In those days, Kon and Mara appeared to be in their early teens due to accelerated growth. They were "loosely" supervised by Brainiac 5 drones and ignored nearly entirely by their parents. They mostly stayed out of the public eye, taken to various secret locations around the planet. This was to prevent any enemy from being able to kidnap them and use them as blackmail leverage against Kara and Mon. It was also to prevent Kon and Mara from causing too much trouble intentional or not. The two of them had Super Insane powers, capable of destroying the planet if they unleashed their full potential.
Coincidentally, Kon and Mara were in a vacation home in the forests of California when alien visitors arrived. The saucer-shaped ship was the size of a bus and managed to land on the planet undetected. Inside the ship was an artificial environment of fauna and mushrooms which the aliens presumably ate to get high. The aliens in question were short at 1 meter and had brown wrinkling skin. They were semi-humanoid with arms and legs, a building torso, and a wide head. The aliens were capable of speech but communicated mostly through telepathy. When they did, their chests glowed red and made a cooing sound. Several of these aliens scavaged around the landing site collecting planet samples and ignoring human civilization. One of the "special" aliens wandered off into the forest and proceeded to get lost. He managed to come across a hill overlooking Los Angeles, a bright city in the darkness.
Brainiac 5 security drones were immediately on the spot forcing the aliens to flee. Most of them except the "special" one quickly boarded their ship. The "special" alien ran in terror screeching like a weird-ass pig as he fled from the security drones. The drones immediately went after him. It was relatively easy to chase after this alien as he screeched the whole time and gave off his location with his glowing torso. As it happened, the "special" alien was going in the wrong direction leading the drones away from his ship. The alien ship then took off leaving their "special" comrade behind. The drones continued looking but the "special" alien managed to get away from them.
Meanwhile, Kon went outside to meet with a pizza delivery guy. Upon taking his pizza, he noticed a slight sound in his backyard. Using his super-hearing, he casually walked around the backyard and began scanning the dense forest. He quickly noticed the alien and placed his pizza box on the ground as bait. He then quickly ran into the house.
"Where's the pizza?" Mara asked as Kon rushed inside.
"Forget the pizza. I just saw a fucking alien," he said wide-eyed. Mara rolled her eyes unimpressed. "It's out there," Kon insisted.
Kon joined Mara outside and found the pizza box opened and ruined. "Look at those," Kon pointed out the footprints. Mara scanned the dense forest and shook her head. The two advanced into the forest and followed the tracks. They finally came upon the alien in the thick vegetation. Kon's hand glowed as he used it as a flashlight. Upon being discovered, the ET gave a screech and ran off.
"Holy shit," Kon laughed.
"We must find it and quarantine it," Mara said reasonably.
"It doesn't seem very intelligent," Kon considered.
"Impossible. If it's an alien scout, it must be hiding its true intellectual abilities," Mara reasoned.
"I have the perfect bait," Kon said seriously.
Kon and Mara took turns taking watch for the alien to come back. Kon was taking a nap in the backyard in a chair when the alien came by. The alien aka ET walked up to Kon cautiously. "Holy shit," Kon said amazed. The ET dropped some M&Ms on his lap, the ones Kon had used as bait in the forest for him. Kon got the message that ET wanted more, so he baited him to come inside the house with more of them. ET obliged entering the house and eating the M&Ms. Kon then lured the ET into his room which was filled with metal compartments, a bed, and a workstation filled with miscellaneous electronics.
Kon stared at the ET and quickly discovered the ET was imitating him. Kon proceeded to give the ET the middle finger which he then promptly imitated. "You are one ugly mother-fucker," Kon smirked.
Kon made sure to lock his room and then fell asleep in a chair trapping ET inside.
The next morning, Kon nonchalantly had breakfast with Mara. "So...I have the thing in my room," Kon told her.
"Let me see it!" Mara said instantly.
The two entered the room with Mara scanning for it. "Come out!" Mara said and then clapped her hands rattling the room. The ET screeched, held up its hands in panic, and then ran into the closet.
Kon and Mara entered the closet where they cornered the ET. "I'm keeping it," Kon said, treating it as if it were a pet.
"Is it a boy or girl?" Mara wondered.
"Definitely, a boy," Kon said.
"How do you know?" Mara asked uncertainly.
"Cuz I saw that it has a penis," Kon said obnoxiously.
"He needs to wear some clothes then," Mara said dryly.
"We need to keep this a secret from everyone, even Mom," Kon said seriously.
"This planet and we are under continual surveillance," Mara scoffed.
"I mean the part about him being an illegal alien," Kon clarified.
Kon and Mara sat ET down to eat some random vegetables and fruits. The ET immediately began to munch on them without difficulty. Kon showed a hologram of the planet to ET. "We're here," he said, pointing to the Los Angeles area. "This is where we're taking you," he said, pointing to Las Vegas.
Mara gave Kon an uncertain look and then took the hologram map from him. "This is our solar system," she said showing ET the Sol system. "This is the Terran Sector," she said zooming out to show several star systems. "This is the Alpha Quadrant of our galaxy," she said zooming out further. "Where are you from?"
ET answered by pointing his finger out the window and then continued eating. "Not the smartest alien we've come across, is he?" Kon mocked. ET then used his telekinetic abilities to float some fruit objects into the air showing the make-up of his solar system.
Mara eyed the objects intently and tried to find the appropriate system. "It could be here," Mara said, focusing on one particular system.
"We must engage in cultural exchange," Kon said resolved, and then handed ET a coloring book that featured random animals and words associated with them. Kon and Mara watched as ET looked over the coloring book.
"You're giving an alien an elementary school coloring book?" Mara questioned.
"He may not be that smart. Maybe, he's a worker bee that only knows to push buttons," Kon theorized.
ET then surprised them both by causing some flowers in a pot to bloom early. "Some kind of miracle worker," Mara considered.
"We must test his abilities," Kon proposed.
Kon and Mara drove ET toward Las Vegas in their speeder car, a car that hovered above the pavement and could be controlled by an AI system. The speeder was high-class but didn't give anything away that the occupants were royals. ET was dressed in a trenchcoat and hat. Kon obnoxiously messed with other drivers by shouting and making funny faces at them during the entire drive. Mara took the opportunity to get some driving training, albeit illegally.
"Am I good to exit?" Mara asked.
"Yeah, you're good," Kon nodded.
Mara went for the exit nearly slamming into a semi-truck. Mara immediately self-corrected with Kon laughing hysterically and ET screeching in fear. "That's not funny. We were nearly slightly inconvenienced," she scolded Kon.
"You should have seen your face," Kon laughed.
At a fuel center, Kon was on guard with ET while Mara got some snacks. "Sweet ride," a random elderly citizen said to him, completely oblivious he was talking to the prince of Earth.
"Don't touch it, don't even look at it. Move along. Get out," Kon told him off. "Don't look at me either."
Inside the store, Mara noticed Kon's altercation with the old man. "Is that your brother?" the store clerk asked her.
"Unfortunately," Mara nodded.
"Is he all there...mentally?" the store clerk asked concernedly as Kon chased the old man away outside.
"He's Insane," Mara explained.
"Should I be worried?" the store clerk asked as Kon created an energy orb in his hand in the middle of several fuel towers.
"No...well...maybe," Mara replied.
"Do your parents know you're here?" the store clerk asked.
"No, we lied about where we are," Mara said flatly.
"Don't you find that a bit queer?" the store clerk asked.
"Yeah, I do, but it's not worth the fight," Mara said somberly.
Back on the road, Kon looked over his datapad of card-game strategies. "I bet ET is a genius. While he's counting cards, I'll be his spotter," Kon volunteered.
"Gambling is illegal for our age," Mara pointed out.
"It's not gambling if I know I'm going to win," Kon said confidently.
"That's an equivocation fallacy. It is, in fact, the action of gambling according to the legal definition," Mara refuted.
"Fuck the law," Kon said unconcernedly.
"We're the royal family. We make the law," Mara reminded him.
"I didn't make shit. It's all thanks to Mom," Kon said resentfully, preferring a world of pure anarchy.
"ET will need to be super-smart to count cards," Mara doubted.
"I bet he's one of those retards that's socially awkward but has super-memory skills," Kon figured.
Mara gave him an annoyed look and then called a casino in Las Vegas. "This is Kara Zor-El, I'd like a hotel room, please, with an extra large bed, a TV, and a refrigerator filled with non-alcoholic drinks," Mara said with a perfect voice impersonation.
"Holy shit, absolutely!" the receptionist replied.
"Charge it to my account," Mara ordered, still using Kara's voice, and then hung up.
Mara, Kon, and ET drove to Las Vegas and checked into Kara's Palace Casino and hotel. The three of them entered the lobby and approached the front desk. "Sup?" Kon greeted obnoxiously to the receptionist.
"How can I help you?" the receptionist asked, not recognizing him.
"Reservation for El," Mara interjected.
"For just you three?" the receptionist asked confused.
"We're too young to be making a hotel reservation. Think about it," Kon said rudely.
"I'm confused," the receptionist admitted.
"We're traveling with our mom. She's at a meeting. She dropped us off here in the lobby. She expects your hotel to give us the highest level of hospitality so it behooves you to give us a room now so we don't get into mischief," Mara said smoothly.
"And we do get into mischief," Kon said wide-eyed.
"Speak for yourself," Mara told him off.
"I can put you in a two-bedroom suite on the twelfth floor," the receptionist said, hoping that would be enough.
"No, that's shit. I want a villa," Kon demanded.
"A two-bedroom suite will be fine," Mara argued with him.
"No, I don't want to bunk with Mr. ET here," Kon disagreed. "What am I, twelve?"
"You wish you were twelve," Mara mocked.
"Is there a villa available?" Kon asked the receptionist.
Mara took Kon aside away from the receptionist. "Mother is going to check her account," she pointed out.
"If she checks her account, which she won't, we're fucked whether we get the villa or the two-bedroom suite," Kon countered.
Mara and Kon then went back to the receptionist. "If your mother is staying at our hotel, we'll evict any guest to make room for her," the receptionist assured them.
"Fine," Mara relented.
The three of them entered the villa hotel room on the top floor. The hotel room was larger than an average apartment with a dining room, kitchen, piano, bar, and windows that overlooked the entire strip. The room had three bedrooms and two bathrooms. "Pick a room, let's get dressed," Kon said ready to roll.
Feeling anxious, Mara called her mother to provide a satisfactory backstory. "I love the house you assigned us for this week. It's so quaint, no TV, no phones, just antique radios from the 21st century."
"Glad you're enjoying yourself. I'm off to save the world...again," Kara said from San Francisco
"Alright, got to go eat a salad now. Love you," Mara said and then hung up.
"So embarrassing," Kon mocked as he entered the room.
"This is a mistake. We shouldn't be here. We're only four years old. We should be doing what Mother tells us to do like good children," Mara said distressed.
"That's bullshit and Mother is a complete bitch," Kon said disrespectfully.
"That's Mother you're talking about," Mara said offended.
"She beats us," Kon pointed out.
"She beats you and it's because you're always out of line," Mara corrected. "Mother is strong-willed and I respect that."
"Wow, shocking betrayal," Kon said dismayed. "Mother is a crazy bitch and you are in denial."
"This room is probably bugged and Barney can hear everything you're saying," Mara said paranoid.
"I don't give a fuck. Are we ready to let the dog out?" Kon asked referring to ET.
Kon, Mara, and ET exited their rooms to have fun. Kon and Mara both wore black pants and jackets with no rank. Generally speaking, citizens didn't wear rank when they were not on duty thus giving the false impression everyone was equal outside the workplace. Additionally, Las Vegas was a quasi-autonomous zone. While the workers were under the Imperial system with ranks, capitalism was permitted and controlled by several oligarchs. Kara was one such oligarch utilizing the planet's wealth and resources, converting them to currency, and then controlling significant stakes in the libertarian capitalist utopia. Kara was three levels of fantastically wealthy. On the first level, she was the head of state allowing her to move resources around according to her every whim and billions of drones she supposedly "owned" to give her whatever she wanted on the pretext of good governance. While corrupt as fuck, there wasn't much the world governments could do about it. On the second level was Kara's pay grade of O-17 which put her roughly 10x the resource allocation of the lowest pay grade. Kara used this second-pay level most often when referring to herself as a woman of the people and denigrated past CEOs who made 300x their workers. On the third level, Kara converted her first and second-level resource allocations into hard currency to become fantastically wealthy in capitalist autonomous zones on Earth and other worlds. She also made a fourth-level income by singing for packed audiences at Kara's Palace Casino.
Generally speaking, customers and clients all paid for products and services with real currency of various kinds with zero taxation. This allowed talented capitalist investors to become insanely rich without exploiting their workers or influencing the political structure of the region. Other such zones were permitted in places like Paradise Island in the Bahamas, Singapore, Monaco, Atlantic City, and Macau.
Kon pushed the up button as they entered the elevator. "We're going up?" Mara questioned.
"Yes, we are," Kon confirmed.
The three of them ventured onto the roof and saw Las Vegas in its splendor. Centuries ago, a plague nearly wiped out mankind resulting in all the evil people coming to Las Vegas to be in league with the anti-Christ and then they all got nuked...or so they say. Kara had Las Vegas rebuilt and then put her creative stamp on all the casinos and hotels.
Kon then took out a bottle of liquor and some shot glasses. "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas," he smiled.
The next morning, Mara found herself on the floor dazed and confused. Various beer bottles and glasses of champagne littered around the hot tub. Inside the hot tub were pig balloons and soap fuzz. A chair was smoking from being lit on fire, a bowling ball and pins were present down a hallway, a rooster roamed around aimlessly, beer cans were stacked into towers, lamps, and chairs were hanging from the ceiling with sheets, and random tourism items were all over the place in every room. The entire villa was a complete mess.
Kon got up from sleeping behind the bar and went to the bathroom to take a leak. He couldn't help but notice a tiger in the bathroom. "What the fuck?" Kon wondered. Spooked, he quickly exited the bathroom. "Don't go in there. There's a tiger in there," he informed Mara.
"And so it is," Mara said as she scanned the room with her X-ray vision.
"What the fuck happened last night?" Kon wondered.
"What are we going to tell Mom? I have no idea what happened," Mara said anxiously.
"You're freaking me out. Calm the fuck out," Kon rebuked.
"Look around you. How am I supposed to calm down?" Mara said, on the verge of tears.
"Where's ET?" Kon wondered.
"He's not here," Mara realized as she scanned the room for him.
"Well...shit," Kon sighed.
Kon and Mara met up in the pool area. "I've scanned the whole casino. He's not here," she reported.
"He's fine. He's an alien scout. Probably, special forces. He can take care of himself. Stop worrying so much," Kon said dismissively.
"You said he was a retard," Mara recalled.
"Let's talk about the last thing we remember," Kon said, changing the subject.
"We were having shots on the roof," Mara said.
"Then, we had dinner, did some gambling, and went to the bar," Kon listed off
"I don't remember any of those things," Mara said blankly. "We should just ask Barney where we were. He's always tracking our movements."
"No, we don't get him involved. He'll snitch," Kon disagreed.
"He'll snitch regardless," Mara said.
"He's a 'don't ask, don't tell' kind of guy. If we don't involve him, he won't say shit," Kon predicted.
"Then, what do we know?" Mara asked.
"I got a valet ticket at 0515," Kon said, taking it out of his pocket.
"And I have a wristband from Las Vegas General," Mara noticed.
"Alright, let's get our car and do some detective work," Kon said, ready to go.
Outside Kara's Palace, Kon and Mara waited for their car to come up. As they did, they couldn't help but notice a mattress sliced through one of the hotel's statues. "That's weird," Kon noted.
The valet then brought over a police car instead of their actual car. "Wait...what?" Mara wondered.
"I'd say it's an upgrade," Kon grinned.
Kon took the wheel while Mara fidgeted anxiously. "This is so illegal."
"We're royalty and superheroes. We can do whatever the fuck we want," Kon said wide-eyed.
"We can fly. Why are we stuck in traffic?" Mara asked.
"This is cooler," Kon said as he started driving on the sidewalk and using the intercom system to force pedestrians to move out of his way.
At the hospital, Kon and Mara had a chat with the doctor on duty. "You came in high as fuck, unable to articulate why or how you needed assistance," the doctor revealed.
"How many of us were here?" Mara asked.
"The two of you and another guy. He was short, wrinkly, brown-skinned, kind of retarded-looking. Some kind of alien," the doctor replied.
"Was he okay?" Mara asked concernedly.
"Fine as far as I could tell," the doctor shrugged. "He did have his heart completely exposed and glowing which slightly concerned me."
"When did we arrive?" Mara questioned.
"I don't really have time for twenty questions. I have surgery on the fourth floor," he shut her down.
"We're fucking royalty...and we would be grateful if you could tell us more," Kon said with intense eyes.
"Alright, you came in at 0245 with a mild concussion and some bruising," the doctor said.
"How is that possible? We're invincible," Kon said arrogantly.
"Your blood work just came in. Apparently, there was Red Kryptonite in your system," the doctor said seriously.
"How is that possible?" Kon asked confused.
"I wouldn't worry about it By now, it's out of your system," the doctor said dismissively.
"Do we talk about where we were going or had been from?" Mara asked.
"You guys talked about a wedding," the doctor said vaguely. "Best Little Chapel."
Kon and Mara immediately drove the police car to the chapel using their smartphones to locate it. The wedding planner immediately greeted them with smiles. "How you doing? I got to tell you something. I've known some sick fucks in my life but you're the craziest, wildest bastard I ever met in my life," he said of Kon.
"Of course," Kon smirked.
"What's going on, you crazy mother-fucker?" the wedding planner asked him.
"What happened here last night? Was there a wedding?" Mara asked seriously.
"Yeah, and we're looking for our ET friend," Kon added.
"The small guy, like a monkey?" the wedding planner recalled.
"Tell us everything," Mara requested.
The wedding planner then showed them a photo album of Mara and ET getting married. In the pictures, Mara was uncharacteristically happy and loose while ET looked like his usual demeanor. "You look happy at least," Kon remarked.
"That's it. My life is over," Mara said, going into an existential crisis.
"Look, shit happens," Kon downplayed. "Mother isn't going to know anything about this. This never happened. I'll take care of this."
"Here's your marriage package," the wedding planner said bringing them caps, cups, calendars, and other crap.
"We need this marriage annulled ASAP. You do that?" Kon asked him.
"Of course I do. Breaks my heart," the wedding planner said sadly. "But I need the monkey alien boy."
"Who else knows about this marriage? Did you file it with the system?" Kon asked.
"Not yet, but, of course, I am legally obligated to," the wedding planner said awkwardly.
"Here's the thing. We're really really underaged. We're both 4 and even with accelerated growth we're not even teenagers," Kon pointed out. "And our friend, ET, I don't know what his age is but he's obviously retarded."
"So?" the wedding planner wondered.
"So...you married two people of another species, one of which is underage, and the other being retarded, while they're both high. Doesn't that sound like malpractice?" Kon pointed out.
"Look, I give you a fair price to annul the wedding but only if you bring the groom here to sign," the wedding planner said.
"Of course," Kon nodded.
Kon and Mara exited the chapel with all of their stuff and put it in the trunk of the police car. Kon then fired a beam into the chapel destroying it completely and killing the wedding planner. "Well, that solves that problem," Kon figured.
"I don't know who I am anymore," Mara said subdued. "Apparently, I'm the type that marries complete strangers."
"ET isn't a complete stranger," Kon corrected. "It's fine. I torched everything."
Mara then got a call from Kara. "Don't answer it," Kon hissed.
"I have to. She's called twice," Mara said and then took the call.
"This is the third time I've tried to call you two. What the fuck?" Kara raged.
"Reception is bad. We need a better phone," Mara said lamely.
"Did you two behave yourselves last night? No noise complaints this time?" Kara asked.
"Quiet but good," Mara said vaguely. "I'm learning all about tractors."
"Alright, make sure your brother doesn't do something stupid," Kara said. Las Vegas cops then surrounded the two of them with guns out.
"I'll make sure of it," Mara winced. "Okay, got to go."
Kon and Mara were brought to the station in handcuffs with the cops oblivious to their identities. The two of them were brought into an interrogation room. "We should do what our first cousin once removed did and talk with these guys for a few moments, then talk to the one-sided glass because we can see through it, and then snap our handcuffs off. It'll be so cool, holy shit!" Kon said excitedly.
"Kon, shut up," Mara snapped as the cops entered the room.
"So, we got some good news and some bad news," the lead cop said to them. There was an awkward silence between them all. "We found your car. It's at impound right now. We picked it up at 0500 parked in the middle of the Las Vegas strip."
"That sounds pretty queer," Kon remarked.
"It is. It is pretty queer," the lead cop agreed. "The bad news is we can't get you in front of a judge until Monday morning."
"Yeah, how about no," Kon disagreed. "I need to be back in Los Angeles by now."
"You stole a police car," the second cop pointed out.
"I didn't steal it. I found it," Kon excused. "If anything, I should get a reward, a trophy, a medal."
"I see kids like you every fucking day," the lead cop said disappointed. "You think you can do whatever the fuck you want."
"If I may, that's exactly right," Kon confirmed. "I'm royality. I'm a big fucking deal. Now, it would look bad on all of you if anyone found out Prince Kon-El managed to borrow one of your police cars and go for a joy ride with it. I think we can work out a deal, discreetly, of course, where you apologize to me for all this inconvenience. What do you say?"
Kon and Mara exited the police station no harm no foul and went to the impound lot. "Ha! I'm telling everyone we stole one of their cars," Kon declared.
"You can't just steal cop cars and then abuse your royal authority because you think it's funny," Mara scolded.
"Mother gets away with it...every single time," Kon pointed out.
"I'm worried. What if something bad happened to ET? What if he's dead?" Mara asked worriedly.
"Who gives a shit?" Kon rolled his eyes.
"Why hasn't he called us?" Mara wondered.
"He's retarded. He can't even operate a phone," Kon said derisively.
"Make up your mind. Is he a special forces scout or a mentally handicapped alien monkey?" Mara demanded.
"Yes," Kon nodded seriously.
"It can't be both," Mara rebuked.
"I'm more concerned about the state of our car," Kon said honestly. A valet then drove their car up to them, still in perfect condition. "Well, okay then," Kon said pleased.
On the way back to Kara's Palace, Kon and Mara heard some pounding from the trunk. "What the fuck?" Kon wondered.
"We have to pull over," Mara insisted.
"Not here," Kon said, looking around.
Kon ultimately drove the car out into the desert where there would be no witnesses. "I'm having so much fun. We should come back next week."
"No, we should focus on getting ET back," Mara corrected.
Kon and Mara got out of the car and cautiously opened the trunk where they found an ordinary human with a gag in his mouth. Kon dumped the human on the ground unimpressed. "Is this some kind of joke?" he wondered. "Who the fuck is this?"
Mara took his gag off. "What's your name?" she asked him.
"It's Doug," he said noticeably peeved.
"Why are you in my trunk?" Kon demanded.
"I am your drug dealer," Doug reminded him.
"You gave us Red Kryptonite?" Mara questioned.
"Red what?" Doug asked incredulously.
"How do we know you?" Mara asked.
"We were shooting craps, remember?" Doug reminded her.
"No, I don't remember because someone gave us Red Kryptonite," Mara glared. "Red Kryptonite removes inhibitions from Kryptonians and humans alike making them reckless, evil, and dangerous."
"There you go again with that. What you ordered from me was Gold Kryptonite to wipe your memories and give you plausible deniability," Doug said.
"You must have mixed up the bags," Mara insisted and then searched him. She found a bag with a gold powdery substance. "This means...everything we did...was our own doing. We weren't under the influence of Red Kryptonite," she said horrified.
Kon laughed amused. "Looks like you have a wild Insane side to you, after all."
Mara tossed the bag aside, not wanting to even be around it. "When did we take this?"
"On the roof of Kara's Palace," Doug replied.
Mara eyed Kon and then nodded. Kon went over to Doug. "Our mistake. We shouldn't have falsely accused you and we shouldn't have put you in the trunk of our car," Kon said to him.
"Damn straight," Doug agreed.
"However...you did sell drugs, Gold Kryptonite no-less, to children who happened to be of the royal family," Kon pointed out.
"Hey, man. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas," Doug assured him.
"Absolutely," Kon smiled and then incinerated him on the spot.
The two went back to Kara's Palace and rushed to the roof. "ET!" Kon and Mara shouted as they looked around. "Where you at, ET?" Kon shouted.
"He's over here!" Mara said, finding him.
"Too much lead up here," Kon sensed as he looked around.
"You okay?" Mara asked ET.
He merely grunted and cried out in distress. "He looks slightly browner than before," Kon noted.
"Last night we got married, but it wasn't real. We got it taken care of," Mara said vaguely.
"Look, we're wasting time. We need to do some gambling," Kon said urgently.
"Phone home," ET said glumly.
"Yeah, later," Kon assured him.
Kon and Mara dragged ET to their fucked-up hotel room and put him in a suit of sort. They then brought him to the gambling floor under the assumption he was a card-counting genius. They could also claim he was an adult. Kon and Mara watched mesmerized as ET played various card games and totally lost all their money.
"Well...shit," Kon muttered.
After spending the equivalent of $80,000 in 21st-century money, Kon, Mara, and ET sheepishly retreated from Las Vegas back to their cottage in California. Immediately, law enforcement cars went after them. "I'm never going to get my license after this," Mara frowned as she tried to evade the fleet of law enforcement vehicles after them.
Mara drove onto a playground and came to a stop with the cops in hot pursuit. "Let's fly," Kon said taking ET in his arms. The two then took off into the air until they reached their cottage. Coincidentally, ET's ship also came down at the same time.
"Home," ET said as the ship came down.
"I just want to say goodbye," Mara said tearfully.
"You, good...," ET said to her.
"Is that a question, a description?" Kon wondered.
"Thank you," ET said to him.
Three ET scouts then exited the ship to get their lost comrade. "Wow, that retard we left on Earth somehow came back to the landing spot," the first one said derisively.
"ET phoned home," ET said to them.
"What are you calling yourself ET for, you spaz? Your name is Kleborp," the second one said.
"Kleborp, the retard," the third one clarified.
The three scouts took hold of ET and brought him onboard as he screeched and held his hands up in panic. The ship then closed up and took off.
"So, I was right. He was both," Kon said to Mara.
The next morning, Kon and Mara got chewed out via hologram from Kara. "What happened to you, two? Why aren't you returning my calls? What the fuck is going on?" Kara demanded.
"We went to Las Vegas," Mara said truthfully.
"Las Vegas? Why would you go there?" Kara asked stunned.
"We were giving this alien retard a tour of the planet. That's what royality does. They host alien visitors and give them a good time," Kon explained.
"That's not what you do!" Kara shouted.
"Oh, really? Then, why did we do it? Because, we did it," Kon said obviously. "All you want me to do is whatever you want me to do. In a healthy parent-child relationship, a kid should be able to do whatever the fuck he wants."
"No, that's not how this works. That's not how any of this works," Kara said pissed off.
"Well, whatever this is isn't working for me," Kon said stubbornly.
"You're an idiot, Kon," Kara said disappointed.
"And you're a bad person, like, all the way through your core," Kon critiqued.
"I'm too angry to deal with your nonsense so I'm giving you two over to Barney," Kara said and then signed off.
"We're in so much trouble," Mara said distressed.
Brainiac 5 arrived at the cottage and took over the study. In an obvious power move, he summoned Kon and Mara to his office at his convenience. Unlike Kara, Kon and Mara actually respected Brainiac 5's wisdom, experience, and cut-throat logic. They also knew what he was capable of and that he knew everything. They awkwardly entered Brainiac 5's office ready to get chewed out.
"You wanted to see us?" Mara asked.
"Yeah, have a seat," Brainiac 5 told them. "You had me worried for a moment there. How was Vegas?"
"It was crazy," Kon said wide-eyed.
"I know," Brainiac 5 said, giving nothing away. "Enjoy the car?" Brainiac 5 asked.
"Yeah," Kon and Mara nodded.
"Let me ask you a question...how can a cake cost fourteen thousand credits?" Brainiac 5 asked.
"Inflation, it is a bitch," Kon smiled.
"Uncle Barney, about the trip...," Mara said lamely.
"Your mother already scolded you. I told her not to. I wanted to be the one to tell you," Brainiac 5 said cryptically.
"Tell us what?" Mara asked.
"Careful, your mother can't be trusted. Only I can be trusted," Brainiac 5 said seriously.
"That is awesome!" Kon eagerly agreed.
"Consider the expense you incurred in Vegas as an early birthday gift," Brainiac 5 said to them.
"Thanks, Uncle Barney," Kon and Mara said adorably and got up.
"Close the door behind you," Brainiac 5 ordered.
"You, the man!" Kon said as they exited.
"Close the door," Brainiac 5 repeated.
"Yeah," Mara said as she pushed Kon out of the room and closed the door.
As soon as they did, Brainiac 5 inspected a visual hologram of surveillance shots of the two while they were in Vegas. After going through them all, Brainiac 5 had them all deleted.