Kotori could remember the first time she watched a person die.
She had been ten years old and deployed to Iwa during the third shinobi war. Her team was part of the unit responsible for blowing up supply chains. Kotori had always been small for her age and her smaller chakra reserves were easily suppressed. A little dirtying her up made her blend in with orphans in war torn areas. She would sneak into enemy camps and pretend to beg for food while planting exploding tags in their supplies. It was usually the signal for an attack by the nearby Konoha forces.
She had been caught by an Iwa shinobi and held down in the resulting chaos her third time. She remembered thinking this was it as the man held her down, his hands closing around her throat as she struggled and thrashed and tried to rely on her taijutsu training to take down a grown man over three times her size. She remembered the relief and horror as a shadow pierced the man through the chest, spraying her with blood.
Ensui had yanked the man off of her before pulling her to her feet and pushing her to keep moving forward. He was always there at the worst moments of her life, helping to pull her to her feet and urging her to keep moving. There was no time in the middle of war or a mission to break down.
She was no longer a ten year old genin in the middle of a war. Or a twelve year old chunin being informed that her family had been killed by the nine tailed fox. She shouldn't need her former teacher so much. Especially not now. Shinobi don't cry. She was jonin ranked and a member of ANBU; she should have better control of her emotions. She should be able to push them aside and do her duty.
Ensui held her, stroking her hair with one hand while the other wrapped around her shoulder. He didn't offer any placating words as she buried her head into his chest and sobbed.
Sayuri was her friend. One of her first friends. She could remember meeting the other girl her first day at the academy. The two girls were looking for the same classroom and Sayuri had grabbed her hand, pulling her along.
"Come on then, we're going to be late!"
They had been inseparable since then.
Eventually her crying subsided and her eyes flickered up to meet his. The stag mask was off and there was a pinched expression on his face. Kotori realized he was probably only keeping it together for her sake.
His dark eyes softened for a moment. "Why don't you come spend the night?"
Kotori felt like a child as she nodded, but couldn't bare the thought of going back to her apartment alone after this.
Ensui slipped his stag mask back on and Kotori followed suit. She felt oddly numb in that moment. She had heard stories of ANBU agents who could separate themselves into two different people. She thought they meant they had a professional work side on the job and a personal side around their friends and family. Kotori had always blurred the two, professional and personal, Hawk and Kotori, work and family.
She let herself slip fully into her Hawk persona, relying on training and instinct like she was on a mission. It made things easier.
She noticed two ANBU approaching with clipboards as they left. A third knelt next to Sayuri, inspecting her eyes. Hawk glanced around and realized she no longer recognized the ANBU around the Uchiha district. She couldn't spot the members of Team Ro or Team Fu. It wasn't unusual, there were a couple dozen teams and Hawk didn't know everyone. In light of the circumstances, it seemed suspicious.
Hawk channeled chakra to her ears.
" - awoken the Mangekyo before death - "
" - add her to the list - "
"Stag and Hawk," a voice interrupted. "Your teams have been relieved of their duties."
Hawk knelt before Lord Danzo. These must be the shinobi under his command then. She had heard whispers that Lord Danzo oversaw his own fraction of ANBU. The unspoken rule in ANBU was that you did not mention them. Not even Gecko would speak of it.
Stag spoke for the pair of them. "Sorry, Danzo-sama. We will take our leave now."
Hawk urged her to listen to her superiors however Kotori felt frozen to the spot, not wanting to leave her friend's body behind. Not ready to leave her friend's body. Stag grabbed Hawk's arm and quickly pulled her away. She followed him as he darted across the rooftops towards the Nara compound on the other side of the village. No one was stupid enough to go into the Nara clan lands uninvited. They lived on the outskirts of Konoha and were here long before the village was founded.
Some clans had high walls around their compounds and others were more like a neighbourhood. The Nara were more open, however there was often a sense of foreboding between the old forest and shadows that surrounded them. During the daytime, sunlight would filter in through the trees, dancing in patches on the ground. She could tell they were being watched as they walked along the path. Whether by other clansman or deer she was unsure. She knew she was safe as Stag signalled at someone in the distance.
Hawk pulled off the mask and let the flood of emotion finally consume her. Angry tears collected in her eyes as she spun on Ensui.
"What is the Mangekyo?" Kotori demanded. She could remember the unique pattern in Itachi's eyes as he cleaned his blade. It wasn't the same as the three tomoe pattern Sayuri shared with the rest of her clan.
"If you overheard anything, you best forget it," Ensui growled.
"They're taking her eyes, aren't they?"
"Kotori. I'm warning you - "
"Isn't that convenient? The entire clan is dead and - " she bitterly said.
The normal procedure for when a member of the Uchiha or Hyuga clan died was to immediately destroy their body so that their eyes couldn't be stolen. Sayuri had made it abundantly clear that she expected her teammates to do it in the event she died on a mission. In fact, Kakashi having a sharingan was a rare exception and Kotori doubted that had gone over well with the Uchiha clan elders.
Now there were no clan elders left and the vultures were sure to circle.
Ensui quickly pinned her to the tree with his arm and clamped a hand over her mouth. There was an intense look in his eyes and his voice dropped to barely a whisper. "Danzo-sama is a trusted advisor to the Hokage. Be very careful what you say, even here, even to me."
Kotori glared up at him. He stepped on both of her feet, further preventing her from moving.
"You're a smart girl, Kotori. There's nothing I can do for Sayuri, other than mourn for her. My duty is to the living now." He removed his hand so that she could answer.
"But -!" She protested. How could they just let Sayuri's killer go free? "What about Itachi?"
"No." Ensui cut her off, his expression darkening. "If you pursue Itachi in revenge the only grave you'll be digging is your own."
Ensui released his hold on her. Kotori slid down the tree until she was crouched on the ground. She felt utterly powerless and hopeless in this situation. "What do we do?"
"I don't know," he admitted. "For now, my priorities are to keep my family safe and that includes you. So keep your head down and keep your birds out of places they don't belong."
"But Sensei - " It wasn't right. They couldn't let Itachi get away with this.
Ensui sharply shook his head. "Kotori-chan, please, don't get yourself killed."
"I - " Something about the sheer desperation in his tone left her shaken. Ensui was not one to beg. "I won't do anything."
Relief was evident in his eyes. He looked about as exhausted as she felt in that moment. "One day, he'll get what's coming to him."
Instead of leading her towards his house, Ensui continued to the main building. It was where the clan's head - Ensui's older brother - lived with his family.
"Kosuke is waiting with Yoshino," Ensui explained. He knocked a quiet pattern on the door and then flared his chakra in a distinctive pattern.
The door slid open just a crack and Nara Yoshino peered at the both of them. "Come in."
Kosuke and the children were gathered in the living room. Rika was sleeping with her head in Kosuke's lap while Shikamaru was stretched out on a sofa opposite to them. A green blanket with a pattern of antlers and leaves had been gently placed over him.
Yoshino was suddenly pushing a cup of tea into their hands and urging them to sit. Kotori breathed in the steam, focusing on the earthy scent mixed with some floral. A few tentative sips helped with the bone-aching exhaustion that came with low chakra and a week long mission. Kotori sighed as she slumped into the lone armchair.
"What happened? Suzaku said Uchiha Itachi killed his entire clan - surely there were survivors. The civilians - the children - ?"
Ensui quietly shook his head. "We're still investigating."
Yoshino covered her face in horror. Her legs seemed to give out as she sat next to Shikamaru.
"And Sayuri-chan?" Kosuke softly asked.
Ensui sunk into the sofa next to his wife. His eyes closed as he bowed his head into his hands. "Her too."
The shatter of a porcelain teacup was Kosuke's only response. Her large brown eyes watered as she looked between Ensui and Kotori. "No! Not - oh Ensui, I'm so sorry. I know those girls mean the world to you."
Kosuke's hand started running circles into her husband's shoulders. Meanwhile Kotori and Yoshino both jumped to clean up the spill. Yoshino pushed Kotori back into the chair.
"Sit and drink your tea," she commanded in a tone that left no room for argument. "You look like you're about to collapse. You jonin are all the same, pushing yourselves to the absolute limit."
"What about Sasuke?" Shikamaru suddenly asked, his eyes blinking open and intently staring at Ensui. So the kid wasn't asleep like she had assumed. He listed off a few more names that Kotori assumed were probably other Uchiha children at the academy. "Kenta? Mayumi?"
Ensui lifted his head and glanced at Yoshino. She gave a grimace before sitting back on the sofa and wrapping an arm around her son. Shikamaru leaned into Yoshino as if subconsciously preparing for bad news. Yoshino rested her chin on top of his head as she ran her fingers through his loose hair.
"Sasuke is the only survivor," Ensui explained. "He's been taken to the hospital."
Shikamaru's face crumbled. His brows drew together as if he was trying to process. Kotori wondered if it was the first time someone he knew died. It was such a strange concept as a child, even if children in their village became acquainted with it all too young. That someone could be there one day and then gone the next.
Kotori squeezed her eyes shut, the realization once again that Sayuri was gone. She was no stranger to grief, yet time had dulled her to the sudden, sharp pain of losing a loved one. The way it ebbed and flowed in the background.
They sat in the living room, each lost in their own thoughts. She could hear Yoshino mutter soothing words to Shikamaru as the kid started crying. Rika seemed to have woken up and Ensui picked her up, tightly holding her in his arms as he paced the room. Kotori pulled her legs into her chest and buried her face into her knees. Part of her wanted to go home, almost feeling as if she was intruding on a private family affair. Another part of her dreaded going home and being left alone with her thoughts.
Yoshino suddenly took in a sharp breath. "Someone is coming."
Kotori and Yoshino slid in a defensive position, prepared to give Kosuke time to escape with the kids. Kotori's hands flipped through the seals and pulled a lightning arrow back, ready to release at a moment's notice. Yoshino's shadow snaked across the floor and then up along the walls, preparing to create her shadow barrier jutsu. Ensui handed Rika back to Kosuke, his body deceptively relaxed as he waited. Shikamaru grabbed a kunai off of the coffee table.
There was a polite knock on the door. It didn't have the same pattern that Ensui used. He glanced at Yoshino who narrowed her eyes and shrugged. She was a sensory type, however it seemed she wasn't familiar with the chakra of the person outside. Not someone from the Nara clan then, but probably not a foe. Rogue ninja usually didn't knock and wait for a response.
Ensui slid open the door, kunai in hand. "What are you doing here?" Ensui growled.
Kotori recognized the almost apologetic voice on the other side. "Shikaku said I would find Kotori here."
Ensui remained in the doorway, blocking Kakashi's entrance. Kotori relaxed, carefully letting her chakra fizzle out in her hand. Yoshino exhaled, her shadow retreating back towards her.
Ensui leaned against the side, crossing his arms. "You couldn't just send her a message?"
"I'd rather talk in person, if you don't mind."
"Ensui, don't be so difficult," Yoshino scolded. "I'm sorry Kakashi-san, please come in. Did my husband send any news?"
"He said don't wait up," Kakashi breezily replied. Despite the light tone, his face remained serious. His lone eye quickly surveying the room before resting on her.
Yoshino crossed her arms. "That man. He's still in the village at least?"
"Yes," Kakashi said. "Teams have been dispatched to find Itachi."
"They've confirmed it was Itachi then?"
Kakashi's eye flickered towards Shikamaru and Rika before he closed it and gave a fake smile. "Let's just say we have it on good authority."
"Witnesses?" Ensui asked. He glanced towards Kotori.
She gave a slight nod to confirm his suspicion. "I thought Sasuke was unconscious?"
"Inoichi was able to confirm it was Itachi," Kakashi said. It was met with a grimace from the shinobi who were familiar with Inoichi's methods. "Which brings me to the reason for my visit. Inoichi would like to see you when you get the chance. He'll be in his office around seven."
"Okay."
That was only a few hours from now. Kotori doubted she would be getting any sleep. It would be best to go home, freshen up and take a solider pill. She was sure the next few days would be busy. Having a mission or task would give her something to do, keep her mind preoccupied.
Kakashi shoved his hands in his pockets and looked uncomfortable in the Nara's family home. Shikamaru tilted his head and curiously looked at him. Kotori realized then that the three of them were unmasked - or at least as unmasked as far as Kakashi went - while still dressed in their ANBU uniforms. Well, there went their identities.
"That could have been a messenger bird," Ensui grumbled just loud enough for Kotori to hear. "Or Shikaku would have said it when he got back."
Kosuke stepped on Ensui's foot while passing Rika over to him. He sighed, but his expression softened a little as he held her. Rika grumbled before burying her face into her father's shoulder.
Kakashi's eye flickered towards Kotori and then towards the veranda outside. Kotori knew he wanted to talk to her in private. She made their excuses and led him outside.
He leaned against one of the posts while Kotori clutched the handrail, leaning forward to stare off into the distance.
"Mission?" She wondered if they would be asked to track Itachi. She tilted her head to face him.
"No mission. After you meet with Inoichi you're free. The team is meeting at three for some training, although I understand if you don't make it."
"That's it?" She skeptically asked. She waved her hand. "What about-?"
Kakashi's expression darkened. "We've been dismissed from the case."
"What do you mean dismissed?" Kotori hissed. "You're the best tracker we have! If anyone had a chance at finding Itachi it would be you."
Kakashi shrugged. "I don't make the decisions."
"Why did you come here? You know how to contact me through my birds."
His eye lowered, avoiding hers. "I wanted to talk to you in person."
"Why?"
"Ah, since when do I need a reason?" Kakashi said. His eye curled into a smile although she doubted it was sincere. He was trying to deflect the question. Months of cold stone silence from him and suddenly he was being nice because she witnessed her best friend -
His shoulders were slumped and his hand awkwardly scratched the back of his head. Oh. That's why he was here.
He so rarely spoke of the friend who had given him the sharingan. Kotori only knew the name Uchiha Obito because he had been a cousin of Sayuri's. She didn't even know the name of the girl who had thrown herself in front of Kakashi's chidori. He never mentioned his sensei although she knew it had been Lord Fourth. She found she couldn't be annoyed with him.
Kakashi rested his hand on top of hers. "Take whatever time you need." His fingers interlocked with hers as he squeezed them.
"Thank you."
Someone cleared their voice behind them. Ensui had his hands in his pockets and an unreadable expression on his face. "Sorry to interrupt."
He didn't look sorry at all.
Kakashi quickly withdrew his hand. "I should get going. I'll be around if you need me."
He was gone in a puff of smoke before anyone could respond.
"You know," Ensui said, staring at the space where Kakashi had just been standing. "I'm not above feeding him to the deer if he comes back."
"They're herbivores."
"Plants still need fertilizer."
"Sensei - "
"I can't protect you from everything," Ensui said. He was twirling his kunai now. "But I can at least try to stop you from having your heart ripped out."
Kotori gave him a filthy look. "Do you mean that literally or figuratively?"
Ensui grunted. His eyes were red rimmed again and he quickly blinked them a few times. "You know how I meant it. Fuck, why couldn't you three stay cute little genin forever?"
"Do you remember the day we met you?" Kotori blurted out, trying to distract both of them. If Ensui started crying, she didn't know how she would handle it.
Ensui scratched the bridge of his nose. "Of course I do. Shikaku kicked my arse out of bed and told me I was now a jonin sensei and to meet my team in ten minutes. Yoshino gave me instructions. Told me not to fucking swear in front of the kids."
"That lasted for all of five minutes into our survival training," Kotori reminded him. "Fucking girls. Shikaku is probably laughing his ass off right now."
Ensui's smile was bittersweet. "I had the last laugh when you wiped the floor with his team in the second chunin exam."
"You bet on us, didn't you."
"Of course I did. Shikaku paid our bar tab for the next two years. He thought at least one or two from his team would have made chunnin and then you three knocked them out before the final exam."
Kotori sniffed as she remembered their chunin exams. They were one of six Konoha teams that had been sent to Suna that summer. It had been hot and miserable the entire time and Kotori was finding pieces of sand in her bags for months afterwards. On the way back, Ensui had taken a detour to a coastal village and the four of them had a proper vacation to celebrate their promotions. It had been the blissful time between the war and the nine tails attack and everything seemed so promising.
They were so young and naive.
"Come here," Ensui sighed. His eyes were damp as he wrapped an arm around her. "Troublesome kunoichi, the lot of you."