Donnie's eyes blinked open, and he let out a heavy sigh as he lifted a fist to rub his eyes. Sleep had been eluding him more than usual the past few days… the best he could do was short bursts until his internal clock woke him bright and early. A bitter sigh escaped him.

Yeah right… as if anything's bright now.

Heaving himself up, he reached for his mask and tied it on with deft and practiced movements before heading for his door with tired, shambling steps. His mind began running through all the things to do that day, as always. But personal projects found themselves on the bottom of the list; most of the things he thought of was what needed to be done for Leo. In the back of his mind, the hope that his twin had woken up, or even just improved hovered, but he ordered himself not to entertain it much. That hope had led to nothing but disappointment so far.

The scent of eggs drifting from the kitchen told Donnie Mikey was up and at work, but despite the prompting of his empty stomach instinct directed his steps toward the med bay. When he pushed the door open, he saw that it was Raph sitting at Leo's bedside. None of the family was eager to spend less time there, but Raph would stay there all day, every day if the others let him. Donnie was in little doubt that the snapper was finding some way to blame himself for this… that was what he always did in situations like this. Never mind there was no possible way it could be his fault, he never considered that little detail.

When Raph looked up, Donnie saw the weariness in his eyes and the bags under them that his mask somehow didn't manage to hide. But he still managed a small smile.

"Morning, Dee." He squinted, his face growing concerned. "You get some sleep? Ya don't look so good."

Donnie raised a brow at him.

"You're one to talk. You look like death warmed over."

Raph let out a quiet sigh, rubbing an eye with the heel of his hand. Donnie noticed it was his right eye; it tended to irritate him more than the other. That and the ragged scar was the only remaining sign of what happened to it, but Draxum's carefully worded comments had made it clear he was extremely lucky not to lose the eye, much less the sight in it.

"Well… ya know, not sleepin' so well," the snapper mumbled. "Don't know if any of us aren't."

His eyes moved to Leo, and the pain in them grew even more obvious. Donnie hesitated for a moment, then moved to check his twin over. As he'd expected, there was no change. That wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but the genius knew that if Leo were to take a turn for the worse, he wouldn't have much of a chance.

Donnie looked up at the sound of a soft, trembling exhale and saw that Raph was resting his head in his hands.

"I knew something was wrong," he gritted out. "Why didn't I do something sooner?"

The softshell pressed his lips together in a combination of concern and irritation. Why did Raph always have to do this?

The same reason your dum-dum twin does it, said a voice in his head. Putting that thought aside, he did his best to keep the annoyance out of his voice.

"You know logically, there's not much we could've done to prevent it. Leo could have called us sooner… do you blame him?"

Raph looked up.

"No," he said right away. "But…"

Donnie rolled his eyes, but Raph went on before he could say anything.

"But I know why he didn't."

That brought Donnie up short. He looked at his big brother, brow creased in a frown. Raph looked back at Leo, his eyes brimming.

"He thinks he's gotta protect us, keep us out a' danger even if it gets him hurt, or worse," he murmured, and his voice began trembling as he went on. "All the times I pushed him, told him t' step up…"

At that Donnie felt his irritation lessen, becoming more concern.

"Raph…"

The snapper put his head in his hands again, shaking it as he trembled with the effort of holding back his tears. Donnie hesitated, then moved to stand in front of his older brother. Him and Leo had talked it out months ago, but the eldest turtle clearly still blamed himself for Leo's decision to trap himself with the Krang, and this too. Donnie couldn't pretend to be surprised.

"You never meant he should die for it," the genius said. "And you didn't tell him to do it…"

Raph finally let a quiet sob escape, then lifted his head. His eyes were so full of anguish that Donnie fell silent, his own eyes widening.

"Dee… don't you get it?" the snapper choked. "He thinks being a good leader means being like me. I as good as told him t' do it, 'cause I did it."

Tears began streaming from his eyes as he slumped again, no longer able to hold them back.

"It's all my fault," he whispered. "He got it in his head that he's gotta risk his life all the time from me. Leader or not, he's my little brother. I'm supposed to keep him safe, an' instead I taught him how t' self-destruct. He barely got through it last time, and now…"

Donnie felt his throat tighten; despite the undying faith he knew Raph had in their brother, even he still couldn't shake the fear everyone in the family shared; that Leo had tempted the impossible one too many times. The genius wasn't sure how long he stood in silence, struggling to think of what to say, as he watched his oldest brother's silent crying. Seeing someone so strong beat himself up like this hurt in ways Donnie would never admit.

Finally, he slowly reached out and placed a hand on Raph's shoulder. The snapper looked up, a look of slight surprise on his face. It didn't bother Donnie… he'd never been one for emotional contact and everyone knew it. But he knew this was what his brother needed, and he would push through his discomfort for his family whenever he had to.

"Raph, as much as he acts like it, Leo's not an idiot. He makes his own decisions. You could tell him to be as unlike you as possible. You could tell him anything to try and steer him away from it. But that wouldn't change anything. He's wanted to be like you since as long as I can remember. And nothing would stop him, not even any of us."

His red-banded brother looked up at him, tears still escaping his eyes. His voice was soft and hoarse, but Donnie could hear a slight hint of something that sounded like hope.

"H-how… how d' you know?"

The softshell gave Raph's shoulder a few pats.

"Twin instinct."

Raph blinked, then smiled with a watery chuckle.

"Ya finally admitting to the twin theory, huh?"

Donnie let the corner of his mouth twitch up into a half grin, unable to keep a soft chuckle from escaping himself.

"Just don't tell Leo. And even if you do, just know I will deny ever saying it."

Raph's smile grew a little wider, and he reached up to place his large hand over Donnie's.

"No worries, Donnie. Your secret's safe with me."

Donnie smiled back, then looked over at Leo. The sight of his flamboyant, enthusiastic brother, his twin, so still and silent made it impossible to keep smiling, but he still couldn't stop himself from letting out another huff of laughter… though noticeably drier than the last one.

"I almost hope Nardo didn't hear that. As soon as he wakes up, you know he'll never let me hear the end of it."

Raph hummed softly but didn't answer. Donnie knew what he was thinking… that he wanted to believe it was a matter of when rather than if their blue banded brother would wake up. But as much as they all wanted to deny it, there was no avoiding that it was more a hope than a fact.