Prompt #97: Memory I Don't Mess With by Lee Brice

You Leave Me Helpless

~oOo~

That's a memory I don't mess with
The girl I was the best with
The one I was obsessed with
Girl, you just don't get it
I'd fall right back with one slip
Always leave me helpless

In the past seven years or so, Elliot had tried to keep Olivia out of his mind. It had never worked completely. He'd needed to compartmentalize everything after shooting Jenna. All those feelings and memories had gotten shoved as far back as he could manage.

Getting away from New York, the NYPD, and Olivia had really only prolonged his marriage for a few years longer than if he'd stayed. The divorce had been finalized a few months back, though they'd been separated for longer. Kathy and Eli remained in Rome, both enjoying life in Italy too much to return. He'd almost immediately packed up his things to come back.

The cabin in New Hampshire was actually his brother's. Randall had been the one to suggest crashing there for a few months. They planned to head back to New York before Christmas to spend time with the rest of the family—and his kids. His older kids had been happy to have him back. He felt a lot of guilt over how they felt abandoned when he'd fled the city.

He was slowly repairing his relationships with them. It was good. Coming home had been good, even if he was hiding in a cabin in New Hampshire for a few months. It gave him time to think about how to bridge the gap with Olivia if she'd even allow him to. He had to try.

He had to try.

"Hey. That woman of yours is on the news." Randall called out from the living room where he'd been watching the TV.

"What? Kathy is not my anything, and why would she be on the news?"

"Wrong woman. The other one. The one Ma always said scared the pants off Kathy." Randall motioned towards the TV, where Elliot could see Olivia. "Her kid was kidnapped."

Elliot stared blankly at the screen, barely processing what his brother and the newscaster were saying. "She made Lieutenant. She has a son. Good for her. I'm so proud of her. Wait…did you say kidnapped?"

"Yeah, knucklehead, are you listening to anything at all?"

Noah Porter-Benson had gone missing that morning. Elliot ignored the brief flash of jealousy over the name. Porter. He couldn't imagine Olivia ever getting involved with Dean Porter.

They showed a photo of the little boy. Brown hair, bright blue eyes. Elliot tried not to imagine another last name attached to Noah. He didn't have a right to those sorts of dreams, not after what he'd done.

"I need some air." Elliot couldn't stand to look at the photo of Olivia and her son. He needed a moment to clear his head. "I'm going for a walk."

"Fine. You might give her a call."

"Not sure she'd answer." Elliot grabbed his coat, threw it on, and stepped outside. I'm not sure I'm the voice she wants to hear after so long.

It was late in the afternoon. Elliot zipped up his coat as he walked away from the cabin. He walked down towards the lake, trying to decide what to do.

Should he reach out to Olivia?

Would she even want his support?

"I know you."

Elliot had been so lost in thought he hadn't noticed the two people walking towards him. He peered down at the familiar blue eyes of Noah Benson. "Do you?"

"Mom has your picture on a shelf in her bedroom. This is Grandma Sheila." He smiled brightly, clearly not yet aware his grandmother had actually kidnapped him. "You're her old partner."

"I am." Elliot chose to ignore Sheila for the moment. He crouched in front of the little boy. "And you must be Noah. Look at you. You've gotten so big."

Noah grinned even wider. He pulled his arms up to show his muscles. "I'm really strong too."

"I see that. Have you talked to your mom today? Why don't we give her a call?" Elliot didn't have Olivia's recent number, but he did have one that hadn't changed. He prayed that Fin would answer. He kept his smile bright and his gaze on Sheila while he waited until, finally there was an answer. "Hey. Fin? Guess who I just ran into? Noah. Is Liv around? I promised him that he could tell her."

"Stabler? What the fuck? Wait. Did you say Noah? Where are you?"

Elliot managed to stay smiling, for Noah's sake. He could see Sheila tensing and prepared himself to intervene if she tried anything. "Yeah, yeah. I couldn't believe my luck. I'm staying with my brother at his cabin in Franconia. Never expected to see Olivia's son with his grandmother."

"I got you. Hang on."

Elliot listened while Fin clearly made his way through the squadroom. He heard her a few seconds later. The strain and stress was evident in her voice. "Liv."

"Elliot? What—"

"I've got someone here who's excited to see you. I ran into him while he was walking with his grandma." Elliot crouched down and held the phone out to Noah, who shuffled closer to him. "Here. Say hi to your mom."

While Noah spoke with his mom, Elliot stood up and placed himself between the boy and his grandmother. Sheila seemed almost manic. Her gaze darted everywhere as if she were hunting for an escape.

"Don't even think about it." Elliot hissed. He made sure Noah couldn't hear him. "I'm a former NYPD detective. Olivia Benson was my partner. And I am not letting you lay a hand on her son. Are we clear?"

Before Sheila could respond, Noah grabbed the back of Elliot's jacket. He turned around and took the phone. Olivia kept her voice low, telling him that local LEOs were on the way. She was catching the next flight to Manchester and would be there as soon as possible. He promised not to let her son out of his sight.

There was no way for Sheila to refuse to visit his cabin. Noah skipped cheerfully along beside Elliot, telling him everything about his life. It was hard not to feel bitterly heartbroken over having missed so much of Olivia's journey as a mother.

Through the stilted conversation while they waited, Elliot learned Noah was adopted. Sheila's daughter had tragically passed away. They didn't go into the details.

As time passed, Sheila became increasingly stressed. Elliot made sure to keep himself between her and Noah. It seemed to take forever for the police to arrive.

It was late in the evening when Olivia arrived. Elliot had allowed the police to handle Sheila. He didn't have a badge anymore—and Noah was his priority.

Elliot stayed by his jeep, watching Olivia reunite with her son. He was surprised when she eventually left Noah with one of the detectives who'd come with her. He didn't recognize the man—and she hadn't introduced him. "Hey."

"Thank you so much." Olivia swiped at the tears forming. "Thank you so much. I don't know what I would've done if I'd lost him."

"I'm just glad I stumbled on them. I'm glad I was here." Elliot wanted to pull her into a hug. He held his arms open, waiting for her to make a decision. She considered him for a moment before practically falling into his embrace. "I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner."

"I thought I'd lost him. I thought…" Olivia shuddered in his arms. She seemed to relax when he tightened his arms around her. "I knew he was safe when I heard your voice."

"Always. I'd protect him with my life." Elliot ignored the curious gaze from the detective who was talking with Noah. "I'm hoping maybe we can reconnect. I'm moving back to New York in a couple of weeks. Plan to spend Christmas with my mom and kids."

"Not Kathy?"

"We're divorced. Turns out we work better apart." Elliot reluctantly released her. It had been good to have her in his arms. "I know I don't deserve the chance, but I'd like to rebuild our friendship. I've missed you. It was my own fault—but I've missed you so damn much, Liv."

"I'll give you my number." Olivia reached out to take his hand, giving it a squeeze before letting go. "I'd like to reconnect."

That's a memory I don't mess with
The girl I was the best with
The one I was obsessed with
Girl, you just don't get it
I'd fall right back with one slip
Always leave me helpless

They started agonizingly slowly with phone calls. Elliot stopped by the precinct a few times, dropping off coffee and checking in on her. He'd ignored the distrust from her detectives and the bemused acceptance from Fin.

Their conversations had been painful and stilted at first. He learned about all the things that had happened in his absence. And he shared his long journey to healing after the shooting.

It was late summer after a BBQ at the beach with his kids, his mom, Olivia, and Noah. It had taken him months to gather his courage to ask her out on a date. He'd been shocked when she said yes.

Noah was going to hang out with his mom. Grandma B. She'd taken the little boy under her wing. He loved spending time with her.

Elliot waited for Olivia. He smiled when she stepped out in a beautiful summer dress. "You're absolutely beautiful, Liv."

She pushed her hair back off her shoulders. "What are we doing?"

"They're doing a concert on the beach. Music I think you'd enjoy. There's going to be dancing." Elliot smiled when she slipped her hand into his when they started walking away from his mom's cottage. "I Figured it would be a good first date. Always wanted to take you dancing."

"Yeah?"

"Just loved watching you move," Elliot admitted. "You've always been so damn beautiful that you left me helpless."

Olivia lifted their hands up, brushing a kiss to his knuckles. "I'm glad we're here. Glad you came back. Just…I'm really glad we're here."

"Kathleen said I shouldn't say this…but you gotta know I love you, Liv." He smiled when she kissed his hand again. "Too soon?"

"Never too soon for love, El. Not between us."

The author of this SVU - Love Leads You Home story will be revealed in March