AN: As a writer, I struggle with the need for proper warnings but also wanting to avoid spoilers. So let's just say this chapter earns its mature rating (but not explicit) and when you get to that part you can skip to the end without missing much. I'm super excited, but also super nervous posting this one! Well, enjoy xo.

It had been weeks since the Uchiha massacre. The bodies had been quickly cremated and a memorial service held. Uchiha Sasuke had yet to wake and it was unknown if or when he would. Kakashi had arrived on scene, only for the ANBU commander to immediately dismiss his team. There had been an emergency meeting for the ANBU captains, only to find out that they were taking on duties that had once belonged to the Konoha Military Police Force. It meant reshuffling the schedule so that teams would rotate and spend time patrolling the village. There was already talk of recruiting more ANBU to help with the extra duties.

He didn't like it. The entire thing was just too convenient. The unrest from the Uchiha, Danzo's obsession with obtaining the sharingan and now the entire clan was just gone. Kakashi only had suspicions. Suspicions he left in the hands of the Hokage. There was little else he could do.

Kakashi had a feeling that Danzo's fraction of Root was overseeing the investigation. Darkly, he thought that Danzo now had his pick of sharingan to steal. Well, at least he shouldn't have to worry about any more assassination attempts coming from that direction. Not unless Kakashi decided to dig up any more of Konoha's dark secrets by the entire leaf, stem and root.

Kakashi hated being on standby in the village. Too much idleness gave him time to think. Not that he was alone in that regard. Kotori seemed to be trying to throw herself into missions. She had managed to get two back to back solo B-Rank missions in before he started having mandatory team training so that she couldn't just disappear. For so long, she had been his light in the darkness. He hated watching that same darkness consume her. She showed up for training or assignments and then left before he could pull her aside. He felt powerless to help her.

So he may have volunteered his team for the next two weeks of this new ANBU patrol. It would give her some time in the village before they could go off on another mission.

He tried not to think too much on the hypocrisy of that.

Kakashi hung out in the ANBU lounge, eavesdropping on the conversations around him. It was always good to know what was going on with the rest of the organization. He stretched out on one of the sofas as he read, keeping an ear to Rabbit and Llama's gossip. There was nothing of particular interest to him. Unless he cared to know that Rabbit was hooking up with Weasel in the ANBU locker rooms after missions.

Tenzo's tiger mask loomed over him, its eerie mocking smile not matching Tenzo's even tone. "What happened?"

"I'm going to need you to be more specific."

"On your mission to the capital."

Kakashi sighed. The hushed silence between Llama and Rabbit confirmed that they had caught their attention.

"We're not having this discussion."

When Kakashi made no movement to get up to follow Tenzo to a place where they could speak, his book was yanked out of his hands. Tenzo dangled it in front of him. "Every minute you stay there, I'm tearing a page out."

"You're so cruel," Kakashi mocked. Tenzo taking an interest in people's personal lives was adorable and should be encouraged. It was not so long ago that Tenzo would stare blankly at him when he teased him. Now he was not only joining in, but initiating it. Kakashi just wished the personal life in question wasn't his. Why couldn't Tenzo take an interest in Genma? Now there was a personal life worth intervening in. Genma had no shortage of girl problems and was probably dating three at the moment.

Kakashi gave a melodramatic sigh before getting to his feet and following Tenzo out into the corridor. Tenzo crossed his arms and tucked his chin into his chest. Kakashi could almost picture the disgruntled look behind the tiger mask.

"I told you to ask her on a date or stop leading her on. So you decided to behave like a jerk. Did you know Captain Ox approached her for the opening on his team?"

He felt like something heavy slammed into his chest, forcing all of the air out of his lungs. He didn't want - Kotori couldn't leave. How was he supposed to keep her safe if she wasn't on his team? Now more than ever he needed to keep her close.

"She can't. I won't authorize it."

"Well, maybe you should do something. A hostile team is a valid reason to leave, especially if the captain is the cause. The Commander would overrule it."

"I'm not hostile."

Kakashi could almost hear Tenzo's eyes rolling. "You are aware that your words and actions don't match?"

Kakashi knew how he could come across. He had only meant to discourage any growing affections. He hadn't meant to create any hostility on the team.

"She can leave, but I won't see her on Ox's team. She deserves better."

"I already talked her out of it."

Kakashi smiled bitterly behind the mask. "She might reconsider if she understood her options. Captain Badger has offered to trade on several occasions. She and Stag worked together in the past. They have asked for her again."

Recently. Although Kakashi suspected that was more Ensui's doing. He wasn't the only one concerned about Kotori and trying to keep an eye on her.

"You need to make nice."

"Ah, now's not the time. Her friend is dead." It didn't seem fair to suddenly drop his problems in her lap.

"Hm," Tenzo thoughtfully said. "I would think that's all the more reason."

"Tenzo - "

"You're afraid she will die one day. But isn't that inevitable? Everyone dies eventually. If she's lucky, it won't be for another sixty years. But if she's not - do you really want to spend the rest of your life standing at a memorial stone wondering what could have been?"

Kakashi spent hours every week doing that already. He would have given anything to roll back the clock and be a better friend to Obito and Rin. Perhaps things could have been different. Perhaps they would still be alive. He had precious few good memories of Obito and Rin, he had been such an arrogant little jerk. All he had were regrets. Is that how he would feel one day?

"When did you get so wise, Tenzo?"

"When you started being an idiot, Senpai."

Kakashi's lips twisted beneath the mask. "Is that really any way to speak to your elders?"

Tenzo's ears went red as he realized he had just called his captain an idiot. Kakashi didn't mind. This new side of Tenzo was more fun.

Kakashi didn't know if Kotori would even want to see him. He could at least check on her, from a distance. The more he searched, the more he grew concerned. She wasn't at her apartment or with any of her usual friends. She wasn't at any of her preferred training grounds. She wasn't at the memorial stone. He summoned his ninken and had them search the village for her. She had better not be off on a mission. He would track her down and drag her back to the village.

It wasn't long until Akino had picked up her scent. Kakashi sighed with relief until his ninken lead him to the Rusty Kunai. Perhaps he should have guessed. He had been too young after the deaths of Obito, Rin and Minato to understand the appeal and even if he had, no one would have let him. He preferred to stay in control anyway.

Kakashi silently slid into the empty stool next to her. She didn't seem to notice him. The shinobi to her right kept droning on about some B Rank mission. He seemed to fancy himself a kenjutsu expert and was offering to teach her. Kakashi concluded two things from the conversation. They weren't friends, in fact, Kakashi was sure the man did not even know her name. The man was also trying to talk her into going back to his apartment and Kakashi very much doubted the intent was some late night training.

"I'm really not interested - "

"Nonsense! A pretty little thing like you - "

"I said I'm not interested - " There was a rare tremor of anger in her voice.

Kakashi noticed that every time Kotori said she was not interested, the shinobi would top off her glass of sake. She didn't seem to notice as she sipped her drink and Kakashi wondered how much she had had. Kotori was normally very observant of her surroundings. In fact, she still didn't seem to notice he was sitting next to her. Anger bloomed in his chest at the thought of this shinobi purposely getting her drunk and trying to take advantage.

"She said she's not interested. In case there was any misunderstanding." He closed his eye in a mimicry of a smile while his lips pressed firmly together behind the mask.

"Mind your own business, Hatake," the shinobi said. "We're having fun here, aren't we sweetheart?"

"Not really," Kotori said. She rested her chin on her hand as she closed her eyes and gave a fake little smile to the shinobi. "Your missions could be handled much more efficiently by using ninjutsu or even stealth techniques. Especially if you want to make tokubetsu or jonin, which I don't need your help with, for the record. Although, you could stand to learn a thing or two from my friend, Yugao, about kenjutsu. She's a true prodigy. Thank you for the drinks, but it'll take a lot more than poor judgement and a bottle of sake for me to sleep with you."

There was a moment as her words sunk in. Kakashi concluded he might have to intervene. Kotori had lost all of her normally polite filters.

"You little bitch."

Kakashi wrapped an arm protectively around her shoulder. He decided to draw the attention back onto himself in hopes that the shinobi would just leave. "Sorry I'm late. A rogue goose was sitting outside my apartment building so I had to sneak out around the back."

She gave him a tight smile. Her body relaxed against his. "Better late then never."

He enjoyed watching the blood drain from the shinobi's face. "I, ah - she's with you?"

"That appears to be the case."

The shinobi warily glanced at him. Kakashi knew his reputation preceded him, very few would be comfortable challenging him. Alcohol had clearly emboldened this one enough that he had pressed the issue so far. The man caved, tossing his drink back and mumbling, "Just a misunderstanding."

The man slunk off to join a group of chunin clustered around a table in the back corner.

"I could have handled it." Kotori was pouting as she poured him a drink. It bothered her when others in their village didn't take her seriously. Kakashi knew she struggled with asserting herself as a leader outside of their team. Her small statue and friendly nature usually meant many underestimated her. Despite her rank as a jonin, she rarely took more than a B-Rank in the regular forces and most assumed she was another chunin.

"I know." He sheepishly ran his hand through his hair. "I figured I would speed things along."

She took a long sip from her drink. "So, what are you doing here?"

"Do I need a reason to come to a bar?"

"I'm not in the mood for your bullshit," she said with a sigh. "I know you don't drink or at least, not more than a token cup. You use a substitution jutsu and that's if you even drink it at all because I've never seen you take off the mask. I never called you on it because I figured at least you were coming out with us."

He took the offered drink to prove her wrong. He had his back to the rest of the bar and Kotori was polite enough to advert her eyes whenever he lowered the mask. A tense silence settled over them. Kakashi wondered how to even begin to ask the questions he wanted to ask. How are you doing? Are you upset with me? They were too generic and broad and he could think of several ways she could get away with half truths or evasion because it's what he would do.

Why were social interactions always so complicated? He could navigate a literal mine field with ease but he stumbled when it came to talking about delicate personal matters.

"Let's play a game," Kotori suddenly said. "Every time I say something about you that's true, you take a drink."

"Fine," he slowly agreed. "But if I say something about you that's true, you need to drink."

He passed her a glass of water. Based on her body mass and the percentage of alcohol in sake, he doubted she could handle very much before he would have to carry her home. He was also unsure how much she had had before he had arrived. He knew from past experience she was good at hiding it. Then suddenly she would either start giggling or start falling asleep. Tonight she seemed more morose and he wasn't sure what to expect.

"You're checking on me because Sayuri-chan is dead."

He took a sip. She nodded, her lips thinning into not quite a smile or a frown. She seemed to have expected that answer.

"I'm fine, you know," she quietly said. Her eyes stared straight ahead. "As fine as I'm going to be. I'm not glass, I'm not going to break. You can stop checking on me and go back to pretending I don't exist."

He would have to revisit that statement later, but he ought to saysomething.

"I know you're trying to throw yourself into missions as a distraction. I'm not going to just stand by and watch you lose yourself to that darkness."

"Because that's what you did after Obito died?" She really wasn't holding back this evening.

"Yes," he admitted. There was no point drinking. This was a confession that deserved words. "And then Rin and Minato. People called me Cold Hearted Kakashi and it wasn't without some truth to it. Luckily I had good friends who helped me see the light."

"You think of me as a - " she faltered for a moment, "- a friend?"

It wasn't the full truth. However it was close enough. He took a sip. "You've become someone important to me."

"Your turn."

Her eyes adverted and her face was a little flushed. Whether from the alcohol or his admission, he wasn't sure. While they were being fully honest with each other -

"You want to transfer to another team because of me."

"That's the last time I tell Tenzo anything," she grumbled before taking a sip of water.

"I wish you wouldn't."

"I wish I wouldn't tell Tenzo things either."

"That's not what I meant."

"Well, I haven't gone anywhere," Kotori eventually said. "Tenzo said you would be the one I'd have to convince anyway."

He closed his eyes and smiled underneath the mask. "Ah, looks like you're stuck with me then."

"How troublesome." There was a glimmer of her usual self as she smiled at him.

Some of the tension seemed to disappear. The questions took on a lighter tone after that. Kakashi found himself pleasantly relaxed and light headed as they traded stories and sipped their drinks. Some of the light returned to Kotori's eyes. She was giggling along with him as he recounted the various challenges Gai had sprung on him over the years. In turn, he managed to coax some of her funnier stories involving Team Ensui.

"I have to ask, what idiot put Nara Ensui in charge of a group of girls."

Kotori almost choked on her drink from laughter. "He was a last minute substitute. We were supposed to have a kunoichi, one of his cousins I think. But she was killed returning from a mission a few days before. And then clan politics - the Yamanaka wanted a Nara sensei because of Aimi-chan. I heard Yoshino wanted to do it, but the Uchiha got snippy that she was a chunin. It was a whole thing."

After Kotori managed a streak of five more correct statements in a row, he finally realized how she was doing it. He felt like an idiot.

"You already know these statements are true because of your chakra birds." There was a guilty expression on her face as she took a sip of water. "You're just trying to get me drunk."

She was giggling as she took another sip. "Maybe. Oooh, I have one more."

Kakashi glanced at her, curious what else she thought she knew. There was a bit of mischief in her eyes and a little of something else. Something he didn't quite recognize.

"You knew gardenias were meant to be given to your crush."

He hesitated. Taking a sip would be as good as admitting his feelings for her. Not taking a sip - There was disappointment as she interpreted his lack of response as his answer. Kakashi finished the drink in that moment, feeling flushed and unsure if it was from the alcohol or his silent confession.

Then suddenly the bartender was ushering them out onto the street at he closed up for the night. Kakashi walked her to her apartment, not really wanting the evening to end. Her hand bumped against his, although she didn't say anything.

"I guess this is goodnight then." She lingered in her doorway, her hand holding the doorframe. Kakashi shoved his hands in his pockets. "Goodnight."

She seemed hesitant to go in. He was just as hesitant to leave. The way she bit her lip was a little intoxicating. It drew his attention towards it and he wanted nothing more than to feel those lips for himself. In fact -

He brushed a thumb along her lower lip. He proceeded to gently stroke her cheek. Her beautiful green eyes watched him before flickering up to meet his.

"Would you like to come in?"

The door closed behind him and he wasn't sure who moved first. They seemed to move in unison. His mask was down and her lips were on his. He had only kissed her a handful of times on undercover missions, ensuring that the kiss was both chaste but convincing enough to curious onlookers. This kiss was hungry, desperate. He found himself wondering why he had been avoiding and shutting her out when they could have been doing this all along. He could feel her hands in his hair and her legs wrap around his waist as he pushed her up against the wall.

This was all so new to him. He had never allowed himself to get this close to a woman before. Not on a physical or emotional level. Not without layers of fabric and armour and weapons between them. Not without elusive words and half truths. Not without the literal and metaphorical masks he put between him and the world.

She helped him shed the last of his layers.

He carried her to her bed, laying her down before straddling her with his knees.

Her eyes glittered as she drank in his appearance. They settled on his face. "So this is what you look like."

Now it was her turn to slowly explore his face with her finger tips. He smiled as he felt her trace what he assumed was the small beauty mark on his chin.

"Could be a genjutsu." He kissed her thumb as it brushed against his lips.

"Well, it's a very nice genjutsu. You should show it more often."

He admired her in turn. Training had left her with more lean muscle and less body fat than a woman typically had. There was still some softness, some curves that were normally kept hidden with bindings and the ANBU uniform. She nervously watched him as he found each scar. His fingers lightly brushed against the long, jagged scar along her abdomen before kissing it. He silently vowed he'd never be the cause of another.

He knew his actions often spoke louder than his words, especially when it came to expressing his feelings. And he was determined to let her know the extent of his feelings. He was going to show her how precious every inch of her was to him.

He took his time, wanting to explore every exposed piece of skin. He blinked open the sharingan, committing this moment to memory. Another benefit was that he could predict how she would react to every touch. A benefit he took advantage of as he worked his way down her body. He looked at her, sprawled out underneath him, with her face flushed and swollen lips.

"Are you sure?" He whispered.

"Yeah." She nodded.

Then all he could feel was her. His entire world was made up of her. She clouded all five senses. From the way she felt wrapped around him, the way she smelt, the way her skin tasted, the pleasant little sounds she made and the beautiful sight of her beneath him.

It was over far too quickly. He rested his head in the crook of her shoulder as he whispered in her ear and nuzzled her neck. He gave a few last thrusts and reached down with his hand to help her finish. It wasn't long until she was writhing and whimpering underneath him.

He delighted in making his little songbird sing for him. His name on her lips was his favourite song.

He kissed the top of her head before he pulled her into him, feeling sleepy and sated. He buried his face into her hair, enjoying the feeling of her skin flush against his. She fit perfectly in his arms and he could wrap protectively around her. He felt secure in the knowledge that anyone wanting to get to her would literally have to get through him first.

Kakashi tried to fight the growing panic that something terrible would happen.