Shades Of Self Chapter 22

Disclaimer: If I could choose a cartoon franchise to own, I might pick Ben 10. I'll have to think about it…

I'm so glad everyone enjoyed my last chapter. It's nice to finally be able to move the present day plot forward a little. We should be seeing more frequent chapters set in the present day as well, but for now, we have returned to the past.

See you at the bottom!

"A weary mind is easy to infiltrate."

Doctrine of the Priests of Thioss

Warnings:

Depression

Emotional/mental manipulation

Ben being treated like a pet

Four Years Ago

Time passed.

Ben wasn't sure how long it had been since his second surrender. He thought it had been at least a few weeks, but he had no way to mark the days and they blended together into a haze of boredom and misery with a few events standing out stark and clear.

First had come a change in his diet. This happened only a few days after his failed request to go outside. He awakened one morning in the cramped silence of his room, expecting this day to be just like the others, but when he lifted the lid on the usual covered dish, he stopped in confusion. He had grown used to seeing the assortment of spongy food lumps, and used to spending a few minutes at every meal forcing himself to eat them. They weren't awful, but they were dull and had become increasingly unappetizing as the days passed.

However, they weren't what confronted him now. Instead, the plate supported a generous portion of what looked, for lack of a better word, like food. There was a pile of small pale-yellow granules, reminiscent of some kind of grain, some green plants that made Ben think of asparagus crossed with broccoli, and a roughly oval slice of something golden brown. Ben felt his mouth water as an aroma reminiscent of chicken reached his nose, along with several other alluring scents which he couldn't name, but recognized distinctly as delicious. He froze for a moment, all his senses focused on the meal.

How long had it been since he had actually wanted to eat something and wasn't just doing it to fill his stomach or because he had been ordered to? This was probably the first time since before his capture. His mum had made pancakes for breakfast in celebration of his first day back at school. He pushed the picture away, feeling a twinge in his chest, and focused back on the meal in front of him.

Back when he had first been captured, Ben would have been suspicious of the change, worried about how his body might react to the alien food, or wondering if this was some kind of trap, but now the thoughts didn't even enter his head. If Vilgax was feeding it to him, then he was sure it was safe. The alien had made it clear he wanted Ben not just alive, but healthy.

Ben didn't know what had triggered the change in his food; whether he had done something Vilgax liked, or whether this had simply been the next step in the alien's plans. Certainly, he had been fairly obedient lately, much as it galled him. Still, he didn't hesitate to lift out the metal plate and put it down on the small shelf he had started using as a standing table. It was still hot and the enticing smells were stronger as he lifted it. There was cutlery too, another first. The fork and knife were strangely stylized, but clearly made for human hands. As he lifted out the knife, serrated and reasonably sharp, Ben briefly entertained the thought of hiding it and trying to stab his captor the next time Vilgax picked him up, then dismissed it. That was a stupid idea. The knife stood no chance of penetrating the alien's thick skin, and even if it did, what good would that do? All that would happen was that Vilgax might get angry and switch back to Ben's original food, or do something else to punish him.

Ben dug his fork into the pile of yellow grains. He lifted the loaded fork to his mouth, hesitating for a moment before popping it in. the grains seemed to explode with flavour, buttery and spicy, and they were delightfully crisp with a soft inside. He smiled in ecstasy. He took several more bites in quick succession. He tried the vegetables, and what he was sure was a piece of meat, though he didn't know what kind. Everything was delicious and he took another bite, closing his eyes as he chewed.

Suddenly Ben's smile froze as his pleasure ground to a halt. He swallowed the bite of food roughly, feeling shame wash over him. He had been enjoying the food. He had even been smiling. He shouldn't be doing that. Vilgax could be watching him. He probably was watching. Ben's gaze flashed briefly around his room. He had never been able to find spy cameras, but he was sure they were there. Viglax had been pretty obviously aware of everything Ben did.

He was a prisoner here, and there was nothing he could do about that right now, but that wasn't what Vilgax wanted him for. He wanted a pet, and Ben didn't want to give him that. He couldn't fight Vilgax, and he couldn't bring himself to defy the alien anymore, not when there was nothing he could do to fight back or escape, not when everything he tried had been useless. Vilgax could do what he wanted to him, but Ben didn't, shouldn't enjoy it; any of it. Grandpa would be so disappointed if he could see Ben now, see how much like Vilgax's pet he looked right now.

Ben let out a slow breath, tightening his fist reflexively on the fork. The food was so good.

It wasn't as though he wanted to be miserable, but…

He thought of Ferdinand at home; rubbing against their legs, begging for treats and walks and enjoying getting his tummy rubbed. The picture used to be cute in Ben's mind, but now it gave him the creeps. He didn't want to ever become like that, and he had an idea that was exactly what Vilgax wanted.

"You are so unhappy because you are still trying to fight me. You will find it much more pleasant when you obey."

Ben shook his head to chase out the memory. I don't want to be happy; not here, and not with you.

Slowly, he took another bite of his breakfast. It was still delicious, especially after weeks of eating the other stuff, but his grim thoughts had succeeded in taking the smile off of his face. He finished the food silently, and replaced the dishes in their container. He couldn't let his guard down, even when he was alone. He had to remember that.

Ben had been worried that the food might be a one-time thing, but the change continued in the days that followed, with each meal being different and obviously not made from foods found on earth, but still tasty. Ben relished the food every time, but tried to keep his face neutral as he ate, and he couldn't help feeling ashamed every time he savoured a new or interesting flavour.

Another week or so passed, and there was another change.

Ben's training had been getting more elaborate. He now spent several hours in the training arena each day, after Vilgax finished whatever errands he had that morning. The arena and course changed frequently, as did the program Vilgax had for him. Sometimes Vilgax would order Ben to turn into a particular alien, and the training exercises would be tailored to the alien he chose. Other times Ben would be allowed to shift freely as he fought hordes of drones or worked his way through an obstacle course. Some of the Robots Ben fought seemed very specialized, and he had started wondering whether Vilgax was using him to test new models, or developing particular robots especially for him, although that idea was a little harder to swallow.

It worried Ben to think of what the alien was training him for, what he might eventually be commanded to do, but it was also the most pleasant part of his day by far. It was the only time where he was allowed to shift, and the only time where he had some freedom of movement, even restricted as it was. The variety and regular changes gave him something different to look forward to. It kept his body and mind active and made the numbing boredom of the hours spent alone in his room slightly more bearable.

When he trained, Ben felt the closest thing to happiness he had experienced since his capture. He could feel his control and understanding of his aliens growing, and he knew he was getting stronger and more powerful. Sometimes it was possible to almost forget why he was training, and to ignore the eyes of his ever-present captor.

Vilgax never left Ben alone to train, even though he could easily have restricted Ben with commands and left him to follow them. Instead, he always led Ben to the arena in person, and stayed to watch him train, even as the training sessions grew progressively longer. From what Ben saw of Vilgax, the alien had a fair amount of work that he completed each day, and it always sounded as if he were discussing something important when he spoke with his subordinates. Vilgax seemed to have a lot of plans in motion. His forces were gathering and consolidating around the planets he controlled, and it sounded like he was preparing for a large-scale operation. He had a lot meetings about various administerial duties as well, and was often busy with what appeared to essentially be paperwork in the evenings. It seemed strange to Ben that Vilgax spent so much time with his prisoner. Ben now spent only about four or five hours alone in his room, from lunch time to supper. The rest of his day was spent with Vilgax.

Did Vilgax see it as a responsibility to spend time with his…with Ben?

Or does he actually enjoy it?

Ben shot a glance at the alien. They had just arrived at the training arena, and Vilgax was in the process of opening the door. For once the red eyes were not focused on him. Vilgax walked through the door and Ben followed. Today the arena was bare except for some elevations in the floor and protrusions from the walls. He would be fighting today then. Ben rolled his shoulders, trying to loosen up a little. He hoped Vilgax would let him choose his aliens today. He hadn't been Wildvine in a few days and he missed the flexibility he felt in that form.

"Come here, Ben."

Ben turned in surprise, then walked gingerly over to where Vilgax was waiting.

"Show me the omnitrix."

Biting back the question he wanted to ask, Ben held out his arm. Vilgax knelt and took a hold of the boy's wrist gently, using his other hand to delicately tap the device's screen, opening its settings as he had done previously.

Ben watched, a trifle apprehensively. It would be nice if Vilgax would tell him what he was changing. He hated not knowing, but he knew his captor wouldn't tell him if he asked. All it would do was annoy the alien. Vilgax released him and stood, and Ben jumped a little as the omnitrix started glowing, accepting whatever changes Vilgax had made. He opened his mouth to ask what the alien had done, even knowing he wouldn't get an answer, but paused as he caught sight of the silhouette on the omnitrix's screen. It looked tall and thin, and seemed to be wrapped in a hooded cloak.

"Is that a new alien?" Ben's gaze shot towards Vilgax as he immediately regretted the excitement in his voice. Vilgax didn't answer, as usual, but the tips of his tentacles rippled, and Ben got the unpleasant impression that the alien was amused. He felt his cheeks heat up slightly and dropped his eyes, back to the omnitrix's screen.

"Morph," Vilgax ordered, and for once Ben was glad to obey. The green light flashed and he felt his body twist into the new shape, bones stretching and thinning. He felt lighter, more agile, and a delightful cool feeling spread through him. The green flash faded and Ben looked down at himself. He was a deep blue with clawed hands and feet. He stretched and what had looked like cloth robes unfurled into huge, moth-like wings. The body underneath them was slender and wiry. He seemed to be built for speed and agility. He could feel a pleasant chill in the air around him, especially when he breathed.

"Good." The approving growl cut through Ben's examination, an unwelcome reminder of his circumstances. "Be ready," the alien ordered, and Ben gave a flap of his wings, lifting effortlessly into the air. It was a very different feeling flight to what he experienced as Stinkfly; calm and silent instead of filled with frenetic energy. The walls of the arena slid up.

Flying drones today, Ben mused. Makes sense I suppose. He glanced down to where Vilgax had positioned himself against one wall, out of the way. He exhaled, watching the cold whisps of his breath.

"Okay then," Ben said to himself, eyes on the cloud of drones as they flew upward to meet him. The words came out in a breathy hiss. "Let's see what you can do."

Once training was finished, and Ben was back in his room, he let himself fall backward onto his bed. He was tired and a little sore, and yet he felt full of energy. That had been so exhilarating. The new alien was awesome! It could not only freeze things solid, but fly right through them and turn invisible like Ghostfreak, although without the unpleasant memories. He lifted his left arm above his head so the hand dangled, eyes focused on the device around his wrist. How many aliens are in this thing? he wondered. And would Vilgax let him activate any others?

He shook his head in self admonishment. He knew this was an awful situation He was reminded often enough. This wasn't what he wanted to be using his aliens for. He shouldn't be happy or excited, but he couldn't help it. Everything about the omnitrix fascinated him. It always had. He used to spend ages fiddling with the device, trying to figure our how it worked. Now he was finally getting a chance to see a little more about how it operated, though he wished he was able to change the settings himself. Still, even in his situation it was exciting.

He took a couple of deep breaths to calm himself down, resting one arm across his eyes.

He had a few hours before supper. Maybe he could nap for a little while. He closed his eyes, trying to keep his mind empty.

Maybe tomorrow he would be allowed to use Big Chill again.

Another week had passed, so far as he could tell, and now there was a new change, and Ben wasn't sure he liked it.

He was pacing again, glancing at his window now and then and trying to use the slice of alien sky he could see to tell the passing time.

Vilgax had gone away somewhere for two days. He had told Ben yesterday during Ben's nightly visit. Vilgax had not given him a reason, but Ben had guessed that it made sense; Vilgax was some kind of emperor or something. He already seemed to be spending far too much time hanging around Ben. He must have other stuff he needed to oversee. Ben hadn't said anything in response to the alien's pronouncement, just nodded, eyes down. As the days passed and Ben continued going to the alien's rooms in the evening, Vilgax had begun to hold him more often, and Ben had been sitting stiffly in the alien's lap while one clawed hand played with his hair. It made his skin crawl, but he didn't fight it.

At the time, and given the way he was feeling, a break from Vilgax had seemed worth missing a few training sessions. Now, he wasn't so sure.

It had only been one day, and was already a mess. His room felt small and suffocating, more so than usual. No errands with Vilgax this morning, and no training in the afternoon. The dark thoughts were swirling again and there was nothing to distract him. He was also bored, and he hadn't been able to shift today, but it was more than that. The day had passed so slowly. He had finished supper about an hour ago, and he was feeling…lonely.

Ben groaned mentally at the thought and tugged angrily at his collar.

It wasn't as though he enjoyed spending time with Vilgax. The alien gave him the creeps. He dreaded the moments when Vilgax petted him and held him, without a care for Ben's distress which must have been all too obvious. It made Ben feel like his feeling were completely worthless. It made Ben feel like something less than human.

At the same time, Vilgax was the only person Ben could spend time with. There was no one else Ben was allowed to see or speak to or just be around, and he didn't like being on his own. Ben had always hated being alone, and it was much worse being alone here, where his thoughts inevitably got darker and more depressing the more time he had to dwell on them. At least with Vilgax his mind was somewhat occupied. It was the same reason he visited the alien every night without being ordered, even when Vilgax's petting made him feel even more like the alien's pet.

Now, without Vilgax, Ben felt empty.

He stopped pacing. Through the window, he could see that the sky above the swamp was finally darkening. Vilgax wasn't there, but maybe he could still go to the alien's rooms this evening. It was still permitted, and at least that way he would get out of his room for a while. At least Vilgax hadn't confined him here while he was gone.

Ben slid the door open and slipped through it. It was a little strange to be making his way towards what he knew were empty rooms. Still, the walk was nice, especially after being in that suffocating box all day. It calmed him a little to be out in the cool, stone corridors.

Halfway to Vilgax's rooms Ben pulled up short. There was an alien standing in the hallway in front of him. It was the first time he had encountered anyone while walking on his own. Ben remembered this alien. It was Trisaara, the insect-like alien that Vilgax talked with the most often. She seemed to be in some position of authority, although still subordinate to Vilgax. As always, Ben felt a shiver go down his spine at the sight of her. Trisaara cocked her head, her antenna waving and compound eyes glittering eerily in the light of the fire basons.

"Well, well. If it isn't the Warlord's little human pet." Her cold, clipped voice seemed faintly sardonic, devoid of the deference it held when she spoke to Vilgax.

Ben would have liked to deny the assertion, but there wasn't much he could say. It was essentially the truth. He settled for a glare instead.

"What do you want?" He tried to sound sure of himself and not let his nervousness show. He was uncomfortably aware that there was nothing he could do to defend himself if she tried anything. He was sure Vilgax had told his subordinates not to harm him, but he didn't know whether this alien was likely to follow those orders or not. It wasn't something he liked to count on.

Trisaara stroked her abdomen with one long, dark blue leg. Her eyes glittered, sizing him up.

"Nothing," she said after a moment. The narrow head tilted the other way this time and Ben had the uncomfortable feeling that he was being thoroughly scrutinized. "After all," Trisaara continued, "you're being a good little human and doing as you've been told." She backed up a little to make room and gestured with a front leg. "Continue."

Ben had bristled again at her assessment, but now he felt the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. He didn't want to go any closer to this her. Still, he couldn't quite bring himself to back down, maybe because it was the first time he'd been able to stand up for himself in what felt like forever.

He walked forward slowly, eyes on the alien. Trisaara's mandibles clicked together and Ben managed to repress a flinch. Then he was past her. He slowly let out the breath he'd been holding. Behind him he heard a clicking chuckle. He turned sharply and looked again into the shine of her eyes.

"That's a good human. I'll see you again." Turning from him, Trisaara scuttled down the corridor, her clawed feet making a soft rasping noise against the stone floor. Ben watched until she was out of sight.

"I hope not," he said quietly. He felt more on edge than ever after that encounter, but he might as well continue to Vilgax's rooms. He didn't want to go back, and at least he knew he was heading in a different direction from the alien. Slowly, he continued walking.

One more day. He would manage.

"Now, show me this object you have found."

"As you wish, Warlord. If you would follow me." The young Tha-ank, identified as Captain Prasic, bowed low, both pairs of hands rubbing together nervously. Vilgax flicked a tentacle, acknowledging the gesture, then followed behind the skittish alien. It was her first time in the warlord's presence, and she seemed very young, barely into her third stage of development. No doubt that accounted for her nervousness and the stiffness with which she performed the gestures of respect.

It was Vilgax's first time on this salvage station, and it wasn't the type of place he usually frequented, but after seeing the pictures and diagrams of the object in question, he felt it was necessary to go in person. He didn't like to have it brought to Crito-Ah until he had determined exactly what it was and whether it was safely contained.

Of course, he had needed to leave his pet behind, and that had been harder than expected. When he had made his plans initially, and even after successfully capturing the boy, Vilgax had not expected that he would be so fascinated by Ben, to the point that it was difficult to concentrate on his work when the boy was with him. The young human almost always occupied some corner of his thoughts lately, and Vilgax had started to particularly enjoy the time they spent together in the evenings, even though Ben yet to fully relax in his presence after the evening when he had fallen asleep in the warlord's lap. The boy was gradually becoming more compliant, and more accustomed to his situation, but Vilgax needed to keep pushing. It was important that Ben become reliant on him, and that the boy be loyal, not just obedient. Ben was still fighting in some way, but he would be happy eventually. The warlord's tentacles rippled in amusement. The human had certainly been enjoying his new food, although he tried not to show it when he ate. It was adorable.

Baring unexpected delays, he should be back at the capital by tomorrow evening, and it would be interesting to see how Ben had reacted to his absence.

"In here, Warlord." Captain Prasic gestured to a heavily reinforced door. "We have maintained its original temperature as you instructed."

"Good. Any changes since its discovery?"

"None." Relief was evident in the Tha-ank's rough voice. No beings liked discovering something unknown in space. Salvage ships and stations had been wiped out before by previously unidentified pathogens that clung to asteroids or space debris. Having to monitor a potentially contagious object was an unenviable position. Since seeing the energy signature of the object, Vilgax had doubted that it was infectious, but had not seen the need to disabuse the station's workers of the notion. If it made them more careful around the object, so much the better.

Vilgax glanced meaningful at the Tha-ank when she paused before the containment room. Captain Prasic looked confused for a moment then, embarrassed, she fumbled for the sensor on the door. A five-metre section of wall turned transparent at her touch, and Vilgax looked through. The ice block looked the same as it had in the images he had seen. The conditions it had been found in had been replicated as closely as the station's technology would allow, and it seemed stable. It was illuminated from behind, revealing a suggestion of the twisted form within. Vilgax glanced at the holographic graphs which had appeared along with the transparency. Hi eye alighted on one in particular.

"When was this scan taken?"

"This morning." Captain Prasic touched a sensor, bringing up more details on the scan in question. "We tried scanning with the Vorpextor. It's definitely alive, whatever it is. It seems to have been forced into hibernation by the ice."

"Could you restore it to functionality?" Vilgax was still examining the readings and did not look at her as he asked the question.

"I believe so, Warlord." The Tha-ank's shoulder plates quivered slightly as she contemplated. "It doesn't appear to have suffered any damage from the freezing." She paused, then said hesitantly "It is difficult to tell what species it originally was. My team has discovered characteristics of at least eight different species."

Vilgax kept his tentacles still, although amusement trickled through him again. There are probably eleven if this was caused by what it seems to be. It may even have been human once, especially if it comes from that galactic backwater.

The creature's energy signature was similar to that of the omnitrix, although weaker and somewhat fragmented. There was only one omnitrix, so unless it had encountered the device before it got to Earth, this creature had most likely tangled with Ben and been mutated somehow by the omnitrix's energy. Vilgax didn't know why the omnitrix had reacted that way, and he would probably need to thaw the creature out to determine exactly how it had happened.

"Very well," he said, turning finally to his companion. "Ensure that it is safely contained, and then restore it. It appears grotesque, but it may be quite powerful. Do you have any other means of restraining it if it turns violent?"

"Yes, Warlord. They may take some time to prepare."

Vilgax flicked a tentacle in acknowledgement, and the captain departed. As she turned the corner, Vilgax could hear her already contacting her team on the station.

He looked back at the creature in the ice block. He wondered whether it had been an ally or an enemy of his little human. Either way, perhaps it would prove useful for more than answering his scientific curiosity.

I may have a surprise for you soon, little one.

Thanks for reading everyone.

Ben got a couple more 'rewards' it seems.

I like Wildvine. Criminally underused in my opinion. I like Big Chill too though, and it's fun to think of what the silhouette would look like on Ben's original omnitrix.

Ferdinand is my made-up name for Ben's German Shepard that we see in "Goodbye And Good Riddance." This story is an AU starting in the middle of that episode, but apparently Ben's dog was never named, so now he is.

You may have noticed a little role reversal with our salvaged ice block. I hope it makes sense. Essentially, Kevin's fight with Technorg in "Grudge Match" ended a little differently from how it seemed to go in the show.

I hope the scene transitions worked well. I am still learning how to properly summarize events so that I don't show every single thing that happens, so I hope this didn't feel disjointed. Time jumps are hard, especially because I really want to write about everything that happens in minute detail.

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Let me know what you think and see you all next time!