Daryl

Fresh and clean from a shower, I decide t'sleep in my boxers and undershirt. It ain't because I feel safe. I'm just too damn tired to care to put on my jeans. I lay them next to my boots on the floor next to the bed. I can't wait to take a load off. Turnin' around, I stare down at the bed, wonderin' if I should sleep on top of the covers. I go back and forth, tryin' to decide what's right.

"Screw it." I pull back the covers and slide on in. I'm exhausted and it's gettin' colder out. Plus, if that damn herd escapes from the quarry and runs this town to the ground, I ain't gonna die not knowing how it feels to actually sleep in the bed with Beth. The herd at the quarry looms over us like storm clouds. We know it's gonna rain, we just don't know when.

We just got back this afternoon. The first stop we made was Deanna's to talk t' her and Rick. Deanna made us record what happened out there. Why, I don't know. It ain't like those damn tapes are helpful. After that, Beth insisted we stop at the infirmary. She wanted the new doc, Denise, to take a look at my leg. I complained, limping, the whole way even though my leg hurt like a sum'bitch. Denise complimented Beth on her stitches, then proceeded to tell me to take it easy for a couple of days.

Rick met us there as soon as we were done, he told us t' go home and rest, everythin' else could wait until tomorrow. On one hand, I'm thankful. I'm beat and I know Beth is too. But on the other hand, I want us to sit down and figure this shit out now. Rick said he'd go with a couple of the others to look at the quarry so he can see what we're workin' with. I don't think we've ever seen a herd that big. I ain't got the slightest clue what we're gonna do. I know we will figure it out though. We always do.

I hear Beth's shower cut off. She's been quiet ever since the attack. I don't know what's goin' on inside that pretty lil' head of hers. She does that though. When we run into some trouble, she gets quiet afterward. I guess it's just her nature. Her way of processin' it all. She did it back at the farm, after the prison, after Grady, and after Noah. She seems to be okay though. She's still smilin'. Even after all the shit we've been through, she still has that light inside her. She's so damn tough. Before the prison fell, I couldn't see it. Then when it was just us, I started to realize she's a lot like Hershel. He was tough but fair. He saw the good in people and tried to find the good in e'ery situation. Beth's like that. I used to hate it. But turns out faith is contagious. It's hard not to be hopeful 'round her. It makes me want to do better and believe better. Bein' so damn negative ain't done shit for me. But bein' hopeful has. It helped me keep lookin' for her, it helped me admit my feelin's for her, and it helps me believe in the life we can have here.

I see her appear in the doorway. Her long blonde wavy hair is slightly damp hanging over one shoulder. The other shoulder is exposed. She's wearin' one of my tshits and doesn't look like much else. My eyes wander down to her sleek legs and cute feet. I look back up and see she's smilin' at me. "You look comfy."

I shrug. "Yep."

She giggles as she climbs in bed and snuggles up into me. Once she's got her body pressed almost completely against mine with our legs all tangled up and her head in the crook of my neck, she sighs deeply. "Feels good to be home."

Home.

I used t' hear people say dumb shit like home ain't a place, it's a feelin' or home is where the heart is. I always thought it was all bullshit but maybe they were right. I never thought this place could ever feel like home. Sure, it's got a bed and a bath but it's still a cage. At least that's what I first thought when we got here. If I'm bein' honest, ain't no place ever fully felt like home. But after scoutin'… pulling the car inside the gate… bein' back in our house… surrounded by all of our family… it's pretty damn close.

Maybe home ain't a place. Maybe it's a person. Because in this moment, with Beth next to me, I ain't never felt more at home in all my life. I'm only truly comfortable or at peace when she's here. Maybe she's my home.

"Yeah it does." I kiss her forehead and we both drift off to sleep within minutes.

The next morning, I wake up before the sun rises. Old habits die hard especially when we have a herd of walkers chompin' at the bit to escape from the quarry down the road. How did these people not know that it was there? I climb up the stairs slowly. My leg hurts but it's better than yesterday. I find Rick in the kitchen. He's got a map in front of him.

"Mornin'."

Rick looks up from the map. "Mornin'. You sleep?"

I nod. "A lil."

His gaze is thoughtful. "How she doin'?"

"A'ight. Better now that we're here. She gave them hell."

Rick nods. "How're you? You seemed pretty shaken up."

"They got the jump on us. It all happened so damn fast. Just wished I could've seen it comin'." I admit.

Rick's eyes bare into mine with determination. "It ain't on you." I don't say nothin' back. I should've known somethin' was off. Hell I did know somethin' was off but I kept us goin'. I didn't think we were walkin' into a trap. "I know y'all killed the ones you came across but there could be more out there. We need more watch points. And I'm gonna tell Deanna that we don't need to go looking for people anymore."

His words take me by surprise. I guess they shouldn't. But I don't know if that's the right thing. Like Beth always says they're still good people. Sure we encountered some scary assholes but we need more people. Safety in numbers and all that. Rick watches me closely. "You feel different about it?" He challenges.

Normally I don't argue with Rick. Never have a reason to. He and I are always on the same page most of the time. But he's wrong 'bout this. "Yeah I do."

"Well people out there, gotta take care of themselves, just like us." I don't push back any more. His mind is made up.

He and I get to work on workin' out a plan. Pretty soon, Michonne, Glenn, and Abraham join us. By late mornin' we got it all worked out. Rick and Michonne leave to go talk to Deanna about all this. When they return, they tell us we have to present the plan to the whole community. We will need volunteers to pull off somethin' this big. I hate the idea of bringing these people along but we can't do it without them. They need work though. They're all so damn soft. Inside cats. It'll take time to get e'erything in place. Maybe by then we can train them enough to where it'll be okay.

I step outside for a smoke, I can see through the window into the kitchen. A few minutes later, I see Beth with Lil Asskicker. She's feeding her some lunch. Beth smiles brightly at the baby and I can her makin' sweet noises but can't make out what she is sayin'. I can't help but grin watchin' them. Beth's eyes find mine and her smile grows. God I love that woman.

Beth's gonna wanna come on this mission. But I don't know if I want her to. We ain't never attempted something this big b'fore. I need to know she's safe. When we ran into the wolves and I was fightin' that one, it was hard to concentrate. I kept needin' to know she was alright. The cut on my leg happened because I looked away from the asshole for just a second. I heard a slap and Beth yelp in pain. I had to look. I saw her body spin, then I saw red, then a blade slashed through my leg. Thankfully he didn't get me good but if he'da gotten me a little higher then he'da got my artery. I'll say one thing for the asshole, he could fight. It all happened so fast, yet so slow at the same time. I would land a punch enough to knock him off balance, then I'd check on Beth. Sometimes I would just listen for her behind me, other times I'd look. When I saw that walker on top of the wolf tryin' to get to her, I forgot about myself. I threw my only weapon to save her. I'd do it again. I don't want to live in a world where there ain't no Beth.

If this plan goes south, I would feel better knowin' she's here and safe. It's not like I don't think she can handle herself. She's proven that she can. Time and time again. But if I am to lead thousands of walkers away on my bike, I need to have 100% of my focus on the mission, on stayin' alive, and comin' home to her.

I watch her take Lil' Asskicker to the other room and I put out my cigarette. I'm gonna have to talk to her. She ain't gonna like it. But this is the way it's gotta be. I make my way inside the house and find her in the livin' room with Rosita, Maggie, and Carol. I silently get her attention and nod my head to the basement stairs. I'd rather do this alone where no one can hear. It ain't none of their damn business no way. She nods and excuses herself. I can hear her soft footsteps following me to our room. I stop myself in the living area of the basement and wait for her. A moment later, she appears at the bottom of the stairs with a sweet smile.

"Hey." She says sweetly.

"Hey."

I keep fidgeting because I am nervous. She can tell. Her smile fades into a look of worry. "What's wrong?"

"You hear about the meetin?" I ask, knowing she already has but it's an easy ask to get the conversation goin'.

She nods. "Yeah. Rick's presenting the plan to the community and getting volunteers."

"Yeah." I say in confirmation.

She hesitates, unsure of what to say. "So… what exactly is the plan?" I give her the shortened version that we came up with this mornin'.. She listens to the entire thing. I can tell she doesn't understand fully what I am sayin'. "Okay. Multiple teams to keep the walkers on the road and we are leading the walkers away on your bike?"

I shake my head. "Nah, not we. Me."

Her eyes darken. "If you think, I am gonna let you do this alone, you got another thing coming, Daryl Dixon."

I knew she would fight me on this. "Your ass is stayin' here."

"Like hell it is, I am coming with you! I told you, you're not doing this alone."

I huff in frustration. "Nah, you ain't. And I won't be alone. There will be a car followin' me."

Her hands cross in front of her chest. "A car which I'll be in."

"Dammit woman! No you won't. You're stayin' here and that's final." I demand.

"Thats' final?!" She yells at me. "You're not my father. You don't get to make these kinds of decisions for me!"

"Like hell I can't. I'm your fiance. I get some say. Don't I?" I spit right back at her.

She bristles up even more at that. "This isn't how this works! You don't get to boss me around."

"Then how does it work?! It don't matter what I say to you. You're still gonna fight me tooth and nail every step of the way." I rub my hand over my face.

She shakes her head and tears form in her eyes. "That's not true! If you would have talked to me about all this, then I would have at least listened!"

I growl. "This is me talkin' to you about this, dammit!"

She takes a step toward me. "No this is you telling me what I can and can't do. That isn't how this works. We are supposed to talk things through and decide things… together."

Hmph. I decide to keep my mouth shut. Ain't like me talkin' is helpin' the situation none too much anyways.

After a few minutes of us just starin' at each other, Beth sighs deeply, lowerin' her defenses. "Why don't you want me to come?"

I shrug. "Just don't."

She rolls her eyes. "That's not good enough answer. If you want me to stay, you need to tell me why."

I turn away and rub my face again. She knows I ain't good at this shit. Communicatin'. Deja vu hits me hard. You don't have to be good at it. You just have to tell me how you feel. She said that the day we were trapped in the grocery store. The day we got together. If I tell her, will she get it? She has no idea what she means to me. How much I need her. I'm afraid if I tell her, she won't understand. She'll get pissed off because I messed up sayin' it somehow. I ain't never been great with words. I turn around to face her. She's givin' me the same look as before. Her eyes are beggin' me to open up. Just tell me how you feel. It ain't that easy. Is it?

I gotta try. "I need ya here. Safe."

Her expression softens a lil'. "I'm safest when I am with you."

I shake my head. How could she possibly think that? With me, she was taken. With me, we ran into the wolves. With me, she almost died. Because I couldn't protect her. "Nah. You ain't."

She takes a step toward me. "Daryl… I can take care of myself."

Her hand reaches for my arm but I pull it away. "I know ya can. But I don't want you to. I need ya here. Safe. We will need people here, protectin' the others."

Her ocean blue eyes look into mine with a sadness, I ain't seen b'fore. "Is this how it's gonna be from now on? Me being sidelined all the time? Because you're afraid of me getting hurt? First it's this mission. Next will it be I have to stay here when it's time for us to go scouting again?"

Her words stop me in my tracks. Is that what I'm askin' her to do? Nah, it's not like I don't want her to never go out there anymore. I think it's good for her and for me. Ain't no one got my back like she does. Sure with the wolves my focus was split. I was worried. Maybe that's just my own shit I need to work through because I know if didn't throw my knife, she would have gotten herself to safety. I just was so afraid. Plus she saved my ass right after I saved hers. When the wolf pushed me into that walker, my strength was givin' out. With adrenaline, I probably would have been able to fight it off but I was definitely runnin' out of gas. I don't know how much longer I could have fought off the Wolf. She killed the Wolf and the walker for me. Seein' her standing in front of me, in one piece, it felt like I could breathe again. The thought of somethin' happenin' to her, messed me up. That fear I felt is too fresh that's why I don't want her to come. I think this plan will work but too much could go wrong. For this time, even though I don't like us being separated, I think it's what I need.

"Nah. Course not. I… this… shit. I ain't trying to lock you in here like Cinderella. But what happened with the Wolves... It's my own shit, my own fear. It ain't cause I don't believe in ya. I don't believe in myself to stay focused with you there. So I'm askin' that you sit this one out. Let me work through my shit while you stay here and protect everyone else."

Her face is hard to read. Her eyebrows are furrowed together like she is tryin' to put pieces of puzzle together. "So it's just this once?"

I nod. "Yeah."

She crosses her arms and pouts a little bit. I know she's upset but she looks cute when she makes that face. "I don't like it."

I reach out and rub her crossed arms. "Didn't expect you to."

I pull her into a hug. She uncrosses her arms and melts into me. It feels good to hold her especially after fightin'. She sniffles. I guess the tears she'd been holdin' in, she finally let them go. The sound of footsteps above us distract me for a second. Then the sounds of Lil' Asskicker cryin' reverberate off the ceiling. Beth pulls away. She wipes her eyes and looks up at me. It's quiet downstairs but we hear someone call out lookin' for Beth.

She rolls her eyes. "I ain't done talkin' about this… but it sounds like I'm needed up there."

I nod in agreement. What else she wants to say, I don't know but I've said my peace. Maybe she needs to still say hers. She gives me a sad smile then turns and walks up the stairs. Lil' Asskicker cries stop as soon as Beth starts singin'. I need a smoke. I grab my crossbow and head out onto the porch. The nicotine fills my lungs and calms me instantly. I hate arguin' with Beth. She's a pain in the ass with how stubborn she can be but I know I ain't no picnic either. When I go back inside, I find Lil Asskicker in Carol's arms. The lil' angel sees me and reaches for me to hold her. I gladly take her and look around for Beth. She ain't no where in sight.

Carol sees me lookin' and says, "She disappeared upstairs with Maggie a few minutes ago."

I look down at her and nod. I appreciate her tellin' me. Worry creeps up with what exactly those Greene sisters are discussin' up there. I'm sure Beth is telling' Maggie all about the fight. On one hand, it pisses me off to think they're up there talkin' 'bout mine and Beth's private business. On the other, I know she is just needin' someone to talk to 'bout it all. Someone who can give her some advice. I stay in the livin' room with Carol and Lil Asskicker waitin' for them to come down. They don't appear until right on time to leave for the meetin'.

One look at Beth, and I can see worry in her eyes. Maggie and Gleen also look concerned. My eyes meet Beth's and I scrunch my eyebrows in a silent question. She shakes her head as she walks closer to me. Whatever it is, she can't tell me right now. Maybe it's just left over emotion from our fight. I close the gap between us and place my hand on the small of her back. I wanna show her that I'm still here. It's still us in this together. She looks up at me and smiles at the physical contact. I smirk back at her and move my hand to intertwine with her small delicate one.

When we get to Deanna's the place is crowded with Alexandrians and our people. Ricks already here with Michonne close by. Glenn and Maggie take a seat on the sofa. There ain't much room but I want to sit near Rick. So I guide Beth over to the back wall just behind Rick and Michonne to a cushiony armchair. I gesture for Beth to sit but she shakes her head again. I give her a look but her no nonsense gaze keeps me from pushin' the issue further. If she ain't gonna sit then I will. The moment our hands separate, I immediately miss the contact, the connection.

She's standin' beside the chair. I want to keep touchin' her, but don't know what I need to do to communicate that to her. I hate feelin' disconnected from her. I rub my chin and look 'round the room. She must be missin' the connection too because she leans a lil' against the chair. I reach out and touch the small of her back and kinda put my arm around her lower back. My left hand touches her left hip and I gently pull her to me even more. She looks down at me and I give one single nod of my head that I'm okay with more affection. She sits herself down on the arm of the chair. Her left hand finds mine on her hip and she plays with my fingers before she holds my hand again. Normally I would hate so much PDA but we both seem to need it after the fight. It feels amazin' holdin' her close and I just can't find it within me to give a shit if we have an audience or not. Rick and Deanna are gonna be runnin' the meetin', ain't no one gonna be payin' us too much mind. And if they do, screw 'em.

The meetin' begins with Rick layin' out the situation. One of the dudes from the group that came while we was gone speaks up about findin' the quarry early on. He says there was originally a camp there and that they musta blocked off the exits with the trucks. Maggie speaks up and asks if they've been back since. He shakes his head and explains all the places worth scavenging were always in the opposite direction. Outta sight, outta mind. It's clear the Alexandrians don't get why it's dangerous to leave the quarry like it is. Michonne quickly tells them that the noise is drawin' more and more walkers to the quarry. Then Rick reveals one of the trucks blockin' the exits is close to givin' way. One more good storm and we have all those walkers headed east aka straight for us.

"It ain't about if it gives, it's when. It's gonna happen. That is why we need to do this soon." Rick says solemnly.

Carol pretends she is terrified like the rest of the Alexandrians. She supports Rick and adds that this seems to be the only way. Some of the residents nod along agreein' with her, while others look too scared to have an opinion. There's one though that looks at Carol like she's grown a second head.

He speaks up. "What if we build up the weak spots? I worked with Reg on the wall. I could draw up some plans. The construction crew could try to make it safe-"

Rick interrupts, "The sound is drawing more and more walkers in, buildin' up the exits won't change that."

Deanna finally chimes in after being quiet and having her back turned the entire time. "We're gonna do what Rick says, the plan he's laid out."

Rick nods and continues, "We're gonna have Daryl lead them out." As soon as he says my name, Beth's hand grips mine a lil tighter on her hip and I can feel everyone's eyes fall on me.

Thankfully it don't last long because the watchful eyes travel to the next voice that speaks up. Sasha. "Me too." She looks directly at Beth. Ain't no one said nothin' but I'm pretty sure they all heard us fightin' earlier. "I'll be in the car right next to him." She turns her attention to Rick. "I'll keep them comin' and Daryl will keep them from getting sloppy "

Abraham volunteers next. "I'll go with her. That's a long way to be white knucklin' it solo."

Beth shifts uneasy next to me. I look up at her and play with her fingers like she did mine earlier. I hold my breath thinkin' she is gonna announce she's goin' with them but she never does. Her eyes look down at me, sad and I'm startin' to regret askin' her to stay behind. She tears her eyes away from me when Rick talks again.

He tells everyone there will be two teams. One on each side of the forest to help manage the walkers. He lays out the watch detail, telling everyone who's out. Then he asks for more volunteers. Michonne immediately steps up. I see everyone look around waitin' for someone else to speak up. Glenn and Maggie whisper to each other, Maggie nods then Glenn lock eyes with Beth from across the room. She gives them a small smile and a subtle nod. Suddenly I feel like I'm missin' somethin' important. What the hell is all that about? Apparently after seein' Beth's silent agreement, Glenn volunteers next, then Gabriel.

"There's got to be another play. We can't just control that many." The argumentative Alexandrian pleas with whoever will listen. I grunt in frustration. Beth scolds me with a nudge and a silent look.

I'll give it to Rick, he's got more patience than I do. He calmly explains again. "I said it before walkers herd up. They'll follow a path if something's drawing them. That's how we can get them all at once."

The asshole questions Rick. AGAIN. Beth huffs a breath of air so it's my turn to nudge her for gettin' annoyed. "So what? We're just supposed to take your word for it? We're all supposed to fall in line behind you after…" He trails off. Pussy can't even say it.

Rick stands up straighter and the air thickens with tension. "After what?"

"After you wave a gun around, screaming, pointing it at people. After you shoot a man in the face. After you-"

Deanna turns around. "Enough!"

The asshole looks like he got slapped on the wrist by his mommy. He stays silent. More Alexandrians volunteer. Even the slimy shit who tried to kill Glenn, Nicholas. Rick looks at Glenn, then at Nicholas and asks if he's sure. The curly haired prick says he's sure.

Eventually Rick nods. "We will make this work. Keep this place safe. Keep your families safe. We will."

The asshole, Carter interrupts. Again. "The plan. Go over it again."

I've kept my mouth shut too long so I sigh. "Man, he just said it."

He looks back at me unfazed then to Rick with a defiance I ain't never seen before. "Every part. Again. The exact plan."

When the meeting adjourns, a group gathers on Deanna's porch to discuss the barricades. I decide to sit this one out. They don't need me so I follow Beth back home. She and I gotta finish our talk from earlier. Hopefully this time there will be less yellin'.

When we are in the safety of the basement, Beth sits on one end of the couch and I sit at the opposite end. We are sittin', I guess that is good. She tucks some hair behind her ear then looks into my eyes. "I ain't comin'."

I'm surprised. She was so adamant earlier. "What changed your mind?"

She asked me that a long time ago, back at the funeral home.. I couldn't say the words but she knew. Lookin' at her now, I know too. "Oh."

"If that's what you need from me, I'll do it. I ain't happy about it, especially since your back up is the suicide squad. But if you need me here, I'll be here, waiting."

She looks so sad. I appreciate her willingness even if she don't fully understand it. I just know if she's here, she's safe. Even though I know she can take care of herself if shit goes south. I nod in acceptance. She interrupts my train of thought. "But it's not the only reason." I study her and wait for her to continue. "Maggie might be pregnant. She didn't come right out and ask me to stay behind with her… but I am not going to leave her here… all alone, scared."

I don't know what to say so I just repeat dumbly. "Maggie might be pregnant?"

She nods. There's a crease in between her eyebrows that only appears when she is really worried. "Yeah. There are no tests here. Glenn is going to go on another run in a day or two to see if he can't find one. But she's late and has several symptoms. But we don't know for sure."

I nudge her with my leg. "You okay?"

Beth shakes her head. "Yes. No. I don't know. People have been havin' babies long before the end of the world."

"Maggie's strong. It'll all work out. Ya just gotta have a lil' faith."

Beth laughs in disbelief and looks at me with a sweet smile. "You're right, a little faith wouldn't kill me, huh?"

I grin and pull her to me. She gladly accepts my offer to hold her. We stay like that for a long time. Eventually she falls asleep. My mind still is reelin' from everythin'. The quarry. The plan. The fight. The meeting. Maggie. A baby. When did everythin' get so complicated?