I do not own Re:Zero or any of the characters.
First Attempt
Ian set the Gospel down inside of the tomb before standing and returning to his two girlfriends who waited outside.
"She's gone, but a contract cannot be ignored," Ian said. "Time to head back."
"It's a shame it didn't continue past Priestella," Rem said.
"It didn't continue past getting Ram her horn back," Ian corrected her. "That was the place I needed to get to."
Rem nodded, then grinned knowingly. "And I suppose it was coincidence that it happened to include instructions to make both of us fall in love with you?"
"Firstly, no coincidence," Ian said. "Secondly, not instructions. It told me how to express my feelings for you both with my actions. It said nothing about how it would end. I was surprised you both agreed to share me."
"Despicable," Ram said. "You do not deserve Ram or her perfect, beautiful sister."
Rem smiled, kissing Ram's cheek. "If we ask nicely, I'm sure he can make the manipulation up to us on the ride back to the others."
Ram glared at Ian for a moment before huffing and looking away. "Ram is not entirely opposed to the idea, if it's what Rem wants."
Ian smiled, climbing up onto their dragon behind Rem, then reaching around both sisters to slip a hand under each of their skirts, giving Ram his right hand, since she'd require the more skilled treatment of his dominant hand to be convinced.
Ian smirked as he carefully packed his new outfits for the Augria Sand Dunes. He'd decided not to get his suit ruined in constant sandstorms, so he'd switched to wearing a grey shirt, tan pants, a tan poncho that reached to mid-forearm and had a tan hood, a specially-recreated, brown neckgaitor to cover his lower face, and a pair of brown boots that the pants would be cuffed into. His swords would be worn across his back to keep them from blowing around, so he'd cut a small hole in the back of the poncho to slip the scabbard of each sword through. Rem and Ram had likewise changed their outfits, at Ian's Roswaal-backed urging to go undercover. Originally, they'd also planned on robes over what amounted to maid uniforms of a different color, however, Ian had other ideas. He had convinced Rem to let him have some fun with their outfits, resulting in one considerably more revealing than was wise for a desert.
Rem would be wearing a dark brown shirt reaching only to just past her areolas, leaving the bottom half of her breasts bare for his enjoyment, a pair of black panties, a tan cloth hanging from a brown leather belt on her right, covering her right leg from the middle of her waist in front to the middle in back, a pair of knee-high, brown, leather boots, a pair of brown, leather vambraces leaving her fingers exposed and reaching to her elbows, and a leather pauldron on her left shoulder, the straps for which ran under her shirt, diagonally, across her torso down between her breasts, then split into two straps level with her diaphragm, the straps wrapping around her sides to meet in back. Ram's outfit, on the other hand, was a dark grey, sleeveless, backless top that ended at the bottom of her ribcage, straps identical to Rem's running from her right shoulder, but only to hold a sort of harness for the stone scythe she'd kept from Priestella, then gauntlets, boots and the bottom half identical to Rem's in all but the color. Where Rem's was dark brown, Ram's was dark grey, and the cloth hanging from her left side, to mirror Rem's, being light grey. Both of them had also traded the maid hairband for a simple brown one. However, considering the harsh conditions in the desert, they'd both be wearing a tan cloak over their outfits, similar to Ian's but full-length. The outfits truly were exclusively for his enjoyment, mostly starting when they reached the Pleiades Watchtower.
Ian grinned again as the noises coming from the next room over disturbed his thoughts. He had expected Frederica and Elena to spend a lot of private time together, including borrowing the dragon from Ian and his girls for a day when they didn't have a hotel to stop at on the way, but Elena was exceeding his expectations. No less than five times a day did the pair find someplace private to eat each other out, and they were very rarely quiet about it.
"They're even more shameful and indecent than you," Ram noted as she walked in, surveying her outfit for the following day before glaring at Ian. "What is that?"
"An outfit," Ian said. "Or, at least, half of one."
"Ram is not wearing anything as lewd and improper as that," Ram said curtly. "And why are there...No."
"Yes," Rem said, cupping Ram's petite breasts from behind. "Do it for me. And don't you want to be able to see me in that?"
Ram let out a slightly-trembling breath before nodding. "Fine. But only if you make it worth Ram's trouble."
Ian smiled, kneeling in front of her. "As you wish."
Ian narrowed his eyes, staring toward the desert as the wind assaulted him like a sandblaster. Apparently, this time of day was always windy and was called "sand time" due to the equally uncreatively named "sand wind" would assault the town for a few hours. Ian had been in a sandstorm once in his life before coming to Lugunica, and it had hurt, it had been freezing cold, possibly because of the time of year, and he had not been able to see. Due to his body's more basic physiological changes since becoming a demon, the only problem he was having right now was the sight problem, as he had to blink to keep sand out of his eyes. He activated his magic, and the wind and sand instantly parted around him until he let it fade again. He'd still be able to fight.
"We should head back," Rem said.
Ian and Ram nodded, heading for the inn they were all staying at for their last night before the desert. Everything had been settled, all necessary arrangements were made, and the traveling order and alterations were set. The Dragon Carriage had new wheels for the sand, they had new Ground Dragons specially adapted to the desert to pull them, and Ian and Subaru's dragons would be accompanying them. Subaru would ride Patrasche with Beatrice and Ian would ride his dragon with Rem and Ram. They both had their cloaks on over their new outfits, and had them pinned closed in front to keep them closed, both for protection and modesty.
"Do you think we're really prepared?" Ram asked.
"No," Ian said. "Try not to pull too much mana, either of you. You're not as resistant to miasma as there's a slim chance I might be."
"You're an imbecile," Ram said. "Don't pull in mana either."
"It doesn't sound like a safe bet," Rem agreed.
"I won't," Ian promised.
The twins nodded before curling into his sides to sleep, clasping their hands on his chest as he wrapped an arm under each of them.
Ian's eyes widened as the sand before them shifted and writhed before beginning to rise, the excess falling away. Then, from the growing mound of sand rose the biggest Mabeast Ian had ever seen. It was a sandworm, a gigantic creature big enough to swallow five people whole in one bite, reeking of rotting flesh, its sand-colored body stripped in brown, a mouth full of jagged, half-rotten teeth, and with acidic saliva dripping to the sand and dissolving it with a muted hiss.
"You just had to challenge the use of the one person keeping the Mabeasts docile, Subaru," Ian grumbled, gripping the hilts of his swords.
Meili smiled from her spot beside Julius. She'd decided to show them why she was necessary, but Ian hadn't expected them to be almost standing on the Mabeast she called. He also wasn't expecting it to be so big. His Whip Sword would only barely reach across its diameter, nevermind wrapping any meaningful length around it.
"You stink!" Meili shouted at the worm. "Go away!"
It swung its head around toward her, seeming to be acknowledging her command before complying and diving back into the hole it had just come from. Ian sighed, releasing his swords as Ram spun the scythe she'd already gotten out of its harness, the shaft of the scythe slipping back into its place on the harness with such a practiced ease that he would have thought she'd spent years practicing. Even more impressive was the fact that she put it away without even having to move her cloak out of the way and reveal the outfit Ian had designed for her.
"Okay, so, currently, Meili is the most useful person here," Ian decided, both twins, Elena, and Frederica nodding in agreement. Subaru, Beatrice, and Julius were all still to shocked at the sandworm's sudden appearance to respond.
"What was that loud noise?" Emilia asked, opening the back door of the Dragon Carriage.
"Meili was just proving her usefulness," Ian said.
"Nothing to worry about, Mili," Subaru said, forcing himself to calm down.
Emilia looked less than convinced, but closed the door regardless. They all continued on, maintaining small talk as they went. Meili, as she had been since she'd heard about the events of Priestella, began to needle Ian for information about his fight with Capella. Finally, he caved in and told her about the fight. When he was finished, she was caught between not believing him and in awe of the fact that someone overpowered the leader of her former organization.
Finally, they reached a large open area where they decided to stop for the night. Emilia formed a wall of ice to block the sand wind that would blow around midnight, and everyone found a place to sleep, Meili assuring them that her power would function even when she was sleeping. Ian, however, had no intention of leaving no one to keep watch.
"The tower hasn't gotten closer," Ram noted as she sat beside Ian, opposite Rem.
"It's the miasma," Ian guessed. "It's probably distorting our senses and making us think we're walking further than we are. Anastasia claims to know a way through it, so we'll have to trust her."
"How are Wolf and Aria?" Rem asked.
"They're basically sleeping," Ian said, holding up his newest addition to his outfit, a necklace with a pair of rough, green magic crystals hanging from it, both glowing faintly. "It conserves mana so they don't run out and have to risk miasma-infected mana."
Rem nodded. "I'll take second watch."
"I'll take third," Ram decided.
Ian nodded in agreement. "Get some rest. I'll wake you up when it's time."
Both nodded and kissed him before lying down to sleep. However, rest was not meant to be. Within an hour, a plan had been established. The miasma was creating an infinite space between them and the Pleiades Watchtower, but there was a path through during the Sand Time. So, they'd have to travel exclusively during sandstorms. What was more, they'd have to travel single-file so that Patrasche and Ian's Ground Dragon could piggyback their wind-resistance off of the one they had pulling their carriage. And, most importantly, Emilia had formed a sort of spear-like ice formation on the front of the Dragon Carriage to diver the excess wind and sand around the carriage, and by extension, Ian and Subaru's Ground Dragons. Ian narrowed his eyes against the sand, both of his girlfriends behind him to protect their eyes by burying their faces in the back of the person ahead of them.
Ian's poncho flapped and waved around him noisily, and he hunched forward against the wind. It was screaming deafeningly in his ears, and his hood was unable to stay up, making him internally grimace at the thought of having to wash his hair later. He could see Subaru doing wild gestures and shouting something, but over the deafening wind, he couldn't even hear Subaru. Then, suddenly, it was over. The shift was so sudden and dramatic, that it left Ian's ears ringing, and Rem and Ram's heads both snapped up, expecting danger. Instead, what they found was the inside of a suddenly calm sand cloud.
Subaru began to celebrate as the sand quickly settled and drifted past them toward the west, where they'd come from, but as soon as Ian and the others were out of the cloud and able to see, Rem sucked in a startled gasp and Ian's hand shot to the hilt of his White Whale sword just as Meili snapped at Subaru to stop talking. Ahead of them, the desert transformed into a truly massive meadow of flowers and grass.
"Courtesan Bears," Ian hissed. "Meili, can you get us past them?"
Meili shook her head. "There's too many. If it's ten, twenty, or even if it's hundred, I can, but a number more than that and there'll be some children to whom my instructions won't reach."
"There's a limit to the number, huh," Subaru nodded.
Meili nodded and continued. "There's also a limit on the quality. Even I, can't order around the White Whale or the Great Rabbit. The Courtesan Bear is at that point, it's compatibility with me is bad. Very different from the Guiltylow."
"So, our choices are now to either press on or retreat," Julius summarized.
"The option to retreat didn't exist to begin with," Subaru said. "Man, I was thinking that we'd catch a break after the Sand Time."
"Is it possible that attempting to move during a different Sand Time would result in a different apace being reached than here?" Julius asked.
"In theory, yes," Ian nodded. "But at the same time, if there are three paths, you have to expect that each has its own obstacles, and none are particularly pleasant."
Subaru nodded. "And with Meili here, this is probably the best option we could have chosen."
"One brings excessive pessimism and the other excessive optimism," Julius teased. "Quite a pair."
"If it wasn't for the miasma we'd have to risk absorbing when we recharge our mana, Rem, Ram, and I could bludgeon our way through," Ian said.
"But if you, or even worse, Ram, lost your minds to the miasma, we'd all be doomed," Subaru said. "So, we're right back to you, Meili. Can you do it?"
"Hm," Meili hummed thoughtfully. "The number is painful, but if you tell me to do it then I'll try doing it. It's not like I have to listen to everything which all of the animals have to say."
Subaru frowned. "You don't need to listen to everything?"
Meili nodded. "For passing through the flower meadow, it would be fine if just the minimum number of Courtesan Bears are quietly gotten rid of. If a path is opened up, for the rest, I'll have them obediently sleep. If they're not attacked, then it can be somehow managed with that."
Subaru nodded, smiling gratefully before turning to everyone else. "I think we should continue. Regardless of what's chosen, there can be no return without jumping into the risk. It's about there being some solution to the problem rather than just running away from it."
Ram scoffed. "For someone who relies on others to attain their own objectives, isn't that quite something to declare with that mouth."
Subaru grinned knowingly and flashed her a thumbs up. "Ultimately, it's no mistake that we have to rely on Meili. By any chance, if it ends up being that we have to attack the Witch Beasts, then we'll have to rely on Ian, Rem, and Ram. How wicked." He paused as Patrasche raised her head indignantly. "And Patrasche, of course."
"You listed your dragon with the cannon fodder," Rem noted.
"How disloyal," Ram accused.
"So heartless," Rem teased.
"Stop teasing before he freaks out and wakes the bears," Ian said.
"Yes, Sir Ian," Rem teased.
"Of course, Sir Ian," Ram teased.
Ian rolled his eyes, drawing his White Whale Sword. "Let's get this shit show over with, shall we?"
"Yeah," Subaru nodded.
Meili nodded and narrowed her eyes. "Move."
Nothing. Ian tensed.
"Move," Meili ordered again, her voice firm and authoritative.
Finally, the field of flowers began to rise. Ian's gut dropped as the countless Courtesan Bears rose sleepily to their feet before the Dragon Carriage, surveyed them, and them slowly moved aside. In that moment, Ian's brain analyzed the threats. Massive creatures in the shape of bears from his own world, but with short legs and disproportionately long arms that scraped the ground and that were tipped with hooked claws. It also had no fur, instead possessing a layer of roots coiled endlessly around it, like a network of blood vessels running outside of its skin. And its skin anywhere lacking roots was emaciated, horrifically. Its body had withered and shriveled so mach that its skull was visible through its head's flesh, and its eyes had grown bloodshot. They also all stunk of damp earth and flowers, suffocatingly so. However, neither their emaciated appearance of their flowery smell detracted from the sense of overbearing danger pressing down on Ian and the others as over a hundred rose at once and moved aside, opening only a small channel. That channel grew as they all moved forward single-file, and within seconds, Ian had lost count of how many Courtesan Bears they'd passed.
And then, of course, the path behind them closed. And still they traveled. They made it multiple hundred meters before trouble arose. A lone bear stood in their path, blocking their way. In response, more and more previously docile and obedient bears began to stare at them like they were lunch. Ram narrowed her eyes, raising one hand and gripping her scythe with the other, Rem reached back inside her cloak and withdrew the handle of her flail from nowhere, and Ian's arm holding his sword tensed.
"Sshh!" Meili shushed them.
Everyone waited in a tense silence, and after a moment, Meili began to click her tongue at the first bear to disobey her. Not a harsh or scolding one, but the sound like someone would do to call a cat to them. She began to brush her fingers together in the same manner as she made the noises as well. Then, once she had its attention, she swung her hand to the side. Like a dog chasing an imaginary ball with its eyes, it turned in the direction she'd swung her hand, then took a step. Ian saw the others relaxing, but he and the maid twins made no move to do so. Then, just as all of the other Courtesan Bears began to move out of their way again, the drawn bowstring of tension was loosed, setting the impending chaos into motion. The Ground Dragon they'd borrowed for the desert, which Subaru had named Gyan, roared and stamped its feet aggressively, apparently unable to withstand the tension any longer. The reaction was immediate. All of the Courtesan Bears around them roared and leapt at the victims in their midst.
"Ul Fura!" Ram shouted.
"El Huma!" Rem and Emilia both shouted, Emilia having gotten on top of the Dragon Carriage to help fight if necessary before they started through the bears.
As Ram's massive blast of wind blades ripped outward through the Courtesan Bears ahead of them and a barrage of ice spikes the length and width of an arm skewered the Courtesan Bears charging from the back and left sides, Ian's Hundred Man Strike mowed down rows of bears to both sides and behind them.
"Run!" Subaru shouted.
All of the dragons surged forward instantly, and Ian spurred his dragon to the front, his dragon stepping off the bits of Courtesan Bear corpses now rather than the blood-drenched sand. More bears surged toward them from the sides, swinging around in front of them, only for Ian to send out a pair more Hundred Man Strikes to delay their escape route's collapse. More bears began to gain, only for Emilia to encase them in ice. A bear managed to reach the carriage from the side, only for Julius to kill it with a swift, precise stroke of his sword. Another reached Ian, only for his sword to flash around, the bear's head sailing into the air. And then, Meili summoned a Sandworm. It shrieked deafeningly as it rose, tearing into the Courtesan Bears at Meili's command, only to be overwhelmed within seconds. Ian slashed another bear as Meili summoned six more worms, but these were all only half the size of the first. Elena leaned out of the window.
"We're almost there!" Elena shouted.
Ian glanced at the tower, seeing that she was right, but returned to the battle.
"What's that light?" Elena shouted.
Ian turned his head, but just as he did, a flash of light shot down from the tower for each of them, plus each Ground Dragon, and suddenly, their heads were simply gone. The Carriage flipped, crashing to the ground and smashing apart, the shrapnel shredding everyone inside the Carriage as the Courtesan Bears rushed to swarm everyone else.
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