Chapter 3

Dorian:

"So, Mom...please try to see that River doesn't make himself to be a pariah over there," Cassie begs me late Sunday morning over the phone. "I don't want him to have the trouble you had back in Llanview."

"Darling, he won't," I reassure her. "Washington, DC is different from either Canton or Llanview...you and Andrew, despite all you both went through, raised your son well."

"Thanks...I'll never forget the grief Viki and most of her minions put you through in Llanview...I'm glad you were strong enough to get through it."

I'm glad I was also...several times, especially when I was wrongfully convicted in May 1994 of murder, a motion started by Viki and her then-husband Sloan Carpenter, I feared for my sanity.

"But can you make sure that River keeps the jewelry and women's apparel just private at home so he can be safe from haters?"

I feel my brows rise, wrinkling my forehead. I'm a bit worried too mostly for how Risa's parents are handling this.

"Cassie...I can't guarantee that River will keep the feminine clothing a secret...he's an adult in his twenties now and regardless of what I tell him, the decision to go public will be ultimately his."

"Mooom..." Cassie wails.

"But I will do my best to protect him from bullies or from anyone intolerant...you and Andrew have my promise there." I place my hand over my heart even though we can't see each other. "I promise that he will be safer here than in Canton or Llanview."

"I guess..." Cassie doesn't completely sound convinced, but I accept that it will take her some time and perhaps a visit to DC to see that Risa will be all right.

Living in DC brings home to me how truly unsafe I was back in Llanview.

Sometimes I start shivering thinking about it...I was almost executed and twice almost strangled back in Llanview.

We chat a few minutes more mostly about Cassie's work at the Canton Log and about how Starr and Hope are doing.

It will probably take time to convince Andrew that Risa is not involved in a cult either.

Andrew texts me a few minutes after Cassie and I chat and asks me if Risa seems different and is "getting back to himself again" now that he's away from Canton.

I text back, reassuring Andrew that River is fine, is sleeping late this morning and seems all right.

He's probably tired since so many cults deprive their followers of sleep, Andrew texts. Don't be surprised if he sleeps a lot the first few weeks.

He probably will be tired from registering and getting back into the university routine, I text back. I'm so glad he's here in DC and is a student at GWU...I'm so proud of our River!

Well, Cassie and I are proud of our son and we're very grateful to you for giving River tips on city life and for opening your home to him for grad school Andrew texts.

I am happy to receive another text from a former employee of mine, Carlotta Vega, so I text her back, letting her know that River is here and settling in.

Carlotta is close to my age and used to manage the maintenance of my old house back in Llanview.

Now she owns several diners, her two sons are grown and out of Llanview and she is contemplating moving to Delaware.

I hear Risa beginning to stir from her room and decide to invite her to have brunch with me.

•••••••••••••

Risa and I spend a pleasant, quiet day together. We have pancakes, orange juice, a salad and salmon for our brunch, then I help him-her with some of the unpacking.

I've offered her a suite of rooms...a bedroom adjacent to a bathroom, which she likes.

Even though the weather is still rather hot and sticky, late that afternoon, we take a walk around several blocks in my neighborhood and sit in the nearby park for a while.

I tell Risa a bit about my work with the US senate and she tells me about her time abroad and her summer job during undergrad school where she worked at a bookstore.

I am especially thrilled to hear that she wants to study medicine and become a doctor. We laugh and hug right there on the bench.

Our emotions must be contagious because we look up and see a cute little dark brown Pomeranian dog waving its tail at us and seeming to smile.

Its owner whistles at it from across the park. The dog yips briefly, then runs back to its owner.

On the way back, we even stop at a convenience store that Risa spots, so she can stock up on snacks.

I smile as I remember how back in my college days, including medical school, how junk snacks got me through the long hours of studying.

Once Risa loads up on a few bags, we walk home and have dinner, then later on that evening we watch a movie on DVD, The Crucible.

•••••••••••••

Shivering in that hard courtroom chair with Nora Gannon's hand on my back trying to calm me, I open my eyes and struggle to sit up.

I feel the eyes of most of Llanview on me, judging me...for a long minute, everything is a blur when I do look up, so at first I can't see the faces clearly except Viki's.

Viki's pale blue eyes glare into me, boring icily into me with such a terrifying hatred that I feel a piercing pain shoot through my body.

I start to shake even harder when I see a horizontal bed of red fire coming toward me.

Burn the witch! Viki calls and several people join her. They stand chanting, Burn the evil witch! She killed Victor! She's an aging whore anyway.

To my absolute horror, Sloan is standing next to Viki laughing and pointing at me.

The fire comes closer and I have to cry out, trying to shrink back but stumble over the chair, falling over backwards into the wall.

A barred door clangs in front of me and I am terrified to find myself surrounded by a jail cell with that bed of fire in the cell with me right in the courtroom in front of everyone. More people laugh at me as the bed comes closer to me menacingly...

I wake up shaking all over and with a yelp. I fumble and manage to turn on the lamp.

I am immensely relieved to find myself in my comfortable bed in DC, but takes me a few minutes to stop trembling and for my heart to stop pounding.

In addition, I am thankful that my nightmare doesn't seem to have awakened Risa.

This is the first nightmare I've had in almost six months.

When I first arrived in DC, I had a few, but they gradually faded, especially once I settled in DC and was able to blend into DC far better than I ever did in Llanview and once I reunited with an old friend of mine, Zyon Stilvein.

Zyon and I had been close friends way back when we were in third grade together.

But sadly, Zyon and her family had to move away that January and I had been so heartbroken I'd cried for days.

Thankfully, we re-met when I was in med school and she was in law school.

We lived in different towns, but kept in touch with letters, then later through e-mails.

She and David Vickers each played important parts in helping me escape death row back in Llanview.

We happily reunited in DC after I arrived, but sad to say that that reunion was brief, only a year and a half of wonderful, deep, stimulating conversations about books, ideas, the world, the universe and just about life and where humanity was going.

We even took a trip to Italy, then Germany that April after I arrived in DC.

After Zyon died in a plane crash late last January, my nightmares reappeared for a few months as I grieved her death. She was one of my few close friends and I will miss her to my own grave.

Struggling to soothe myself, I decide to read a comforting book for a while. But I don't fall back asleep for the rest of the night.