Disclaimer: Everything belongs to The Marvel Universe except for my characters Sophie and Jeremy and any other SOs that become introduced – they are my own creations and are not meant to resemble anyone else's OCs in any way.
A/N: I AM SO SORRY! I did NOT intend to make you all wait this long for the next chapter! But we had the stomach flu from hell descend on our house and I was down for like a week. Put me behind on everything so I had no time to write. Anyway, I hope this chapter more than makes up for it. And on the bright side, I finished just in time for Valentine's Day! Enjoy! :D
Chapter 24: Something More
Everything was heavy and hazy. He's felt like this before. And he hated it. The sensation brought with it an onslaught of dread and confusion. Eyelids like lead, he forced them open for a scant second before they slid shut again against his will. A flicker. There was a flicker from the fluorescent light in the ceiling. His stomach churned. Twisting his head slightly, his nostrils flared as he smelled antiseptic and medicine. The steady beep, beep of a machine reached his ears next. The sound sped up. Fingers and toes flexing, pain seared through his body. Aches and throbs and a headache so bad it nearly made him retch. As his arms moved, he felt the distinct prick of a needle embedded in his skin. The beeping skyrocketed. Bucky's eyes shot open.
A door to his right swung open and a petite nurse came swiftly striding in. Her brow creased with worry as she looked to the monitor. He turned his head towards her but the movement was slow and sluggish. He didn't feel right — discombobulated and like he was floating outside his body. He didn't know what they'd given him, or what they continued to pump into his veins, but he'd fight it. He wasn't going to let it end this way. Bucky couldn't let it end this way. She turned towards him and said something but he couldn't quite understand, his mind too fogged to make sense of anything. Her brow creased further and she typed something into the tablet she was holding.
Glazed blue eyes watched her carefully. She said something else. He still didn't respond. She frowned, typed something in, and then moved to a medicine cart by the door. Drawing up some sort of concoction, she moved closer to his bed and began injecting something into the bag that hung from the metal rod. The bag that flowed into the tubing hanging from his arm. His heart lurched into his throat. Bucky was moving before she could finish injecting fully. He yanked the IV out of his arm, blood spurting everywhere. The nurse jumped back, gasping in shock. Throwing the covers back, he swung his legs onto the floor. He swayed dangerously with the movement, fighting back the vomit threatening to erupt from his throat. Blinking frantically, he tried to clear the black spots in his vision.
Forcing his body to move, Bucky shoved up onto his feet. His right knee ached horribly. It was bandaged tightly and difficult to bend, causing to him to hobble. He made for the door but the nurse was too quick. She'd already drawn something else up from the cart and stood beside the door waiting. Reaching above her, she pushed a small red button. An alarm began to blare. His heart thundered in his chest. Head still heavy, he shook it to clear the fog. But only managed to cause the headache to escalate, the nausea to roil. With slow, forced steps, he willed his feet to keep moving. Nearly there. He was nearly at the door.
The nurse came at him, syringe held out, ready to sink it beneath his skin. But he knew how to push through pain. He knew how to ignore the screaming of his body and shake off the murkiness in his head. She looked so small and breakable. He didn't want to hurt her. But he would. He would if he had to. So he lashed out. Swinging his right arm in a horizontal slice, he caught her around the middle and half threw, half shoved the nurse down to the floor and far away from him. A few more steps and he'd be there. Not quick enough. The door burst open and two armed security guards filed in, followed by a large and burly doctor. He spied the nurse on the floor and rushed to her, helping her to her feet.
Bucky took a step back, surveying, assessing. The guards approached him slowly, hands resting on their Tasers. A moment later, the nurse slipped out the door and the doctor joined the other two men, syringe in hand. He was talking, saying something to him. Hands up and palms out, he was trying to put Bucky at ease. But the gesture only served to spike his heart rate even further.
Get out. Get out. Get out.
He had to get out of there. There was…someone. Someone was waiting for him. Someone was worried about him. He had to get back to this person. Whoever it was. He shook his head again, trying to clear out the confusion. Swaying slightly from the movement, he tried to steady himself. The guards grasped at the opportunity and lunged towards Bucky. Then it all went to hell. He lashed out at them in a flurry of punches and hits. They tried to fight back, attempted to Taser him repeatedly, but even in his weakened state, they were no match for the super soldier.
The room was in shambles. Furniture tipped over, medicine spilled on the floor, gauze and medical supplies strewn about. And in the center of it all, blood still seeping down his arm, Bucky stood panting. The guards groaned at his feet. The doctor cowered against the wall and the syringe lay forgotten just out of his reach. That was the scene that Steve walked into. He froze, eyes locking with those of his best friend. But it wasn't the gaze that he knew so well. It was the gaze of a terrified and confused animal. Something wild that knew it was trapped. Something that could taste the freedom it was so close to and would stop at nothing to attain it. Very slowly, palms facing down towards the floor, Steve approached him. Bucky's brows knit in confusion, lips turning downward.
"Steve?" He croaked.
"Hey Buck. It's alright. Everything's ok. I know you woke up confused and groggy — it's just your injuries and the meds. But you're ok. And you're safe."
Something tugged in the back of his mind. It felt like it was right there, this thought, this memory, but he couldn't quite grasp it. Steve read the struggle on his face. He continued to talk, low and gentle, like trying to tame a skittish horse. With each soft word spoken, he inched closer.
"You need to get back into bed Bucky. You need to rest. And let the doctors and nurses do what they need to do. No one is going to hurt you."
Bucky stood there, still as death, just blinking slowly as he tried to make sense of the words. And still, Steve crept closer. Fingers twitching and mind whirling, he tried to decide what to do. Listen to him? Fight? Run? Then Steve's gaze flickered to the syringe on the floor. Bucky bolted. But he was still sluggish and Steve was not. His friend grabbed him around the middle and hauled him back, shouting at him to wait. But Bucky continued to struggle, thrashing in his unbreakable grip. Steve readjusted his hold, pulling him into a bear hug from behind.
"Please listen to me Buck. No one is going to hurt you. You're safe. You're ok. Do you want to talk to Sophie? I can call her for you."
Bucky stilled, eyes going wide.
Sophie.
That was the someone. Sophie. His heart hammered painfully in his chest. He had to get to her. Bucky renewed his struggle, but not before he felt the prick in his neck. Turning his head sideways, he found the doctor standing to his left, empty syringe in his hand.
No.
No. No. No!
This was it. He'd lost. He'd failed. And now he'd never see Sophie again. And with those last, horrible, lingering thoughts, he slipped into unconsciousness again.
…
Last night had been awful. Sophie had cried, and cried, and cried. She cried until there was nothing left and she was so wrung out that she'd collapsed on the bed and fell asleep in a fit of exhaustion. She'd awoken a few hours later and checked her phone. No messages. No missed calls. She'd texted both Steve and Natasha, but no word from either one. Then she cried again. Unable to return to her slumber, she'd downed a sleeping pill and fallen back into bed. Now, as she startled awake, the sun was already streaming through her still open curtains and the clock on her bedside table blinked 10:00am at her. Groaning, she rubbed a hand over her eyes. Her entire face felt swollen. Picking up her phone, her stomach bottomed out as she saw a missed text from Steve. He'd sent it at 4:00am. Unlocking her phone, Sophie's hands shook as she read the message. Then read it again.
Steve: Bucky woke up. Don't come to the hospital just yet. Call me when you get this.
Her hands trembled as she navigated to Steve's name and dialed his number. It only rang once before he picked up.
*Hey Sophie.*
She swallowed hard at the solemn tone of his voice.
"How is he?" She breathed.
She heard him sigh on the other end.
*He's…not…great.*
"What do you mean? You said he's awake."
Voice thick, her eyes stung as the tears began to accumulate.
*He woke up really out of it. Confused.*
"Ok…"
*He fought the doctors and nurses. He took down two guards before I got there.*
Sophie sucked in a breath.
"So now what?"
*Well…he tore open some of the wounds so they had to fix him up again. They rescanned his head — said it still looks good. Most likely the concussion mixed with pain killers and sedatives just really muddled him.*
"So…he'll be ok? Text me which hospital and what room."
She was already moving off the bed and heading towards her bathroom, heart hammering in relief behind her ribcage.
"I need to take a quick shower and then I'll be right over."
*You should stay put for now. They had to sedate him again.*
She froze mid-step.
"For how long?"
*The doctors want to give his brain and body time to heal and rest. They said they'll likely keep him under for the next two or three days. Then slowly ease him out of the sedation.*
Sophie tried not to hyperventilate. She tried to assure herself that everything was fine. That Bucky would be ok, but she couldn't help the silent tears that ran down her face.
"I'm still coming Steve. I want to be there when he wakes up."
*Sophie…it's going to be a few days. You'll be much more comfortable at home.*
"I don't care."
*You don't want to come over here right now. You don't want to see him like this.*
"What do you mean?" She breathed into the phone.
*He's…* Steve sighed.
*He's got an oxygen mask and all sorts of tubes hooked up to him…*
"So?"
*They've got him restrained. His hands and feet are chained to the bed.*
Sophie momentarily stopped breathing.
"What?!" She roared.
*It's for everyone's safety. Including his own,* then after a pause. *We don't know what kind of state he's going to wake up in, Sophie.*
"Handcuffs won't hold him. You know that."
*I do. That's why Tony brought in restraints he'd designed himself. For the Hulk.*
Panic crept up her throat and she tried not to weep.
"This is just going to stress him out even more. Send me the information Steve. I'm coming over."
*Sophie…*
"I'm coming."
…
The full duffle bag slowly slid down from her shoulder and landed on the floor with a thud. But Sophie didn't notice. She stood just inside the door to his room, fighting the thousand different emotions that seemed to be bombarding her all at once. She surveyed the room. A large, warm hand came down to rest on her lower back as Steve came up beside her. The security had been even worse here than it had been at the Tower. After Bucky's incident, they not only had numerous guards surrounding his room, but they'd shut down the entire floor to all other patients and personnel. For Bucky's safety, and their own, Steve had told her.
"He's going to be ok."
She tried to stop the trembling in her body as she gazed at him laying prone in the hospital bed. She wasn't successful.
"You don't know that."
"He woke up, Sophie. He's going to be fine. He just needs…he just needs to rest now. To heal."
"What if he's not the same anymore?" She managed to whisper out her worst fears. "What if he doesn't recognize me?"
Steve laughed softly beside her.
"I don't think there's anything in the world that could make Bucky forget you."
Slowly, she turned her head and looked up at him. He gazed back at her with a soft and loving expression. A knowing look gleamed in his eye. Confused and slightly jarred by his expression, she turned back to the bed. Steve sighed.
"They've set up a cot for you."
He motioned with his chin at the small bed laid out near the window to Bucky's left.
"Are you sure you want to spend the night here? They're going to keep him sedated for at least another two days…"
"I have everything I need. I packed for three days," Sophie replied as she nudged her bag with her foot. "I'm staying Steve."
"Alrighty then. Well, I'm heading out. Don't want to leave Nat alone too long. She's pathetic with that boot."
She smiled softly, her only acknowledgement of what he'd said. Steve hesitated for another moment, looking like he wanted to say something else, then decided against it and headed for the door. His hand was on the knob when Sophie stopped him. Her brows had creased in confusion as a thought came to her.
"Where's Rose?"
Steve blinked, fingers falling away from the door handle. Turning back around he stared at Sophie.
"I don't know."
Her frown deepened.
"Did anyone call her? Does she even know Bucky's in the hospital? She must be going out of her mind."
His head dipped slightly as he studied her face.
"I called her multiple times. Left several messages and texts. She hasn't responded to a single one."
"What the fuck? Maybe…maybe you have the wrong number? Did you call her from Bucky's phone?"
"It got crushed in the explosion. But…I've got the right number. I think…I think she just doesn't want to come. Doesn't want to see him like this."
"I don't want to see him like this! What the fuck is wrong with her?!" Sophie exploded.
"I don't know. I guess she doesn't handle it well when someone is sick or injured."
His eyes bore into hers as their minds both drifted to the time she'd abandoned Bucky during one of his migraine attacks. She'd heard second hand through Sam and her blood still boiled when she thought about it. Rose didn't deserve him.
"I wouldn't worry about her barging in here while you're with him. I very much doubt she's coming at all."
Sophie flushed.
"I wasn't — You make it sound like —"
Steve smiled gently.
"See you tomorrow Sophie."
She let out a heavy sigh as the door clicked shut. Picking the bag up off the floor, she trudged over to the cot and set it down at her feet. Stomach churning she struggled with what to do with herself now. At last, she lay down and settled against the scratchy hospital pillow and sheets. Worried brown eyes drifted back over to Bucky. The bile rose every time she looked at him too hard. He was so still, so pale. Tubes and wires ran from his body over to machines that beeped and beeped and beeped. An oxygen mask was strapped to his face. His skin looked dry, marred with small scratches and bruises over every exposed inch.
Sometime later, when a nurse came by to change his bandages, she had to hold back the whimper that rose in her throat. As she pulled back the sheets, Sophie could now see the extent of the bandages that covered the majority of his body. And she should see the cuffs that Tony had created, strapping him down to the bed. Anger bubbled up at the sight, at the entire room.
Of course he woke up and fought. He was scared and confused and you all confined him to a room that reminded him of his Hydra days.
He'd told her enough about his nightmares, about the sights and sounds and smells, that she knew without a doubt how triggering it must have been for him. And now they chained him down too. Her heart squeezed at the horrible thought of him waking up alone in here.
No. There's no way in hell I'm leaving him alone. If Rose can't step up, then fuck her, I will.
The nurse finished what she was doing, checked the machines, typed on her tablet, and then exited the room. Sophie settled back down and continued her vigil.
…
Two days later, a doctor came by in the morning and spoke with her. They were going to slowly ease off his sedation. He'd hopefully be awake and conscious by dinner time at the latest. Sophie felt like she was on pins and needles the entire day. The restlessness ate at her. She was barely able to focus on anything. Hardly able to consume food or shower. Steve and the others checked in every now and then. Steve — Sophie wasn't sure what she'd do without him. He was bouncing back and forth between Sam and Nat, who were both healing nicely, and her own apartment to feed Alpine. He'd stopped by the hospital at least once each day as well. To not only check on Bucky, but to also check on her. He made her leave the room to get food, he forced her to shower. He reminded her to take care of herself too. But still, no Rose.
(Pieces — Andrew Belle)
Dinnertime came and went. Bucky continued to sleep. Sophie paced the room, unable to be still. Unable to bear this helplessness. At some point, she'd dozed off for maybe an hour or two. Early the next morning, the doctor came by again. And still Bucky slept. Why? She'd asked him. Why wasn't he awake yet? The doctor had no answer for her. All his vitals were normal. They scanned his head again. It was fine. His brain has been through so much trauma, the doctor had told her, perhaps it just needed some more time to rest. He'll wake when he's ready, he'd said. Alone again, Sophie had sunk down to the floor and wept.
Steve and Nat came by shortly after lunch. Unable to help herself, Sophie broke down once more as Natasha held her on the cot. Steve sat in the armchair on the opposite side of Bucky's bed. Head bent low, he gazed at the floor, giving the women some semblance of privacy. They left after an hour, Natasha promising to bring by fresh clothes and more snacks. Sophie pressed her cheek against her pillow and stared at Bucky.
Wake up. Wake up, wake up, wake up. Please…
The next day passed with similar results. Sam came by to visit, bringing with him everything that Natasha had promised. Sophie did her best not to wail in front of him. The doctor visited again, worry etched into his face this time. Sophie didn't bother to ask any more questions. She ate a bag of chips for dinner, unable to make herself move. Unable to leave Bucky for long enough to go to the cafeteria. Some time in the dead of night, still unable to sleep, she moved over to the armchair and curled herself into it. Pulling out her phone, she went back several years and began to scroll through the photos. Bucky's smiling face looked back at her. The two of them together, him scowling at her for sneaking a photo, their little group at dinner. She watched videos that she'd taken of him, mostly in secret. A video of him singing while he cooked for her, of him goofing off with Alpine, of the time he was trying to teach her to handle a gun but she was so nervous she couldn't stop her fit of giggling. He'd been so annoyed when he'd found her recording him. But she wondered if he secretly knew. If he knew each time she thought she was taking a sneaky and candid photo or video. And he'd let her. Because he knew it made her happy.
She let out a small sob, pressing the phone to her chest as she hid her face in her left palm. Pulling the phone back, she tried to gaze at the photo through the tears streaming down in torrents. She'd woken up before him one morning, shortly after they'd started their friends with benefits arrangement. They'd had sex the previous night. And Bucky had been so sweet, so slow and thorough, it'd felt more like making love than just fucking. Sophie wasn't sure why, but when she'd opened her eyes and seen him laying there — hair mussed, right arm thrown above his head, sheet pulled down just under his pecs and face relaxed and peaceful — she'd felt the inexplicable urge to hold on to that image of him forever. So she'd leaned over and grabbed her phone. She'd just focused the camera when he opened his eyes. Blue gaze still hazy from sleep, she'd snapped the photo just as a smile ghosted his lips.
It was one of her favorite pictures of him. He was so open and unguarded. Eyes soft and gentle as he looked up at her. And now it tore her insides apart to look at it.
Please. She begged whoever might be listening. Please let him wake up.
Hauling in a shaky breath, she continued to scroll through the memories. But as she got closer and closer to present day, a frown began to mar her features. He had changed. Slowly, ever so slowly, the smile stopped reaching his eyes. Had he lost weight? His face seemed to have thinned, eyes looking hollow with dark smudges underneath. How had she not seen it? How had no one noticed?
Because you weren't around any more.
The guilt hit her like a truck. Bucky had slowly been wasting away, probably slipping into his depression again, and she'd missed it. She'd been so caught up in herself and the mess that their friends with benefits arrangement had inadvertently brought on, that she stopped paying attention. Sophie's heart ached painfully while her stomach contorted. She pulled her knees in tighter to her chest as she watched his face.
"I'm sorry," she breathed quietly. "I'm sorry I missed it. I'm sorry I let you fall through the cracks. I'm sorry I —"
Her voice broke and she had to take a deep breath to steady herself.
"I'm sorry my stupid idea, my stupid request…I'm sorry I let it ruin us."
She unfurled and dragged the chair as close to his bed as she could. Curling back up in it, she slipped her hand through the slats and interlaced her fingers with his. His hand felt dry and lifeless. Where it usually ran warm as a furnace, he was a touch on the side of cold now. A sob wracked through her body as she squeezed his palm gently.
Please…if you wake up, I'll tell you everything. I promise. And if you don't feel the same, if you don't want me, I promise I'll still stick around. I'll still be there for you when you need someone to help pick up the pieces. I promise I won't ever let you fade like that again. I'll still be there to catch you. I promise. I promise. Please, just wake up. Please…Please…Please…
…
For a moment, everything was blurry. His eyes felt so heavy, it was an effort to open them. Then the smell him hit. A cold dread snaked up his spine. Forcing his eyes to open, he noticed he was in a dark room. He could feel the needles prickling under his skin with each shift of his sore body. There was an oxygen mask on his face and as he went to remove it, he found he could not. Panic began to set in as he realized he was restrained at both wrists and ankles. Things were coming into focus now and he tried to steady his breaths as the machine to his right began to beep more frantically. His mind still felt foggy and sluggish but he vaguely remembered waking up to a similar situation not too long ago.
Or may it was years ago…
The awful thought seized him, paralyzing him momentarily. Willing himself to calm down, his head turning to his right to further assess his situation. And then his heart stopped, just as his breath caught in his throat. Sophie. Curled up in an awfully uncomfortable looking chair, head at an angle he knew would make her miserable later, left arm dangling down, she sat asleep directly beside him. His heart clenched painfully as tears burned his eyes. She looked so small. He tried to speak but his throat was so dry that only a pathetic noise escaped him. He wasn't sure where he was or why he was there, but Sophie was with him. She wasn't restrained and she looked unharmed. She was okay. He let the relief wash over him. Whatever was going on, he knew everything would be fine. Because she was with him and she was safe. They were safe.
…
(Ocean, slowed — slowo)
A noise jarred her awake. She wasn't sure exactly what had made it, but her heart beat frantically within her chest nonetheless. Eyes snapping open, she groaned as she uncurled her body. Rubbing at her sore neck, Sophie's eyes drifted over to the bed. She froze. There, staring back at her, were the most beautiful blue eyes. She sobbed on her inhale and flung herself onto the bed. Bucky grunted from the impact of her body landing on his chest. He tried to wrap her up in his arms but the restraints wouldn't allow it.
"Oh my God," she sobbed as she drew back to look at him. "You're awake! You're awake!"
Her hands ran down the sides of his face, brushing the hair back. Shaking fingers pulled his mask up and off. He rasped, clearing his throat multiple times, still unable to speak.
"Water. You need water."
She shoved off the bed and grabbed the pitcher and cup at the bedside table. Filling it up, she shoved a straw in and helped him drink. Bucky gulped down the cool liquid greedily. Sated at last, he lowered his head back to the bed.
"Where are we?" He whispered. "Why am I chained down?"
Sophie took a few deep breaths to calm herself down.
"You're in the hospital. Here…let me get the key…hang on."
She twisted around a few times, trying to remember where the electronic key was for the cuffs. Steve had shown her how to use it just in case this exact situation happened. Spotting it at last, she grabbed it up and moved to unlatch the shackles. Her hands were shaking so badly she had to try several times before she finally managed to free his right arm. Then his left, then his ankles. Placing everything down on the table, she stood beside his bed, head bowed, trying desperately to compose herself.
"Sophie…" he called to her softly.
But she didn't respond. She stood deathly still, body trembling.
"Sophie…"
His fingers brushed hers. She looked up. Turning towards her slightly, Bucky opened up his arms and she broke at last. Face crumbling, she crawled onto the bed and let him envelop her. He tucked her head under his chin, arms wrapping tightly around her. His right palm splayed over the back of her head as he let her sob.
"I'm ok," he crooned. "I'm ok."
Sophie's fingers fisted into his hospital gown while she pressed her face into his chest.
"I thought you might…" she hiccuped, voice catching. "I thought you were going to die Bucky. I thought I'd never get to see you again. Never get to tell you…"
The sobs consumed her again and she was no longer able to speak. Bucky shushed her gently, hand gliding up and down her back. Sophie curled herself into him even further, pressing her body as tightly to his as she could. In that moment, she'd meld into him if she were able. Burrowing her nose into the hollow of his throat, she inhaled deeply. Beneath the awful smells of the hospital, his scent was still there. Warm and comforting, he smelled like home. The feel of his heart thumping, his body wrapped around her, his scent enveloping her, Sophie felt soothed. She couldn't think of a single place she felt more safe or at peace than right there, in Bucky's arms.
"Never tell me what?" He whispered into the dark room.
He felt her body shake with her ragged inhale. Resting her forehead against his chest, she began to trace idle shapes over his left pec.
"Bucky…I…I know you're with Rose. But there's something I need to tell you. Something I probably should have told you a long time ago. But I…"
"Wait," he interrupted. "I'm not…I'm not with Rose anymore."
She pulled back in shock and stared at his face.
"What?! Since when?"
"Right before the mission. I broke up with her right before the mission. Because —"
His mouth snapped shut and brows furrowed.
"What happened on the mission? Is that why I'm in here? Is everyone else ok? Did we get Fenhoff?!"
He rapid fired the questions so quickly Sophie couldn't keep up.
"Woah, woah. Slow down. You all were hit by a grenade during the mission. They're presuming Fenhoff is dead. There wasn't much left standing from the manor he was in when it exploded. Steve and Tony weren't injured. Sam and Nat were, but not too bad. They're ok, recovering fine. But you…you threw yourself over Nat you fucking idiot!"
She punctuated the last sentence with a hard slap to his chest. Bucky winced, then blinked down at her with wide eyes.
"Why the hell would you do that?! If you ever put yourself in danger like that again I'll personally kill you! And if you're dead, I'll bring you back just to do it myself!"
Bucky couldn't help the smile that tugged at the corner of his mouth.
"Don't you smile at me James Barnes! This isn't funny!"
He sobered.
"No, it's not. But I…Soph, I knew she wouldn't make it. Nat would have been dead on the spot. We were so close to the grenade…and I thought, maybe I'd have a chance. I've survived so much already. Maybe this super soldier serum would be good for something."
She couldn't help the tears that welled up again. Burying her face against him once more, she began to cry.
"You don't always have to play the hero."
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
His lips brushed against the crown of her head as he held her. She sniffled loudly, tears slowing.
"But for what it's worth. You did save her. You were right, everyone said Nat would have been dead if it weren't for you."
His only response was to hold her tighter. They laid there silently, clutching one another, for several long minutes.
"Bucky?"
"Hmm?"
"James…" she breathed.
He pulled back slightly to look down at her. Their faces were so close they were sharing the same breath. It would take nothing for her to reach up slightly and kiss him. His eyes darted down to her mouth.
"Why did you break up with Rose?"
His gaze roved over her face. Sophie watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed thickly.
"I realized that she didn't get me. She wanted me to be someone I wasn't and someone I wouldn't let her turn me into. All the broken pieces of me, the dark parts, she didn't want to see those. She didn't want to deal with them. And then I talked to Nat. And she told me the things that Rose said to you."
"She…she did?"
"Don't be mad at her. I'm glad she did. I'm pissed that you didn't."
Sophie's head dipped, eyes downcast. Bucky's vibranium arm slipped up her back until his fingers splayed on the side of her face. Thumb under her chin, he gently tipped her head back up.
"Why didn't you?" He asked gently.
"I didn't…I didn't want to ruin things between you two. You seemed happy. I wanted you to be happy."
"Not at your expense."
His thumb rubbed gently along her jaw.
"I was so angry when I found out what she'd done. After everything I've been through as the Winter Soldier. It just wasn't ok for her to control me like that. To go behind my back like that. If I wasn't already planning on breaking up with her, that would have done it. But I want you to promise me that you won't ever keep something like that from me again. If someone hurts you, I want to know. No matter what."
"Ok," she breathed.
"You promise you won't keep things from me again?"
"I promise."
His forehead bumped against hers.
"Good. And in the spirit of not keeping things from one another. There's one other reason I broke up with Rose."
Sophie's brows knit together.
"What?"
"I didn't love her. Not really. I tried to…but I didn't love her…"
They pulled away from one another, but not far. He gazed at her, his fingers slipping into her hair.
"Not like I love you."
Her breath caught in her throat.
"And how do you love me?"
Sophie's voice wobbled, hardly daring to hope that he could mean what she so desperately wanted him to mean. His fingers tightened in her hair.
"I'm so in love with you Soph. I'm pretty sure I've loved you since we met. But you were with Jeremy and then…and then I don't know. Maybe I just got comfortable with how things were. Or maybe I was just scared. But I never stopped loving you. I think I love you now more than ever. But…it's ok if you don't feel the same anymore. I know I fucked up and I understand. And I want you to know that if you want space, if you don't feel comfortable hanging out the way we used to, I get it. Just…don't cut me out. Please. Don't cut me out of your life again. I promise not to get in the way when you find someone. I —"
His breaths had become ragged, his words stuttering and unsure. She could see the pain on his face and the mist gathering in his eyes. His fingers gripped her hair so hard it almost hurt. Sophie pressed a palm against his chest, his heart raging inside.
"Bucky, wait. I…I have found someone…"
He looked so crestfallen it shattered her. Blinking a few times, he swallowed hard, jaw clenching. She felt his fingers go slack in her hair.
"It's you, you big dummy," she breathed.
Bucky made an almost pained noise in the back of his throat.
"I love you too. Oh God. I am so fucking in love with you it hurts. Why do you think I pulled away? I tried. I really tried to stand by you but at the end of the day, I just couldn't watch you and Rose together anymore. It hurt too much. And I didn't want to put you in a position where you had to pick between the two of us. It wouldn't have been fair to you. The last thing that I wanted to do was take away your happiness, take something that brought you joy and make you miserable. So I took myself out of the equation."
"Don't," he rasped, hand tightening in her hair again. "Don't ever do something so stupid again. I want you to talk to me, to tell me things, no matter what. Do you understand?!"
She nodded, eyes welling with tears again.
"The truth is, I'm pretty sure I fell for you the moment I first met you. That very first day that I ran into you in the coffee shop. I was so freaking attracted to you I could barely keep my eyes off you."
"I know," he whispered, a smug smile tugging on his lips.
Sophie hiccuped a laugh and slapped his chest playfully.
"But then I saw you with Nat. And I thought you two were together. And honestly, my instant pull to you scared me. I'd never, ever felt like that before. It felt crazy and reckless and completely stupid given that you seemed to be taken. And there was Jeremy…the safe bet. So I just…never called you. But every time I went to the Brick and Stone, I looked for you. And then one day…there you were."
Bucky smiled, pulling her closer to him until their bodies were flush.
"I looked for you too."
"You did?"
"Yeah. Every single damn time I went in there. Sometimes, I didn't even want any fucking coffee. I just ducked in to see if you'd be there."
Sophie laughed.
"I was gutted when you told me you'd started dating Jeremy."
Her face fell.
"So we wasted nearly five years?!" She whispered in both horror and despair.
"No," Bucky responded firmly. "We didn't waste that time. We were still beside one another and always there for each other. Maybe it was under a different label, but we were always there. And now that I know how you feel, that we can be more than just friends, I'm never letting you go."
Sophie couldn't take it anymore. She yanked his face towards her and pressed a firm kiss against his lips. Bucky let out a surprised groan of pain. She pulled away, eyes wide in shock.
"Oh my God. I'm so sorry. I forgot how injured you were."
He smiled softly as laughter danced in his eyes, then leaned back in and claimed her mouth. The kiss was slow and lazy. His tongue darted between her parted lips and explored. She whimpered in response, pressing herself even closer to him. Pulling away for air at last, she threaded her fingers in his hair and played with the strands on his nape.
"You know," she said softly. "We were never really just friends."
A gentle smile graced Bucky's face.
"No," he agreed. "We were always something more."
…
They spent countless minutes kissing and caressing until at last, around three in the morning, Sophie was finally so tired that she dozed off. Bucky tucked her into his embrace and, holding her tightly against him, fell asleep as well. They were awoken only several hours later by an old and cranky nurse who flipped all the lights on as she entered the room. She stopped mid stride, hands on her hips, and glowered at the two of them.
"Ma'am, you are not supposed to be up there. You have a cot. Right there!"
Sophie turned her sleepy gaze on the woman and frowned. She opened her mouth to retort with something ugly but was cut off when both Steve and Natasha walked in.
"Well, well. Look who's awake! And when were you planning on letting us know Sophie?" Steve asked with a grin.
"I was going to get around to it some time this morning," she mumbled, nuzzling back into Bucky's warm chest.
Natasha laughed.
"Looks like you two have finally had a very long overdue conversation."
Neither one responded but Bucky grinned at her devilishly.
"Out!" Barked the nurse. "Out of the bed! I need to do my assessment."
Sophie reluctantly slipped out and walked over to give her friends a hug.
"When can I get the hell out of here?" Bucky asked the nurse.
"Sergeant, you have a skull fracture. Numerous other breaks and lacerations. You have burns on your arm and chest and a dislocated knee. You're black and blue all over. I think it's safe to say that you'll be spending at least a few more days with us."
"Don't worry Buck, you'll be out of here before you know it," Steve chimed in.
The nurse glared at him.
"You'll probably need someone to stay with you for a bit when you leave. Help you get back on your feet," she said more gently.
Three heads simultaneously turned towards Sophie. She laughed.
"As if that's even a question," she grinned at Bucky.
"Good," he said. "Oh and Soph?"
"Hmm?"
"Bring Alpine home."
Heart bursting with joy, she smiled.
~Fin~
A/N: Please note that I WILL BE WRITING AN EPILOGUE!
So you've got one more chapter with these two! Also, I'm toying with the idea of a sequel but I haven't decided yet. I have a barebones, skeleton outline in my head but I'm not sure. I feel like I've tied up enough loose ends that this can just be a stand alone story, but I've also left enough open that there could be more. What do you all think? Yes sequel or No sequel? If I do write it, it's probably not going to be soon. I really need a breather from writing for a bit. Also, I'll probably just post on AO3 but I WILL make a note in my FF profile if/when I start working on it. If you're interested, or want more stories from me, follow me on AO3, same user name!
THANK YOU to everyone who reviewed as always! I love each and every comment I get and you all keep me going! Season Two, Alices Rabbit1, BigMamaKat, JackWhisperer1011, Vokunkendov, Ashrabbit, captainfukal, Guest, Buckys_UK_Gal, Clarkewrites, isabetta1463, acquamarina, and Bellatrixskr
Season Two: Thank you SO much! I hope you finally got the ending you wanted. Though there is a bit more ooey gooey happily ever after goodness to come in the epilogue ;)
BigMamaKat: Hahaha, omg thank you! I hope this chapter made up for it. I promise the epilogue will have nothing but lovin :D