A New York Evening

by LangsonGal

Based on the Video Killed The Radio Star episode in s23. Trevor and Olivia's date at the gala and what happens afterwards. Originally a one shot but with all the lovely comments and encouragement, this will be multichapter :)

12. Chapter 12

A/N

I hope you guys enjoy this. Please leave feedback :) its been a bit quiet here so im just wondering if this is getting boring and I should wind it up lol.

Hope everyone is going well. Hope to update this again shortly, maybe. xo

---

"Am I doing this wrong?" Olivia asked looking at the perfect form that Trevor's tumbler was making. "How did you get yours like that?," she asked with a frown. They had agreed they would make a clay tumbler for each other but she wasn't so sure they would be leaving with two. "Why does mine look like-"

"Fuck!," she exclaimed loudly as one side of her creation fell off. She quickly looked around, "I'm so sorry!," she apologised, holding her hands up, embarrassed for cursing so loud in front of everyone despite other couples laughing and telling her it was okay.

"We're all adults here!" Imogen laughed lightly too.

"Baby, its okay, just maybe use a little more water or work the clay more…"

"Fuck, indeed," Imogen giggled looking at her broken vessel. "Okay, so let me give you some advice… She picked up the clay, "feel how hard this is…"

Olivia squeezed the clay. It was still quite solid. Imogen picked up an off-cut of Trevors, "feel the consistency of this…"

"Great he's gonna get a big head…" she mumbled with half-annoyance.

"Aww, that's cold," Trevor laughed, a little bit thrilled to finally be better at something than she was, but feeling bad that perhaps it would make her enjoy the activity less.

They laughed, "I think the problem is that you just need to soften up your clay more and it wont break apart like this, it'll hold firm like Trevor's." She smiled, "maybe this big strong man of yours can put some of his muscles to use and help you roll it out and ball it up nice and hard and then work it til its at a good consistency.

"I'd love to help you," Trevor smiled at Olivia. She pouted.

"No, I don't need a man…" she told him half-jokingly. She smiled at him to let him know she wasn't entirely serious.

"Think of handling the clay the way you make love," Imogen told her whimsically, "lots of gentleness, knowing just when to apply pressure and when to reeeeeel that back in and use your soft touch," she glanced at Trevor, "I'll bet you know all about that," she glanced at his tumbler and then winked at Olivia knowingly, "it shows."

Trevor started to blush and Olivia couldn't help but to find it amusing how the instructor had taken a shine to him. "To be fair, he does," she couldn't help but add.

"Liv!," he chastised her with disbelief.

Both Imogen and Olivia laughed.

"Baby, come on, stop it… you're embarrassing me," he felt hot around the collar.

"And I'll leave you with that," Imogen laughed in spite of herself and went to check on her other students.

Trevor turned to Olivia and stared at her for a minute, "you are enjoying this aren't you?," he asked with a little smirk.

"I enjoy that you know how to touch clay like a woman," she giggled. They both laughed.

"So do you need some help or…. Do you want me to continue manhandling my own clay?"

She gave him a little shove. "You think you're such an expert at this…"

"No," he shook his head and leaned over and lowered himself until his lips pressed against her ear. "But… actually, I've never heard a single complaint from you about the way these hands," he held out his palm, "touch…." He whispered the last word slowly and seductively in her ear.

He was surprised to see goosebumps rise upon her arms. He planted a soft kiss on her cheek. She turned her head to face him, giving him a little smile, one that told him he was right. She never had anything to complain about as far as his touch was concerned.

"See, not so full of jokes now, are you Captain?," he asked, raising an eyebrow.

He reached up, swiping his wet-clay fingers across her cheek, leaving an earthy, muddy streak across her skin. He couldn't help but to giggle at the shock on her face. "Hey!" She tried to reach up to take his face in her cold, wet muddy hands but he grabbed them and held them away from him and drew her body close to his instead. She relinquished control and sank in to his body.

"You're incredibly adorable…" he chuckled, pressing his lips lingeringly against hers, not really caring about what people thought anymore. He was happy to tell the world and show the world how deeply he loved the Captain of the NYPD SVU department.

She felt her cheeks flushing but she couldn't deny how much she loved him either. He relaxed his grip around her arms and let her cuddle in to him warmly. He could feel her neediness by the way that she gripped him and squeezed him, not too tightly, just in a firm way. She was tough as nails when she needed to be, but she was never, ever hardened by her past or her job or anything going on with her when she was around him and he loved the softness that he showed her. He knew she preserved that part of herself only for him and both Noah and Ava.

And perhaps her victims too. He had seen her tear up upon a disclosure or fall to pieces when she had rescued children from situations too difficult to describe.

Slowly she broke away from him. "Okay," she sighed, giving him a little smile. "Show me… what am I doing wrong?"

"I don't think you're doing anything wrong, baby," he told her sincerely and encouragingly, "I think like Imogen said, the clay is too hard still and not warm enough, you need to just maybe add a tiny bit more water and roll it. Do you want me to do it for you?"

"No, I'll do it… it just feels like its never gonna soften…"

"Pass it over here and I'll get it rolled out, it takes a lot of muscles…" he winked.

Olivia rolled her eyes and stepped out of the way so he could roll it. She knew she needed to let him help because she was losing interest and growing frustrated.

/

"Look how good you're doing!" Trevor remarked, smiling. He was finished with his tumbler and was about to glaze it read for firing in the oven. He took a small little sharp razor tool and hunched over the table.

"Thanks honey," she replied looking over at his creation. It looked so good. Hers was a little wonky still but the small turntable allowed her to try to fix up the imperfections that she was unhappy with. "I never realised you were so artsy."

"You never asked," he winked. "I'm full of surprises, love."

She chuckled and watched him etch the design of a ribbon across the top of the perfectly symmetrical tumbler. With the precision of a surgeon he started to etch some words in to the ribbon.

"What are you writing in to my cup?" Olivia asked.

"Its a surprise," he replied.

"When you're finished that, can you get your sweet butt over here and help me get the stupid ridge out of this or else your coffee or whatever will get stuck in this weird little dip in the pottery," she told him as if it were a threat.

She stepped aside again, but he waved her back in close and put an arm around her waist. "Put your hands on the the cup, really, really lightly…" he guided her, resting a hand on her aproned hip and the other hand over hers. "Put your thumb on the inside of the cup, rest it just there and slowly, slowly, slowly add a tiny bit more pressure as it circles around the wheel and it should even out all the way around, two much pressure and you'll lose it too quickly…"

Olivia could hear his low tone against her ear, getting lower as he spoke. She knew she wasn't going crazy and that there was something a little more than metaphorical about the way he spoke to her. His words were hitting her where she was weak and it wasn't lost on her that his hips pressed along the side of her body where a slight bulge in his pants could be felt. The feeling of him turned on standing against her thigh caused a little bit of discomfort in her own pants.

She leaned back in to him a little as she followed his exact instructions, which immediately smoothed the dip as he had promised. He planted a soft kiss on her neck. She almost had to close her eyes and take a deep breath as she felt his moist lips contact with her tingling skin. She let out a silent breath. "Thanks…" she murmured.

She felt his hand grip her hip, squeezing her slightly. "See? I told you that you could do it… now you have the magic touch…" he smirked to himself and leaned against her ear, "maybe you could try it at home and I could watch…"

She nearly snapped her head back to look at him, trying to figure out what he was asking of her. "Me?" She nearly choked on the dryness of her throat.

He laughed as he pulled away and shrugged, "Sure, why not?" his face heated up as he put all of his attention in to his engraving.

"I'm a little confused," she said softly, stopping the clay wheel, happy with what she had created with a little assistance. "You want me to …" she looked around, "touch you like that…or?"

He chuckled. "No… not me…"

"Oh," she said, realising that her immediate thought had been correct — that he was asking something of her in the bedroom that perhaps she wasn't really confident enough to do. She tried to digest his back-handed way of throwing something out there.

He shrugged, "just an idea… but," he started feeling very self-conscious, "its okay."

"No…" she shook her head, working on her own engraving, both of them trying to seem totally comfortable with their bedroom negotiations in the middle of an art class and quite frankly, Olivia was starting to wonder how long they had left until she could get him alone.

Despite not entirely knowing if she could pull off his request without feeling too embarrassed or self-conscious, she appreciated that he felt like he could say it. "I like that you said that," she told him carefully. "I like it when you are honest about stuff like that… it's important and no one has ever been honest with me about…" she knew Imogen was close by and didn't want her to overhear their very private discussion, "what you want," she finished.

He turned his head and glanced at the woman that he loved so much. They shared a smile, finally feeling the moment of discomfort pass. "I love you," he replied, "but know that I'm also happy as things are…"

"I love you too," she reached over, and left three finger streaks of clay on his cheek. He couldn't do anything except grin at her. He didn't care. They both laughed and went back to their creations.

/

"I can't believe you…" Olivia laughed as they made their way back in to her apartment. Trevor was still laughing. Olivia had only just discovered how much clay was streaked over her face as they entered the lift to her apartment and she came face-to-face with a mirror. "I spent all that time washing that clay from my hands and you didn't tell me it was on my face and let me walk the streets of New York like I'd been rolling around in Washington Square Park all night…."

He closed the door behind him, still laughing. "But… I just think you look so cute…" he replied. She pushed him against the wall, planning to wipe some of the mud on to him, but as he towered over her with his beautiful grin, she couldn't help herself, she wanted to be kissed instead. He didn't need her to tell him. Pressed back against the wall beside the front door he leaned over her, taking her face in his hands and pressing his lips against hers. "Mmmmmm…" he murmured against her, "I have been thinking about doing that all afternoon."

"Me too," she replied.

He recaptured the kiss and filled her mouth with his tongue, working his lips against hers and letting his fingers disappear in to her messy top knot which had all but fallen out of the elastic that had been holding it in place.

Trevor felt her hands disappear behind his waist, lowering down to his ass. She grabbed his flesh and squeezed him tightly, pulling him against her. He wasn't used to her being so urgent and so forward, but he definitely didn't mind. He let out a sigh as she hastily found her way to the front of his jeans and began to unbuckle them. She undone the fly and pushed the waist band down until she could see his underwear.

"What do you want me to do, Baby?" He asked, breaking the kiss. "Do you want me to do you right here? Or in the bedroom?"

She smiled up at him. "I don't need you to do anything right now, I need you to let me do something…"

He didn't need to be told twice. He knew what was coming and he was powerless to it. He let his head rest back against the wall, leaning in to it as her hand covered his growing erection. She massaged him softly at first, trying to make out his form over the top of his briefs. She wrapped her other hand around him and caressed the back of his thighs and his ass.

"Fuck…" he cursed letting out a sigh of what he knew would be leading to relief. He felt her soft hand along his shaft making him hard as a rock.

Olivia watched the muscles in his face tense with pleasure, his eyes shut tightly and his breathing had become laboured in anticipation for her to remove his underwear. She smiled, loving that she could bring him to hardness in less than a minute from the implication of what she might do. "Does that feel good?," she asked as she reached beneath the material, wrapping her hand around his erection.

Trevor opened his eyes, relaxing his body for a second as he nodded, "it feels so good, love…" he replied. He watched her, his lips curling up in to an intoxicated smile as she moved her hand up and down along his shaft.

Constricted by his underwear, Olivia reached for the waist band and pulled it the material down, pushing the elastic down to his ankles to get them out of the way. His penis sprung forth. She paused to kiss him softly as she used two hands, caressing his undercarriage, causing him to gasp in both shock and pleasure.

"Is that okay?," she asked making circles upon the head of his erection with her thumb.

"You're driving me fucking crazy, its too good," he chuckled in disbelief, speaking from the back of his throat — full of lust and love for his woman who was giving him all of her attention.

"Give me your hand…" she commanded.

Confused, he didn't argue, he held out his hand and realised he wanted her to assist her down to her knees. He tensed his arm so she could put her weight on him as she got down. It wasn't a position he was too used to seeing her in, but he realised how sexy she looked as she grinned up at him. Grabbing on to his shaft and running her tongue along him, avoiding his most sensitive areas at first.

"Liv…" his voice trailed off, he wanted to give her a compliment but the words got swallowed up by the delight that he felt as his penis disappeared in to her warm mouth, her lips tightening around him the further that she took him in. He felt her tongue swirling around him and her hand at the base of his shaft; the other massaging his balls.

She concentrated on making sure she gave every bit of him her attention with her mouth, leaving him oozing with pre-cum and groaning with pleasure.

Throwing him over the edge was her open display of her tongue circling the head of his penis as she worked her hands up and down along his shaft. "Liv… I'm gonna come…" he announced, "I'm not far…" she felt his hands in her hair, trying to be gentle.

"I don't care, come in my mouth," she replied, giving him her best eyes, not breaking contact until he was sure that she meant it. She let him disappear back in to her mouth. Her tongue swirled around him. She gripped the base of him to stop him from accidentally thrusting in to her too deeply. She felt him tense up and she knew it was happening. He let out a loud groan as surge of warm liquid filled her mouth. She continued to work her tongue over him until he was finished, until his body collapsed against the wall and his thighs jutted and trembled. Olivia finished cleaning him dry with her tongue.

"Love," he chuckled, "stop, my cock is too sensitive." He reached down for her hand and pulled her back to her feet. She laughed too. "Fuck…" he sighed, "thanks Liv…"

"I love you…" she murmured.

"I love you…" he grinned, kissing her lips. "You really are something else…" he added, gazing at her with weary, starry eyes.

"I gotta have a shower to get rid of all this stuff off my face," she told him referring to the mud.

"Maybe I should join you for a cuddle, is that okay?" He always asked and never assumed. He understood that sometimes she might have wanted space.

"I will never turn down a cuddle from my love," she smiled.

/

"Did you have fun today, love?," he asked as he helped Olivia wash the shampoo out of her hair, slicking it back as she pushed the shower head out of the way. She opened her eyes and looked at him. His hair was wet and slicked back. She let her eyes linger over his masculine body— he really was a sight; a tall, sweet, kind-hearted sight.

"I had so much fun," she smiled. She reached up, circling her arms around his neck. He had to lean over her so she could reach. She pressed her body in to his and he couldn't help but to let his hands slid from her soapy waist down to her fleshy, round ass, hoisting her off the ground so that he could hold her closer and more comfortably.

"I'm always impressed when you pick me up like its nothing," she chuckled. He held an arm beneath her and pushed some wet strands of hair from her face.

"Why? You don't think my muscles are big enough? Do you think I'm weak, Olivia Benson?," he teased.

"What are you saying? You need strength and braun to carry my weight?," she rose her eyebrow.

Trevor laughed, "Oh no, no, no, you are not trapping me with this one, I know what you're doing. I think you are perfect as you are and you are not heavy— I love your legs and arms wrapped around me," he smiled, pausing to kiss her lips softly, tasting her tongue, "I love you…"

"I love you too. Thank you for such a perfect date. I can't wait to go pick up our stupid tumblers in the morning…. It was so much fun. Maybe we should do it again, an odd hobby no one would ever think Olivia Benson worthy of."

Trevor laughed at her referring to herself in the third person. "If you enjoyed it so much, maybe you should look at it as a hobby."

"Maybe crazy Imogen was on to something about art therapy…. Maybe we should try something else creative."

"Painting maybe," Trevor suggested, delighted that she had genuinely enjoyed herself. He paused to kiss her again, "I could paint your body if you like, maybe in something sweet so I could do something to clean you off…"

She giggled, "Stop it…"

He shrugged, "Just an idea, I feel like it would be kind of relaxing for the both of us,"

"Do you really want to make us late for dinner?," she wondered, "because I'm starving and you promised me hot sex tonight so I'm just thinking about eating enough to see me through to dessert."

A little smirk danced upon his light pink lips. He let out a throaty chuckle. "I could make us late for dinner, but I could also deliver after dinner too…"

"Uhuh," she nodded. "You talk a lot of shit sometimes, Trev, last night it was all, oh I'm gonna make you come, I'm gonna eff you, I'm gonna blind fold you blahblahblah," she pretended to sound bored, "I feel like there's a lot of empty promises being tossed around…"

"Oh," he rose an eyebrow, "you really think that, huh? Empty promises…" he couldn't help but to chuckle at the way she stared at him with starry-eyes but a daring smirk, as if she wanted him to give in to her. "I don't really need to prove myself to you, love, but I will…when the time is right."

"Mmhmm, just what I thought, all talk…" she replied, reaching behind him to turn the taps off.

She knew she was teasing him and she knew he understood she was just playing about but she knew there was a part of him that didn't like her underestimating him, even if it was just in good humour.

"Liv… where are you going…" he sputtered, with a laugh as she grabbed her own towel and wrapped it around herself and left him in her wake.

"To find clothes to wear to dinner," she called out over her shoulder deciding to pick the sexiest pair of underwear that she could find. She glanced in the wardrobe and knew exactly what dress she would wear. It was a green silk wrap dress that fell just below her knees and showed just enough cleavage to get him staring, depending on how loose or tight she decided to tie it.

He came out of the bathroom and saw her finishing up with the silk tie at her waist and smiled at how lovely she looked and she still hadn't even put on any make up. "You look great…" he remarked, as she turned around. She tried not to let her throat go dry at the sight of him wrapped in a towel at the waist after having trimmed his facial hair. He wasn't entirely freshly shaven, he still had a short beard that made him look incredibly sexy.

"So do you…" she replied, letting her eyes fall over him.

"Wow, do you want to put your eyeballs back in your face? Oogling me like I'm just some kind of meat…" Trevor teased with a grin that reached his beautiful pale-green eyes.

She laughed, doing as he did, ignoring him and sashayed past him back to the bathroom to put on some make up. The sexual tension between them was palpable and they were both acutely aware that if they laid hands upon one another they really would be late for dinner.

Olivia didn't tend to wear much make up now that she was aware of just how much he liked her to look natural, but she put on some eyeshadow and mascara and just a little eyeliner. She put on her favourite lipstick and finished up with a few sprays of perfume on her neck and her hair that she tied back in a ponytail.

She met Trevor downstairs where he wore a pair of fitted black jeans, a white shirt and a navy sports jacket. He looked incredibly hot. She smiled at him as she came down the stairs and grabbed her handbag. "Heyyyy, you look smoking hot! I love you in green," he paused, "any colour actually…"

She smiled, tickled by his compliment. "You look gorgeous too. I love these jeans on you…"

"Thanks love," he smiled, grabbing his keys. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah… let's go…" He tucked his wallet in to his back pocket and Olivia took the keys and put them in to her handbag. She slung it over her shoulder and took his hand. He guided her back to the front door. With one hand on the door handle he turned back to her and gave her a smile. "I love you," he told her softly. "Like, some ridiculous ground-moving love," he laughed at his cheesiness.

Olivia smiled so wide that her cheeks ached. "I love you too, you're my everything, I hope you know that…"

He leaned forward to kiss her. It was brief and as she pulled away, he let go of the door handle and cupped her cheek in his large hand and leaned in to her again, not being able to help himself.

He slid his tongue between her lips and pushed her back against the wall. "I'm all talk, huh?" He asked, letting a hand run down the warm soft skin of her arm.

"All talk," she repeated as if in confirmation as he kissed her urgently. He let his hand fall over the silk of her dress, finding his way to her plump breasts, finding the small peak of it beneath his thumb, causing it to harden and become visible beneath the silk. Olivia moaned in to his mouth breathlessly.

"My cock is so hard for you," he muttered as he tugged gently at her earlobe with his teeth, kissing her neck, intoxicated by the perfume that made her skin smell irresistible. "I don't think I can wait til after dinner…"

Her hand found the front of his jeans and before he knew what was happening she had his fly open and the waist band pulled down around his thighs, stroking his shaft until he was completely erect, pressing in to her dress. He hoisted her up and carried her back down the hall, her foot knocking something off the mantle piece as they went. He pressed her momentarily against the wall with the urgent need to kiss and nip at her neck, ignoring the breakage and enjoying the sounds of her whimpers as her carefully gathered hair began to fall out of the neat style with his fingers curling in to her locks.

She felt his erection pressing in to her as she thumped against the wall, his pelvis crushing against hers, his cock bumping against her core. She gasped and let out a curse beneath her breath as her mouth found his again, wide open, feeling his tongue against her, swiping hers as the heat between them became too much. All she could hear was their heavy, laboured breathing, their wanton urges become the sole focus.

"I promised you I was gonna fuck you on this couch," he reminded her as he let her fall the short distance on to the softness of the large grey couch in her living room. The scent of the flowers filled the room from a morning of them sitting on the coffee table. Olivia was absently reminded of just another reason why he was so perfect.

"So stop talking about it, Langan, do your thing and don't make me late for dinner…" she stared at the absurdity of his pants around his thighs, his alert and anticipating cock standing to attention.

He grinned at her. "You have a really smart mouth…" he accused her as he leaned down kneeling between her parted legs. He grabbed her thighs and firmly made his way up beneath the silk of her dress. He watched her eyes fall shut as he grabbed both sides of what he instantly realised was a flimsy excuse for underwear and pulled them down. She lifted her backside just so slightly to help him. He saw the little black thong and decided he would pay more attention to it later, he had other things on his mind. He didn't even bother pulling her underwear all the way off just as she hadn't with his.

He pushed her dress out of the way, not wanting to mark it. He let his eyes briefly fall over her glistening centre, ready for him, taken completely by the urgency and passion of how badly she craved him — maybe she had been wanting it from the second she finished with him when they had come inside, but either way he wasn't about to make her wait any longer.

He guided himself inside her, watching her face contort with concentration as he slowly pushed himself as far as she could take him. They locked eyes, sharing an intense stare that for some reason should have felt awkward, but never did. "Is this okay?," he asked.

He always asked and it meant everything to her that his first instinct was to always check in with her.

"Yes," she nodded with a smile, "it's definitely more than okay," she grinned, letting out a breath, almost dizzy from how full he made her feel.

"Good," he replied, leaning down briefly to kiss her lips. He began to move slowly in and out of her, setting a rhythm that she quickly became attune to. He felt her hips lifting to meet his short, deep thrusts. He moved a little faster, leaning over her, propping himself up on an arm by her head. "I fucking love you…" he told her breathlessly, leaning in to kiss her.

She let out a groan as he hit deeply inside of her, causing her hips to buck beneath him. "I love you too," she uttered in to the afternoon light. She continued to move with his body, enjoying the feel of him buried deep within her walls, filling her up, hitting the spot with each thrust that made her body do things of their own accord.

"Harder," she said softly, "go harder…" she loved the strong deep strokes inside of her that she was used to, the ones that lifted her off the surface and made the warmth spread all over her lower stomach and between her legs that sent tiny little shockwaves throughout her body until she could no longer stand it.

He knew how to build it up, not just going zero to ten instantly leaving very little for her to enjoy. He started out slowly and steady and allowing her body to warm to him, to alight all her little nerve endings and then he picked up pace.

"Shit…" she hissed, letting out a moan as her head lolled to the side with pleasure. He buried his face in to her neck and worked at her skin, kissing her and tasting her flesh as he moved harder and deeper, lifting her off the couch, hearing her gasp almost every time that he buried himself as his throbbing member hit that spot that made her slowly but surely come undone.

Olivia could tell by how long his thrusts lasted when he was almost there and lucky for her, the feeling was starting to build and he could tell too, he was picking up his pace, plunging in to her as deeply as he could at her urging. He was spurred on by her soft whimpers each time he connected with her. "That's it baby," he grunted, "get it…" he pumped inside of her harder - she cursed out loud as her body tensed and tingled and the warmth that spread throughout her legs and stomach began to have a ripple effect over the rest of her.

Trevor felt her contract tightly around him, he could feel her orgasm, her arousal evident between them as he continued to move, never wanting to slow in the middle of her coming, he knew it could put her off or put a quick end to it. He could sense when it was time to slow. She moaned beneath him and gripped tightly to his ass, pulling him until his pelvis crushed against hers and she felt him filling her up with a grunt. His fast and hard plunges inside her became short and tense as he finished; both of them breathless without control over their bodies that still twitched and jutted around, buzzing from both of their orgasms.

"Fuck…" he swore breathlessly. "We should be doing this way more often…" he chuckled.

Olivia laughed too. He reached for her cheek and kissed her lips. He stroked her hair from her face. She had lipstick smeared around her mouth so he knew he must have been wearing some of it too. "You okay?," he asked softly. "You're quiet, you worry me when you get quiet."

"I'm definitely okay," she smiled, "I'm just thinking about how much I love you…" she said almost as if the words were a little uncomfortable to say. "I hope that doesn't sound stupid-"

"Are you kidding? No, it's not lame. I love hearing that from you," he replied. He leaned forward and kissed her again. "I hope sex between us is just as mind blowing for you," he remarked, avoiding her eyes with momentary insecurity.

A smile spread across her lips. "Every single time you have me seeing stars," she chuckled. "I'd say that sex between us is always a raging success."

He leaned over her and put an arm around her and slid his tongue gently between her lips for a long, lingering kiss. He pulled away and smiled at her for a moment, gazing in to her beautiful eyes. He aligned his mouth with hers one last time. "Better go clean up a little and fix our hair and straighten our clothes for dinner…"

"After dinner can we come back here and have more mind blowing sex?," she wondered.

Trevor helped her up off the couch and laughed. "Yeah… after dinner is where the fun stuff comes out," he winked.

He caught her visibly shivering at the very thought of him having something a little different to usual planned.

/

"I told you I'd get us to dinner on time," he told her cheekily holding her waist as they were led to their table booking. He had made a booking at a beautiful Japanese restaurant that she had once showed an interest in going to. She loved how he picked up on almost every cue, nothing ever went over his head.

The waiter gestured toward the table and Trevor made his way to Olivia's chair and pulled it out for her.

She grinned and sat down. He pulled his own chair out and sat down. They had a seat by the window where they could look out and see a beautiful view of Central Park. "I'll give you both a moment to sit and I will be back with menus and some water for your table," the waiter interrupted.

"Thank you," Trevor nodded and smiled.

"Thanks for bringing me here, it looks amazing," she breathed, feeling particularly special. She had caught sight of some of the food being ferried to other tables.

"Of course. I remember when we first began dating you said someone you worked with had recommended this place," he told her sliding his hands across the table to hers. He took her hands in his and threaded his fingers between hers.

She squeezed his hands, "Yeah, but I find it amazing that you remember tiny details like that, most men wouldn't even be listening," she gave a laugh.

"When a man has a woman like Olivia Benson, he shuts up and cleans his ears out and hangs on to every last word that comes out of her mouth because he never wants her to stop intriguing him."

He always made her insides go to mush, or want to explode with feeling in a way that wasn't socially acceptable, especially in a public space. She breathed a deep, contented sigh. She lifted his palm and kissed it with a smile. "I love you so much,"

"I love you too," he repeated, never tiring of saying it and never tiring of hearing it.

The waiter arrived back with their menus and Olivia chose a cocktail to start while Trevor picked out a high end glass of whisky. There was nothing sexier to her than the smell of good quality whisky on a refined man.

He scooted his chair a little closer to hers so that the could speak a little more intimately and be closer together. He rearranged the things on the circle table and put an arm around the back of her chair as they looked out the city window.

The waiter arrived with their drinks and after a short discussion they ordered a few starters. Olivia couldn't wait, the menu looked amazing and she realised just how hungry she was.

She nestled herself in to the crook of Trevor's arm and felt content. "You know…" she began, looking up at him, "I don't ever feel like I express myself very well when it comes to my feelings but, I feel like I do okay with you…"

He smiled at her, happy that she felt comfortable with him.

"I think you do better than you think," he replied, "I don't want you to hold anything back, I want you to say what you feel…"

She sat forward and looked at him. "I want to tell you something but… I don't want to freak you out, we haven't been together that long and I don-"

"Olivia its okay, I'm sure whatever it is you want to tell me is something I've already thought of."

He absently drew patterns up and down the soft skin of her arm. He was kind, he was compassionate, he always had her best intentions at heart, she knew that he wouldn't be frightened by anything she said, so it was okay, she assured herself.

"I think you're it…" she told him, "I think you're my forever," she added softly as if she was too scared to put any volume behind the words.

She dared to look up at him and see a smile spread across those lips that she loved to kiss so much. "I think you're my forever too. And I think one day I'm going to marry you and I think that you're going to make a fabulous step Mom to my kid and I will be hands-down the best step-dad that ever existed to your son and maybe we'll move in together and be an actual family," he paused and laughed, "honestly, I think about all of that a little more than I'm comfortable admitting."

Olivia laughed despite the clear film that covered her eyes. "Do you mean that with your entire being?" She asked.

Trevor noticed her glassy eyes and weakened for her. "Of course love, I would never say anything like that unless I meant it with every little fibre of me."

She smiled back at him. "How long do we have to wait to move in?," she asked half joking.

They both laughed. "I don't know? When we know both of our kids are going to cope with it well."

"We could get a new place together, rent a place for awhile to make sure it works out and keep our own houses," she suggested.

"That's actually a good idea," he remarked. "I know we should take our time but I am so ready to wake up beside you every day and not have to feel confused over which apartment I'm in when I wake up in the middle of the night to pee."

Olivia smiled, "I know… we do need to take our time, I don't want to mess this up, I don't want to repeat old patterns."

"I don't think you will," he said softly, gently caressing her shoulder over the soft silk of her green dress. "I mean," he paused and angled his chair a little so he could see her face properly. He pulled his arm from around her and took her hand gave it a little squeeze. "I think there has been something deep down inside you that has told you that your past relationships haven't been right. It's not that you messed anything up, some of those relationships," he shrugged, "you didn't do anything wrong."

"Yeah?," she rose an eyebrow challenging him, "why did none of them ever stay? I kept to myself, I never shared my heart, I found it too hard and too vulnerable…"

"Because they weren't worthy, Liv…" he told her sincerely. "If they lost patience and walked away at times when quite frankly, you didn't have to be a scientist to figure out you didn't want to be alone, then they were not worthy, they were worthless and the trash took itself out… maybe its all been leading to us, maybe that's why this feels so easy."

She nodded slowly. "I guess there's still things we have to learn about one another," she told him thoughtfully, "I mean, I will never burden you with everything but-"

"Why not?," he interjected, "because over time I am definitely going to burden you," he gave her a smile. "I want to know all the good bad and the ugly, Liv, I want to know about everything, things you've been through that have shaped you in to who you are and I want to share all that with you too."

She gave a little chuckle in spite of her her eyes misting over again. "You feel too good to be true. They always say when something feels too good to be true, it usually is."

He held her gaze and thumbed at a tiny droplet of water that formed at the corner of her perfectly lined eye. "I'm not perfect, I'm not too good to be true, I think we have just connected on a deep level, love, and maybe its not something either of us have ever encountered before so it feels like a lot…"

She nodded in agreement.

"I actually have been wanting to tell you something for awhile… I actually considered telling Ava the other day because she was asking questions but… I don't even know how to bring it up."

"What is it?" Liv asked.

He smiled wryly. "We speak on the surface about our parents, right? You asked me where my parents were living and I told you they're in Virginia, remember?"

"Yeah…" her voice trailed off.

"I haven't seen my father since just after Ava was born… I realised I didn't have to keep up this weird charade of a relationship just because it was right and I definitely didn't want my daughter in his life, he had a way about him when I was a kid but he doubled down in his old age; you would hate him, Liv. He would scoff at finding out you are the Captain of anything because he just hates women and I don't even think he realises it."

Olivia was surprised, he rarely spoke about his parents but when he spoke about this mother, he never mentioned anything negative. She realised he'd only mentioned his Dad in passing but she never really got an idea of their relationship.

"I'm sorry, that must be pretty awful to have a father like that."

He shrugged. "I've mentioned my Mom a few times and I don't know why this feels like such a big secret, maybe its because…" he paused, feeling his mouth go dry, struggling to say the words and Olivia realised it wasn't really something he found easy to talk about and she understood entirely.

The waiter arrived with some food and Trevor sat forward, feeling somewhat thankful for the interruption.

Two small starters of soft shell chilli crab and some sashimi that was topped with something Olivia didn't recognise but it looked amazing. They gratefully thanked the waiter. Trevor pushed his sleeves up picked up a pair of chopsticks to serve some of it on to Liv's plate. Her hand gently touching the bend of his elbow stopped him. "Love, it can wait a second, I want to hear what you were going to say."

He glanced her, grimacing. "I don't have to tell you, it's actually not that important."

"I don't believe you," she replied. Her tone was warm and open and he knew that if the tables were turned, he'd want to know — he'd hate that she had something he knew she found hard to talk about and changed her mind about telling him last minute.

He set the chopsticks down carefully and sat back against the chair. "I don't want this to be an emotional conversation," he said with a regretful smile. "So, I'm going to keep my emotions out of it and … just get it off my chest."

"It can be emotional if it needs to be," Olivia replied. She always had the most perfect response to him.

"Not in public," he said with a little half-hearted chuckle. "I guess I just wanted to tell you that my Mom is no longer with us. She suffered depression when I was a kid and she took her own life when I was 12. My Dad gave me a choice to go live with his sister or boarding school. I lived with my aunt for about 2 weeks and then begged my Dad to send me to boarding school…"

Olivia was surprised; shocked even. He had talked about idyllic summers as a happy, only child. She wondered why he had lied to her. She wasn't angry, she had done the same, by omission, but still. "You told me about all those great summers…" she murmured.

"I did have some great summers before I was old enough to realise what a psychopath my father was and that my mother was only crazy because of the things that he did…" he shrugged. "Behind every woman who repeatedly gets called crazy is a man who has done something to cause it," he said with a light-laugh, "I mean, I would say that applies about 89% of the time," he smiled.

"I'm really sorry, Trev… does Ava know about that?"

He shook his head. "She knows that her paternal grandmother isn't with us, she knows that her granddad and I don't have a relationship and maybe I should let her choose now if she wants to pursue that, but I can guarantee that she would hate him too if she got to know him."

"That must have been incredibly hard to deal with."

"Yeah…." He nodded, thinking about how he had come home from school after spending the afternoon with his friends kicking a ball and horsing around non-the-wiser to what was waiting for him when he walked through the door. "Anyway, now you know the truth about that," he replied, knowing that if he got too deep in to the story, he might have become emotional in the middle of a high-end restaurant and he definitely did not want that.

"I guess my point is that I don't want to keep stuff from you, not the important stuff that makes up who we are."

Olivia could tell she had lost that vulnerable part by the way his body stiffened up and he became about business again, concentrating on her. She felt disappointed, but maybe the restaurant wasn't the time for a conversation as big as what they were sharing.

"I love you and I guess I'll try harder not to keep things to myself and share things as they come to mind even if its uncomfortable at times."

"Good," he agreed, "come on, let's not let this crab go cold…"

/

"Do you want to go and do something else or are you ready to go home?," he asked as he paid the check.

Olivia glanced down at her 7inch black Louboutins that she wore when she was trying to pretend were still comfortable after walking for from her apartment to the restaurant. "Let's maybe take a stroll back… slowly, I'm stuffed."

Trevor smiled, slipping his hand in to hers. They got to the sidewalk and he recognised her stilted walk from their first date. He smiled to himself. "Baby, you gotta start wearing more sensible shoes…" he joked.

"Its okay," she lied, "I can walk…"

It was just on dark and the weather was warm and romantic so they did take it slow. Olivia was still digesting what he had told her about his parents. She liked that felt so deeply about his remarks in defence of women but she still wondered how it was that he had been able to defend rapists and interrogate victims on the stand and still remark that he was a feminist or someone who cared endlessly about women and their rights and standing in society.

She brushed away the niggling feeling and concentrated on the Trevor that he was now; the good man, the recovered defender of criminals.

"Liv are you okay?," he wondered noticing that she'd gotten quiet.

"Yeah," she smiled, wincing each time her left heel hit the pavement.

"Baby, your feet are hurting, aren't they?," he chuckled, watching her try to play it down, "I love your heels, you look sexy as all get-out in them but… I dont want you to hurt yourself to look gorgeous."

"They're not that bad," she weakly protested.

"Take them off," he paused, pulling her out of the way of people walking behind them.

"Trevor," she laughed, "this is New York, are you crazy?"

"I'll piggy back you," he told her with so much seriousness that she couldn't help but to laugh. Trevor stared at her, wondering why she was hesitating.

"No, I'll look stupid," she replied a little sheepishly.

"Well, you're limping right now and I know they may look sexy, and believe me, I'm all for them, but maybe these can just be shoes you might…" he gave a non-committal shrug and lowered his voice, "keep for the bedroom, just saying…"

Olivia couldn't help but to laugh, her cheeks reddening.

"Come on, where's your sense of fun and adventure? When was the last time someone offered you a piggy back?," he asked.

"Never, I don't think…" she replied, "I don't think I've ever had anyone put their hand up to be my noble… swine."

Trevor laughed. "Okay so come on, stop worrying about what people think. This is New York, you wouldn't bat an eyelid at a man walking past you in a bra while walking a hamster on a harness."

She laughed and bit her lip, "Okay…"

Trevor grinned at her, "That's the spirit…"

"But what if I get too heavy…" she paused him before he turned around for her.

"You won't," he replied nonchalantly, "stop worrying about silly things."

Without giving her another opening to argue the point, he turned his back to her and crouched down just slightly and leaned forward. Feeling silly and a little awkward, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and her legs around his waist. She leaned against him until he was able to link his arms around her ankles.

"There you go, how's that?," he asked with a grin standing up straight.

"Its fine, I'm comfortable, thanks…" she circled her arms around her neck.

"Hey…" he began a thought suddenly striking him — something that they hadn't had the chance to discuss since it happened a few days earlier, "remember the other day when Noah got that letter sent home for being obnoxious to that kid who said his hair was girly?"

Olivia started to laugh. "Oh my gosh… yeah, that was slightly mortifying and yet simultaneously hilarious."

"When I read that letter and you were glaring at me, I literally had to put it down and walk away, I nearly burst out laughing so loudly and I know Noah saw my lips twitching because he got a tiny smirk too."

She started to laugh remembering how her son had seemed so non-plussed about what had occurred. He thought it was fair and just.

"I had to ask my kid, with a fucking straight face," she told him between short bursts of laughter, "why on earth would he think to call another kid an anus rash."

Trevor exploded with laughter at the memory and Olivia couldn't help but to laugh too. His laughter was loud and deep and contagious. People looked at them as he ferried her without a complaint back to her apartment. He was right, she didn't really care what anyone else thought.

"Anus rash!," he repeated a little too loudly. Olivia grinned over his shoulder, wondering if the two glasses of whisky he'd ordered at dinner had maybe gone to his head a little. Trevor was usually very cautious of drawing attention to himself in public, but he seemed to just be having fun. She couldn't help but laugh with him because it was too contagious not to.

"Stop it!" She giggled, "you can't laugh! You left me there to deal with that and then he tells me he learned about the anus in that fucking human body book you got him!"

His laughter was loud, guttural and it almost propelled her off to the side. "Trevor!" She slapped him on the shoulder, "if you drop me in public I will brain you with my heel!," she threatened him between laughter too.

The foot traffic had started to thin out a little as they got closer to her apartment.

"I bought him the book, I didn't teach him anything about an anus rash, you can't put that on me!," he told her as he calmed down, "I think that has got to be the funniest thing I've ever heard coming out of a kid's mouth. Honestly, I can't even be mad at him. The other kid said he looked like a girl, and Noah comes back with…" he lost his breath, a snort of laughter erupting as he broke up again, shaking his head. "Anus rash…"

"This looks cute," said a voice from the front stoop of her apartment. Olivia's own laughter came to a halt as soon as she saw Elliot.

Trevor felt Olivia's body turn to stone as she slid from his back — their fun instantly halted. He let go of her and turned briefly ignoring the detective, helping her adjust her dress as she steadied herself on her feet. He felt irritated that this man could change the mood so fast.

He caught Olivia's eye and tried to communicate silently that he had her back. He felt her slip her hand in to his. "Hi Elliot," she replied without emotion.

"No, no, by all means, don't let me spoil the fun, what's the joke?" He still couldn't believe that she was with him of all people. He tried to poke around but no one would tell him anything, he had no idea how long they'd been together, he wondered even if her son was Trevor's. He looked for wedding rings but couldn't see any.

Trevor said nothing, sizing him up. He really had no opinion of Stabler over the years he'd known him. He knew that the detective overstepped the line but with time and experience, he could sometimes understand why dealing with rapists would have pushed certain buttons. However, the dislike grew after he started to understand exactly what this man had done to the woman he loved and how he had turned up drunk more than once at her apartment and insulted his daughter.

Olivia just rolled her eyes, "why are you at my apartment on one of my days off. You know where I work, find me there during work hours," she sighed.

"I just wanted to see my friend, am I not allowed to do that now?," he asked.

"You're not my friend, Elliot and when in the past 10 years have you dropped by to see me?" Trevor gave her hand a little squeeze in silent support.

Elliot was frustrated. "Maybe I should come by another time when he's not lingering around like a bad smell."

"Pal, I'm not going anywhere. You should probably call before you drop in. Nobody likes an uninvited guest." Trevor couldn't help himself.

Elliot looked at Olivia knowing how much his friend from the past hated men speaking for her, but she said nothing and shifted her weight from one foot to another. "You're really in a relationship with this jack ass? The Olivia Benson I knew-"

"Oh, fuck off, Elliot," Olivia snapped, losing her patience. "The Olivia Benson you knew was not even her whole self yet, she didn't know what she wanted or what she needed. You don't know me anymore! We are not friends, you made that choice, not me."

"You should go," Trevor said, trying his hardest to keep his cool but also proud of Olivia for standing up to him.

"Trevor's right. You should go. And definitely call first. I have kids in and out of my house and Trevor is usually with me. You don't get to try to punish me for finding happiness in your absence."

"I know you still think about what we could have-"

She laughed sardonically, "Do you really want to do this, Elliot?," she wondered feeling frustrated; his presence alone made her body internally scream with pain and revolt for him, "you're going to be spiteful toward me for not having my arms wide open eagerly awaiting your return after a decade of silence?" She could feel the tears burning the back of her eyeballs, remembering that room — that moment of silence where she had begged and prayed with everything that she had that the man that she believed knew her best as family would turn up and save her. She tried not to physically recoil at the feeling of being taken back to that place in her mind.

The frustration he caused her was almost too much. "Maybe you live in regret, Elliot, but I don't, I moved on from our partnership, you made it abundantly clear you didn't need our friendship anymore, so don't come here acting like I did something wrong." she threaded past him. She had let go of Trevor's hand. She glanced over her shoulder waiting for her boyfriend to join her. "I'm the happiest I've ever been with my kids and with Trevor, get it out of your head that I've spent the past ten years mooning over you."

Trevor unable to help himself, hardened his shoulder as he walked past the man at the bottom of her stoop. He knew Elliot was squaring up too. He waited for the smash of his shoulder and saw Elliot flinch first.

He wasn't going to lie, his shoulder burned where they'd connected, but he remained unmoved and liked that it made Elliot lurch a step backwards and had left him unphased. He was willing to take whatever small wins he could get.

They continued inside leaving him on the side of the street.

/

Olivia dropped her keys on a little table next to the front door and let out a deep, annoyed sigh. She heard Trevor coming in a few steps behind, locking it behind him. She felt bad because she knew Elliot had ruined their light-hearted laughter and fun end to their date. She slipped her shoes off and left them at the door and made her way to the kitchen.

She grabbed her bottle of gin from the high shelf and filled added a generous shot. She added some seltzer and took a mouthful. Once covered from the strength of it, she went for another gulp. Trevor watched her with concern and came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist without a word.

"Don't…" she shrugged him away and finished off the drink.

"Liv, I'm not the one you're mad at…"

"Actually, you kind of are," she replied bluntly, leaving him wondering what on earth was the problem. She left her empty glass and made her way upstairs to get changed, feeling irritation with herself for taking her anger out on Trevor. She was a little mad though; she had just recognised it. She was sick of playing little miss sensitive on account of hurting feelings when in fact she just wanted some real answers.

Yes, I think we're all feminists here… Trevor had said it at dinner when Ava's friend came to eat with them. He made references constantly about the little ways he stood for women but she wondered if it was on the surface and if it was it bothered her. She had to know just how deeply his stance ran — how he could so effortlessly and boldly put a woman on trial for no crime other than reporting her own rape.

Trevor slowly climbed the stairs and found Olivia sitting on her bed looking at her phone, texting.

"Can we talk about why you're angry with me and what I did wrong back there?," he asked gently. She glanced up at him briefly and then back down at her phone.

"I miss you both too honey, Dad and I just had a fun time at dinner and maybe we'll go for some dessert, we love you both so much. Sending hugs and kisses. We will see you both tomorrow after school." She pressed send on the text and tossed her phone aside.

"I guess I'm just frustrated about Elliot constantly harassing me. It's always just as I think he's leaving me alone, he pops back up… and he's always pushing my buttons. Maybe if he acted like a normal person and was actually nice to me, I might be more inclined to talk to him and hear him out but everything feels like a back handed insult with him and I'm just angry and I hate that it ruined the end of our date."

"It doesn't have to…" he murmured, sitting beside her. He felt relieved that she wasn't truly mad at him. She said nothing and leaned over, resting her elbows on her knees. Trevor placed a hand on her back and soothed her, "I love you, I'm sorry if I did anything or said anything down there that was out of line."

"You didn't…" she sighed. "If anything, it's nice not to have someone just stand there and let me wear it, I appreciate you always being the person to stand up for me."

"Always, love. I've always got you."

She turned her head and gave him a little smile.

"Can we just get changed and hang out and have a few drinks and maybe some ice cream?," she wondered.

"Of course," he smiled encouragingly. "Why don't you get comfortable and I'll go get us some drinks. On the couch or…?"

"Yeah, the couch is good…"

Trevor stood up brushing off the slight disappointment that he wasn't going to get to have the epic night he'd hoped for, but hanging out with her alone held just as much value to him with the little time they had together.

He poured them both another gin, only this time he put a more sensible shot in it, not wanting her to get too drunk when she was upset. He knew that would only make matters worse.

He placed the drinks down on the coffee table and moved her flowers to the kitchen counter. Olivia came downstairs wearing one of his white tank tops. He couldn't help but to smile as he watched her descend the stairs. Her hair was still pulled back and her make up was still on and she was wearing different underwear; or maybe she'd changed them earlier before they went out to dinner.

These ones were red and a little lacy; still sexy but they weren't specific to a set of lingerie that she was in earlier. He adored her though, she could have been wearing gym pants and an old sweater and he still would have had stars in his eyes.

Olivia was still feeling a little on edge but had to actively remind herself that she wasn't in fact angry with Trevor, she just wanted to delve a little deeper in to the conversation that they'd had earlier and other instances of him making statements that didn't seem to match his past.

She wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, that maybe he had changed; maybe his feelings and thoughts had evolved over time. She remembered that when she asked what made him switch from defending scum to working as an adoption lawyer, he had cited Ava's questions about helping the bad guys and the inspiration of helping with her own personal adoption — she continued to remind herself of that, but she still wanted to discuss it more.

"Feel any better?," Trevor wondered.

"Yeah, sorry for snapping at you when we came in, I was just annoyed. I'm not mad at you…" she saw the drinks on the coffee table and met him at the landing.

"Do you need some space or…?," he didn't want to force his affection on her if she needed a little while to collect herself, but for his own sense of assurance he desperately wanted her to hug him. Regardless of what she said, the way Elliot seemed to affect her sometimes made him feel a little insecure even though he knew that she wasn't in love with him and that he was the person she saw a future with.

"I don't need space. Not from you, anyway… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to just—" she shrugged. He reached out a hand and she took it and let him pull her in closely.

"Don't apologise, it's okay, he always shakes you up a little and it's fine." He pulled her close and felt her arms around his waist and her anticipated head against his chest.

"I love you…" she gave him a little squeeze. He buried his lips in her hair.

"Love you too, honey. We can let Elliot ruin our night or we can choose to put it behind us and sit down and enjoy each others company and talk and drink and just enjoy being uninterrupted by bath time, reading, brat kids teasing us and so on…"

"Yeah… go and get changed and I'd love to just hang out with you," she smiled but he knew there was some underlying sadness or distracted feelings going on in her head. She was too easy to read in that respect.

He reluctantly let go of her and went upstairs.

/

Trevor came downstairs in some cotton boxers and a clean tank that matched Olivia's. He laughed when he saw her being a little too liberal with the gin bottle. "Honey, are you trying to get wasted…"

"Maybe," she replied with a shrug, showing no humour.

"Okay, let's talk…" he sank down beside her, slumping back the way that she was, nursing the drink in both hands. "Something's off with you and I feel like if it's something Elliot said or did, we should talk about it because if I'm honest it's making me a little insecure."

She appreciated his ability to boldly tell her how he felt without fear of what she may think. "Why are you insecure? He's a dick."

He picked up his drink and the bottle of gin and added more to it. He took a few large gulps til it was empty, attempting to catch up with her. He poured another and settled back again. "Really? I never struck you for the type who needs Dutch courage…" she remarked.

He drew in a deep breath and stared in to his glass as if it had answers for him. "I feel like each time he pulls some stupid shit, you become affected, you don't want me to touch you or console you, you want space and then I start thinking… wow…" he summoned up the courage to finish the sentence, "wow, maybe she does have some regrets there… why else would she care?"

She sat forward and put her glass down. She felt bad that she'd made him feel that way. "No, that's not it…" she replied quietly. He looked miserable, as if he was actually letting himself be honest about it for the first time. It broke her heart.

"Or…" he continued, "that maybe you've been so badly hurt by the past with him that you won't allow yourself to have feelings for him because you know he's not good for you but I am the picture of what you think a healthy relationship is, so you're with me because I'm safe."

"Oh…" she was shocked and she realised how his face had dropped, as if he had finally let go of something, allowing it to propel to the forefront of his mind, leaking itself out of his mouth like poison. She felt terrible for not explaining herself, for becoming instantly frustrated with him.

She put her drink on the coffee table and took his gently from his hands and placed it beside hers. and climbed over, kneeling over his legs and sinking down until she was comfortable in his lap. He avoided her eyes. "I don't know if you realise how deeply in love I am with you and … embarrassingly, if that's what this is… I'd probably accept it, because-" he admitted shamelessly. He could barely look her in the eye.

"That is not what this is," she told him firmly. She took his face in her hands. "Love, what I said out there to Elliot was one hundred percent honest. I have the man that I want. I have the bonus daughter that came as an extra and much-welcomed gift. Elliot shakes me up because of this fucking feeling of…" she paused looking for the right word, "of regressed abandonment and sometimes….," she winced to admit, "flashbacks. It's all part of trauma and each time I see him all I can think about is how alone I felt when he left. It wasn't because I thought he and I had some great love story," she explained.

She felt the tears falling down her cheeks, hating to admit the truth but she knew it was imperative to share that part that she kept locked up for his assurance. Olivia felt terrible for just how deep Trevor's insecurities ran. "I hate that you've been silently hurting over this." She wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands. "I wish you had told me, I could have made you feel better about it months ago."

"I didn't want to make you feel like this…" he swallowed the lump in the back of his throat, reaching up feeling terrible for making her cry. He swiped away her tears.

"I guess I should tell you about my mother…" she started, sniffing, trying to blink back her tears, "so maybe you'll understand why I get a little shaken up."

"Okay…"

"But first Trev," she told him, raising his chin so that he would look her in the eye. "I mean it with every tiny bit of my heart. I am so in love with you, you make me feel crazy and no one has ever made me feel like that, not anyone. I told this to you at dinner, something inside of me knows you're my forever. This is not a love-the-one-you're-with type situation. That's not who I am, it would be so unfair of me to hold on to you as a second best when you could be out there meeting someone else. I know how to be alone… I don't need to have someone here as a placeholder, Trevor."

"Okay," he repeated.

"Please believe me," she said, "revisiting that conversation earlier; all I could think about was how you know me better than anyone has ever bothered getting to know me. Everything you do just makes me turn to mush," she let a small smile cross her lips as she wiped her tears. "Elliot is not anything…"

He nodded.

"Love, please tell me you believe me," she said softly, unconvinced that he trusted her to be honest with him.

"Why do you always push me away after you deal with him?," he wondered, "you don't want to talk, you get blunt and harsh with me and I'm just trying to support you."

She paused to try to compose herself and sniffed. "Because…" she took a deep breath, "because I am so furious," she broke down, letting herself cry for a second, "I am angry, upset, and taken back to that place in my body that…"

He hated that she had broken up, that the tears ran down her face steadily without restraint. "PTSD… it feels like I'm there…"

"Where?," he asked gently, reaching up to stroke her hair.

She shook her head. "This…" she murmured, "this is why I don't want comfort," she told him between a sob, "because I don't want to turn in to this."

"Olivia, it's okay, I love you…" he told her, "there's no shame in letting me see you like this," he told her emphatically, "I would rather you express yourself; cry, shout, swear, I won't think any less of you, you should know that by now."

She leaned against him and let him hold her tightly. He knew; he knew that what she said was from her heart. He thought of everything she had told him at the restaurant and the way she let herself just be when they were together. Before they'd met, the tension was always on her face; he had never seen her light and happy in all the years that he'd met her.

Now her happiness was bleeding in to other aspects of her life including work. She had told him about how she had even shared with Amanda about their relationship. He knew talking about her personal life was a big step.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you," he murmured, kissing the warm skin of her forehead.

He stroked her hair until she was calm. She slowly pulled away; her body overheating from her tears. Her face was red and her eyes were a little smudged with make up. "Are you okay?," he asked.

She nodded.

He ran his forefingers over her cheek and leaned in to kiss her lips gently.

"I know you think I may have grown up not having a lot of money but with a supportive parent but there's no truth to that Trevor," she told him, clearing her throat, wiping away her tears. "My Mom was an alcoholic who was depressed and full of rage and my childhood was spent in chaos and in complete fight or flight mode," she admitted.

He was surprised. "I'm sorry, Liv…" he blurted out of his mouth.

"Its okay," she waved his apology away. "My father was her rapist and that's how I came to be. She simultaneously loved me and hated me," she added, "I don't excuse her behaviour because of what happened, but I do understand."

Trevor was totally blindsided by her admission— he had zero idea. He had assumed that her father was just absent, had walked away and decided not to return. "Shit, Liv… I didn't know."

"I know and I'm surprised." This part was easy for her, she had told this story many times and learned to do it without emotion. "People love talking about poor Detective Benson's past," she told him sullenly. She looked in to his face, "the abandonment began pretty early," she added. "Even when my Mom was physically present, she wasn't. When I got her on the good days it was good, when I got her on the bad days it was hell. I used to go and open the window and hide under my bed so she thought I'd gone out the fire escape," she laughed despite the fact that the story wasn't funny at all.

"Elliot knew about that…" she told him. "I can't remember now how he found out, but he did and he knew about Burton, who I realise now groomed me when I was 16, who in my mind, was the love of my life who had promised to rescue me from my home life and then all of a sudden he disappeared from the face of the earth."

"I'm so sorry that you went through all this on your own, Liv…"

She shrugged. "Like I told you, I know how to be alone."

She slumped down comfortably in to the crook of Trevor's arm, enjoying sitting across his lap and for the way he held her in his strong arms. "Elliot knew all of that, he knew about the guy I had been with just before SVU that left me kind of, out of the blue. He knew about how I found out I had a paternal brother, Simon and he was there when Simon left… what hurts is how much he knew and how still it didn't bother him to abandon our friendship. Sometimes I was confused by my feelings but grown up Liv sees now that it was purely familial. I loved Kathy, I loved those kids— and what did I get for it?," she asked rhetorically.

"I got abandoned by the only family I ever had and thought would never hurt me…"

She felt his arms tighten around her, his chin resting upon her forehead. "And so when you see him, you feel re-traumatised?," he wondered.

"It takes me back to when I was with Lewis— that last day…" her voice trailed off. This was the hard part. Her voice wavered as she began to speak. Pausing to take a large gulp of her drink. "I was spent, I wanted him to kill me, I just lost all of my fight and he tormented me about the one person that every victim always calls to, that they always believe would save them and it got to me because that mother fucker was right…"

"You thought Elliot would hear what was going on and come to save you?" Trevor asked without judgment, wanting to clarify.

Her throat was dry and the words were hard to squeeze out but she kept going. She let the tears fall and so did Trevor. He listened, not daring to interrupt.

"Yeah…" she nodded slowly. "Time kept ticking, I lost track of hours, days and in the end, I was goading him to just take me out because I realised Elliot wasn't coming and I realised Cassidy wasn't who I wanted forever and I was tired of trying to make it work. I was tired and I was in pain and I just wanted Lewis to end me because it made me realise that I had no one."

"You had everyone," he replied. "You had everyone looking for you, Liv, he was just a very seasoned criminal with an incredibly high intelligence."

"You know what I mean," she replied. "I was lucky, I got this glimmer of hope and then I belted him with that steel bar within an inch of his fucking life and I still dream about it sometimes and I don't regret it at all. What I do regret is expecting Elliot to save me."

"Does he know?"

"Yes, he knew what happened. Cragen told him during my disappearance, because apparently Cragen was good enough to stay in contact with… so Trevor, when I see Elliot, I don't get mad because I have feelings for him, I sometimes get flash backs of Lewis, of that feeling of…. Surely Elliot will turn up any second now… and having that hope crushed while someone is laying over you groping you and breathing on you and threatening to do unspeakable things while your body is just…" she breathed deeply, feeling that same old familiar nausea swirling in her gut at the very thought; letting her brain go back there even for the briefest moment, "full of unfiltered, blinding, unfathomable terror… I'm taken back there and I can't really understand why, but it happens and that's why you can't touch me or talk to me, I have to really concentrate to not let myself get there again, especially not when the kids are around."

He let the silence lay between them momentarily before he spoke. "I don't want you to think I'm not saying anything because I am judging or thinking anything," he started, "I am just processing and trying to make sure I don't say the wrong thing because I want you to be okay and I am so, so thankful that you've shared all of this with me, I'm just-"

"I know, its a lot. This is why I hate talking about it. I can't process it, why would I expect you to be able to?"

"Its not about that. Its about supporting you the best that I can without making it worse or getting it wrong," he replied. "So I'm going to tell you that I love you and that I get it, I understand why you feel the way you do and I am so sorry."

"Thanks…" her voice trailed off, "The fact that you hear me, not just listen… but really hear it, that's good enough for me, Trevor… You said any bullshit platitudes like what doesn't kill me makes me stronger," she was able to laugh to dissolve some tension, "or, Oh Olivia, you are so strong!"

"Well, you are a strong woman, but in the case of Lewis and I'm not saying you're not strong enough, but you could be as strong as you are or as weak as you need but any level of strength doesn't really factor in to a situation like that, you have no choice but to endure because the alternative is giving up and dying at the hands of a psychopath."

"Exactly," she said very slowly and seriously. "Getting through it had nothing to do with strength. I had no fucking choice. Anyone who says that to me would have done the same. I truly only think I survived because I learned that he got off on fear and pain and the sexier that became to him, the more he escalated his violence until he eventually killed them. I gave him nothing. I tried my very best not to scream, cry, beg, or show him that I was anything but willing to endure him and I think that's the only thing that kept him from raping me. I didn't beg him not to, I tormented him by telling him to do it and get it over with and I think it was a huge turn off for him."

"That's because he may have been incredibly intelligent, but you were smarter and I thank God you survived, Olivia, because its your time— you're not alone anymore and you don't need to know how to be alone because I'm never going to leave you."

He wiped away the remaining tears from her cheeks. He kissed her forehead and lifted her chin slightly to meet her lips.

"I'm not going to leave you either," she said softly but with as much meaning as he had. "Please don't ever concern yourself with Elliot. He doesn't have a patch on you."

"Thanks Liv," he replied. He sat forward, taking her with him, grabbing his own drink and sat back, still holding her close in his arm. He took a mouthful of the gin and let it rest for a minute. "When I told you about my Mom I left out a little bit because I didn't want to get upset or ruin dinner…"

She looked at him, her eyes following upward til they reached his. She was expectant. She had sensed there was more to the story. "I don't care if you get upset, since we're apparently in the spirit of sharing…" she managed a tired smile.

"When she did it, I was a little late home from school. I told her I'd be home right after because I knew she was lonely, she was a little clingy with me and I didn't mind it, truthfully, I loved her so much, but I just remember when my friends asked me to hang out a bit longer and play ball that she could wait… so I got home maybe an hour after school and I was excited cos I'd had an A on a history paper which she'd helped me with the week before, she was so smart," he paused and took a breath, briefly he met Olivia's eyes and she felt it in her bones from the look in his eye and the way his story was playing out. She knew what he was going to tell her and it had been one of her biggest fears as an adolescent for her own mother.

She wrapped an arm around herself and reached for his hand that held her at her waist, almost cradling her warmly as he admitted his darkest secret.

"I walked inside and had already whipped the paper out…" he remembered how littered the refrigerator was with test papers and awards and ribbons from school that she insisted on displaying. They were forever falling off from under the shabby magnets.

He cleared his throat, "I called out to her and I knew she was home because I'd passed her glasses and bag on the counter… I went in to her bedroom and kept calling and I saw the light under the bathroom door so I knocked and she didn't answer, I pushed it open and she was in the tub with pills everywhere and I knew…" he said softly, "I knew if I'd just fucking came home from school at the time I said I was going to, she wouldn't have done it, or I could have saved her."

"That's not true," Olivia told him gently, not being able to fathom enduring what that was like as a child. "That's not true at all, you were a child and she loved you so much and you were her proudest accomplishment, she was just sick, love…"

"Sick and tired of being used up by my Dad and I, under appreciated, abused, treated like she was crazy when she wasn't… she deserved better."

"You were 12, it would have taken more than just her son not coming directly home from school to drive her to do something like that."

"She knew I'd find her…" he said, "and that's the part that hurts the most, the part I have to try to block out because it fuels a rage inside of me toward her. Why did she leave me and why did she do it when she knew I would be traumatised forever?"

"From my experience honey, when people make these decisions, they don't always do it in a premeditated way but a mental health spiral may turn something from a loose plan or an idea to an in-the-moment irrational decision… and in that irrationality all sense of logic flies out the window and they aren't thinking about what their husband or son or sister or mother might feel."

"It just feels so selfish and cruel…" he remarked with a sigh. "But as I got older I saw my father for what he was, he would talk shit about my Mom all the time, he got married within a year of her leaving us and then I realised, because I was older, what he did to my Mom because he was doing it to his new wife… he broke her spirit until she too was homebound with zero self confidence. I actually told her to leave him," he managed a laugh.

Olivia laughed too. "Did she?"

"She did, but I don't think it was because of me. He probably smacked her about one too many times and she was done and good for her. She was a really nice woman, she tried so hard to be good to me and I'd weaken every now and then but mostly I was just so loyal to my mother that I didn't want a bar of either of them," he explained. "My Dad hates strong women, women with opinions, women who stand up for themselves — it probably makes him feel small and intimidated. I know he wouldn't like you and he probably wouldn't like Ava either."

Olivia sipped her drink and leaned over to set it down and sank back in to his arms. She wrapped her arms around him tightly. "I'm so sorry about your Mom, it must have been so hard to deal with and then to get sent away like an inconvenience…"

"Yeah," he murmured, "thanks Liv, that's what it was, like an inconvenience. I already lost my Mom and then this asshole decides that its too much trouble for him…anyway, I didn't tell you about it because I actually really dislike talking about it, it brings up a lot of shit."

"Of course it does. Childhood traumas are the ones that burn us the most," she told him. "But maybe we should talk about them more, with the kids too in an appropriate way so that they know they shouldn't be internalising this shit that we unwittingly put upon them."

"That's not the worst idea, obviously there's things we have to keep from them to protect them but Ava is probably old enough to know about her grandparents." He paused, "truthfully, I think I only ever told one other person about my Mom before now and that was some kid in college who struggled with making friends and being so far from home…" he explained, "I saw him in a bar as I was leaving one night and he was alone so I went over to make sure he was okay and he blurted out that he was thinking of ending it all."

"Not Sarah?," she wondered.

He laughed. "I loved Sarah but I knew her strengths weren't in allowing me to be soft. She once expressed that she liked a man's man, you know?" He was able to laugh, "she wanted me to just earn the money, cater to her emotional needs, be her protector but not have any needs of my own and to repress everyyyything!" He joked.

"Seriously,?" Olivia was surprised. "I may be wrong but that's not you…"

"No, its not me and that's obvious why we never worked. I just did my best for as long as I could and when Ava came along I turned in to an even bigger wimp," he joked. "I loved spending all the time that I could with my kid…"

"You're pretty awesome with kids, I'll give you that, Ava is such a Daddy's girl."

He smiled. "You were right what you said before; if my emotional brain quiets for a bit, I know logically that my mother thought I was her best accomplishment because that's exactly how I feel about Ava. I thought so many things were important until the day she was born and I realised this whole new capacity to love and to be loved by this tiny little human that we're responsible for and I just want the world for her and it hurts so much to the very depth of me when she is hurting too, especially when her Mom basically did to her what my Dad did to me."

Olivia nodded, listening. "You know back a little while ago when Ava witnessed you and I fighting over her when I told her I wasn't her Mom and she freaked out a bit,"

"Yeah."

"I actually went up to talk to her and she showed me a bunch of messages Sarah sent her which I know she showed you later… I told her about my experience with my Mom not being present. She was so thrilled when I told her to keep it to herself because you and I hadn't discussed it yet."

Trevor couldn't help but to laugh. "That little brat…" he breathed a sigh, exhausted by their heavy conversation. Exhausted but not sorry that it happened.

He finished his drink and put it down. He could see goosebumps surfacing on her skin, the night had cooled significantly and he knew she was probably a little cold. He drew her in and rubbed her arm to warm her. "You're cold…"

"I'm getting a little chilly, yeah…"

"I really thought we'd come back here and have sex for awhile…" he laughed, "but this was better I think," he told her sincerely, "this is a conversation that I think had to happen for us both."

"I think so too… we have all day for sex tomorrow," she added with a laugh. She yawned. "Is it lame to go to bed early on a night we don't have any kids with us?"

Trevor laughed. "No, it's perfect, we can sleep uninterrupted and without alarms and school runs and whatever else."

/

"Thanks for being real with me before," Olivia told him as they'd settled in to bed together. She was curled up in his arms. "I know how hard it is to be quite that vulnerable and I know that those feelings were probably eating at you for awhile…"

"A little bit, not all the time, just… where he is concerned. I just really kind of knew that my feelings or fears didn't really match with what you were saying, so I believed that you love me, that this is not any of those things that I was afraid of, but… then doubt sets in and… I am sorry, I really didn't mean to upset you."

"Lets stop apologising for our feelings, okay?," she asked him. "Its healthy to have feelings and its healthier to talk about them so I'll try to be more open if you promise to as well…"

He caressed her hair and gave her a little smile. "Promise." He lifted his head to lean in to seal it with a kiss.

"I love you," she told him, "from the very depth of my heart and I'm going to tell you every day so you never forget it."

He chuckled lightly at the sweet, soft Olivia Benson that he got when they were alone. "I love you," he replied, "and I won't let you forget it either."

She sat up for a moment, she returned his kiss and turned the bedside lamp off. He could see her outline in the small crack of light from the window. She was removing his tank from over her head so that she could sleep naked against him. She loved feeling his warm skin on hers and his hand caressing her back as she went to sleep. It didn't get to happen often enough with kids coming in and out without warning.

Olivia breathed in a deep breath and curled back in to him, draping her arm across his stomach. "Goodnight…"

"Goodnight love," he replied. He knew he would be asleep in minutes. He was emotionally exhausted and it had been overall, a huge day.

/

Olivia slept too lightly most of the night, she tossed and turned and couldn't stop waking up from micro dreams about what Trevor had told her, what she had told him. She felt agitated and exhausted but a little sad too; it was the normal feelings that came with her trauma after talking about it and delving in to details.

She got up and went to the bathroom and had a glass of water. She moved about her room before picking up her phone off the charger and had a scroll through. It was just after 2 in the morning. She saw a little green light beside Ava's name on instagram and knew she was still awake and probably on her phone which was against the rules after 10:30pm.

She sent her a private message. "Excuse me little miss, I can see that you are online, you have school in the morning. Lucy should know better than to let you sleep with the phone in your room."

She could see the typing in response until suddenly a message came through. "Goodnight."

She rose an eyebrow and replied, "Good night and we'll be talking about this tomorrow night."

There was a laughing face in response. Olivia thought it was odd but she rolled her eyes and put her phone down. She rolled over with a frustrated sigh, wishing she could get back to sleep. She glanced at the man beside her, slightly jealous of how peaceful he looked. He had an arm tucked behind his head and his other hand rested on his own stomach and he had all but kicked all the blankets off as he normally overheated a little in the night.

It was a little hot, perhaps that was partially why she had problems falling asleep and staying asleep. She inched closer to him and put an arm across his chest, tucking her hand beneath him. He stirred a little and untucked his arm, slipping it beneath her head, pulling her close. She stretched her neck to kiss his jaw.

He stirred again, caressing her hair for a moment before his hand went limp. "Baby…" she whispered, kissing his jaw again. He turned his head sleepily. "Mmm?"

"Baby," she repeated again, knowing she was being a little annoying. He opened his eyes and let them adjust for a second.

"What's up?," he asked, alert, waiting for her to tell him something was wrong.

"I can't sleep…" she said softly.

"Why, what's wrong?" He asked, rolling on to his side to face her.

"I don't know… I just can't stay asleep and I don't know why, I'm really tired."

She felt his gentle hands smoothing over her soft skin gently. He kissed her lips. "I'm sorry," he murmured, "what can I do? Do you want me to get up and make you some warm milk?"

"No thanks… I don't know, I'm sorry for waking you, I just felt a little alone."

"Its okay, we don't have work tomorrow, we can stay up and talk until you get tired if you like," he suggested. She loved him so much for his kindness. He was patient and sweet and kind even after 2 in the morning.

"You're so patient with me…" she let her voice trail off. "I can't say I'd be as patient if you woke me up for no reason at this time…"

He laughed softly, "yes you would," he replied. He let go of her for a moment and got up, "let me go to the bathroom."

She stretched out as he got up to pee. Trevor wondered if the conversation about Lewis or Elliot was still fresh in her mind, if talking about it made the details swirl around and upset her.

He threw some cold water on his face and the back of his neck to wake himself a bit more. He washed his hands and went back to the bedroom and got in to bed. He got back in to bed and laid down beside her, opening his arms up. "I see you've put the air on, now you can get in close and cuddle me without cooking me…" he told her half-joking.

Olivia reached out and was happy to be received in to his strong embrace. With an arm circled around her, he pushed her hair from her face, looking down in to her eyes in the darkness; unable to see a great deal but his eyes had adjusted just enough to know that she was staring right back at him. He let his hand travel down her bare back to her underwear and back up, enjoying the feel of her soft flesh beneath his touch.

She let out a content sigh and closed her eyes. She leaned in to kiss him. He tucked her hair behind her ears. "I love you so much…" he said softly and slowly as she pulled away, his touch was languid and she adored how gentle and sensitive he was toward her when she was struggling.

His hand slid down her arm and back up again. Trevor was a tactile man and he wanted to touch her all the time and she was totally okay with that, his touch had magical properties. "I love you too…" she replied. She became aware of the way he was making goosebumps rise upon her skin as his fingertips grazed back down the inside of her arm until his hand found hers.

She slipped her fingers between his and closed her hand over his. He leaned close, feeling the peak of her breasts pressing in to his chest. He covered his mouth over hers and kissed her slowly and passionately, filling her mouth with his tongue. It massaged against hers slowly as his lips worked on hers.

The way her back arched, her body shifting against him did things to him and suddenly he wasn't sleepy anymore. His body had awoken too; all of his senses were suddenly alert and he was filled with a need for her, to be as close to her as possible. He let go of her hand at his side and slid his hand slow, dragging his light, grazing touch from the small of her back up along the dip of her spine until his fingers were buried beneath her silky dark hair, firmly crawling along her scalp, letting his thumb brush against the shell of her ear.

A soft whimper escaped the back of her throat which made his body weak and his penis hard. He sank his teeth in to her lower lip lightly before letting it go and recapturing her mouth for a brief moment. "Mmmm," he hummed against her mouth. She broke away from him and laid a kiss on his cheek and his jaw. He turned his head, allowing her the room to move to his neck.

Her hand cupped his cheek as if she were holding him still as she put her mouth over the warm skin of his throat letting her tongue massage against the sweet skin that covered his Adams apple that bobbed slightly as he swallowed hard. He wrapped his arms around her, his forearms bear hugging her chest; their need for each other towing the line of something akin to desperate.

The passion between them felt intense in a way that neither had experienced yet. He relished the feel of her lips dragging over the skin where his neck met his shoulder. Her tongue against his skin working on the one spot was driving him crazy. He tenderly eased her back on to her own pillow and covered her half-naked body with his own. He found her mouth and kissed her slowly, lingeringly - everything about his manner was sweet-tempered, drawing away, caressing her body, and making her yearn more for him.

He returned the same lingering, warm syrupy kisses that she had treated him to. He let his hands explore her flesh as if it was the first time he was discovering her. Olivia let her eyes close as she felt his mouth on her neck. She ran her hands through his hair. Her fingers dipped in to the side of his chest with a deep need that she couldn't explain. The urge to have him consume her; the words alone of the love between them just wasn't enough, the urge to feel him and to inhale him, to allow him to spread through every vein and vessel beneath her skin until the feeling was satisfied. "I need you…" she whispered, the words barely audible.

He paused, lifting his head to kiss her lips again. "I need you," he replied, his voice matched her own sentiment.

His hand slid up her stomach to her chest until he covered her breast between them, letting his thumb roll over the her hard peak of her the fleshy mound. She let out a sigh of pleasure and arched her chest in to his touch. "Baby," he whispered, between kisses upon her jaw, her cheek, the shell of her ear and back to her mouth, "are you okay with this?," he wanted to be sure; he was certain the answer was yes but he was never one to assume, especially when they'd had such detailed and heavy conversations earlier in the night.

"Yes," she with a slight nod of her head.

He scooted down and paid attention her chest with his tongue. Olivia closed her eyes and felt her pelvis involuntarily rotating trying to align with his erection that was pressing against her thigh. She wanted him inside her to satisfy the hunger that she felt in her soul for his own. He took the hint and pushed the waist band of her underwear down, letting his hands smooth their way down her thighs and over her knees to her calves before he pulled them over her ankles.

All of her senses were alight, her nerve-endings buzzing with the kind of feelings she could barely make sense of- it was purely intoxicating and dizzying. She realised that opening her heart to him earlier had brought about a new level of their relationship because she had never experienced such a burning necessity to connect with another person's soul in a physical way.

She realised it for what it was and if she thought about it too much it scared her and made her want to run; unconditional, unfiltered, pure-hearted love.

Trevor slipped his hand between her legs, letting his touch graze over her centre. He felt the heat before he had even touched her and knew immediately that this was not lust or a means to an end for her or him. It was the only way both of them could express their love for one another; saying the words could only satisfy them so much.

Before he had the chance to do anything, he felt her hands over him, making their way to his waist, grabbing at his backside while her other hand gripped his shaft. He knew she wanted him inside of her and he wanted that too. He let his lips meet hers for another series of long, wet kisses.

He reached down and took her hips in his hands and angled himself at her opening before he slowly pushed in to her. He heard her moan from the back of her throat as she wrapped her arms around him tightly and she took him as deeply as he could go, her thighs linking around the back of his calves.

He moved with deliberation, his hips rolling in a slow rhythm that she was able to match like a dance with him. He was always happy to take the lead, guiding her with him the whole time until she got used to the tempo. He kept his pace, only putting more power in to his movements as her fingers bit in to his skin, as if she couldn't get him deep enough.

He took her face in his hands and kissed her mouth, tasting her tongue as they continued to make love to one another in the quiet of the night— there was no talking, no silliness, no teasing one another with dirty talk, just a show of their reciprocated feelings.

She shifted beneath him and he got the hint that perhaps his body over her was a little suffocating or maybe there was something else to it. He pulled out of her. "Let me hold you…" he murmured, pushing her hair out of the way. At first she was disappointed that he had stopped, thinking that maybe he wasn't feeling it, but the relief as the cool air hit her chest and the ability to breathe again made her realise he just wasn't that comfortable either.

She knew what to do; it was what felt the most intimate for both of them. She turned to her side and let him slide in to her again from behind. He was able to wrap an arm around her as their position that was bordering on spooning felt the most comfortable and he could hit the part within her core that made her come every single time.

He leaned over her, caressing her hair and pushing her locks out of the way so that he could kiss her. He was able to rotate his hips and thrust inside of her with more strength and deeper than he could when he was on top of her.

Olivia covered his hand over hers that rested upon her breast. He moved a little faster and stronger. Her body pushed in to his, enjoying the satisfaction that washed over her each time his thrusts lifted her off the surface of the mattress. She couldn't help but whimper with pleasure and fulfilment.

Trevor felt her contracting around him as her breathing began to slow, a reminder to herself not to tense but to let go of her insecurities. He already knew, it was around the time he always had to remind her to just breathe and relax. He kissed the back of her shoulder and slid his hand down between her legs to help her along a little knowing that he didn't have much left in the tank either.

Olivia writhed beneath him as fingers slowly circled her clitoris. She clamped her eyes shut and hummed with delight and gratification. She felt waves of pleasure that started between her legs that quickly consumed every part of her including her brain — she went blank as he continued to thrust inside of her, lifting her off the mattress until he came too, filling her up with his warmth with a loud guttural moan as his face contorted with pleasure. His hips rocked inside of her for a little bit longer as the aftershock of his own orgasm continued to pulsate through him until he was empty.

Olivia's legs continued to jitter for a few moments as she calmed down from the orgasm that literally made her feel like she lost time. She didn't want him to withdraw from her, she didn't want it to be over. He made no attempt to move though. He gave her a little squeeze and caressed her thighs. She felt overwhelmed with feelings for him that she wasn't quite sure what to do with.

She felt tears forming and quickly running down her face. She reached up to wipe them away and couldn't avoid sniffing.

He reached up to stroke her hair when he felt a droplet of water on his hand. "Honey, what's wrong?," he asked, withdrawing much to her disappointment but he was worried that he'd hurt her. "Are you okay? Was that too much?"

"No—" she said in a half sob. "I just feel… so sensitive— emotionally," she clarified, "and I just love you so much,"

"Love, you are my everything. I don't want you to cry, I don't want you to be upset."

"Its alright," she assured him as she rolled on to her back. "They're happy tears, I promise."

He kissed her. He felt content and relaxed. "Good," he replied. He couldn't keep his lips off hers. "Do you want to shower?," he wondered.

"Can we just lay here? Is that weird?," she wondered.

"No love, we can just lay here. Do you think you might be able to sleep?"

"I hope so," she replied. She got comfortable and closed her eyes. She knew as soon as her eyes shut that she would be able to fall asleep. Her body had lost its tension and she felt at ease with him. He wiped away her tears.

"Just relax and I'll be here and you can wake me up again and again if you need, I don't care."

"Thanks love, for…" she struggled to find the words, "for loving me so unconditionally."

"You deserve that. You deserve to be loved unconditionally," he answered; always knowing the right thing to say.

He felt her get heavy in his arms and her breathing became more even and he knew she was instantly out like a light and he was more than happy about that.

He closed his own eyes knowing he was struggling to stay awake.

/

Olivia opened her eyes and stretched. She yawned silently and rolled over so that she could curl in to her warm man. He wasn't there.

She sat up and checked her phone and saw that it was almost 8am. She slowly sat up, still weary. She got up and used the bathroom. She came out and tied her silk robe around herself, not bothering with clothes.

She made her way downstairs and could smell the food instantly. Trevor was in the kitchen. She yawned again as she found her way to him. She saw him in his black briefs moving around expertly. He glanced up at her and smiled. "Good morning, sweetheart," he greeted her, the concentration falling from his face as she neared him. He held out his arms and received her for a morning hug.

"Morning, love…" she replied, kissing him.

"You should go back to bed," he told her, "I wanted to bring you breakfast in bed…"

She smiled, "You're the best…"

"You are," he challenged her. "Do you want to go on back up? I won't be far away."

"Are you eating too?" She wondered.

"Yeah… I want you to rest, Liv, just go lay down and I'll be up with food."

"Okay, don't have to tell me twice…" she replied. She kissed him again and went back upstairs. She suddenly felt hungry. The French toast he was working on looked amazing.

/

Trevor placed the trays at the end of the bed on his side and got in beside her. She had drifted off back to sleep. He touched her shoulder gently and kissed her. "Breakfast is here…" he murmured, stroking her hair.

She rolled over and opened her eyes slowly. She sat up slowly, leaning back on the bed head. He picked up her tray and handed it to her holding the coffee steady.

"Thank you so much… it looks amazing." She took a sip of coffee first as he put his own tray on his lap.

"You're welcome."

"You make the best French toast and scrambled eggs," she informed him. "I wouldn't go anywhere else for it… breakfasts really are your thing."

He chuckled and dug in to a forkful of the fluffy scrambled eggs and turkey bacon. "Thanks love, I try." He watched her push around her own eggs. "How did you sleep? A bit better after you went back to sleep?"

"Yeah, so much better… thanks… thanks for placating me last night, I was very aware of how annoying I was being by waking you up."

He turned and smiled at her. "Trust me, you can wake me up like that for sex or for a hug or just to talk whenever you want, I don't think its annoying. I think its actually very sweet."

"I had such a wonderful day yesterday, last night… this morning," she told him. "I feel…" she paused, trying to aptly describe her emotions. "I don't know… a little different, which sounds stupid, maybe like…" she laughed in spite of herself, "our relationship levelled up."

He smiled, "I actually agree," he nodded thoughtfully. She took a bite of her toast. "I think it helped to have that talk and… what was going on between us this morning, that felt beyond sex… it made me a little emotional but… I'm an emotional wimp," he joked.

"No you're not… it was perfect. Everything about the past 24hrs has been perfect so thank you and I love you so much."

"Thank you," her replied. "And I think we need to be mindful sometimes that our time is just as important as time with the kids."

"Yep…" she agreed. She breathed a contented sigh. "So what now? What are we gonna do today."