply to you two as well, so get out there and steal those flashlights before I steal your lights instead!"
Dr. Two-Brains burst from his van, rushing into the grocery store and demanding people get out of his way. As he does, his two henchmen follow nervously behind.
"I agree, Charlie. There's no way Dr. Two-Brains doesn't care about ANYONE. I mean, after all, he cares about us-"
"-Hurry up you two! I haven't got all day!"
"Hmm…maybe not."
Meanwhile at Wordgirl's secret spaceship hideout, Becky looks through the assortment of beautiful clothes hanging within one of the many closets in the back of the ship.
"Wow Huggy, I had no idea the spaceship used to belong to a famous Lexiconian fashion designer! These outfits are amazing! I've never seen anything so elegant, so colorful, so…WORDY…"
A singular dress catches Becky's eyes, causing her to drop everything else in stunned silence-
"...So…wordy…Oh my gosh this dress is covered in words…!"
Just a moment later, Becky stands before a mirror, admiring with fondness the white dress she has just adorned.
"Look at all of the words that have been written on this dress! Eloquent! Splendid! Superb! Ooh, sublime! That's one of my FAVORITE words! Huggy, quick, get me another mirror so that I can see the words written on the back, too! Ooh, I like these dance shoes, they've got some nice words as well. Kind of hard to stand in them but I can get used to that-"
"-EEP!"
"What? An alarm coming over the computer? Dr. Two-Brains! I'll be right there Huggy!"
"EEP!"
"Yes, of course, hang on, I just gotta get this dress off and then I can…huh, actually the clasp is really hard to reach…Huggy, can I get some help? This dress takes a LONG time to get on and off-!"
"EEP!"
"Pick another one for tonight? Why? You act as if I'm going to be changing outfits constantly tonight and…oh, right."
Dr. Two-Brains and his henchmen make a speedy getaway from the grocery store, their van filled with flashlights aplenty.
"Yes! There are plenty of flashlights! And the best part is we stole ALL of them, which means the police won't have any flashlights to spot us during our big heist tonight! Ha ha, HAHAHAHAHA!"
"But Boss, what about Wordgirl?"
"Oh, don't worry about Wordgirl. I've got JUST THE THING to stop her when we see her later tonight. You see, I've been working on a ray to-"
"-No, Boss, I mean Wordgirl! She's right in front of us!"
"HUH?"
Dr. Two-Brains looks up just in time to see Wordgirl standing defiantly in front of the oncoming van, hand outstretched in staunch anticipation as the truck comes barreling towards her.
"Quick! Turn around, turn around before she grabs the front of the van!"
"We can't Boss, it's too late!"
"Ugh, brace yourself! Once Wordgirl grabs the van she's going to-"
-The van smashes straight into Wordgirl, flattening her into the pavement-
"...Um…get knocked out of the way?"
The crowd watches from the sidewalk in shock! How has Wordgirl been knocked over by a simple van? How is this possible? Is she okay? Will she be able to get back up?
"Yes I will!" shouts Wordgirl, standing back up, completely unharmed. "Fear not citizens! Your favorite hero is completely fine! I just lost my footing there for a moment, but as you can see I am still perfectly capable of running after Dr. Two-Brains and-!"
-Wordgirl falls face-first onto the pavement, again.
"EEP!"
"What? Huggy, I'm fine. Everything's fine, I just-"
"EEP!"
"Shoes? What do you mean?"
Wordgirl looks down at her feet.
"Oh, it's the fancy dancing shoes. I was so busy switching out of that fancy dress that I completely forgot that I was still wearing the dancing shoes from the spaceship! Man, these shoes are REALLY slippery, no wonder I wasn't able to get a good grip on Two-Brains's van."
"EEP!"
At that very moment, Dr. Two-Brains laughs triumphantly as his van continues to barrel down the streets.
"Ha! HAHAHAHAHA! After all these years, I finally was able to get away from Wordgirl! What a fantastic experience! Who would have thought her secret weakness was cars? I mean, the answer was obvious in hindsight! What is the ONE type of villain this city doesn't have? Duh! A car-themed villain! Boys, from now on ALL of our plans involve cars! We will only steal cars made of cheese, and-"
-SMASH-
-WHAM-
-CRUNCH-
"...And now we're tied up and the van's been smashed to pieces, of course…"
Wordgirl appears in front of Two-Brains, her fancy dancing slippers replaced by her normal boots.
"Not so fast, Dr. Two-Brains! These flashlights don't belong to you!"
"You're supposed to say that BEFORE you catch me, Wordgirl. Looks like that car did more damage to your noggin than I thought."
Wordgirl ignores the comment, instead listening to Two-Brains's henchmen as they look up at Wordgirl, impressed.
"Wow Boss, wasn't that so cool how Wordgirl caught us so quickly? Great job Wordgirl, that was a heck of a recovery! That must be some sort of record!"
"Oh, stop, that was nothing-"
"-Record?" interrupts Dr. Two-Brains. "What are you talking about? Weren't you paying attention to the part where we smashed right through Wordgirl with our car? This is no record! Heck, this is probably the worst job Wordgirl has ever done! Yeah, you hear that Wordgirl? This was your worst job yet! How does that make you feel?"
"Yeah yeah, whatever, I've gotta go. The police will be here in a moment to take you to jail. WORD UP!"
Wordgirl flies away, leaving Dr. Two-Brains and his henchmen tied up on the side of the road.
"Huh. Gosh Boss, that was pretty mean, don't you think? Why did you have to make fun of Wordgirl like that?"
"Why? Because she's an obnoxious, spoiled, self-loving goody-two-shoes, that's why! All she cares about is stopping poor, innocent villains like me! The only thing she is fond of is her perfect record as a crimefighter, so the VERY LEAST I can do as her arch-nemesis is try and ruin the one thing she likes to experience!"
"Gosh Boss, I don't think that's entirely true. Wordgirl cares about LOTS of other things."
"Oh yeah? Like what?" said Two-Brains, rolling his eyes. "Telling other people why they're wrong?"
"Well, for starters, she's got that dance tonight that I bet she's really looking forward to…"
"...Dance? What dance? What are you talking about?"
The henchman nods his head towards the poster on the wall just to their left. Dr. Two-Brains looks up at it and reads it aloud.
"Elementary School Fancy Dance, yeah, so what? You think Wordgirl is going to this dance tonight?"
"Sure Boss, I mean…she must go to that school, right? It's the only elementary school in town. Plus, didn't you see she was wearing those fancy dance shoes earlier?"
"What? Wait, what are you talking about? How did you figure all of that out?"
"Boss, you know I have two Phds, right?"
Two-Brains ignores the comment, his minds flaring.
"Wait, hang on, so you're saying Wordgirl…ACTUALLY has a life outside of fighting crime?"
A brief moment of awkward silence.
"I mean…yeah. Of course she does, Boss. Isn't it obvious? What, did you think she was just some sort of robot that shuts down and goes to sleep whenever there isn't any crime?"
Dr. Two-Brains looks down at the concrete, lost in thought.
A few moments later, the police arrive to take Dr. Two-Brains and his two henchmen to prison.
"Alrighty Two-Brains, get up on your feet! Hello? Two-Brains, are you listening?"
"Huh? What, did you say something?"
"I said get on your feet! We have to get you to prison and then get across town to catch the Butcher. He's robbing the bank and we have to be ready to-"
"-Did SOMEONE say…the Butcher?" said a voice.
"Yeah, I did, why?" said the policeman, excited to meet new people.
"Oh, I was just checking," said the Butcher, who stepped out from behind the tree he had been hiding behind. "My hearing is starting to go, you know how it is. You get old, you use meat as a pillow and it gets in your ears…"
"Yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about. Hardly a fun experience."
"No it is not. And neither is this. PASTRAMI ATTACK!"
The two policemen are suddenly covered in pastrami, unable to move.
"Ha ha, that's what you get when you mess with…The Butcher!"
"Hey, Butcher, any chance you could give us a hand?" asks one of Two-Brains's henchmen.
"Huh? Oh, hey guys, I didn't even see you there! Charlie my buddy, how's it going? Long time no see! Let me help you out of those ropes, here ya go!"
"Thanks pal! Gosh, we sure owe you one. Hey Boss, aren't you gonna say thank you to the Butcher?"
Dr. Two-Brains still is thinking carefully.
Back at Dr. Two-Brains lair, the evil doctor's henchmen sit down with the Butcher for a game of cards. All the while, Dr. Two-Brains sits in the back of the room, thinking carefully.
As he does so, he looks in the mirror and talks to himself.
"I used to always think of Wordgirl as nothing but a superhero, full-time. It never even OCCURRED to me that she has a life outside of crime-fighting. What does she do when she's not stopping my evil schemes? Does she have friends? Family? I wonder how she does in school? Pretty good, probably…"
Dr. Two-Brains looks through his collection of newspaper clippings, all of them showing the many times he committed his dastardly schemes…and the many times Wordgirl stopped him. Almost every headline was accompanied by a photo of Wordgirl standing triumphantly next to a tied-up Two-Brains, beaming proudly and…
"...Hmm. I never noticed it, but…Wordgirl is growing up."
This was all very shocking to the doctor. He had always thought of Wordgirl as a robotic, repetitive do-gooder, but…that was NOT entirely true. She was a child, and she was growing up and living a WHOLE other life that had nothing to do with crime-fighting or villains. Right now, she was experiencing her first-ever school dance and-
"-Hang on a moment," muttered Two-Brains. He put down the album of his crimes and instead opened up a DIFFERENT photo collection. This one contained pictures of his life BEFORE he had become Dr. Two-Brains. There were pictures of his time in college, his time in high-school, and there, at the very beginning of the album…
"...My first dance," muttered Two-Brains, reminiscing. "What a MAGICAL experience…"
And now Wordgirl is having HER first dance…
"Do you have any 3's?" asked the Butcher.
"Yes! Wow, that's the seventh time you've asked me if I've had a 3, and it's the seventh time in a row that I HAVE in fact had a 3!" said Two-Brains's henchman, smiling. Good game!"
"You too!"
Two-Brains walked past the table, still distracted and troubled.
"Hey Boss," said the henchman. "You wanna sit in for the next game? We've still got some time before we have to steal all of the cheese from the warehouse, after all!"
"No," said Dr. Two-Brains, shaking his head. "I…we…I've made a decision! Listen up everybody! We are NOT going to steal the cheese from the warehouse tonight!"
"We're not?"
"No. We're gonna do it tomorrow night instead!"
"Oh…okay Boss, whatever you say! Hey Butcher, you wanna stick around for another round of cards?"
"Oh, no thanks. I appreciate the offer, but I've got a WHOLE crime spree planned for tonight, you see. I'm gonna be VERY busy stealing stuff and-"
"-No!" said Two-Brains, suddenly. "You can't go on a crime spree tonight!"
The Butcher and Dr. Two-Brains's henchmen looked at him, confused.
"...I mean…you can't go on your crime spree because…um…because tonight…I'M having a game night!"
"A game night?" asked the Butcher, confused.
"That's right! And…and YOU'RE invited, Butcher!"
"I am? Ah, that's pretty nice, you're not so bad Two-Brains…"
"-Yes, yes, in fact, EVERY villain who was planning on committing a crime tonight…is invited! Henchmen, get the lair ready for guests! We're gonna have a party that will distract, uh, I mean ENTERTAIN every villain we can get in touch with!"
"Uh…are you serious Boss? You wanna have a game night? Tonight? Instead of stealing cheese? I…that's sort of weird, don't you think? I mean, you've never been fond of game night before…"
"Well I am now! Don't question it, just go and set things up while I make a very important phone call!"
Meanwhile at Wordgirl's secret spaceship hideout, Wordgirl looks at her fancy outfit with the utmost disappointment.
"Ugh, who am I kidding, Huggy? There's gonna be TONS of crime tonight, just like every night! I won't be able to enjoy the dance AND stop all of the villains. This dress is too difficult to put on and take off anyway, so all of my time would be spent switching back and forth."
"EEP."
"Yeah. I know it's the mature thing to do. I KNOW."
"EEP."
"Thanks Huggy, that means a lot. Heh…I guess I have come a long way. I AM older now, aren't I? I guess I don't need a fancy dress and a fancy dance to prove how old I've gotten."
"EEP."
"Yeah. You're right. I still want to go though…Gosh, huh, when you're a superhero there's a lot you just don't get to experience…"
-RING, RING RING-
Just then, a call comes in on the Wordgirl computer.
"A call? Quick Huggy, answer it! Hello, Wordgirl here and I…huh? Dr. Two-Brains?"
"Hello? Is this thing on? Oh, hi Wordgirl!"
"What do you want? How did you get away from the police?"
"Oh, don't worry about that Wordgirl. In fact, you don't have to worry about ANYTHING for the next twenty-four hours, thanks to me!"
"What? What are you talking about?"
"Look, I…I'm just calling to let you know that I'm NOT going to be committing any crimes tonight, okay? In fact, NO villains are going to be committing any crimes tonight!"
"Why would I ever believe that? How dumb do you think I am, Two-Brains?"
"I…look, Wordgirl, it's true, okay? So feel free to enjoy yourself tonight, alright? I promise, you WON'T have to leave and stop any crimes, you can just have fun and dance your heart out!"
"Dance? How did you know I was going to a dance?"
"Um, because I'm a genius, of course! Anyone could figure it out Wordgirl, so just enjoy yourself and-"
"-Ugh, stop it, okay? I KNOW you're lying! You ALWAYS commit crimes when it's least convenient for me! You ALWAYS end up ruining every happy experience I have with your ridiculous plans! Now you have to call me and rub it in, too?"
"I…hey, I was trying to be NICE, Wordgirl! If you don't believe me then fine, have fun being unable to relax and enjoy your dance! See…see if I care!"
"You don't, Two-Brains! You never have! I'll see you tonight after I foil your plan!"
"No you won't, Wordgirl! No you WON'T!"
-END CALL-
Wordgirl sighs, slumping back into her chair.
Dr. Two-Brains sighs, slumping back into his chair.
Later that night, the game night is in full swing. Dr. Two-Brains's henchmen finish up the decorations while the Butcher puts out snacks. All the while, Dr. Two-Brains greets his guests.
"Mr. Big, hey, so glad that you could make it!"
"Hmm," said Mr. Big, eyeing the place with a judgemental glare. "Two-Brains, when you called and told me you were having a game night, I was expecting something a bit more of a …fancy experience. Upper-class, lots of gold. But this…this is just an old abandoned warehouse!"
"Hey, this is MY old abandoned warehouse!"
"Oh. Is it? Well, I can't say I'm too fond of it. I had a big, BIG plan tonight, Two-Brains! I was going to use mind control to take over the world! Being here seems like more and more of a waste of time. Leslie! Get the limo ready, we're leaving!"
"Grr…wait, Mr. Big," says Two-Brains, "wait, hang on a sec, WAIT!"
"What? What is it? I haven't got all night, you know!"
"Look, the reason I held this game night in the first place was so that…um…"
"-What? Spill it out!"
"...I am having this game night so that one of you can win the ULTIMATE PRIZE!"
"Ultimate prize, huh? What sort of prize?"
"Uh…" Two-Brains paused. He really didn't know what to say. He shrugged. "...Well, I don't know, what do you want?"
"I told you already! I want to leave and take over the world!"
"Well…IF you win the most games tonight, you will WIN the ability to leave so that you can do that!"
"I will? Well, buddy, you should have opened with that! I'm sold! Let the games begin! Ooh, snacks!"
Mr. Big runs off, leaving Dr. Two-Brains and Leslie alone.
"Wow, is he always that easy to trick?" Two-Brains asks.
"Sigh. I never really bother," says Leslie. "You must REALLY want us to be here for some reason, Dr. Two-Brains."
"It's…hey, come on, can't a guy just have a fun game night? I have such a…ugh…fondness for games."
"...Sure. But the REAL prize had better be better than what you promised Mr. Big."
"Sigh. What do YOU want if YOU win?"
"...I want nothing. Nothing at all."
The two stared at each other, not saying a word.
Then Leslie walked away.
"...Well that was weird, but also weirdly in character," muttered Two-Brains, giving off another shrug. He looked up as his final guest arrived.
"Lady Redundant Woman! Hey, it's so great of you to come!"
"Dr. Two-Brains," said LDW enthusiastically, "I have to say, I'm a big fan of your place! Your residence! Your domicile!"
"You are?"
"Yeah, sure. There was no problem finding a parking spot. Also, I thought for sure I'd be the only woman here, the sole female, the singular miss, but I can see I was wrong! I appreciate that too!"
"Oh, hey, anything to make my guests feel more welcome! I'm so glad you could show up to experience game night!"
"Sure thing! I had nothing going on tonight anyway, since all of my clones are too busy committing crimes to actually hang out and do anything."
"Yeah, yeah sure, I get that…WAIT. Your clones? Committing crimes? Right now? No, no, no the whole point of the party was to stop all of the criminals from committing crimes-"
"-What did you just say?"
"Nothing, I…I just, um…you have to bring all of your clones back right now!"
"I do? Why?"
"Um…because that would be cheating! How do we know you're not using your clones to…um…look at everyone's cards? Through the windows? Yeah, that's right, that's…that's why there are no superpowers allowed tonight, them's the rules!"
"Sigh. Okay, fine, agreeable."
Lady Redundant Woman taps her nose. Across town, three robberies stop before they have even begun.
('Hey, no disappearing into sheets of paper when you're on the clock! You're fired!")
"Great! Hey, help yourself to some snacks! We're gonna start the first game in just a minute!"
Lady Redundant Woman ran over to the snack table. Dr. Two-Brains sighs, leaning on the table as he shakes his head.
"Ugh, tricking villains into NOT committing crimes is hard work. I wonder how much MORE work it must be to stop them after they're already STARTED committing the crimes! Poor Wordgirl, she DESERVES this night off!"
"What was that, Boss?"
"Agh! I…I said…nothing! Look, are all the preparations prepared?"
"Yep. Everything's all set for game night, Boss!"
"And we're sure NO OTHER villains are committing any crimes tonight?"
"Nope. We called all of them. Chuck the Evil Sandwich-Making Guy is grounded, Granny May is chaperoning a school dance, and everyone else is-"
"-In prison-?"
"-In prison, yeah."
"Okay, fine then. We can get started with the card game."
Across town, the Elementary School Dance has finally begun! The lights in the school gym are shimmering! The DJ is rocking out! And everyone is showing off their fancy clothes and fancier dance moves!
"Hey Becky!" says Scoops, sliding out of nowhere. "Great outfit! You look amazing…ly distracted, is everything okay?"
"What? Oh yeah, sure, I'm fine Scoops. Just…sigh…just waiting for the other shoe to drop, I guess."
"Other shoes? Becky, you're already wearing two shoes! You don't need any more!"
"It's an expression, Scoops. It means I can't enjoy myself because I just KNOW something's going to go wrong any minute now. Then I'll have to leave as you-know-who and miss the whole dance!"
"Ah, Becky, that doesn't sound like fun. You know what? I'm gonna help get your mind off of all that! Come on, let's go get some punch! Even if you DO have to leave, you can still enjoy every moment before that! Make every moment count, that's my motto!"
"Gee, thanks Scoops, I really appreciate-"
-RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
"An alarm! I have to go, Scoops! Word…ugh, this dress is so HARD to change out of!"
Two minutes later, the school principal makes an announcement.
"Attention students, there is no need to panic. That alarm was just the fire alarm, and it was pulled by one of our…crazier…dancing students by accident."
"It was NO ACCIDENT! Anarchy baby! Down with America, up with your new ruler TJ!"
"Yeah yeah, whatever you say Johnson. Okay everyone, you can all go back to the dance."
"See Becky?" said Scoops, comfortingly, "nothing to worry about. You can relax!"
"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…how can I have fun when I just KNOW a villain is going to call me away and ruin the experience?"
"The…what?"
"Experience. An experience is an event when you get to try something new. Like this dance; most of us kids have never gotten to dress up fancy and dance before, so for a lot of us it is a brand new experience."
"Oh, I get it. Or like that one time I got to take that trip to France! That was definitely a fun experience!"
"Exactly! And I want to experience this dance, but I just KNOW I'm gonna have to fly away and save the day as you-know-who."
"Well don't worry Becky; I'm going to make sure your experience is still very fun!"
"Thanks Scoops, but I doubt you can stop all the crime in the city from happening. Heck, I doubt anyone could do that…"
Back at Two-Brains's game night, the cards have been dealt and the game is heating up. Dr. Two-Brains, his two henchmen, the Butcher, Mr. Big, Leslie, and Lady Redundant Woman are all staring intently at their cards.
"Do you have any 3's?" asks Lady Redundant Woman.
"Somehow I knew you'd ask that," says Leslie, smiling. "Go fish."
"You! Meat-guy!" says Mr. Big. "Do you have any 5's?"
"Nope. Just got a bunch of cards with the letter S on them. It's kind of a weird S though, it's all sharp and square-like-"
"-Say Charlie, it's your turn."
Charlie glares at his fellow henchman.
"Ugh, how did you know? Here, take all my kings!"
"Enough!" shouted Mr. Big, throwing his cards down on the table. "This game is too hard and it is making my head hurt! Two-Brains, I demand we play something else…IMMediately!"
"Huh? Yeah, sure, whatever. What do you wanna play?"
Mr. Big stood up, slamming his hands on the table.
Everyone looked up, silently.
"I…want to play charades!" says Mr. Big, clutching his hands to his heart. "And I will WIN! Because NOBODY is better at charades than Mr. Big! I am the BEST at charades!"
Everyone at the table laughed.
"What? What's so funny?" asked Mr. Big.
"Hey, you know who you just sounded like?" said the Butcher. "You sounded like that Best girl that's always fighting Wordgirl."
"Oh yeah, her! I'm the Best, I'm the Best! You sounded just like her!"
The villains started laughing at Mr. Big. All except for Two-Brains, who once again grit his teeth with nervousness.
"Wow, I should make Mr. Big hand out with other villains more often," muttered Leslie to one of Dr. Two-Brains's henchmen. "It's so much fun to watch him get humiliated."
Mr. Big blushed, as the villains continued to laugh at him.
"How dare you laugh at me! I am Mr. Big! I am your superior in every way! I am…I am leaving!"
"Wait, no! You can't leave!" said Dr. Two-Brains, running forward. "You…um…"
Dr. Two-Brains grabbed a whiteboard, wrote Mr. Big's name, and gave him five tally marks…
"...You're already winning! You can't leave when you're already winning!"
"What? Winning?"
"Yes. You just got five points for your AMAZING charades performance as Victoria Best! I mean, everyone was able to guess it straight away, it was…it was VERY good, wasn't it?"
"Uh, Boss, I don't think we were actually playing yet-"
"-WASN'T IT?"
"I…yeah, sure, totally!"
Mr. Big walked back to the group, no longer interested in leaving. "I…um…yes! Yes I did! It was impressive, wasn't it? Thank you all, I appreciate your admiration and fondness."
"You appreciate our…what?"
"Fondness," said Dr. Two-Brains suddenly, "it means appreciation or admiration or just that you like something a lot. There, I defined it, no need for anybody else to show up and explain what it means…"
"-Okay, more charades," said Mr. Big "Try and guess who I am NOW! I LOVE air! I love BREATHING! I can't live without air!"
Dr. Two-Brains smacked his hand to his face.
"Oh Wordgirl, you'd better be making the most of this…"
Back at the dance.
"I LOVE air! I love BREATHING! I can't live without air!" said Violet happily, dancing through the crowd while waving her arms.
"Violet," asks Scoops, "what are you doing?"
"I'm dancing…by letting my fondness guide my body!" said Violet joyfully. "The more lovely things I think about, the more happy I become and the more impressive my dancing is!"
"Huh. I never thought of that. I'm gonna try it too! I love the newspaper! And reporting! And I'm quite fond of honesty! Hey Becky, you give it a try!"
"Huh? I don't know Scoops, evil could strike at any minute…"
"-Forget about that, Becky! Think about the things you love! Think about things that make you happy!"
"You really think I should? Ugh, okay, fine, why not? I love…um…"
"-You love Pretty Princess, Becky!"
"I do, yeah, don't I? I am VERY FOND of Pretty Princess! And Princess Triana and unicorns and my unicorn collection!"
"That's it, you're doing it Becky! You're enjoying yourself! You're expressing yourself through love and dance!"
"And I love finding new unicorns for my collection! Like last week when I got Fuzzy-Tail and Quacky-Teeth! That was great!"
"Yes, fantastic Becky!"
"...Of course, I WANTED to get all THREE of the new figures, but I had to LEAVE and ended up missing the sale because of stupid Dr. Two-Brains and his STUPID PLAN which ALWAYS ENDS UP HAPPENING AT THE WORST TIME-!"
"-Um, Becky? I think your dancing is starting to come across as…aggressive…"
"-And the time I missed that movie, and the time I missed the nature hike and the time I missed Holiday Cheese Eve and the time I missed my first dance oh WAIT, THAT HASN'T HAPPENED YET BUT IT'S ABSOLUTELY GOING TO-!"
"-Becky," said Violet, trying to remain calm, "your dancing is causing negative forces to appear! Your dancing is summoning raw evil energy! Misery and despair shall surely arise unless you stop-!"
-RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG-
"Another false alarm, students. Apparently one of our dancers was dancing so badly that it scared another student into tripping backwards and hitting the fire alarm. Don't worry, we'll have the gym back in order in just a minute."
"Down with order! Up with TJ!"
Back at Two-Brains's game night.
"Okay, my turn for charades," said the Butcher, standing up and running to the front of the warehouse where everyone could see him. "Let's think, what should I pretend to be? Oh, I know! HAMBURGER HAMMER!"
"Ooh, I know, I know what it is!" shouted Lady Redundant Woman. "It's a hamburger hammer! The answer is hamburger hammer!"
"Correct!" said the Butcher, snapping his fingers. "I do believe that's five points for me, if you please!"
Dr. Two-Brains's henchman marked five tallies on the whiteboard.
"Good guess, Lady Redundant Woman! I do believe it's now your turn."
"Thank you! Gracias! Appreciated! Okay, here we go, who am I?"
Lady Redundant Woman created five copies of herself. One of the copies mimicked having a second brain on her head, one of the copies pretended to walk around like a wealthy and powerful businessman, and one of the copies picked up the hamburger hammer.
"Ooh, I know this one!" says the Butcher. "Ugh, it's on the tip of my tongue, who am I thinking of? What's his name? Funny-looking guy, steals sandwiches or something…?"
"It's all of us!" says Dr. Two-Brains, who is standing in the back of the room with his back against the wall. "You're pretending to be all of us."
"Hang on, I'm not done yet," says Lady Redundant Woman. "I still have one more part of my charade."
The last copy of Lady Redundant Woman splits her hair into two sidetails, then grabs the tablecloth from off of the table and puts it on like a cape. She then pretends to fly around and tie up all of the copies pretending to be the villains.
"Ugh, I KNOW this," says the Butcher again. "It's that game show host, what's that guy's name…?"
"It's Wordgirl!" shouts Mr. Big, standing up angrily. "You're pretending to be Wordgirl. I can tell because of how annoying you are!"
At the dance, Becky's ears picked up a voice shouting 'Wordgirl'.
"Ugh. Of course…"
Becky took one last look at all of her fellow students having fun, then sighed and started to walk away.
"You're pretending to be Wordgirl," continues Mr. Big. "I can tell because of how annoying you are!"
The Butcher, Leslie, and Dr. Two-Brains's henchmen realize that Mr. Big is correct. They all start to boo at Lady Redundant Woman's impression.
"But here, let me show you how you can make your impression even BETTER, Lady Redundant Woman," says Mr. Big, walking up to the front of the room and pushing LDW out of the way. "Here's what Wordgirl is REALLY like! Ooh, look at me, I'm Wordgirl, I named myself this to show people how much smarter I am than them!"
The villains cheer and laugh; all except for Dr. Two-Brains.
"I love ruining the lives and dreams of EVERYONE I meet. I love showing up and smashing all of their hard work, then sticking around and bragging about it for hours on end!"
The villains laugh and boo again.
"I'm so perfect and amazing! I'm a goody-two-shoes robot who follows every rule and is mean to every single person who bends them, and I LOVE doing it because-"
"-Okay enough, STOP!" shouts Dr. Two-Brains from the far side of the room.
Everybody looks up, shocked.
"You think Wordgirl LIKES being the hero, huh Mr. Big? Well maybe she DOESN'T, huh? Have you ever thought about that? Maybe she's got a life outside of being a superhero and maybe she actually WANTS to do something else every once in a while! Maybe she doesn't LIKE the fact that our evil plans keep her CONSTANTLY distracted from getting to have any fun, or enjoy anything that she is actually fond about!"
Everyone is in complete and stunned silence.
"Maybe Wordgirl is just a kid, huh? Did you ever think of that? And maybe we've been ruining that kid's big life experiences by keeping her so busy that she never gets a chance to have any fun or do anything fun in life! Maybe…maybe we're RUINING her life, and maybe that's why she's always so mad at us! Did you ever think about that? DID YOU?"
The room is in stunned silence.
"What?" asked Dr. Two-Brains, crossing his arms.
Mr. Big, speechlessly, points over Two-Brains's shoulder.
Dr. Two-Brains turns around.
Wordgirl is standing right there, stunned.
Dr. Two-Brains sighs, then looks around at everybody around him.
"So…so you weren't lying earlier?" asks Wordgirl. "You…you really WERE giving me a night to myself?"
"Wait, Boss, is THAT why you held this game night?" asks one of Two-Brains's henchmen. "You wanted to keep all of the villains busy so that Wordgirl could have fun at her dance? You did all of this just to do something NICE for Wordgirl? You…you felt bad for her?"
Two-Brains didn't say anything at first.
"Wait…Wordgirl goes to dances?" asked Leslie. "But she's too young for fancy dances, she's only…hang on, how old IS she?"
"Oh, I know," said the Butcher. "We've been fighting for…"
-The Butcher counts on his fingers-
"...For almost three years now. Huh. That means Wordgirl is growing up. I…I never even thought about it-"
"-Wait, Wordgirl, is tonight your FIRST EVER dance?" asks Lady Redundant Woman. "Are we…oh my gosh, I can't believe it. It feels like just yesterday I was holding you in my arms…and trying to stop you from destroying my evil machine…"
"Huh, what's that Charlie? Whoa, yeah, I never thought of it like that. That's very profound Charlie, VERY profound indeed…"
"Stop it! Stop it all of you!" shouted Mr. Big, suddenly, standing up on top of the table. "What are you doing? Wordgirl is not our friend, she's not…she's not our family! She's our enemy! And now is the perfect chance for all of us to catch her! Or, heck, we could all just leave and go commit the crimes we were originally going to commit! Sure, she'll probably stop us, but at least she'll end up missing her precious school dance! Take that, Wordgirl! You deserve to miss your dance, I mean…you're the one who keeps ruining OUR fun, so I don't see why you should get to have any fun either! Right guys? Am I right? Who's with me?"
Nobody was paying any attention to Mr. Big.
"Hey, Wordgirl, I know you have to get back to your dance, but…I was wondering, could we maybe see you in your fancy dress first?"
"You mean it? Okay, sure, I'll be back in just a second-"
-FLASH-
-A minute later Wordgirl returned, still wearing her helmet but otherwise decked out in her fancy attire.
"Oh my gosh, she looks so grown up!" shouted Lady Redundant Woman, laughing happily.
"Say Wordgirl, if you ever need any fancy dance moves, I…well, I have a few moves from villain college. They're pretty hardcore; I bet your classmates would be pretty impressed."
"Wordgirl, if you ever need help picking out your next outfit, you can ask me," said Leslie. "I used to go to fashion school before working for Mr. Big Incorporated. I can help you out, you know, girl to girl-"
"-Thanks Leslie, I…I'll think about it," said Wordgirl, blushing. "But I think I have to go-"
"-Hang on, hang on!" said one of Dr. Two-Brains's henchmen. "We need to get a picture. A special picture of our big girl, all dressed up on the night of her first ever dance!"
"Oh, guys, really? All this big fuss for…ah, guys."
Everybody gets into the picture, except for Mr. Big and Dr. Two-Brains.
FLASH
After the photo is done, everybody goes back to the games and snacks, except for Wordgirl and Dr. Two-Brains.
"Doc, I…hey."
"Wordgirl. Hello."
"I…thanks, okay? I really appreciate it. All of it."
"Eh, no big. I just think every growing child should experience their first dance, it's sort of a coming-of-age thing and I-"
-Wordgirl hugged Two-Brains, cutting him off.
"It's never all that bad, Doc. I mean, sure, I hate having to leave and fight crime but…to be honest, talking and trading quips with you villains is a lot of fun. You're all special people, each and every one of you. And…it makes the job a whole lot more entertaining because of it. An absolute…one of a kind experience."
Dr. Two-Brains doesn't say anything.
A few moments later, Wordgirl prepares to leave.
"Um, Wordgirl, one more thing!" says Mr. Big.
Everyone turns to glance at the pair.
"I…um…these dances are important to you? When is…when is your next school dance?"
"Exactly one year from now."
"Oh, bummer. A year from now, everybody in the world will be under my mind control, and they'll be doing whatever I say, so…so I guess you won't have any time for dancing, heh."
Wordgirl turns and starts to fly off.
"...But," continued Mr. Big, just before Wordgirl was gone, "on the chance that maybe, just MAYBE my evil plan to take over the world DOESN'T end up working out in the next year, well…I'm just saying, I had a lot of fun at this game night tonight. I wouldn't mind hosting my own, maybe…maybe EXACTLY one year from now, you know?"
Wordgirl smiled, nodding her head.
"WORD UP!"
And so, once again Wordgirl has found time to enjoy her civilian life, even if it's only for one night. This time, it is thanks to a very unexpected source; a group of villains who are, in a way, a very strange sort of extended family. After all, who else is your family but the people you spend the most time with? Is it truly impossible for you to become the least bit fond of the time you spend with them, as you bond over shared, one-of-a-kind experiences together?
I for one know that my time with you, dear readers, has left me feeling very fond of each and every one of you. And I hope you'll join us next time to experience another thrilling, heart-pounding adventure of WORDGIRL!