Author's Note:
Hello! I know this took a huge hiatus, but I'm back! Lucky for you, most of the story is written already! I'll just be fixing up typos and such before uploading, but I hope you can enjoy this journey, there's lots more in store for Juniper!
As always, thanks for reading and feel free to leave any questions or impressions in the comments. Enjoy!
~The Cursed One
Trigger warnings: depictions of anxiety, depression and panic disorders, as well as violence.
Gathering me into his arms as the first tears sprouted, we shot into the air. I didn't even hold onto him, just felt myself trembling uncontrollably.
"That," Hawks told me severely, "Was Dabi, from the League of Villains." Tears began to stream down my cheeks, "And as of right now, you're part of the HPSC's most classified mission." He was only quiet for a beat. "Damn it, Solace."
He didn't land at the agency doors, or even on the roof. Instead, he barreled right toward an open window, landing inside a bedroom. He placed me gently on the queen sized bed, closed the window, drew the curtains, then flicked the lights on. It was a cozy room, with games and lots of blankets and pillows and a fluffy rug.
"It's going to be a long night." I was told grimly.
Hawks switched on the TV, letting it play a dumb sitcom while he moved into the ensuite. His jacket came off and sleeves were rolled up. He pulled out a hefty first aid kit and tossed it on the bed beside me. I noticed that there was an Endeavor plush sitting on one of the shelves. Was this his room?
The hero kneeled in front of me, looking up but not meeting my eyes.
"Show me your leg. I need to make sure it's not broken." Wordlessly, I extended my bad leg out. The knee was scraped to hell and back. Ah, so were my arms and my other leg. So that's where the blood was coming from. My ankle was swollen. Hawks carefully unstrapped and removed the shoe. Gentle, his hands inexplicably warm despite the cool night, he pressed around my shin, feeling for the bone and metal bar. It hurt. I squeezed my eyes shut, but didn't move.
He pressed hard on my ankle and I gasped, jerking my leg away.
"Sorry about that." He waited patiently for me to return my foot, "I thought it was just a sprain, but you might have a hairline fracture. Makes sense since you've broken these bones before, and not too long ago. I'll bind that up in a minute." I was breathing too fast. His eyes glanced up toward mine, finally meeting for a second. I couldn't read his expression.
I buried my face in my hands and muffled my sobs. Oh god, oh god. I'd screwed up. I'd screwed up so bad. I should never have come here, never should have even tried to become a hero. I hated the publicity, the training was hard and painful and slow, I was scared all the time and nowhere near strong enough to hold my own. Now I'd just blabbed about All Might to the League of Villains and dammit my leg hurt like hell and the back of my neck stung like crazy and I must have looked like a freak. If I had made literally one more misstep, I might have gotten Hawks killed. And now I had to keep it up for his sake. But they had my number now, as if I hadn't pissed off the leader enough.
And I had the feeling no one else knew or could know about this. So I had to cry as quietly as possible, even if it felt like no oxygen was actually making it to my lungs. This stupid, expensive outfit would have to be tossed for the bad memories and…
I felt like I might die right there and then.
"I'm sorry, Juniper." Hawks said earnestly, at a loss for the first time since I'd met him, "It's my fault for not noticing you'd followed sooner. By the time I realized, it was too late." At any moment, I was convinced my heart would stop. "Hey, hey, hey, listen to me." He grasped my hands tightly as I hyperventilated. His eyes locked with mine, intense and serious, "I will keep you safe, do you understand me?" His gaze didn't waver, like he was waiting for the message to register and be confirmed. Despite it all, I believed him. So I gave a messy nod. "So ease up on the crying, okay?" He stood up, "We're a team now. Come on, I'll help you up. You probably want a shower."
"Can…" My voice was high and broken, but I couldn't think, "Can you get the goggles from my room please?"
"Goggles?" I didn't clarify, sobbing. "Alright, but you have to clean yourself up. Up we go." He pulled at me and I almost fell, so he picked me up again, pulling off my other shoe. His shower was big and fancy. I assumed he needed a lot of room for his wings. It even had a linoleum bench inside, where he propped me down. "Left is hot, right is cold. I'll be back with your stuff in a minute. Take as long as you need." He shut the door behind him and I turned on the water, letting it drown out the sound of my crying.
A shower ended up being more necessary than soothing. I scrubbed off the caked dirt and blood and smeared makeup. My leg hurt like absolute hell and my hands had some burns on them too. The back of my neck stung the most, even when I tried to clean it gently.
The worst was my hair.
I'd been dreading it, but it was worse than I could have imagined. Charred clumps fell out and the whole process hurt terribly. I wasn't sure how much I had left.
Once I was clean, I turned the water off.
"How we doing?" Hawks called through the door.
"Your towels are white. I'll stain them."
"What kind of pro hero could I be if I couldn't wash off blood?" So I took one and wrapped it around me, "Okay, I'm coming in, but I'm not looking." He opened the door and with one hand firmly over his eyes, he placed a bundle of things by the sink. He closed the door again.
It was awkward and difficult, but I hopped over, staring at the goggles.
Then I slipped and fell, hard.
"Juniper?"
"I'm fine." I said flatly. "I just slipped." I'd made sure my leg was well out of the way, so I'd just bruise. I tried again. I dressed into my pajamas delicately. He'd brought my sleeveless blue tank top and loose shorts, no doubt for better first aid access. I was somehow embarrassed on top of it all. And kind of pissed. And very hopeless.
I moved to hang the goggles round my neck, but remembered the angry and blistering burn in the way, so I just held them for a moment for some courage. Thankfully, the mirror was fogged so I couldn't see how wild I looked.
I swung the door open. Hawks was watching TV. He glanced up and nodded toward the bed. I sat on the edge.
He didn't say a word as he patched me up. While he worked on my leg, I tended to the less serious cuts. Lots of band-aids were used, and I had to use straight-up gauze for my knees; the skin was shredded. My right arm, where I'd landed when I was thrown aside, was also particularly nasty.
"I shouldn't ask since you finally stopped crying." Hawks said in a low voice, "But I want to know what made you think it was a good idea to follow me to the middle of nowhere."
"You seemed upset." I wanted to sound indignant, but my voice just came out defeated, "So I wanted to make sure you were okay."
He didn't say anything for a few more minutes, bandaging my ankle tightly.
"I'm sor-"
"Don't." he stopped me sharply. So I stayed quiet. "Turn around." I did, facing the wall. "Yeah, he got your neck. Damn." I didn't expect to feel his fingers in my hair, "Lucky for us, the hair is totally salvageable. I'm no expert, but if you don't mind, I can give it a shot."
"It can't possibly get worse."
"Brave words." So I was quiet as he carefully cut my hair, getting rid of all the burnt bits that hadn't fallen off on their own. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, in and out, trying to relax. Its actually felt kind of nice, to have him so carefully take care of me. On the fly back, I'd been fully ready to pull myself together on my own; patch myself up, cut my own hair, comfort myself. I didn't expect this attention.
"…thank you." I murmured when he finished.
"Hey, not bad!" He said when I turned to him, "You should rock this hairstyle more often. If you hate it, though, he didn't get any roots, so it should grow back relatively quick. Now lemme see that neck." He spread a cool burn cream. "Okay, anything else? Any aches or unattended pains?"
"That about does it." I looked down at the floor, "Can I go to my room now?"
"…yeah." He held out an arm and helped me hop over, "…you have to-"
"I'll keep it a secret." I said, "I can hide most of these injuries, lie about the hair, and say training busted my leg." He didn't say anything more, leading me over to my bed. It was nearly dawn.
The moment I was seated, he turned and walked out without a second glance, closing the door behind him.
.
I slept a lot, but very poorly. Pain and cold and stressful thoughts kept waking me.
Even so, I did not want to get out of bed.
It must have been late afternoon by the sun hitting my face, so I sat, hopped to the bathroom, and washed my face to try and hide the puffiness of my eyes. I was startled by my reflection.
It looked like a pixie cut, it was so short, but Hawks had done an admittedly good job. It really looked like I'd gotten it done on purpose.
I didn't put on my hero suit; I was not doing hero work today. Instead, I hopped over, found some leggings and a long-sleeved shirt. The back of my neck would be visible and angry red, though, so I pulled on a hoodie to hide myself completely.
The goggles stayed in my hoodie pocket, grasped tightly.
Now hungry, I hopped to the kitchen.
"You two sure know how to party." Forestio commented from the table, "Hawks seemed just as dead on his feet. Have fun?"
"Lots. Sorry for sleeping in." I hopped toward the fridge. He looked up and stood, alarmed.
"What happened to your foot?" Ah.
"Don't laugh." I said, "After the party last night I may have… slipped in the shower. My poor leg can't take any more abuse so it's flared up."
"Have you gotten a doctor to check you out?" He asked, joining me in the kitchen. I kept my gaze low.
"Hawks wrapped it up himself. I feel way better this morning anyway." I grabbed at some cereal, "Maybe I'll stick to the sidelines today, but I'm happy to do any paperwork or grunt work."
"Yeah, take it easy for sure. I'll let Amelia know."
"Thanks."
I ate my cereal in uncomfortable silence. I checked my phone, finding half a dozen missed calls. Crap.
Eraser picked up on the second ring.
"I overslept, I'm sorry."
"Moe was worried when you didn't check in yesterday."
"The event went pretty long. A lot of speeches, a lot of intrusive questions. I just collapsed when I got back and woke up five minutes ago."
"Well at least you're checking in now." I didn't know what else to say. What was there to talk about that wouldn't be a lie? "Is everything alright?"
"Yeah!" I responded quickly, "Still just half asleep to be honest. Maybe a little homesick."
"Well you'll be back tomorrow so be patient. Shall I call Moe over and have you two video chat?" Video chat was a very bad idea right now.
"Nah, I'll call you back tonight instead. I have a mountain of paperwork I have to catch up on and I'd rather not seemed rushed to him."
"Okay, well, talk to you later then."
I hung up and put the goggles over my eyes, waiting to feel powerful.
"Here you are." Amelia walked in, "I heard about your fall. Don't worry, there's still lots for you to do. I gather you've seen enough patrols by now anyway."
"Yeah, it'll be nice to spice things up. Gimme a pen and I'm all yours."
Honestly, it ended up being a pretty boring day. Though the mind-numbing repetition was almost soothing, I'd hoped to run into Hawks, to talk, make sense of the hot mess we were in. But he never stopped by the office at all. Which meant I'd have to tell Eraser about both the hair and the leg without backup. And he was going to be pissed. Worse still, he would likely be able to call my bluff. And what then?
No, I needed to talk to my accomplice before I talked to my mentor.
So I texted him.
Solace: Can we please talk?
Hawks: Yeah.
I didn't really get what that implied until he finally stopped by the office. It was nearly nightfall.
"Hey, everyone." He greeted, friendly, "Sorry but I'm kidnapping your helper." He plucked the pen from my fingers and rested his chin on my shoulder, "It's her last night so I gotta treat her to some cake or she'll say terrible things about us."
"That was the plan." I deadpanned. I stood but looked down at my leg, skeptical, "Don't suppose we could stop and get some crutches first?"
"You won't need to walk where we're going." He said. "You didn't really think I'd let you leave without jumping out one more window?"
"A girl can only dream."
Hand round my waist, he took a running start and dove us head-first out the window. This time I didn't flinch. Sure enough, we were soaring in no time. I put an arm around his shoulders so we were basically giving each other an awkward sideways hug to keep myself from falling.
He went higher than usual, and I did my best not to shiver so I'd be spared the coat comment. "…as of right now, this is the safest place for us to talk." He was serious, looking forward, lighthearted persona left down on the ground, "Did you get any sleep?"
"Kind of. I need to know…" I swallowed hard, "The boy. The bag…"
"Fake. We're lucky he was distracted and didn't take it for inspection. It was a good fake, but still."
"So the League of Villains asked you to kill somebody?" Hawks gave an uncomfortable sigh.
"I guess it's only fair for me to fully clue you in. Yes, I've been in contact with the League of Villains for about two months now, working to gain their trust. This was assigned to me by the Hero Public Safety Commission. Only about five people total are aware of this mission."
"So you're trying to convince them you switched sides?"
"They have every reason to be skeptical, but a hero on the inside is too valuable an asset for them to immediately dismiss. Dabi has been the only member I've been allowed to speak to so far, but after yesterday, I get the feeling that'll change soon."
"This league is a big threat then."
"Yes. How big is for me to determine."
"And they're the ones who made the Nomu? Who attacked the USJ?" Who almost killed Eraser and myself?
"Yes." And I had to pretend to agree with them. "Let me be clear, they sent the Nomu a day early. I brought Endeavor to the city to deal with them swiftly, you were going to be holed up in the office. But they wanted to test me, I guess."
"Oh." So he knew those things would show up.
"I didn't say this yesterday, but you kept your cool better than I ever could have expected. Plus, you convinced Dabi of your involvement. I'm just sorry you're such a good liar."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"In my experience, the better the liar, the lousier the reason they're so good at it. Practice, you know? Anyway, if you keep that kind of performance up, we should be golden."
"I don't know if I can do that." I spoke softly, "Hawks, I don't even know if I can keep this from Eraser Head. The second he sees my face, he'll know I'm lying. About the hair, the leg, what's upsetting me… Everyone else, I can lie to just fine but the only reason I'm… I'm better in the head is because he taught me to be honest with him so I don't think I can… I…"
"I understand. Thanks for telling me as much." He was quiet for a few minutes, soaring over the city like a vulture. I could tell he was thinking hard.
"I'm sorry," I said, "I know I've just made your life ten times harder in the last twenty four hours. And if it's life or death, which it certainly seems to be, I can do it. I have to."
"You said you can keep it from everyone else? Even your brother? Your friends? Family?"
"Yes. And other than Moe, Eraser's the only family I've got."
"Well, push comes to shove, I could tell the higher ups about your involvement. No need to mention it before it's necessary though. They only really know what I tell them. Eraser Head is out of the question, though. As soon as you clue him in, not another soul can know it. Just you and me. This was already supposed to be a one man assignment."
"I'm-"
"Juniper," He sounded almost pained, "Please don't apologize. This is fully my responsibility, alright? No use moping about it, we just adapt and move forward."
"Right." I agreed, feeling much better now that I knew my mental health might survive the ordeal, "In that case, thank you."
"Well definitely don't thank me." He complained, dipping us a bit lower to change things up. The wind felt nice on my face, since I still felt like my skin was burning.
"What do you mean?" I asked, trying to force some optimism into the conversation, "I'm a part of a top secret mission with one of my favorite heroes, and he's being nice on top of it all. Hell, we're briefing in the sky."
"Well, if I'm going to ruin your life, I might as well do it in style."
"Jokes aside," I said, leaning my head lightly against his arm and watching the lights below begin to flicker to life, "For the first time, I feel a little less guilty. I know you're a pro at this, even just a few years older than me, but it seems like a lousy thing to do alone." The quiet felt awkward then, so I added, "I mean, secret missions are only fun when you have at least one other person in on the fun."
"Alright, enough shop talk." He said, "Let's get you cake. You know, for the cover."
"Well, if you insist."