Chapter 18: A Step Back

He saw her with new eyes.

Jas watched from the shadows as Vess tended to Bee Ten. The load lifter droid sat before the girl on the deck of the Gilded Claw. He had been damaged when the Taris security people had secured the ship.

Jas watched as the shadows continued to swirl both around, and through him.

The darkness felt hot…it felt like the promise of power.

Jas Day Bynn no longer desired to resist those promises.

He said nothing, did nothing to let them know he was there. He simply watched from the shadows.

He was thinking, listening…

The darkness had much to say.

It offered much, the dreams of lesser men.

All he had to do to have it all…was to stop fighting…

All he had to do was surrender to the dark side.

Accept what it offered, and say yes.

Yet, Jas had not made up his mind, not yet…

He knew what he wanted, but first…he was curious about the girl.

Vess seemed determined to get the droid back on his feet.

He was eager to see if she could do it.

Bee Ten was living up to his nickname. The droid was in bad shape; losing its arm and suffering severe damage to its primary motivators, leaving it unable to walk. How it had managed to drag itself back aboard was beyond him.

The Caetus troops had moved in, arresting Rior, and taking the ship, they had also allowed the repairs to be finished, likely planning to fly it back to their base. It had been a mistake on their part, but they hadn't realized that, not until it was too late.

Bee Ten had tried to stop them, but he had been overwhelmed, overwhelmed and locked down when they put a restraining bolt on him, but that hadn't saved the attackers when Mirax Fallenstar had arrived, she had dealt with them, both swiftly and mercilessly, and then went to Bee Ten and cut the bolt away. Once that was done, the bounty hunter had made off with the ship, getting both it and her to safety.

Impressive, he thought to himself, made even more so by the fact that Fallenstar had managed to turn around and seize the collective vessel less than a day or two later.

The power of the Force on display.

Yet, it was not Fallenstar that interested, Jas. She had been useful, sure, but the real prize was the cute little blonde before him.

A plan was starting to form in his head, guided by the darkness, he let it take shape.

So far, he liked what he was thinking.

Vess leaned down to examine the damage done to Bee Ten's arm. She had just finished patching up his motivators enough that the droid could walk again, and now she had turned to helping reattach his lost limb.

She nodded as the droid talked her through it.

Jas couldn't help be impressed.

Again, she shows her superiority and talent, something within him whispered.

He nodded.

A fascinating young woman to be sure.

The girl stepped back as she closed the last panel. She sighed and stretched. Her combat suit was pulled down to her waist, the sleeves tied around it like a belt. The small white tank top she wore left her toned abs glistening in the dim light. Vess' curvy, yet athletic form, had likely been the fantasy of many young Alderaani nobles.

Jas could certainly sympathize.

A beautiful sight, a sight that would get most men's blood pumping.

He would be lying if he said it didn't make his heart beat faster, the newly awakened darkness within him stirring with so many new desires.

He held them in check, they would not serve…not here.

Vess still unaware of his presence remained totally focused on the droid, her smile was expectant, hoping that the droid approved of her work.

"How does that feel, Bee Ten?"

The load lifter moved its arm, despite a slight squeak, it seemed to have full range of movement once again.

It nodded, satisfied.

"Thank you, Mistress Vessaria, it is functional…for now at least."

Bee Ten made the sighing noise that Jas had heard many times over the last eight years. Despite not being able to change his features, something in the way the droid moves suggested its permanent state of melancholy.

Its optics shown down on the girl before it.

"The least they could have done was order me to stand down, but NO. Those ruffians stormed the repair bay and blasted me before I even had a chance to respond."

The droid shook his head.

"Typical."

Vess stepped forward and laid a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry that you were damaged. It must have been very scary, all those men charging in and shooting at you."

The droid shook his head.

"It is my lot in life. I do my job until I can't do it anymore, and then…the scrap pile…"

Bee Ten sighed again.

"At least I have something to look forward too."

He rose and rolled his shoulders, his repaired arm squeaked loudly, so loud that it made Vess wince.

"Hope it doesn't fall off," she said dryly, "I'm no mechanic, Aunt Rehanna taught me how to disable droid systems. I never actually tried to put one back together."

"It is adequate," the load lifter assured her, "At least until Master Shusk returns…if he returns."

Vess smiled confidently.

"We will get him back. We have a chance now, Mister Jas knows where our crew has been taken, possibly Val too."

The girl practically beamed at the mention of his name, Jas felt an uncomfortable stirring in his stomach; though he couldn't say why…

"We WILL get everyone back, and we will end this nightmare," Vess proclaimed, "And then…we can all go home."

Bee Ten's optics blinked.

"And to which home will you go, Mistress Vessaria? Will the little queen return to Alderaan, or take her throne on Bantoon?"

The question caught her off guard, Jas could sense that.

He felt…confusion, anger, longing…so many emotions.

She gave the droid a sad smile.

"I…I don't know. I…I guess I'm going to have to figure that out."

Her confession struck Jas, for one brief moment his anger faded.

Poor girl, poor Vess.

Then, just as quickly, the darkness returned.

Vulnerable girl…we can use that.

He nodded.

Yes, he realized.

He could use that.

Droid and girl continued to converse, but Jas didn't hear what was said, he slipped out of the Gilded Claw, on his way back to the ship they had seized from the collective agent, Temm Yimm.

My ship, he thought with a hint of a smile, the spoils of war.

He looked down, in his hand he carried the girl's collective medallion, he had taken it from her broken corpse, and now…drew a certain strength from it. The cold smooth edges, stained with blood, it was a physical reminder of what had needed to be done.

And finally…he had had the power to do it.

It was necessary, show no weakness…

He understood that, but…at the same time…

He shook his head.

He…he had never hurt someone like that before. It felt…well…he had no words to describe it.

He felt both elation, and dirty, at the same time. Yet, it had been necessary, no more would his enemies have him at a disadvantage.

No more.

The darkness reached out to him, soothing him with its cold embrace, and the promise of certainty.

Yes…he needed certainty.

Jas found himself thinking back to how the spoiled brat had looked, in those final moments, after she had told him all he needed to know, before he had finally granted her the release of death.

She had resisted, but futilely, she thought her name and heritage would protect her, she had been a fool. He had no ties to Taris, or its business interests. So, he had showed no mercy. She had tried to threaten him with her father's wrath, but again, what did he care?

Daddy can't save you now, he informed her, and then…he began the peeling, and her angry snarls turned to wails of agony!

It had been…satisfying!

For Burr, and for Quire…the girl had suffered!

In the end, she had begged him to end it, to make the pain stop. He had finally granted her wish, though part of him had wished to keep hurting her, make her pay for her choices.

She had talked, that is what had mattered.

It was necessary.

It wasn't just about the information, the darkness was testing him, and he had passed that test.

She had been beyond lying at that point, the information she had finally given him, the location of the Collective's home base. He had barely been able to contain his excitement…at last…he had a target. For so long he had desired the chance to truly strike hard at the Sunset Collective, and now…he not only had the location, but a chance to free the others as well.

Everything is falling into place, the darkness within him whispered, and now…

…all you need to decide is…what's next.

"Yes," he hissed with a cruel smile on his lips.

He was looking forward to that.

As he made his way down the ramp, he felt the gentle breeze of Dantooine. The summer heat doing little to affect the cold that had wrapped around his heart. For generations the Jedi had used this world. It had been a training ground for many members of the order, going back centuries.

Yet, it had also felt the sting of the dark side as well. Exar Kun had trained here for a time, and later, Darth Malak had bombed the Jedi Enclave here, destroying it utterly.

Dantooine had been a testing ground for both sides of the Force, and now…he found himself being tested as well.

For the first time, he had more options in his life, far more than he realized.

The darkness offered much, and he was no longer afraid to listen.

Once the collective was done, he would need to become more than he had been, he understood that, he no longer wished to be a pawn in the Jedi' foolish games. Fortunately, the Force had offered him an option, one he had been resisting up to the is point.

Bantoon.

It was far more than simply a home for Vess and Val.

Jas smiled hungrily.

It was the perfect place, a place where he could start exerting his own power over the galaxy!

Helping Vess get her throne back was the first step, he needed to be close to the throne to accomplish his new goals. The Republic had been so accommodating, they had established both shipyards, and mining operations on the distant world.

Perfect.

Bantoon would be a perfect base. Accessible, but only by a single hyperspace route, easily defendable, and possessing enough wealth to fuel dreams of expansion. The people would be furious when they learned the truth about Vess' mother, and what the Republic was doing to their world. He could make good use of that anger, push them into opposing the forces that now sought to steal their resources.

Vess would not just have her people when she returned, she would have an army.

He would have an army!

He could use his underworld contacts to build up his new forces, get weapons and technology that the Republic would not be able to match. He could also reach out to the Mandalorian clans, get the people, and skilled trainers that the Bann would need to truly begin fortifying their world. The Jedi would question his actions, but by that point, he would be dug in, and Vess would serve as the perfect figure head.

The girl will be easily manipulated, the darkness whispered, her affection for you will make her a willing pawn in this most dangerous of games. All you will need to do is say a few sweet words now and then, and she will happily go along with whatever it is you are planning…

He nodded.

Yes.

…But you will need to be more than a simple advisor. You will need to accept Val's offer, as High General, and husband to the queen, you will have so much power behind the throne.

The thought of being Vess' husband no longer worried him, it was a means to an end.

Plus, it would be entertaining…educating the young queen on more physical acts of desire…

…it…would be fun!

Even now, his body warmed at the thought of all the things he could do to Vess, and he would enjoy making her enjoy them.

And if Vess or any other of the members of the matriarchy question your motives, the Force can be used to bend their will. You will be able to…

Jas paused in his tracks; his thoughts of future conquest interrupted.

Mirax Fallenstar was sitting on the entrance ramp of his new ship. The bounty hunter was blocking his path.

He held back his anger, it would not serve here. He tried to keep any edge out of his voice.

"Yes, what is it?"

Fallenstar looked up at him and smiled, she seemed relaxed, but through the Force, he could sense that she was anything but. She also had her lightsaber in hand. The weapon was unlit, but it was a small matter to correct that.

He tensed.

What was the woman doing?

How dare she put herself in his way?!

"WE need to talk," she said coldly.

He sneered at her.

"About what?"

"About what happened on Taris, about you torturing that collective agent."

His sneer turned into a cruel smile.

"You disapprove?"

"No," she shrugged, "Merely wondering why you didn't let me handle it. I was more than willing to do so, there was no reason for you to get your hands dirty."

He looked down at the collective woman's amulet, he could almost hear her screams, even here.

"She deserved to suffer for what she did to Burr and Quire."

"Probably," Fallenstar agreed.

Her acceptance shook him, he had expected her to condemn his actions.

What is this, the darkness within whispered, what game is the woman playing?

Be mindful.

"I ask again, Fallenstar, what is it that you want?"

She chuckled.

"I have a theory; I'm still working it out. It occurred to me on the way here, but I need you to test it for me."

What theory might that be?"

She grinned at him.

"You took a trophy, I see," she said gesturing to the medallion in his hand.

He shrugged and looked down at it.

"I wanted to throw it back in the First Speaker's face, when I finally confront the old fool. I want him to realize how weak his agents are…how easy it is to destroy them."

Again, Fallenstar nodded.

"And what about the girl's suicide implant? How did you keep her from triggering it?"

"She didn't have one," he replied with a sneer, "And…I looked, made sure, just in case."

The memory of that came back, it had been in the beginning of their chat, and it had set the stage nicely…"

It had been fun to look.

"I see," Mirax Fallenstar replied, looking down at the lightsaber in her hand.

Jas glared at her; he was getting angry now.

He still had so much to prepare before they left, and it felt like she was wasting his time.

"If you have a point…please make it."

Fallenstar merely shrugged.

"So, let me get this straight, you caught an agent of the Sunset Collective, one who knew not only what they were planning, but also the location of their secret base; a girl that wasn't even given a suicide implant, despite all the information they had given her. They trusted a novice with undisciplined Force powers to try and bring a trained Jedi in, and all they gave her to attack you and Vess with were droids and hirelings?"

Jas started to open his mouth, but stopped.

They had underestimated him, and his power. They thought him easily defeated. They thought him weak…and…and…

That doesn't sound like them.

The thought stopped him in his tracks, it might have been his conscience, or his Jedi training taking over, the darkness tried to get him to ignore it, but he…he couldn't.

Fallenstar…Miri…she had a point.

He…he considered what she was saying.

I know the Collective, he thought, I know how they operate, she isn't wrong. Temm Yimm, what she had tried to do, how poorly she was prepared, it…it didn't make sense.

She was weak, the darkness chimed in, trying to bring him back where he needed to be.

She simply bent to your power.

Part of him, wanted to believe that, needed to believe that, but…then again…

He knew his enemy.

It…this…it didn't make sense.

Mirax looked up at him and smiled.

"You're starting to see it, aren't you?" she asked.

Jas shook his head.

"No," he hissed, "No…you are trying to distract me, you are trying to lie to me."

"I've never lied to you," she answered, her expression radiating concern, "I won't start now."

She rose from where she had been sitting, she still had her weapon in hand, but she didn't activate it.

"I know what you are going through right now, Jas. The anger, the rage, and the power that it brings…I…I felt it too. It is not an easy thing to cast aside."

She crossed her arms, letting him see her weapon.

"You need to stop, take a deep breath, and…step back. You need to let the light back in."

He sneered at that.

Right.

She is trying to distract you, the darkness whispered, she wants you to be weak, so that she can control you.

That thought made his temper flare.

"You don't know me," he spat back, "You don't know what I'm going through."

"Are you forgetting who you are talking to?" she asked him, "I'm Mirax Fallenstar, remember, failed Jedi Padawan, crazed bounty hunter. I'm a murderer and a thief, I've done horrible things for my clients, and once…I considered doing something far worse."

She gave him that sly mad smile he remembered from their duel on Corellia.

"I told you a bit about my origins, about the governor that murdered my master, and left me for dead. Did you know that I considered doing more than simply giving him over to his people? I still can hear the whispers, Jas, the promises. The darkness offered me much, they offered me the chance to take over the colony. I could have bent those people to my will. I could have started building my own kingdom."

"Yet, you stopped yourself," he hissed.

"I did."

Coward, the darkness wanted him to say, but what came to his lips was an entirely different word.

"Why?"

Fallenstar paced before him, he could feel her own pain, the memory she was bringing up, it wasn't a pleasant one, not for her.

"Why didn't I act? Because, if I did, it wouldn't have been true justice. I was no more worthy to rule those people than the man I deposed. I…I didn't want to the subject innocent people to my anger."

She was a coward the darkness within him said, she was weak.

He felt contempt, but didn't show it.

He still needed her.

Fallenstar shook her head.

"I can only imagine what you are feeling now, what the dark side is offering. You have to turn away from it, Jas. It is the only way to save the others. It is the only way to help Vess."

He shook his head.

"You know nothing," he said, "Only through this power will I be able to save the others. I'm too weak otherwise."

"That is what the darkness wants to think."

"What are you afraid of," he asked, "Are you afraid that I will kill all the collective members before you get a chance to enjoy yourself?"

She frowned.

"No, I'm worried that you will go into that place, and they will make you and offer, and you will accept it.

She sighed.

"I'm worried that you will join the Sunset Collective of your own free will."

Jas blinked.

He…

What?!

"You think that I would actually join those people?"

"In your current state…yeah."

"That is absurd!"

"Is it," she asked.

Slowly she began to circle him, he felt her defenses going up. He hadn't even realized he had pulled his lightsaber from his belt.

Part of him wanted to attack her, to shut her lying mouth, but…

But…

"What happens if this First Speaker guy offers you Targo's head? What if he offers to return Val and the others to you, and all you have to do, is keep Vess safe and under your thumb?"

He sneered at her.

What a vivid imagination!

"You think that I would do that?"

"I think that is what the collective has wanted, from the beginning," she replied, "You believe they are interested in Vess' home world. If they already have some deal with the kid's aunt, this would be an excellent way to ensure that whoever wins between the Istillo family, they come out on top. Either they maintain control of Vess, or her aunt, it doesn't matter…"

Fallenstar gave him a sad look.

"To control Vess, all they would need is to control you."

"You're forgetting one thing," he reminded her, "What stake would Targo have in this?"

"I've thought about that," she assured, "And in that moment, in the moment you give in and join the collective, he will be in no position to stop you."

"Targo Sei is a ruthless Murglak, Jas, but a master strategist, he is not. This whole "revenge game" thing that he has been playing with you, it doesn't make sense."

"You think the Collective put him up to it?"

"I think they made him an offer, his hatred of you probably blinded him to what they're really after. Everything we have seen up to this point has been to frustrate and anger you. I no longer believe that this game is about Targo's revenge. You said it yourself, you have been chasing the collective since you rejoined the order. They know that, and after your fight with their Hand on Alderaan. I think they have decided to switch tactics."

She sighed.

"They know that you have attachments, and that you have wrestled with the darkness in the past. I think they see the chance to make an enemy an ally. I think they have found a way to guarantee that someone on their side is involved in the Bantoon succession."

Jas shook his head.

She was wrong!

She was lying!

She had to be!

He would never…

Yet, the more he thought about it, the more it made sense.

He…he…

He shook his head.

No.

NO!

He turned away, he was furious, his hand tightened on his lightsaber.

He wanted to shut her up, to make her pay for making him even consider this.

Kill her, the darkness within said hungrily.

Shut her lying mouth.

She doesn't understand!

Fallenstar kept her weapon in hand, but she made no aggressive moves, he sensed no aggression from her, only worry and concern.

"You know that I'm not a big fan of Char Valenthyne," she said, "What do you think she will do when she finds out you are manipulating her queen? You think that she will put up with that, a Dark Jedi making a fool of Vess. You think…"

Jas had heard enough.

No one would stop him, not even Char Valenthyne.

The words came flowing out like so much venom.

"I'D KILL HER FIRST! VESS IS MINE TO CONTROL! ANYONE WHO TRIES…"

The words came without thought, they had been spoken in a moment of rage. Jas started to raise his lightsaber, he…he…

I'D KILL HER FIRST!

The words echoed in his brain.

He WOULD do it.

He would kill her.

He would kill Val!

Jas heard the words, felt the anger in his voice, he truly heard them, those words…he…he…

He blinked.

What?

It felt like someone had poured a bucket of cold scummy water on his head.

He found himself standing before Fallenstar, ready to ignite his lightsaber! He wanted to kill her for making him think such things, and…and…

He took a shuddering breath and fell to his knees.

He…he…

"No," he whimpered, "No, no, no…"

His weapon fell from his hand.

"I…I won't do it."

"I won't."

He looked up at Fallenstar, no…Miri, and in that moment, he saw her again, not with the lenses the darkness had put over his eyes, but as she truly was.

He…sobbed and held his head in his hands.

What he had been about to do.

NO!

He was horrified, ashamed of himself.

"I'm…I'm a monster," he moaned.

He looked up at Miri, there was no judgment in her eyes, only sadness, and understanding.

"Kill me," he murmured, "Just…kill me now."

It was what he was, he realized.

It is what he deserved.

Miri though…had other ideas.

She put down her weapon, put it down and leaned down next to him.

She embraced him, held him like a sister would a brother who was in pain.

"It's okay," she murmured.

"I'm here. You're not alone."

He didn't fight, his strength had fled with the shadows.

He simply sat there, and let her embrace him, and all the while he sobbed pathetically.

He hated himself, and in that moment…he was ashamed.

He was not sure how long they were like that; he could feel her reaching out through the Force, soothing him.

I don't deserve it, he thought, what I wanted to do.

I'm…not worthy.

"You're not alone," she repeated, "A Jedi is never alone."

Her words surprised him, made him pull back.

"I'm not sure that I've ever been that, a Jedi. I don't think I'll ever be that again."

He shuddered.

"I've taken my first step down the dark path. I'm…I'm lost."

"Do you really believe that?"

"It is what the council says."

She snorted at that.

"I know what the council says," she replied, "The only thing that would make them happy is that every Jedi in the galaxy remained a good little younglings forever; that a Jedi never knows fear, anger, or doubt."

She sighed.

"The galaxy isn't like that, Jas. You feel. You fight, and more importantly, you find things worth fighting for. As for not being able to comeback from the darkness, if you think that is true, then why did you help me back on Corellia? Why did you and Mondar take the risk?"

"Because…you were hurting, you weren't evil. I thought that you were worth saving."

She nodded, a small smile on her lips.

"And…I believe that you are too."

He looked up at her then, truly looked, and for the first time, he saw something in her eyes that he hadn't seen before.

He…saw hope.

"It won't be easy," she informed him, "You will bear the scar of what happened on Taris for the rest of your life. You will likely even see that girl's face in your nightmares. The only advice that I can offer you, is the one that Coop gave me when he found me and took me in."

"What…what did he say?"

"That I do better, that I seek to be better."

Jas considered that.

She wasn't wrong, it would not be easy. Temm Yimm, what he had done to her, that was a part of him now, but…could he do it? Could he come back from this?

Miri believes in me, so…maybe…

He gave her a fatalistic smile.

It wouldn't be easy, but…nothing good ever was.

"It feels like I'll never be anything more than a padawan," he said shaking his head, "That I'll always be learning from others."

He sighed.

"Have I been your student this whole time, Master Fallenstar?"

His comment made her scoff.

"The day that council needs me to be a Jedi Master…well…that is the day that the galaxy is karked beyond all reason and hope."

Her words made him chuckle.

She was selling herself short.

Miri Fallenstar was a far better a person than she realized.

She had been worth saving, and maybe…so was he…

He took another shuddering breath.

He…he knew what he needed to do.

"Tell Vess that I won't be back tonight. I need to get away for a few hours, meditate, find my center again. If we are going into battle, I can't afford to be weak before the dark side."

His eyes turned cold and determined.

"If we do this, I need you to promise me something, if I start to go dark again, if the Collective starts turning me to their side, I will need you to protect Vess, and make sure that I'm not a threat to her. You will need to stop me…"

"They can't force you to go dark, Jas, that is a choice you must make on your own. The Force guides you only so much, in the end, you always stand on your own two feet."

He considered that, it was possible, but still.

"Regardless, promise me, please."

Miri sighed, but in the end she nodded.

"Okay."

He nodded and got to his feet.

"Don't worry," he told her, "I'll be back before dawn, before we have to leave."

He glanced over his shoulder; he saw Vess watching him from the Gilded Claw's boarding ramp.

He…he tried not to think about what he had been planning, what he had wanted to do.

He had to keep her safe.

He had too.

He walked faster, he needed to get away, cleanse himself of this darkness.

"If you need us, come back to the ship," Miri called out, "Remember…"

"I know," he said with a sad smile.

"I'm not alone."