Capable
I'd been upstairs when Bella's phone vibrated against the bench.
Hearing Bella groan along with it.
She rose from the couch lazily and made her way into the kitchen. Her steps halted when I appeared in front of her.
My hand covering the phone from sight.
She laughed awkwardly, as though she was missing the joke.
"It's probably Renee." She explained curiously.
I remained unmoving. Shoulders stiff.
"It's not" I said nervously.
She smiled again, pursing her lips and furrowing her brow in confusion.
I opened my mouth to say something, but realised the only excuses I had, were lies. I swallowed them back down.
Her eyes looked me over. My stiff posture. My anxious expression.
Her smile fell and she looked at my hand. Focusing on it, as her mind filled in the blanks.
She was smart. And she knew me through and through.
She knew the very best parts of me.
She also knew the worst.
Her eyes lifted to mine. The confusion dissipating, replaced with an understanding that was deeply unsettling.
My concern for her growing. My hatred of him expanding along with it.
I don't know what I had expected from her. But her acceptance threw me.
We were all capable of killing. Of having a hand in someone's demise.
I had liked to believe that she was ignoring what was happening around her. Pretending she didn't see it, because she didn't want any part of it.
But what was more alarming to me, was the idea that she eagerly awaiting it. That he has pushed her to place she'd never been before, and she could only see one way out of it.
"I'll just use yours." She told me quietly, widening her eyes slightly, her tone casual and flat.
I choked on my words. Nodding to the dining room table, where my phone was.
Watching her closely as she moved, assuring I hadn't missed anything.
She dialled Renee's number, before turning back to the living room. Leaving me in the same position.
"Hi mom." She chimed, employing the masked tone that she'd crafted for her mother's sake.
She looked at me from the corner of her eye, when Renee asked why she was using my phone.
She didn't look angry or scared. The only word I could use to describe her expression, was indifferent.
"Yeah. It's broken." She explained simply as she got herself comfortable, reclining back into the cushions.
She drew her attention back to the tv. I took the moment to take care of the text messages, before turning the phone off.
I sat down beside her. Waiting for her to finish the act I'd seen her perform a hundred times before. Pacifying her mother's concerns with lighthearted comments. Treating her like naïve child, that she feared upsetting with any harsh truths.
As the conversation with Renee drew to an end, I expected a line of questioning to begin.
I searched my mind for a way to explain myself, to justify my actions. But my efforts were of no use.
She put the phone down and looked over at me, holding my eyes in a gentle stare.
A small smile crossed her lips as she slowly filled the space between us, settling against me.
I slid my arm around her and left a kiss buried in her hair. I could feel a warmth between us, something that had been misplaced for months.
She seemed lighter somehow. I knew Alice had a great deal to do with that weight being lifted from her shoulders.
But also, I wondered if she could feel an inevitable ending approaching. Knowing his existence on this earth was temporary, maybe that was what she needed to find some peace.
Throughout the night I felt something building between us. It was in the way she moulded her body to mine. How she held me tighter than usual.
Taking simple steps toward something.
Like following a map back to a place, we had both known.
Even if we couldn't stay there long.