Chapter 2

Dorian:

"I can see why you came here," River tells me as he lounges on the chaise lounge beside my bed after we return to my place later that night after eating.

I am stretched out on my bed with a book, but not really paying much attention to the book.

River and I are mostly catching up right now. Like me, River has not been to Llanview for a couple of years.

His father lives an hour outside of Llanview. Andrew used to be an Episcopal minister in Llanview, but is now a social worker.

"I think Mom's more settled now, but she still worries about me," River tells me. "I tell her that DC is different from Llanview."

"You'll be a lot safer here," I say.

I know because here in a big city, there's none of the small town gossip and we're not stuck seeing the same people day after day.

Ironically enough, there's more privacy here than in Llanview.

"You had a hard time in Llanview, didn't you, Gran?" River asks me softly.

I nod. "I was different...I had made money in my own right, worked my way through medical school...most of the high society elite were threatened by it."

"Mom mentioned how awful Viki was to you all those years..." River says. "Gran...are you happier since moving here?"

"Yes, I am," I tell him. "People are...free here. River..." I hesitate a minute. "How are you feeling as an adult?"

River smiles a bit ruefully. "You noticed...I'm finding out that I'm transgender...inside I'm a woman...Gran...how do you feel about me going by Risa and registering as a female?"

"As long as you're comfortable with it," I say. This solves the puzzle of why Cassie and Andrew were so nonplussed at River...Risa's recent changes. "How much do your parents know?"

"I asked if they could call me Risa...I think they thought I was going through a 'teenage phase.'" River-Risa rolls his eyes.

"Hm..." I nod. "Perhaps a trip here later this fall would do them wonders...they'll see how different DC is from Llanview."

After chatting a while longer, Risa gets up to get ready for bed as Monday she is headed to George Washington University to register for classes.

"Goodnight, Gran," he...now she...kisses me.

"Goodnight, darling," I tell her, kissing her cheek.

After Risa retires to her new bedroom, I myself get undressed, draw a tub bath and climb in.

As I sink into the water, I reach over and sprinkle in a cinnamon-scented fragrance that bubbles.

I moan softly in delight, lean back and let my shoulder-length dark hair trail in the water.

Closing my eyes, I reflect on how my family has evolved and grown over the years.

Cassie is a reporter in Ohio and is married today...I'm glad that after a few disastrous marriages, she's finally able to have a fairly stable marriage now.

My second daughter, Adriana today lives in Mount Vernon, Virginia and is a producer of an online cable channel and several advertisements.

She recently married and has a toddler son and last May, had a daughter.

Langston recently returned from London...I'm looking forward to seeing her and meeting my new granddaughter soon.

Growing up, my two sisters and I lived in a shack full of poverty and abuse.

I still frown a bit, remembering the painful beatings our unstable mother Sonya inflicted on us and how she tried to get each of us to abuse each other.

My older sister Agatha, who we call Addie, is autistic.

From her teen years onward, she lived in state hospitals and institutions for years.

Melinda also spent most of her adult life in institutions, riddled with mental health issues.

For years, I felt alone as if I had no family left, which made me insecure and controlling.

The 1990s changed...bit by bit, I re-gained my family.

Addie, who I thought was dead, was re-united with me along with her daughter Blair.

For years, Blair had blamed me for Addie being in a state institution.

Blair and I fought for a few years until we finally settled things and became closer by the late 1990s.

We were able to find a far more humane place for Addie at Saint Anne's because at the time Addie could not live on her own and her spoken language was very limited.

I'm happy to report that today Addie can now live on her own.

For several years after I left Llanview and La Boulaie, Addie lived there.

Then when Blair landed a co-ownership with a couple of friends in New York City and moved there two years ago, Addie sold La Boulaie and moved to upstate New York not too far outside the city to be near her and her granddaughter Starr and now her great-granddaughter Hope.

Starr and Hope themselves have a long journey that they've been through...more on that later.

Melinda lived in and out of institutions until she died several years before I left Llanview.

I'm surprised that it still brings tears to my eyes even now to remember this.

I try to avoid wiping my eyes and just let them dry and think about Melinda's wonderful daughter Kelly.

Through the late 1990 and early 2000s, I saw Kelly through Llanview university.

Today Kelly lives in London with a school-age son and an infant daughter and co-owns a pub with several friends.

I smile softly, feeling pride for my family and the long way we Cramers have come.

The water is now tepid and cooling now, so I soap and rinse off one more time, then exit the tub, emptying it.

Pulling a blue robe over me, I run a comb through my hair, my dark brown eyes glimpsing in the mirror.

I lean close a minute, running my hand over my small swarthy face, taking in the lines, running a forefinger over my heavy, curved brows, my long, rather hooked nose and over the dark mole on my right cheekbone.

Despite being heavier now than I used to be, I can still see the starkly defined bone structure of my face, a face inherited from my mother Sonya and my grandmother, who immigrated from Russia in the early part of the twentieth century.

I'm ready to sleep soon, so I enter my bedroom and get comfortable with a nightshirt in my bed.

Glancing at my phone, I see e-mailed messages from Blair and Starr, so I read them.

Hey, Aunt Dorian...just wanted to check in and see how you are.

Is River settled in okay? I know he's excited about being in the nation's capital, especially with his senator aunt.

Mama and I are doing fine up here...I went up to see Mom last weekend as you know.

Hope starts third grade in another week. I think she's still healing from the loss of her dad and all that she went through last year.

She sees a counselor once a week, which is good. Getting away from Llanview has been good for her. Starr still worries about her a lot, though.

Aunt Dorian, I can tell that leaving Llanview has been good for you as well...since you left, you seem more relaxed.

I'm about to turn in, so we'll talk soon...love you.

Later,

Blair

I e-mail back updating her, mostly about River's arrival, then read the e-mail from Starr...

Hi, Aunt Dorian! Hope you're doing well. How's River?

Do you ever see the social media posts from Llanview?

Bo says that the Banner is about to go under...circulation is way down.

Tina says that today especially Aunt Viki was on a tear and had a skirmish or something with a store clerk over a credit card or something.

Natalie and Tina claim that since Clint died last year, Viki hasn't been the same, even though she's now married some wealthy banker from Port Charles.

I'm so glad you and Hope are away from that town because I have a feeling that there's still lots going on there.

I think it's best if most of the Bukes still think that Hope and Cole are dead.

I still worry about my daughter. She starts third grade in a week.

She's gotten better, but still spends a lot of her free time sleeping...her counselor says it's normal for what she's been through.

Perhaps becoming involved in a couple of school activities and making new friends will help her.

Once Hope and I get more unpacked and better organized, we'd love to have you, River, Mom and Grandmom over up here.

Until then, take good care, Aunt Dorian.

Love,

Starr

I e-mail back, updating her and letting her know that I'm behind her and Hope all the way.

As I put my phone down, I think over that I sometimes worry about Starr and Hope.

Many of the Buchanans became involved with corrupt people.

One of them tried to kill Starr, Hope and Cole. Cole is still in hiding out west, but none of us knows where yet.

Starr and Hope now live in upstate New York not too far from Addie.

I turn off my lamp after taking care to leave a nightlight on.

Embarrassing as it is, complete darkness indoors scares me...despite my brash, tough exterior, I have many deep fears.

I think this is why I love being able to make so much money...so I have complete control over my life.