That night, Noah was sitting at his desk, staring at a blank piece of paper. It was early evening. His curtains were shut. His door was also shut. All the lights were off save for his desk lamp. The only sounds in the house were that of his mother cooking dinner, and his father watching TV.
In short, everything was peaceful. It was a great time to focus on the task at hand.
Only…he couldn't seem to actually bring himself to do anything.
Every time he brought his pen to the paper, his whole mind just short-circuited. The words stubbornly refused to leave his brain and imprint themselves on the paper. Unlike the first letter, where everything flowed onto the paper as fast as a swollen river, this time that river had slowed to a pathetic trickle.
But that was mostly because Eva and Izzy were egging him on, and so he just wanted the letter written and done as soon as possible.
Why the hell was he even doing this, anyway? It's not like Eva and Izzy were forcing him to this time.
(But he knew why, deep down. He knew full fucking well why.)
He clenched his jaw at the thought of Cody's face scanning the cafeteria.
He'd wanted him to notice him.
No he didn't.
Yes he did. He wanted Cody to gaze at him with those sparkling teal eyes of his.
No. Noah would have just made a fool of himself. Being in love was like being drunk, with all the stupid decisions that came along with it. One of which was letting Eva and Izzy goad him into writing that letter in the first place.
If he and Cody ever talked again, he was going to say or do something stupid. It might even be enough to irreparably damage the strange relationship that they already had.
Was it worth taking that risk?
Before Noah could even attempt to answer that question, his mother opened the door and strolled into his room, carrying a plate of nachos.
"Dinner's ready," she announced. She placed the plate on a clean corner of his desk and lovingly tousled his hair. Noah could feel her eyes land on the blank piece of paper. "What are you doing?"
Noah gulped. "Just something for school."
"Do you need any help with anything?"
"No. I'm good."
"Okay. Just yell if you need anything."
She turned to leave, walking all the way to the door, but then she paused, her hand resting on the doorknob. Noah can tell when she's deep in thought about something. The next second and a half seemed to stretch for all of eternity.
She looked back at him over her shoulder. "Are you sure you don't need any help?"
Noah gulped again. "No."
His mother scrutinised him, harder than he'd ever been scrutinised before in his life. "Noah, I can tell when you're in trouble."
He didn't say anything in response to that.
"I can tell," she repeated, mistaking his silence for disbelief. "Call it a mother's instinct. Now, what's wrong?"
Noah knew that denying it further would only lead to more interrogation. So he sighed and braced himself for the onslaught - a different kind of onslaught, that is.
"There's this guy I like-" he couldn't even finish before she gasped, a smile blooming on her face.
"Awww, my baby's in love!" She immediately went in for a hug. Noah didn't have the chance to fend her off. She squeezed him so tightly he thought he might pass out.
"Mom…" he wheezed, which seemed to snap her out of it.
"Oh, sorry." She backed off. "Now, what were you saying?"
"I…there's this guy at school that I like, and we're kinda friends, I guess? And I want to write him a letter-"
"A love letter?"
"Yeah…but I don't know what to say…I don't really wanna tell him it's me, because I don't know if he likes me back…"
"Okay, honey," his mother perched at the edge of his desk. "The trick here is to not overthink it. Just write down how you feel. And write it as though no one is going to read it."
"But he is going to read it," Noah buried his face in his hands. "I don't know how to do this…"
"Like I said: don't overthink it. Don't stress over it." She reached over and ruffled his hair. "You're very smart, Noah, but you need to learn how to shut off your brain and listen to your heart."
Noah went still. It wasn't the advice he was expecting.
"You'll manage," his mother said. She quietly got up and made her way to the door. "I'll leave you alone now, okay?" Then the door closed softly behind her.
Noah turned his attention back to the black piece of paper. His pen trembled in his grasp. Just shut off your brain and listen to your heart…
His heart was so guarded that he didn't think it would let him follow it.
But he had to try. He couldn't just sit here like this forever.
He would need to brute-force his way through it…but gently.
"Just do it," he told himself as he put pen to paper. "Stop worrying so much…"