Gwen sat on her throne in her most regal attire, crown heavy atop her head, holding the ring Arthur had sent to her between her fingers. She stared forlornly at the Pendragon crest, the symbol of her right to the throne upon the King's passing, and allowed herself a moment to dwell on the grief that had haunted her since Camlann. The crowded throne room was silent, everyone in attendance for her ascension sharing her sorrow for the loss of their King. But the kingdom needed a ruler and Arthur had been missing longer than Gaius said he had left to live, given his wound. So she set her sadness aside, turning to Leon with a heavy heart, and nodded her signal for him to complete the ceremony.
Leon stood beside his queen, looking out amongst the subjects gathered to witness the beginning of a new era.
"The king is dead. Long live the Queen!"
"Long live the Queen! Long live the Queen!" her people chanted. Her people. She wished she could give them a happier celebration, but as she sat there, scanning the room, she realized how few faces were familiar anymore. Elyan, Gwaine, Arthur…Merlin was still missing too…she could not bring herself to smile.
Alone. She was alone. Sitting in Arthur's chambers, at Arthur's table, where she'd shared many joyous meals and discussed matters of state and of the heart with her husband, her friends, her family…now she sat alone. The royal seal faced her on the table, mocking her with the cold stillness of metal, her consolation prize for surviving when so many others had not. The burden of grief weighed on her mind, but there was also a nagging question that she'd not had the wherewithal to address until finally alone: where was Merlin?
If Arthur had died, if Merlin had been unable to save him, surely he would have brought the King's body back to her, back to Camelot, for his royal burial in the Pendragon crypt. Or at least returned to Camelot himself to confirm the King's death rather than leave her, leave the kingdom, to assume the worst with no proof and no closure. If Merlin was grieving the loss of his King, his friend, would he not have returned to Gaius, to Gwen, seeking comfort in familiar faces as she herself wished she could?
Familiar. Perhaps he had sought relief in the familiar. Ealdor would not have been far from the Lake of Avalon. Perhaps he went to visit his mother. Oh, Hunith. Gwen sighed thinking of the woman who had taken her in like family during Gwen's time of exile. Surely the news of the Great Battle had reached their small village. She must be sick with worry, knowing how close Merlin was, in both heart and proximity, to the now pronounced dead king. Hunith deserved to know the truth from a friend, not rumors from passing travelers that likely distorted the tale. Though, Gwen suddenly realized, she must have known the truth all along…about Merlin's magic. Gwen could talk to Hunith about that like she could with no one here in Camelot, save Gaius.
Hunith deserved the truth. Gwen needed the comfort of a friend with whom she could share grief and secrets. And perhaps, maybe, Merlin would be there and Gwen would have one less loss to mourn.
A quiet knock on the door barely brought her out of her thoughts enough to voice permission for entry. Slowly, as if any sudden movements would break her, Leon cracked open the door, not fully stepping inside.
"My Queen," he spoke softly, "I-" he cleared his throat, "I wanted to check if you are alright?"
Gwen did not lift her regard from the ring on the table, "Leon," her voice was sad, but sure, "please prepare my horse and provisions for a few days."
"My Lady?" Leon asked, now stepping inside and closing the door behind him.
"I will be visiting a friend. Hunith in Ealdor."
Leon's expression changed from confused to concerned as he approached the table, "are you sure that's wise, Your Majesty? You are our sovereign now - to leave the Kingdom…"
"I am aware, Leon. That is why I will travel in secret, without royal symbols or entourage."
"My Lady, it's much too dangerous!" Leon's eyes were wide at the idea of the Queen traveling alone and unaided, "there are still Saxons roaming the woods, not to mention bandits and smugglers and-"
Gwen raised her face to him, determination in her eyes, "I am aware, Leon!" He was taken aback at the finality in her statement. Though she looked at him, her eyes were unseeing, the resolution deflating as soon as her point was made, her expression dropping once again into exhaustion as she returned her gaze to the seal on the table. His own grief recognized the pain of his friend and his heart ached for her.
With a sigh, he pulled out a chair to sit beside her and speak to her not as a subject, but as a friend.
"Guinevere, if you need a friend, I hope you know I will always be here for you," he tried to reassure her. When she made no sign against him speaking so informally, he continued, "we can send for Hunith to come here, protected in her travels by our best knights."
"She is Merlin's mother, Leon," Gwen explained, weary, but steadfast, "And a dear friend of mine. I will not summon her with a troop of unfamiliar soldiers, pull her away from her home, because of my selfish desires to ease my own grief," and she could not speak of magic or Merlin in Camelot, nor in Ealdor if accompanied by a retinue of Camelot soldiers.
"Leon," she finally looked up, looked at him, not through him, a small, gentle smile on her lips, "this is something I must do and I must do it alone."
"Then at least let me come with you, My Lady," he begged, though he knew that look in her eyes.
She shook her head, "I need you here. So many have been lost to us. The Kingdom may be at peace from war, from we are, all of us, still mourning, still picking up the pieces, trying to move on. If something should happen to me-"
"Gwen, no-"
She leaned forward and placed a comforting hand on his forearm, "if something should happen, you are the best person I know to help keep this Kingdom together. Your loyalty and devotion to Camelot under Uther and Arthur always set an example for others," her eyes glistened as she added, "and you have been a steady presence for me as well." She gave his arm a gentle squeeze to convey her gratitude.
Leon's heart swelled at her words and the calm beauty of her tired smile, even as her grief shone in her sad eyes. He placed his hand upon the feminine one resting on his arm.
"I am proud to be of service to Camelot and her people…and her Queen," he conveyed, his voice breaking with emotion at the last, a soft acquiescence to her request.
They sat there a moment in their shared sorrow, exchanging comfort through warm hands and understanding eyes.
Finally, Leon sighed and stood up from the table, "I shall ready your horse personally. We shall keep news of your travels to only a trusted few."
"Thank you, Leon," briefly, Gwen regretted the loss of Leon's touch, then gathered her resolve as he bowed appropriately and left her alone once again.
A trip away from the castle would be good. Away from the chambers and throne room and people that constantly reminded her of the losses that weighed on her heart. She told herself that Hunith and possibly Merlin were the reasons for her visit, but deep down her broken soul told her otherwise.