Katniss' POV
Peeta and I say our goodnights to Ash and Ember and make our way to our room, I walk in and Peeta closes the door behind us. "I like them" he announces to me, he speaks matter of fact. So much so that I can't properly gage if he is feeling worse about the situation now that we have gotten to know them a bit. It certainly makes me feel worse.
"I know, I like them too" I'm not lying when I tell him this, but just because I like them doesn't mean I think we can save their lives in that arena. I sit down on the edge of the bed, soon I can feel Peeta sit next to me and gently place his hand on my shoulder.
"Are you okay?" He whispers so tenderly that his breath is enough to send shivers down my spine. I turn to look into his sweet, gentle eyes and know that he cares so much about me. I am having trouble finding comfort in his baby blues right now but I know he is only one who will understand what feelings I am going through.
"No" I turn away from him and bury my hands in my face, I cannot rely on his comfort to get me through this, at least not right now. Everything is still too raw.
"What's wrong?" He say it to keep the conversation going, we both know what is wrong. He just knows there is no way to fix it. I am too broken right now, the system is too broken for Peeta to fix. So he does all he knows to do right now. He moves himself so there is no longer any space separating us. He does more than just touch my shoulder this time and wraps his arms around my body and pulls me into a hug. I close my eyes and hope he will never let go.
"These kids are the same age as us Peeta, I have met them now and I like them. But we are going to have to watch them die" My eyes remain close as I fight back tears, I have cried too much today already.
"There is no guarantee that they will die, we can work with Haymitch to train them the best we can. He taught us to survive and we can help them" Peeta sounds like he is pleading with me again, he just wants me to be okay in the moment and find any source of hope. I wish I could be like him, but I'm just not. I break away and look at his head on and just let the words spew out of my mouth, not even bothering to think before I speak.
"We only survived because everyone thought we were in love" As soon as I said it I should have known how wrong it was for me to say. I can see the sting lingering on his face, I might as well have struck him. I promised myself I would try harder and I'm already screwing it up. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that" I truly didn't mean it to sound so harsh but the damage is already done.
"No, it's okay. You saved me and I've already said that I won't hold you to what you did to keep us alive" He is apologizing yet again for my bad behavior, I feel horrible hearing how sad this makes him. I wish I didn't have to be so honest, but if I was wishing for things it would be for us to not be in this situation at all.
"You saved me just as much as I saved you" I smile at him to reassure him this is something I really mean.
"But we still learned something when we trained, you're good with a bow and I am strong. E have things to offer, we can teach them something" Peeta changes the subject back to the matter at hand, Ash and Ember's lives and survival in the games.
"But we will still have to watch one of them die, we can't save both of them. They won't make that mistake again" I know that there is no way to get around that simple fact. This year there will only be one winner of the hunger games. There is no chance they let two people come out of this alive, that I am certain of.
"We can do everything we can, we will cross that bridge when we get to it" Peeta must agree with me but still wants to look at the bright side. I try to let him have this but I can't manage to keep everything inside. I wish I could be better but there is more than just the number of victors that has been nagging at me.
"There is no guarantee that one of them will win at all, how likely is it that someone from district 12 will win two years in a row?" I say it so bluntly I almost sound like Haymitch when we met him. So bitter and full of resentment of year after year sending two tributes to die. Becoming a sad excuse for the only legacy that district 12 has to offer.
"Katniss calm down, I will here every step of the way with you and I promise I will make this whole thing easier for you" He takes my hands in his and I lean in and separate the gap between us once more, but this time with my lips. I don't know why I do it, maybe I want to be able to shut my mouth and stop disappointing him with my words and my actions. Maybe I want him to stop seeing the bright side to a hopeless situation. Or maybe I just wanted to make us both feel better and this is the only way I know how.
He kisses me back for a slight second and then he pulls back. I can feel a chill upon my lips in the absence of his warmth.
"You don't have to do this" He looks so hurt when he says this to me. I feel so confused and frustrated. I am finally doing something right, giving him something he wants and yet he still pulls away from me.
"I want to" I still don't know what my feelings for Peeta are yet. I know that I trust him and like spending time with him but I'm not sure if these are feeling of friendship or love. Everything is knotted up deep in my chest and I feel it ache when he is away from me. I can feel it ache right now when he pulled away. I have spent so much time trying to think through everything between us but that has never done me any good so far, but know I can't give us. I have to try my hardest to figure it out. I can't expect him to marry me until I can be completely honest about how we are going to spend the rest of our lives together. As an actual couple, or as friends. I lean in and kiss him one more time and he doesn't pull away this time. I allow myself to get lost in his kiss and try to just focus on this moment right in front of us, not let the whole weight of the world continue to rest on my shoulders while I have Peeta here with me right now. I eventually pull away for air and smile at him. I don't know how I feel yet but it is just nice to be in his presence "I know that I wouldn't be able to do this without you Peeta" I lean my forehead against his when I tell him. I mean every single word.
"Don't you get it yet? I am the one that needs you" He tells me with such passion I can't help but kiss him again. When we break away this time we lay down on the bed together. He wraps his arms around me and kisses my shoulder over and over again. I focus on the beating of his heart and swear I can feel every kiss in synch with it.
"This is just the beginning, I don't know how we are supposed to do this every year" I tell him through beats and kisses. He doesn't respond to me even after he has stopped kissing me and I don't know if it's because he is asleep already or because he has exhausted every option on how to make me feel better tonight. I think of Ember and Ash as I fall asleep, thinking about how their lives are now in my hands.
Ember's POV
I wake up and look around, I am in a giant bed, one much nicer than mine at home. The sheets are silk and I rub them between my fingertips. The roller coaster of yesterday comes back to me all at once. I remember the reaping, being whisked away to say goodbye to my parents, maybe for the very last time. I remember getting on a train to The Capitol and all the distractions it has to offer, including these buttery sheets. I get out of bed and rummage through the drawers to find something to wear. I go through all the clothes and try and find something that I like. I have never had so many options before, it's overwhelming. I've never had so many nice clothes in my entire life. I find a green long sleeved shirt and some pants, I put on the new clothes and set aside my dress, I look down at it one more time and know that is the last little piece of home that I have left. I look at myself in the mirror and feel a deep sadness in my heart knowing there is no more proof of who I once was, there is no going back from this. I keep staring into the mirror and know that I am a completely different person now, everything is changing and I couldn't stop it even if I tried. I walk out of my room and find Katniss and Peeta already sitting at the table with Effie, Haymitch and Ash. I sit down at the table next to Ash and Peeta smiles at me.
"Did you sleep alright?" Peeta asks me between buttering his toast.
"Yeah, the beds are so comfortable" I always knew that Peeta was sweet but knowing that he actually cares makes me feel better about the whole situation, I wouldn't want to be mentored by anyone else.
"That is just one of the luxuries from the Capitol" Effie chimes in, I immediately see Haymitch roll his eyes in response and I try and stifle my laugh. I don't know Effie too well yet but I know this is not something she would take lightly.
"Hey" Ash whispers to me, he has a big smile plastered to his face and a glimmer of something in his eye.
"Hey" I return the smile and try not to sound so giddy, but I can't seem to help it. There is an electrical current he is sending my way and it is hard to ignore.
"Have you seen all this food?" He motions to the immaculate spread laid out before us. I look around at the table and see all the different kinds of foods, its more food that I have seen in my life and I don't know where to start. I take some sort of pastry and take a bite, it is warm and flaky and melts in my mouth.
"This is amazing" I say aloud. First it was the clothes and now the food, having this much variety is something that I could get used too.
"Word of advice, pace yourself. When I was reaped and got onto the train I ate so much. I hadn't mastered the art of pacing myself" Katniss tells us with a slight chuckle. It is nice to see her in better spirits today.
"Remember how sick we got?" Peeta adds to our conversation but watching them is like seeing them totally in a world of their own. Katniss gives a proper laugh this time and I swear I can feel their love swell in the air. The comfortability they have with each other is something else to watch up close.
"That was horrible" She recalls their own personal inside joke and keeps laughing along. It is nice to know that some good memories can be made even with everything else going on.
"And it only made the whole thing a little worth it" Peeta's dry humor takes me back for a second, he is reminding us that this is all a little bit bigger than just reminiscing about a shared experience. She smiles at him again and I can see their connection just by small glances.
"You guys really are perfect for each other" I can't help myself but blurt it out, I feel a slight blush spread across my cheeks but it's already out there. Katniss gets a little quiet and her smile turns into a frown for a split second. I watch as Haymitch gives them a look, I turn my head to Ash to see if he is equally as confused as I am but I don't think he even noticed. He is too busy trying the pastry that started this conversation in the first place.
"I really am the luckiest guy in the world" Peeta softens the mood and he wraps his arm around her shoulders. Katniss smiles and leans in a kisses him. Haymitch has a smirk as he goes to take another swig from his cup.
"So what tips do you have for us?" I immediately get back to business, I have already managed to make the conversation so awkward and embarrass myself in front of my mentors I want to steer the conversation in a completely different direction.
"Well we can start with figuring out what kind of skills you guys have, is there any weapons you know how to use?" Peeta asks us. I think about his question and realize just how unprepared I am for this, I have no skills whatsoever.
"No, I don't really have any skills" I feel so stupid even saying this, I look down at my plate and move around my food with my fork, I suddenly don't feel as hunger as I once was only minutes ago.
"I don't really have any skills either, I don't think I have even needed to use any types of weapons either" Ash sounds more lighthearted about our lack of utter inexperience on weapons skills. He does make a good point, what situation before now would have caused us to actually pick up a weapon? Much less use it on another person.
"That's okay, I didn't know how to use any type of weapons before I went into the games either, Katniss and I can help you" Peeta is reassuring in the fact that we are starting at literally square one. I know I shouldn't compare myself to Katniss but I can't help but think about how experienced Katniss already was before she was reaped. She knew how to hunt and shoot. Peeta managed to pick up skills pretty easy too. When you watch something for so many years it almost looks easy, but then when it is finally your turn you realize just how hard it actually is. I may not have any skills but I have faith in my mentors and what they can teach us. I have so many questions I want to ask but suddenly the train slows down and I can hear the sound of cheering coming from outside. Peeta and Katniss get up from their chairs and go over to the window, the cheering gets louder as they approach and they start to smile and wave. I stand up and go over to the window and find what looks like thousands of people from The Capitol trying to catch a glimpse of us. I can feel a smile spread across my face and I join in with the waving, everyone looks so happy to see us.
"Ash, come over here, come look at this" I wave him over and he hurries over from the table still chewing the remainder of something. When he is close enough I extend my arm out to him and take his hand in mine. I pull him over to see all the people with me. He leans over and looks out the window to see all the faces smiling back at us.
"Whoa" He looks at the window again and then turns to smile at me.
"Isn't this just amazing?" I breathe out, suddenly I am filled with a mixture of nerves and adrenaline. It's like all those faces are recharging my battery better than anything else this train ride has had to offer us so far.
"Yeah, it really is" Ash's voice is so confident again and he keeps smiling, but not at the crowed anymore, he is still looking right at me with that smile. I'm about to ask him what he keeps looking at me for when all of a sudden the train stops. I realize I still had his hand in my own so I quickly let go as my attention is now elsewhere. Katniss and Peeta stand up and Effie fixes her hair quickly as they are all walking towards the door. Haymitch goes over to Katniss and Peeta and he whispers to them, I am too far away to hear much of their conversation but I can't help but catch a little bit.
"Good job" I wonder what he is talking about, does he mean talking to us? Haymitch has been a mentor by himself for a long time and maybe he is glad his help is finally paying off. I don't have much time to continue analyzing their behaviors as Effie beckons for us to follow her. Ash and I unglue ourselves from the window and follow everyone to the door, as the door opens and we take our first steps down from the train the breeze startles me. The air feels almost different all of a sudden.
"You two will be meeting with your stylists, they will help you prepare for the parade that will be later today. We will see you after the parade" Effie tells us, I try and pay close attention to her voice but I can still hear the sounds of everyone cheering like a buzzing in my ears. Katniss and Peeta say goodbye to us and Haymitch leads them in the other direction while Effie takes us to meet with our stylists.
When we are inside Ash is taken to another room and everyone gets to work quickly. They bathe me and even though I feel incredibly awkward about the whole situation but I enjoy the feel of the warm water run down my back. I can smell the sweet scent of the shampoo they use to wash my hair, it still remains in the air even after my hair is well rinsed and conditioned. After they finish cleaning my body they wax me down until every inch of me is completely smooth. It hurts like hell but I have never felt cleaner in my life. When they are trimming up my hair they even ask if I want it cut a little, I feel my long hair one more time and then nod my head, everything is different now, why shouldn't my outside match what I have been feeling on the inside.
When they are done with me I am taken to another room where I'll be waiting for Cinna. I knew that he would be my stylist but I hadn't anticipated how nervous I would be to actually be meeting him. Katniss speaks so highly of him for obvious reasons, he turned her into the icon that she is now. And now he is going to prepare me to be presented as the next female tribute to follow Katniss Everdeen. Just thinking about this makes my heart start beating faster, those are big shoes to fill. A new haircut might not be enough to cut it.
I sit on the table as I wait for Cinna to come in, I run my fingers through my newly shorter hair as I wait for time to pass. I can feel the sound of a clock ticking in my head for what feels like forever when he walks in. He looks exactly as he does on TV but in person I can feel his warm and calming presence immediately. He walks up to me and offers out his hand for me to take. "Hi, I'm Cinna"
"I'm Ember" I give him a smile and hope he can't tell how nervous I feel under the surface of it all.
"I'm really sorry this is happening to you but I look forward to getting to know you" As I shake his hand I can feel my nerves begin to melt away.
"Thank you" I tell him as we finally separate our hands. He motions over for me to move from the tray onto the couch. I hope down and try and get comfortable but am suddenly a bit self-conscious about the fact that I am just in a gown.
"We don't have a whole lot of time before the parade starts so I wanted to get right into things, I hope that is okay?" He speaks with certainty but I can tell he wants me to feel comfortable and be along for every step of the way.
"Okay" I nod my head and lean in intently as I wait to hear what idea Cinna has come up with for this year's parade.
"I changed things last year with Katniss and Peeta and I want to do something like that again this year. I am going to change how everyone will look at district 12" I listen to him explain how exactly he is going to do that. He tells me that he plans on using the fire like he did with Katniss and Peeta but he has something else in mind for Ash and I this year. He gets me dressed in a beautiful black formfitting dress, it is almost translucent and was made to look like coal dust has been smeared all over my body. I look like I could be wearing nothing at all but I feel so much more confident wearing this rather than just the gown I was wearing only minutes before. After I am dressed my hair is curled and my makeup is applied. I watch in amazement as they transform my blank slate face into something entirely new. I have thick black eyeliner that blends into black and grey eye shadow. It covers my eyelids in a way that doesn't look too heavy, it goes together with the outfit so well. I look at myself in the mirror and looks like I've aged overnight. I have a new maturity about myself, like I can now handle anything that is thrown my way.
Cinna leads me out of the room where they just got me all ready and down into an open room where all the tributes will be waiting. We get to district 12's chariot where Ash is waiting there for me. He is wearing a similar outfit to mine and I can't help but notice the way it shows off the muscles, that I never noticed he had before. As I am walking towards Ash I can tell now just how much he actually looks like he is just smeared in coal dust. I have the opportunity to admire our designers work, Cinna really has done an amazing job. As I get closer Ash must be able to see me better because I watch as his eyes goes wide and a huge smile spreads across his face.
"Whoa" He breathes out and I swear I can spot a hit of a blush on his cheeks. I can't help but let out a small laugh. I wouldn't even need a mirror to confirm that my smile is just as big as his is.
"Thank you" I tell him, neither of us seem to be able to take our eyes off each other. We both are in so much amazement of the transformation we both have undertook in such a short amount of time.
"Your hair" He says and instinctively reaches out to touch the ends. My hair that once ran down my spine now stops short of my shoulders. I run my fingers through my hair nervously but stop when I get a look from Effie, she doesn't need to say anything for me to know that glare alone is her screaming for me to stop messing up my hair.
"Do you like it?" I ask and try to channel my new found confidence as I wait for his response.
"I love it" He says as he is still beaming at me. I finally break out of the concentration we've had on each other and take a look around us. I finally get to see my first glimpse of all the other tributes we will be competing with this year. My eyes are quickly grazing the crowd when one person catches my eyes. I take a second to really take a good look at him. He stands tall with sandy blonde hair, it's styled in a way to look purposely messy. He is muscular, each muscle sticks out boldly with what he is wearing. He has on a netted outfit that doesn't leave much up to the imagination. We are matching in a way, I have the illusion of not wearing anything and there he stands, practically not wearing anything.
He must notice I am staring at him because suddenly our eyes are locked and he gives me a smirk followed by a wink. I feel my heart flutter, it startles me and my eyes leave his gaze. I look down away but am unable to forget the way he looked at me. I can't hide the smile that he brought to my face and when I look up again I see that he is still staring at me. He never hesitated to look away, his attention is locked on me. He gives me a quick smile and then turns to talk to Finnick Odair, his mentor. Katniss and Peeta walk up to us with Haymitch and I can't stop myself from taking the opportunity to ask them if they know who this mystery man might be.
"Who is that over there?" I ask and point in his direction, the three of them follow my hand and I don't even feel scared at the thought of him looking back over here and seeing us all focused on him.
"That's Caspian Herrick, he is from district 4" Haymitch answers my question for me. I look over again and notice a tall, thin girl standing next to him. Her outfit is made of nets as well, it shows off her gorgeous body and all her curves. She has long ginger hair that looks like it has never dared fall out of place. I look away at the sight of her. I feel my cheeks burn and my chest feels hot. I can't let him either of them get into my head but I can't stop myself from wanting to ask them what her name is. Cinna walks over to us and stops me before I even have a chance to ask anyone anything else.
"The parade is going to start in a couple of minutes" He tells us and hands me a small little remote with a big button on it. "Whenever you are ready just push this button, and don't worry the flames won't hurt you" He grins as he says the last part.
"Flames? Are you giving away my signature look?" Katniss jokes with him. He puts his hands on either sides of her arms and I watch at how calmly his touch is to her.
"Don't you worry Katniss, you will always be my girl on fire" She was only teasing him but he says it with such sincerity. I feel like I am watching a parent with their child. Cinna pulls her into a tight hug, as I watch them together I don't feel any type of jealousy but hope that I can get to know Cinna like that on a personal level one day. Soon Cinna tells us to get onto our chariot, as I stand next to Ash I can start feeling some nerves all of a sudden, this is the time where everyone is going to decide if they want to sponsor us or not. I'm starting to realize how big of a deal this moment is to our future in these games. Katniss has already told us how important sponsors can be, this parade is the first chance they get to see who we are.
Katniss and Peeta step away, followed by Haymitch, Effie and Cinna as we get ready to take off. The chariot jolts to life and our horse takes us through the door and out into the sunlight. We are at the end of line and I watch as the other chariots go before us. I take a deep breath when Ash takes my hand in his, he must sense how nervous I am and I am grateful for his comfort.
"Everything will be okay" He whispers to me, all I can manage to do is nod my head in response. I take my other hand and hold onto the handle as we start moving again. I hear the roar of the crowd, as we get closer I can see the millions of people screaming our names, my name.
"And coming up is the newest tributes from our favorite district" Caesar Flickerman's voice booms overhead.
"Well your favorite district" His co-host jokes back with him.
"Okay, yes, my favorite district" Caesar lets out a booming laugh. "Coming up from district 12 is Ash Mentra and Ember Levan, from the looks of it they are back to the basic coal mining theme that district 12 has sported for years"
"It seems so, and while there is definitely something intriguing about this pair, it is no volunteer surprise from last year" I listen to them go back and forth as I try and just hold on. I can't even imagine what they would say if I was the first to fall off this chariot flat onto my face.
"That is correct but I have high hopes from the two tributes that will follow our star crossed lovers" As I hear them speaking about us I remember the button in my hand and I press it. I feel the warm sensation that is the flames and then a breeze that comes from the material melting away and leaving only a thin layer of a body suit. I can hear the crowd's screams grow increasing louder from the time the flames appear to when they are gone, leaving me sparkling. "Oh my god, and district 12 does it again. Cinna has brought back the flames that we love but has made it their own" Caesar cannot contain his excitement
"It looks like they are wearing completely different costumes now, they have changed in the middle of the parade"
"It is magnificent! Truly magnificent! It appears that they are supposed to be what comes after the coal" I look down and notice how I shine, I know what Caesar is going to say next before he does. Cinna transformed me from a piece of coal, and now I am a diamond.
"They are diamonds, they prove that greatness is still to come after our girl on fire" Caesar has such a soft spot for Katniss so to hear him say that really means I must have impressed him.
"Just look at how she shines" Even his host can't contain his excitement anymore and the crowd must agree because they are going crazy.
"Ember really is something, she comes from the Seam of district 12 and right now she really proves that she is a diamond in the rough, and man does she shine" I smile and wave to the audience as the sun reflects off my outfit. I soak up the applause I receive as I embrace my new nickname, embrace my new identity, and embrace the person that I was always supposed to be.