Chapter 19
Dorian:
Christmas day. My family is here, including David, who has a weeklong break from filming.
I half-awaken early in my bed with David in the pre-dawn winter darkness.
There's no snow yet, but temperatures have been in the teens and twenties with a few fine blustery, windy nights...there's a chance of snow before New Year's day, which excites the kids.
Upstate New York had snow last week, so Hope had snow fun, but the others are hoping for snow here.
Above the wind outside, I hear the kids waking up and running downstairs, squeeing and laughing in excitement and it brings a sleepy smile to my face.
I know that they've now seen the mound of gifts piled under our tree.
"Should we wake up the grown-ups?" Zane asks.
"Here come Mom and Starr," Adriana's daughter Nova says.
Others are stirring, including Risa and Cassie. Now David is coming awake, his blue eyes slowly opening.
Bing Crosby's edition of The First Noel starts playing softly from downstairs.
"Merry Christmas, elf-doll," he smiles sleepily.
"Merry Christmas, my stocking cap," I murmur.
We lie there for a while dozing on and off, listening to the others come awake.
"Let's not open everything until Gran, David and Great-Aunt Addie wake up and come down...let's just start with a couple of things," Risa says. "We don't want them to miss all the presents."
"I'm surprised you're awake, Starr," Langston says. "How was Cole?"
"He's doing better," Starr tells her.
"Did you see Dad and Tina back in Llanview?" Blair asks. "How are they handling that mess with Viki?"
"Dad's mostly accepted things," Starr says. "The usual quips and all. Natalie and Jessica are blaming Tina, who's going between feeling sorry for herself, feeling sorry for Aunt Viki and complaining about Llanview being against her...she and Roxy got into it over Sunday's dinner blaming each other."
Starr wasn't able to get here until very late last night, close to midnight...she and Blair visited Llanview over the weekend, then Starr visited Cole yesterday before coming here.
I made sure that I had a private plane retrieve her and a driver pick her up from the airport last night.
I'm glad Starr was able to make it here by Christmas day because Hope was really worried and had a nightmare the night she and Blair arrived here.
Cassie, Kelly, Jack, Zane and Indigo came over the weekend while Addie, Blair and Hope were able to make it on two days ago along with Adriana and her husband and kids. A soft knock sounds on the door.
"Dori...?" Addie calls. "Are you awake...?"
"Yes..." I slowly sit up and have to rub my eyes a few seconds. "Merry Christmas, Addie...come on in."
"Merry Christmas, Dori," Addie slowly comes over and I pull on my favorite blue robe and wave Addie to the bed and we hug.
Addie has on a long lavender T-shirt and pants and she looks as happy as the kids sound.
"Merry Christmas, Addie," David adds.
"I have more of the cookies I made...want to go down and eat them while we open our presents?" Addie asks.
David and I are more awake now, so we head down. The tree downstairs is lit, outside it's beginning to grow light and the kids along with their parents are sitting on the floor and sofa.
"Merry Christmas!" we each great each other in a loud chorus.
"We made sure we didn't open too many presents yet, so you wouldn't miss the fun," Kelly tells us.
We spend the next few hours opening the gifts, exclaiming over them and eating potato pancakes, chocolates and apple cider.
Jill is especially delighted over the lego cars she's received while Hope is thrilled with the toy farm animals she's received.
I also receive a lot of wonderful gifts, including a beautiful photo album from Cassie, Adriana and Langston.
I lay back, feeling more relaxed and happier than I have in years, perhaps decades.
Growing up, Addie, Melinda and I never had holidays like this.
Most years, our parents couldn't afford new toys for us or a special holiday dinner or decorations, although Ms Stonecliff did make us a chicken medley meal and would put up sprigs of pine around the house.
When our grandparents were alive, they'd bring us small treats.
Even during my years in Llanview, I never felt as if I could have a true Christmas holiday.
There were the elaborate dinners, decorations and gifts, but most of the time, I was looking over my shoulder in fear of either an attack or drama.
Most of those Llanview holidays, several members were either estranged or one or more of us were entangled with the Buchanans.
Now I'm so glad I can give a true Christmas holiday for my family today.
•••••••••••••
Most of Christmas day is spent lounging, talking softly and eating.
After I take a quick shower, I make a quick pasta salad while Risa, Starr and Langston start on several dessert dishes.
Lunch is a superfluous sort of buffet in the kitchen where we float in to eat and out.
The six kids are having a ball in the living room with their toys and goodies...it's a nice holiday sound.
They're having such a great time that only Hope, Jill and Adriana's son Cato come in to get food.
Risa, Starr and Langston laugh over a lemon-chocolate treat they're making as I'm sitting at the table with Hope leaning on me, eating cookies.
I'm happy to see her smile along with the others as I stroke her brown hair.
"Doesn't quite match the picture on the website, but it tastes and smells great," Risa quips as she pours the light brown mixture in a bowl that Langston is holding.
"How about you two have a taste...?" Starr asks, holding out the bowl and two spoons.
Hope and I dip in. It is good...chocolate with a lemon tang, sort of akin to a nutella and mousse texture.
"Goob..." Hope says through a mouthful.
"Delicious," I say after swallowing.
"Into the oven then!" Langston booms.
Our cook, who has today off, has already made a turkey, so all we'll have to do later is re-heat it.
David enters the kitchen wearing the funniest Christmas sweater I've ever seen...it makes us, including David laugh.
It has bells all over it along with differently shaped Santas and silly-looking or bored-looking reindeer all over it. The front says Merry Freaking Christmas.
"Think this could win an ugly Christmas sweater contest?" David asks.
"Definitely," Risa says, licking off another spoon.
•••••••••••••
Although we eat a lot, that early evening as it's growing dark all of us sit down with the re-heated turkey and several other dishes.
Since we plan to see the National Christmas tree after eating, the seventeen of us eat in the kitchen.
Since Starr has visited two places and arrived late last night, I'm glad she was able to take a long nap in the afternoon.
She's more awake when she joins us and sees that Hope is having a good time.
"Mommy, Grandma, I'm glad you're back for Christmas," Hope says.
"Me too," Starr tells her.
"Didn't Viki's trial end on Friday?" Lance asks. "I saw it on the news online..."
"Yeh," Blair says. "Technically she was found guilty of assault but instead of jail, she has to go into a long-term facility perhaps for life."
"Roxy ended up with thirty days in jail starting after New Year's," Kelly says.
"I wonder what's going to happen to that Foxy Roxy's nail salon she had," Cassie muses.
"I think she has some assistant running it till she gets back," Langston puts in. "I read it on the Llanview site among the bickering with Natalie, Tina, Cord and Jessica...even Max is involved in the mess...he and Cord are fighting over a bit of land in Llanview."
"The drama never ends with that lot, does it?" I say, passing a platter of green beans to Kelly.
"No, it doesn't," Kelly helps herself to a pile of beans. "Joe and Rachel tell me that Tina leaves long voice messages and texts complaining about Cord not speaking to her again...she complains that both Natalie and Jessica are cozying up to Cord while badmouthing each other."
"Guess who came back to Llanview this fall?" Blair adds. "Max. And he's fighting Cord for ownership of the carriage house among other things...Cord also is all behind Roxy, which irks Tina, Natalie and Jessica, who also blame her for Viki's breakdown."
"Yeh...we're at the table Sunday," Starr forks another helping of mac and cheese on her plate. "Max shows up in the middle of dinner and Cord snarls at him to get out...Max insists that he 'just wants to be there for Viki.'"
"And Max has the hilarious gall to ask me, Blair, don't you remember the good times we used to have?" Blair laughs a bit. "Tina jumps up and shrieks at Max about how he's 'disgracing' Luna's memory just by being there."
"So...did Max leave...?" Zane asks.
"He did with a lot of complaining and vows to have revenge on Cord," Starr says.
"I'm glad we aren't entangled with that family anymore," Addie puts in. "I can see why Joe moved to Chicago and why Carlotta and now Nora moved away."
"Thinking back, I realize that a lot of people left Llanview after a Buchanan encounter," I say. "I suspect that's why Lee Ann moved away after her divorce and custody battle with Kevin...Jason moved away a little over a year later..."
It was for me when Jason left Llanview that summer of 1994...I shed an ocean of tears, crying for several hours that night after he left.
Jason had offered emotional support and had let me cry in his arms when I was on death row that spring of 1994.
I had to threaten a lawsuit to get the prison heads to allow Jason to visit me as well as allow the connections outside of Llanview to keep in touch with me.
Thank goodness our conversation drifts onto other things outside of the mess in Llanview.
Cassie tells us about the latest topics the newspaper she edits is covering and Addie shares with us some of the humanitarian projects she and Carlotta have worked on this Christmas season, including bringing gifts to those in nursing homes who have no other visitors.
Zane and Indigo tell us about the European and Middle Eastern history they are studying in school.
As we start clearing the dishes, Langston talks about her upcoming play she has a hand in producing.
It's a brief flurry of chatter and activity as we load the dishwasher and get ready to leave.
On a whim, we decide to take the subway. Fortunately, the train is not crowded on the way and it's a nice, brisk, wintry walk to the ellipse near the White House.
All around in the dark, people are singing carols and one lady is wearing dozens of bells all over and ringing them.
Not surprisingly, there are lots of families with young children there.
The tree itself is absolutely lovely...the lights are mostly sparkly white with bits of color here and there.
We're quiet for a few long minutes, just staring at the tree while clumps of people float past us.
"It's beautiful!" Indigo exclaims.
"The pictures and small screens don't do it justice," Jack adds and silently I heartily agree.
There are small trees surrounding the big tree, each one representing a US state or territory.
We spend the next hour or so meandering around the trees, several us of taking pictures.
I have to laugh when Cassie, Blair, Kelly, Adriana and Langston take a funny selfie each making funny faces.
My only regret is that the Hanukkah menorah is no longer lit since Hanukkah had been so early this year.
I silently make a vow to return the next Hanukkah season to see the Menorah lit...perhaps I'll send a picture to Nora.
As the night goes on, it grows more crowded and I begin to feel uncomfortable, so before I start crying, I weave my way to Cassie and Blair and let them know that I'm heading to the edge of the fence and will wait for them there...they nod, understanding.
It's something I'll have to ask my therapist...why I hate crowds so much that I panic...I wonder if it's connected with my claustrophobia.
It's around ten when we close Christmas day by heading back home and having the desert treats in the kitchen that our chef trio prepared earlier.
•••••••••••••
Three days after Christmas, the snow comes...we get several inches, enough to cover the ground and enough for the kids to play in.
Addie and I spend a happy, quiet peaceful afternoon that December 28 watching all six kids play in the snow, including a few snowball fights and making a snow fort.
"You seem to be sleeping better, Dori," Addie tells me. "I went by your room last night and you looked so peaceful...the wrinkles between your brows weren't so tight and you weren't squirming so nervously."
"Thank you, Addie," I say softly. "My sleep has been better this month...I wake up better rested now."
Addie and I hold gloved hands and gaze at the beautiful snow that blankets the city.
A few more flurries fall here and there...a magical, lovely spell seems to have descended upon DC that reaches my heart and perhaps enables me to heal even more quickly.
I'm glad because now I can truly be there for my family...Addie, Cassie, Blair, Kelly, Adriana, Langston and I can build the next generation of the Cramers to be even stronger.
It's something to look forward to going into the upcoming New Year.