Beth
It takes almost an entire month to get everything ready to lead the walkers out of the quarry and away from Alexandria. We've been busy. Not only with all the preparation but with Carter. He tried to organize a mutiny against our group. Eugene overheard him with Spencer, Tobin and a couple of others, he was plotting to kill Rick. Eugene, being the klutz he is, knocked over something and almost got himself killed when Carter discovered him. Thankfully for him, Rick and Daryl came in just at the right time. Rick put together quickly what was happening and held Carter at gunpoint. Daryl didn't say much but I could tell he didn't like the whole interaction.
"Y'all walked in on him about to kill Eugene? Oh my God." I say in disbelief.
Daryl nods. "Yeah. Rick flipped the script pretty quick though. Not even a minute later, Rick was the one holdin' the gun and Carter was the one on his knees, beggin'. Dude was scared shitless. All of 'em were."
I can tell by his expression something is bothering him. "What is it?"
Daryl's eyes dance around the room and he shakes his head slightly. "Nothin'. Rick let the weasel go… eventually."
"Eventually?" I ask.
Daryl rubs his chin then nods. "Rick just let 'im sweat longer than I thought he would is all."
Daryl loves Rick. Rick's like the brother he never got from Merle. Merle was so much older and so different from Daryl. Their relationship wasn't easy to say the least. But with Rick, they are closer in age and always so in sync with each other. I think the times they aren't in sync worry Daryl.
He also doesn't like that Rick has put a stop to us scouting for now. He and I talked about it a lot. I see both sides. The herd at the quarry is the number one priority right now. But just because we had one bad go of it doesn't mean we should stop looking for people. There are plenty of people out there who need a place like this and we need them. Who knows? We could find more families or kids who are orphaned, like Enid, or another doctor. Denise is great but she never got the chance to truly practice medicine. She was still in college when the world ended. She helped Pete some but still has lots to learn. Daryl said he told Rick he didn't agree. But it just wasn't sitting well with him.
"Why don't you try talking to Rick again?" I encourage him gently.
"Nah. His mind's made up." Daryl shrugs.
"He respects your opinion. He might change his mind if you talk to him."
The next day at one of the barricade sights, we were all working and I heard him tell Rick that us going out to find more people was us taking care of ourselves but it was Rick's call. Then he simply walked away leaving Rick to sit there with it. I couldn't help but beam with pride when I heard him tell Rick that. Daryl took my advice. He stood up to Rick for something he believed in. I watched Rick look around and he caught me smiling, realizing I heard the conversation.
"Is this your influence?" He asks in a playful tone.
My smile grows wider and I shrug. Rick gives me a grin and I giggle and get back to work.
Aside from all that, there was the situation with Maggie. At the time of the meeting, we weren't sure if she was pregnant or not. Glenn and Daryl went out a couple of days later and got a few pregnancy tests and some prenatal vitamins (just in case). I wanted to come too but I figured I needed the practice of being separated from Daryl.
The whole time they were gone, I was on edge. I tried to remind myself that we used to be apart all the time. But that was before. Before the prison fell. Before we escaped together. Before he became the most important person in the world to me. Before we fell in love. When I was taken, it felt like I wasn't whole anymore without him. The moment he and Glenn exit the gate that feeling came back, hitting me like a ton of bricks.
The guys have been gone a couple of hours and that hollow feeling I felt when I watched them leave is stronger than before. With each passing hour, it gets more and more intense. It's overwhelming. I look at Maggie, she looks perfectly fine. But then again, she's always been stronger than me at controlling her emotions. I wish I was more like her. After four hours, I finally break down and ask. "How do you do it?"
She turns and looks at me, confused. "Do what?"
"Stay so calm when Glenn's away?"
Her eyes soften at my words and I have to look away in shame. I need him. Maybe too much. I should be more independent. You can't depend on nobody for nothin'. But he's my fiance, my best friend, my partner in crime. I am supposed to be able to depend on him a little. Right?
"I don't." She says. My eyebrows narrow in confusion so she continues. "I'm a mess each and every time but then I remember what Daddy used to always tell us and it helps. We all got jobs to do. Keeping busy helps."
I nod. I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling this way. "I think being taken from him, makes it worse for me. With him, I always feel safe. But when he's away, I feel… I don't know. Exposed. Vulnerable. I was taken when he told me to leave him. I don't know, I guess that's always stuck with me. Sometimes I wonder if I hadn't left him. If I hadn't went to the road like he told me to. If I would have just stayed. Maybe things would have ended differently. After Grady, when I found him again, I instantly felt safe. But it's not just that. He makes me feel stronger, braver when he's near. That's why I got so pissed at him when he asked me to stay. It's like he was asking me to forfeit all those things, y'know?"
Maggie gives me a sad smile and nods. "You can still go even though he doesn't want you to."
I shake my head. "I know but I'm not going to leave you."
She rolls her eyes. "Bethy, I'll be fine-"
I look at her sternly. "I'm not going to leave you." That shuts her up and I continue. "Plus he's right. We can't always be together. We're going to have to be apart sometimes. I guess I just gotta relearn how to do that."
Maggie opens her arms. "Come here." I wrap my arms around her and she holds me tight. "It's hard, but it gets easier each time. Not much but a little."
"Thanks Mags.
"Anytime. I'm always here, whenever you need me." She kisses the top of my head. "Always. And technically, he didn't ask you. He told you to stay." She adds. I think in an attempt to make me feel better.
I back away and look at her. "Eventually he did. He's not the best at communication. He told me at first because he didn't know how else to say it. But then he asked." I say in his defense. Her eyes are understanding. I sigh and whisper. "It's just another reminder."
"What is?"
"That he doesn't need me." I say sadly.
She instantly shakes her head. "He needs you."
"Not like I need him." I counter. "Plus he literally said it when he asked me. He said 'I need you here.'"
"That doesn't mean he doesn't need you though." I consider her words. She's right. It doesn't but still it feels like he doesn't need me.
When Daryl and Glenn get back a while later, he all but drags me by the hand to our room. As soon as we were in the basement, his lips are on me. He kisses me with such intensity. It leaves me breathless. Unable to breath, I gasp into his mouth. "I missed you."
His chest heaves. "Me too Evergreene."
My face flushes at the memory. I felt so loved in that moment. So wanted. We had a little fun and I thought the evening was leading to our first time. But Daryl was perfectly happy dry humping us into bliss. He is a man of supernatural self control. It's a wonderful but terrible quality. I don't want to rush him until he's ready but that nearly killed me. Him being gone the majority of the day and how hot it got, I wanted him so bad.
He held me close after and when we came back up for dinner, he held my hand when Maggie told me she was pregnant. Hearing our suspicions confirmed, I was filled with happiness and dread. I put on a brave face and didn't let the dread show. I knew I gotta stay strong for them. I focused only on the good of the moment. Daryl and I hugged them and congratulated them. I told them I was excited while Daryl rubbed my back in silent support. Maggie and Glenn smiled at us and called us Uncle Daryl and Aunt Beth. It was a wonderfully scary, beautiful moment. I had to remind myself that this is a good thing. We are living now, not just surviving. We all just gotta have a little faith.
Daryl and I are the only ones that know. Glenn and Maggie want to keep it secret until the issue with the quarry has been dealt with. Maggie hides her morning sickness as best as she can and when she can't, I quickly distract whoever we are with to avoid suspicion. I think Deanna knows or at least suspects. She seems to be watching Maggie closely. Maybe I am just being overly paranoid. It's been a while since I had to keep a secret this big.
Things with Daryl have been good. Great, even. We both have been busy helping with all the preparation. We've been on the teams to help with the barricades since we are not going out right now. Also, Deanna has assigned us secondary jobs. Daryl is a part of the watch rotation and I am assisting Denise in the infirmary. Denise is the doctor and I act as a nurse. I help patch up those who need it, organize and keep track of our medical inventory and check on the elderly residents. (All three of them) Mr Bob and Mrs Natalie Miller are both 70 and Mrs. Jane Scott who is 78. I have enjoyed getting to know them.
Mr and Mrs Miller are a very nice couple but very old fashioned, stuck in the old world. They met at camp where they both were counselors when they were 17 years old. Bob said it was love at first sight. He spent the whole week working up the nerve to talk to her. He finally got his opportunity at the social on the last night and they have been inseparable ever since. They've been married for 52 years. They had five kids and twelve grandkids before. They were one of the first ones to buy a home in Alexandria when it was being built. They still speak and act like the world never ended. When they talk about their kids and grandkids, they talk like they're still alive out there. They have told me all their names and how old they are now. It's sad to know that most, if not all of them, are dead. But it gives them hope. They both are still in decent health and can move around well. When I visit, I try to look for ways to help them. Most of the time they just like the company. Once a week, I bring Judith to come see them and they love that.
Mrs. Scott, though, is my favorite. She is a very sweet, but very sassy old lady. I always look forward to our visits. She reminds me a lot of my granny. Her and her husband moved to Alexandria a couple of months after the Millers. Her husband, Dan, had just died of cancer before the turn. She seems to be as healthy as a horse but she has arthritis and moving has become more difficult for her over the last year. She has to use a walker to get around. Being that senior citizens are more prone to accidents and falls, Denise recommended that I do balancing training with her.
My first meeting with Mrs. Scott was fun. She insisted for me to call her Jane rather than Mrs. Scott. I compromised and called her Mrs. Jane and that seemed to satisfy her. We mainly just talked but she knew the real reason I was there. At first Mrs. Jane hated the idea of physical therapy, but finally agreed when I promised to tell her all about me and Daryl. She said she's read every book in Alexandria. Romance novels were her favorite and she said she needed a good love story in her life. I asked her how did she know it was a good love story and she winked at me and simply replied with "I can just tell."
Our first day of training, she demanded I start at the beginning. I didn't know where the beginning technically was for him and I. My crush didn't really start until the prison but I thought he was attractive the moment I met him. So I started there. She ate up every word. It didn't take long for her to hear our whole story. Maybe a week and a half. Then the stories shifted into other things. She loves to play chess so after training, I started playing chess with her. I always lose because I had never played before and am still learning. When we play, we talk about anything and everything.
One day I was putting up the chess set and saw a dress bag in the back of her closet. She caught me looking at it and asked me if I wanted to see it. It was her wedding dress. It was so beautiful. It was a simple A line with intricate lace sleeves and an open back. She asked me if I wanted to try it on. I really wanted to but it seemed weird. Before, I would have gone wedding dress shopping with mom and Maggie. I would have found the perfect dress that brought tears to my eyes and thiers. Then hopefully, when I walked down the aisle to my future husband, he would have gotten misty eyed too seeing how beautiful I looked in it. That's every girl's dream.
But the world isn't like before, there aren't weddings anymore. Wanting to try on a wedding dress seems so silly now. I was very reluctant. It was like trying on the dress was crossing an invisible line into something else. Something I couldn't quite define. After some convincing, she got me to try it on. It fit like a glove. I stared at my reflection in the mirror and tears formed. After the world ended, I didn't ever think I'd get to wear one. Maggie didn't when she and Glenn got married at the prison. The best we could find at that time was a white sundress and it worked just fine. The dress isn't important in the grand scheme of things. When Daryl proposed, I just assumed there wouldn't be a real wedding dress available for me. I would wear something white and we would exchange rings and commit to spending what time we have left to each other. I'd be Mrs. Daryl Dixon and I was perfectly fine with that. But there I was, staring at myself, in a real wedding dress. The emotions and thoughts running through my mind were so overwhelming. Mrs. Jane smiled at my reflection and told me whenever Daryl and I decided to finally tie the knot, I could have it… as long as she had a front row seat at our wedding. She admitted that she always wanted a girl to pass it on to. Her and Dan had two sons. Their wives wanted to buy their own dresses or had their mother's to wear. Mrs. Jane said it was too beautiful of a dress to sit in the closet forever. I was so touched and I thanked her over and over.
It's been a week since I tried on Mrs. Jane's wedding dress and I have thought a lot about our wedding ever since. I never let myself imagine it before. Again, it seems silly to think about given everything that we got going on. But trying on the dress inspired me. Now I find myself constantly daydreaming about it. Wanting it. Daryl and I haven't talked about getting married since the proposal. I don't want to be the first to bring it up. I want him to. But what if he's waiting on me? He essentially said he would marry me on the spot if I was willing and I basically told him no, that we weren't ready for that. We've grown a lot as a couple since coming here to Alexandria. Are we ready for marriage now? Is anyone ever really ready for marriage? Not wanting to rush him or freak him out, I haven't told him about the dress. Whenever the time comes, the dress will be there.
I shake my head. Enough daydreaming, Beth. Focus. I get back to organizing the medicine that Glenn and crew found on the last run. Glenn found some antidepressants and some cold medicine. I put everything away accordingly and by the time I'm done, it's time to go home.
The infirmary is on the other side of the community so it's a nice walk. I take a deep breath of fresh air. It's getting colder out. The days are getting shorter. Winter will be here soon. I pull my cardigan around me a little tighter to stay warm. As I approach the front of the community, I see Daryl climb down the watchtower ladder. He hops off the last rung and looks around. His eyes land on me and I can see his face brighten even from far away. The grouchy scowl turns into a lopsided grin as I approach him. He meets me in the middle and pulls me into a hug.
"How was your day?" I ask sweetly.
"Long. Yours?" His voice is deep and gruff from not using it much all day.
"It was good."
He takes my hand and we head home for dinner. Even though our group lives in two separate houses, we always eat together for dinner almost every night. The topic of conversation is the mission. Tomorrow is the dry run and the next day is the real deal. It seems like everything is in place. But we all know it doesn't matter how prepared you are, things can always go bad. What's that old saying? Man plans and God laughs. That is more true now than ever before.
We were prepared at the prison. We had an escape plan for emergencies (just in case). We were to take the buses to an agreed upon location. But that fell through. I think I remember Maggie saying that she found the bus pulled over on the side of the road. Everyone inside was dead. Someone must have turned. They found a lot of them with bites on them and a couple of former Woodbury people that had turned feeding on the others. She thinks some of them escaped but we have no way of knowing that for sure. We have a plan for the quarry, but if something goes wrong, it could quickly fall apart.
I am sitting sideways in my chair to help feed Judith in her highchair between me and Daryl. I stay quiet, listening to all the conversations. Daryl's quiet too. The closer it gets, the more nervous I get. He'll be fine. It all will be fine. A couple more days and this will all be over. I keep saying that to myself over and over anytime I start to feel anxious.
As if sensing something is off with me, I feel Daryl's hand on my knee under the table. His touch grounds me. I look over and my eyes meet his. He squeezes my leg as if asking you okay? I bring my shoulder and head closer together in a half shrug. Yes. No. I don't know. I don't want you to go. I feed Judith another bite and I feel his leg touch mine and he begins to rub my leg with his hand gently. I know. But I'm here now… with you. I give him a small sad smile. Not too long ago, we had a similar silent conversation. At least I think we did. I'm just guessing what all the touches mean/meant. Regardless, the touches were needed then, and they are needed now. Maybe I'm not the only one that needs moments and silent conversations like this. Daryl might need them as much as I do.
I try to feed Judith another bite but the toddler refuses. She shakes her head and I put the spoon down. "All done, pretty girl?" I ask her.
She smiles in response so I clean her up. As soon as I remove the table to her high chair, she reaches for Daryl. "Da Ra Ra."
Daryl's face melts into a smile that he only gives Judith. "You want Uncle Daryl, sweetheart? Com'ere."
He picks up the toddler and sits her in his lap. I sigh. "It's so unfair that she is saying your name before mine."
He looks up at me. "That's cause she's my Lil Asskicker. Aren't ya?" He pinches Judith's side, making her giggle. Daryl leans in the toddler's ear. "Lil Asskicker, whose that?" He points to me. She looks at me then back at Daryl. "Say Bbbeeettthh."
She stays silent so Daryl points again and repeats my name really slow for her. "Bbeetthh."
Judy smiles big at me. "Bep."
I gasp and Daryl smiles down at her. "That's right. Beth."
She smiles wider. "Bep Bep."
I clap. "Good job pretty girl!" Judith claps too. So I point. "Judy, who's that?" I point back at Daryl.
"Da Ra Ra."
"Smart baby. Now who's that?" I point to Carl.
"Buba."
Everyone now is paying attention to the sweet toddler and clapping and encouraging her. "Good job sweetheart." Daryl whispers in her ear. He looks at me. "Who's that again?"
"Bep bep." She smiles, happy to be getting all the praise.
Everyone cheers again. I ask her. "Who's that?" I point to Maggie.
Judith stops smiling and we try to help her say Maggie's name. But Judy gets all bashful and turns her head into Daryl's chest. "That's okay, Judy. You'll get there." Maggie coos at her.
Judith peeks her head out and then yawns real big. Rick stands up to take her. "Alright, let's get you to bed baby."
He walks up to Daryl and holds out his hands. Daryl quips. "No offense brother, but you ain't my type."
We all laugh as he hands over Judith to Rick. Judy smiles at her daddy. "Da Da."
Rick holds her close and says. "That's right Judith. I'm Da Da. We need to get outta here. Uncle Da Ra Ra is talking crazy."
Laughter fades into everyone saying their good nights. It's Eugene and Abraham's turn to clean up dinner. They gather all the dishes and get to work. Daryl takes my hand and leads me down the stairs to our room.
He kisses my forehead and says, "I'm gonna wash up Evergreene."
I smile at him. "Okay, honey."
He stops and stares at me, thinking on the new name. It's a game we have been playing over the past few weeks.
"Night Evergreene. I love ya." He says quietly in the dark.
I rub the arm that's holding me close to him. "Night sugar." I say sweetly and I wait for his reaction.
There's a beat. Then another. I feel his head lift from behind me. I see him look down at me, confused. "Did ya jus' call me sugar?"
I laugh because his voice sounds so disgusted. "Yeah. Did you not like it?"
"Nah." He lays his head back down and snuggles me to him.
I roll over to face him. "You have a nickname for me. I think I should have one for you."
He shakes his head. "You don't need one. 'Sides I ain't into all the pet name shit."
My eyes narrow at him in the dark. "How do you know you don't like it? You thought you didn't like snugglin' shit either and now look at ya." I tease.
He considers me silently for a moment. I'm sure taking into account that his legs are tangled up in mine and his arm is around me, rubbing the small of my back. "Fine. You can try some out on me."
Shocked and delighted, I say, "Really?"
"Yeah but you only get one a day so make 'em count." He huffs.
I snuggle up closer to him. "Yes sir."
He groans and I giggle. His hand travels lower, then suddenly he grabs my ass and kisses me senseless.
Ever since I have been trying a new name out each day. So far he's rejected: sugar, baby, babe, dear, darling, sweetheart, boo, cutie, hunk, Pooh, muffin, handsome, beau, sweet cheeks (dammit woman, I told you ain't nothin' sweet 'bout me), and bear (my favorite, since he's as mean as a bear).
To my surprise, the only one he has considered is stud, but I think I got him with honey. He's been thinking on it an awful long time. I finally ask, "So what do you think, honey?"
He shrugs. "I don't hate it."
I smile. "If you think about it's pretty fitting."
I saunter over to him all confident and wrap my arms around his neck. "Is that so?" He says as he snakes his arms around me.
"Yeah. You find honey in the forest which is where you like to be the majority of the time. If you get too close, you get stung by the bees guarding it. And when you taste it, it's one of the sweetest things you've ever tasted." I lean in and peck his lips.
"I told you, woman, I ain't sweet." He growls and captures my lips with his. His tongue swirls around mine, making me moan softly. He pulls away to keep the kiss from turning too heated.
"Maybe not to everyone else, but you're sweet to me." I say breathless. His eyes soften and I whisper. "And you have to admit, you're pretty sweet on me."
"Yes ma'am, I am." He agrees.
I kiss him again quickly and tell him to go shower. He obliges and I get myself ready for bed. I am brushing my teeth when he comes out in only a towel. My eyes rake over his naked body. His toned chest and abs are still damp. His tattoos glisten. I see a droplet of water on his chest and I get the urge to lick it off.
We haven't had sex yet. We've fooled around some. Mostly dry humping. He's gotten bold a time or two and fingered me. That man is talented with his hands. When I went to return the favor, he stopped me and said we did enough for one night. It's frustrating me to no end but I don't wanna rush him. I bend over to spit out my toothpaste. When I come back up, I see him checking out my ass in the mirror. His eyes connect with mine and I see a blush creeping in on his features, embarrassed to have been caught. I don't mind though. He can look all he wants.
I turn to face him. His hair is wild and wet and hanging in his face just right where I can barely see his eyes. I take a step closer to him and touch his bicep. I look up at him through his hair. I'm close enough to touch but there's enough space between us for him to pull away if he feels uncomfortable. He doesn't move. I take that as permission to continue. Slowly, I run my fingertips up his bicep, around his shoulder then down his chest. My touch stops at his tattoo. Then I repeat the action again going the opposite direction. My gaze leaves his face and I watch my fingers do their journey. His muscles shine showing off the definition in his arms and chest. My fingers hover over his chest and suddenly he brings his left hand up, taking my hand in his stopping me from repeating my gentle touches.
I look back up at him. He drops my hand and his left hand pushes some hair off my shoulder. His fingers brush over my shoulder and his large hand holds the side of my neck. I let him guide me closer to him. My right hand is on his chest while my left hand holds his side to keep myself stable. He kisses my forehead and I close my eyes. Then he kisses my nose. His lips hover over mine but he doesn't kiss me right away. He hesitates so I kiss him.
He makes a noise like he's in pain but he kisses me back. Our mouths open and my tongue seeks his out. When they touch, my stomach flutters. He adjusts his grip on the side of my neck and his thumb gazes my cheek. His other hand is on the small of my back holding me to him. I sigh in contentment and kiss him harder in appreciation. He matches my enthusiasm and quickly the kiss heats up. My skin feels like it's on fire. I press myself to him a little more. The towel leaves nothing to the imagination allowing me to feel his arousal.
My right hand moves from his chest to his back. I can feel his scars beneath my fingers. I keep my touch light and explore his back. Unfamiliar with all the scars and ridges I feel. I have seen them before but it's been a while. I try to commit ever scar to memory with each and every touch.
He takes a step and backs me up until my back is against the counter. The sudden stop makes me grunt slightly. His left hand leaves my neck and he leans down slightly and hooks my legs with his arms placing me gently on the counter. I open my legs and invite him to step closer to me which he does to my delight. I'm just in a shirt and panties. With my legs open I can feel him through the towel even more than before, pressing into my thigh. My right hand goes into his hair and pulls it slightly. He hums with pleasure. His hands hold and massage my hips. I let my left hand wander down until my fingers graze the edge of his towel. Daryl pulls away to look at me. His eyes ask me if I'm sure and I smile. Yes I'm very much sure. I go to kiss him but he pulls his head back. I stop immediately.
Confused, I whisper. "What's wrong?"
He presses his forehead to mine then closes his eyes. He breathes deep and I try to lift my lips to his once again. He lets me this time. Just a peck. The air between us is thick. My body tingles with anticipation. He's hesitating. Again I ask softly. "What is it?"
His hands on my hips burn my skin through the thin shirt with delicious heat. It'd be so easy for him to hook his fingers with the hem of my shirt and bring it up and over my head, leaving me bare and topless before him. Or for me to flick my wrist and drop his towel. But he doesn't move. He shakes his head against mine. "We can't."
I groan in frustration. "Why can't we? You want to right?" I ask.
His hands grip my hips tighter and he pushes my center into his erection. The sudden action makes me gasp. My body reacts without thinking and I wrap my legs around his hips, holding him in place. My panties are damp and the feeling of his dick poking at my entrance has me desperate for more. "You feel that?" He asks. His voice is rough and needy.
I nod. Our foreheads are still firmly pressed together. "Course I want to."
"Then why can't we?"
His normally blue eyes are dark with lust and he stares deeply into mine. "I want it t' be special."
That is what he's worried about.
"It will be. Because it will be me and you." I encourage him gently.
He backs up a step which makes me drop my legs. "Nah, I want it t' be really special." My eyebrows furrow in confusion. He clears his throat and clarifies. "Like… uh… weddin' night special."
His words shock me. The heat that consumed my body fades as I focus on what he just said. Weddin' night special. I've thought a lot about our wedding over the last week and apparently so has he but who knows for how long. I love that he wants to make our first time even more special and meaningful. When is he wanting to get married? Is he saying when all this is over or some unknown time in the future? How long will we have to wait for our wedding night? He brought it up so maybe that means he's willing to talk about it? "Wedding night special?" I ask dumbly, unable to form more words at the moment.
He nods. "Yeah. That alright with you?"
"Yes of course." I say without thinking.
His strong hands release me and he grabs some boxers and jeans then disappears into the bathroom leaving me speechless. I hop off the counter and lay down in bed. My mind is going a million miles a minute. Daryl gets in bed and snuggles in behind me.
"Hey Evergreen." His voice is nervous and unsure, so I turn to face him.
"Yeah?" I whisper.
He wraps his strong arm around me and pulls me to him. "C'mere."
His lips meet mine halfway. This kiss is simple. There's no heat. Unlike the tone in his voice just a second ago, the kiss is firm and sure. His mouth opens slightly and our tongues brush once, then twice. He pulls back and pecks my lips once more. My eyes open to see his ocean blue eyes staring back at me. He looks like he wants to say something but he stays quiet.
The kiss has me feeling all warm and dreamy. "What was that for?"
His crooked grin forms slowly. "I's puttin' a quarter in the jukebox."
"Oh. What do you wanna hear?" I ask.
His eyes turn unsure again but he presses on. "Somethin' you wrote."
I'm taken aback for the second time tonight. I've never sung my own songs for anyone before. He knows that. I started writing my own songs when I was sixteen years old. It's why I have always kept a notebook on me. In case lyrics come to mind or if I just need to write down my thoughts to help me process what's happening. When we were on the road, I didn't write much but now that we are here… I have been writing a lot. I remember back at the funeral home, Daryl asking about it.
Daryl and I find a cute house to stay in tonight. He's cooking us up some rabbit while I write in my notebook some lyrics that have been on my mind all day.
My black, white
Life turns to color
But baby
I'm with another
When you pull out your suitcase of fingerpaints
I hum the melody I am imagining for the lyrics and try to think of more. I scribble down a lyric and hum it while singing in my head. I scratch out a word and try another. That one seems to fit better so I keep it.
Daryl clears his throat making me look up at him away from my notebook. "What're ya always writin' in there anyways?"
I consider his question and answer honestly. "Everything."
"Everythin'?" He scoffs.
"Yeah. I write what's happening in my life…. Poems… song lyrics." I explain.
"Ya write your own songs?" Daryl asks curiously.
I blush. "Yeah."
"Will ya sing one?"
It's an innocent question but it terrifies me all the same. "I don't think so…"
He studies me with a look that makes me squirm. I hate saying no to him but it's too embarrassing. "Why not?"
"Cause… they aren't ready. And… I have never sang any of my songs for anyone before."
He is looking at me like I'm a puzzle he's trying to figure out. "But you like to sing all the time. What's the difference?"
I rub my hands nervously. "Songwriting is extremely personal. Singing them would be displaying my heart out for everyone to see. I'm not ready for that. They are just silly little songs anyways."
"Ain't nothin' about you silly." He runs his chin in thought. "You're braver than ya think, Greene."
His words make my cheeks heat up and I smile. "Thanks. Maybe I will sing you one… someday."
How can I deny him now? He is waiting patiently for me to respond. I'm nervous. It feels so vulnerable, raw to sing him something I wrote. For me it is almost as intimate as us having sex. Maybe that's why he asked. If we aren't going to be intimate physically yet, maybe we can be in this way, emotionally.
What song should I sing him? One comes to mind immediately but that one feels too dangerous. I'll save that one. The next one that I think of is safer. I wrote it about him back at the funeral home. The night he slept in the casket. He feel asleep and it kinda just came to me.
Daryl speaks, interrupting my train of thought. "Ya don't have ta if ya don't want."
I smile at him, hoping to reassure him. "No it's not that. I'm just trying to figure out which one to sing."
I breathe in deep and start to sing.
Could you fall in love with me? Ohh
Love is such a mind blowing mystery.
I know you're very busy
And the timing not quite right
But I would take a bus on late Sunday night
To see you, to see you
Could you be my boyfriend? Ohh
Boys are such a big book that I've barely read
I know that you're much older
And you've had many lovers
There's no place I'd rather be
Than underneath the covers
Next to you, next to you
And I'm telling myself to be patient
And I'm telling myself to wait
Cause when it comes to your love I over anticipate
And I know that ove done this before
And I know that I can't predict fate
But when it comes to your love I over anticipate
So I'm making big plans to see you
Because I think we could be great
Yes when it comes to your love
I over anticipate
Could you fall in love with me? Ohh
Will I solve this mystery?
I'm bracing for a let down
Cause I know you like your space
But my head full of love songs
That I just can't erase
About you, about you, about you
I watch him carefully. Waiting for his reaction. His eyes are soft and he clears his throat before he speaks but still his voice sounds thick. "That's damn good Evergreene."
I blush and look away. "Thanks."
His tone changes and has a bit more lift. "Ya write that song 'bout me?"
I nod but say, "Maybe."
His smirk grows into a cute lopsided grin. "Have ya wrote anymore?"
"About you?" I clarify. He nods. "Maybe."
"Can I hear 'em?" He asks quickly.
"Eventually, one is enough for today though." I reply.
His face is understanding and he drops the subject. I move closer to him and plant my face in the side of his neck. He holds me tighter and whispers. "Night Evergreene."
"Night honey." I give his neck a gentle peck.
He chuckles. "Love ya."
"I love you too."
Within minutes he's asleep while I lay awake, thinking about songs, our wedding, the dress, our wedding night and yearn for the day when I become Mrs. Daryl Dixon.