DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything from the Naruto universe.

Thinking (+ flashbacks, "Mito speaking to Kurama in her mindscape," etc.)

Emphasis

Bijuu, etc. speaking

Bijuu, etc. thinking

Mito was back at the brothel she'd visited earlier, smiling and this time not wearing a henge. After knocking on the back door, she threw up a peace sign at the woman who she'd spoken to earlier when the older woman opened a peephole door. "Yo!"

The woman groaned. "Eh. Not wearing a henge this time, Namikaze?"

"Well, from one kunoichi to another within our great village walls, I thought that might be considered rude."

"Bah! Tell me this girl: do you consider yourself an Uzumaki? Or a Namikaze?"

Mito shrugged although her eyes had dramatically narrowed. "I am both. Namikaze is the name on my birth certificate: the name of my esteemed father. My revered mother, as I'm sure you know, is Uzumaki Kushina. I am the Uzumaki Clan Head, a role I wish more than anything she still was here to hold but which I may proudly wear until my dying day." Or until Naruto is like 30 and allowed to marry and have kids.

- Aw, man! Kawaii nieces and nephews?!
- Maybe I'll let him get married when he's 20.
- After a VERY thorough vetting, she thought, chuckling evilly about that imaginary bodily threatening, possible pounding, and AHEM, vetting she meant, in her head.

The woman blew out a sigh. It's not like she meant to openly disrespect the Hokage with his daughter; not from the get-go; she was just in a shitty mood. "What do you want?"

"Advice."

The woman sighed even harder and then grumbled, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Welp, your timing couldn't be better," she admitted as if it pained her. "I've got a girl who needs to be seen. I was just about to call someone."

Mito gave her a firm, serious nod. "Please allow me to help." The door opened and Mito followed the woman through a large, very clean, industrial kitchen, and then several surprisingly opulent rooms, toward a large staircase. "I haven't properly introduced myself. I am Namikaze Mito."

"Oh, I knew that from your seals when you were here before, girlie. Call me Ada. I knew your mother."

"Really?"

Ada turned her head back toward her, smiling a little despite herself at how pleased the younger kunoichi looked to hear that. "I did! I can't say I'm surprised she had a kid so young - and I mean that in the best of ways. She was so understanding and good with my girls; always lookin' out for us - and real good with kids."

Mito hummed, smiling but serious about seeing someone who needed medical attention. "You are the owner of this establishment?" she asked as they continued to climb stairs. The inside of the place was really fancy; it reminded her of the inside of one wing of the Daimyo's palace, only not as hideously ostentatious.

Still pretty over the top, though, she thought.

"It's been mine and only mine for two decades. –I inherited this place as a dump from my husband and turned it into what you see today." Reaching the top floor, she waved her forward toward an open door at the end of a hallway. Ada saw no scorn or reservations in the younger woman's expression when she checked behind her. "Lily is a hostess. She had a 'client' that went overboard before she was able to hit the panic button."

Mito clicked her tongue when she saw the woman's black eyes and swollen face. She also had dark bruises around her neck. Frowning with worry, she sat down beside her, careful not to jostle the young woman, and began healing the most serious issue she could see - which was mainly tissue swelling - and then ran a diagnostic on one area of her body after another. "She should've been brought in," she muttered to herself. Looking up at Ada sharply, she asked, "Did you report this?"

"To who?" the madame spat. "It's not like the Uchihas are around anymore."

"There are some." The Uchihas hadn't been wiped out!

"Not on the police force. And the Hyuugas are assholes."

Mito hummed, knowing that thing about the Uchihas wasn't quite as true as people thought - and there were some good Hyuugas out there, quite a few of them. She smiled kindly as the younger woman began to wake up, continuing to repair and reduce inflamed tissues. "You're in safe hands now. My name's Mito and I'm a doctor."

"Mito-*cough*-hime?"

Mito pulled a face reflexively as she worked. "I am no princess, I can assure you." That earned her a bark of laughter from the proprietress. "Just Mito is fine, please; no honorifics. You don't need to talk, but I'd like to ask a question and can assure you that what you choose to reveal today is between only a medical provider and his or her patient - and therefore is protected." She paused and took a breath. "Were you violated?"

The woman scoffed. "I was strangled."

Mito winced. "That is… pretty damn violating." She okayed Lily having water once she was finished with her throat and neck, ran a quick vitals check, and ensured that there were no pre-existing or lingering issues with the areas she determined had been damaged. Then Mito began running through a list of questions she knew to ask assault victims.

The victim frowned more and more, her attention focused on her employer as green medical ninjutsu lit up from the red and blonde-haired woman's hands - waiting for her to finally stop asking questions. "We've had so many nice conversations and he just… snapped!"

Ada clicked her tongue. "That's what you get for dating a shinobi." Continuing to work, Mito's eyes narrowed as she wondered who it was. It didn't sound like this was "only" a client/provider issue or crime. "Mito, you said you're here for advice?"

"She's helping me," Lily reminded her boss. "And you give me a hard time about my manners." She winced when the medic checked her right eye.

"Forgive me," Mito said in a low, genuine voice as her patient quietly argued with Ada. She held one hand up to her left eye and held up three fingers with the other. "Can you tell me how many fingers I'm holding up?"

"Not if you don't let me see outta my other eye."

"I was afraid of that." Mito dug through some scrolls, explaining what she'd like to do to bring down the swelling she was seeing around that eye, in particular, assuring the young woman that there would be no scarring.

"Listen to the doctor, Lily! Now really: what advice were you lookin' for when you came here, No Honorific Mito?" Ada asked.

Mito numbed the area and made a tiny incision so that she could better use her chakra to investigate and heal the delicate area. She tried to ignore the older woman's attitude. "Originally? I was going to ask what you thought of the empty lot across the street."

"Ha. It's a dump and an eyesore."

Mito nodded as she worked; the lot she was considering for the museum was certainly a mess right now. Presently home to mainly large items that wouldn't fit into waste receptacles, Mito figured that the overgrown lot had to be running with vermin and who knows what else, too. "It has underground plumbing and the area is nice."

"Nice?" Lily and Ada said together after a beat. Ada began laughing.

"I think you're the one who needs her eyes checked," Lily said, giving her a hard time.

Mito grinned slightly, glad to see that the woman was doing better - although they needed to discuss what had happened to her more. Fortunately, she seemed quite resilient, for now anyway. "I was thinking about buying it."

Ada's mouth fell open and she dropped into a chair next to the bed so that she could make better eye contact. "You've gotta be kidding me!"

"I'm not! I could afford a little more but I need to be able to support my idea long-term." For long after I'm dead and gone. I don't want to saddle Naruto with any debt or worries about it, other than keeping it in the family. Poor Naruto. Having a continuing family line at all was going to be his sole responsibility unless she could bring Karin back one day and she wanted to have children - not that she'd ever force anything on either of them. She'd one day be leaving Naruto with enough to deal with, without debts or payments that he had to worry about. "I do like the area," she continued, getting back on the museum topic. "This whole neck of Konoha has so many interesting shops and attractions."

Lily got a little more comfortable as she let out a quiet snicker. "'Shops and attractions,'" she sarcastically parroted. She blinked up appreciatively when her headache ebbed thanks to the kunoichi's diligent work.

Ada arched her graying eyebrow knowingly. "More like bars, brothels, and sex shops."

"Well sure, but they're still nice," Mito rebutted, gesturing around her. "Your place is beautiful and there are a lot of other businesses here: tattoo parlors, a few really sought-out nightclubs from what I hear; some really neat little restaurants or food stands…"

Ada supposed that was true enough. She was a little surprised that anyone outside of those who lived here knew it, though. Most ninja visitors came en masse at night when a lot of regular businesses were closed. There were a lot of hidden little gems on this side of town, where so many of Konoha's newer residents lived (and often stayed since there weren't a lot of opportunities to get a leg up) - refugees or immigrants. "You don't want to live here, right?"

Mito took a stethoscope out of her bag. "I've already got a flat but I was thinking of putting a museum in that lot behind you."

Lily's eyebrows drew down for a second, making her wince. "We don't have a museum in this part of town."

"Yes we do," Ada corrected her. "There's that old post office…"

"Who wants to walk around an old post office?" Mito grinned and raised her hand, telling Lily that Konoha's princess was definitely weird as far as she was concerned. The kunoichi with so much hair kept putting her hand into either papers or INSIDE of her arms, making her nauseous. She knew those were "seals" but… gross.

"There's the railroad museum - and the furniture museum," Ada mentioned.

"Those aren't real museums. One houses a bunch of toy trains and the other's a furniture factory!"

Mito's eyes lit up. "I think I've heard of that furniture place: they make hand-crafted stuff, right?"

Ada nodded. "In the lot across from it, they give glass-blowing seminars and let people watch. And they blow and cut glass, of course. There's a lot of industry over on that side."

"Neat," Mito softly grinned. This was turning out even better than she'd hoped, aside from everything going on with her patient, of course. It felt way past very odd to be discussing nice things in front of an assault victim, though. Mito worried that with the way they were acting, this happened to either Lily or some of the other people that worked here a lot. It's as if they're used to it. –It made her feel sick with worry. Tsunade's words echoed in her head.

"Your main priority is to make the patient feel comfortable so that you can heal her or him…"

"There's an arcade two blocks over," her patient mentioned, yawning. "Their windows are all blacked out but they're open. They've got classic video games and you can do pachinko and even ax-throwing out back and stuff."

Mito noticed that talking about the arcade had made Lily's pretty dark eyes brighten slightly. "I didn't know that." Mito knew of video games but she'd never played them - aside from what was on her phone, which hardly had anything. "Do you like to spend time there?" Lily nodded. "I've got a student who might learn something there."

- Oh, who was Mito kidding? Kiba was more likely to hang out and play video games or possibly shoot an ax sideways like he did the other day in training. Mito still wasn't sure how he managed that.

"I guess the arcade is for kids?"

"During the day it is," Lily replied, a tired smile brightening her face. "At 2000, the place goes adults-only and they serve beer and cider. And pops. You can have food delivered in."

Mito thought that sounded like a blast. There was even more to do on this side of town than she'd thought.

"Tell her why she shouldn't date a shinobi," Ada said, tired of the younger gals' idle talk.

"Me?" Mito asked. "Everyone's different whether you're a ninja or a civilian. And shinobis, for the most part, have hot bodies so I get why…"

"Exactly," Lily agreed.

Ada stomped her foot. "But they wake up in the night and see enemies, do they not, kunoichi?"

Mito sagged. Ada was right. She looked at her patient. "Is that what happened to you?"

"Maybe?" Lily asked herself. "He was REALLY tired, just coming off a mission..."

"You shouldn't have brought him here," Ada scolded.

"My place was being fumigated and you said it was okay to stay over!" Their arguing continued and Mito waited them out, eventually providing some domestic abuse literature, more on ways to get help, as well as giving both women instructions on after-care when Lily opted to keep everything else that happened to herself. Mito promised to come back and check on her.

Ada hadn't been too thrilled about that but she did seem interested in the ideas Mito had to fund the Uzumaki museum. She also took another giant batch of condoms since the Uzumaki girl was offering them free.

.

A few days later, she was showing the lot to Asuma and her friends, getting their opinions. Mito had earlier been by the brothel to check on her patient and was pleased to find the woman's primary doctor happened to be visiting (she was an old friend of Ada's.) The doctor was a woman Mito had met on a couple of occasions at the hospital who operated a clinic on this side of town.

"It's big," Asuma said about the lot.

"The lot needs to be big," Mito replied, changing track to thinking about the building she wanted to put there. "I'll probably have to hire people which means that I need to make a profit somehow with more than just donations." Honestly, she doubted that very many in Konoha would donate to an Uzumaki Museum as horrible as that was. Traitors. Maybe she could find or begin a general funding mechanism for all of the museums in the area, or for the entire district. "If we had enough room we could hold concerts or sporting events: I mean, little ones, of course. You know, like something the size of a volleyball court maybe. Or if we had more space - I need to measure exactly how big the building is and figure where it needs to be placed in relationship to the plumbing and…"

"Sand volleyball," Anko grinned as the idea popped into her head, interrupting and wiggling her eyebrows playfully (although she covered her mouth faux-apologetically.) Mito snorted but thought it was a pretty good idea, actually. Anko liked to watch the volleyball players on TV in their teeny bikinis - and Mito always avidly watched the men or mixed teams when the sport was being broadcast in a bar. "Oh, and during the day, kiddies could play in the sand!"

"They might use it as a litter box," Hayate mumbled. Asuma laughed.

"Hmm. Outdoor film festivals or concerts are often used to casually fund nonprofits," Kakashi offered. "Maa, I doubt this lot's big enough, though, depending on how large the building you want to put here is."

"Your idea about the planetarium was good," she told him. People would pay for such a thing, right?

Asuma had heard Mito describe the building that was currently sitting in Uzushio although he hadn't seen it. "How are you planning to pull off a planetarium?"

"Fuuinjutsu on the top floor of the museum, baybay," Mito grinned. "And you know," she added more lamely, "lights and stuff."

"You'll need a good sound system," Hayate mentioned.

Mito grimaced. She'd have to put some thought into that. Mito had never worked sound into seals before and using standard sound equipment had to be expensive. "Maybe I can get Zabuza to pirate me up some goodies."

"Speaking of pirates," Anko said, dropping her hand heavily on Mito's shoulder. "We need to get to work."

"You know," Yugao said, ignoring Anko and tapping her chin. "You could make cool, outdoor, BIG ideas work in another place - like over on the west side? You wouldn't need plumbing and stuff, just electricity and porta potties."

"Or bushes," Asuma joked.

Yugao rolled her eyes, choosing not to comment on that horrible idea. "You could buy or rent two lots, Mito; one for the building and another to fund it."

Mito had poked Asuma for the bushes comment, frustrated and worried - although Yugao's idea was good, if she could afford it. Or maybe I can talk them into going in on it with me. In the end, she let out a bitter laugh. "Truly? I don't know what I'm doing. I've already got so much stuff going on - and what do I know about business or marketing? Nothing! How can I do it all, even if I did know what was what when it came to something like this?"

"Maa, hime-sama," Kakashi drawled, smoothly moving his arm over and around her waist until it made its way to her shoulder and back down again. "It's not like you to give up!"

Mito gave him a flat stare. "I think you're mistaking me for my brother." For some reason, Kakashi seemed to find that funny. She found herself unable to say anything more about it as he didn't let go of her; he just kept reading his book, standing there rubbing and attached to her as everyone talked about what they wished they had an opportunity to do; things that weren't available in Konoha that they'd heard about or seen on TV in the West.

She… maybe didn't want Kakashi to let go of her. Sadly, the more Mito considered it, the more her face heated up to the point she could SEE the red heat coming off of her face. Glancing over at him, Mito realized Kakashi was side-eyeing and smirking at her under his dumb mask. "Idiot! Let go of me!"

Anko rolled her eyes. Mito wanted to get laid so badly and that masked scarecrow (with the hot body: she could see and appreciate it even if she weren't interested) was practically begging her to take care of her (partial?) virginity problem. "C'mon, Mito; seriously. Ibiki's going to pull my fingernails out if I don't drag you in soon."

"Gross," Kurenai hissed. "Don't SAY that!"

"What a drag," Mito lamented in a whisper at the same time, allowing Anko to begin dragging her off. "I'll see you guys later, I guess. —Thanks for checking it out, 'ttebane!" Most of her pals waved her off as they strolled further into the district, making her sigh. Were they headed to the brothel across the street? She turned around, afraid to see - or afraid that Kakashi was going there, anyway.

It's certainly not my business, she reminded herself. She got sex work; she really did. Just with him, it felt different somehow.

Anko looked back, her hand still on Mito's upper back, pushing her forward, several paces later. "Hmm. I bet they're headed to that seedy bar on North 8th. Kurenai mentioned it a few days ago. I hear they make 'em strong there and it's almost Happy Hour." Mito was all uptight, chewing on her bottom lip. She looked back toward their other pals again. "Oh, relax, Baka! He walked straight past the giant brothel."

Mito's eyes went wide as she looked at her, embarrassed and frustrated - although neither of them said anything more about Kakashi.

"Although, " Anko drawled, "this part of town is Love Hotel and Whore House Central so maybe they're hitting a different one for an orgy." Mito tripped, making Anko laugh. "Honestly, you need to do something about all that blushing, Mito. Seriously! I'm always afraid you're gonna have an aneurysm or something." Or your head's going to explode in any case.

"Shut up, Anko!"

The two kunoichis walked for another ten minutes or so, checking out the area on their way to T.

Anko ended up working her lip, too - which was a bad habit one of them had transferred to the other through osmosis, she bet. She needed to bug Mito about something she didn't want too many others to know about. What if I fail? "Not here, but uh… I need to talk to your father about something, I think. I wanted to see what you thought about it."

Mito nodded, wondering what that was about. She could use some advice about her father's "goings on" or his lack of them, now that she thought about it.

When they finally got to the Intelligence Complex, Ibiki was in an interrogation "meeting" so the two kunoichis sat in the room attached to their office, swinging their legs off a stainless steel table (Mito didn't want to think why it might be there) and talking while a secretary was redoing their paperwork. Deciding to find their friends tonight as soon as they were done, Anko checked her watch and groaned.

"I've got a meeting with Inoichi in less than an hour and I guess you need to come with me," Anko said, "now."

"Inoichi?" Mito asked nervously. "I'm supposed to meet with my students," she lied. Inoichi was scary.

"Bullshit! I knew you'd lie! I'M your primary Intel contact, dummy. You don't have to worry about this." Anko sighed, shaking her head at her goofy friend. "Inoichi said you wouldn't come. He said - rightly so - that you were all weird about 'Everything Yamanaka' and told me I could walk you through the first part, anyway…"

Mito grumbled but quickly followed Anko (who was still talking but out of earshot) so that they could walk side by side. "Seriously, Anko. What are we doing?"

"You got a certain kind of mission you need to be outfitted for, right?" Mito didn't say one way or another but Anko knew. She'd give Mito this: the way she tilted her head and raised her eyebrows when curious was cute. Seriously: what was her problem with NOT getting laid? "Who do you think does that stuff? –Gives you what you need for missions like the one you've got?"

Mito hadn't exactly known. Jiraiya just said he'd be in touch - IF that's the mission Anko was talking about "My mom said that she used to hate making alterations to kimonos and stuff but I didn't know where they came from." She specifically remembered learning to sew that way: trying to help her mother make slight, temporary alterations to outfits that she now knew were used for infiltration missions. "So um… Do you know about my upcoming mission?" Mito asked, feeling a lot of nervous excitement about it.

"That you're going off to fuck with pirates? Hell, yeah! And I swear to Kami, Mito, you'd better come back with your cherry fully popped."

Mito sweatdropped. What did that even mean?! "I think I can do that."

"Oh-ho! Grreat!," Anko cheered for her before rechecking her nails, immediately bored again. "Meh! Men suck and pirates probably stink, though."

"So do you - and I stand you just fine," Mito shot back with a grin, snorting when Anko took a deep sniff of her armpit. She used a genjutsu-covered code to unlock a door that opened to a warehouse-like room that contained what had to be thousands and thousands of apparel pieces. "Whoa. This place is unreal!"

"Yeah."

"I mean, you could wear whatever you want and change what your outfits look like, daily!"

"Yep, 'cept that it's restricted. Plus why would ya want to?"

"Good point," Mito agreed. There was way too much to choose from here. Her eyes were drawn to a bright orange kimono that she bet Naruto would like. She pulled it out from the rack a little and grimaced at the giant, dark pink sakura blossoms on it. "Yikes!" Talk about ugly. She spread her senses out a little to ensure they were alone. "So what do you need to talk to my dad about that involves me, anyway? You know he does NOT know about the pirate thing, right? Those orders came from Jiraiya."

Anko understood. Mito's orders normally came from Shikaku (or Ensui) but the Nara cousins let Jiraiya do almost anything he wanted, considering that Jiraiya was over what was internally referred to as Outer ANBU. (All ANBU ops do outside missions so what does that even mean? she wondered ) Shikaku, Inoichi, and Dragon often said it was too troublesome to stop the Sannins from doing whatever the hell they wanted to do. And considering the Toad Sage's Village Spymaster job, coupled with his relationship with the Hokage, Anko figured the Jiraiya had his fingers dipped into literally everything. "I'm going to ask Hokage-sama about becoming a sage. I want to CONVINCE him to let me go do whatever I gotta do for it and thought that maybe you could help me. –Maybe we can get him drunk or something to talk him into it."

"That wouldn't take much," Mito knew. Her father was a total lightweight; a really cheap date. "Oh, wait. OHHHH," Mito exclaimed, her blue eyes sparkling. "You want to become a snake sage!"

"Exactly," Anko said, putting her hands on her hips. "The snake sages live in that cave he mentioned."

"Where that creepy oil comes from."

Anko unconsciously ran her fingers over her seal and gave Mito a dirty look before flopping onto a couch, pulling down a box with her that she had earlier set aside on a shelf. "Yes. Surely they can tell me how to get this fucking seal off or give us more intel on that oil if nothing else."

If anyone understood what it was like to be branded by a seal [(although for Mito, hers were either self-made or allowed to be placed (mostly)] it was Little Miss Seals a Lot. Plus if it hadn't been for what Mito had found in the seals like the cursed one on her shoulder, she wouldn't have thought to do this. "You said Jiraiya said that becoming a sage is incredibly dangerous?"

"It is," Mito confirmed. "I mean, I only know how it goes with the toads and slugs but I assume it's similar."

Anko snorted, her purple eyebrows climbing behind her bangs. "You know more than most people then. –Sometimes I forget you used to summon those slimy things."

"Hey! The slugs are great." They just didn't want me anymore, Mito sadly reminded herself. That wasn't quite true, supposedly, but Mito still wondered why they wouldn't take her back after she worked out the majority of her chakra issues. Although they wouldn't work with Shizune, either. "Anyway, rather than go to my father, let's talk to Jiraiya first. I'll flash you over there early tomorrow morning if you want; he's at the Southern Base, training."

"Right." Anko had heard that many times. Mito pulled a shitty little radio off another shelf and began fiddling with it.

"Speaking of my father, though," Mito slowly began while trying to find a decent station. She put down a privacy seal just in case Ibiki or Inoichi had the place rigged to listen. "Uhh… First off, um…" Anko whacked her, telling her to get on with it, making Mito scowl at her. "Sorry. I was just… wondering what you thought of me encouraging my father to date again?" Mito had been thinking about it for a while but now that the words were out of her mouth, she couldn't even look up. Shame was filling her heart.

Anko's mouth fell open. Whatever she expected Mito to say hadn't been that!

"I mean," Mito continued, chewing on her lip. "Am I being a traitor to my mother to want him to be happy again? It's been a long time…" So long.

God, I miss Mom. I wish she were here to kick my ass (or more like scold me senseless) for even thinking about encouraging such a thing.

"And you want him off your back," Anko knew.

Mito's scowl returned for a heartbeat before she dropped her face into her hands. "Yes. But that's not why. I just… I don't know how Mom OR Naruto would feel about him finding someone - even if it was just someone that he could regularly have dinner with sometimes, ya know? Or attend things with. I know he has his work and friends, but I… I just worry about him being lonely." Momo worried about him, too, especially now that she had a second job and was dating again.

Mito had friends and work - yet she managed to be lonely. And it's not the kind of loneliness a father can fill.

Plus Tou-san's a pain.

Anko sighed. "Meh, he's busy. I wouldn't worry about it." Mito groaned and seemed to deflate in her seat. "What do you want me to say? I never had parents, Mito; I don't… I don't know."

"Yeah… I'm sorry." Anko was not the person for Mito to talk about this with but she did - because she was her best friend! Now she felt bad for bringing it up but whenever something like this came up between them, it made Mito think about just how damn lucky she was to have been born to parents who loved her and were able or allowed to keep her. "Um, on another father-slash-Hokage-related topic, have you ever noticed that our beloved Hokage is not exactly loved in the Red Light District?"

Anko shrugged but was glad Mito shifted topics. She was good with stuff like that. "Hadn't thought about it. I mean, not everyone's gonna love a dictator - even if he's a nice, handsome dictator. No offense!"

"None taken," Mito assured her with a great sigh, rubbing her neck. "A lot of that area's terribly neglected, though, don't you think?" The Red Light District was tucked into a corner of Konoha that bled out into the mountains surrounding the village. "Or more could be done there, anyway."

"It's where the Yakuza prowls," Anko answered. "So they're getting a cut of business which - who knows. Maybe people there can't pay their taxes or something so they don't get services –I don't know."

"Why the HELL is a ninja village allowing the Yakuza to operate at all?"

"Mito," Anko said a little tersely, beginning to grind her teeth. She figured Mito - of all people - would be really sensitive about this and didn't want to piss her off but GAH. "The village is still 'all hands on deck.' You know that right?" Mito nodded but didn't look like she really got it. "Do you know how many ninjas died or were permanently disabled in the Nine-Tails attack? THOUSANDS, Mito! I mean, some of those numbers were ninjas who had already retired from the field or whatever but still. And after the Uchiha thing, the police force has been pieced back together and they've even hired civilians - but we are nowhere near fully staffed." Her division was especially low on power. PLUS Konoha just keeps growing! "And then we lost even more field-ready ninja numbers when Orochimaru attacked and that Sand jinchuuriki lost it. –And the other Suna ninjas did their thing." At least Konoha wasn't anywhere NEAR as bad off as Suna currently was.

Mito dropped her head back, afraid to look in on Kurama who had woken up and was listening in. She could feel him. She knew he honestly didn't care and Mito was ambivalent in how she felt about that, even though the attacks pissed her off and she deeply mourned the loss of life. It's Obito's fault; not his.

"…"

It's the first Mito and Hashirama's fault for caging a tailed beast, to begin with!
Now, after all these years (and maybe always,) Mito found that she could not blame Kurama for his fury at what humanity and Konoha, in particular, had done to him and his siblings.

I'd fucking kill everyone who even tried to take or do anything to Naruto, Asuma, or Hideki. Or Tou-san or Momo. Or Anko, Shizune, and Shishou. And Kakashi, and Kurenai or…

"Mito-chaaaaaaaan," Anko called, getting her attention by bumping Mito's nose with the box she'd had on her lap. "Earth to Mito!"

"Knock it off, Anko! I was brooding and plotting terrible, terrible things."

"So the norm, then." Anko dropped the box on her lap with a sassy smirk. "Open it! It'll make ya feel better."

Mito grumbled but did, her eyes widening in surprise as she pulled out what honest to God looked like part of a pirate outfit. "Get the fuck outta here!"

"Okay, but ya gotta try it on." The Snake Mistress got up as a joke. "Lemme know how it goes, I guess."

Mito beamed at her, jumping up and first holding the tiny black skirt over her hips. "Don't leave!" Her face fell, however, as she imagined what the cute little thing would look like on her rather than how it looked in her hands. "Holy shit. My superpowered, supersize ass will never fit in this thing." Building a wardrobe as a seriously strong badass was a bitch.

"Yes, It Will. I put all this together keeping in mind that I needed to find something that would look good and fit over your giant glutes." Mito hummed, obviously thinking it over. "Keep digging through there; there's a ban-dan-ahhhhh and some other stuff! Oh! I was gonna tell you that I tried everything on, remembering how your clothes fit me the last time we exchanged outfits. –I looked cute as fuck!"

Mito believed Anko wholeheartedly - about how ANKO had looked in these pieces, anyway. "I guess we can see." She pulled out a set of fishnet stockings and gave Anko a look. "This is more YOU than me."

"I know they don't feel like it, but they're shinobi grade," Anko replied with a smirk. And yes, fishnet and/or mesh WERE very her. Mito hummed and looked like she was wiggling the mesh back and forth, trying to work up to ripping them. She's so damn destructive! "OI! Don't do that, ya Amazonian Freak! YOU could tear through them but average things won't."

"Things," Mito parrotted, lamenting for another second that she was, as Sai now called her behind her back, a She-Hulk.

"Put it on! ...And saay," Anko then drawled excitedly. "Try it on and keep wearing the rest tonight - without the funny jacket and stuff. You'll look hot as fuck in all that black and get that Scarecrow into your Flowering, Fertile Fields, IF ya catch my drift."

"Oh, God," Mito whined in a drawl. Yeah, she knew what Anko meant. "Please never say that again!" Anko led her to an offset bunch of little closets that each had a bright light and a mirror. "Thanks for this Anko." The outfits DiD look a lot like the kunoichi pirates' style that she'd seen in Kiri. "Let's see how it all fits."

"Then we can blow off Inoichi and go party!"

"Nah, I need to get it over with, I guess." Mito jumped around as she worked at pulling her boot off. "Cover me with him, though, ne?"

Anko sweatdropped. "Honestly, Mito, Inoichi is REALLY not that scary."

"Cover me with him and I'll buy you a drink?"

"Make it two and you've got yourself a deal!"

.

"So what did he say?" Anko asked an hour later as they walked back to the unnamed bar on 8th. She abandoned Mito when Inoichi said he needed to speak with her best friend in private. Mito had looked so nervous at being alone with the (when off-duty, warm, kind family) man that it had made her laugh.

"I can't say," Mito told her. She had mentioned to Tsunade once (just once, she thought ) that maybe she or someone should check out the barriers that hid and shielded the Elemental Nations. The big-mouthed medic (probably when she was drunk) mentioned it to someone else (probably Shizune who was one of the biggest gossips in the village and may have also been drunk,) and word had made its way through to someone important in the ranks.

Either that or maybe Mito mentioned it to someone while drunk.

For now it was easier to blame someone else.

One way or another, her mission had been amended and although she was still soon(ish) headed out with the pirates, she was also supposed to hop off ship in the middle of the fucking Eastern Sea/"Indian Ocean" to FIND and check the barrier out. And she had agreed to it! Damn those Yamanakas!

Somehow, Mito had understood the rationale for it at the time (and truly, she still did) and had even been EXCITED about doing it because she was an idiot. Me wanting to do this was definitely a Yamanaka trick, Mito internally monologued, lying to herself. I'm sure he warped my mind. Anko waved her hand in front of her face, making Mito sigh. "I can only say that I'll be gone longer than I thought."

"Huh," Anko voiced, cocking her head and smacking Mito's hand away from the hem of her very short black culotte. "Stop that! Honestly, be a kunoichi, Mito; it looks awesome on ya! Be CONFIDENT - or act like it."

Mito pouted and pulled her skirt down again - or tried to. There were a few inches of only LEGS showing between the skirt-thing and her fishnet stockings. What if her legs looked fat? More importantly, what if her butt fell out?

"Stop thinkin' about your ass!"

"Sorry," Mito mumbled - her face heating up because she was so obvious. "Heyyyyyyyy," Mito drawled, wide-eyed and coming to a standstill a few seconds later. She quickly pulled Anko behind a dumpster, ducking down and observing her three normally adorable students checking out a tattoo parlor she'd never been in. Mito sighed and dropped her head. "Why is my tiny team on this side of town?"

"Let's go ask!"

"No, wait! –ANKO!" Mito chased after her best friend who was running toward her students, laughing and snorting. Did she not remember how they were dressed?!

"YO, brats!" Anko smiled brightly. "Whatcha doin' on this side of the tracks?"

"Eeep!"

Kiba turned around and grinned broadly at both kunoichis, Akamaru wagging his tail right beside him. He looked Anko up and down first, smiling appreciatively and guessing that Hana was telling the truth about what kunoichis around their age wore when they went out. The senseis were older so he'd still give his sister a hard time: she needed to cover up more when she left the house. "We're gettin' tattoos!"

"Kiba," Shino scolded. "This is a secret."

"I like secrets," Anko said, dropping a hand down on the Aburame kid's shoulder and then hoping she didn't squish any of his kikachu. "How's it goin,' Cute And Buggy?"

"SEN-sei," KIba had gasped as soon as he saw Mito behind the Snake Mistress, shocked. He pointed at Mito's clothes, trying not to laugh when Mito-sensei tried to cover her - well, her everything, he guessed. "Who knew you were hidin' so much smokin' hotness!"

Hinata slapped him. "KIBA!"

"Sorry, sorry," Kiba smiled. "Just saying. –But seriously! Where do you normally put your uh…" He slapped his hands broadly over where his nipples were a couple of times.

"KIBA!" Hinata swatted him harder.

"In a seal sometimes," Mito shrugged as if that were normal.

"You put your boobs in a seal?!" Boys both cried, gaping, as one - although Shino flushed under his jacket after the words came out of his mouth. Giving up, Hinata hit them both hard.

"You look very strong and beautiful, s-sensei," Hinata chirped afterward - despite how uncomfortable she felt about putting body parts in what she guessed was a dimensional space or storage seal. "D- don't mind them."

Mito sighed miserably although Hinata's compliment had made her flush. She was such a sweet girl and would say nearly anything to make people comfortable. "Thank you, Hinata. NOW. What kind of tattoos are you getting - and more importantly, how are you going to hide them from your parents?"

"This is why I love sensei," Kiba grinned.

"Indeed - and we could hide them virtually anywhere," Shino said, gesturing broadly and making both older kunoichis snort. Team 8 really covered their bodies a LOT. One could barely see any part of Shino, even in civilian clothes. "Other than our faces."

"Ya still can't see most of your face," Anko said.

"Please don't convince my students to get face tattoos, Anko," Mito sighed. She threw a sideways grin at Hinata who was shuffling around looking especially awkward. "Hinata? Is there something you'd like to say?"

"Ano… I was going to ask you if you'd hide m-my tattoo in a seal, sensei? So th- that Father doesn't see?" Mito was already shaking her head at her, looking unimpressed but Hinata had a reason to suggest that first. "O- or, OR, if you'd help me hide it as p- part of a seal?" she asked ever-so-hopefully, holding her hands gently over her heart.

Hinata did not smirk as her sensei turned to goo as she always did when she made that gesture.

"I - I guess you could use a seal to keep your kunais in," Mito thought out loud. "...I guess I can work your uh… tattoo into somethin' like that."

"Yatta!" the kids and Anko cheered while Mito slumped, feeling manipulated. "We're getting a badass, stylized figure eight," Kiba added. "For Team 8!"

Mito's mouth fell open. She glared at them and set her fists on her hips, outraged. "Why, you little brats! What about me?! –I'm gonna make you run laps for leaving me out!"

"No, no! It- it was a surprise: w- we were going to tell you a- and ask you to get one, too," Hinata lied urgently. They just hadn't thought Sensei would want one. How terrible. Hinata felt so guilty. Wherever will she put it, though? Mito-sensei had seals or "cat tracks" all over her. Well, probably all over. Normally Sensei was conservatively dressed. Not today; gosh.

Mito pouted. "Okay," she said lamely. "C'mere." She jerked her head to get her team to follow her away from a tattoo parlor that she already recognized was not exactly using sterile practices. Once they were away, she told them about the first tattoo parlor she'd seen in Konoha and the kids were eager to check it out.

"Oh, sensei," Kiba mentioned excitedly as they all agreed to part. (Mito was going to bust someone's balls about the gross practices she saw in the other joint.) "I almost forgot to tell ya. Our last mission was with Naruto!"

"WHAT?!" In disbelief, Mito looked to her other students for verification. Shino looked like he always did and Hinata was quickly turning into a human tomato so she guessed it was true. "Tell me everything."

.

Noticing a sharp intake of breath from her former captain sitting beside her, Yugao looked up and jumped out of the booth, shoving Hayate out of the way with her hip when she saw Anko and Mito wander into the bar. Mito was scowling and Anko was rolling her eyes - like they so often are - and she was eager to push Mito and Kakashi together, physically. "Hey, Anko-chan, Mito-chan! I was saving you a seat!"

"Thanks a lot," Hayate muttered. His beloved had nearly knocked him flying. He watched with amusement, however, when a chirpy Anko tried to slide in on the other side of where Yugao was, next to Kakashi (as a joke,) and his excitable fiance dragged her ass back out, shoving Mito in next to Kakashi and manhandling Anko so that she was sitting across from them. The Copy Ninja had begun putting off the energy of an eager puppy when the two walked in - Hayate could imagine a tail wagging behind him - until the shinobi calmed his chakra, pushing his book up to cover nearly everything but his hair as Mito fell on top of him.

"Oof! –Sorry."

"Hime-sama," Kakashi drawled as his secret and horrible romantic interest was shoved almost into his lap. He'd have to speak with Yugao about trying harder next time. Not.

"What the hell are you wearing?" Asuma asked from the other side of the table, ruining everything. Kurenai lightly smacked him.

"You look great, Mito. That's an edgy look but I like it!"

"THANK you, Kurenai," Mito said and then stuck her tongue out at Asuma. "Do I look like a pirate?"

"Maybe if you put on Kakashi's hitai-ate. And get a big hat with a poofy thing in it," Asuma advised goofily, swirling his drink around in his hand. He'd already had a few (plus a LOT of competitive shots when they first got here.) The drinks at this dive were cheap and strong, just like he liked them. And Happy Hour meant free snacks! –Or at least they'd continue to offer free Happy Hour snacks until Mito got her hands on those eggrolls, probably. "Plus, to be a pirate, you need a sword or something. Or 'Ruto-chan!" Mito perked up, making him laugh at himself. "A peg leg would knock the look right out of the park, Mi. Want me to cut off your leg?"

Grinning, Mito huffed playfully and shook her head. Asuma was so full of crap. "I was talking about a real pirate."

"Maa, I've seen pirates with wooden legs."

Mito looked at the man she was now shoved against, knowing that Kakashi of all people would agree with her latest outrage and smacked her hands down on the table, ready to tell him about it. Fortunately, she raised her hands enough beforehand so that everyone was able to pick up their drinks since the table went smashing into bits. "OH, I'M SO SORRY! –But Kakashi! You won't guess what I just heard!" Kakashi tilted his head toward her, looking cute and interested while Anko told their server that Mito was the Hokage's "pain-in-the-ass daughter" for some reason. "MY TEAM went out on a mission with Naruto! MY brother!"

Kakashi snorted. He was aware of their relationship; she didn't need to tell him or anyone. "Aaaand?"

"And I wasn't there! SHINO was in charge!"

"Bet Naruto loved that," Kakashi said under his breath. "Anything else?"

"Yes! They ran into some Iwa nins!"

"Oh, fuck," Kakashi breathed, his gray eye going wide. He sat up straight. Naruto was a mini-Minato and Iwa HATED Minato. "Where were they? Did they get out okay?"

"Yes," Mito drawled suspiciously about the whole thing. And what was Kakashi thinking? If they hadn't gotten out okay she certainly wouldn't be sitting here. "The kids were just past the Hi no Kuni border - and the Iwa nins left them alone! –Didn't look at Naruto twice, Shino said." What the hell was that about? Were they taking intel on Naruto back to the Old Fencesitter, Onoki? She'd kick the Tsuchikage's ass if he bothered her brother.

Kakashi fell back against his seat, relieved but not understanding why Mito was so worked up then. He picked up his feet as their server angrily swept up the mess Mito made. "Maa. That's good, though, right? That they're okay?"

"Yes, but I should've been there! I mean, it's MY team - plus my cute little brother. And what the hell's with Jiraiya doing, sending Naru out on a mission with my kawaii Genins and Shino?" she added. Shino was also cute but already a Chunin.

"Maa, as a Genin or any field-ready Konoha nin, Naruto has to do a minimum number of missions each year."

Mito slowly blinked at him. "I didn't know that." That couldn't be right. She didn't have a mission for years before Asuma showed up to join her at the Fire Temple. "But wait! It's DANGEROUS for him to be out there without Jiraiya." She pouted, crossing her arms distractingly under her breasts. "I should be guarding him."

Mito blinked as she looked around, realizing that everyone else had left for the bar while she was complaining. "Um. Did I miss something?" Oh man, Kakashi's arm was around her again: this time he'd put it over her almost bare shoulders. Why the hell am I so nervous? It's just Kakashi. "Wh- what are you doing?" she asked in a breathy whisper.

Kakashi's visible eye became somehow even more hooded. "Comforting you - um, because you're upset about Naruto."

"Oh! Well, um… thank you."

"You're very welcome," Kakashi replied in his low, smooth baritone. "Maa, I'm sure Sensei knows about Naruto's mission, and Shino reported the Iwa thing, right?" Mito nodded, almost looking upset that he was reasonable about it.

Kakashi went back to his book, leaving his arm around her. He was surprised at his arm's actions but Mito, he thought, was clueless so it shouldn't be a problem. Kakashi hadn't planned this but found himself inexplicably wanting to touch her all the time lately. –Not that Mito wasn't a beautiful woman that anyone in their right mind would want to touch; it just wasn't normally like him to yearn for that kind of almost casual (yet significant) skin-to-skin contact. Mito snuggled closer to him as another table was pushed in front of them, making him internally preen. He side-eyed her, realizing that she had begun reading his book. He turned it toward her more without thought, looking up when Anko brought over a large neon-green drink.

Anko smirked at the scarecrow as she left the drink. Famous Boy had slightly pink cheeks peeking out from behind his mask and his one visible ear was almost red.

Kakashi cleared his throat as she sauntered off again. "So, hime-sama. Why were you asking if you looked like a pirate earlier?"

Mito blinked up at him although her bluish-violet eyes had gone wide at how strong the drink she began sipping was. She also couldn't believe that Anko had willingly bought her a drink. Maybe her best friend had started a tab that she planned to stick her with. "Do you think I look like one? And please don't say anything about it, IF ya know what I mean." She couldn't believe she'd all but announced the pirate thing although if word got back to her father she doubted he could do much at this point. But you should never doubt the Flashing Yellow Cock And Mission Blocker, Mito, she reminded herself.

Kakashi shrugged and deftly turned a page with his thumb, spreading the book back out with his long fingers. "Y- you look beautiful." He enjoyed the hot blush he got for that despite his embarrassing stutter, which only deepened when he began dragging his fingertips up and down her soft skin. "Lots of skin." Her corset top reminded him a little of their date months back when she'd been wearing that incredible, completely strapless dress.

"I know; it's um… Thank you," Mito finally whispered, sucking down her drink like a pig. She was still nervous, turned on, and didn't know how to address the "lots of skin" comment. Anko had talked her into "going skimpy" tonight since she'd be surrounded by friends and needed to get used to wearing this kind of clothing before her mission. She felt eyes on her and looked up to see Asuma glaring at them while Kurenai urgently whispered in his ear. She mouthed "fuck off" at him. Fortunately, Asuma was a good brother and did exactly that, although he looked salty about it. "Soooo. Want to taste my drink?"

Mito smiled in surprise when she saw Kakashi make a hidden hand seal as he reached up to his mask. It genjutsu-ed his face. Appearing as if he were sucking her straw through his mask, Mito chuckled and looked slightly away as he continued to stare into her eyes. The way he was looking at her made her breath hitch and her body ache. "One of these days, I'm going to see that face while it's conscious," she wished softly.

Kakashi hummed, swallowing hard and grimacing. "Your drink is terrible." Mito snickered, her smile bright, and nodded in agreement - but went back to drinking the overly sweet thing. "Maa, there are certain conditions to be met for seeing my face. –Aside from lack of consciousness or physical incapacitation."

Mito grinned more. "Like what?"

"That is an S-classed secret."

Kakashi could be so silly. "I see. Will you fill me in on that secret later?"

"Perhaps." Kakashi went back to his book, still stroking Mito's skin. It was good that he'd switched to beer because he'd raced through too many tequila shots with Hayate and Asuma earlier. He'd pay for it tomorrow, no doubt. It was already difficult to focus on the words in his book.

He blamed Mito rather than intoxication.

"Hm. –Physical incapacitation, eh?" Mito asked herself. That was the last part of what he said. "Maybe that means you're looking to be… chained up or something?" She laughed, enjoying the way Kakashi coughed so hard he spewed beer down his mask, and patted his back. She finished her gross drink and flagged down a server. Sure enough, Anko had told the bartender that "Konoha's Half-Naked Princess" was buying everyone tables and drinks tonight. She cleared that BS up right away and ordered the first of many double vodka sodas, extra lime.

She also offered to buy Kakashi something more interesting. "What book is that?" It certainly wasn't Icha-Icha Paradise although his book was sporting the Paradise cover.

"Soul of the Dead. It's about a dupable demon named Soul that… Maa, let's just say he gets into some interesting situations." He hunts his missing mate, a succubus who is known to henge. Additionally, women and men (and other "beings") are attracted to his dumb ass and will henge to fool him into thinking they're his girl. Kakashi was too embarrassed to say any of that, though. Honestly, it was a terrible book that made him laugh more than anything. He closed it.

"May I borrow it when you're done?"

"Absolutely not."

"Aww," Mito pouted, smiling at him. "So, Kakashi. Whaddya say we move all the tables and dance?"

"That's a horrible idea."

"Aww," she pouted again. "You're no fun..."

Early the Next Morning after NOT Getting Laid Again -

Anko and Mito were so hung over (or still wasted) the next morning, that Mito accidentally flashed them into an unknown wall. She'd meant to flash them to Naruto so that they could speak to Jiraiya about the sage thing and scare the bejeezus out of her little brother as a bonus. That was always fun. "Oh, God. My head!"

This is why other bars closed at 0200, huh?

"Asshole," Anko called her from where she was laid out. "What did you do?!" Anko gagged and rolled over, proceeding to hurl more at a bush than behind it.

"I'm not sure." Mito looked around and reached out her senses as she got back up, staggering and sighing. "Well, the good news is that we're still in the same dimension or world or whatever. I think."

"You THINK?! Ah - Fuck seals, Mito," Anko cried, holding her pounding head. Mito was sure she didn't mean it. How could she?! "Straight up FUCK seals and your flashing!"

"Now, now…"

"No, I mean it," Anko said, hands waving in surrender before holding her arms over her gut again. "Gwaaaahngh. Where are we?"

"About 22 clicks from where I intended us to be, I think." Mito looked around, guessing that her father must have put a Hiraishin tag here although she couldn't see or even feel it. Maybe another landmark had been here before or… "Hmm. That's weird."

"Let's just walk 'til we can tree-hop," Anko muttered miserably. Mito reluctantly agreed and they were off. "So what happened with you and the Cyclops last night? I saw you two leave together." She'd also suffered through listening to the two not-yet-lovebirds discuss macro and micronutrients, plus protein powder, and reps versus sets so thoroughly she wanted to choke them.

Mito scoffed. "He was walking me home - badly - and we ran into my father." Anko snorted and began laughing, realizing how thoroughly she was still drunk.

"Did he know you were wasted?"

Mito shrugged her shoulders. "He should've but I don't think so?" Her father hadn't even noticed what she was wearing. "Tou-san was out when we happened to be walking by, believe it or not, drinking with Shikaku so he was… at least tipsy," she sighed. Her father was an absolute goof when he drank and had begun to cry when he thought Mito was helping a very smashed Kakashi who had walked her into a bush make it home.

"'S -so good you've taken my lessons to heart about always looking out for a comrade, my sweet girl! –I'll take it from here!"

"He insisted on seeing Kakashi home, himself, and taking care of him because Kakashi was so bad off. Tou-san thought I was carrying him," she pouted and then let out a huff of laughter. No, Tou-san; Kakashi's arm was (possessively?) around me and I was trying to get Kakashi into MY home to get some action, Mito thought - although that was Wrong. She shouldn't/wouldn't want to take advantage of Kakashi. – Too much. Although last night I sure had thought about it. BAD GIRL! "Tou-san left me with a shadow clone. I hid it but GOD I was pissed!" Anko was laughing much too hard at her for it to be real. "What about you? Did you have any luck convincing Yugao and Hayate to become lesbians?"

Anko had forgotten about that. "Actually yes."

Mito stopped and then fell forward, snickering. For no other reason, they both laughed and laughed and LAUGHED before Mito thought it would be hilarious to grab Anko and flash them to where Naruto really was, no warning.

Instead, they dropped on a sleeping, naked Jiraiya and an equally naked pretty Akimichi lady who shrieked and pulled a kunai. "I'm -GAH! I'm - Oh, God - I'm SORRY, Ero-oji. OH! And sorry, ma'am; I'm SO sorry."

"What the FUCK brat?!" Anko coughed up bile next to his bedroll making Jiraiya want to reverse summon both girls into a toad stomach and leave them there to be digested. "Ugh. Are you alright, Anko?" Riding Hiraishin, shotgun, did the same thing to him: it was sickening.

"I'm sorry, too, and I- I totally blame HER," Anko groaned and pointed at Mito, averting her eyes from two REALLY big people's nakedness. Wow.

"Sorry," a red-faced Mito mumbled again, staring at the floor as she hunched in on herself. Unless it was for an incredibly strange but profoundly necessary medical procedure, Mito never needed to see so much of Jiraiya's ass-up old man balls, thank you very much. What a place to land! "I uhh, thought you were Naruto."

Jiraiya - who had quickly covered both himself and his lady friend - took a good look at both girls. "You two are DRUNK. Mito-chan! What were you thinking?! –For Kami's sake! Don't. Use. The. Flying. Thunder. God. When. Drunk, young lady! Who knows what could've happened!"

"Hmmmmm; we'll see. Anko wants to talk to you about something." Mito grabbed Anko's arm and helped her stand. "Where's Naruto?"

"Probably with Sora," Jiraiya shrugged as if it was okay that he didn't quite know. "Sora wanted to visit some of his old friends and introduce Naruto, and I needed to meet with the Daimyo." Mito was paling rapidly as she finally really looked at the walls of the small room she'd landed in.

Oh fuck, there's Hermit Chakra here! Mito could feel it!

Jiraiya didn't notice (or possibly, he simply didn't care) that she was freaking out. "Anyway, the old man couldn't see me until last night so he let us stay over."

"Where," Mito began, panicking and feeling REALLY sick. "Where are we?" Oh, she now knew where they were but how she flashed herself HERE was still a mystery to her alcohol-soaked brain. Please let me be wrong!

"You can't be serious," Jiraiya said, fists on his thankfully covered hips. God, he was a giant of a man, Mito drunkenly thought - as if she hadn't known that her whole life. "We're at the Fire Temple."

"Oh, God! Not the Fire Temple," Mito moaned.

Chiriku was here!

Chiriku was here?

Oh God: she sensed him. Chiriku WAS here! She was somewhere Chiriku was? Noooo! How could her flashing be so off? The drunk Jonin pouted terribly and let out a long, low whine. Jiraiya rolled his eyes so hard she bet he could see his brain before re-tucking his blankets all around himself so that he could escort them out of the room. "I truly am sorry to intrude, Jiraiya… Ma'am."

"I should tell your father." Jiraiya only smirked when Mito so openly glared at him; swinging her hair around like that, she looked just like her mother when Kushina was really pissed. Normally Mito would blank her expression (and look like her father when he was ready to flash through his enemies) if she was ready to truly lay hands, though. "Go somewhere else. I'll be out in an hour or so."

"Give him 15 minutes, tops," the sassy Akimichi woman called, making Anko snicker as she staggered.

"That is not true and you know it!" Jiraiya yelled. "For fuck's sake, 'Achi-chan, I've got a reputation to uphold," he said to her as he shut Anko and Mito out.

"Now what?" Anko asked. She frowned. Mito was holding her chest. "Why ya tryin' to make your big ass so small? —Figuratively. And, uh, literally, too."

"It's nothing," Mito tried to promise. "No reason. Let's just… talk to Jiraiya about what you should do with your snakey friends and get the fuck out of here." She stood up and make a hand seal, recirculating her chakra the way Tsunade talked about, forcing it through her tenketsu before reversing it, concentrating on the chakra pathways around her digestive system and liver.

"You don't want to go see Naruto and Sora?" Anko asked. Still wasted or not, she knew that wasn't like Mito at all.

"Let's just sit here and wait."

Both kunoichis got up and wandered away only minutes later, though, when they heard sounds of loud sex coming from Jiraiya's room. "I can't believe him!"

"Let's find your brother," Anko said, strolling off. Something was going on here and she was going to find out what it was.