His eyes were searching as soon as he woke up. But he couldn't see her.
He saw Katniss and Beetee, both lying unconscious. Katniss being held down by metal cuffs.
Finnick sat up immediately, hoping there were other beds around, but he couldn't see any.
He couldn't see Taiya, or Johanna, or Peeta.
He couldn't see her.
The pain began to ripple through him, a pain no painkiller could help. It started in his heart and spread to his toes as his breath caught in his lungs.
She wasn't here.
Finnick looked down to see a bandage wrapped around his arm and thigh. They'd patched up the slice Taiya had made in his arm as well as where Enobaria had stabbed him.
That's when a thought dawned on him.
When Taiya left the arena the last time, she was notoriously violent. Perhaps they were keeping her separate from Katniss? Either as a punishment for trying to kill her earlier, or to keep everyone safe from her violent manic episodes.
Maybe she was on this hovercraft after all. And this ray of hope helped Finnick lift himself off the table and onto his feet. He had to find out for himself.
He could hear voices behind the first door he came across and pressed the open button, allowing the door to quickly swing open revealing Haymitch and Plutarch inside.
"Hey Peacock," Haymitch smiled softly. "You're looking much prettier today."
"You can thank Plutarch for that," Finnick snarked as he limped into the room. "You know I was asked to kill you for that right? Tay is going to have your head for the fog," he warned Plutarch. "Where about's is she? Is she ok?"
That's when Plutarch and Haymitch exchanged a look. And that look was everything Finnick needed to know for his heart to plummet into his stomach. She wasn't here.
"Finnick…" Haymitch started towards him but Finnick stumbled back.
"Where is she?" he choked out.
"Her tracker was still in," Plutarch answered when Haymitch refused to. "There was no time. She's in the Capitol. They got her, Peeta and Johanna."
"No," Finnick breathed, his legs giving out, leaving him to clasp onto the edge of the table for support. "You left her there?"
"You need to eat," Plutarch gestured towards a plate of food at the end of the table. "Eat and then I'll answer your questions."
Finnick didn't even have the energy to argue. He raced towards the end of the table and shoved some bread into his mouth before looking up at Plutarch expectantly. He wanted answers and he wanted them now.
"Taiya still had her tracker in. She and Peeta were attacked by Brutus and it pushed them outside of the recovery zone. They were too far away to get to. I'm sorry Finnick."
"She can't be in the Capitol," Finnick shook his head frantically. "She's terrified of it. I promised her, I promised her she wouldn't end up back there. She didn't want to do this in the first place. You have to go back for her. Go back!"
"Finnick, we can't," Haymitch sighed.
"We can't let any of you back near the Capitol," Plutarch explained. "There's a victor's purge. The districts are rebelling. Any victors from the rebelling districts are being rounded up. You can't go back."
"Oh my god! They're going to kill her!" Finnick's eyes widened.
"They won't kill her," Plutarch shook his head. "Snow likes her. She's valuable. An asset. She'll be live."
"You don't know that," Finnick dropped his head into his hands.
"Tyler and Buck are here," Haymitch told him. "They're sedated at the moment. Tyler went after Katniss when we said we couldn't go back for Tay."
"Tyler and Buck are here?" Finnick looked up.
"Yeah," Haymitch nodded.
"What about Mags and Annie? And Todd?" he enquired after the other victors.
"We don't know about them," Plutarch confessed.
"He'll kill them too," Finnick groaned as he rocked back and forth. "He'll kill her."
"No, he won't," Haymitch tried to promise.
"He will. She's too headstrong, he hates it. He'll kill her."
"She's a smart girl Finnick. She'll make her way through it," Haymitch tapped his shoulder. "How's it looking in the other Districts?"
"Communications are down in Seven, Ten and Twelve," Plutarch answered. "But Eleven has control of transportation now, so there's at least a hope of them getting some food out."
"What about District 4?" Finnick looked up.
"They're fighting."
"Please. We have to go back for Mags and Annie too. They're too vulnerable. Please," Finnick pleaded.
"No, I'm sorry. There's no way I can get you to Four. But I've given special orders for their retrieval if possible. It's the best I can do, Finnick."
"You've left me with nothing," Finnick hoarsely whispered. He'd heard enough secrets to know exactly what happened to political prisoners in the Capitol. "He'll destroy her. There'll be nothing left. He'll kill the woman I love," Finnick sobbed. "I can't be alive for that. I can't see that, I can't do it."
"Don't be stupid!" Haymitch lectured. "That's the worst thing you could do. Get her killed for sure. As long as you're alive, they'll keep her alive for bait."
"Do you know what they do to bait in the Capitol!" Finnick yelled back when the door to the room opened, revealing Katniss standing there.
"Done knocking yourself out, sweetheart?" Haymitch asked her, his voice dripping with annoyance. She immediately marched forward towards him and Haymitch snatched her wrist up in the air. "So it's you and a syringe against the Capitol? See, this is why no one lets you make the plans. Drop it," he instructed before he forced the girl's hand open and took the syringe from her and marched her to sit in the chair beside Finnick.
"Eat," Plutarch instructed kindly, his tone much softer with Katniss than it had been with Finnick.
"Katniss," Haymitch sighed as he took a seat opposite the other two victors. "I'm going to explain what happened. I don't want you to ask any questions until I'm through. Do you understand?"
All it took was a nod and Haymitch was away. He told her everything. Everything from how the plan formed from the moment the Quell was announced, to the victors who were in on the plan. He told her how Capitol man, Plutarch Heavensbee had been, for several years, part of an undercover group aiming to overthrow the Capitol. He made sure Beetee would know the arena before he even set foot in it, he made sure there was wire in the arena to blow a hole in the forcefield. Haymitch explained the bread code they had used to communicate with the victors, explaining Finnick's intense fascination with the daily bread delivery.
The District the bread originated from signalled the day of rescue, and the number of rolls the hour. Day Three, hour twenty-four.
And then he explained that they were all headed to District Thirteen to join the rebellion.
"You didn't tell me," Katniss rasped in betrayal.
"Neither you nor Peeta was told. We couldn't risk it," Plutarch explained. "I was even worried you might mention my indiscretion with the watch during the Games," Plutarch pulled out a pocket watch that had the mockingjay displayed on the face. "Of course, when I showed you this, I was merely tipping you off about the arena. As a mentor. I thought it might be a first step toward gaining your trust. I never dreamed you'd be a tribute again."
"I still don't understand why Peeta and I weren't let in on the plan."
"Because once the force field blew, you'd be the first ones they'd try to capture, and the less you knew, the better."
"The first ones? Why?" Katniss asked, not following the reasoning.
"For the same reason the rest of us agreed to die to keep you alive," Finnick finally looked up. "Well most of us," he muttered before looking down again.
"No, Taiya and Johanna tried to kill me," Katniss shook her head, the pain still radiating through her temple from where Taiya had smacked her. It didn't escape her notice how Finnick flinched when the girl's name was mentioned.
"Taiya and Johanna knocked you out to cut the tracker from your arm and lead Brutus and Enobaria away from you," Haymitch denied. "The water thing on the other hand…" Haymitch trailed off with a shrug.
"What water thing?" Katniss frowned in confusion.
"Don't worry about it, sweetheart."
"We had to save you because you're the mockingjay Katniss," Plutarch said. "While you live, the revolution lives."
"Peeta…" Katniss whispered.
"The others kept Peeta alive because if he died, we knew there'd be no keeping you in an alliance. We couldn't risk leaving you unprotected," Haymitch said emotionlessly. Only those that knew him well could sense the sadness behind his words. He was fond of the boy.
"Where is Peeta?" Katniss hissed, hands slamming on the table.
"He was picked up by the Capitol along with Johanna, Enobaria and Taiya," Haymitch said, his gaze glancing quickly at Finnick before looking at the floor.
If there's one thing you should never underestimate, it's the damage fingernails can cause. Haymitch learnt this as Katniss lunged across the table and raked her nails down Haymitch's face, drawing blood. That's when the screaming started. Both Katniss and Haymitch were screaming insults at each other as Finnick wrapped his arms around Katniss and tried to drag her out.
When other guards arrived to help Finnick, he relinquished his hold on her and collapsed into the chair beside the table she was being restrained against.
The guards had to inject her with a sedative to stop her from hurting herself with her wild thrashings. And all she could do was wail and all Finnick could do was watch with tears running down his face.
"Katniss," Finnick reached forward to take her hand. "Katniss. I'm sorry. I wanted to go back for them. Go back for Taiya. But I couldn't move. I lost her. I should've stopped her, I shouldn't have let her run after him," he choked. "She never wanted to do this in the first place. I should've listened," he took a rattled breath. "It's better for him than Taiya. They'll figure out he doesn't know anything pretty fast. And they won't kill him if they think they can use him against you."
"Like bait?" Katniss mumbles. "Like how they'll use Taiya for bait, Finnick?"
Finnick couldn't contain the weeping sobs that wracked through him. "I wish she was dead," he sobbed, only half meaning his words. As much as he wanted to save her the pain of the Capitol, he selfishly could never bare the thought of her not existing. "They know her and her weaknesses too well. They'll exploit them. They'll destroy her. I wish they were all dead and we were, too. It would be best."
What happened to the teenager who won the Games at 14? The victor who swore he was going to go home and get the girl he'd been crushing on for years. The one who finally got his dream girl?
He was sitting here now a shell of his former self. What did it matter now?
He'd joined the rebellion to help him and his fiancée gain a peaceful future. A future in which they could be happy, married and have a family together. It was both of their dreams.
Instead here he was, sitting alone, his fiancée having been taken by the Capitol and imprisoned in a world she was always right to fear.
Now when he closed his eyes he couldn't see the blissful blackness of sleep, all he saw was misery and the destruction of everything he'd ever wanted.
And now we're done with Catching Fire!