She eyed the suburban home before her with a mix of contempt and annoyance.
'Note to self. Ask mum for a cellphone.' She groused to herself.
This all would have been much easier if she could just phone Greg. Although, she was sure that if she asked any of her siblings, they would jokingly point out that the trouble was mostly going to be Greg's.
She spared a thought for those poor wretched souls who had to struggle for meaning in life and felt her expression soften slightly. They just didn't understand. She was a sword. She was destined to be used as a sword. She appreciated being ambulatory, and had a number of things to look into pertaining to ways to enjoy her new body - but she would have been just as content being left as a sword as long as Greg had come to get her.
Like he was supposed to in the first place!
Instead, she was here, at his house, knocking on his front door.
Mum hadn't felt it appropriate for her to burst into the Undersiders' hideout unannounced. She also hadn't approved of Gram sneaking into her wielder's room at night.
She'd have snuck out and done it anyway, but Simone had helpfully pointed out that showing up on his doorstep dressed like a 'fantasy' character would damage his 'secret identity'.
She had then proceeded to force Gram to watch the entire first season of 'Mouse Protector: The Animated Series', just so she had the proper context for things. Aaaand then there had been the wardrobe problem, her extremely distinctive looking hair…
It had been an entire ordeal.
But! Now! She! Was! Ready!
Bright white hair like her mother and sisters, bleached that way by Simone! Thick black stockings! Black knee-high boots that highlighted her calves! And a perfectly fitted cream sweater that came to just above mid thigh and acted as a faux skirt!
Had her sister made her spend an uncomfortable amount of time with the Tailor in a desperate, pathetic, attempt at flirting? Yes. But it was worth it.
Because now she was going to knock on this door-
Kknock knock knock
-and Greg was going to take one look at her and-
"Can… I help you?" A middle aged woman in her sleepwear asked blearily from the front door as it swung open to reveal her.
Gram stared blankly at the woman for a moment before reorienting her priorities and plans.
It always paid to get along well with your spouse's parents.
"Hiiiii Mrs. Veder! Is Greg up yet? I was hoping we could walk to school together?" She simpered in an overly cutesy and vulnerable tone, digging the toe of one boot into the stone step she was standing on and twisting it back and forth as though nervous.
She made sure to place the correct amount of embarrassment into the statement. Coming across as too eager would just throw the woman off after all.
"He… isn't…" she said slowly, squinting at Grams' hair suspiciously. Gram didn't directly respond except to continue smiling at the woman.
"But I guess I can wake him up." She added eventually, stepping back from the doorway and pausing as though searching for what to say next.
"Would you like to wait inside?" Mrs Veder eventually asked.
"Thank you, yes." Gram responded instantly, sliding forward and into the house before the woman could take a moment to reconsider.
"Greg! Greg, get down here!" Mrs Veder screamed loudly up the stairs, ignoring how close Gram was to her when she did so.
"Mrgle?" A thin male voice hoarsely groaned from the top of the stairs. Gram bent forward at an almost ninety degree angle in the dim, dim hope that her idiot would be wearing something risque at the top of those stairs like… boxers or possibly nothing at all, but when she found she couldn't see anything at all at the top of those stairs, she quickly bolted back upright and plastered a shy smile on her face to cover the leer she'd been sporting.
Just in time for Mrs Veder to turn around to eye her again.
"What… exactly… is your relationship with my son? You go to school with him?" She continues suspiciously.
Gram was almost offended by the suspicion. Almost. She was too good to be with most people. Knowing nothing else about the situation, it would be preposterous to believe that Greg Veder would end up with someone as perfect as her.
"Oh, I'm new in the country. I actually came here for Greg." She said pleasantly.
She wasn't sure why or how, but that… turned out to be exactly the wrong thing to say.
POV: Greg
"GREGORY VEDER YOU GET UP AND EXPLAIN TO ME WHY YOU ORDERED A SCANDINAVIAN CHILD BRIDE ON THE INTERNET RIGHT NOW!" His mother screamed at him with a fury usually reserved for when he did something catastrophically stupid.
Like trying to pawn her wedding ring so he could get a new console. Or when he had tried to prove he was ready to get his driver's license by… stealing the car.
Not a scratch on that thing when he pulled back into the garage with it, but did anyone care? Nooooo. And now he wasn't going to be allowed to get a license until he was too old for anyone to stop him.
Mind still hazy from sleep, Greg took his customary response to early morning screaming–
And went back to sleep.
For exactly four seconds.
Then he was jarred awake again by more yelling, this time accompanied by loud banging on his bedroom door.
Mom had stopped breaking into his room without knocking first shortly after he'd hit puberty.
'There are things no Mother should have to see', she had said.
"GREGORY VEDER!!!"
"Fine! I'm up!" He finally spat out, bolting up in his bed and growling in the back of his throat. He didn't have to be here. He made enough to live on his own. Lisa said she'd help him cheat his GED and everything.
…but he liked school and he didn't want to abandon his parents…
Grumbling to himself, Greg struggled his bulk out of bed, stumbling slightly as his prodigious bulk was never something meant to fit in his little bed.
It was constant now. Ever since he'd switched exclusively to using Sigurd's heart, no matter what he did, who he copied, his copies were always better.
And by 'better' here he meant 'muscular as hell'.
It wasn't a serious blow to his power's ability to grant him stealth - if he copied a scrawny guy he'd stay scrawny for a little while before his heart started to bulk him up again. But it was definitely annoying.
Worth it though.
As he was having that thought, he felt more than heard his bedroom door click open, and turned his head to figure out who was there.
There was no point being embarrassed about nudity when you had the perfect body anyway.
"Greg." A strange woman said, growling in the back of her throat the moment she laid eyes on him. His mother lay in a heap behind her - still breathing but unconscious - and the woman was breathing heavily even though she didn't look like she had exerted herself at all.
"…Taylor finally decided she couldn't leave me running around with this thing, huh?" He asked her slowly, rising to his full height in only his boxers even as his mind raced ahead of him. He started identifying what he had available. He couldn't fight here, his parents could get hurt, but there was no way he was going to survive one of Nexus' kids, minions, allies, or whatever the current theory on them was. This was already a losing battle.
And there was little doubt in his mind that this girl was one of Taylor's. The white hair was a dead give away, according to PHO. All of her 'kids' had it somehow.
"…What?" The woman said, rearing back like a cobra flaring its hood to stare at him.
Greg tapped on his chest - where his heart was - and waited expectantly. He couldn't make the first move - the woman was too close to his Mom. Briefly he spared a wishful thought for one of those punch dagger things that came with Gram.
Then he snorted and got over himself instead of sitting in a daydream about being better like he used to.
"You… know that I've come for your heart?" The woman put forth experimentally.
Greg nodded, fists tightening.
"Greg! I lo-" the woman halfway screeched, lunging towards him with an unhinged expression filled with enthusiasm.
The second she moved, Greg uncorked the well of power that flowed from his heart to his extremities, blasting his fist forward with all his might.
And then paused with his fist an inch from her face, as he felt a sharp object poke him in the throat.
"Greg, dear. Please explain why you are attacking me." The woman said in a conversational tone that in no way diminished the unholy rage burning in the single eye visible from behind his fist.
"You're here to rip my heart out. I know I can survive that, 'cus I don't think Taylor would want to kill me, but–" he started to explain, but paused mid-sentence to swat the blade away from his throat, instead grabbing the arm holding the dagger and hurling the woman behind him and onto his bed so that he could back up towards his unconscious mother.
"This isn't how I saw myself in your bed for the first time…" the woman complained, pushing some of her hair out of her face and glaring at him.
"Look, I read comic books. I'm not gonna get distracted and make some fatal mistake just because you're hot and keep saying suggestive things to me." Greg said, slowly crouching to feel for his mom's pulse without taking his eyes off his attacker. Was Dad okay? Did she already get him?
"I'm not suggesting. I get what I- …I believe there has been a misunderstanding here. I've been waiting for you Greg. Please, hold me?" The girl simpered, doing… exactly the thing Greg just said wouldn't work on him.
He already had a girl he liked, he reasoned, so naturally he couldn't allow himself to be seduced by-
…A sword?
Suddenly, between one blink and the next, there was a sword in his bed instead of a woman. A very… familiar sword.
"Gr-Gram?" He uttered, before blanching.
Suddenly, he realized that he much more preferred the idea that someone was here to kill him, somehow.
Greg Veder, who was destined for greatness and glory, did the only thing that came easily to mind at that exact moment.
He scooped up a pair of jeans and a t-shirt that barely fit him anymore…
Then he ran away.
"Why!" She screamed at him fifteen minutes later, having caught up to him as he jogged to the Undersiders' current base of operations.
The welding place had been cozy but when they had gone 'straight', as Lisa put it, they had been forced to move into a building they were actually legally allowed to be in. Thankfully, Theo was a pretty good boss, and had procured a suspiciously well-stocked safe house for them. Tattletale had given it one long look, gasped, then laughed, then told everyone else not to worry about it.
"Why what?" He asked her tiredly as she drew up alongside him, stepping slightly away from the strange girl - Gram, he supposed - when she reached out to grab his arm.
"Why are you being so difficult?! I'm a legendary magical sword and an attractive woman! I'm literally perfect! What is your problem, Veder?" She hissed at him, all trace of seduction absent from her expression as genuine ire replaced it.
Greg pondered for a moment how he could explain to her that he actually didn't want to be famous, or powerful, or any of that other stuff. He actually liked how his life was right now just fine.
So instead he said;
"I already have someone I like."
He took six more steps before realizing Gram was no longer following him, and was instead staring into the middle distance, as though trying to compute something unfathomable.
POV: Gram
Her mind raced as she considered every possible permutation of this situation - and how she would deal with it.
Finding out the man that belonged to her was pining after someone else was within her calculations, to a certain degree. If the fool had fallen for her mum well, he at least had good taste. And it should be easy to get Taylor to reject him so she could move in and pick up the pieces.
The problem was, she didn't think it was her mother Greg was talking about. There were only two women on the Undersiders though, so-
Actually.
"Are you gay!?" She blurted out, flushing as she rushed to catch up with Greg.
"What? No! N-not that there's anything wrong with- I don't have anything personally against- I'm not gay!" He blurted out in sudden distress.
She tilted her head downward to stare at her perfect self, then lifted it again to arch the patented Hebert Eyebrow at him in silent question.
"I'm not a hormone-addled idiot either." He groused, turning away from her to continue stomping along the sidewalk, obviously in a foul mood.
God, she wished he was. That would make this so much easier.
At length, and amidst the sudden awkward silence that now stood between the two, Greg led her to the rear of an office building that obviously hadn't seen use in several years, and then quickly unlocked the door with a key from his pocket before slipping inside. She made to follow after him, but he stuck a hand out to block her.
"Wait a minute." He said before turning away from her.
"Hey guys, we got company! Masks on!" He hollered inside. He waited for a ten count with no audible response, then shrugged and moved out of the doorway, allowing her entry.
"Look, I get that you and I have a… a thing… but just…" he trailed off, like he was unsure of what to say or do on the topic then sighed, loudly.
"Look, I need to talk to someone about this, so-" he began.
"I'd love to listen to anything you have to say-" she tried hopefully.
"-someone that isn't you. Living room is on your left. If you hurt my team I will never forgive you." He said, and the force behind that statement was so abruptly powerful and violent that she was left trying to decide if she was offended or aroused by it.
Then before she could comment, Greg whirled and headed towards a stairwell that he promptly leapt to the top of in a single lazy bound.
Irked at the dismissal, but more than aware that she wasn't going to win any points by harassing the man, Gram grudgingly headed to the room that Greg had pointed out to her before leaving.
Her first impression of the room was that it reminded her of Trainwreck's junkyard.
It was a mess.
It was like someone had taken one look at this room, with its rich expensive looking carpet, mahogany bar on one end of the room, a large television screen against the wall and said; "This could look more like a frat lives here."
Soda cans, empty pizza boxes, and dirty clothing lay strewn about the room like a thin layer of sediment covering the floor. Two large fans were on and pointed at the same spot in front of the television, which was displaying a video game of some kind - she didn't care for the things - while the pasty, almost albino teen seated in front of it tapped away at his controller.
"…Hello? Are you one of Greg's friends?" She asked politely, carefully schooling her features to hide her contempt.
"If you ask him then he'd probably say I was, I guess. Are you here to break all our stuff and arrest us?" The blond youth asked lazily, dropping his controller in his lap and leaning back in his chair until he was staring at her upside down.
"That… wasn't an answer." She replied, again barely restraining her annoyance.
'Good impression. Good impression!' She chanted angrily to herself.
"It wasn't? Huh. So what's your deal? You're one of the Queens, I assume, on account of the hair. Babysitter? Parole Officer? Just here to check on us for mommah?" He asked patronizingly. She noted that he hadn't bothered to put a mask on to speak with her, and she couldn't tell if that was because he realized there was no point - or if he just genuinely didn't care.
She didn't even question the boy's assigned title for her mother.
It was more correct than he would ever be aware of.
"None of the above. I am here to support my future husband in his endeavours." She said blandly.
"…You're fucking Brian?" The blond asked incredulously.
"…who is-"
"You're fucking Greg!?" He amended incredulously.
"…I would like to be." She said with a shrug.
"Cool… cool. Hey, between you and me, you can drop the act. Can't play a playah." He said in a sing-song voice before turning his attention back to his game.
"I'm sorry?" She said politely.
"That. Stop doing that." He said idly and without turning around.
Gram considered that for a moment, then shrugged.
"Fine. I seek to make Greg mine. I would appreciate your support, as his friend, in this manner." She said bluntly.
"Yeah, G-man has a whole thing going on with Tats, so I dunno if-" he started to drawl.
"I will ensure that you stay free and clear of my mother's work and influence for as long as I am allowed to stay." She interjected.
He paused again, turning back towards her.
"You really think I'll sell out-"
"I will personally purchase and provide you with pizza every night." She added.
"From-"
"Big Rico's, yes."
"Tattletale and I are friends, I barely-"
"What was it you said? Don't play a player? Take the deal." She sighed out, already exhausted from having to deal with this pissant.
"Done! I'm Alec by the way. Regent on the streets, as it were."
"I had assumed that to be the case, yes." She said dryly. It was at precisely that moment that the door opened behind her, and she whirled around hoping for Greg…
Only to find a tall black man in workout clothes with a motorcycle helmet on his head obscuring his face.
"Regent, what the hell was G-man talking… about." He barked then trailed off as he laid eyes on her.
She resisted the urge to pose for effect. Barely.
"…Hi. I'm Grue. You've met Regent. Who are you and why were you brought here?" Grue stated bluntly, shoulders tense.
"Brian! Buddy! Chillout! Greg brought us a new team member. He's probably upstairs talking to Lisa about it now." Alec called out to him, not at all relieving the tension in his shoulders.
"We have a job today. We can't afford this right now, and we aren't being paid enough to hire an extra team member." He growled.
"Oh, I don't need money." Gram offered hopefully, once more in her demure voice, clasping her hands in front of herself as though scared.
"Still. I'll take it under consideration and talk to our boss, but for today-" Brian began to insist only for her new ally to chime in again.
"Hey, you said Wizard Girl or whatever was your sister, right? What's the junior league for the Oathbound upto nowadays?" He asked - completely changing the topic.
Curiously, Brian allowed the change, his head snapping first to Alec and then back to her again in quick order.
"The girls are… fine. I haven't had the opportunity to speak to them recently. I am quite fond of Ai- of the one with the sword. She has worked honorably towards her goals." She said primly, disguising the fact that she was literally born yesterday, and so, hadn't actually interacted with any of them at all.
"She's- they're good, though? Safe?" Brian asked slowly.
Gram allowed herself to snort at that.
"I assure you, if anything happened to them, mother would promptly fix it and then destroy whatever did it. There are few people safer." She said, trying to piece together the subtext of this conversation.
She knew Aisha had a brother but… he couldn't be.
Could he?
Ooh, that would be perfect!
Brian returned to staring blankly at her for a moment before speaking again.
"I… see. What exactly are your powers?" He asked carefully.
Mentally, she marked him as 'handled' in her mental book of grudges. Who was left? The dog one and the blond one, right?
"They-" she began only to pause when a voice next to her head rang out.
"Fou~" it cried in a high pitched cutesy tone of voice.
She practically flew across the room and through the wall to escape it. She didn't know why, but an overwhelming and somehow familiar sensation of primal terror coursed through her soul just from hearing that thing, and it was all she could do not to burn that half of the building down on instinct.
Brian did get to see what her powers were though. At least some of it.
So that was something.
POV: Lisa
"So the sword is a hot babe now? Damn, you lucked out, Veder!" Lisa said with a cheery tone and a cheeky smirk, even though inwardly she felt like someone had just punched her in the stomach and robbed her, leaving only the taste of ashes and bile in her throat.
She was aware that what she and Greg had going on was far from healthy. On some level, she even understood that she had gotten almost too used to it.
Toxic codependency requires both individuals to-
"Yes, thank you power, very cool." She thought to herself, clamping down harder on her fraying control. She had been eyeballing a map of the Heap all morning in final preparation for the job today. Ironically, she was only able to see the place because her job was to protect it and prevent bad things from happening to the crowds that would inevitably be there.
She was woman enough to admit that she disliked Nexus too much to ever be able to observe the property under normal circumstances.
"Yeah, I guess…" Greg said, sitting only a few inches away from her and twiddling his thumbs like a kicked puppy. The hell did he want her to say? Was she supposed to get angry or jealous here? They weren't really dating and she had already made it clear they probably wouldn't ever be.
She just wasn't wired for physical intimacy like that.
Still, the sad dejected look on his face made her feel all the worse, and she mentally screamed at herself when she realized she had taken his hand in one of her own before speaking again.
"Hey don't worry about it. I don't trust her, but no way Nexus-"
"Taylor. You can just call her Taylor." Greg interjected.
"I try not to humanize the things that go bump in the night, Greg." She thought in response. But instead she just continued onward with her statement.
"-no way she lets that thing get too far away without supervision. It kills Endbringers. Just ignore her and she'll probably go away eventually." She finished.
"I don't think that's going to work…" Greg grumbled to himself.
Privately, Lisa doubted it would either. But she wasn't exactly looking forward to picking a fight with anyone over it, so just this once, she hoped that doing 'the right thing' and going legit would give her enough good karma to dodge this bullet.
As though God himself was laughing in her face for the thought, the door to her room slammed open, and a surprisingly diminutive - but buxom - girl strode in. She could just barely make out Brian, Rachel, and Alec standing in the hallway outside.
"I have the solution to all problems!" The newcomer - Lisa assumed it was the talking sword, but only because Brockton Bay was where common sense came to die - declared haughtily.
"Wow, you figured out world hunger? Shocking!" She spat out sarcastically.
The girl frowned at that, then amended her statement.
"I have the solution to all our problems!" She repeated.
It was at this point that Lisa started to get a bad feeling about this situation. Actually, she'd been having that feeling ever since Greg walked into her room and she had resolved to let him down easy, for his own sake, but had ignored it because of the sick roiling in her stomach.
"Rachel has kindly pointed out to me that I may be overthinking things. After examining grandfather's situation, I now realize that either we are all happy, or that no one will be happy. Thus, we shall all date!" She declared imperiously.
"I already told you I already have someone I like." Greg said weakly, turning away from Lisa so she couldn't see his obvious blush.
"Yes! So you will date both of us!" She declared again.
Lisa's brain froze.
"You can't be serious!" She blurted out before her mind could catch up to her mouth.
"Yes! And as is only fair, I shall date both of you!" Gram continued.
"She can't be-" Lisa inwardly screamed, loosening her grip on her power all at once in a panic.
Is absolutely serious
"I- buh- that- what-!" Greg burbled incoherently in a daze from next to her, while she was too busy experiencing the novel sensation of her own brain shutting down and ceasing all cognitive functions, until Gram rolled her eyes and slid herself into the narrow space between the two of them.
"I am honestly glad we resolved that. It was very distressing." The sword-turned-woman said blithely, snaking one arm around both Lisa and Greg's waists.
"Now, about today's job…"
A/N: She just wants to be wielded bro. Anyway, here's the lead up to the mall opening and also, the tale of how Gram more or less forces herself on the Undersiders. Hope it was at least entertaining.
Thanks for reading!