Chapter 9

Dorian:

After a restful, quiet Friday night and wonderful Saturday with David and Risa, I arrive at twelve-thirty on Sunday and park at the large covered parking lot at Beltway Plaza in Greenbelt.

I like that the lot has a large roof...it's early October, but still quite sunny and rather mild...not summer-hot anymore, but still rather warm.

Since I'm a half hour early, I walk around the mall a bit, taking in the wide corridors and even gaze a minute at fall decorations in one of the specialty store windows.

Then I head over to Silver Diner and am seated by five minutes to one. Tina is often late, so I'm not at all surprised that she is not here yet.

Looking around, I see that it's more of a diner than a café and it reminds me of Carlotta's diner back in Llanview.

At one-twenty, I order lunch...a fish and beet dish, which turns out to be delicious.

I read a while, then check my e-mails and e-mail a few friends, including Carlotta.

I smile when there's an e-mail from Carlotta...she and Addie have been in touch.

Just as I thought, Addie is becoming active in Catholicism...I'm happy for her.

Carlotta and both of her sons are active in the Catholic church and sometimes do volunteer work with Catholic charities.

Carlotta's oldest son, Antonio lives in Gettysburg where he's just made detective and has two young daughters.

Her younger son Cristian, recently moved to Spain after accepting an art professor position in Barcelona.

I'm also glad to get an e-mail from my second daughter, Adriana, who is now living in Mount Vernon.

I'm glad that she's settled down after we went through several tumultuous fights during her teen years.

E-mails answered, I lock my phone and pocket it and people watch for a while, eating idly.

The old-fashioned clock on the wall over the front counter tells me that it's now one-forty...I smile ruefully at Tina's continuing lateness.

It used to drive Viki and Cord almost insane, although Viki and Cord are often late themselves.

I idly wonder what he's doing these days and if he and Tina are still married, although I really don't care.

After finishing my lunch, I order dessert...decaf coffee and cheesecake. I am trying to limit my intake of caffeine per a fellow doctor's recommendation due to my nerves.

Not wanting to take chances of Tina actually seeing my credit card information, I decide to pay and close my check early.

I let my server know that my companion will be paying separately in another check.

My Llanview days have taught me to be extra careful with my bank account information.

In addition for her trouble, I give the waitress a very generous tip since I see her warily eyeballing the empty seat across from me and probably wondering where my companion is.

Her eyes widen a bit when she sees my seventy-dollar tip and she breathes a soft, "Thank you, ma'am."

As she walks back to the front, I wonder if she is a university student struggling through college like I once was...she does appear to be in her early twenties.

Perhaps she is a student at the nearby Maryland U or at Prince Georges Community.

I'm licking off the last of the strawberry sauce off my fork when finally Tina shows up.

She's easy to spot with her flashy sequined pink designer suit, huge, gold glittery earrings and sparkly heeled designer sandals among the other customers, all of whom are casually dressed.

I myself dressed casually today...a brisk light blue oxford blouse, simple beige pants and low-heeled brown ankle boots, only a little eyeshadow for makeup and no jewelry.

Fork still in my mouth, I wave her over. As she approaches smiling widely, I slowly take the fork out of my mouth and just watch her, my eyes narrowed slightly.

I gesture her to sit and she does. Her pale blond hair, so much like Viki's, but straight with bangs, comes just past her shoulders.

"Dorian," she breathes, panting a bit, her large pale blue eyes bright. "So sorry I'm late...traffic is a nightmare even for a Sunday...and it took forever to find parking...I had to go around to the back of that monstrosity that calls itself a mall just to park."

Smirking a bit, I remember that the large covered parking lot in front of the mall was only half full when I parked and I know it hasn't filled up in under an hour.

Tina makes a face and looks around. The waitress comes to take her order. She orders a salad with loads of ranch dressing and a diet cola.

"I had to walk through that horrid atrocity of a mall just to get here," Tina babbles on. "And I felt like a fish out of water...didn't you feel weird going through that place full of creepy totally classless people?"

"No," I say.

Tina lowers her voice a bit, looking around. "There are so many odd people even in here...outside this place, these two guys with terrible hair and crazy tattoos just stared at me...it made my skin crawl...this is almost worse than Angel Square...Dorian, what on earth are you doing in a dump like this?"

"I like the fish and cheesecake here," I say wryly, quirking an eyebrow.

"Really." Tina sits back, her blue eyes widening. "Surely there are better places in Washington, especially on Congress Hill and around the White House that has fish and cheesecake."

Once again she has missed the wry tone in my voice. I'd almost begun to forget how thick and clueless she usually is.

"Tina..." I ask in the remote hopes of getting to the bottom of her monstrous pile of BS. "Why are you so interested in meeting me now?"

Tina looks taken aback for a moment and I stare at her, waiting.

"I came this way to apologize for my sister and for the things they did to you back in Llanview," she says. "Dorian, I've been victimized by Viki and her clique too, so you and me have a bond here."

"Uh. Huh," I deadpan.

"Yeah...and now Natalie's been so nasty to me these days," Tina goes on. "Roxy's been lording it over me that she has this huge successful nail salon.

"Viki re-married again...this rich banker from Port Charles...she's so greedy...remember how she tried to shut you and me out of our share of Victor's inheritance?"

I nod. Thinking back now, that sleaze's money really was not worth fighting over.

"She, Natalie, Roxy and their little clique now shut me out of things, including parties...somehow they now have me banned from the Palace hotel," Tina continues her complaints.

"And lately Marcie McBain hangs around them since she and her husband came back to Llanview...honestly that girl makes me sick with her fangirling all over Llanview's upper crust.

"And even Cord...he's been so distant with me lately...my own two kids basically shun me...I leave them all these messages, but they never answer and never return my calls." Tina sniffs and throws up her hands in a fine pity me gesture. "And just last week, CJ blocked my number and blocked me on Facebook and Twitter."

"I know how you feel, Dorian," Tina fawns. "You were a huge outcast, even Cassie didn't talk to you sometimes, everyone in Llanview hated you because you had all this money...and I believe you when you say most of your money came from successful businesses...please believe me, Dorian...I want to be your friend, so we're not alone anymore."

"I see," I say quietly.

I toy with my coffee cup, alternating between looking at those huge, sycophancying pale eyes of hers and at my empty coffee cup.

The waitress comes to collect my empty plate and refill Tina's coke. She offers me more coffee, but I decline.

"I'm so glad you understand, Dorian," Tina sighs, still clueless, not realizing that I'm not rejoicing or falling over in flattery. "I really desperately need somebody to talk to...I never told you this before, but deep down inside, I always admired your strength, even when Viki had you put on death row, even when your own daughter Cassie hated you and blamed you for her miscarriage."

"Mmm-hmm," I mumble, still toying with my cup and still not buying her tales.

"Luna was the last best friend I ever had," Tina sighs again, this time more dramatically. "You remember how broken up I was when she died so tragically that day in August 1995...I admired her...that huge spa business she had...she was a lot like you with running that business and having that radio show."

I have to stifle a snort at being compared to the likes of Luna Moody. She meant well, but was as annoying, shrill and loud as a yapping poodle.

I remember very well the New Year's Eve party at the end of 1992 how she and Max had a noisy argument in front of everyone over Max's fling with Blair among other things.

And that Serenity Springs mostly sold cheap crap from backyard grass...I know because out of curiosity, I once bought a couple of the herbs from there that late spring of 1993 after recovering from breast cancer surgery.

I suspect despite Luna proclaiming it to allegedly prevent cancer and magically make you physically fit, it was just squashed dandelion heads mixed with food coloring and backyard mud.

I admit that the bright yellow coloring made it look attractive. However, I've known since medical school that dandelions and mud do nothing to treat, cure or prevent cancer.

Most people in Llanview went only because of the whirlpool.

"Honest, Dorian," Tina pleads. "You both were so strong and smart...and good businesswomen."

"And...?" I lean back, my eyelids lowered, and just stare at her from heavy-lidded eyes.

"And...and...I'm opening a spa like Luna had," Tina sputters a bit. "Roxy and Viki are acting like best friends these days and Roxy hasn't shut up about how huge and successful her nail spa is even though she's still as trashy as a back ghetto street hooker.

"Even Natalie's gotten into the act," Tina huffs. "I thought I would have an ally in Natalie since everybody usually hates Natalie like they hate me...I thought she'd forgiven me for that mess where Jessica went Tess and locked her up twice...you did hear about that, didn't you?"

I had heard something about Tess drugging Natalie, but not about Tess locking Natalie up twice. I shake my head.

"Well, it turned out that Natalie blamed me for that first time, especially when Jess tried to blow her up...she was in that back room for months...by the time Viki finally noticed and she and the rescue workers got her out, she was about to have a breakdown...I tried to sympathize with her, but she never forgave me for not rescuing her."

I try not to think about the countless times I've been imprisoned in various places, including a dank, dark back cell in Statesville for several horrifying months.

"So, what is this business you're starting?" I ask, already tired and drained from Tina's tome of woe-is-me.

"It's a spa like Luna's," Tina tells me, swirling the ice in her seventh glass of diet coke. "And since we're friends again, you can be in it with me...we can both invest.

"And since you're so influential and in a position of real power with connections, you can talk up the business with the right people in Senate Hill in Washington.

"Just think, Dorian, this is your chance to blow Viki out of the water...and we can be best friends...won't that shock Viki and those country club stuffed suits...I'm surprised you haven't told your side of the story of the feud between you and Viki on social media."

Tina slurps the last of her cola. "Where are you these days online anyway? It's as if you vanished from Llanview's social pages."

"I've been too busy with far more important things in life to rehash that war with Viki," I tell her.

"Oh," Tina says. I think she was hoping for some juicy tale from me. "So...Dorian...you can invest some of your wealth to help.

"Are we on to launch the biggest, best spa not only in Llanview, but in America?"

She giggles and reaches out to playfully frisk my arm, perhaps hoping to take my hand in a "conspiratorial" gesture.

I stiffen and jerk my arm away, my heart beating faster, anger rushing through me and causing my brows to tighten and my back to go ramrod straight.

"No, we are off," I declare in a low, cold voice.

"Dorian!" Tina gasps.

"I'm really not interested in joining your latest scheme, we are not 'friends' let alone 'best friends' and we never were and no, I will not be a tool in any harebrained plan to get back at Viki or anyone else in Llanview."

I stand up and pull five twenty-dollar bills out of my purse and toss them onto the table to Tina.

Tina exhales noisily, her face growing red, then snatches the bills, crumpling them a bit.

"I was hoping you'd have a little bit of sympathy for me and all that I'm going through," she huffs. "If you don't want to help me with this business venture, fine then, but you could at least have a bit of room in your heart for the way I'm being treated...I'd think you of all people would understand and we'd be friends.

"And I thought you'd give me your new address since you are representing us in Llanview," Tina rolls on, her voice rising a bit. "But I guess you're too busy and high and mighty for us 'little folk' back home, including me...I was hoping to at least see your new house in Washington..."

"Oh, dear," I snark, managing to keep my voice low and even. "Perhaps I wasn't clear enough...I will not be hosting you or anyone in your elitist country club circle of hypocrites, including Viki and her cronies in my home at any time, not now and not in the future...have a lovely life and I hope never to see or hear from you again."

With that, I exit quickly. Twice I hear Tina shrieking my name and several staffers turn to stare at her, but I don't look back and I really don't care.

Let her make her own scene and drama on her own...I have retired from the Llanview circus.

Walking briskly toward the mall, I try to calm my beating heart. I'm inside the mall next to a pretzel place when I sit on a bench and realize that my hands are trembling and my stomach is in knots.

I close my eyes for a few moments trying to calm down. I instinctively know that Tina won't follow me.

I fight off a sensation of being in a lobby and try not to feel judgmental eyes staring at me, try not to hear the whispers about me, accusing me of being heartless or of being a gold-digging murderer, of being a "horrible" mother.

I clutch my handbag and open my eyes, looking around and force myself to look at people around me.

I force myself to land back in the present, to understand that I am no longer in Llanview, that no one here is looking at me, let alone looking at me with any blame, accusation or disdain.

No one here is whispering about me...to my immense relief, no one is even paying any attention to me.

I am here in a Maryland shopping center just outside of DC on a solid black metal bench. No one is coming to arrest me.

Viki won't be here, glaring hatefully at me...Sloan and Clint are both dead. I am in an everyday mall with normal people bustling about on their errands.

Some are standing in small clusters socializing in Spanish and English, but none of these people in this mall are old-money snobs.

Here and in the city I blend in more easily...I don't have to feel like a "low class trashy" person hiding under a nouveau riche exterior like I often did back in Llanview.

The mall itself is colorful and soothing. There are no stuffy boutiques here, no stuffed suits looking down their dainty noses at those they deem "beneath" them.

Here there is no one showing off trying to one-up each other and no one subtly glaring across the room at each other while hiding false smiles and fake pleasantries.

I don't know if I would shop for any new clothes here, but I think I'll likely come here maybe at Christmas for toys for the kids and maybe more of the mundane gadgets and everyday items.

I'm calmer now and I let out a slow breath...I'm safe here. I'm truly free here Llanview and I'm safe now.

There is no longer any need to be afraid, no need to live like a wary, cornered animal anymore.