Et qu'un tiède frisson court sur les champs de blé,
Un conseil d'être heureux semble sortir des choses
Et monter vers le coeur troublé.
Un conseil de goûter le charme d'être au monde
Cependant qu'on est jeune et que le soir est beau
Car nous nous en allons,
Comme s'en va cette onde:
Elle à la mer,
Nous au tombeau
-Paul Bourget
When in the setting sun the rivers turn to rose,
And a warm shiver rustles through the wheat fields,
A call to joy seems to sound from these things
And rise to the troubled heart.
A call to taste the delights of existence.
Although we are young and the evening is beautiful
Even so we depart
As the river descends:
She away to the sea,
And we to the tomb
- Translation by Emanon Elazon
"Darius, wake up!"
Darius started from his daydream at the sound of his name hissed loudly from across the table. He blinked, coming back to himself with the painful realization that every single eye in the room was staring at him. Goyle, one of the senior coven officers, had halted in the middle of his presentation, and Darius had the distinct impression that he had just been asked a question. He blushed and shrank into his chair and noted that everyone in the room was staring at him with some variation of impatience or irritation. Blitzen was scowling at him from his place at the head of the table.
"Well, Darius, have you decided to join us?" Darius licked his dry lips and gave a small, placating laugh that sounded hollow and wholly inadequate even to his own ears.
"My apologies, sir. I must not have gotten enough sleep last night. Please, um, could you repeat the question, Goyle?"
Goyle adjusted his glasses and glared at him.
"As I was saying, Darius, before we finalize the coven budget we need to know if the Emperor will give us any additional funding for any of the new projects. What I asked for is an update on the status of the grant applications." Darius nodded, grasping for the scrolls in front of him. He rose quickly to his feet as he cleared his throat and tried to find the one he was looking for.
"Yes. Um…" One of the scrolls rolled away from him and unraveled over the edge of the table. It hit the ground with a clunk and kept rolling, finally coming to rest fully unraveled under Blitzen's furious gaze. A chorus of smothered snickers ran round the table. Darius grit his teeth and wished he could call Luci up to swallow him whole and dump him off a cliff into the boiling sea. Instead he allowed her to spread across his shoulders and down below the table for the fallen scroll as he selected the correct paper and began to read.
"I have finished and submitted grant applications for all items on the roster. The Emperor has agreed to fully fund the updates to our training facilities and our educational outreach programs." A low hum of delighted murmurs briefly interrupted him as the coven members shared pleased glances between themselves. Darius cleared his throat and continued. "However, he denied Mencius' request for an Abomination sculpture installation at the Bonesborough Museum of Fine Art, and has sent back the request for research funding on autonomous Abominations."
"Sent back?" Blitzen's tone split the room, spittle flying from his mouth with agitation. "What do you mean 'sent back?' On what grounds?" Darius kept his eyes on his scroll, not wanting to look at the fuming imp in front of him. He felt Luci place the rewound scroll gently on the table and pulled her back into himself.
"My notes just say that he wants more clarification on the scope of your research before he approves funding, sir." Blitzen huffed and crossed his arms.
"You must have been too vague in your wording on the application, Darius. We'll have to discuss it further later. Sit down, Darius, for Titan's sake and let's proceed."
Darius sat, dreading the prospect of any further discussions at any later date and time. A few agonizing minutes later the meeting adjourned and the coven faculty all stood and pushed back their chairs, stretching and chatting with one another as they filed from the room.
Darius hastened to follow them, gathering his scrolls and quills as quickly as he could.
Don't be the last out. Don't be the last out!
In his haste he knocked one of his quills and it went sailing off the edge of the desk onto the floor. Darius dove for it, fingers closing around the polished nib as the last two members disappeared through the door. He scrambled up and swept the scrolls into his satchel, turning towards the door and an escape from…
"Darius!"
Dirt.
Darius stood slowly and turned, a polite smile frozen on his face and a twisting knot of nausea sinking in his stomach. Blitzen sat in his abomination throne, a sneer splitting his grotesque features.
"Your behavior during the meeting today was completely unacceptable, Darius." Darius hung his head and tried to look the embodiment of sincere contrition.
"I apologize, sir. It won't happen again, I swear." Blitzen's abomination waddled over to tower menacingly over Darius.
"It had better not. Slacking off during the meeting is bad enough. No doubt your lackluster efforts are to blame for the rejection of our research project, and poor Mencius' art exhibit." Darius exerted every nerve of self-control in his body to keep from rolling his eyes. The art exhibit was a disgraceful vanity project and it was hardly a surprise that it hadn't made the cut. The research project, though…
"Sir, I think the Emperor wants to know exactly how you are going to go about researching the abominations and a more detailed breakdown of how you plan to spend the snails. In all frankness, thirty-million snails is a lot to ask for and I'm sure the emperor just wants more clarification before he commits to that much support."
"Did I ask for your advice? How dare you take that arrogant tone with me! You think you're so smart pointing out these errors in the application now, so why didn't you think to fix it before you submitted it? Hmmm? Tell me that!"
Because when I tried you nearly bit my head off and told me not to question your authority, you pathetic piece of dirt!
Darius bit his tongue and kept his mouth shut as the imp began to make rather passionate observations on his lack of character. He was used to these sorts of outbursts by now. Four months into the job and Blitzen was still finding ways to single him out for the smallest infraction. He'd be lectured for a whole quarter of an hour if he so much as used the wrong colored ink on documents, assigned additional piles of paperwork for a spelling error, and, worst of all, if he was ever late he had to 'make up for lost time' by accompanying Blitzen after hours.
The fact that the imp was exerting so much effort to manufacture times when they were alone together was not lost on Darius. The why behind it was hardly a secret either. Blitzen had been going out of his way to get close to him, and while he had never outright told Darius he was interested in Luci he was making his intentions blatantly obvious. Darius repeatedly caught him staring at Luci with a desperate hunger on his face when he thought no one was looking. He'd call Darius to his office at odd hours and a couple of times to his private chambers and even suggested once that they go to the sauna together. The pressure to be involved in this research project was the most direct Blitzen had been about his intentions and the thought of letting the imp put his hands on Luci made Darius sick to his stomach.
These requests, while inappropriate, were easy to avoid with various excuses of time and other obligations. The thing that made him most uncomfortable however, and the hardest to avoid, was the constant touching. It was incessant but always passed off as innocent contact. He would brush shoulders with him when standing close together and purposefully moved his chair to sit as close to Darius as physically possible. A brush of the hand when picking up a quill, a hand on his shoulder from behind in greeting, fingers that found their way through Luci purportedly because there was 'something in there,' or whatever excuse Blitzen could think of. It all made his heart race with a vague sense of danger and a desperation not to give Blitzen any chance to isolate him while not getting himself fired.
And he didn't, in fact, want to be fired. This job came with some serious perks. He was paid a handsome stipend and got to live in comfortable quarters within the castle grounds on the Coven's snail. He appreciated the financial stability which enabled him to fund his own personal interests and vanities. He could finally afford high quality clothing that was worthy to pair with his witches' wool cloak. He got to eat out at fancy restaurants and enjoy high quality victuals and vintages while schmoozing on Coven business. He was making great connections with powerful witches whenever he brokered meetings or ran messages for Blitzen, connections that could help him if and or when Blitzen's ominous behavior became too much to handle. He even got to form relationships with members of the Emperor's coven because of his presence on the castle grounds and in morning drills with Hunter, relationships that could place him in favor with the Emperor.
And Hunter…
Being able to spend time with Hunter was the light at the end of the tunnel for Darius. Every morning he got to get up and start his day in the thrill of battle and comraderie. He was living his best life in that hour before the dawn, honing his combat skills with the best soldiers on the Boiling Isles instead of languishing in a sedentary lifestyle away from all the action. The Emperor's Coven were all at the top of their game and most of them were fun to hang out with. It also didn't hurt that the exercise kept him in peak physical condition, and he may or may not be spending copious quantities of snails on clothing worthy of his hot body. Hunter was a fantastic teacher, quick to correct and complement in equal measure, but he was an even better confidant. If he had time to spare before running off on missions for the Emperor he would stay back and listen to whatever Darius had to say, even the most banal of trivialities. He felt so alive, so awake when he was with Hunter. He hated this new research project. It was keeping him away from practice. Away from Hunter and his…
"So? What do you have to say for yourself?"
Darius came out of his musings just in time to catch the question. This was it, his chance.
Oh thank Titan. Time for a little power trip.
If he watched his words Blitzen's ire would be appeased, the lecture would end, and he could get the hell out of there. He cleared his throat and hung his head, trying to appear properly castigated.
"I'm sorry, sir. If you could just give me some further direction on those two points I'll redraw the application and have it ready for you by the end of the day." Blitzen sniffed disdainfully and scowled down at his aide.
"Your laziness is starting to affect the quality of your work, Darius. I'm afraid I can't keep making excuses for you." Darius swallowed nervously as the imp stepped suddenly into his space, alarm bells sounding in his brain.
Too close.
Darius took a small step back, feeling sweat beading on the back of his neck. Luci wobbled on his head and curled into herself, as though trying to hide from the imp's proximity behind his pointy ears.
"I…I'm sorry if my work has been unsatisfactory, sir. I promise I'll work harder from now on. How about you give me your notes and I'll be on my way immediately." The cretin shook his head and smiled, wide and condescending.
"Darius, Darius, my troubled young witch, we've been over this a dozen times already. I don't see why you keep insisting on making life difficult for yourself. If you're having trouble keeping up with the workload you know you can always come to me for help. I'm happy to show you the ropes. With a little adjustment we can make sure everything is running smoothly. I think you'll find I have a lot to teach you."
His voice was low and honey sweet but Darius did not miss a single innuendo in the rise and fall of Blitzen's inflection. He took another step back, larger this time, hoping he was heading for the door.
Back off, you creep!
"You really don't have to do that, sir. I don't want to cause any trouble…" Blitzen interrupted him with a wave of his hand and a slithering step closer to him.
"Tut, tut, tut! It's no trouble at all, my dear boy. I'm very eager to assist you in any way you need. It's a pleasure to help any young witch who needs guidance. Not to mention it's really my duty as your Coven head and superior. Why don't you come with me to my quarters right now. We can have a nice, quiet dinner and I'll go over the grant application with you. With the two of us working together I am sure we'll get everything done on time."
Oh, Hell no! Darius cracked a quivering smile.
"I appreciate the offer, sir, but I couldn't possibly impose…"
"You're sounding a little ungrateful, Darius. Don't you want my help?"
"No!" The sallow eyes narrowed menacingly.
Dirt, dirt, dirt. That was the wrong thing to say.
"I mean, yes?" Darius stammered, flushing with discomfort. "I just… I don't think it's necessary for you to…"
"You know, Darius, I don't think you really understand what I'm offering you." Darius tried to take another step back. The clunk of his boot against the wall sent a wave of panic coursing down his spine.
Trapped. Muck.
Blitzen kept coming on, his abomination swelling side to side until he was caging Darius against the wall. He leaned in so they were face to face. "Your spot in this coven is an important one, Darius, but it comes with certain responsibilities and… expectations." Blitzen's hot breath stung his eyes and Darius tried not to gag at the revolting smell. Against the pounding in his head he thought he heard a soft knock against the door.
"This research project is important for our coven, and it's especially important that you of all people are involved. You're so special, Darius. You and this marvelous creature that shares your body." The stubby clawed fingers came up to his face and Darius couldn't help but flinch and turn his head to the side to look at the door just a couple of feet away. Again a knock, more insistent this time, sounded from the other side.
"I hope that you and I can come to a better understanding of just what your duties entail." The imp traced one long nail up the side of his neck to curl wantonly through Luci. Darius swallowed back the rising panic in his throat, eyes flickering around the room for a distraction, an escape route, anything to help him get away. Luci trembled on his skull, pulling at him and urging him to flee by any means necessary. He slowly slid one hand out against the wall trying to reach for the doorknob as surreptitiously as possible. Instantly Blitzen's golem whipped out a dripping purple arm and flipped the deadbolt, locking them in.
"Now, now, Darius. Don't be in such a hurry. We have work to do, after all." The claws scraped over his skull, tracing the contact point where Abomination met skin. Darius whimpered, a weak, pathetic sound of helplessness that shamed him to his core. His mind raced and his heart hammered in his chest. His limbs trembled, torn between the impulse to push Blitzen away and run and the instinct to make himself as small and non threatening as possible.
"I need to go, sir. I… Someone's waiting for me."
Blitzen hummed contentedly to himself, a sound so sickeningly self-indulgent that Darius' stomach roiled with nausea. Blitzen had no intention of letting him get away from whatever it was he wanted to do to him, or to Luci. A wave of numbness stole through his body, sapping the strength from his arms and legs. He couldn't even feel the wall beneath his fingertips anymore even as he leaned against it for support.
"I'm sure they can wait until you've completed your assignments, Darius. Haven't you ever heard of 'work before play?'" Another claw pressed lightly against his waist and pinned him in place as Blitzen leaned in even further, eyes glazed over with a look of ravenous hunger consuming his countenance. Darius shut his eyes tight.
He had to get out. Had to escape. Luci…
"Please don't touch me, sir." His voice was pathetically weak, but the claws stilled and there was a moment of tense silence. Then Blitzen's fingers came around the fabric of his collar and tugged, yanking his face around so that they were now eye to eye.
"You don't tell me what to do, you arrogant, disrespectful little screw-up!" Blitzen's yellow eyes blazed with anger. "You are my subordinate, and you will do as I tell you. Your abomination is an asset to this coven, and I fully expect you to…"
"Blitzen!"
There was a flash of crimson light and a swirl of white fabric and then the Golden Guard was before them in menacing regalia. His presence filled the room, immediately sending a shockwave of startled relief through Darius.
"I've been kept waiting…" He trailed off as he took in the situation in the room before him even as the room reverberated with the echo of his stern voice. Darius cynically noted to himself that he must look a frightful sight, pinned against the wall with a frantic abomination on his head and disheveled clothes. He wondered what sort of humiliated expression sat enthroned across his features and wished for the first time in his life for a coven mask. Blitzen let go of his collar and Darius seized the opportunity to dart out from underneath his outstretched abomination. His breath was coming in short, ragged gasps of panic between his clenched teeth. The Golden Guard stepped forward, glancing back and forth between a startled, seething Blitzen and Darius, who was struggling to regain his composure.
"Blitzen, what's going on here?" Blitzen's face was contorted into a mask of frustrated rage. He blinked rapidly, as if trying to dispel the ugly grimace on his face and twisted the corners of his lip up into a disarming smile.
"Nothings going on that you need to be concerned with, Golden Guard, sir. I'm just attempting to discipline an unruly and disobedient subordinate of mine." Hunter's face was concealed behind the mask, but Darius still heard the hissing intake of breath before he spoke. His voice was calm and level, but icy cold.
"I'm sorry to hear that. However, as I understand it, you and I have a meeting scheduled for right now and I do hate to be kept waiting." Blitzen had the good nature to blush and wring his hands.
"I apologize, sir. Very sorry for the delay. You are right, of course. I should have remembered. Please rest assured that I would never waste your or the Emperor's time." The masked figure nodded slowly.
"I'm glad to hear it." he turned to Darius with an abrupt gesture. "You!" Darius snapped to attention at the sound of Hunter's tone. "Been insubordinate to your coven head, have you?" Darius, his mouth dropped.
"No, sir!" He stammered, hardly believing what he was hearing. "I was just…"
"Remain outside the door until I am done speaking with your superior." The voice was called and broker no argument. "When I am done speaking with your coven head I will be sure to address your behavior myself. Now go."
Hunter turned his back on Darius and directed a silently fuming Blitzen to sit at the table. Darius stared, completely gobsmacked at the pair for a moment before turning and leaving the room. He felt so strange. It was like his body was frozen in a state of shock. His mind could hardly comprehend what had just happened. He had been cornered. He had been afraid. He had been expecting for something terrible to happen. And then, Hunter arrived, and he thought he was safe.
Except he wasn't.
Hunter had scolded him and threatened him, and now he was stuck waiting. Waiting for what? He didn't know, and everything was suspended in a horrible state of dreaded anticipation. He stood outside for what felt like hours, so confused in body and mind that he couldn't even pace. He stood to a limp sort of attention, right outside the door, faintly hearing the murmuring voices from within, sometimes raised in anger, sometimes quiet and conspiratorial. When the door finally opened, all Darius could feel was the same sickening sense of dread.
"Come." Darius followed the voice, not knowing where it would lead him, or what would happen to him when they stopped. Hunter led him through the doors to the courtyard outside, then, into an archway and up a steep flight of stairs. Darius kept his eyes on his feet, one foot in front of the other and trying to bite back the sickening taste of dread in his mouth. When he finally looked up, he realized that they were back in the library. The library was empty and the tall, dark bookshelves cast long lonely shadows against the warm light of late afternoon. Hunter drew him to a corner and sat him down at a small table.
"Are you okay?" Darius looked up, meeting warm, magenta eyes peering back at him through the narrow eye slits.
"What?" He was so confused
"I'm asking you if you're okay?" Hunter's voice was warm, but grave. His eyes searched Darius's face. "You look like you're about to throw up." Darius stared at the golden face mask again unsure of what he was hearing.
"Are you upset with me, sir?" Hunter shook his head emphatically.
"No, I'm not mad at you at all. I'm sorry if it seemed that way." Darius let out a long relieved breath, feeling the tension drain from his body.
"Oh, thank Titan. I thought you believed him." Hunter snorted and gave Darius a light smack on the arm.
"Ha. Not on your life. I just wanted to get you out of there as quickly as possible without giving Blitzen a reason to retaliate against you later, so I pretended to be on his side and stepped in to punish you for what he said you did. He can't back out without making himself look like a vacillating idiot or a liar. And even if he wanted to back track, what was he gonna do? It's not like he could say no to the Golden Guard, right?"
"That's… that was a really good idea. Thank you." Darius cracked a weak smile. "I'm honestly amazed you were able to plan that far ahead so quickly. Do you always have to think on your feet like this?"
"In the castle? Yes. I'm surrounded by intrigue and limitless ambition at all times. In here the coven heads are always looking for ways to further their own interests and they'll stab anyone in the back who they think is in their way. It's even worse if you have something that they want. Now that you're here too, I would encourage you to prepare as many ways to get out of trouble as you can, especially with someone as cranky as Blitzen."
"Prepare? How can you possibly prepare for situations like that?"
"By assuming that everyone is out to get me at all times. No matter where I am or whom I'm with, I imagine as many uncomfortable or dangerous situations as I can and make myself find a way out." Darius shot Hunter a long, disbelieving look.
"Oh come on. You can't think of everything that could go wrong."
"No, but I can think of a lot." Darius grimaced.
"That sounds like a pretty miserable way to spend your brain space." Hunter shrugged lightly.
"Maybe, but it's better than getting hurt all the time. Belos taught me to always be on my guard and it's kept me alive all these years." Darius was struck once again by the truly staggering isolation that swallowed up Hunter's life. Did he really feel that way? Like he couldn't trust anyone, even the Coven Heads, or the scouts in the Emperor's coven?
Does he feel that way about me?
Darius swallowed hard at the thought.
"Do you think I'm out to get you, too?" Hunter did not immediately respond, and Darius felt his stomach sink with every second that passed waiting for his answer, pretty sure that Hunter's silence was enough confirmation.
"No." It was a quiet answer, almost as if Hunter wasn't quite sure of himself. "Or, at least I hope not. You seem like a sincerely good person. I'd like to think that you wouldn't try to take advantage of me." Darius tried not to feel hurt by Hunter's honesty. Did he really deserve anything more? It couldn't have been easy for Hunter to trust someone he hardly knew, especially someone who had already hurt him. Darius licked his lips and tried to think of something to say.
"I.. I'm sorry. It sounds like no one was really very nice to you when you were growing up."
"It was…" Hunter's voice trembled suddenly and he stopped, taking in a long shuddering breath. "I sincerely hope your experiences in the Covens are not what mine were." Darius found his hands suddenly enveloped in the warmth of two brown leather gloves. He glanced down at them in surprise and then back up to be caught in the intense stare of Hunter's narrowed magenta eyes.
"Darius, what was Blitzen doing to you in the boardroom?"
"He…" Darius gasped and stammered, completely at a loss for an answer, unable to escape that searching gaze.
What had Blitzen done to him, exactly?
He had cornered him, yelled at him, made him feel small and helpless. But what of it? It would sound so silly and paranoid to try to put all of his feelings into words. At best he would look like a pathetic fool who couldn't stand up to a tiny imp. Maybe it was his fault for not making better plans to avoid being alone with Blitzen. Maybe he was making a big deal out of nothing, and from what Hunter had been saying it sounded perfectly normal for Coven Heads to be creepy, bullying asses. Worst of all, Hunter might not believe him, might call him a liar. Or say he needed to let Blitzen run experiments on Luci.
"He… he was just really mad that our funding request was denied. He wants me to redo the paperwork." Darius dropped his eyes and fixed his gaze on the patterns in the rug beneath his feet. He felt Hunter shift, as though trying to catch his eye again.
"That's it? Darius, you've missed morning practice six days in a row. You never miss morning practice. You're practically chomping at the bit to throw hands with someone." The incredulity in his voice made Darius tense with a surge of defensive anger.
"Yeah, well my workload just massively picked up. Blitzen is trying to get funding for research into autonomous abominations and apparently it's my fault that the Emperor sent back the application. At least I have tomorrow off so I have time to get this done."
"Autonomous abominations? Like Luci?" Darius nodded, meeting Hunter's gaze again.
"He's really invested in this project and wants me to be more involved, like some kind of sick poster child. I have a feeling that he wants to run experiments on me to figure out where she comes from and how to make more of her." Hunter let go of Darius' hand and crossed his arms.
"Do you want me to get him to back off?"
"No!" Darius' voice came out like a small explosion in the quiet of the library. He couldn't imagine anything worse than Blitzen getting reprimanded for his sake. The imp was insufferable at the best of times and if he were to get it into his head that Darius was the cause of any disfavor with the Golden Guard he would fire Darius on the spot. Or, even worse, he would retaliate by making Darius' life a living hell at work. Hunter's figure twitched at Darius' outburst but otherwise gave no response. Darius felt heat on the back of his neck and lowered his voice.
"I mean, it's really not that big of a deal. I am a little tired, yes, but it's nothing I can't handle." Hunter stared him down, his eyes intent and searching behind the mask. Darius bristled and tried not to squirm.
I hate it when he does this.
There was a moment of lingering, deadly silence between the two of them before Hunter sighed.
"Look, Darius, if you don't want to tell me, I won't push you. But…" He gave Darius a searching, stern look. "I don't think that you're telling me the whole truth about Blitzen. Isn't honesty a friendship thing?"
Darius shook his head and crossed his arms, feeling small and embarrassed and increasingly annoyed. "It's really nothing, sir. I just am really behind in my work, and Blitzen is taking it out on me. Plus, it's not like friends need to tell each other everything. Don't try to guilt trip me into stuff." Hunter stared back at him through the eyelets, his eyes pensive.
"Okay. Then can I at least help you with your work?" Darius looked up at him, surprised by the question.
"What?"
"Can I help you with your work? I have a little bit of time between now and when I need to report back to Bellos. I would be happy to help you with your paperwork. What exactly do you have to do?" Darius pulled the scrolls from his satchel and set them in front of Hunter, spreading them out on the table.
"I have to work on resubmitting the grant application for research into autonomous abominations." Hunter gave a low hum.
"You mean the one that the Emperor just sent back. I saw it." Darius nodded.
"Yes. Do you know what exactly he didn't like about the proposal?" Hunter sat back, lacing his fingers together.
"Well, quite frankly he doesn't like the idea of autonomous abominations at all. He was very… disturbed when he saw Luci on your head."
"In your memories?"
"Yes."
"Um, how much did he see? Like, we learned how to pull selected memories out of each other at Hexside, but we usually had to have the cooperation of the person we were examining." Darius chuckled nervously. "I hope that you were at least a little selective in what you showed him." Hunter looked down at his gloved hands, clenched together in his lap.
"He didn't pull memories out of me. He went into my mindscape and went through everything in person." Darius went cold.
"Oh my Titan. Everything? So he knows that I stepped on the Titan's blood? He…" Darius felt sick to his stomach. "He knows that you told me your name. Dirt!"
"No, well, not quite. He knows that Luci has something to do with the Titan's blood and that something must have happened to you in the cave, but he doesn't know the specifics. And he doesn't know that I told you my name"
"How is that?"
"Well, I mean it was really dark down there so the last thing he could really see of our interaction was the fall. And after that you were knocked out for a long time, so most of my memory of that time is pitch black silence. He got pretty bored with that and skipped forward, missing most of our conversation after you woke up. He caught the part after you woke up the second time and gave me the lantern, but everything that happened with you and Luci and the little creature thing happened when I wasn't there. After I left I was in complete darkness again, so he skipped again until you showed back up, but by some miracle he missed the part where you told me you stepped on the vial. That was a tense moment for me. I thought for sure he'd go back and examine that memory more closely, and then he'd know…Anyway, after that of course it was just chaos when we were trying to get out, and I got injured and knocked out, and so there was nothing more for him to see."
"What about our conversation in the library?"
"I've spent so much time in the library he didn't even notice anything out of the ordinary about that memory and left it alone. He was mostly interested in our battle and figuring out what you and Luci are capable of." Hunter's voice became grave. "I don't think you need me to tell you just how intrigued he was to come in person to your graduation." Darius felt a slight shiver run through him at the memory.
"Does he look into your memories often?"
"No. He's only done a full-immersion in my mind-scape like this twice before. The spell is taxing on him and it takes a long time for him to recover."
"Does it hurt?"
"I think he was fine, just really tired afterwards." Darius shook his head.
"No, I mean does it hurt you." Hunter was silent for a moment before clearing his throat.
"It doesn't have to."
"So yes."
"No. He was just agitated and in a hurry, which can make things unpleasant." Darius shifted uncomfortably in his chair.
"He said he wanted to look into my memories. Do you think he'd do that?" Hunter nodded slightly.
"He might. I think he knows that Luci is a creation of the Titan's blood, but I also think he believes you when you say you don't remember what happened." A note of amused fondness crept into his tone. "You're a very convincing actor. I bet you were amazing in Omlet. Plus, examining intact memories is hard enough and he's probably not thrilled about the idea of having to sift through fractured ones. Ultimately I'd say he's satisfied for now, but if I were you I'd keep my head down about this as much as you can. This research project of Blitzen's really isn't helping in that respect."
"Dirt. So what am I supposed to do?" Hunter hummed and tapped his finger against his mask.
"Well, what might help is down-playing any suggestion of making more of these autonomous abominations. He might be more amenable to the idea of researching how Titan's blood interacts with Abomination material, especially with regards to teleportation. Or you could make it more about how to interface Abomination material with the body of their caster, like you do."
"What doesn't he like about autonomous Abominations?"
"He says they are a rejection of the Titan's will."
"In what way?"
"They violate the natural order of magical authority. Witches are supposed to be in control of the lower orders like Abominations and an autonomous Abomination that can make decisions on their own isn't under the control of their masters." Darius felt Luci grow hard and brittle on his head and smiled, reaching up to card his fingers gently through her in what he hoped was a soothing gesture.
"My poor baby here doesn't like the sound of that very much."
"I can't say I understand, but it's hardly my place to say. The Titan certainly doesn't reveal anything to me. In any case, let's take a look at your application."
They bent over the scrolls together, comparing notes and circling errors they encountered. As they worked, Darius snuck glances at Hunter. He hadn't seen the man in almost a week but he looked good; professional as always with pristine clothing and a shining, polished mask. His brand new staff was resting against the edge of the table, the embodiment of his power and authority. He still wore his leather gloves, but his hood was down, exposing a head of blond hair and the thinnest hint of pale skin at the nape of his neck. Darius felt his stomach clench strangely at the sight and looked back down at his notes, trying to follow all of Hunter's pointers through the sudden rush of jumbled, confused thoughts.
Amidst the tangle of swirling emotions came a surprising twinge of bitterness which took a moment for him to recognize for what it was.
Jealousy.
It would be really nice having everyone listen to you, and not have to prove yourself constantly. It would be nice to be in the confidence of the emperor, to have your needs met instead of having to beg for funding. Sure, the man was terrifying, but it would be so very nice to have that sort of proximity to power and control without having to deal with creepy middlemen like Blitzen. Hunter had everything he could possibly want and job security to last his whole life. It might come with isolation, an insane workload, and dangerous missions, but that seemed a pretty darn low price to pay for the benefits he didn't even have to earn.
Hunter had said that his childhood was a lonely one, even if he hadn't exactly used those words, and he didn't have any friends, but was that any different than his own situation? Alador still wasn't talking to him, his job made it so that he couldn't hang out with any of his Hexside friends anymore anyway, and his parents were dead. Dead and gone and unable to support him. Hunter had the Emperor as his mentor and enough admiration in every witch alive to satisfy anyone's need for attention. Why should someone like Hunter, who didn't even have magic, get all the luck just because he was born to the right witch?The bitter thoughts swirled in his mind, and he tried to focus down on his paper. Hunter was pointing out some in his wording that wasn't quite right. Darius fixed it while he inwardly seethed.
Hunter just knew this. He just knew how to do everything right because he was born in the castle. He didn't have to endure a painful learning process or being told what a screw-up he was at every misstep. It wasn't fair, and it wasn't right, but there was nothing he could do. The man was successful, talented, and connected. Even without magic, he still succeeded without having to work from the bottom up like a filthy peasant. He really was a prince, born with a silver spoon in his mouth just because of his father's relationship to the emperor.
The thoughts burned like acid in his heart, coiling within him alongside a profound and deepening sense of shame.
Jealous?
Of his friend, his best friend, who had done nothing but listen to him and help him when he was in need? What sort of horrible person was he that he could feel like that about Hunter? Knowing what he did about his life and his struggles, it seemed like an unforgivable act of selfishness.
"Thank you, by the way." Hunter glanced up briefly but continued filling out a section of the application.
"For what?"
"For helping me. With this, and with Blitzen, and everything else you've done for me. I really owe you a lot, don't I?" Hunter gave a soft chuckle from behind his mask.
"You don't owe me anything, Darius. If anything I owe you. Life is certainly a lot nicer having someone around I can talk to, and I really enjoy spending time with you, even if we're just doing paperwork." Darius blushed and fiddled with his hands, lying idle on the table as Hunter filled in his paperwork.
"Well, I like spending time with you too, so I guess we're even." Darius sat in silence for a few minutes as Hunter continued writing, bent over the scrolls in front of him with the same unwavering determination he applied to all his tasks. He paused to look over his work and tapped the quill distractedly against his mask before making further notations. It was such a child-like, unguarded gesture that Darius couldn't help himself.
"How old are you?" The question stung Darius with the sound of his own impertinence even as it left his lips. Hunter froze, quill scratching to a halt in his fingers.
"I mean…" Darius stammered as he scrambled for the right words. "It's just hard for me to tell without being able to see your face. You just seem so experienced and knowledgeable about all this stuff, so you're probably older than me. And when the coven scouts make jokes they seem to go over your head, like you don't get the reference. But that could be because you grew up in the castle. Also, your voice also sounds really young, like higher pitched than mine."
Hunter snorted. "The term most witches use to describe my voice is 'annoying.'" Darius' mouth dropped open at the thought of anyone thinking, let alone saying such a thing to the Golden Guard.
"What? Your voice isn't annoying! It's high pitched, sure. But it's got this gravely quality to it and it's super expressive." Darius was struck suddenly with the memory of their conversation in the utter blackness of the cave. He remembered all the little catches in Hunter's voice, the subtle but sincere cadences of his emotions when he spoke of his guilt, the firm ringing quality it took on when he swore to get them both out.
"I promised you that it was going to be okay, and I swear to you that I am going to do everything in my power to make good on that promise."
In his memory Hunter's voice had been calm and reassuring, an anchor for him in the darkness of the pit as he drifted lost in a sea of pain. Even though Hunter had been in pain himself and wracked with unnecessary guilt, his voice and arms had surrounded Darius with comfort and hope. But Hunter was like that. When Darius was lost in his own head Hunter's voice always cut through the noise. He always found a way forward for them whether on missions or with bloody paperwork.
"You always say what you're feeling in the way that you speak, and it's so cool to listen to you talk about the things you love because I can hear how passionate you are and it makes me excited too. I think I could listen to you for days just to hear…" Darius trailed off, realizing how eloquent he was waxing with distinct horror. "What I mean is that It's…nice."
Darius felt his face burn. He hadn't ever put it into words before, but his feelings about Hunter's voice were genuine. It was a nice voice, and it had soothed him in moments of terror and indecision. It had offered him good counsel and guidance and rebuked him with gentleness. Not to mention the ringing, exuberant sound of his laugh in moments of unguarded levity. It was a truly lovely voice, unique in many ways but special because it was unmistakably Hunter's.
At the moment, however, that voice had fallen silent. Hunter stared with narrowed, incredulous eyes through his mask's eye slits.
"Do you really mean that?" His voice was soft, almost a whisper. Darius fought with the impulse to look away and escape the intensity of that gaze. He needed Hunter to believe him, to know that he wasn't engaging in insincere flattery. He nodded slowly, never breaking eye contact.
"Yes. I really mean it."
"Wow. That's…" Hunter's voice broke and he turned suddenly away and coughed into his hand. When he began again his voice was measured but rich with warmth and affection. "That's really kind of you, Darius. I don't think anyone's ever…" His eyes met Darius'. They were warm and swollen with something that looked almost like gratitude.
"Thank you."
Darius let out a soft "Oh, um. You're welcome," and stared back into those eyes. They held in them a plethora of unspoken emotions and thoughts, and Darius felt suddenly as though all the secrets of the universe were contained in that gaze. It was all there, within his reach, only hidden from him by a thin curtain of brass, and without warning the rest of the world dropped away.
The first time Darius had flown a staff the experience had filled him with an equal measure of elation and frantic terror. He remembered vividly the first sensation of flying, of hovering dozens of feet over the ground with the world spread out vague and blurry like a child's finger painting below. He remembered the rush of the wind in his ears and stinging his eyes, stealing the breath from his body even as his heart hammered with life in his chest.
He felt it now, another wind that caused his eyes to water and his heart to leap into a frantic sprint within him. The butterflies that had swarmed in his belly beneath the tree were waking up within him, stirring in his stomach as they took rose up to crowd out all other feelings, leaving only the sensation of standing teetering on the edge of a precipice, staring into the depths of Hunter's gaze behind the mask. He felt himself rising on those wings, breathless and speechless in the simultaneous rush of terror and euphoria. He found himself unable to breathe looking down into the depths of those eyes, as though his heart was fleeing before a wave that swept away all reason and left behind only the overwhelming desire to reach out and tear down the veil between them.
Tentatively, hesitantly, achingly conscious of the brazenness of his actions, Darius raised his right hand and touched the side of the golden mask. It was cold under his fingers, as resolute and unyielding as the eyes that stared back at him from just beyond its cut edges. His fingers found the rim, felt the brush of warm skin behind it and still those eyes did not break their hold on him.
He'd stop me, right? He'll say something if I go too far.
He levied the slightest pressure and felt the mask begin to lift. Hunter's breath stuttered and the slim throat bobbed with a sudden swallow. The magenta eyes widened slightly, but still he did not look away or tell him to stop.
Ding! Ding Ding!
The clock on the wall shattered the silence with its harsh chime. Darius jerked his hand back as outside the castle bell echoed back the dinner hour in deep, resounding tones and Hunter's eyes flicked up reactively to look at the clock. The spell had been broken. Darius looked down at the papers spread out before him, trying to get his racing heart and thoughts back under control. His hands were trembling slightly so he placed them quickly in his lap where he hoped they would go unnoticed. The both of them shuffled uneasily in their seats as they bent awkwardly back over the scrolls and set again to writing.
It did not take long after that. They worked with a renewed sense of urgency, perhaps motivated by the notice of awaiting food or the need to escape the restless silence that settled between them. Already the sun was hanging low over the castle parapets, streaking the sky with purple and orange as the light which spilled through the tall library windows bathed the books in its golden glow. Together they finished editing the assignment and packed up to go.
"Here," Hunter said, taking the stack of papers gently from Darius. "I'll take those directly to the Emperor and you can tell Blitzen that you have my personal assurance as the Golden Guard that your paperwork is perfection itself. Now you have no excuse for missing morning practice anymore." Darius chuckled and held the door open for Hunter as they passed into the arched cloister, lined with lengthening shadows.
"As you wish, my prince. While I hate the idea of losing even a minute of my desperately needed beauty sleep, I depend on those training sessions to keep me in shape. If I miss even one day of exercise I can feel the stagnation eating away at my stunning physique. Soon it won't be just my hair that turns into a blobby abomination!"
Hunter burst into laughter, the sound echoing in the stone passageway.
"Are you serious? You look fine, Darius, fantastic, even. You obviously put a lot of effort into your appearance today and I'm glad that you have an outlet for your endless creativity. I especially like what you've done with your new cloak. You should wear it more often." Darius felt his inner peacock preen with delight at Hunter's words.
"Why thank you, I made it myself." Hunter nodded.
"I know. You did a great job. But seriously, all of that aside, you know better than to judge people by their looks or size." He crossed his arms. "Remember little Weldon Wrath?" Darius scowled at the name.
"Yes I do. Late-blooming growth spurts should be illegal" Hunter chuckled.
"Well he's been asking about you. He's grown so much that now he's twice the size of everyone else in his sparring group. He's been complaining all week about how he wishes you were there to give him a real fight." Hunter tilted his mask in that teasing way he had. "I think you might have another admirer, Darius." Darius groaned.
"What? Weldon? Please tell me you're joking." The mask shook with Huner's ill-suppressed chuckles. "Nope! He's got a crush the size of the Knee for you. Honestly, though, if you just let him win he would probably lose interest. He seems like the kind of guy to fall instantly in love with whoever can kick his butt." Darius sniffed disdainfully at the ludicrous suggestion.
"And sacrifice my pride? I guess I'll just have to deal with his unwanted attention for the rest of my days."
"Or until someone stronger comes along." Darius gave a mock gasp and slapped a hand to his chest.
"You wound me with the suggestion that such a person exists, dear prince." They came to the end of the cloistered walk and stepped out into an almost empty courtyard. Most of the coven scouts and other staff would be in the great hall receiving their dinner at this time, leaving the castle grounds strangely empty. Hunter stopped in his stride and turned to face Darius.
"Just as a heads-up, I'm going on a mission tonight so I might be late for morning training tomorrow. Be sure to bring a water flask and wear light clothes, because it's supposed to be quite hot and I wouldn't want you passing out." Darius smirked and flung his cloak dramatically back from one shoulder so that it draped magnificently across his back.
"And it's going to be even hotter when I walk through the door." Hunter groaned and gave him a playful slap on the arm.
"Ugg. You are simply incorrigible, Darius." Darius grinned widely and made a mock bow.
"Speak for yourself, your highness. You're just as incorrigible as I am. You just got back from a mission this morning and you're going on another one tonight? You haven't even taken off your boots yet! Can't you get someone to lead morning training for you tomorrow and maybe sleep in for a change?" Hunter shook his head.
"That's a bad idea. If I were to ever sleep in I think I wouldn't be able to get back up again. I'll sleep all I want when I'm dead." He drew up the cowl of his cloak and settled it in place over his head. "Now go eat your dinner and get some rest. I'll see you in the morning."
There was a final clasp of a gloved hand on his shoulder before the Golden Guard turned and mounted his staff. A small push off and Hunter rose gracefully into the air, his cloak flapping behind him as he picked up speed. Darius stared after him as he grew smaller and smaller and finally disappeared over the parapet, trying to tether himself in place even as his soul rose unbidden on the wind to follow.
He stood a minute longer lost in thought, staring up at the tall stone tower wherein Hunter would lay his head down to sleep. He stood there until the wandering trail of his thoughts and the silence of the courtyard were interrupted by the chatter of scouts as they spilled from the Great Hall, an acute reminder of the empty ache in his belly.
Later that evening, as he settled himself into the warm embrace of his bedsheets, his last, flickering conscious thought was disappointment that Hunter had never answered the question about his age.