Rectify
This one was in my Google Docs as well. And with the clip I saw today for Friday's episode and the mention of Sonny Malevski (what's that going to be about?), I figured today might be a good day to post this. Was anyone else surprised Eddie didn't know more about Joe, Jamie and the Templar?
Jamie fell back onto the cool leather couch and plopped his socked feet onto the coffee table. He clicked on the television in search of the Rangers game; hockey always helped him relax after a bad day. Once he found it, he flung the remote onto the empty cushion beside him and made a grab for the cold beer he brought over from the kitchen, his second of the night.
He was worn out after a lengthy session at the gym which followed an exhausting tour. With Eddie out doing her thing, he put off coming home to an empty apartment.
It had been a long week made worse by his reaction to Eddie joining Witten's softball team. Things had been frosty at Casa Reagan-Janko, all due to what Eddie perceived as his attempt to control her now that she was marrying into the Reagan Family. That couldn't be farther from the truth, but how the hell could she know that when he wasn't willing to open up to her about his reasons for his reaction?
Thank god for Danny, a tiny voice in his head whispered.
Jamie snorted at the unusual sentiment and took a long pull from his bottle. He sighed heavily and raked his fingers through his freshly washed hair. Leave it to his brother to play peacemaker and set him straight.
Danny was right. His delivery was terrible and he didn't bother to explain to Eddie where he was coming from, made worse by his dismissal of his fiance's feelings for having hurt Rachel.
Stupid, Jameson.
He may have had good intentions, but he wasn't able to see beyond his own traumatic experiences with the Blue Templar and he hadn't been willing to go through that very painful history with her either. The chances that the women's sports league could ever become that was zilch. If he were thinking clearly, he would have realized that and he would have also remembered that if he could trust Eddie to have his back, she was certainly capable of taking care of herself.
There was nothing wrong with giving her his take on things, but that's how he needed to present it.
"Sometimes I'm gonna have things to say to you that I need to preface with, 'If I were you.' Things like, 'If I were you, I'd slow down. If I were you, I'd think twice.' Like that, instead of just, 'Slow down, think twice.' So maybe if I forget sometimes, you can remind me. What I should've said is, 'If I were you, I wouldn't go joining any fraternal organizations.' But I know that I'm not you, only you're you."
With his beer almost gone, Jamie was immersed in the second period action when the locks on the door turned, signaling Eddie's arrival.
"I'm home," she announced. She spotted Jamie in the living room and wondered what mood she would find him in after his apology earlier that day, especially considering where she'd been after tour.
Jamie rolled his head along the back cushion and greeted her with an easy smile, the beers and game having done their thing so far. "Hey."
She took in his relaxed posture and grinned back. "Hey, yourself," she replied.
Feeling like things might be back to normal between them, Eddie dropped her gym bag and toed off her dirty sneakers before making her way to the empty seat beside him. She dropped onto the couch with a tired sigh, tucking her legs beneath her as she eyed the score in the game.
"How was it?" he asked. He couldn't wipe the smile from his face as he got a full look at her, all cute and messy and in definite need of a shower after softball practice.
"It was good, we worked up a good sweat," she said while turning back to him.
"So you smell?" Jamie deadpanned as he wrinkled his nose in feigned disgust.
"Hey!" Eddie objected, although he was probably right. She needed a shower, just like Jamie must have done recently as her fingers affectionately ran through the damp tufts of hair at the top of his head.
Jamie's eyes closed at the rhythmic sensation and Eddie smirked, almost expecting him to purr in pleasure.
"Just kidding. But it looks like you got a good workout. Your cheeks are still pink," he noted with a smirk.
"Not sure if that's because of practice or the beers we got after," Eddie said. She was content and tired and relieved to put the last few days behind them. She hated fighting with him, but they still needed to talk, even if it might obliterate this state of relaxation he was in.
"How'd that go?" Jamie asked out of curiosity.
"Good. Really good, actually. It's a great group of women, good cops. We had fun too," she shared. Eddie rested her head in the palm of her hand and waited for the inevitable.
"Yeah?" Jamie asked, going for casual, but Eddie wasn't buying it. She could read him like an open book and saw that he still had his doubts.
"Yeah. Really," she stated, making it clear it had been nothing more than what she said it was.
"I'm sure they are," Jamie agreed. Eddie was a great judge of character and he trusted her completely, but this thing still made his stomach churn. Call it PTSD or whatever, it was hard for him to let go.
Eddie wondered if he'd ever be able erase this notion he had in his head about all fraternal organizations. "Jamie…"
He sat up and deposited the nearly-empty bottle onto the coffee table. The last thing he wanted was to reignite this whole conflict. "Listen, if you say it's good, then it's good. You're a grown woman and a New York City cop with great instincts. I meant what I said earlier, Eddie, I had no business telling you what to do."
Eddie didn't want to argue about this again either, but she wanted to talk about it and get everything out in the open. He apologized earlier, but while on duty in the middle of a busy precinct, there was only so much they could discuss.
"But…" she prodded. She wanted to get him talking about this, all of it.
"No. No buts," Jamie said with a shake of his head.
"I can see right through you, Reagan, and you're still worrying."
Jamie sighed. Who was he kidding? Certainly not her. "I can't help it," he shrugged. Jamie spun around to face his fiance. He knew they - well, mainly him - left a lot unsaid earlier and Eddie seemed determined to get it all out. He supposed it was for the best, he wanted to put this behind them. He owed her that much.
"I know you can't," she said and took a hold of his hand. Jameson Reagan was hardwired to fiercely protect those he loved. She loved that about him, but his reaction came from a deep-seated fear he refused to share with her.
She had Danny to thank for shedding some light on his behavior. "And now I understand why."
Jamie glanced up from their joined hands. Danny let him know he briefly told Eddie about Joe and the Templar. He could never bring himself to talk to her about that stuff.
"How much did Danny tell you?"
"Just the Cliff Notes version, only enough to explain your reaction to my joining a fraternal organization."
Jamie bit the inside of his cheek and quietly returned his attention to their hands.
"You don't talk about Joe or what happened to him," Eddie said softly.
"Not exactly a bright spot in our lives," he said softly.
He refused to meet her eyes, hiding the painful memories that had risen to the surface over the past week. Jamie was normally great at talking things out, persistent about it even, but he was also good at holding certain things close to the vest. Sometimes too close, if you asked her.
"I know, but if we're going to be married, I need you to know that you can talk to me about these things, especially when they stir up old emotions like this softball thing did," she stressed.
"My chaplain in our army of two," he whispered, meeting her eyes as he recited one of their vows.
Eddie nodded and held firm. "It came out of nowhere for me, Jamie, but if I'd known last week the little bit I know now, my reaction would have been less I-am-woman-hear-me-roar and more 'this is not that.' And if it ever were, you know I'd be out and you would be the first person I'd come to about it."
"I know that. Your news of joining Witten's group blindsided me and had me thinking about things I haven't thought about in a long time," he confessed.
"Like what?" she pressed with a squeeze of his hand.
"First, tell me what Danny told you," Jamie asked.
"That Joe joined an NYPD fraternal organization called the Blue Templar. He also told me the Blue Templar was supposed to police the police, but that changed, they went bad and when your brother got too close…they killed him."
Jamie nodded at the brief description, but he wasn't expecting what Eddie disclosed next.
"I also know they tried to kill you."
Jamie's head snapped up. "He told you that too?"
"Not exactly."
"Then how?" Jamie wondered.
"People talk in the department, you know that. I've heard stories about your family and Joe, but that's all they were and I knew they weren't the real story," Eddie explained.
"You've never asked about it," Jamie said as he turned to face her.
"Because I didn't think it was right for me to ask and because I wanted you to feel like you could talk to me about these things, Jamie."
"I know I can, Ed, I do. It's just...it's hard," he sighed heavily.
Jamie crossed his arms in front of him protectively as a flood of memories and emotions rushed forward. "It took us a long time to get over Joe's death. It's what got me to leave the law to become a cop."
"I didn't know that," Eddie replied. Jamie came from a long line of cops and she assumed he simply changed his mind about being a lawyer after getting his fill of that profession or he regretted not following the rest of the men into law enforcement.
"My mom wanted to keep me out of the family business," he nodded, sadly realizing how much he'd never shared with Eddie. "She wanted me to do anything but join the department and when Erin decided she was going into law, well, the grooming began. Ask my dad, there wasn't much we could deny her," he smirked, not wanting to get into all of that now.
"I was so stupid," Jamie stated.
"Why would you say that?" Eddie asked, confused by the declaration.
"Because I was. I graduated from the academy and was only on the job a few weeks when the feds ambushed me on the street. They tell me Joe was working with them undercover to bring down the Tempar. Up until that point I thought the Templar were just stories my grandpa told me as a kid."
Jamie stared off into the distance as his brother's voice echoed in his mind.
It's me. I think I'm in. I'll let you know when I get a location so I can wire up.
"They played a two second clip of Joe checking in with them and somehow I got it in my head that I was going to finish the job for him all by myself."
Eddie's brows shot up in surprise. Jamie ran off the reservation sometimes for a case, but he was also big on the importance of back-up and there was no better back-up than his family. "You didn't go to Danny or your dad?"
"No. That's where being a stupid rookie got me in trouble, for so many reasons," Jamie smiled sadly.
"But why, Jamie?"
"Because I was too close. I couldn't see past the grief and the betrayal and the anger. I thought somehow Joe would want me to continue the work for him…I thought I could do it on my own," he said and looked down to where he picked nervously at the tip of his finger.
"I also may have felt like I had something to prove to my family about leaving a promising career to be a cop," Jamie confessed. His father and brother weren't totally on board with his decision, his dad because of his mom and Danny because he saw him as his egg-head, kid brother.
Mom's probably spinning in her grave, you quitting the law and becoming a cop and all. Golden boy was on the fast track to Washington. Now look at him.
"I turned down the feds too because they thought it might go up all the way to 1PP," he added.
Eddie's jaw dropped at the ridiculous notion and let him know so. "Oh, come on! How could they think that?! He lost his son because of them! Your dad would never have let that go on in his own department or let Joe get caught up in it!"
Jamie smiled at the passion in her voice. They weren't even married yet and she was already defending the family. "Yeah, well, it was the feds."
"So what happened?"
Jamie took a deep breath as he got to it. "I started sniffing around Joe's old partner and a few of the other detectives in his old warrant squad. Then I got myself jammed up with IA and it turned out the lieutenant investigating me was the same one that investigated Joe's shooting and he cleared them all. It was all downhill from there."
"So he covered it up. He was dirty too," Eddie surmised.
"They didn't care for my snooping and kept a close eye on me," he nodded.
"Jesus. Is that when they came after you?"
Jamie nodded. "I should have known they would. They killed a second detective in their squad because she suspected they were dirty. She left the department because of it, but that wasn't enough to keep her safe, not from them. They were bad guys, Eddie...stealing drugs and cash, extortion. They didn't hesitate to murder anyone that was a liability to their big get...twelve million dollars."
He still felt guilty about Lydia Gonsalves. Maybe if he hadn't reached out to her, she wouldn't have been targeted after breaking ties with the department. Maybe if he worked with the FBI, they could have protected her. Or maybe if he went to his father from the start, he could have kept her safe.
There were too many maybes.
"What did they do to you?" Eddie asked, afraid of the answer, but she needed to know.
"Cut the brakes on the Chevelle. It was a miracle I got out of it alive. It was also what finally convinced me I was in over my head," Jamie said. One thing he really hated about rehashing all of this was realizing over and over how stupid he had been.
"Jesus...so that was when you went to your family," Eddie guessed as she inched closer and caressed the back of his neck.
"Imagine having to tell them Joe's death, as bad as it was when we went through it the first time, was all because a bunch of dirty cops were going for a big payday of stolen drug money."
Her heat broke for him.
"How do you take down dirty cops when you don't know how far it goes?" Eddie asked.
"My dad kept it out of the department, for the most part. Danny could trust his partner and he had a buddy from the Marines that worked intelligence. Erin used her connections in the DA's office to get warrants."
That surprised Eddie. It sounded so un-Reagan-like to not do things by the book, but she understood - they didn't know who they could trust. "Wow, you were all running your own secret investigation."
"What about you?" she wondered since he didn't mention his part after he came clean.
"Me? I got banished to protection duty for a kidnap victim because they had a target on my head already," he shrugged. He didn't agree with it back then, but maybe his father had been right to keep him out. At the time, it sure as hell felt like some sort of punishment.
"But you got them, didn't you?" Eddie asked.
"Yeah. They were getting ready to skip town with their cuts, but we had them surrounded in a bar in Greenpoint. Before we took them in, my dad asked which one of them killed Joe. Malevski, Joe's partner, laughed in our faces…"
Just so you know, it's not like he wasn't warned. Just like the rookie over here. Again and again. But you people, you just don't take a hint, do you?
"'It was nothing personal against Joe,'" Jamie repeated.
"What?" Eddie asked.
"That's what Malevsky said, 'it was nothing personal against Joe.' Then he took the coward's way out...shot himself."
Jamie pulled himself from the memory and looked at Eddie. "So I have trust issues when I hear about these organizations...I have trouble believing they are what they say they are. And when it was you joining, I had trouble separating what happened to Joe from what I feared could happen to you if you joined one. It took us five years to get here Eddie, if something happened to you…it's already hard enough to accept the risks we've accepted for ourselves on the job," he said, his voice becoming raspy as he finished.
Eddie closed the distance between them to hug him tight. She could see the hurt in his eyes as all of these memories resurfaced. Jamie wrapped his arms around her and gently squeezed her back.
Eddie pulled away only enough to look into his hazel eyes. "I'm so sorry you all went through that. And thank you for opening up to me. It explains a lot. But this group of women, it really just is softball and beers. I understand where you're coming from and I promise to go into this with my eyes open. Always."
"I know that, but it's also good to hear," Jamie replied and sighed, wanting to leave the trauma in the past.
A smile returned to his face as he brushed a few loose strands of hair from Eddie's forehead. "So how's the team look?"
Eddie smiled in return. It had been days since they'd been this close. She missed the feel of his gentle touch. "Not bad. We got a game against FDNY on Saturday."
"Oh, yeah? I might have to check it out, I hear the shortstop is pretty hot," Jamie said as gently kissed her lips.
Eddie was more than happy to oblige in a little makeout session, but when it seemed like her fiance had plans to take this further right there on the couch, she hit the brakes and gently nudged him away.
"Jamie, come on! I really need a shower," she giggled when he made an attempt to kiss her neck.
"I can help you with that," he said as he began to slide her tee shirt up and over her head.
"You can, can you? But you already took a shower," she pointed out as he worked his way down to her leggings, all the while thoroughly enjoying his efforts.
"Yeah, but then my fiance showed up and got her coodies all over me," he pouted. Jamie stood and offered her his hand.
"Well, I suppose there was a reason we decided on your place over mine," Eddie reasoned, happy to follow him back to the bathroom.
"Shower big enough for two - the only reason to consider an apartment in New York City," he said, ready to do away with the rest of her clothing.