Current Training: Weapon Proficiency 5/10 - Complete!
Current Training: Swordmaster Style 0/10 - 7/10
Current Energy: 9
Saturday, March 19th, 2011
The Heap, Brockton Bay
"Same shit, different day, huh Chief?" Trainwreck asks you as you stumble through a Gap into his workshop.
"Oh hey, you're awake today. You want in on this?" You ask lazily, even as your Master darts off to start eyeing the weapons lining the walls - now replaced from the previous day's training.
"Depends. Do I get to beat you up too, or are you just looking for a substitute target?" He asks, pushing his suit through a stretch that you can only assume is purely for cosmetic purposes.
Trainwreck does a lot of that actually. Like he is subconsciously aware of how eerie it would be for him to remain absolutely still when not in motion, and takes steps to rectify it. He still has the odd moment of immobility to remind you that he is not, in fact, a fully functioning humanoid - something you still can't understand why his shard might have done - but most of the time he is always doing something to replicate humanity.
"I refuse!" "I refuse!" Both your Master and Nemesis yell at the same time as Taylor comes bounding out from around a pile of scrap, and the sword spirit skips over to stand in front of you. Nemesis sticks her arms in the air like a child demanding to be carried - which she basically is - but you find yourself briefly too distracted to respond when you get a look at the weapon your Master has decided to pull from the wall.
"...is that a gun?" You ask skeptically.
"It's a riveter. A ranged riveter. It's not a gun no matter how fast it shoots stuff. For legal reasons, you see." Trainwreck chimes in. Indeed, the device your Master is holding looks like a tremendous steampunk rifle.
"I don't wanna hit Trainwreck even by mistake. He's too good for that." Taylor explains, ignoring your question while simultaneously hitting a level on the side of the definitely not a gun she is holding that causes it to purr like the engine of a car and begin belching steam.
"Yeah! Trainwreck's a cutie!" Nemesis chimes in. She punctuates her statement by kicking you in the shin, to which you merely grunt and bend over to pick her up, depositing her on your Master's shoulders.
"Great. Now I just need you to convince any adult woman of that." Trainwreck grumbles under his breath, before getting an expression of annoyance on his face and adding; "you don't count."
"Hey! I'm not a person, I'm a sword! Age is a social construct!" Nemesis yells at him.
"Same rules as yesterday?" Taylor asks you casually.
At this point, you start to get suspicious, but you play along anyway. No reason not to.
"Yup. Ten seconds, miss and you get a slap on the head." You confirm. By your reckoning your Master should have another day and a half before she's done training, so you aren't honestly worried. She might be exceptional at using Nemesis to effect extreme violence on things, but she doesn't have the depth of experience required to use just any weapon, let alone the gun adjacent to the one she is currently holding.
Which is the whole point of this training exercise really.
"Trainwreck, can I get a countdown?" Taylor says, withdrawing a tag from her pocket and ripping it in half to activate it.
"What was that? You can't cheat, it defeats the point." You call her out immediately.
"Three." Trainwreck calls.
"It was just so that I don't hurt you too badly." Taylor says dismissively.
"Two."
"You couldn't hit me with an actual sword yesterday, I doubt you'll need-" You cut off as you do some quick mental math. Were your energy reserves lower than they should be? That can't be right, can it? Unless your Shard side had finished this training before you even woke up today. Would it do that? What would be the point? A prank?
"Call it a feeling." Taylor says with a slowly widening smile on her face as she hefts her weapon up to one shoulder to take aim. "You should start running." She adds almost as an afterthought.
"One."
"Wait, hang on, I don't think we have to-" You begin, hoping to stop the exercise before something untoward can happen to you.
"Go!"
There is a loud hissing noise, and you are forced to shift to the right in order to avoid having a large hunk of steel slammed into your shoulder. Two more blasts release in quick succession, and you are forced to evade them by leaping into the air to dodge the first, and catching the second on the flat of your blade - deflecting it off to the side where it harmlessly impacts a wall.
"Shit, shit, shit!" You yell - definitely not scream - as you sprint towards the nearest pile of garbage for cover.
You will have your revenge for this on… someone. But for now-
"Why does everything in here have a chainsaw on it?!" You demand as your Master opts to go through your cover rather than around it.
…with a seven foot long chainsaw on the end of a six foot pole.
"I love training!" Nemesis screams out joyously.
"Okay. Okay, enough of that." You pant quickly, waving your hands desperately at your Master before she can shoot the… it looks like a rotary canon but each of the individual barrels on the firearm has a sideways bayonet on it.
So its a combination of a minigun and blender.
And you hate it. Mostly because those rotating blades are currently an inch from your face.
"I really needed this." Taylor says with a beatific look of satisfaction on her face.
"You… needed to brutalize me?" You ask dryly, gesturing at your clothing to highlight all the places you have been stabbed, shot, or smashed over the course of the last thirty minutes. Your healing handled the actual injuries, but your clothing isn't so lucky.
Usually training with your Master lasts roughly two hours. Ofcourse, that duration is usually based on the idea that it takes at least that long to see any gains. If you absolutely had to hazard a guess as to the reason for this sudden acceleration of the schedule, you suppose you would be forced to concede that your Master really doesn't like feeling trapped.
Imagine that, a teenager who's shard connection gets stronger when you tell them what to do.
Of course that is a drastic oversimplification of what the humans call a Sechen Range, but still.
"I know we did some of this yesterday but you've been-" She seems to struggle for the right word when Trainwreck chimes in;
"Blue-balling."
"-you've been blue-balling me for like a week. And the whole God thing was really stressful, you know? I feel like I needed a spa day or something." She continues with a shrug.
You look at the - again - Gatling Blender doubtfully, then turn to Trainwreck. "It doesn't count if she says it 'cus you told her to."
"What? It totally does! What the hell do you care, you aren't even in the betting pool!" Trainwreck complains.
"Which is why I should count as a neutral observer. Obviously." You shoot back jokingly.
"You guys suck." Taylor says with a sigh after a stricken moment where she realizes exactly what she just said.
"Bet you I can change your mind with two words." You say with a smile. Taylor hefts her massive canon over one shoulder and lifts an eyebrow at you. Nemesis - still sitting on your Masters shoulders - hisses at the thing as it gets too close to her.
Like a cat.
"Well?" She presses.
"More training." You say with an easy smile. Taylor immediately points her weapon at you again with an eager smile on her face but you quickly put a halt to that.
"Sword training! With your sword!" You shout, taking a step away from her and drawing your own weapon.
Nemesis practically dropkicks the canon out of your Masters hands as she leaps off her shoulders.
And you never thought you'd say this but… thank God for that.
"Yo. Sup sis." You call out to Simone as you find her meandering the halls of the Heap. You yourself are doing the same, mostly because your current Emulation knows next to nothing about magic, and so is functionally useless when your Master decides to take Mem into her Wizard Tower to do… whatever Wizards do in their towers.
Magic, you assume.
"Brother. To what do I owe the pleasure?" Simone says pleasantly, curtsying to you even though she is wearing flip flops and sleeping shorts.
"Boredom, mostly." You admit, eyeing her. It's probably mean to say, but… you have a hard time trusting Simone. You are pretty sure the rest of the team feels the same. It's not so much that they dislike her, as there is the ever present knowledge that you are talking to a piece of the Simurgh. It's… hard, to ignore that.
Buuuut your current emulation is no stranger to adversarial relationships with family. So you might as well try and reach out.
"Ah. Mother is off doing some other insane thing I take it?" She asks curiously.
"You don't know already?" You ask with some amusement that quickly fades as the pale blond frowns at you.
"It might be a surprise for you to hear, but I don't have my gene donor's ability to foresee the future. I actually don't have any supernatural ability to predict things." She says, seeming almost annoyed with you.
"But- you're always doing it! Like, always!" You blurt out.
"I know everything about people that she knew when you cut me off of her. How much do you know about demons?" She asks, changing topics suddenly.
"Tons. This guy has been fighting them his whole life. I'm basically an expert." You answer immediately.
"Well, the Simurgh knew enough about human psychology and each individual human it paid attention to to perfectly model their behavior. I can't see the future, I just… know people. Really well, actually. Well enough to know none of you really like me much." She says, before trailing off and adding the last part in a small, tired voice.
You consider that for a second and - in keeping with your earlier thoughts - you can't really disagree.
"Why don't you come to breakfast with us? The rest of the family does it three or four times a week but you never show up." You offer slowly.
"Why? So I can distress everyone by making snide commentary about their inner thoughts?" She asks you with an uncomfortable shrug. "Better I stay here where I don't bother anyone."
"If you know so much about people, couldn't you just try harder to get people to like you?" You ask.
"Do you genuinely think manipulating people into liking me is better than being upfront about who and what I am, or is this version of you simply very stupid?" She snipes at you irately.
"Then what about just not acting so smug about knowing everything. Actually, why don't you know what Taylor is doing?" You ask. Simone rolls her eyes at you then spins you around and starts marching you up the hall.
"I know human psychology - that doesn't mean I understand all the weird magic or spiritual crap she has going on. I barely understand my own powers." She grouses.
"Huh. Look, just… try alright? I promise, the family is so used to Taylor that one more weird thing isn't going to throw them off that much. Hell, my first emulation was a serial killer, and the third was a humanitarian in the culinary sense of the word." You say with a shrug.
Simone stares at you for a moment, blinks twice, then snickers at you.
"I think the common thing to say here would be 'never change, brother', but we both know that isn't in the cards." She says with an indelicate snort.
"Yuuuup. You get used to it. Breakfast is at seven." You say with a smile.
"Really won't let it go will you? Fine. I demand pancakes." She says imperiously.
"I'll make sure your mom puts a little extra magic into them." You respond.
And then the entire building shudders.
'...Emmy, I messed up.' Your Master says, thankfully more embarrassed than concerned.
'…how?' You ask hesitantly.
'Really fast and on a large scale.' She responds seriously.
Well, you suppose it has been an entire day since something bad happened. That's gotta be a new record - right?
When you reach the top of the tower, it is to the bizarre sight of your Master desperately holding the door shut with a barrier of magical power so thick that rather than the customary see-through haze of blue, it is entirely opaque. Mem and Mun flit back and forth along the exterior of the barrier, casting runes into the air along its surface as fast as she can manage.
Your Master looks harried and more than a little embarrassed.
Mem looks like she is having the time of her life. You aren't saying that the girl appears to be developing a penchant for enjoying life or death situations that only magic can get her out of…
But you suppose you did just think it.
"What- what did you do?" Simone asks with a disturbed look on her face. The question is accompanied by a loud bang, and a crack spider-webbing across the surface of the barrier that your Master hurriedly patches up.
"Okay, so, you know how I made the tower to amplify my magic in case I ever had to defend the city from an Endbringer?" She hurriedly explains. More pounding sounds out, and this time is accompanied by an incoherent scream.
"...Yes?" You say warily, drawing your Devil Sword and leveling it at the door.
"And you know how-" another scream, and this time the floor shakes so much that you worry for the other people in the building who might have fallen over.
"-the PRT has me on contract to resurrect all the capes that died in Endbringer fights?" She continues hurriedly, adding another layer to her barrier that Mem and Mun have to quickly scoot away from before returning to reinforcing the thing.
"Yes?" Simone says, keeping her eyes on the barrier and casually switching to her 'costume' for all the bizarre white outfit she was born in qualifies as one. Her hand slides unconsciously to the sword that appears at her waist, and you can't help but realize that if there is anything Simone fears most, it is probably the unknown.
After all, what else is there to fear when you know almost everything?
"Well I figured out I could store excess power in the tower, and I've been doing that for a while now, and I thought that when I had enough I could try and just bring them all back at once so-" Taylor hurries to explain.
"Everyone from the Simurgh fight? Everyone? All at once?!" You demand, instantly getting flashbacks to… literally two days ago, when your Master did this same thing on Remnant.
"No! I mean, yes but not from that one fight! From every Endbringer fight! I thought- I mean we've lost so many people and- I'm sure lots of people would be happy about it, and it would meanthePRTwouldbehappywithmeandPiggotwouldbesupersurprisedbutthatsnotthemainreasonIdiditIwasjusttryingtoberesponsibleand-"
"What the hell does that have to do with whatever's behind that door!?" You demand quickly.
"I didn't do the targeting right! The sword has a soul and it counted as being in the fight so now it's-" Taylor desperately yells.
The barrier shatters into a prismatic rainbow of light, and Mem and Mun are thrown backwards under the overwhelming force behind the blow. The door to the room sails past you and down the stairwell with an aggrieved screeching of metal as it slides along the wall and out of sight.
And then an eight foot tall giant of a man sticks his head through the doorway.
"Hi! Sorry! She made me do it." The titanic nordic looking man says, twisting his neck back and forth as if to relieve strain and lifting a meaty paw to run through his short cropped black hair.
"I did not 'make' you do anything." A much shorter blueish green haired teen says as she steps around the titan to peer frigidly out at the group.
"You said you'd 'kill the door, the floor, and the building, along with everything adjacent to all of those things' if mom didn't let you out of the room and tell you where your boyfriend was. I don't approve of him, by the way." The giant says with a sigh.
"I'm super sorry- are we fighting? Talking? I'm just trying to get a feel for things here." You chime in. The giant turns to look at you and perks up as though to answer, but another high pitched voice interrupts him.
"Whore!" Nemesis yells, appearing in the hallway and pointing angrily at the teal haired woman.
"Virgin." She responds airily.
"Sis, come on. You're being rude to aunty." The giant says with a groan.
"Taylor? Who are these people?" Simone asks with a faux pleasant tone in her voice.
"The uh… the sword and the tree in the courtyard. I… did say the spell wasn't targeted right. It's uh… it's possible I might have brought back significantly more people than just the ones who fought in Endbringer fights." She says sheepishly.
"How… how much power did you have stored in the tower, exactly?" You ask carefully.
"Irrelevant. Mother, I require transport to my boyfriend's house, please." The teal haired woman - Gram, you assume - repeats firmly.
"Gram, you gotta say hi to grandpa and the kids before you leave. Seriously, you're being rude." The giant says.
"...Every second I wait is another moment that some dirty skank might realize how amazing my Greg is." Gram complains loudly.
You restrain the urge to laugh.
Simone does not.
"Greg?" She wheezes, doubling over. "You decided that Greg was the one for you? Aisha has been trying three times as hard as-" Simone begins to say while laughing so hard she snorts like a pig when she inhales. She doesn't really get to finish her statement however, because between one blink and the next, Gram moves from where she was standing to drop kicking the pale-haired girl so hard that Simone all but disappears as she rebounds of the wall and down the stairwell.
"...I will apologize to her, but I regret to inform you that I am straight. I see her as more of a… sister. Yes. A sister." Gram says with an even expression as though she hadn't just removed Simone from the conversation.
"Sis, you just kicked your actual sister straight in her chest." The giant - the tree, you guess, so… you're gonna go with Yew for now - says, crossing his arms in front of himself with a disapproving look. Gram gets a look of annoyance for a moment before her expression smooths out again and she smiles an eerily familiar smile at the giant.
It looks like your Master when she is going to do something malicious.
"You know, Yew, you're right. Why don't you get the whole family together. I'm sure they're around here somewhere. You can introduce me then. You know I'm not good with people. Please?" She says with a simpering tone that gives you the creeps.
"I can just-" Taylor says but Gram turns to glare at her in a manner that is so balefully terrifying that it makes her pause before she can finish.
"Hey! That's a good idea actually! Grandpa is usually out in the yard doing sit-ups and stuff right about now, I bet I can make it from the window if I jump!" The giant says with an almost puppy-like expression of joy on his face.
"Wai-" Your Master starts to say again, no doubt about to point out that she can assemble everyone by portal if she needs to, but she is too late. With a single mighty leap, the giant man turns and jumps out the window before anyone can stop him. His movement is so powerful that a sonic boom pops your eardrums, and you swear the window widened as he approached it to avoid being damaged.
"Uh." You say turning back to your Master only to find Gram standing directly in front of her on her knees with her hands clasped in front of her.
"Pleaaaaaaase Mom? Pleaaaaaase! I haven't seen him in weeks! I'm so lonely!" Gram cries out in a whiny tone.
"Huh. Thought she'd go with threats." You mutter, stepping around your Master and pulling a tag out of her pocket to rip next to Mem and Mun - therefore allowing them to hear again.
"I hate looking pathetic in front of Yew! Hate it!" Gram spits acerbically at you before turning back to Taylor with her bottom lip sticking out as though she is about to cry.
"...Can you promise you won't hurt or kill anyone, and that you'll be back before it gets dark?" Taylor puts forth uncertainly - clearly so off kilter by this entire series of events that she just wants it to be over.
"Yes! Thank you! I love you mom!" Gram cries out, leaping forward to hug your Master and swinging her from side to side fast enough that if she wasn't a superhuman her neck probably would have snapped.
"Hey! Bitch! That's mine!" Nemesis screams at her, rushing forward to punch the teal haired woman in the thigh.
"Just- just go. God, is this what parenting is like? I'm never going to date anyone." Taylor groans, wrenching open a Gap and hurling her new daughter through it.
She passes through with a wide smile on her face, and her fists out, thumbs in the air.
There is a brief pause as your Master looses a tired sigh. And then she speaks.
"Piggot is gonna be soooo mad."
"Piggot? I'm more worried about Aisha." You respond.