Shades Of Self Chapter 24

Disclaimer: Unfortunately not, but if you see it for sale, let me know!

Thanks for sticking with me, everyone. I love that so many people are enjoying this story. It is one that I am really enjoying, and it is amazing to see your responses. Thank you also for being so patient. It means a lot.

Now we get to find out how present-day Ben is reacting to this mess.

A bit of a shorter chapter unfortunately. My present-day chapters tend to do that. At least our present-day plot is moving forwards. Enjoy and see you at the bottom!

"I don't even know who I am anymore. It was so much easier when I was happy being the person he wanted me to be."

Unknown

Warnings

Aftermath of emotional/mental manipulation

Ben being treated like a pet

Present Day

The Tennysons are going to die.

Ben repeated the words to himself, trying to get used to them. He was finally back in his room, lying stretched out on his bed, hands behind his head. He was staring blankly at the featureless, metal ceiling above him. His body was relaxed, but his mind was still chewing over what he had learned, skipping like a scratched record.

The day had finally ended, at least according to the Antarasin's timepieces. One shift of workers were retiring to their bunks while the next set assumed their posts. There was no day or night in space, and Antarasin never rested, but Ben and his Master usually kept to the schedules they adopted when planet-side. Master only needed to sleep occasionally, but he needed regular times to rest and restore himself mentally. Ben often stayed with his Master during his rest cycle, but he had found, uncharacteristically, that he wanted to be alone.

The Tennysons are going to die.

Ben grimaced, an involuntary twitch of his lips.

No matter how many times he repeated the words they still felt wrong to him. The thought bothered him like an itch he couldn't get rid of. He shook his head angrily and huffed out a frustrated breath. Why was he feeling like this? It wasn't like him. Usually, he was content to rely on whatever judgement Master made. It was comforting to simply trust that his Master knew best, and not to have to make any difficult decisions on his own. Master was good at decisions. He was a comforting mountain that Ben took shelter beneath. It wasn't as though he had the power to change Master's decisions anyway. All he had to do was enforce them. Master ordered and Ben obeyed. It was comforting and familiar. Now Master had made a decision and Ben didn't feel relieved or comforted. He didn't know what he was feeling.

The Tennysons are going to die.

Ben wondered whether he would have to kill them. Master hadn't mentioned it, but he might not have decided that yet. There were likely a lot of considerations to go over. He was probably still planning out how it would go. Ben shifted restlessly on his mattress, turning onto his side.

It shouldn't matter either way. It wasn't a question Ben usually worried over or let himself dwell on. He had killed many people for his Master of as many races and specifications as he could name. It wasn't something he enjoyed, but he was used to it. It was just another part of his life, like sleeping, eating and training. His participation this time, like the decision itself, shouldn't bother him, and yet he felt his stomach twist at the thought.

He mused briefly how much simpler it would have been if he had just killed them when he had first sighted them skulking through Antarasin's innards. He had felt no hesitation then, and no pesky restlessness. Those feelings had only manifested once he had had time to think and fret. He was also fairly certain that it had been a mistake to engage with Gwen and respond to her words. He should have ignored her, as he would have with any other prisoner. She had reminded him of their relationship from before his Master. He had felt a trickle of their old antagonistic rapport, and had responded without thinking. He had stopped himself quickly and had not spoken to her since, and yet he couldn't seem to stop thinking about her.

I don't want her to die.

Ben knew his desires didn't matter; the choice wasn't his to make. What he wanted wouldn't change what was to happen, and yet that wasn't the problem.

The problem was that even if the unprecedented happened, if Master called him over right now and told him he could do anything he wanted…Ben didn't know what he would choose. He couldn't decide to let the captives go. They were Master's enemies; they were dangerous. They had caused many problems for Master in the past. Releasing them would only lead to another clash further down the line, one that might end in a less favourable way, and imprisoning them forever wasn't feasible. Killing them was the smartest, the best choice. As always, Master was correct. Ben knew that, so why did his heart sink every time he thought of tomorrow?

The Tennysons are going to die.

"What's wrong with me?" Ben fisted his hands angrily in his bedsheets.

He didn't have the answer. Master had said he would feel better when it was all over. Maybe that was true. When it was all over. That would only be when Gwen and Maxwell Tennyson were dead.

Ben paused, sitting up abruptly.

Gwen would die tomorrow; that was certain. That meant he would never see her again. It meant this was his last chance to speak to her. He rose impulsively at the thought, letting it guide his feet, slipping through his door and into the metal corridors he knew so well.

He had no plan in mind for what he was going there for, nor any real idea why he was going, at least none that he could articulate. He only knew that whatever Master decided became inevitable. It would happen. Gwen would die. And he knew that he needed to see her before that happened, one final time.

Gwen wasn't surprised when her cell door opened and her cousin slipped inside.

She felt like she had been left alone here for far too long already; long enough that she had needed to stop trying spells and rest for a while. She hadn't really been able to sleep, but at least she could rest her head against her raised arm and relax her body slightly. She was acutely aware that she was likely running out of time, but she needed to conserve some energy in case she was able to get free.

It took her a moment to recognize Ben when he entered. He was a vaxasaurian; scaly and muscular, and so huge he barely fit through the door. She had noticed already that his alien forms no longer had a visible omnitrix symbol. Only the thin, black band around his neck tipped her off. It must resize itself depending on his form. Gwen wondered briefly whether Ben was ever allowed to take the collar off, or if he always had to wear it. The thought came with a fair amount of bitterness, and she had to force her expression to remain neutral.

Ben was silent until he was inside and the door had been re-sealed. Then he turned, shooting her an intense glance from under his scaly brows. He glanced around the room, as though uncomfortable, then his large, green eyes focused on hers once more, and he settled into a sitting position on the floor with a grating of scaled skin and a frustrated sounding huff of air.

Gwen raised an eyebrow, confused. She had expected Ben to cuff her again and escort her somewhere else. Was he guarding her? But then why hadn't he been doing that all along? He looked vaguely uncomfortable on the floor, but he didn't really look on guard. But why else could he be here? It was ridiculous to assume that he was just here to spend time with her, particularly as that had been the first thought that flashed through her mind.

She met Ben's eyes and saw her confusion reflected in the strange face. For a minute, there was silence. Gwen was bewildered, but she couldn't seem to find a way to voice any of the numerous questions rolling around in her head, and Ben did not seem inclined to speak first. They sat facing each other in uncomfortable silence for what was probably only a few minutes, but which felt much longer. Finally, there was a shift as the big alien rolled his shoulders and seemed to settle more comfortably onto the floor.

"You mastered your spell book," the gruff voice announced. It was not a question, but still seemed to request an answer.

Gwen blinked, her brain taking a second to process the words. It didn't seem like an interrogation. If it wasn't ridiculous, she would have said that it sounded like Ben was trying to make conversation. It was hard to find her voice amid the swirling emotions.

"Yeah," she managed after a moment. "It took me a couple of years though." She shot a glance at her cousin again, and saw that he was looking away, eyes seemingly tracing the walls of her cell.

There was a silence, and then Ben spoke again, but this time his voice was a whisper. It sounded like rocks slowly grinding across the ground. He spoke without looking at her.

"You wanted too so badly."

Gwen felt something catch in her throat suddenly. She remembered her younger self that summer so long ago, remembered the longing she had felt towards the spells contained within the book, the wonder when she figured out how to activate a spell, but she had felt little of that yearning when she had eventually mastered them, long after Ben had been taken. The spells had become a tool only; a way to grow her power, and a way to get revenge. Still, she nodded in answer to Ben's statement, swallowing the sudden rush of pain as well as she could. She felt a strange sense of unreality, as though she was not a part of this scene, but merely observing. Maybe that was why she let her guard down. The words were out before she had time to think about them.

"Just like you with the omnitrix."

Ben stilled at the words, green eyes snapping back to her, and Gwen bit her lip. She had been trying keep their not quite conversations light, and part of that meant not mentioning the watch. She and Grandpa had come here to kill the omnitrix wielder, and Ben knew that of course. She hadn't wanted to remind him of their current relationship, but now it was out and she might well have lost him, back into the new person he had grown into. She waited helplessly, watching her cousin, waiting for him to withdraw into himself once again.

Ben couldn't understand what he was feeling. This whole situation was vaguely disturbing, and he was already slightly on edge. He knew he was doing something Master would disapprove of, if not something that had been explicitly forbidden him. That knowledge was a constant feeling of anxiety that kept him just slightly on edge. He had come here despite this feeling because this would be the last time he would ever be able to see Gwen, and for some reason he couldn't bare the thought of missing this chance.

He had been uncomfortable, feeling slightly confused, still not sure why he was here; why he was speaking to her, but at Gwen's words he felt an abrupt swell of some strong emotion in his chest. His heart seemed to constrict and a hot pain throbbed deep inside him. It was sudden and completely unexpected, and Ben's eyes pricked with the beginnings of tears. He had to clamp down on his emotions quickly to keep his face neutral, and even so he knew his breathing had grown slightly ragged.

He stared at Gwen, at the person who used to be his cousin. How long had it been since he had thought of her? How long had it been since he had remembered that summer four years ago and the person he used to be? Her words had brought him back suddenly to the mindset of a small, ten-year-old boy experiencing the best summer of his life.

He remembered how he used to fiddle with the omnitrix for hours, exploring it and trying to solve its mysteries. Nothing else had captivated him the way the watch had. The omnitrix was still important to him, of course. It meant as much as his legs, his hands and his mind. It was something he couldn't imagine living without, but the passion he had felt back then had truly been something special. He didn't remember when that feeling had dimmed, had changed.

Gwen had been silently watching him as he struggled with his thoughts, though Ben knew he had probably only paused for a moment. She looked so different now. She was tall, muscled and lean, but it was the change in her face that struck him. She had a sharp face with high cheek bones and a narrow chin, and the orange of her hair had deepened. Ben had almost pulled back reflexively at her comment; almost turned and left, but he saw nothing dangerous or malevolent in Gwen's face and…he didn't want to leave. Hesitantly, he opened his mouth to respond, although later he could never quite remember what he had planned to say. He never got a chance to say it.

At that moment there was a sudden, brutal impact, accompanied by the horrible sound of tearing metal. The blow shook the ship from end to end like a dice cup, rattling everything inside it and, with no time to brace himself, Ben was thrown across the small cell. His head struck the opposite wall and stars exploded behind his eyes. The last thing he registered was Gwen's frightened voice as she called his name. The sound followed him down into the darkness and Ben found his own fading confusion echoing back, even as all else faded. Why was she frightened for him? Didn't she know he was probably going to kill her? Then even the confusion was gone, and darkness was all that remained.

Ben's body slumped to the floor and he knew nothing more for a time.

Hope you enjoyed!

See? Lots of plot movement.

I'm not entirely happy with this chapter. It was always a part of the story that I had trouble with, and I've been too burned out from work and other stuff to write as often as I should. Let me know how I did. This may be one I revisit again later on.

From what I can figure, we are less than ten chapters from the end of "Shades Of Self." Starts hyperventilating. We have only two or three past chapters left to go, and probably four or five present day ones before the end. However, that does not mean the story will be over. I have had an idea for a sequel for a while, and now that I've been writing fairly consistently, I have started having lots of ideas for it. I have the basic outline already planned out. It will continue Ben's story. More details will come in a few chapters.

Next chapter is back in the past and it's…gonna be fun.

Next up will probably be "Anniversary", "Best Friends Since Pre-K" or another chapter for "Shades Of Self."

Thanks for reading and see you next time!