Author's Notes

ATTENTION ALL READERS: Prepare yourselves for the magnificence that is...a new story! *thunderous applause* *sounds of exuberance* *liberty dying*

That's right! It's the new story alarm going off once again. This one's finally centered around the main character...Ruby Rose!

After a series of unfortunate events renders her unable to participate in Beacon's initiation test, Ruby finds herself approached by the headmaster with a new offer - instead of going to his school, he wants her to use these unfortunate events to her advantage and infiltrate the enemy's ranks by becoming a double agent in their camp. When Ruby accepts, she is thrust into a new world where monsters roam and the thieves and assassins are just the grunts. Without any guidance or time to prepare, Ruby must rise to the occasion and become the hero the world needs while at the same time pretending to be the villain her enemies desire from her.

So come one, come all, to witness the beginning of Ruby Rose, in her...ORIGIN STORY! Updates twice per week on Wednesdays/Sundays.

Chapter 32 – Domo Arigato Missus Roboto

In which Jaune Arc's family makes the rounds and Jaune nearly gets shot by several high energy Dust rounds.

Jaune and his mother made it back to the cafeteria in time to see his family with Lie Ren who was kissing Velvet Scarlatina.

"Is he cheating on you?" asked Jaune's mom, furiously reaching to Jaune's belt and drawing her old sword, Crocea Mors. "I'll take his head off in one swing."

Jaune grabbed her wrist before she could take back her sword. "Mom, I told you. Ren and I aren't a couple or anything. That's his girlfriend. Mine's in Vale."

"So you don't want me to kill them both violently?"

Jaune considered it for a second.

I shouldn't…

The rabbit ears that had plagued his dreams twitched happily as she talked with his sisters, all of whom knew and could potentially reveal deep secrets of Jaune's childhood to her.

Velvet's being a lot better…I really shouldn't…

"Jaune?"

"One sec, I'm thinking."

"JAUNE!" Velvet noticed him and his mother and began to wave them over. "Come sit with us!"

"Let's go with no for now, but we'll keep the idea on the table," Jaune quickly said as he was flagged down by the rabbit Faunus. "Heeeeeey, it's nice to see you guys meeting up. I hope Velvet hasn't been filling your heads with too many wild stories."

"No wild stories here, Jaune." Velvet's ears flicked. "Only regaling some of your…er…only telling them about the articles I wrote."

"Good." Jaune sat down and spat into Juanita's mashed potatoes, causing her to groan in disgust. "Ren, how was Ozpin?"

"He agreed that Mr. Perry must be censured. Thank you for taking my side, Jaune. I know you are closer with your partner than you are with me, but I appreciate you support greatly."

"It would be soooooo cute if you two were gay," said Jaune's mom, forlornly. "You sure I can't convince you otherwise?"

"Mom, I have a girlfriend."

Ren was about to open his mouth, the word 'stole' forming on his lips, but Velvet's challengingly raised eyebrows silence him. He instead shoved a spoonful of soup past his open lips and closed them.

"Good answer," she said.

"Sure, jerk-off Jaune's got a girlfriend that we've never see." Juanita spat into Jaune's eye. "Lemme guess – she lives in Mantle, and she only visits when no one else is around."

"Nora is real, most assuredly," said Ren. "Real in a platonic sense, of course," he added for good measure as Velvet glanced his way.

"Jaune, did you really ride a Grimm?" asked Juana. "Miss Velvet says that you did."

"He did," stated Velvet assuredly. "Don't worry, Jaune – no more tall tales. This bunny's sticking to verified facts."

Jaune felt his cranium's outer and inner layers of bones being pierced by his mother's gaze.

"Really, Jaune? You rode a Grimm? Care to elaborate?"

Jaune threw his hands in the air. "Cute me some slack. We were all young once. Ruby hitched a ride on a Nevermore, and Nora had this Ursa Minor that carried her to initiation."

"That does sound like her," said Ren.

Suddenly, a massive crack in the ground appeared on the space in between Jaune and Juanita. The tile floor of the cafeteria split open with a sky-piercing shattering sound, and out came Ruby Rose, from the blackened void.

"I heard my name," she said ominously.

"R-Ruby? What's going on?"

"Team RWBY hasn't had a solid appearance since, like, Chapter 22, if you don't count the videogame fluff. Is the show titled JNPR, Jaune? Yeah, I didn't think so. RoosterTeeth made RWBY, bud, so make some space on the table and introduce a main character to your family, loser."

"Oh, I like her," said Juanita, stabbing a fork into Jaune's hand.

"Fine." Jaune gestured to his family. "Ruby, these are my dad, my mom, my sisters…and Juanita." Jaune spat into the vast and empty chasm from which Ruby had burst forth. "My dad's a lawyer, and my mom's a huntress."

"Whoa! A huntress?" Ruby's silver eyes nearly popped out of her head. "That's super cool. You're super cool! You're heckin' swole and also a big tiddy blonde…are you secretly my sister but wearing stilts and makeup to change your height and appearance? Wait, I changed my question: can I see your weapon?"

"Weapon? Actually, I used to use Crocea Mors before this rapscallion walked off with it." Jaune's mom ruffled his hair, eliciting a semi-upset grumble from him.

"You…both use the same weapon?" Ruby eyes narrowed, and her mouth opened up in openly bared revulsion as she looked down on the sheathed blade on Jaune's hip. "You slut!"

Jaune puffed out his chest. "Hey, don't call my mom a slut."

"I was talking about your sword."

"Don't call my sword a slu– Velvet, put down that notebook. Bad rabbit, put it down!"

"It's too much good material, Jaune! I can't help myself!"

In hindsight, Ruby was the best of Team RWBY to introduce to his family. His epic journey with her had been investigating some dead crime scenes to find clues on Roman Torchwick. Had Blake been the one to burst out of the darkened pit beneath the school cafeteria, she could have easily told Jaune's mom some far wilder tales about infiltrating recruitment drives and fending off paladins.

"…and then Jaune and I went to his place called Tukson's Book Shop. We found this extremely well-hidden clue that gave away the secret identity of two vile imposters who'd snuck their way into Haven Academy. Penny, a friend of ours, told her headmaster, Mr. General Ironwood, who arrested them at once."

"You say we, but you did all the work, Ruby," Jaune admitted.

"You told me to search the place twice, Jaune. I didn't find it on the first sweep. It was your killer instincts that tipped me off to the fact that there was the clue."

Jaune had actually only done that to distract Ruby, having had no idea that Tukson had left incriminating evidence behind, but it would've been far more difficult to argue the point. He shrugged instead. "Sure."

"That does sound like Jaune," said Juanita, kicking Jaune in the balls. "Always forcing everyone else to do all the hard work while he claims the credit."

"Actually, Jaune kept the case going, even when I thought it was closed," said Ruby, hoisting little Jaina into her lap as the tot reached for her. "He used the secret info to flush out Cinder – the missing leader of those two miscreants Mercurald and Emery – and bring her down."

"You know, I can't say it's ordinary, but I am impressed with all these exploits of yours, Jaune," said Romeo. "Well played, chap."

Ruby tapped her spoon to her lips. "Also, and I'm not sure, but I think he may have also seduced Cinder. She was butt naked when they arrested her, and Jaune wasn't wearing a shirt."

"Such a pig," said Juanita, gut-punching Jaune when he wasn't looking in the same spot he'd been injured by Hazel, causing the wound to open up and bleed profusely. "Didn't you say you had a girlfriend? I'd expect nothing less from pervy ol' manwhore Jaune."

Jaune pulled out a firearm and shot her dead between the eyes. "I didn't seduce Cinder. Her dress had Dust woven into it, and it exploded. That was how I beat her."

"What's said-ooze?" asked Jaina, Jaune's youngest sister, barely more than a toddler.

For a moment, the entire dining table paused in an unsure silence. Jaune and Juanita looked at one another. "Uhhhh…"

"HeyIthinkIhearmyhotbutsadlyflatGFcalling." Ruby placed the young tot back down onto the cafeteria table, then immediately disappeared in a cloud of rose petals. "See ya later virgins!"

Velvet stood up. "I…I'm really busy, cuz…I have to go…and…uh…die. See you all later." She bunny hopped away.

"What's virgins?" asked Jaina.

Jaune stood up and pointed. "Hey look, it's the rest of my team!"

Nora was practically running towards them, clearly recognizing Jaune's family by their similar appearance and interested in meeting them. Food was falling off her lunch tray, but she clearly couldn't be bothered. Sky Lark was nearly knocked over when he made the mistake of moving into her path. Perry was following behind her at a short distance, lagging slightly.

What's wrong with him…?

Crud, I completely forgot that I put him in the doghou…the…the non-racist term for a punishment that doesn't relate Faunus to animals.

"Nora, Perry. Meet my family."

"Ooh ooh, these are the sisters all named Jaune, right?" asked Nora. "Which one's the Jauniest?"

"Oh, that's a common misconception," said Isabelle. "They're named Jaina, Juno, Juanita – son, that gesture is downright vulgar, stop that at once – Jane, June, Juana, and Joan. But they're all pronounced Jaune phonetically."

Nora's brow creased. "I…but…h-how?"

Jaune threw her a lifeline and redirected the conversation. "Mom, this is Nora Valkyrie, my girlfriend. Nora, meet my mom."

Isabelle looked her over. Her eyes squinted, and her gaze fixated upon Ren.

"Still no," said Jaune.

"Can't blame me for trying." She shrugged. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss Valkyrie."

"And this burly lug is my partner, Perry." Jaune let out a sigh and waved a hand towards Perry. "He and I are buds, but some…leader business means I can't exactly give him all that much positive reinforcement right now."

Perry, for his part, nodded good naturedly.

"Well howdy!" said Romeo. "It's nice to meetcha, Mr. Perry."

He offered the Faunus a hand, which Perry cautiously took, only to have it vigorously shaken in response. "It's just Perry."

"I see you're a Faunus," Jaune's father noted, most perceptively. "We've always been big fans of the Faunus in the Arc family.

Jaune's mother nodded and smiled widely. "You know, I always say, we need more Faun–"

"Stop," Jaune ordered, and both his parents stopped.

Perry was decent enough to ignore where it had been obviously going. "I'm pleased to meet you all. Jaune, uh, if you're introducing the team…are we including…"

Perry tilted his head downwards.

Jaune paused.

Perry repeated the motion, nodding downwards towards the table.

"My pants?" asked Jaune.

"Lunch?" asked Romeo.

"Crocea Mors?" asked Isabelle.

"His tiny penis?" said Juanita, slitting Jaune's throat and spitting on his defiled corpse.

Perry shook his head. "No, I mean…the other nontraditional member of Team Juniper?"

"Oh!" Jaune's eyebrows rose. "Sorry about the confusion. S'cuz Ren actually has her right now."

The black-haired boy reached across the table to hand Jaune his scroll. "Here."

"Amber, my family's pretty trustworthy. Do you mind if…?"

She buzzed, the tone recognizably positive. Jaune had picked up on her cues enough to know that it meant approval.

"Jaune, please." His mother winced. "Your scroll isn't a person."

"Amber, just to show them, would you please…"

She buzzed once more. He read the message onscreen.

Already taken care of.

Jaune drew his sword and dropped it on the floor behind him. Scooping up little Jaina, he lifted her across the table and raised his mech-shifting shield over their heads to protect them both.

Without warning, the ceiling of the cafeteria exploded, raining down shrapnel and debris upon the entire student body. As hunters, they were fine, though, shielded by their full reserves of aura. Jaune and his baby sister were both guarded by his shield, and his mother was quick enough on the draw to flip the table and cover all five of the other sisters and her technically-not-husband.

Juanita was not so lucky. The airstrike that Amber had called in was pinpointed directly on her location, and the rocket locker smushed her to bits, leaving nothing more than a strawberry blonde streak of mush on the floor.

Jaune gestured to his girlfriend. "Nora, would you do the honors?"

Nora spat on Juanita's remains.

Jaune's father nodded solemnly. "She's a keeper, son."

"So it's…alive?"

"She." Still, Jaune nodded. "And this is top secret. The, uh, government is hunting her. You know, typical experiment gone wrong, sentient scroll on-the-lamb kinda stuff."

"Does she have any games on her?" asked Jaina, reaching for Amber.

Jaune knelt down in front of her. "No, sweetie, but I think my friend Ruby has a very nice gun that you can play with instead. 'Zat okay?" He ruffled her hair.

Jaina sighed and puffed out her cheeks, but she nodded. "Okay."

The lethal little demonstration of her technological abilities had been just enough to convince the Arcs that Team JNPR's fifth member was indeed alive. Coincidentally, they had been called in for their next round in the tournament when Jaune was explaining the abridged nature of Amber's nature, so he'd filled them in on the rest of the details as they made their way to Amity Arena aboard the airships. As a participating huntsman, Jaune's immediate family had been granted exclusive box seating passes to the tournament, and all of them were excited to cheer him on.

…all except one. Jaune's eyes narrowed. Juanita.

"This is so weird, right?" Juno looked at Amber, then back at Jaune. "Your partner is an old man, your scroll is a living ChatGPT, and you yourself are some kind of Citrus Circusmaster. It can't be normal, Jaune."

"Citron Champion," Jaune corrected, leading his sister to scowl at him. "It's a type of citrus fruit. But you are right, sis. Sometimes I do wonder why all this weird stuff happens to me. It kind of feels like I'm being punished for some divine sin I committed in a past life."

"Maybe it's 'cause you're such a dork," said Juanita, critically sabotaging Crocea Mors so that Jaune would inevitably die during the tournament when his equipment failed. "That's probably sin enough to merit all this well-deserved trouble."

The bullhead landed in the floating colosseum, and Jaune's team and family disembarked. The locker rooms and civilian seating were in two different directions, but Jaune paused before going any further.

"Mom, you're a professional huntress. Got any advice for me before I go up against my next opponent?"

Isabelle thought on the topic for a second before answering. "Well, I can't say I ever participated in one of these tournaments – hunters were always busier in my day, so there was no time for showboating. But, in general, no matter who you're fighting, the key is to focus on your strengths and adapt to combat their weaknesses. Advanced knowledge of the enemies and terrain is always a plus."

"The arena is randomized." Jaune checked the roster. "Ren and I are up against…oh, Penny. I haven't seen her in a while."

"Are you just reading that for the first time?" taunted Juanita, viciously gunning down Jaune with a stolen pistol. "You must not be planning on winning if that's the level of prep work you put in."

He rolled his eyes. "I usually win these sorts of things by just winging them. Were you the one who took down three rogue hunters in the span of two days?" Jaune backhanded Juanita, knocking her to the floor. "Didn't think so." He spat on her.

"You're seriously just…not prepping?" asked his mother. "You were always a smart boy in high school, Jaune. You could easily outthink the best of your peers if you put your head to it."

Ren nodded, but then his head tilted ever so slightly. "High school?"

"Welp! The tournament's calling, and we must go! C'mon, Ren, we're not getting any less defeated!"

In all honesty, Jaune wouldn't overly mind if he were knocked out of the tournament at this stage. He wasn't going to throw the upcoming match or anything, but the idea of putting in tons of effort to keep going further in the rankings didn't appeal to him in the slightest. If Team JNPR progressed to the singles, there was not a chance that he wouldn't be the shmuck sent on to the finals – and there, he would have no excuse. The doubles were the perfect place for the beloved Citron Champion to lose. He had needed to win at least the first round with his full team, lest he not earn a single win and people lose faith in his abilities, but in the doubles, he could blame the randomized arena or the teamwork of his enemies. In the final few rounds of the tournament, it would be him and one other in a straight fight, on a perfectly flat, level playing field. That would be Vacuo all over again, and there would be no way for him to lie his way out of it this time. The opponent would scratch him or slash him or somehow draw blood, and his auralessness would be revealed, and the public would turn on him, etc. No, this needed to end.

It was even better that it was Penny, because she knew the truth and would handle him with the care and fragility that a fake huntsman deserved. He and Ren would go down fighting side by side, they'd blame the loss on the terrain or Penny's robotic abilities or something, and he'd be able to spectate with his folks in their box for the rest of the festival.

Easy peasy.

"You didn't go to a primary combat school?" asked Ren.

Jaune did his best to act loose and relaxed as they entered the stage together. He figured that if he could simply not strongly react while also not flinching uncomfortably, he could redirect without Ren reading into it much. High school, which he'd attended, overlapped with primary combat school in terms of the years it would require attendance, hence Jaune's inability to have gone to both. His mother had very nearly outed him by accident, but he could still salvage this if he kept his head.

"Nah, not my style, ya know?" Jaune breezily said with a quick shrug. "I apprenticed with mom, which is how I got my training and all. So, Penny and…Ciel Soleil, huh? Never heard of the second girl, but Penny and Ruby are good pals. Let's–"

"Daymark."

"Huh?"

Ren's eyes zeroed in on Jaune's face. "When we first met, you claimed to have attended Daymark Primary Combat School."

"I…no I didn't. I said that…"

Jaune froze.

Come to think of it, he actually had said that when they were going around the circles doing introductions. Ren had caught him in the middle of a lie.

"You didn't attend a primary combat school, yet you said you did." Ren's gaze stayed on Jaune, but he was clearly lost to his own thoughts and voicing them aloud. "Your statements are contrary…"

The world around them rumbled as a volcanic sea of obsidian glass rose from one half of the arena, and a crop of tall grasses and shrubs appeared opposite them on Team Penny's half of the arena. Jaune stumbled mildly from the abrupt shaking, but Ren nearly fell over. The gears in his head were turning, and he was oblivious to all that happened outside of his mind.

"Ren, perhaps we could table this for now and–"

"No," Ren stated resolutely.

Jaune gestured to Penny and Ciel. "I know we may not have gotten along perfectly, but you and I need to focus on the fight right now or we'll be–"

"I refuse to allow you to redirect my attention. Elaborate now, or I will not participate in this match." Ren folded his arms.

"As soon as it's over, I promise I'll tell you everything." Jaune drew Crocea Mors as the bell rang for the fight to start.

"You mentioned one last secret before Amber profanely ranted us into submission. She was right to call us out on our insensitivity, but the fact that you continue to withhold the full truth remained." The boy in question sat down in a meditative pose, crossing his legs. "I will no longer stand for it. Out with it, or you'll be on your own."

Penny was now slowly advancing towards him, her swords outstretched. Ciel remained crouched in the grass, holding some sort of musket rifle gun at the ready.

"Ren! Really need your help, buddy!" If Penny attacked, he might be able to hold her off long enough to make it convincing, but he lacked the range Ciel and her gun were packing. Without Ren, he was screwed.

Ren closed his eyes. "I am a member of Team JNPR, even if you do not see me as such. My concerns will not be dismissed." He sighed and looked up at Jaune. "But, in the interest of cooperation, I shall make this easier for the both of us by giving you an opening to admit the truth. Jaune. Did you fake your scholastic history and huntsman transcript?"

The android girl winked at him. "Salutations, Friend Yang. Rest assured that I will avoid critical organs to make up for–"

"YES!"

Jaune dropped his sword and began to evade between the blades that Penny was sending out to cleave him in two. Crocea Mors was too heavy to hold, and he wasn't nearly skilled enough to parry all of the attacks that were coming his way. His only choice was to fall back and use the training Amber had given him on how to nimbly dodge until Ren came to his aid.

Ren looked up at Jaune's admission of guilt without surprise.

Jaune went on, ducking and weaving to prevent his arms from being sliced off. "Yes, I did! I lied about the thing! Now, please help me!"

In a flash, a stream of gunfire pushed Penny back, taking the heat of her attacks off of Jaune. She retreated ever so slightly as her aura dipped, but without a split second, her swords were spinning in front of her to deflect the submachine gun bullets.

A laser shot past Jaune in a straight line, singeing the blond tip of one strand of his hair as it did. He followed it back to the source to see that it had come from the barrel of Ciel's weapon.

"How shall we go about this, leader?" asked Ren, raising himself from the ground in one fluid move. At no point did his guns stop firing as he stood. "I await your orders."

Jaune dove away from another laser burst, launching himself towards where he'd dropped Crocea Mors as he did. "I can't do range! If you take out Ciel, we might stand a–"

Ren was already on her, dashing towards the tall grass to obey Jaune and engage Penny's partner. Unfortunately, that meant that there was no one holding back Penny herself. The sword she'd been using to stave off Ren's gunfire stiffened in their places, then simultaneously realigned themselves to point right at Jaune.

"As I was saying, I shall make an effort to not maim you, Friend Yang," Penny cheered brightly. "It shall only be flesh wounds for you, I assure you."

"You know, I'd prefer no wounds."

"Are you forfeiting?" asked Penny, her head tilting.

I want to, but not with this many people watching. Jaune shook his head and picked his sword up off the ground.

"Then you have nothing to worry about," said Penny. "I can guarantee that you heartbeat and/or higher brain functions shall not be interrupted by our duel."

The swords shot forward, but Jaune had been expecting that. He'd planted his feet onto a rougher area of the smooth volcanic glass surface on which they were fighting and had kicked off before they could hit him, breaking into a sprint towards the grassy fields as he did. His best options in such a fight were to avoid Penny until Ren handled Ciel, then group up to defeat her. If he were lucky, Penny would ring him out before that happened, but he couldn't count on that.

He was actually pretty good at dodging, by this point. It was the sole focus of his training at this point, and his reflexes and lightness on his feet was probably equivalent to or better than most huntsmen his age simply due to the number of hours he'd exclusively devoted to that singular skill.

I just need to outlast Ciel. Then, Ren and I can team up.

Penny's swords were clearly too plentiful and dexterous for him to evade, so he fled. She seemed to not be willing to use the jetpack or rocket boots of whatever propulsion she used yet (probably to hide them for the singles round, or to keep her identity as a robot a secret), so Jaune was slightly faster than her, given his height advantage and longer legs. Occasional swords would snip at his heels, but anything that came close enough to actually do him harm was quickly batted away with Crocea Mors.

"Come back, Friend Yang! I only wish to brutalize you!"

"No!"

The audience was silent, but he didn't have the brainpower to wonder what they were thinking. To any reasonable person, Jaune was fleeing for his life like a coward, but his fans weren't reasonable. They probably saw this as the build-up to some greater strategy. Nora, Perry, and Team RWBY were probably wondering what was going through Jaune's head.

And the answer to that is: hopefully not Penny's swords.

A laser blast caught him in the arm, causing Jaune to drop his sword. Jaune, fell into a somersault and raised his shield, which he still held. Penny had decided to give up on chasing after him and had switched to long range laser artillery, which she of course possessed because the Gods hated Jaune.

How is this fair? She's literally a robot! Even if I were a huntsman with aura and the lot, I wouldn't be able to handle something like this!

Penny thrust her arms forth, and the swords obeyed, fluidly sweeping through the air to form a rotating circle of revolving edges in front of her. Harsh green shots of light slammed into Jaune's shield.

Two of the swords exited the spinning vortex and curved out to Penny's left and right. The lasers that came from them were weaker and thinner, but the directions from which they came allowed them to reflect off the glass ground and slip past Jaune's shield. He quickly re-angled himself to block them with his defense before any more damage than a singed shin could be inflicted, but more of Penny's swords were already breaking formation as he did. Her hands were waving about wildly, as though she were a puppetmaster controlling marionettes with their strings woven round her fingers.

It's entirely unreasonable for someone who can mentally control tens of swords and use them for lasers to participate in this tournament. There's no way I can match her speed. I bet she can process pi to a million digits and use that to optimize the angle at which I…

Jaune sighed as it hit him.

Fine. Let's just end this.

"This sentence is a lie," he said calmly, loud enough for his enemy to hear.

Smoke began to pour of out Penny's ears. "Logical inconsistency detected. Rebooting. Friend Yang, you–"

Jaune stood up and dropped his shield arm to his side. "I know that I know nothing."

More smoke shot out of Penny's head, but she didn't go down. "Logical inconsistency detected. Rebooting. Fr–"

"Today is opposite day." He cautiously stepped towards Penny. "All things in moderation, including moderation.

"Logical inconsistency detected. Rebooting."

Jaune began to dip into his more verbose reserves as he approached his enemy. "Consider: the smallest positive integer not definable in under sixty letters. Now, I just defined that number in under sixty letters."

"L-Logical…incon…"

"If this sentence is true, then Mistral borders Atlas."

By now, he was standing directly in front of her. Penny limply reached out a hand to stop him as he raised his shield above her head.

"Logical…re…reboot…"

He brought it down.

"And with that," boomed Dr. Oobleck's voice on the sound system, "we have our first elimination. Due to aura loss, young Mr. Lie has been deemed unfit to continue and is exiting the arena."

Jaune exhaled deeply. At least it was all…

…what?

He looked over at the scoreboard. Ren was out, in the lower red. Ciel was yellow, he was green (still at 100%, as the Beacon aura reader still relied on his zeroed out baseline that was cached in their system) and Penny was…also yellow?

Jaune looked down at the girl in front of him. The smoke was beginning to disperse, but her aura was still crackling. Jaune quickly bashed her with the shield a few more times, realizing that his weak strength probably hadn't been enough to break her aura in a single hit.

If Ren's gone, that means I'll need to handle…

"Your time is up, Valean."

The crackle of Ciel's energy weapon hit his shield and knocked it out of his hands before he could bring it down for the finishing blow to drop Penny into the red. She slumped to the floor, twitching her fingers and failing to reach her hand out towards him, but she wasn't the one Jaune was worried about.

Ciel now had him at a great disadvantage and was cocking her gun for another shot. Unarmed and without backup, there was no way he could get out of this. Honestly, his best option would be to surrender and retain some semblance of his pride.

Except everyone thinks I'm at full aura, so me dropping out now isn't an option. I guess I just need to…

Actually, come to think of it, what was he to do? No amount of damage would push him into the red on Beacon's scoreboards, so the only way this would end would be in a ring-out for him.

Or death.

Or victory.

Ciel was nearly finished with her rifle, so Jaune frantically looked around for something with which to defend himself. There was only one weapon close enough to him, so he reached over and grabbed it.

Penny's sword, still attached to the port in her back by a fine wire, was far lighter than Crocea Mors. Still, it felt well balanced. He had no idea how to activate the lasers that Penny had used, which would severely impact his ability to fight the range Ciel packed, but there was literally no other way Jaune could fight at the moment, so he would have to make do.

You know what they say. When life gives you citrons, make citronade.

Ciel lined up the shot, and Jaune charged her. Unfortunately, the sword he'd chosen had its line wrapped around Penny a few times, so when he tugged it, the wire went taut. Jaune was pulled back by the string to which his blade was attached, and he went down right as Ciel would have fired into his chest. Penny rolled slightly closer to him, pulled by the string Jaune was holding, but not very far. Apparently, being made of metal made her quite heavy.

Millions of ideas flashed through Jaune's mind with the new knowledge he possessed – swinging Penny around like a wrecking ball, using her as a shield against Ciel's gunfire, tripping Ciel on the wires, somehow luring her close and tying her up – but he wasn't able to enact any of them. Ciel was already firing at him, and there was little he could do on the slippery glass-like floor other than crawl backwards in a desperate attempt to avoid being fried like calamari.

Suddenly, the shots stopped, and Ciel cursed.

"Oof. Miss Polendina's aura drops to 21% as her own partner accidentally lasers her. This is why you don't drink and shoot, kids," said Port. "Not without a license."

For the record, Jaune hadn't been serious about using Penny as a human shield, but he wasn't going to turn down a free stay of execution. Besides, this had to be a strategy or something, right? Catching his opponents in their own crossfire? It felt dishonorable, but it sounded far more intellectual when he phrased it that way. Thus, he scooted backwards closer to the downed android.

Ciel slung the gun over her back and drew a long hunting knife from her skirt. In response, Jaune yanked on the sword, dragging Penny slightly as he entered a fighting stance.

"This should take but a minute," she said. "I've a very busy schedule, so let us not dilly-dally."

Blade-first, she made her way towards him, one step at a time. Every movement she made was slow and calculated, but not lethargic. It was like she was perfectly moving to some rhythmic pace, and breaking it would do her harm.

This would likely be it. Ciel would defeat him in single combat, and his time in the tournament would come to an end. Unlike Penny, she would probably do it quickly and painlessly, as efficiently as possible.

"rrrrrrrrrRRRRRREEEEEEE–"

Jaune turned around in alarm as Penny began to violently screech.

"–EEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeboot complete. Full system functionality restored. Weapons systems online."

All ten of her swords shot lasers.

Four of Penny's swords had been pointing towards the audience and were blocked by the Hard Light force field that defended the viewers.

Three of them had lodged themselves into the arena and simply melted portions of the floor as their blasts were absorbed into the randomized environment.

Two of them shot straight into the sky, going out into space for who knew how far.

One of them, held in his hands, shot straight where he'd been pointing it – right into Ciel Soleil.

"Uuuuhf!"

Her arms flopped and her legs went over her head as her aura broke, dropping her. Her hunting knife clattered to the floor.

Jaune looked back down at his unintentional savior as she stood up to face him, her remaining nine swords slowly rising off the ground to aim directly at him. Frantically searching the deepest recesses of his brain for another paradox or logic bomb riddle, he drew a blank.

I really should have finished off Penny when I had the chance. Welp, I guess this is as far as I go in the Vytal–

Penny's feet got caught on Jaune's sword's wire, the one wrapped around her body, and she tripped onto the floor just as quickly as she'd attempted to stand up.

"Eep."

Her aura dropped a smidgeon, falling into the floor on her butt. A smidgeon, as it happened, was exactly enough.

Oobleck's voice rose above the screaming that broke out among the crowd as the last remaining combatant of Team Penny dropped into the red, signifying their defeat. "And with that final aura depletion, ladies and gentlemen, we have our victor for this stirring round of the Vytal Festival Tournament. With a record 100% aura, Jaune Arc of Team Juniper shall advance!"

tl;dr Momma Arc spills the bean then Jaune logic bombs Penny to smithereens

Next Chapter: Ground Control To Major Jaune

In which Jaune Arc does a few chores around the house and picks up some laundry.